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September 2012 Published By Tina Schultz Designed By Spy Design www.brokenlink.ca
5 Key Messages to Prepare the Kids for Your Divorce By Rosalind Sedacca
One of the most difficult conversations I ever had was telling my son about my pending divorce. I struggled with the anxiety of guilt, shame, fear and dread for weeks in advance. Thankfully I found a plan. I came up with a storybook concept about our family to break the news. That original storybook became the genesis of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love! This unique ebook provides customizable fill-in-the-blank ageappropriate templates that parents can use to prepare their children for the many changes ahead. The ebook also focuses on five key messages that are essential for every child to hear and understand when their parents divorce. It is imperative that you share these points with your children. This will enable them to better handle, accept and even embrace the challenges and changes they will soon be facing: • • • • •
This is not your fault. Mom and Dad will always be your parents. This is about change, not about blame. Things will work out okay. Mom and Dad will always love you
These core messages are the foundation your children will depend on when they are feeling frightened, sad or insecure. Repeat them often in your own words. You’ll be rewarded in countless ways as you and your children encounter and overcome the challenges of life after divorce.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Divorce & Parenting Coach and Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. For a free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting and other valuable resources go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com/?ap_id=BrokenLink.
Home Inspections
By Kevin Seitz, B. Mgt, MBR. Calgary and area Realtor since 2005, Carter and Associate Realty
Handling real estate during the divorce? Not getting a quality home inspection can hold up the paper work. There are good reasons to hire a home inspector when divorcing, even if you are staying with the property. Appraisers don’t necessarily take into account the repairs a home may need – like a new roof or mold that has to be removed — that can lower its value. Home inspectors, on the other hand, would include such information in their reports. That information could then be provided to the appraiser for a more accurate estimate of a home’s worth. This comes in very handy when negotiating the divorce settlement. That, in turn, can help ensure that the party getting the house is getting a fair deal. Why don’t more people consider an inspection? Divorce experts would recommend a home inspection to all divorcing clients. Some consider it but most don’t actually book the appointment. Divorce experts also believe the decision to hold on to the home is mostly an emotional decision. Couples can get caught up by the emotions of a divorce and can’t see it for what it truly is — a business transaction. Who should pay for the home inspection? Lawyers recommend that the divorcing couple split the cost or, if they aren’t willing to share, the one who is awarded the house should pay for it. Either way, both parties win when they have all the information and a home inspection helps. All rights reserved © Kevin Seitz Kevin@thesportsrealestateguy.com 403-850-0252
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Kevin Seitz B.Mgt, ABR
TOP COMPANY REALTOR® 2010 CARTER & ASSOCIATES REALTY 400, 7015 MACLEOD TRAIL, Calgary, AB P: (403) 850-0252 F: (403) 476-5091 E: kevinsellscalgary@live.ca Whether you're looking to buy or sell in and around the Calgary area, I'm ready to help you through the process at every step of the way -and I promise I'll keep it light, easy, and fun.
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES Every human being on the planet wants to be happy. Anything that anyone desires is because they think their desire will make them happy. Whether it is health, money, a loving relationship, material things, accomplishments, a job, or anything at all, the desire for happiness is the bottom line of all of them. But remember that happiness is a state inside of us, and something on the outside can only... bring fleeting happiness, because material things are impermanent. Permanent happiness comes from you choosing to be permanently happy. When you choose happiness, then you attract all the happy things as well. The happy things are the icing on the cake, but the cake is happiness.
