Creative Writing Final Portfolio
Belen Sanchez
Contents Author's Letter - 3 Creative Nonfiction - 4-6 Reflection - 7 Poetry - 8-9 Reflection - 10 Fiction - 11 - 17 Reflection - 18 About the Author - 19 - 20
Author's Letter
In this portfolio, you will find pieces that we have created throughout the 2020 spring semester. I say “we� because it would be wrong to say that I was the sole creator. It has been a blessing to be able to work with my peers and professor all who made a large impact on my writing. The ideas that we would bounce off of each other gave me the confidence to write these pieces. All of these pieces came with doubt and uncertainty, but by working together with incredibly talented writers, it was easy to learn how to become more comfortable with my writing. Once I learned to be comfortable with my writing, it was so much easier to compose pieces that made sense to me and my audience. I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I enjoyed making them.
Creative Non-fiction Lactose Intolerant Enough It is three in the morning when my parents hear me screaming at the top of my lungs. I’m a baby with no way to communicate except for my sounding of the alarm. This isn’t the first time that the alarm goes off though. I started to feel pain in my tummy six months into ife. As soon as I felt the slight pain, it increased into a cramp that would feel like I swallowed knives by accident, hence the loud alarm (sorry mom and pop). My parents would take me to the doctor to try and figure out what was wrong with me. It took a couple tries, due to slightly uneducated doctors that resided in my hometown, to figure out what was wrong with me. Holy cow, I’m lactose intolerant?
My parents were determined to fix this, since they believed that lactose intolerance was easy to get rid of. They began by giving me lactose free milk, since I needed it as a growing baby. Ah, yes, no more tummy aches! But wait, there’s a trick that was being played on me. My parents felt that lactose intolerance was curable, so they started to mix in regular milk with my lactose free milk. The mixing of good and bad milk made my stomach confused, so I stopped crying. Mom and dad were fully convinced that they cured me and no longer feared my 3 A.M. alarm. Even though I stopped crying didn’t mean that my intolerance suddenly became tolerant.
Growing up, I stopped crying as a signal for pain, I just became insanely tired and low energy at all times because I ate dairy pretty much every day. I didn’t realize it at the moment, but I never had any energy. I remember one specific time where my mom took me along with her to go shopping. That particular day, I wasn’t feeling too hot. As soon as I got out of the car, I felt like I was going to fall asleep right there in the parking lot. The scorching sun didn’t help with my wooziness either. I complained to my mom about how I felt and she instantly felt worried. At around the same time, my dad met a doctor on a plane and obviously the first thing he talked about were his kids. He brought up the fact that I was a low energy child in hopes of some advice of what the cause was. The doctor said he knew exactly what was wrong with me and recommended that I quit dairy for a couple weeks to see how I felt. Once I cut it out of my life, I had so muchmore energy to go through the day without falling asleep. It was a reliving feeling to know that I didn’t have to go though exhaustion all the time.
My senior year of high school is when I wanted to fully turn my life around. I wanted to improve my health by cutting out the stuff that I knew was bad for me. I cut out dairy and stuck to eating non processed foods. I did this while consistently going to the gym and working on my fitness. Sticking to a healthy routine made me even more energetic than I was when I was in my terrible two’s. After a while of work, I felt so much better. I began to become leaner and felt more in tune with my mind and body. I knew exactly how my body would react to certain things and what to do to control it.
My body and mind are much more connected now. I’m starting to listen to the signs that my body shows instead of choosing to ignore them. When I feel unaligned, it not only effects my physical health but my mental health as well. It becomes difficult to maintain a good mindset when my physical well-being is threatened. It’s a very relieving feeling knowing what makes me feel good and what makes me feel bad.
