Spirit-Filled Woman Mag Issue 1: RENEW

Woman Spirit-Filled magazine

REBEKAH THOMPSON ON STEWARDING YOUR PRIORITIES

I AM NOT MY HUSBAND’S

KATHY SCHWANKE: Incline My Heart & Turn My Eyes

SAVIOR. Shontell Brewer

ALSO INSIDE: NATALIE MET LEWIS, ARTIST ANNA FRIENDT & MORE!

Renew ISSUE 1:

Jan/Feb 2019

3 Things to do to Have the Most Productive Day

1.START THE DAY WITH PRAYER

Make Your Bed 2.

Do Something to 3.

Make You Feel Awesome

(putting on makeup, skipping the leggings, working out, etc.)

Renew ISSUE 1:

Jan/Feb 2019

God, create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not banish me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore the joy of your salvation to me, and sustain me by giving me a willing spirit.

Psalm 51:10-12 CSB 1

Index Jan/Feb 2019

Woman Spirit-Filled

magazine

a m i n i st r y o f H a r g r av e s H o m e & H e a rt h hargraveshomeandhearth.com Founder & Editor-In-Chief REBEKAH HARGRAVES

Creative Director

Goal-Driven Mama.......................................................4 & 13 Amber Durgan Scripture Print..............................................................................5 Incline My Heart & Turn My Eyes...........................6-7 & 9 Kathy Schwanke January Scripture Calendar...............................................8 You Are Cherished - journaling devotional......10 Kathy Schwanke God is a God of Productivity: Interview..............11 & 12 Phylicia Masonheimer Setting Goals with Your Spouse............................11 & 13 Sarah Hardee Stewarding Your Priorities........................................14 & 19-20 Rebekah Thompson H.H&H Podcast Episode: Kat Lee..........................15 Meet Our Writers.......................................................................16 & 17 Featured Favorites...................................................................18 Roller Recipe Blend................................................................19 7 Ways to Incorporate Faith into Your Date......20 & 23 Abbey Phipps The Desires of Your Heart.........................................21 - 23 Natalie Lewis I Am NOT My Husband’s Savior..............................24 & 25 Shontell Brewer When Marriage is Hard...It Is Still Worth It........24 & 25 Lisa Hensley COLORING PAGE...........................................................26 Anna Friendt February Scripture Calendar............................................27 Advice from Rebekah Hargraves..................................28 2

KAYLA NELSON

Assistant Editor ANGELA SHADOIN

Consulting Editor CAITLIN SCHWANKE

Cover Image Courtesy of

BRYNDEN: unsplash.com/@bagasvg

I say then, walk by the Spirit and you will certainly not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is against the Spirit, and the Spirit desires what is against the flesh; these are opposed to each other, so that you don’t do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

GALATIANS 5:16-18 CSB Spirit-Filled Woman magazine January/February 2019, Vol 1, No 1, © 2019 Hargraves Home and Hearth. All rights reserved. Published by Hargraves Home and Hearth and Kayla J Nelson.

To notify us of an address change or to contact us: hello@spiritfilledwomanmag.com IMPORTANT NOTICE: By submitting letters and other materials, you agree 1) they become the property of Spirit-Filled Woman Magazine and will not be returned; 2) Hargraves Home and Hearth, its assigns and licesnses, have been granted the nonexclusive right to use and/or reproduce the materials in any manner for any purpose. Our agreement is made in Tennessee and controlled by Tennessee law.

Send author submissions to submissions@spiritfilledwomanmag.com REPRINT PERMISSIONS: Email: hello@spiritfilledwomanmag.com ADVERTISING: advertising@spiritfilledwomanmag.com Hargraves Home and Hearth’s acceptance of advertisements for publication in this magazine does not necessarily imply an endorsement of the goods or services advertised.

Website references do not constitute blanket endorsement or complete agreement by Hargraves Home and Hearth with information or resources offered at or through those sites.

Letter from the Editor FRIENDS,

I can’t believe we’re here! After months of prayer, inspiration, planning, prep work, and more, you now hold in your hands the very first issue of Spirit-Filled Woman magazine. I am so glad you’re here and pray you will come away encouraged by what you read.

You may be wondering: Why “Spirit-Filled Woman”? What is the reasoning behind the name?

Well, that name was chosen very intentionally for a number of reasons. For one, it is our desire to point you to the Holy Spirit, that third member of the Trinity who, though often forgotten, is crucially important to our lives. About Him Christ said, “These things I have spoken to you while being present with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you” (John 14:25-26). It is the Spirit who resides in us and leads us into all truth - not only guiding and directing us in our interpretation of God’s Word, but also in the decisions we make in our daily lives.

While each of us desires the fruits of the Spirit to be present in our lives, we oftentimes make the mistake of believing them to be characteristics we “muster up” within ourselves - focusing on sheer will, our own strength, and dedication to being “better people”. This is a grave mistake because it will never work; it will never be sufficient.

Why? Precisely because they are fruits of the Spirit. As the motto Scripture for the magazine says, “I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law” Galatians 5:16-18. Acts 4:13 says, “Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated and untrained men, they marveled. And they realized that they had been with Jesus.”

Change in our lives which results in our growing into the likeness of Christ and the character of the Holy Spirit happens as we simply walk by the Spirit. As we abide in Christ, study and meditate on the Word, commune with the Father in prayer, and walk in relationship with Him, it is then that the fruits of the Spirit will, as a result, naturally be cultivated in our hearts and lives. It’s not mystical, it’s not according to our own strength, and it certainly isn’t a result of a 10-step program or list of boxes to check.

As we embark on a new year, replete with goals, plans, dreams, and resolutions, we want you to purpose in your heart to begin and end 2019 not by looking to man, seeking the opinion of the experts, or striving in your own strength, but by simply walking by the Spirit.

Spice up

Likewise, as we approach the month of love from whatever season we are each in - single, married, married with children, or empty nesters - may we incorporate and infuse walking by the Spirit into every part of our relationships.

with

THIS VALENTINE’S DAY

I’m excited about 2019, friends! Our God is a God of redemption, power, love, and help, and you will come to see and understand for yourself the reality of this truth as you walk ever more by the Spirit.

With love, grace, and truth,

a Complete Valentine's Day Pack with a card, gift tags, and a sexy bedroom game to enjoy with your spouse from

bit.ly/lovehopeadventure

Rebekah Hargraves E di to r - i n - c h i e f

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Renew ISSUE 1:

Jan/Feb 2019

Goal-Driven Mama

By: Amber Durgan | Through Hope’s Door

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Photo by Nick Morisson on Unsplash

y grandmother – who has maintained a spotless home for as long as I have been around! – was nearing my front door when I stopped her with a warning of my house not being tidy. At the time, I had a toddler and a baby just under two months old and was recovering from mastitis. My house was nowhere near spotless, but it also wasn’t the complete disaster I deemed it to be. It just looked very lived-in. My grandma reminded me to give myself grace in these moments and that neither she nor anyone else expected my house to be spotless. She reminded me that my focus needed to be on my babies and recovering from illness and not on how tidy my house was. I share this story to illustrate that productivity is going to look different at different times of our lives.

down. I personally enjoy using the Cultivate What Matters powersheets/planner to chart my goals, but, again, you have to find what works for you.

Being productive can pose a challenge when we have young children needing what seems to be our constant attention. The goals we have and what we accomplish will look unique in each of our homes. God has called us all to lead our individual lives. Don’t get discouraged when you see your friend who has more kids or a bigger house accomplishing more than you.

Here are some practical tips for scheduling and routine:

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Knowing what your goals are ensures you are prepared to accomplish them. Preparation and scheduling are huge assets in your desire to be productive with littles. Before I had children, I was not a scheduled person. I could fit in what I needed to accomplish at any time of my day and generally go to bed satisfied with my completed to-do list. However, since having children I have learned the importance of a routine and schedule. Not only am I able to get more accomplished when using a schedule, but my children thrive when they know what to expect.

• • • •

The goals we have and what we accomplish will look unique in each of our homes.

Set clothes out the night before so that finding outfits does not waste time the following morning.

Meal plan and prep as much as possible so that when the rush of dinner comes you have a head start.

