Triple Threat

parenting triplets in the Capital District

Stress can lead to violence

There is help and a way out for domestic violence victims of any age

The past six months and I have been married for women have been reaching out adult, man, woman, straight, have tested every famfifteen years and don’t always to the National Domestic Viogay, trans or non-binary – is ily. The divorce rate agree, but we try to show our lence Hotline or local agencies hard and can feel insurmounthas risen 34 percent kids that people can love one seeking help. There has been a able. There is help, and no one is over the same time last year, and another and not always agree. 9 percent increase in domesalone in this fight. a New York Post article from Sept. 1 states that 31 percent of couples feel that being together in this very trying time has “caused irreparable damage to their relationships.” In my house, we have fought more since March 13 … however, we talk a lot too. Our big family is Domestic violence in all forms has been on the rise since the pandemic caused many jobs to evaporate and incomes slashed. Many families were tic violence since March 16, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The external stressors keep mounting, and the isolation helps to hide evidence of violence and intimidation. by Jennifer Steuer I have watched my children grow and develop their own unique personalities. Talking about violence in relationships is not easy, but it is necessary. Young love is not immune to violence. My job is to prepare Olivia, Benjamin, and Rebecca to protect themselves and to in a small space, and sometimes left unable to pay bills have the skills to help someone the adults disagree. We can get and under immense presI am a domestic violence who may be in a relationship upset when someone is unable sure with schools being closed survivor. It has been 18 years, that is unhealthy. There are to understand what we are try(or classes held virtually) and but this is part of who I am and places that concentrate on teens ing to say. Olivia, Benjamin and a loss of recreational activities. how I identify myself. Getting facing a violent relationship. Rebecca see us argue, and they All relationships are vulnerable out of an abusive relationship see us talk things out. Harlan to domestic violence. Men and – whether you are teen, young Continued on Page 7

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One website (dosomething. org), gives very alarming statistics: One in three young people will be in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. The violent behavior usually begins somewhere between sixth and 12th grade. The statistics are frightening: “50 percent of young people who experience rape or physical or sexual abuse will attempt to commit suicide,” according to the website. Also, the teens that do experience dating violence are subject to consequences far beyond the relationship. The long-term effects can include alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity and violent behavior.

I realize that Olivia, Benjamin and Rebecca are not in relationships now, and hopefully will never be the victims or perpetrators of dating or domestic violence. The conversations we have aren’t geared just toward Ben as the possible abuser and Olivia and Rebecca as the potential victims. Dating and domestic violence is not that clean cut. Any of my kids could be an abuser or victim. Hopefully by having conversations and letting my son and daughters hear that violence is unacceptable, they would come to us or reach out to somebody for help. They will be able to help a friend. They can be part of the solution.

There has been a 9 percent increase in domestic violence since March 16, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The external stressors keep mounting, and the isolation helps to hide evidence of violence and intimidation.

RESOURCES FOR HELP

National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-7233 If you cannot speak safely: thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 22522 or (866) 331-9474 For teens and young adults: Dosomething.org LGBT National Hotline: (866) 843-4564 LGBT National Youth Talkline: (800) 246-7743 LGBT National Senior Hotline: (800) 234-7243 Equinox: (518) 432-7865 Albany County Crime Victim and Sexual Violence Center: (518) 447-7716 Rensselaer County Unity House: (518) 272-2370 (collect calls accepted) or text (518) 720-6161 or webchat online at rc.chat/uhdvs

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My experience as a survivor VISIT SAFERCAR.GOV/THERIGHTSEAT helps me talk to my kids. More than once I have shown them where I lived and how far I was allowed to go if I was to leave AGX-2A001D 3.5x10 4CMG.indd the house. I lived across the AGX-2A001D AD COUNCIL street from a bus stop. I was Version Paper HI-RES IN PLACE Fortune Gloss Studio Manager Proofreader S. Gordon Henry “NHTSA Pencil” Non-Bleed: 3.5” x 10” walking distance to grocery Proof# Line Screen . 133 Art Director Copywriter N. Chambers S. Lundberg 4/C Magazine Thin Vertical Line Screen: 133 stores and playgrounds. I was Edit Round Print/Export 4 4-4-2012 1:38 PM Creative Director Production Manager None J. Adler-Kerekes Printed at: Galley: Pubs: Various Insertion Date: 2012 not allowed to cross that street. 100% 1 Account Executive Client S. Pollitt Ad Council I was not allowed to walk to PDF Sent To: Fonts: None Placed Images: the store. Olivia, Benjamin Pencil 3.5x10_nc.ai (Up to Date; 100.15%) and Rebecca gave me stunned Notes: None looks when I told them how far I was allowed to go. They had questions about my situation and wanted to know why I didn’t just walk where I wanted to, and the answer seemed to stun them: I wasn’t allowed and there would be consequences. I took back my life with help. I am a safe person to talk to about domestic violence or dating violence.

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If you are a victim, please reach out for help. You are not alone.

Jennifer Steuer is an Albany mom whose busy household includes her husband, Harlan, and 12-year-old triplets Olivia, Benjamin and Rebecca. Follow her on Instagram: jennifersteuer.