Creative Non-Fiction Reflection When I was assigned this first piece, it took me a really long time to figure out what I wanted to write about. At the time, I had already been off of dairy for a year and a half, with the exception of a pizza here and there. I started to think about crazy things in my childhood that have happened and then all I could remember was the feeling of always being exhausted and never knowing why. It was kind of a big part of my childhood; it caused me to go to the doctors office and skip school frequently. All I would do during the day and the weekend was sleep. It was really extraordinary how tired I was, so I wanted to talk about it and how I grew from it. I never had the healthiest of lifestyles. I would eat abosolute garbage when I was in elementary school and middle school. It eventually gave me an insane amount of acne along with some weight gain. So yeah, basically all this trauma led to the motivation to write about it. I got feedback by my peers who were a little confused on the voice in this piece but it was meant to sound like I was telling you this story as I'm growing older, if that makes sense. It was fun writing thsi especially since it was my first piece in a creative writing class.
Poetry
We may not notice, but at all times, the Universe is speaking. Life is led by the command of the Universe. It will leave us with feelings of bitter hopelessness or gratuitous fulfilment. With this, we choose to either love or hate the Universe.
But, through a deep understanding of what the Universe holds, we learn to receive these feelings rather than reject them. We should never feel wronged by the Universe. We should recognize that through turmoil and stress, we will escape stronger and smarter.
It hurts, but remember, time heals all. Learn to love it. The plan, ultimately ends in your best interest. When you feel yourself falling, remember, there will be a signal of hope. A sign as simple as a number or words spoken,
a sign only you can recognize, will ground you to a place where your mind, body, and soul are at ease. Rest easy, for this cycle never ends.
Poetry Reflection This piece is actually the first time I ever wrote poetry. I never really thought I could come up with something creative to write about. To me, a good poem has to be visually pleasing and it has to make me think really hard about what it means. Since these were the standards I had for poetry, it was intimidating to try it out for the first time. This piece came as acomplete surprise. My professor assigned a writing prompt to where we had to write a poem about something we always say. I’m always saying that the universe has plans for us and that we just need to let what happens, happen. So in my journal, I started a really crappy poem about the universe. I wrote it so fast too since it was due by the end of class to read out loud. When I finished it and it was my turn to read out loud, I instantly cringed and hated what I wrote down. The idea was perfect, but I wasn’t satisfied with the way I wrote it; I wanted it to be more complex. I started typing it out on my laptop and then became slightly more satisfied with my work. Then, I had two classmates who gave me feedback on my piece. After I read their feedback, I was able to really pick at elements to make this piece the way it is now. This is probably my favorite piece from the entire semester. It could be interpreted in so many ways depending on the personality of the reader which is super interesting about poetry.
Fiction "This Guy" Clearly, I’m not going to use real names here; unless it’s my own but who the fuck writes like that. New name for this guy is Mac. Mac and I had absolutely no titled relationship at all. What I mean by that is that we were never dating; we were barely even talking. It was the summer of sophomore year going into junior year. Mac and I hung out, along with our four to five other close friends, almost all day, every day. We would bounce from house to house during the day, each friend sparing their home to hold our devilish selves. That was the routine, since it’s fucking Brownsville, what else could we do? The group of friends I had during that time were significant to my life. They were always there for me as I was for them. We all got along really well, but Mac and I got along a little bit better. Mac and I were rarely ever flirty with each other, it was purely platonic. It wasn’t until the end of summer, when we started to really vibe. The night before my first day of junior year, he picked me up to go hang out. At this point I was already crushing on him super hard. The whole summer made me realize that he was my type. He made me laugh harder than anyone else has ever made me laugh. He was also kind, and treated me differently than the rest of the guys did. However, I was recently informed that he was moving to San Diego in the middle of August, so it’s not like he had time for me anyway. He picked me up from my house to take me to Starbucks. Then, he suggested we talk in his car while parked somewhere; I suggested the alley in my neighborhood, since it’s covered by vegetation.