Keep a sink full of soapy water - this allows you to get to the dishes when you have time, but they are already “soaked” and will therefore wash more quickly.

Create a weekly schedule for household chores (i.e. vacuum on Tuesday, dust on Wednesday, meal prep Friday).

It is also important to know what you can and cannot do. As women (and moms) we tend to want to take on everything, and the word “no” is a very hard one for us to use. However, if we are to be productive in our homes and in the things God has called us to, we must learn to gracefully say “no”. Saying “yes” to everything will leave us burnt out and void of any sense of peace.

My first tip for you is to sit down (preferably with coffee and chocolate!) and decide what you will work towards in this season. My goals are separated into different categories: God, husband, children, home, friends, and extra. This helps me to prioritize what is most important and to keep first things first. They say that if you write down your goals, you are more likely to accomplish them because of how your brain processes the information once it is written

Additionally, never be afraid to ask for help. There seems to be a stigma these days about asking for help, as that is seen as a weakness. One is only a “good enough” mom if she is able to do everything on her own. Friends, this is simply not true - your children need to see you humbly inviting others to help. God has given us all unique callings

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The Lord values those who fear him, those who put their hope in his faithful love.

Psalm 147:11

Woman S p i r i t-F i l l e d 5

magazine

Incline My Heart & Turn My Eyes By: Kathy Schwanke | KathySchwanke.com

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satisfy us in the morning with Your loving kindness, That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.” Psalm 90:14

I pin photos to Pinterest; I scroll Instagram. I see homes more beautiful and women younger, more polished, more influential.

What happens in my heart when I contrast what I see online with the way I view myself and my life apart from God’s love for me? (And let’s be real we know comparison is a sin, but this doesn’t prevent us from falling prey to this temptation.) The thoughts underriding my observations might go something like this: I want to be a size eight and have perfect hair -- so I will feel confident.

I want to have a perfectly curated house -- so I look like I have it together.

I want to have oodles of online followers -- so I will feel like I’m valuable.

The desires for confidence, excellence, and influence are good, but if you glance at the statements above, you see who is the focus of my thoughts: “I” and the “eyes” of other people.

ANOTHER NEW YEAR Having just successfully completed another trip around the sun, we’re looking forward to the renewal that comes with the new calendar.

The retail push has switched from perfect party dresses and pretty packaging to workout wear and exercise equipment.

We might be tracking with them. We might find ourselves looking at the new horizon and thinking: This is the year I will meet my goals: I’ll lose the 20 lbs, my meals will be healthy, and I will arrive on time to church. For sure I’m going to keep my kitchen clean, and the kids are going to learn to put things away when they are finished. I’m also going to live more confidently.

Many of us, within two days of self-effort, come face to face with our humanity.

You realize you blew it — again. You get back on track for another day or two, but somewhere during the second week of January, you realize that your failure to follow through on your well-intentioned plans has dropped you into a grey pool of discouragement.

Defeated, you end up living the same old way, and social media keeps reminding you of what your humanity is costing you. New Year’s resolutions become just one more habit to kick, right?

What do the retailers know?

Why is it that we can almost set our calendars by the displays in Walmart?

WE WANT Not that retail marketing is bad per-se; I mean, we need to eat, and Hershey’s kisses are the bomb in February after our workout-fail from January. It’s about love, after all, and perfect love must surely cast out all calories.

Retail advertising campaigns are predicated on the fact that what we buy

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Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

will only temporarily fill the void we feel. The ongoing “new” home decor and “the latest” fashion trends are built on the presupposition that there is a dark hole in the human heart that longs to be filled. They count on the fact that we believe something we purchase or an action we take will satisfy us.

We all know it. The thing that initially excites us often ends up being another gadget collecting dust in the basement or another blouse packing our closet.

THE NEW WAY FOR THE NEW YEAR As born-again believers in Jesus, we’ve likely heard that life without God’s love is like a donut; we understand there’s a hole in the middle of our hearts that can only be filled by the love of Christ. Though Scripture assures us that God’s love has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit - and we know the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want (Psalm 23:1) - we still tend to doubt the love and feel the want.

Jesus tell us, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”

John 10:10 So, how do we rightly reconcile the void we experience with the knowledge that we have been given abundant life in Christ?

According to the One whose word does not fail, abundant life is a done deal.

With the Lord as our Shepherd, we really do have everything we need forever. But there is a thief who opposes our life. This implies that effort must be made to guard the gift.

Notice the contrasts below and the declarations of His gift of abundant life.

You need acceptance.

Satan wants you to feel rejected.

You are accepted in the Beloved. (Ephesians 1:5) You need love.

Satan wants you to doubt you are loved.

Jesus has loved you with everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3) You need self-control.

Satan wants you to feel powerless.

Controlling yourself is a fruit that springs up in your life through the gift of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:23) You need to know you are valued.

Satan wants you to believe you are trash.

You are precious in His sight and He loves you. (Isaiah 43:4) You need to feel secure.

Satan wants you to feel insecure.

God is your generous provider and will never leave you. (Hebrews 13:5) You need to overcome fear.

Satan wants you to feel inferior and scared.

Jesus is the perfect love that casts out fear. (1 John 4:18) You need confidence when you walk in the room.

Satan wants you to be self-aware.

Jesus is your covering and your confidence. (Isaiah 61:10) You need to have cereal for supper.

Satan wants to shame you.

Jesus offers you freedom and grace. (2 Corinthians 12:9) (Thank you, Jesus! Please pass the Cocoa Puffs!)

You might be thinking: I’ve heard these truths. I know them in my head, but how do I practically abide in His abundance? How do I walk in victory when I feel empty? How do I truly rest in His love?

Do as King David did when he sorted his heart out; he expressed his neediness to God throughout the Psalms. He wrote:

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January

We are passionate about encouraging women to fill their minds with God’s truth.

This is why we love sharing about the

2019

concept of Scripture writing, a tool which has aided us greatly in our own reading comprehension of the Word. May it be a helpful tool in your quiet time, as well!

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Psalm 19:7

Psalm 23:3

Psalm 51:10

Psalm 103:5

Psalm 104:30

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Isaiah 40:31

Isaiah 41:1

Isaiah 57:10

Lamentations 5:21

Romans 12:2

2 Corinthians 4:16

Ephesians 4:22-24

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Colossians 3:10

Titus 3:5

Isaiah 38:16

Hebrews 13:19

2 Peter 3:18

Hebrews 6:1

Jeremiah 12:2

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Luke 17:5

Colossians 1:9-10

Colossians 2:6-7

Romans 5:20-21

Psalm 94:12-14

Proverbs 1:1-5

Romans 5:2-6

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2 Corinthians 9:6-10

John 15:5

James 1:2-4

2 Corinthians 3:18

Colossians 3:9-10

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The way of the Spirit-Filled Woman is to move her eyes off of herself, off of the world, and fully fixate them on God.

“Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to covetousness. Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things and revive me in your way.”

Psalm 119:34-35 ESV

The way of the Spirit-Filled Woman is to move her eyes off of herself, off of the world, and fully fixate them on God. When my eyes are on Pinterest and Instagram and myself, and I fail to see the love of God for me in the equation, I will fall into comparison and walk around discontent and with sour emotions.

2. Choose Contentment We often forget that because the Spirit has moved in and taken up residence, we are not victims of our thoughts.

We can take authority over them. We don’t have to give in to self-pity, jealousy, discouragement, anxiety, or feelings of inferiority. We can grab hold of a word from the Lord to oppose our negative feelings, speak it out loud, and choose to rest in His love.

“Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, ‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,’ so that we confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?’”

Hebrews 13:5-6

Abiding in abundance means resisting the world, the flesh, and the devil by intentionally keeping God as the apple of our eye and believing His fervent love for us. He has called us each by name; we belong to Him.

Fear of man is a snare, and we don’t have to be caught up in it any longer.

If you glance at Ephesians 6:10-21, the instruction we are given for putting on the armor of God, you will see the word “stand” three times: once in verse 11 and twice in verse 13. In the Greek, the word is histemi which means,: to stand (there); to maintain; establish.

