Sensory Journey

By V.A. West

I’m going to try my best to explain what it’s like to have sensory issues. I’m not great at explaining things, but this is important. Honestly, sensory issues are probably a lot more common than people think; you might have them, and I hope my words offer you support.

Take the word “sensory” and use context clues; think about the five senses, which are sound, sight, touch, taste, and smell. I’m going to use my specific sensory issues because I know them best, but I’ve known other people with different sensory issues. My situation is a microcosm of the entire “spectrum” of sensory triggers and problems that exist. When I was very young, according to my mom, I was probably most sensitive to touch. When I got my hair cut or if water touched my face, I would scream, try to escape, cry. I also craved touching different tactile items. I would run under clothing racks and feel all the clothes. I went through a lot of sensory therapy back then, and it significantly lessened my problems. I don’t exactly remember everything I did, but I remember being rolled up in a rug and rolling around the floor, doing some sort of water-related therapy, and using sensory-specific equipment, like swings. I was also sensitive to things related to sound and sight back then, but I don’t remember the specific triggers very well.

Since my late teens, my sensory issues have “returned” and manifested in a different way. I’m still very sensitive to touch, but I’m triggered by sound more. Specific sounds, like chalk/chalkboards, sandpaper, pencils being used on paper, cardboard (I literally couldn’t fold and tape boxes), styrofoam, and higher-pitched sounds and sudden noises also trigger me a lot.

When it comes to sight, my triggers are mainly flashing lights, dim lights (the overhead lights in classrooms are a good example), and car headlights (especially at night; when they reflect in my car’s mirrors, I’m nearly blinded for a second). When I see those lights, I often feel extremely lightheaded, and it feels like I’ve been drugged; my ability to focus or look up/straight ahead is also severely affected.

When it comes to touch, I’m very sensitive in the following areas: my sides (anywhere between my hips and armpits), my stomach, my mouth, and my face (but to a much lesser extent than when I was a child; this is probably the least sensitive area of the ones I’ve listed). When those areas of my body are touched, parts of my body can jolt, I might back away, I can feel paralyzed, and it’s like I have to resist the urge to punch the person touching me.

When it comes to smell, my general sense of smell has never been strong, but certain perfumes/colognes trigger me. I’m not entirely sure if I have any taste-related triggers, but certain food-related textures bother me, and it seems like I can’t eat/ drink the same things too often.

Now, let me explain what it’s like to have one of your “sensory areas” triggered. Some of those sounds I listed probably annoy you, hurt your ears, or make you cringe. With my sensory issues, I can be paralyzed if I hear those sounds for an extended period of time (more than ten or fifteen minutes), my whole body hurts, and I can’t focus. They can even affect my mood significantly, prevent me from going to the bathroom, make my body shake, and give me a terrible headache.

A minor annoyance to the average person could completely cripple someone if it triggers their sensory issues and they’re unable to cope or leave the area. A few years ago, people were fixing the roofs in my neighborhood. I was directly under the sound of hammers loudly pounding the top of my condo. While this was happening, not only was I paralyzed, unable to sleep, unable to go to the bathroom, and in a lot of pain, but I became hysterical, angry, and very emotionally unstable. I was fine after it was finished, but that’s probably my worst sensory-related experience. This was mainly because I had very close/direct exposure to a major trigger for such a long period of time. Plus, I didn’t have some of the coping skills I have now. I’m sure other people with sensory issues have had similar experiences. I figured sharing my worst one could help people understand all this better.

In my specific situation, I have an added layer to my sensory issues: they interact heavily with my other health problems. I’m not the only person who experiences these “interactions.” The worst of these interactions involve my digestive system problems; I can’t use the bathroom when I’m being triggered (especially if the triggers are nearby), I can’t block out the pain as well as I normally can (and this makes me feel more “in pain” as well), and my urge/need to use the bathroom can be intensified.

The second-worst interaction is with my sleep problems. I sleep even worse if I’ve been exposed to my triggers for a decent amount of time within a day. I can’t fall asleep (no matter what medications I’m on or precautions I take) while I’m being triggered. If I am able to fall asleep, it might take only an hour for me to fall asleep, but I’ll sleep for several hours less than I need to.

Other interactions involve my anxiety. Busy and loud places enhance my social anxiety. Areas of my body where I’ve endured trauma (I was hit in the mouth with a baseball and nearly lost a tooth when I was in third grade; the areas where I’ve had surgeries) feel like they are fresh wounds. My general emotional state changes, and I feel more depressed and want to avoid the world.

I have learned some ways to help cope with my sensory problems. The best thing I can do is avoid locations (malls, concerts, etc.) and situations (housework, crowded environments, etc.) that trigger me. This isn’t always possible or in my control, so I’m very thankful to have my noise-canceling headphones.

I always wear soft and baggy clothing to mitigate my “touch” triggers since tight/physically restrictive clothing, such as suits and jeans, trigger both my sensory and stomach problems. Even the kind of underwear I wear can impact things, and I have to loosen my seat belt while driving sometimes. Switching between hot and cold air in my car and sleeping with a fan and a big blanket seems to mitigate the pain and how much I’m triggered to some degree. And it’s always easier for me to cope if I can vent to someone.

Some of these coping tools (like the clothes I wear) are essentially the opposite of “sensory triggers”; I’d call them “sensory soothers,” but there might be actual scientific/medical terms for these things somewhere. In terms of specific therapy and tools/ equipment, I can’t say any of them have helped me since my late teens. I tried some sensory-related equipment that I used as a child, and they actually triggered me instead of helping me. If you think you might have sensory issues, I would recommend trying to use some sensory-related equipment or seeking out a sensory-specialized therapist.

I handled going to two conventions this year. With enough preparation time, I can go out for a few hours. Afterward, I have to mentally/physically/emotionally repair myself in a stable environment. Being with someone I trust helps me cope better. I want my family and friends to let me try, support me, and be aware that it may be too much for me. I still have a bad habit of not expressing my pain/discomfort around others because I don’t want to worry them or be a burden. Sometimes, I need someone to ask me, “Are you okay? How do you feel right now?” I haven’t learned how to express myself properly when I’m triggered too much, but I am trying to lean more on those closest to me and allow them to support me as I improve in this area.

This is my attempt to spread awareness and to educate. Mindfulness is a good quality to have, but how mindful can someone be when they don’t understand or aren’t aware of the things they might need to be mindful of? Suffering in silence won’t help anyone, so I want others to find resources to help them to cope better.

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