We were sitting in the car just talking about some stupid shit. Then, he leaned over and put his hand on my thigh, which he had never done before. This was the “oh shit” moment where I knew he liked me back. He didn’t even make a move; he just continued talking while holding on to my leg. It was pretty nice. Eventually one of us leaned over and then we started to kiss. It felt whole. Like we were supposed to be there and in that place. I was so happy at that point. I was just excited to know that the person I liked ACTUALLY liked me back. After we hung out, he told me not to tell any of the guys about what happened, which was pretty suspicious. I got so mad, oh my God. I didn’t understand why he wanted to keep us a secret. That’s when I started to not feel happy, at all. I felt like he just wanted the opportunity to hook up with me before he left; nothing more, nothing less. I felt disposable as fuck, but he didn’t see that. After that, everytime I would ask him to hang out, he would bring one of our friends along. It would be really confusing to me as to why he didn’t want to hang out just the two of us. Whenever we would hang out and our friends weren't looking though, he would sneak a subtle hand hold or make a face to make me laugh. So you could imagine how confused I was. He had me so caught up in this twist, I didn’t even realize how bad it was until I got out of it.
Mac had distanced himself from me a couple weeks before he moved away. He would ignore all my texts, but I didn’t know why. At that point in the spiral, I didn’t know what to think of it or how to act. I just put all the blame on myself and didn’t think anymore of it. I was sitting in my morning class one day and I was watching Snapchat stories of the night before. I was scrolling through when I saw stories all from my guy friends of them helping Mac and his family move out of their house. Like, literally packing his shit up and recording it. That was when it hit that it was truly over. Not even a goodbye. I really didn’t think he would leave without saying bye. What an idiot. What was pissing me off the most is the fact that both of us had really strong feelings for each other. Whenever we were together, we were never not smiling. He confided in me and told me things he never told anyone else. I did the same. In front of our friends, however, he would be distant and treated me less than a friend. It was like he was trying to prove to his other friends that we weren’t anything; he made it look like he didn’t even want to be friends with me though. It was all too confusing for me, which is why him leaving was hard at first, but became a blessing later on. That same day when I saw the Snapchats, I was going to my old beach house to chill out and isolate from all my problems. When I was getting ready for bed that night, I got a text from Mac. It was the longestparagraph I’ve ever seen a guy write. He sent an apology text and said that the reason he didn’t say bye to me was because it was too hard. He didn’t want to see my face and tell me bye, because that would’ve hurt both of us really badly. He said he regretted it though.
He thought he handled that situation the best he could by not breaking both of our hearts. In the end, us not having that closure hurt worse than what it would have to say goodbye. I couldn’t tell if he was apologizing for himself or for me. I really couldn’t. I forgave him and wished him the best life for him and his family. Throughout that year in high school, I thought about him all the time. I was mentally weak at that point, so that situation was not okay for me. I felt disposable and not worth shit, but I never told anyone that. I just continued to live the way I always had. He would Snapchat me every now and then just to keep in touch. I would see posts of girls from sunny California on his Instagram. So I would post some attractive guy on my Snapchat; ping pong. Fuck that; the entire year was a ping pong game to this guy. He would Snapchat me, tell me he missed me and wanted to see me, then leave me on read the next day. The summer after he moved, he came to visit. We hooked up. Next day he’s talking to a girl on a couch at a house party. Full circle. This shit was RIDICULOUS. It sounds like I’m a simp (now, if you don’t know what a simp is, I’ve dug out the definition from Urban Dictionary. It goes as followed: “A man that puts himself in a submissive position under women in hopes of winning them over, without the female bringing anything to the table”, but roles reversed) for him but I promise. I was never! I had my own life while he had his, but the only guy who could ever hurt my feelings was Mac. This cycle of him coming to visit and us hooking up happened like three times if I remember correctly. The summer of junior year going into senior year was the last time I would stand his bullshit.