3. Acquire Accountability God has designed us to live our lives in community.

Supportive, loving family is God’s idea, and though the fall brought conflict as depicted in the lives of Cain and Abel, the resurrection of Jesus has given us the power to live like He intended: in selfless service to one another. We confess our sins to one another and pray for one another and gain spiritual fortitude.

We must establish and make an effort to hold the truth in our lives.

How do we resist our enemies and abide in abundance when we are tempted to grab for the latest gadget or garment or gourmet dessert?

Our pastor recently concluded a sermon series on the book of Revelation with a profound statement that has embedded itself into my heart. It’s for you, too:

1. Pause and Pray

“We’re just here to get each other home.” ~Pr. Tim Prince (Isn’t that good?!)

By bringing our desires to the Lord in prayer, His truth will set us free.

“. . . and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near. “ Hebrews 10:24-25

In asking Him to “Turn my eyes away from worthless things,” we are really asking Him to turn our eyes toward God. Compared to God, everything else is worthless.

“Incline my heart to your testimonies.” When we turn away from worthless things, we need another landing place.

David prayed to have a heart to behold God’s Word. He knew God’s presence to be the true place of abundance - the place he found rest for his troubled soul.

Sisters, this year let’s forget human resolutions and seek divine conversation. Let’s turn our eyes off of what we don’t have and look into the living Word of God to enjoy what we do have. Let’s stop trying to be perfect and allow the Lord to perfect that which concerns us. As we live Spirit-filled lives, we will experience true life renewal, and only God knows the ripple effect our surrendered lives will have in eternity.

If you feel lost or lonely or unloved, helpless or harried or hurt, pray for the Holy Spirit to fill you and help you and heal you. He wants to be your everything!

“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?” Luke 11:13

*scripture references are from NASB unless noted.

What more could we ever ask for than the life of the God of the universe to fill us?

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You Are Cherished

A JOURNALING DEVOTIONAL BY: KATHY SCHWANKE

Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say.

Forget your people and your family far away.

For your royal husband delights in your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.

Psalm 45:10-11 NLT

The only place in scripture that Jesus called someone Listen, Daughter!: (Write what you sense He is saying) “Daughter” was in Mark 5:34.

A LISTENING PRAYER: Read the story in Mark 5:21-34.

My precious Daughter, I . . .

This beloved woman not only suffered physically, but as a female (inferior in Jewish culture at the time) and as an outcast, since the Levitical law at the time required that those with a discharge of blood had to be separated from God’s people. In addition to her painful separation, if she went out among the people, she was supposed to cry out, “Unclean! Unclean” so others wouldn’t be polluted by her presence.

Consider the courage and faith it took for a daughter of shame and humiliation to cut through such a large crowd to touch Jesus - immeasurable!

Surely she didn’t expect Jesus to “call her out.” Likely she hadn’t thought of anything past her hope of being healed!

As He persisted, she fell in the dust, trembling at His feet and confessed. This took a crazy amount of humility and courage! I’ve wondered, what if He hadn’t insisted on her taking the next step? What if He hadn’t persisted in bringing her face to face with Himself? (I like to think He stooped down, and extended his hand and stood her to her feet!)

What if she hadn’t heard His pronouncement? Oh, how sweet it must have sounded, hearing His voice give her royal status before all the onlookers!

Can you hear her thinking? Me!?!! A Daughter of the King of Kings!!! Can you relate?

When you reach out to Jesus for salvation, you also are a daughter of the King! (Imagine Him saying that to you in front of crowds of people!)

If she would have only been healed physically, might she have continued living her life under the old labels of shame and inferiority? Imagine the difficulty of believing you have been made new.

What a blessed gift that Jesus lifted her above her old identities as He publicly gave her the dignity of a daughter.

Jesus not only healed her body, He publicly established her dignity!

You are a daughter of the King of Kings. He is confident that you know His voice, and He wants to speak to you.

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God is a God of Productivity An interview with Phylicia Masonheimer | PhyliciaMasonheimer.com

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e all - especially this time of year! long to cultivate more productivity in our lives. After all, we know productivity is what enables us to meet our goals.

The problem is that we aren’t always sure where to start. That’s where Phylicia Masonheimer comes in! Instructor of a popular productivity ecourse, Phylicia is a guru of all things productivity and has just the insight we need to get going!

change your perspective on food and exercise. This in turn will change how you eat, and you may indeed lose those five pounds! But you won’t be striving for it on your own strength and riding a pendulum of negative and positive emotions over it.

Do you have any specific tips for sticking to resolutions and reaching your goals in the new year?

Don’t take on too much. If you put too much on your plate - even good things! - you’re not going to give your best in any area. You won’t see the results you would otherwise see because you can’t give your full energy to the few things you How do you define productivity?

NEED to accomplish. I frequently have to step back and say I look to John 15 as a guide to biblical productivity: “This is no in order to invest in the most important parts of my family to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, and so prove and business. to be my disciples” (15:8). As believers, the daily practice of abiding in Christ will manifest as spiritual fruitfulness. Start with small, tangible, realistic goals. It is better to set This fruitfulness is the opposite of laziness; it’s a balanced the bar low and achieve something than set it too high, get productivity which never calls us to strive, but to grace- discouraged, and give up. based motivation. This kind of restful motivation is what sets Break every goal down into tangible action steps. How will us apart as disciples of Jesus. you make this goal actually happen in real life? If you want to eat better, what does “better” mean? How often will you How does God’s Word apply to the topic of productivity? plan meals? When will you shop? WIll you meal prep? Write out your questions and the answers. Plan for each week God is a worker. This starts in Genesis 1 and carries through to on Sunday night and revisit your plan each evening. Set up the end of Revelation! God is always working in and through routines and a flexible schedule and use a planner or a tomankind and this earth, even though we are so far from do list to help you stay on track. perfect. Seeing God as the perfect worker helps us emulate His excellence in our own lives, but we do it by the strength of His Spirit. We need the Word to help us know what to What would be your tips or advice for type B women prioritize (wisdom) and how to walk out His mission in our who feel like they struggle in this area? daily lives. This will determine when and how we manage our First, your personality is not a hang-up. It doesn’t mean you homes, businesses, and relationships. can’t succeed or that you are doomed to live in perpetual stress! But your personality is not an excuse, either. I am Type Why are goals and productivity important in terms of our A, but I’m also a natural procrastinator. I also like to blame others when things go wrong. But that is not an excuse for being able to live out the gospel? me to put something off and shift the blame - those are God had a goal when He made man. When the fall happened in Genesis 3, God had a goal (which would be attained because He’s God) of bringing Jesus into the world as our redeemer. When we set Spirit-led goals and vision for our lives, we emulate God’s long-term view of life. God always has eternity in mind, and so should we. This affects everything we do and how we live! When you live with an eternity mindset, you’re going to set goals that have deeper implications than “lose five pounds”. They will be goals which affect your whole lifestyle because faith in God always affects everything about our lives. But in pursuing Goddefined goals, our day-to-day lives also change. As you set a goal of spending time with God’s Word daily, He’s going to Photo by Suhyeon Choi on Unsplash

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Renew ISSUE 1:

Jan/Feb 2019

God is a God of Productivity PHYLICIA MASONHEIMER INTERVIEW CONT. FROM PAGE 11

Stewarding Your Priorities By: Rebekah Thompson | SurvivingToddlerhood.com

parts of my personality which need to be sanctified! Finding a productivity model that works for your personality is key. To make it work, you have to realize you’re not a victim of your own personality. You are in charge of the choices you make.

Something I often tell Type B women is to revisit their schedule every day. A rigid, hour-by-hour schedule works for almost no one. It’s like dominoes: One appointment goes long and the whole schedule falls apart! Instead, plan each day individually. Make routines for repetitive tasks like laundry and cleaning (I do one load a day and clean a room a day, every day of the week).

And NEVER be afraid to say no. I protect my daughter’s naptimes with my life and will often say no to opportunities that would disturb the one time of day when I can work. Know your limits, and you’ll actually succeed past them.