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From The Secret Daily Teachings by Rhonda Byrne www.thesecret.tv
403.547.9558 thesparitual.com 106 Crowfoot Terrace NW
Grey Divorce By Tina Schultz, CDFA™
Grey divorce refers to a divorce after the age of 65 (some refer it after 50). This is a phenomenon because of the high number of divorces in this huge demographic group which to us is the baby boomer generation. People divorcing in this category may have a lot to deal with when it comes to recovering from the emotional and financial impacts. Decision making is more important than ever. According to Statistics Canada, the phenomenon of “grey divorce” in 2008 (the most recent year for which statistics are available) there were 852 divorces where both partners were 65 and over. Some experts say these rates will keep going up as the Baby Boomer generation continues to age. Issues baby boomers can face when deciding divorce: • Re-entering the workforce and preparing for major change: A spouse who needs to return to work may not have the education or may have outdated skills. Going from a double-income to a one-income household will take some adjustment at any age. The fact that they are not in their asset gathering years, but rather in their asset-depleting years, lifestyles can be hugely diminished because there’s a possibility of little or no future growth and income. • Health insurance: The ability to maintain or acquire health insurance at this age is a serious challenge both financially and practically. • Financial situations. Most persons expect to retire in their late 50’s or early 60’s, but when a late-in-life divorce strikes, retirement timing and funding are derailed. Retirement is replaced by new priorities, which include; having to take the nest egg intended for retirement and dividing it; or paying alimony and/or sometimes child support because these days many older couples have minor children as they have decided to have children later in life. • Living Arrangements: the cost of maintaining a house is what often takes the non-breadwinning spouse into financial despair after a divorce • Affects it has on older children: divorce can be a painful experience for the adult children and could have detrimental effects on future relationships with them and possibly their grandchildren too. All too often parents will drag their children into their arguments and look at them as confidants, which can put the children in awkward and upsetting positions. If one parent is left less well off then the other, the burden can often fall on the adult children to lend a helping hand financially. The divorce can also have an impact on the credibility of the children’s own relationships. If their parent’s so called perfect marriage failed, what possible chance can their relationship have of succeeding? There are several factors that may explain rising Boomer divorce rates: • Alzheimer or Dementia – one of the partners no longer recognizes the other • Second or subsequent marriages- higher divorce rates in second marriages than those in first marriages • Empty nest syndrome - couples look towards individual self-fulfillment after their parental duties have been discharged. With increasing life expectancies, individuals are looking at their spouses and asking themselves: “Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person.” Once retirement hits, many couples discover that they no longer have anything in common and need to get to know each other all over again. • Retired Husband Syndrome – being a baby boomer, the man was more often the bread winner while the wife stayed home and took care of the home and children. The presence of a man in the house 24 hours a day has been recognised as causing stress to many wives. The emotional detachment and leading near separate lives during the man’s working years as simply driven them apart The financial decisions you make today regarding your separation or divorce can affect your future. Knowing what your financial outlook is 5, 10 or 15 years down the road can give you a piece of mind. Proper planning and expert help from a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™ can increase and improve your chances of arriving at a fair settlement that fully addresses your long term needs and goals. All rights reserved © Broken Link Divorce Planning
Tina Schultz, CDFA™
P 403.880.0857 E info@brokenlink.ca W www.brokenlink.ca
“Divorcing With Integrity”
Pr oper planning and expert help from a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™ can increase and improve your chances of arriving at a fa ir settlement in your divorce that fully addresses your long term needs and goals.
LegalShield – Logic Advice vs Legal Advice By Brent Davidson, Independent Associate
When it comes to looking after all of the day-to-day things that happen in your life we tend to use resources that are available. For our finances we use the bank, talking with the customer service representative and taking their advice. For insurance we go to the insurance professional and for health issues we go to our doctor. So why is it that when we have a legal issue or question instead of going to a lawyer we tend to ask our friends and family what they think the answer should be? Nine out of ten times the answer from the friends and family is logical. The challenge is that those answers are not always legal. Our laws have nothing to do with logic. People don’t use lawyers when they should because of the cost; LegalShield has an answer for that. For one low monthly fee you can have access to top quality lawyers to deal with anything from the traumatic to the trivial.
