Pastor's Corner- Special Parents of Special Kids

BY PAUL HATHCOAT

As I now have over 10,000 hours invested in special needs pastoring, I can consider myself an expert, according to Malcolm Gladwell in his work Outliers. But even with all those hours spent walking alongside parents and caregivers of loved ones living with disabilities, I still don’t know what it is truly like to live that life and feel those feelings. What I do have is an enormous amount of second-hand experience walking side-by-side with hundreds of families over these last eight years.

Let’s talk about the difficult parts of parenting and how the faith and life lessons that can be learned, could make the journey worth it in the end, from a pastor’s perspective.

I have seen the eyes of a parent who has just received a diagnosis, the fear of the unknown and what the future holds. I have seen the tiring journey of crossing over the first hurdle, only to see that there is an entire track full of them lying in wait. One of the first families I truly connected with asked me to walk with them in this early period of their special needs parenting journey. The first topic that we explored together was their disappointment. They were unexpectedly disappointed that their brand-new baby boy was diagnosed with Down syndrome. There was a sense of panic and fear in their words. It took many months before I could start to see them coming to terms with their new life and making peace with their new family dynamic. I watched as they eventually began to see God’s grace in their son’s life, and they came to rely on the lord daily. It was through prayer and open, honest relationships with others that God found a way to reach their hearts and assure them of His providence in their family’s life. “Sustain me, my God, according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed” (Psalms 119:116).

The second hurdle I saw this family cross over, and have watched many other parents work through, was trust. They simply did not know what to do, and they did not know what was next. What they did know is that they would not be able to protect their special needs child in the same way that they were able to protect their other children. There would be doctors and therapists and nurses and aids and specialists that would all have access to, and responsibility for, their vulnerable child. They would not be able to rely on their son to communicate fully all of what he was feeling or had been through, either. Ultimately, they would have to hand over their child, one way or another, and let God’s plan unfold day by day. That is just what they did. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).

Finally, I watched as this family came together, connected with their community, and began to see that they were not alone. They saw that I and others recognized the opportunity that was there to invest in them, to learn from them, and to even find joy in watching them persevere. God has designed us all for the community, and in the life of so many parents raising children with disabilities, I have seen their connection to their community and their God be the keys to unlocking their season of thriving. “They will thrive like watered grass, like willows on a riverbank” (Isaiah 44:4).

Let it be known that life is hard for us all. There are ups, and there are downs. But underneath all the chaos and turmoil is a beautiful rhythm that can be found. It involves letting go of our disappointments and seeing everything as an opportunity. It involves trusting in an unseen God to make your life and efforts have a Kingdom impact. And it involves opening up and connecting with as many of His people around you as possible so we can, all together, build a network of support that allows us all to thrive. I pray that these experiences and words of mine bring you even just one step closer to walking with the Lord. Blessings to you all!

Do you have a thought, idea or information that you would like to see in this section in an upcoming issue? Email Paul Hathcoat at phathcoat@wrcc.org.