A BIG THANK YOU to Phylicia for reminding us of what the pursuit of productivity is ultimately all about: advancing the Kingdom of God, bringing glory to His name, and loving others well in the process. Our focus should not be first on acquiring the “perfect” planner or making a list of the goals we want to see ourselves accomplish in the new year, but rather seeking to walk by faith, be led by the Spirit, and abide in Christ. Living out an intimate, Spirit-filled relationship with God is what it takes for us to be able to faithfully align our day-to-day tasks and pursuits with the overarching mission He has for us.

If you would like to learn more about how you can incorporate and practice gracebased, gospel-driven productivity into your own life, check out Phylicia’s new, full-length Driven Women Productivity Course, containing 25 lectures and a printable workbook to get you started.

PRIORITIES

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few years ago, I was feeling harried, overwhelmed, and out of control emotionally. I had three boys five and under. I was trying to start a business as a birth doula, taught piano lessons for a full day every other week, was trying to attend a weekly bible study that took up half our day, and was running a blog. One day as I was vacuuming, I was overcome with the thought that I was rushing around like a mad woman, my house seemed like it was always a mess, I was yelling all the time, and I just wasn’t very nice to my family.

If you are finding that life is completely overwhelming and you feel like you are in a freefall, it may be time to reevaluate your priorities. I hope what I have learned over the last few years can be helpful to you. The following tips are things that you can do at the beginning of this year, but I also find them helpful to go over again at the beginning of each month, week, and day.

ASK GOD FOR WISDOM Spend some time in prayer asking the Father what/who your priorities should be. God has given each of us our own unique purposes and special callings, and He doesn’t leave us without direction when we ask. In James we are told that if we ask in faith for wisdom, we will receive it. So, take your schedule and priorities to God, too, and let Him guide you through whatever season of life you may be in.

Don’t be afraid to ask specific questions either! Sometimes we pray prayers that are too vague, thinking that God may be “too busy.” But, ladies, our Father seeks to know us intimately. He wants to be our biggest confidant.

For me, after spending time in prayer, I realized that my priorities were out of order. I was spending the most time on my businesses, leaving my spiritual life, my marriage, family, and home to get the leftovers of my time. I was chasing the wrong things, and it was showing. Prayer helped me to see my errors and reorder my priorities to this: my relationship with the Father, my husband, my home and children, and THEN after those things, my businesses.

ASK YOUR HUSBAND FOR ADVICE I was a little surprised with the answer that I received when I asked my husband what five things he would like to see done when he came home from work. For some reason I thought that he would automatically be able to tell me five things that he thought were lacking. Ladies, he could only give me three items he would like done: the living room floor picked up, our bed made, and the dishes washed - just three things. Really little things at that!

Then ask him to help you look through your calendar. Together discuss if and what you can drop. For me it was a Bible study that I loved but was stressing me out. This Bible study took up a whole morning, and, because a full day of teaching piano was directly before that, it left me running around like a crazy woman that evening because it had been almost two days since I was able to do any housework.

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“

{For single ladies, why not bring your list and schedule to a trusted advisor or friend. If you are feeling overwhelmed, talking things over with someone who has your best interests in mind is always helpful.} MAKE A LIST

Make a list of those things that you feel God is calling you to focus on and the things that you talked about to your husband (or trusted advisor). Then number them by level of importance. This will help you as you schedule your year, months, and days to keep the important things the MOST important things.

LET GO OF THE REST

This is a hard thing to do, but it is a critical step as you focus your sights on where you need to be spending the most time. Let go of those Bible studies, playdates, girl’s nights, book clubs, etc. - whatever isn’t on your priority list, LET IT GO. As mentioned before, these tips are also helpful as you plan out your months and weeks. Depending on your season, you may find that your priorities change month to month and even week to week.

You can also begin each day in prayer, asking that God would make His will clear to you throughout the day so that you can accomplish the things that He has planned for you - rather than just what you have planned. Ask your husband before he leaves for work if there is anything you can do for him that day. Make a list of your tasks each day and try to work through them in order of importance. And then at the end of the day, let go of the rest. There will always be housework and things that didn’t get done. Give yourself grace! If needed, move those tasks to the next day or week and then sleep knowing that you did what you were supposed to do that day.

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Goal-Driven Mama

BY AMBER DURGAN CONTINUED FROM PAGE 4

and giftings. We accomplish more when we work together and are saved from burnout in the process. The old saying is true that it really does take a village.

Another practical tip here: if you have a friend who excels in an area you do not, trade chores. For instance, if your friend is really good at organizing and you are good at prepping meals, do that chore for each other. The one parent can watch the children of the parent doing the chore.

This also fits in a play date for the children!

THE FINAL TIP I will share with you is to be thankful for your days even if they don’t go as planned. Not every day is going to end up with a completely checked-off list, but that does not mean the day has been a waste. Be thankful for the days and time God has given you, and be grateful for how He and others have invested in your life and how you were then able to fill the cups of others.

Something I have learned is that when we wake up and ask God what His todo list for the day is, we can go about accomplishing our tasks with a much greater sense of purpose. Blessings on accomplishing your goals in this New Year!

Mentioned in this article: cultivatewhatmatters.com/powersheets/

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Setting Goals with Your Spouse for the New Year By: Sarah Hardee | ChristCenteredMama.com

T

wo months after I walked across the stage to receive my Bachelor’s Degree in Biblical Counseling, I walked down the aisle to be given in marriage. And though I was barely twenty-one at the time, I knew for a fact that I had all of the tools necessary for marital bliss.

All of the jokes about the difficulties of marriage were irrelevant to my brandspanking-new marriage, and we had the completed premarital counseling workbook to prove it. I mean, sure we had our disagreements, but I entered our marriage starry-eyed and hopeful.

Turns out that most of the jokes about the impossibilities of marriage were true for a reason. For me to think that any marital problems thrown our way could be fixed with any number of handy tricks my counseling professors taught me was nothing more than pride.

There’s a reason they call marriage sanctifying: because it’s hard, and it’s only through impossible circumstances that you can learn to become less selfish. That’s God’s design.

That first year or two of marriage was a journey in selflessness. One weekend, I stayed at a friend’s house because I was hurt by something my husband had said. When I suggested that I go away, he didn’t protest. I remember crying in my friend’s bed thinking If this is what my early marriage will be like, how will we ever stay married? I assumed that marriage was like a soup that was hot in the beginning but became tepid over time. I was frustrated, hurt, and lonely in my own marriage.

So many couples have been stuck for so long that they believe that the honeymoon love is the best that their marriage will ever be; and from there, everything is a faded reminder of what they once had. Satan knows the power of hope and will fight to keep you hopeless.

Marriage is like a living being, a breathing institution. As Christians who want to be intentional about our marriages, we need to regularly realign, reevaluate, and address old and new issues that threaten to steal our unity and our hope.

If you are dysfunctional in your marriage, it will not only impact your children, but it will impact your faith. The Bible even warns husbands in 1 Peter 3:7 that their prayers will be hindered if they aren’t in right relationship with their wives.

Progress is possible in marriage, no matter the lie you may be allowing Satan to whisper in your ear. The devil would rather you stay discontent in your unhappy marriage with hindered prayers, but this is not God’s best for you.

“We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” C.S. Lewis - Weight of Glory Reaching for a better version of your marriage means that you won’t settle for mud pies. But if all you ever know is mud pies, how could you possibly ever stop settling?

If you want big change, you need to take big action. Your desire for big change needs to be reflected in your daily schedule, your monthly calendar, and in your pocketbook, as well. Actively pursue an exceptional relationship.

You know the areas that most need radical change, and you will see radical growth through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If you want new growth, you need to prune out the dead parts of your relationship to allow the new radical growth to take place. Allow Jesus to transform your life through the renewing of your spirit. Keep yourself accountable on a quarterly basis.

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Continued on page 19...

The Home & Hearth Podcast EPISODE 23:

Waking Up to the Possibilities with Kat Lee

K

~How the comparison game deprives the world of those things we have been uniquely called to do

at Lee from the Inspired to Action Podcast and HelloMornings joins me on the podcast today to discuss topics pertaining to her newly-released book, Hello Mornings: How to Build a Grace-Filled, LifeGiving Morning Routine. More than just inspiring you to make the most of your mornings, Kat really encourages us with the perspective that we have each been uniquely created by God to live exceptional lives. Listen in to our chat today, and get ready to be energized for your daily life!