BRENT DAVIDSON Independent Associate
c: (403) 968-6313 e: brentd84@gmail.com
Reference number 125762294
brentdavidson.legalshield.com
Ever had a question dealing with your separation agreement, spousal support, custody, or what to do to change or update your Will and Power of Attorney? Of course you have and now you have someone other than your family and friends to call for an answer. Now instead of hundreds of dollars per hour you can have access to top quality lawyers for as little as $26.00 a month. That’s less that a dollar a day. What is your peace of mind worth? All rights reserved © LegalShield
If you want one of our experts to write an article about a specific topic you want to know more about please email comments@brokenlink.ca
Seminars / Webinars •
Parenting after Separation Seminar: www.albertacourts.ab.ca/go/ CourtServices/FamilyJusticeServices/ CoursesSeminarsforParentsandFamilies/tabid/126/ Default.aspx
Advertise your divorce/financial related seminars, webinars or courses here
Recommended Books •
Calling it Quits: Late-Life Divorce and Starting Over by Deirdre Bair
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The Power by Rhonda Byrne
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The Magic by Rhonda Byrne
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Blended Family Advice By Shirley Cress Dudley
Websites •
Child Support Tables: www.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/fcy-fea/lib-bib/legis/fcsg-lfpae/index.html
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Child Support Tables (Continued): www.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/fcy-fea/lib-bib/pub/guide/index.html
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Child Support Calculator: www.childsupportcalculator.ca/alberta.html
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What Happens Next? Information for kids about separation and divorce: www.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/ fcy-fea/lib-bib/pub/book-livre/index.html
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Split your Pension Income: www.cra-arc.gc.ca/tx/ndvdls/tpcs/pnsn-splt/hw-eng.html
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Government of Canada: www.canada.gc.ca/home.html
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Canada Revenue Agency: www.cra-arc.gc.ca/cntct/menu-eng.html
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Service Canada, Services for Families and Children: www.servicecanada.gc.ca/eng/audiences/families/ index.shtml
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Ordering a Marriage Certificate: www.servicealberta.ca/1158.cfm
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Canadian Divorce Act: www.laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/PDF/D-3.4.pdf
Advertise your divorce related websites or social media links here
Advertise your pre or post divorce related book or eBook here
Blended Family Couples Struggle Against the Odds By Shirley Cress Dudley
Let’s face it; blended family success rates are struggling to keep up with the failure rates. Second marriages end in divorce at an even higher rate than first marriages do! The last thing you want for your blended family is another loss to pile on top of the one that already hurt you and your children.
that your marriage and your relationship will stay secure. If one of you is hesitant to speak their mind for fear of reaction or threats of divorce, your safety zone has been breached. Because no couple agrees on all things at all times, it is important to know you can state your mind without dire consequences or without wishing you had never spoken up!
These tips may help you and your blended family partner keep from falling into those couple traps that lead to poor relationship dynamics.
Fight fair ~ The 1st rule of fair fighting is, of course, no physical violence – ever. The 2nd rule is, fight only about the subject at hand, without dragging out other complaints.. No allusions to hurtful past experiences, emotional or physical weaknesses, or personal fears. Never hurt your partner intentionally, no name-calling, no attacking, and no screaming.
Give your relationship the respect it deserves ~ Always keep the success of your marriage as the focus of your life together, so the relationship itself can grow and become stronger. If you think that shifting your main focus away from your spouse and onto the children will help the situation, you do everyone a disservice. Work together in a conscious effort to build a relationship of mutual respect and understanding. Conflicts will certainly arise, but they do not have to be damaging. Be safe ~ Create a communication safety zone to protect your relationship. This means that no matter what one person says in anger, you both agree
Forget about the small stuff ~ Learn how to distinguish between big problems and little ones. In the category of big problems you will tend to see things like health, financial security, welfare of the children, fidelity, and such. Talk it over, and decide what is really important to you as a couple, important to you as step parents. Fighting over the small stuff is a waste of time, and a waste of a caring relationship.
For more information, visit The Blended and Step Family Resource Center Copyright 2012 © TheBlendedAndStepFamilyResourceCenter.com
Shelley Richardson Certified Image Consultant
Is It Selfish Or Frivolous To Worry About Your Self-Image In The Middle Of A Divorce? By Shelley Richardson, Certified Image Consultant
No. Self-esteem increases your ability to take the emotional hit that divorce inevitably deals. Part of creating that self-esteem is working on your selfimage. When you look good you feel good! It also gives you a reserve of personal resources to share with your kids, if you have them. When you increase your esteem for your authentic self, it’s like a single person planting a tree. And, isn’t time you planted some seeds for your own growth.
