The Senior Resource

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OVERCOMING GUILT WITH SENIOR CARE DECISIONS

If you’re responsible for deciding care for your elder family member or friend, it can cause a lot of stress. Senior care decisions aren’t easy for anyone to make, especially for a loved one.

Are you making the right choice by putting them in a senior living community or personal care home? Will they receive adequate care? Are you capable of being their caregiver? Do they need more care than you can provide? If things go wrong, is it your fault? What could you have done to prevent this scenario altogether? These are all questions you’re probably asking yourself and you’re not alone—many caregivers feel this guilt, and there is support out there for you.

Caregiving can sometimes feel like a demanding, full-time job. Although it allows you to spend more time with your loved ones, it can be quite emotionally and physically draining. One of the most challenging decisions to make is whether or not to seek other care options. These options vary by level, ranging from no assistance to around-the-clock nursing care.

The answer as to whether you should pursue senior care options for your loved one is never black and white often resulting in mixed emotions. Recognizing the feeling of guilt is the first step in tackling those difficult emotions that often accompany eldercare. Ample research and communication play a key role in alleviating guilt and making the best decision for your loved one.

It’s important that guilt is addressed as it’s unlikely to go away on its own. Trying some of the following tactics may help in reducing guilt.

• Openly discussing the situation with your loved one, friends We Feel Youand family can help ease some burdens while also ensuring Sometimes guilt can everyone feels confident about become so strong any choices made. it’s difficult to get • Researching the right care and through each day. involving your loved one in the process as much as possible can help alleviate feelings of guilt. • Mentally opening the door to let guilt, frustration or regret come in is sometimes needed to address and process the complexity of these emotions. Writing down what you feel or simply observing these feelings without judgement can make them less powerful and lighter. • Identifying the source and recognizing where it is coming from is the key to navigating feelings of guilt. • Practicing gratitude and shifting your focus to acknowledging any opportunities you’ve gained as a result of your decision about their care. For example, are you able to spend more quality time with your loved one now? What are you more knowledgeable about now having gone through the situation? • Consider what you might say to a friend or family member in a similar situation as you. Oftentimes we’re harder on ourselves. Show yourself some kindness and replace those negative self-thoughts with compassion.

If you continue to beat yourself up for not being able to provide all the care they require, seek forgiveness within yourself. Recognize that you’re doing your best to help your loved one and you still play a valuable role in their care.

Guilt can affect your relationship with your loved one and the attention and care you’re able to provide. If you’re struggling to find ways to work through guilt, a therapist, counselor, or support group are additional options to help untangle emotions and find ways to create change within yourself.

Prioritizing mental health is vital for both your well-being and to be able to provide the best care for your loved one.