~The correlation between planning and faith ~And more!

Inspiring Quotes from Kat “I felt the Lord say to me, ‘I want you to beat your kids to the punch – I need you to get up just a few moments before they do to meet with me, connect with me first, and let me fill you so that you can fill them.'”

What We Chat About in this Episode

“This is not just about waking up in the morning. This is about when we wake up, stepping into the presence of God, who can make all of our worries and fears go away and instead give us clarity…When we get into His presence, we have that opportunity to gain so much clarity and peace regardless of our situation. He’s like the calm in the middle of our storm. So, we can wake up and be thrown around by the storm, or we can wake up and step into that center, into that calm.”

~The importance of starting our days with intention and a dedication to meeting with the Lord ~How to go from starting our days feeling defensive, stressed, and frustrated to waking up with excitement, purpose, and joy ~The difference between waking up “to” your life and waking up “for” your life

“If we meet all of our kids’ needs rather than pointing them to Jesus, what will they do when we’re gone? Moms teaching self-sufficiency is depriving our kids of what they need most.”

~Seeking the Lord for a vision for your day and His guidance for what He wants to have on your to-do list for that day, rather than rushing ahead of Him and filling your list with your own plans, desires, and priorities

“The idea is a relationship with the Lord, not holding off time with Him until we have time for in-depth Bible study.”

~Paying attention to both your season AND your situation as you craft your morning routine

“A lot of times we label ourselves and limit ourselves to only what we think we can do, rather than stepping into all God has for us.”

~The problem with ignoring time with the Lord and pushing it off until you’re able to have the “perfect” quiet time

“God is not a redundant creator. He didn’t make us to be exactly like someone else. He made each of us to be exactly who we are.”

~Having your time with the Lord be a part of your whole day ~The truth that God created us each uniquely to live an exceptional life and to fulfill a purpose only we were made to fulfill

Where You Can Find Kat Online

Website – HelloMornings.com Instagram – @thekatlee_ ; @hellomornings Kat’s podcasts – The Inspired to Action Podcast ; Hello Mornings Podcast

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Issue 1 Writers Jan/Feb 2019

Abbey Phipps

Words cannot express how grateful we are to these incredible ladies - for trusting us with their words enough to offer them for the first issue of Spirit -Filled Woman Magazine.

We are so honored to have their articles here in Issue 1: RENEW. Please take the time to learn more about them, and visit them on their websites and social media.

Abbey is first and foremost a servant to Christ, and she’s also a wife, mom, and homemaker from Texas. She is passionate about living a natural lifestyle, raising godly kids, and being a faith-filled wife and woman of God.

It has just been such a blessing to serve with these women as our sisters in Christ.

On a more relaxed note, she loves cooking (and eating!), vacationing in the mountains, and all things planning-related. You can find more of her writings at: smalltownsoul.net.

Kathy Schwanke

Lisa Hensley

Speaker and Bible study author, Kathy Lisa Hensley has a passion for the Schwanke has served as Women’s kingdom of God. She tries to run with Ministry Director, Bible Study leader, the same passion online as she does Sunday school teacher, and mentor. in real life, so she podcasts and writes Her passion is encouraging women to while she coaches a volleyball team, live abundantly in Jesus by savoring serves at church, and raises four little His word, believing His love, and boys with her husband. walking confidently in their calling.

Kathy and her husband Dale make You can find her on Instagram: their home in Bayport, MN. They love @delighting_days. morning coffee, scenic drives, home remodeling, and riding bikes in the summer. They have two married lisahensley.me children and seven grandchildren.

KathySchwanke.com

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Amber Durgan

Amber is wife to Lance and stay-athome momma to two sweet boys.

She and her family reside in Montana “where the mountains meet the prairie”.

When Amber is not busy with her littles, you can often find her with a book, pen, or camera as reading, writing and photography are her greatest passions after the Lord and her family.

Natalie Met Lewis

I am a follower of Jesus, first and foremost. I believe the greatest gift I have been given has been the call on my life to speak truth to His people, and it is the clearest command I have ever heard from God! While navigating life as a single woman, the Lord showed me the importance of transforming my mind to that of Christ and replacing this old worldly view. As I enter into new seasons, I continue to see how imperative this transformation is; and as the Lord teaches me new things, I just keep on writing.

NatalieMetLewis.com

Phylicia Masonheimer

Phylicia Masonheimer lives with her husband and daughters in northern Michigan.

She is an author, speaker, and founder of Driven Women. She teaches strong-hearted women how to follow Christ’s call in work, home, and the world. She writes about the Bible, productivity, and sexuality on her website: PhyliciaMasonheimer.com Her book on biblical sex (Christian Cosmo: The Sex Talk You Never Had) can be found on Amazon.

Rebekah Thompson

Rebekah Thompson writes at Surviving Toddlerhood where she seeks to encourage women living in the season of littles in their faith.

She is also the author of The First Six Weeks: Thriving Naturally on Your Postpartum Journey. She lives in West Michigan with her husband and four boys and enjoys camping, coffee, dark chocolate, running, and reading. You can find her at Surviving Toddlerhood on Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram or join: facebook.com/groups/ thrivingmomsoflittles

Sarah Hardee

Sarah Liberty Hardee lives in Northeast Kansas with her husband, Benjamin, and two children, Cyrus and Roseanna.

She works at home full-time and enjoys playing classical music on the piano and serving alongside her Pastor/ husband. In her “free time” she also enjoys blogging at Christ Centered Mama where she is passionate about helping Christian moms become more solid in their faith, their marriage, and their motherhood.

Find Sarah online at : christcenteredmama.com

Thank You Shontell Brewer

Shontell Brewer is a wife and mother to her five children, ages 20 to 12, and holds a master’s in divinity with an emphasis in urban ministry. Her most recent project is an arts-integrated prevention curriculum for minors trafficked across the nation, and she regularly speaks as a prevention specialist to communities affected by sex trafficking.

Find her at ShontellBrewer.com, and on Instagram and Facebook at Shontell Brewer.

Her book, Missionary Mom, released last fall.

Artist: Anna Friendt

Art has been and continues to be an integral and vital thread which has been interwoven into Anna’s personal story and life journey. God has used artwork in Anna’s life to assist in the process of healing from a traumatic childhood marred by the sins of others as well as breaking free from suicidal depression, severe anxiety, alcohol abuse, and the commercial sex industry.

She uses her artwork to shed truth and light on her healer, Jesus through her personal work at AnnaFriendt.com and through her nonprofit organization, Anchor 13 Studio.

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with much love, Rebekah Hargraves & Kayla Nelson (Editor-in-Chief)

(Creative Director)

Want to join us?

We would love the opportunity to talk to you about featuring an article!

You can send requests to: submissions@spiritfilledwomanmag.com, or fill out the form at spiritfilledwomanmag.com/submissions

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“

Setting Goals with your Spouse for the New Year

Marriage is a living being, a breathing institution.

ARTICLE CONT. FROM PAGE 14

LOOK BACK Where did we do well in 2018 overall? In the following areas, are we growing or are we backsliding?

Personal - Are there any areas of my life that I need more self-discipline in? Can my spouse help me see my patterns with grace and truth in order that I might change for God’s glory? Do I need to set goals regarding my body or fitness? How can my spouse lovingly come alongside me in those goals?

The best way to get started on this planning process is to dedicate an evening to this and make a date of it!

Sometimes the way to see your situation is to take a break and look objectively at your patterns and choices from a separate place. Go to your favorite coffee shop or restaurant and bring two notepads (one for your husband, one for you), two pencils with good erasers, and open hearts. Be willing to listen - even when it gets uncomfortable.

Spiritual - How was my walk with Christ? Did I see spiritual growth in my life? As a couple, did we feel that our marriage was solid spiritually? As a family, where are our kids in the light of eternity? Do we feel plugged into a local church? Do we have Christian friends to encourage us in our walks? What happened in our children’s spiritual lives in 2018? What patterns can we start in order to make their spiritual lives stronger and more fulfilling?

Marital - Do we know each other better than we did a year ago? What was the biggest challenge in our marriage last year? Are we seeking to love our spouse as he or she needs? Are there any hurts or grudges we need to get out in the open? How can we grow closer to Christ as a couple?