Are you waiting to lose weight before you buy that new wardrobe? If you’re wearing the same uninspiring clothes that make you feel drab, work with an Image Consultant as your professional advisor assisting you in creating an image that will define you and enhance your experience with people. This can make all the difference between creating that first impression and getting the job, to impressing your clients at that next meeting or showing that special someone who you truly are. The better you feel, the more Dress as if you’re where you want likely you’ll be motivated to keep to be in the future. making positive changes in your life. All rights reserved © Truly U Image, Shelley Richardson
P. 403-561-9383 E. Shelley@trulyuimage.com W. www.trulyuimage.com
Learn How to Dress to: Flatter your body type Enhance your features Build self-confidence Impress for Sucess
Truly U
www.fifthavenuecollection.com/shelleyrichardson
Parenting After Separation
Divorce Statistics In Canada
Family Justice Services is a group of programs and services offered by the Government of Alberta, Justice and Attorney General and the Alberta courts to help Albertans get appropriate solutions for family law disputes. For more information, please call: Calgary 403-297-6981; Edmonton 780-4278329; Elsewhere in Alberta 403-340-7187; Dial 3100000 first for toll free access in Alberta. Website: www.albertacourts.ab.ca
Here’s a sampling of some of the most recently available statistics on marriage and divorce in Canada: • About 48.5% of the adult population in Canada was married in 2006 (as opposed to single, separated, divorced, widowed or living in common law). This is the first known time in Canadian history that the percentage was under half; the figure was 50.1% in 2001 and more than 60% during the 1980s. • The number of marriages in the country was 149,236 in 2006 -- down nearly 2,000 from the previous year, but up from 148,585 in 2004. • In 2006, there were 1,629,490 divorced Canadians -- or about 5% of the population. 941,306 (well over half) of the divorcees were female. • As of 2006, there were 1,414,060 single-parent families in Canada -- or approximately 15.9% of all families. Of the lone-parent families, 1,132,290 were headed by the mother. In 1971, the number was approximately 476,300. • There were 70,828 divorces in 2003 -- down from 71,144 in 2000. • More than one-third of marriages in Canada will end in divorce before the thirtieth anniversary. • A recent study from the National Population Health Survey shows that men between the ages of 20 and 64 are six times as likely to suffer from depression if they were divorced or separated, than if they stayed married. For women, the figure is 3.5 times as likely for the divorced or separated. According to the same NPHS survey, 43% of women who have undergone a marital breakup (divorce or separation) had a substantial decrease in household income, while 15% of separated or divorced men had a financial decline.
Family Justice Services
Parenting After Separation (PAS) — is a no cost, six hour workshop to help parents understand the effects and impact of separation or divorce on parents and their children. PAS provides suggestions on how to make positive choices while living apart. Anyone who is separated (married or not) and anyone who is considering separation should attend. Parenting After Separation for Families in High Conflict (PASHC) PASHC is a no cost three hour seminar available to all parents who have already completed the six hour Parenting After Separation (PAS) course. PASHC is presently available in Calgary and Edmonton areas only. Course topics include: Separating Partner and Parental Roles Parenting Plan for High Conflict Families Anger, Abuse, Power and Control Child Development and the Needs of Children Renegotiating Boundaries
Source: Statistics Canada
Focus on Children in Separation (FOCIS) This no cost course is designed to help parents communicate while parenting apart.
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Litigation - a legal process where parties argue their case against each other through the usage of discovery and court room procedures. Very expensive and a judge decides your future for you and your children.
High Cost $$$$
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Divorce Resolution Options
Arbitration - a formal process just like going to court, if parties remain deadlocked on certain issues. Both parties will meet with the arbitrator and present their respective positions, both parties must be prepared to accept and abide by the arbitrators ruling.
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Collaborative Law Practice - both parties retain an individual lawyer. Downside is, if you can’t reach a satisfactory settlement you might be headed to court, both lawyers are disqualified you have to start whole process over again with new lawyers. Legal fees can get high in this process.
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Broken Link Divorce News
Mediation - a neutral third party helps with unresolved issues using negotiation techniques and the parties decide what happens.
Tina Schultz, CDFA™
P 403.880.0857 E advertising@brokenlink.ca comments@brokenlink.ca W www.brokenlink.ca/divorcenews
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™ - a financial expert in property and asset division and provides expertise related to financial issues of divorce. Creates a rock solid personal financial analysis for the client to make sure the client understands the short and long term financial impacts of different settlement proposals. Works with mediators and Lawyers to make sure the property division is fair. Low Cost
Resolved at Your Kitchen Table Low Conflict
High Conflict