So, the first step is to look at what happened. In what areas did we do well and in what areas did we not?

Yes, you need to write it down.

Writing down your goals significantly increases the likelihood that you’ll see the change you’re looking for.

Take notes on what the other person is saying. Then, work together to establish your goals for the new year and designate one of you to write them down.

Financial - Where do we stand financially? Should we start a new budget or make changes to our current one?

Or what changes can we make to our current budget?

Do we expect any major purchases? In what way can we use our money to glorify God? What needs are there in our local church? What needs are there in our region

Productivity Roller Blend Using essential oils can be a great natural, practical option for boosting your focus, productivity, and mental capacity. After all, your olfactory (i.e. sense of smell) system is housed in the limbic system of the brain - the very same portion of your brain also responsible for memory and focus. With that in mind, here is a great roller ball blend you can apply at any time when you really need to boost your productivity: 10 drops peppermint essential oil 10 drops citrus essential oil of your choice (i.e. lemon, orange, or the Citrus Fresh blend from Young Living) Combine these two oils in a 10ml roller bottle and fill the rest of the way with the carrier oil of your choice (I like to use jojoba oil, as it is very good for your skin, but you can use olive, avocado, fractionated coconut, whatever!). Gently shake to blend and apply to your temples, neck, wrists, bottoms of your feet, or other place of your choice when you're needing to get down to business!

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Photo by Melinda Gimpel on Unsplash

Setting Goals with your Spouse for the New Year ARTICLE CONT. FROM PAGE 19

7 Ways to Infuse Faith Into Your Next Date Night

and our world? How can we plan for the needs of our family and still have funds to use as God sees fit?

Home – What was our schedule like in 2018? Were we too busy? Were the kids not occupied enough?

Do we need any major home repairs or renovations this year?

You might need to add an area of concern to this list as the Holy Spirit nudges. Listen to the Holy Spirit regarding what area of your life needs to grow in Christlikeness.

LOOK FORWARD • Overall, what can we improve in 2019?

• What are our top two goals in each of our personal lives?

• What are our top two goals in our family’s spiritual journey?

• What are our top two goals in our marriage?

• What are our top two goals regarding our home and finances?

The Holy Spirit is working in you, your marriage, your family, and your home.

Look objectively at the work God is doing in your lives and get in sync with your husband for the upcoming year. Meeting together for honest conversation binds your hearts together.

By: Abbey Phipps | SmallTownSoul.net

D

ate nights. That seems to be the most popular buzzword in relationships these days. Spending time together is essential to any relationship - whether you’re dating, engaged, or married.

In the planning of our dates, we usually think about what we’re going to do, where we’re going to go, and what we’ll eat. But one thing that gets left out far too often is how we will include faith in our dates.

If the purpose of a date night is to deepen your relationship, then you need to spend time pursuing the Lord together. It’s far too easy to get stuck in the rut of zoning out in front of the TV or just scrolling Facebook while sitting next to each other on the couch. Being intentional with infusing faith into your dates assures that you will leave your date night feeling uplifted, encouraged, and satisfied.

Oh, and before you read any further, let me say that including faith in your date night doesn’t have to be boring! In fact, it shouldn’t be! God loves fun and gives us joy as a fruit of the Spirit. If you’re dreading these ideas before you even read them, take a moment and change your perspective. We’re going to have some faith-based fun!

DATE NIGHT OUT If you’re headed out on the town for a date night, these are some of my favorite ways to add a little bit of faith into your time together.

Attend a faith-based event. There are so many great events that you can

1. attend together that will encourage you to deepen your relationship with Christ. Some events to consider include marriage workshops, Christian concerts, Christmas events (such as live nativities), and inspirational conferences. Check with local churches and online event sites to find events in your area. to worship music in the car. Attending an event together takes a 2. Listen lot of planning, but is there a way to add faith to a simple dinner date?

If you prefer not to use notebooks, go to ChristCenteredMama.com/ goalworksheets to download a free 16 page printable of these questions, a goal-setting worksheet, and quarterly check-ins.

Mentioned in this article Weight of Glory by CS Lewis: bit.ly/CSLewisWoG

Absolutely! Listen to your favorite worship songs on the way to and from the restaurant. Turn on the radio or take turns being the DJ, then discuss what God is speaking to you through each song. together. Galatians 5:13 says to “serve one another through love.”

3. Serve What better way to celebrate and grow the love between you and your significant other than to spend time serving together? Find a local soup kitchen, a community outreach, or just deliver some goodies to friends going through a hard time. Sharing your time and gifts demonstrates Christ’s love to others and deepens that love within your relationship.

DATE NIGHT IN Whether you’re trying to save money or can’t make it out of the house because of your kids, a date night in can be just as faith-filled as a night out.

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Continued on page 23

The Desires of Your Heart By: Natalie Lewis | NatalieMetLewis.com

H

ey there, single gal. It’s me, Natalie. I think I can relate to some of the things you might be feeling right now.

You might be wondering what’s in store for your future and how much longer it will be till you get to see what God has for you. You may even be questioning whether God is even paying attention to your desires, or if He is too busy making all of “her” dreams come true.

At 29 and single, I experienced these same thoughts. I remember struggling to understand why God had not yet fulfilled these desires I had deep inside my heart to be a wife. The messages around me told me to keep the faith because this longing I had came from God, and He wouldn’t have given me the desire if He didn’t intend to fulfill it.

Looking back on this “encouragement” I see that it was kind of a trap. As I have had time to really think about this message, I have realized that this type of encouragement was not biblical, and I now understand why it leaves people feeling so disappointed.

Spoiler alert: This is not going to be a warm, squishy message that makes you feel good inside, but a message of truth that will help you break free from the bondage of false hope into true freedom and abundance.

It is a strange thing that we have convinced ourselves that any type of desire for marriage is, without a doubt, placed in our heart so virtuously by God. When we look at our longing for almost anything else, this becomes evident. Think about your desire to eat chocolate, to take a nap, or to go on vacation.

Would you automatically assume that this desire was placed in your heart by God? You might say, though, “What about the good and godly things in life? Surely those desires come from the Lord.”

“

It is a strange thing that we have convinced ourselves that any type of desire for marriage is, without a doubt, placed in our heart so virtuously from God. 21

Photo by Blake Cheek on Unsplash

To that I would say, “Of course they CAN come from the Lord, but there is also the chance that they have not.”

As a self-described “mission trip junkie” in my 20’s, I can see that not all pursuits of godly things are implanted by the Lord. If I looked back at each opportunity I had to travel for missions and were honest with myself, I’d admit that there were times I had a deep, godly passion to serve others and be His vessel, there were other times where I was just pumped to check out a new place, and even other times when it had become just a habit.

What this has shown me is that just because the object of my desire might be good, that doesn’t necessarily mean my motives or desires are good and pure.

In the same way, I think we need to look at this desire for marriage and examine where it comes from, instead of just assuming that God is the One that put this longing in the heart to begin with. Maybe this seems like an unnecessary distinction to make, but the reason why I feel it is so important is because we usually take this a step further and apply Psalm 37:4 to it: “Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

I can’t tell you how many times I have seen this verse paired with the phrase “God put this desire for marriage in my heart...” But when we combine these two ideas, we make a dangerous claim that “God wouldn’t have put this desire in my heart not to fulfill it.” From there we convince ourselves that if we want something strongly enough, it will one day be fulfilled.

all different - and He has a different plan for each one of us!

This is where we can veer off into trouble. I’ve seen people hold tighter to that verse than any other promise God makes. I’ve been that girl, too. If we aren’t careful, it can be a way that we subconsciously place expectations on God that He never promised to fulfill. When we do that, we are left feeling heartbroken or maybe even a little deceived by God when things don’t pan out like we hoped.

Seek to understand God’s plan for marriage in the way He designed it. The picture of marriage that the world gives can either make you wish for it like a fairytale or run from it like a bad dream. But getting a realistic picture of marriage through God’s eyes will help to keep your desire for it in the appropriate place: being able to both honor the sanctity of marriage and to see its value, but not let it take hold of your heart to an unhealthy level.

Whatever you discover in this evaluation of your heart, my advice is the same:

You can see how this can be a slippery slope that may have all started with the best of intentions from a friend just trying to share hope and encouragement!

Surrender your desire to the Lord. Being able to offer up your desire for marriage will keep it from becoming an idol in your life and release you from the potential stronghold it can cause. You will never find a safer place for this longing of your heart than in the hands of the Lord, and your faith in Him can be seen by others when you exhibit this great trust in His goodness and His plans for your life.

Knowing this, I want to challenge you with something that I think will bring you into a healthier relationship with your own desires and free you from some of the false hope that can defeat you.

Consider another interpretation of Psalm 37:4. Instead of assuming that God is promising in this verse to fulfill all of our deepest desires if we delight in Him, could it be that He is promising to place desires in us that align with His desires?

It’s possible that this “giving of our desires” is not Him fulfilling our wants, but Him transforming our heart to desire the things He desires when we abide in His presence.

I want you to take an honest look at your desires for marriage and ask the Lord to examine your heart, showing you where this longing came from. Ask yourself these questions and pray for open eyes to see the truth: Where did this desire come from? Why do I desire marriage? Is it because of what it will do for me? What’s my picture of marriage?

The truth is that a desire for marriage can come about in many ways. It could be that the Lord placed a longing in your heart or you may have this longing for marriage based on superficial things like movies or social media (#relationshipgoals anyone?). It could even come from a desire to just NOT be single anymore.

I pray that in sharing all this it will free you from the false comfort and hope that the world tends to “encourage” singles with that actually becomes a bit of a trap. We tend to gravitate towards messages that will give us the warm fuzzies or align with what we want, but those messages can often leave us empty and defeated. The truth is that the hope that the Lord brings - with a life lived in relationship with Him and the future of eternity in Heaven - brings more hope than we could ever need!

The point is not to assume that if you have a strong desire to get married that it is either God-given or worldly-given.

The point is to allow God to examine your heart and speak to you about your own unique experience because we are

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Think Galentine’s Day gifts:

7 Ways to Infuse Faith Into Your Next Date Night ARTICLE CONT. FROM PAGE 20

a book or devotional together. When my husband and I were just 4. Read starting to date, he picked up a book off my shelves one day and started reading it. It was Love Does by Bob Goff. I had read it before, but it became our book to read in the car or when we were just hanging out in the evenings.

It was so much fun to read through the stories in the book together and talk about what we learned from them.

When we got married, we were gifted a Bible with a devotion for each day of the year. We went through it every night and were presented with verses, questions, and challenges to deepen our relationship with God and each other. a book or devotional that interests both of you and that you can 5. Finding journey through together is a sure-fire way to connect and start deep conversations. Try writing down questions that you have as you read the book and ask them to your spouse at the end of your reading time. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at what God brings to mind as you read together. aside a time for prayer. I know, that doesn’t sound like something fun that 6. Set you want to do on a date night. But every great move of God has started with

The perfect gift for teachers:

prayer. If you want to see God move in your personal life, in your relationship, and in your family, you and your significant other need to set aside time to pray together. It doesn’t have to be an entire evening or even an hour, but dedicate a few minutes of your date night to praying together and watch how God moves. You won’t be disappointed. a faith-based movie. Nothing beats date night on the couch, watching 7. Watch one of your favorite movies. Instead of reaching for just any old movie, make a faith-based choice! Some of our favorite faith films are “Mom’s Night Out,” “Beyond The Mask,” “Woodlawn,” and “War Room.” These movies are entertaining, inspiring, and uplifting, and you can’t ask for anything better than that.

See, I told you these ideas wouldn’t be boring! All of these are designed to draw you closer together and closer to the Lord, and I can’t think of a more perfect date than one that does both of those!

Do you have a great idea for a faith-based date night? Share it with us on Instagram! Use the hashtag #sfwmag and be sure to tag @spiritfilledwomanmag and @smalltownsoulblog so we can see what you’re up to! See ya there!

Available at your local bookstore, on Amazon, and Barnes & Noble.com

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Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

When Marriage is Hard...

By: Lisa Hensley | LisaHensley.me

LATE ONE NIGHT, I WAS SCROLLING THROUGH FACEBOOK AND SAW AN EXCITED POST: “I JUST GOT ENGAGED TO THE MAN WHO WILL MAKE ME HAPPY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!”

I Am NOT My

I sat worried (even though I clicked “like”), horrified at this unrealistic view of marriage. My husband and I had only been married for three or four years at the time, but it was long enough to realize that no one person is going to make you happy for one day, much less the rest of your life.

By: Shontell Brewer | ShontellBrewer.com

I

That’s often the picture of marriage that we’re presented with, even in the church. Marry this person - he will sustain you and lead you and make you happy and be all the things that you could ever need. Except, of course, that person is a sinner who can actually do none of those things well or perfectly every day or even all of one day. We should all release our husbands from the task of fulfilling what they are never called to do.

woke up this morning and realized I was grumpy because my husband wasn’t doing things my way. First of all, he was making the bed with me in it. I gave him a single-eyed glare and an “Are you serious, dude?” eyebrow raise. If that weren’t enough to handle, he has also stopped going to church completely. Each of these is threatening to annoy me at the same level.

We simply can’t expect something from other people that only God can provide (noting, of course, that God doesn’t promise to make us happy; that’s not even a goal for life).

Sure, we have certain expectations for marriage: courtesy, faithfulness, commitment. And sure, we even hope that we’ll have a happy marriage; I, personally, adore being married.

But happiness isn’t what marriage is about, and we’ll never find happiness in marriage by making that the goal.

It was right in the middle of this holy-ish thinking that God did a little “plunk, plunk, plunk” like He was flicking that plank in my eye.

Marriage is a gift to steward well.

It’s a gift to me and my husband or you and your husband, but it’s not just to us. It’s supposed to be a gift to our children if we have them, to our neighbors, to our friends, to our small group members, and to all of our community. Our marriage should mean that both my husband and I serve Jesus better and love Him better because we are married to each other. It should mean that we link arms and run longer and farther than we would have alone.

Marriage means we both become more like Jesus by laying down our lives for one another (John 15:13, Ephesians 5:21).

You might say these are definitely not at the same level, but you weren’t in the bed. He was in the military. He takes bed-making very seriously - as seriously as I take attending church.

I realized I had very few minutes to worry about my husband’s actions. What with all the judging, snide remarks, and withholding my unconditional love - thrown in with all the sins God just reminded me of in my own heart - my calendar was suddenly full.

I’m not usually so self-deprecating (which is why it was so natural to focus on where I thought my husband was falling short). But, God wanted me to focus on how I planned to grow today - not how my husband giving up church was affecting his salvation. Because going to church doesn’t mean you’re saved, so what was I really concerned with?

Once I started asking the right questions, it allowed God some space to start pruning my own heart. There were weeds there that asked, “What if my husband’s example causes my kids to not go to church anymore?” Overgrowth was present that looked like me white-knuckling their salvation as if I have anything to do with saving my children.

Thankfully, these conversations come around often enough to remind me that my role with my husband is not as appointment maker, savior, or even doormat. I am his help-mate. That’s who God says I am. Actually, Genesis 2:18 describes me as a “helper suitable for him.” When all my focus goes to reminding my spouse of his shortcomings or telling him how I think our whole lives could be better if he would just (fill in the blank), I am not possibly working to be suitable for my husband. In fact, I am becoming my husband’s biggest problem.

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it is Still Worth it

Husband’s Savior I’d love to tell you this has all been resolved. That my husband has found a new faith and is leading men’s breakfast and mentoring youngsters. That I’ve learned how to be a stellar wife and exactly what my husband needs while feeding the homeless and leading the MOPs group at my church. I don’t do any of that actually. We don’t even have a MOPs group, and my husband doesn’t enjoy leading children anywhere.

“

I have learned that the real struggle here is how much I trust God to be the author of my husband’s story just as much as I trust God with my own.

But I have learned that the real struggle here is how much I trust God to be the author of my husband’s story just as much as I trust God with my own. This doesn’t come down to my husband changing. This comes down to me trusting God and surrendering what was never mine to hold.

Don’t worry. I spoke up about him making the bed with me in it. He’s agreed to work on that, and he’s started bringing me coffee instead. I’ve also told him why I think church is important. Then, I freed him to decide what he’ll choose because he’s a grown man. And, I have asked him for accountability when he sees me pulling away. In turn, I take those worries to God. I am still a work in progress, but I am learning to trust - to surrender what was never mine to hold in the first place.

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We should sharpen one another (Proverbs 27:17), disciple one another (Colossians 3:16), love one another (John 13:34-35), and honor each other (Romans 12:10). Doing life with someone, with all the difficulties and challenges and blessings, means that we see more of who we really are than if we just dress up and go to dinner twice a week. Even though that feels uncomfortable, it is a very good thing.

The grind of life can leave us fighting battles (hopefully together and not against each other), but either way, the fairy-tale story fades from the picture quickly. If we got married for happiness, we will have to ask what we are doing wrong. Is our spouse not our soulmate? Did we sidestep God’s will? Can we make three simple changes for happiness?

No, no, and no. It’s simply that marriage can be hard. That doesn’t mean that marriage can’t also be good. We often associate “good” with “easy” and think that “hard” and “bad” are synonyms, but that is not true. Most good things are also hard.

Good things are worth working for, and that includes your marriage.

When life is hard, we should go to God for strength and joy and then stand together, holding one another up. We go to God for strength, praying our marriage doesn’t crumble. I’ve stood by friends when their spouse isn’t seeking God or when their spouse has left them, and I’ve watched them turn to God and grow deep roots.

They’ve harvested from those roots for years and fed many other people.

I’ve watched women stop expecting their husbands to do what only God can do and instead put their hearts and minds to the work alongside their spouse. As a result, God has done great things with their marriages and families. I’ve learned that my husband benefits the most from our marriage when I am a woman fulfilled in God, contributing from my gifts instead of being a weight he has to carry.

When marriage is hard, we find our hope in God. When marriage is hard, we look to God for joy and strength.

When marriage is hard, we dig into the work because good things are worth it.

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February

But I have trusted in your faithful love; my heart will rejoice in your deliverance.

2019

I will sing to the Lord because he has treated me generously.

Psalm 13:5-6 CSB

1

1 John 4:18-19

6

1 Chronicles 16:34

13

Romans 13:8

20

Galatians 2:20

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Galatians 5:22-23

7

Micah 6:8

14

8

Ephesians 4:2

15

Zephaniah 3:17

Psalm 36:5-6

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22

Song of Songs 8:6-7

Romans 8:37-39

2

Psalm 86:15

9

2 Corinthians 5:14

16

Ephesians 5:2

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Isaiah 54:10

3

John 14:15

10

Luke 6:35

4

Colossians 3:14

11

Nehemiah 9:17

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18

1 John 2:9-10

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Proverbs 3:3-4

1 John 3:1

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Psalm 63:3

5

Proverbs 10:12

12

Galatians 5:13-14

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Romans 13:9-10

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Song of Songs 2:4

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1 John 3:16-18

Photo by Anne Edgar on Unsplash

Color Page Artist: A N N A F R I E N DT ANCHOR 13 STUDIO - a collaborative creative arts studio where creatives create to partner with survivorled, nonprofit organizations that fight to abolish human sex trafficking as well as bring hope, healing, and love to those who are in the commercial sex industry. Their mission: pointing the hearts of people towards the

same kind of healing and restoration that Anna has been able to experience in her life, ultimately leading her to a life of victory and freedom. All proceeds from shopping the online shop at anchor13studio.com and purchasing artist creations go straight into financially supporting survivor-led organizations.

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ADVICE

with Rebekah Hargraves

Q: "How can I make God a priority in the busy season of mothering littles?

How can I be a good example to them in this area?"

Q: "How can I stand for my marriage in the hard times?"

1. REMEMBER WHO YOUR REAL ENEMY IS Marriage, as wonderful as it is, can also be downright hard sometimes.

When this is the reality in your life, it's so important to first remember that no matter what your husband may have done to contribute to the hard season you are in as a couple, he is not the enemy here. Remember who the real enemy is and fight him instead. Ephesians 6:10-12 says, "Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Your husband is not your enemy - Satan is. He is the one working behind the scenes to sow discord, disunity, and disharmony in your marriage. It's time to fight back.

1. BE IN THE WORD The first step is to intentionally purpose to be in the Word of God on a regular basis. Do not view this as a box to check off your to-do list.

Rather, view it as your necessary nourishment, your daily bread. Second Timothy 3:16-17 tells us, "All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work." If we are not in the Word, we are illequipped for the good work of mothering. So the first way to prioritize the Lord and exemplify this to your children is to simply spend time in His Word (and, of course, in prayer as well!). View this as a true privilege, a part of your ongoing relationship with Him - not something you have to do, but something you get to do! With the technology we have at our fingertips, making time to get into the Word is now easier than ever: read the Word on your Bible app while in the waiting room, listen to the audio version while cooking, etc. We really do have time and opportunity to be in the Word - we just have to want that more than we want time to scroll social media.

2. PUT ON YOUR ARMOR - ALL OF IT Ephesians 6:13-18 goes on to tell us how we are to fight: "Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints." This armor is an amazing gift from God - let's not waste it! It is needed during every trial, temptation, or spiritual battle we could ever face in life.

2. BRING THEM ALONG Delight in having your children see you in God's Word. Perfectly quiet "quiet times" are great, but if the kiddos wake up before you would like them to, welcome them into your time with the Lord just as Christ would have done. Don't just tell them they should prioritize the Word; let them see you actually doing so!

3. PROCLAIM THE WORD Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." This is to be our primary mission and focus as parents. It's important to notice the order and progression here. First the Word has to be in our hearts - we have to know it, study it, and meditate on it. Then, we can share it with our children in a simple, relevant, applicable way as we do life together.

3. NEVER GIVE UP - REMAIN ON YOUR KNEES IN PRAYER Notice how many times the word "stand" is found in Ephesians 6:10-18.

One of the ways you can stand for your marriage, interestingly enough, is by being on your knees in prayer. James 5:16 says, "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.�

That brings me to my final point: 4. BE HUMBLE AND GRACIOUS In the midst of seeking to stand for your marriage, even if it is in a situation in which your husband has mistreated you or maligned your marriage in some way, it still pays to be humble and gracious towards him. That's not to say it is easy, but it is to say it is right. First Peter 3:1-2 says, "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear." This is not to say you are required to submit yourself to a husband's sinful requests or that you are to fear your husband. It is to say that you are to fear God and, because you do, operate out of a place of love and grace. Portraying the goodness and grace of God to your husband in this way can go a long way towards there being a change wrought in your marriage!

4. LIVE THE WORD Let your kiddos see the power of God's Word and the relevance of it to every issue of life. Allow them to see how it makes a difference in your heart and life. When you sin against your children, ask for their forgiveness and proclaim to them the good news of the gospel and why you need that good news just as much as they do. When you encounter someone in financial need, minister to him or her as Christ would. When someone is in need of prayer, pause and pray for that person alongside your kids.

Each of these is a tangible way you can go about making the Lord and His Word a priority in your life and, thereby, inspire your little ones to grow up to do the same. *verses sited here are NKJV unless otherwise noted.

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Host a Galentine’s Day

FAVORITE THINGS PARTY

1. Print the download at SpiritFilledWomanMag.com/library 2. Invite 5-15 Gal Pals (all your besties) 3. Choose a price-point - $7-$20 4. Each gal brings 5-15 of the same thing to exchange 5. You could theme your party (Leslie Knope would be proud) spa night / soiree / mom’s night out / devotional 6. Each guest brings a dish (could be appetizers, snacks, etc.) or meet at a favorite restaurant 7. Bonus points for writing each guest a sweet note download a Galentine’s card at SpiritFilledWomanMag.com/library

NEED MORE IDEAS AND TIPS FOR YOUR PARTY? Head to SpiritFilledWomanMag.com/blog/Favorite-Gal-Party Was your party a success? Share it with us using the hashtag: #SFWfavGalParty

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Sing to the LORD a new song, for he has done marvelous things; his right hand and his holy arm have worked salvation for him.

Psalm 98:1

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