The last time I remember him coming to visit was when he was staying with a friend of ours, we’ll call him Lit. Lit lived 3 seconds away from me so easy access, right? I went over to Lit’s house the same day Mac’s plane landed and then just hung out with the whole gang. Then, Lit announced his girlfriend invited him over and he couldn't say no. So Mac and I said we would chill at Lit’s house while Lit was with his girlfriend. Lit’s parents were also very conveniently not home. Once Lit left the house, Mac grabs my legs and throws them on top of his so that we can cuddle while watching Netflix. He picked the first movie that was recommended since we obviously were just using it for background noise. We started talking and just immediately opened up about the deep things that were going on in our lives. We were both just there for eachother. Then, we started to kiss again. This time it was really different though. I was just feeling insane butterflies in every cell of my body. It just felt perfect. We both pulled away and just looked at eachother. It was unbelievable that we were in each other's arms again. I didn’t think I would see him ever again when he moved. He started playing with my hair and brushing my face with his hands, almost assuring me that everything was okay. I started nervous laughing. He was asking me what was wrong; I told him how weird it was that every time we’re together I feel the most insane feelings. He said he felt the same way, and that he really missed me. We were just hugging each other and genuinely vibing.
He left Brownsville and then moved to Kansas City for 8 months. From Kansas City, he moved to Dallas while I was in Austin. All this time we were hundreds of miles away from each other, but now we would be a slight bit closer to each other. He moved around November or something. I was living my life to the fullest during that time, so when he told me, it wasn’t too exciting. He tried to stay in contact by Snapchatting me, but I was with someone else already. He was finally irrelevant as fuck to me. Until now, again. At the beginning of the month, I got an Instagram DM from Mac. We hadn’t talked in so long so seeing the message was out of nowhere. He sent me “Isabella!” and I said “Mac!, what's up” and he says “Can I call you?” I started lowkey screaming and Karaline, my roommate/ soul sister, said “bitch what”. I told her basically what I’m telling you and she goes “bro fuck him, but call him why not”. So I call. Jessica is also in the room with us. I started to get nervous. What if it’s something bad? Why this call out of nowhere? What does he want to say? What were we? I won’t give you a full transcript of the phone call but the summary is: he answered the phone and greeted me. I asked him why he called and he said that he was scrolling through Instagram when he found my name and felt that it was a sign to call me. He wanted to also let me know how special and badass I am and that “if anyone tells you otherwise, they’re wrong”. At that point I turned to Jessica and Karaline who were on my right. My jaw was on the floor and theirs were too. Good, they heard the same shit I did. I said “Omg Mac! Stop. What? That's so nice. Thank you.” I was going through a lot of shit at that time so him saying that made me super emotional. I could hear it in my voice, hopefully he didn’t.
We started talking about our lives and where we’re at and so on. He made sure to mention that he feels that he has grown and matured since the last time we talked. Then, he ended the call by saying he wants to keep in contact with me. I thought that was so cute. He didn’t even ask, he told me. I know if you’re reading this, you might think Mac is a large asshole. But the truth is, he’s the kindest soul I’ve ever met. He admitted to being manipulative. He said in California, he went through so much anxiety and depression. I believe most of it was because he knew of what he did to me, and probably did to other girls too. Over another phone call, he told me things no one knows about him. We both shared our feelings and were there for each other again. Even after all the stupid shit he did in the past, I know it was because he cared about me and was too stupid to know what to do otherwise. The last time I spoke to him, he was mature and sounds like he knows what he wants in life. Ever since he called me, I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s absolutely nuts. I just want to be with him, you know? I want to live in the same city again, or at least be able to visit. It drives me nuts thinking about how we’re never in sync but always on the same page. I wonder how long I will let this cycle go on. I think it’s starting to get old now. This guy has taught me a lot about life and how it works. It goes by your command, but it’ll give you a feeling in your gut telling you if you’re right or wrong. It’s your decision whether you want to listen or not. Over time I realized that all of this drama is stupid and meaningless. There is no reason for me to pursue his hopeless mission any further. If someone wants you, they put in never ending effort without anyone telling them to do so. If you’re still reading this, just know its okay to drop someone who isn’t all about you. Fuck them. You deserve all the attention and respect in the world. I hope we all find that peace.
Fiction Reflection We were assigned to write a fiction piece right when COVID-19 hit, which was pretty difficult for our whole class. We all were really dependent on eachother to bounce our ideas around and get creative within eachother, without these influencers in my daily life, it was pretty difficult to compose this piece. It took a real story to come up with this one. I added a tough voice to this on in comparison to my other pieces, I think that's because recently I have had enough with the male population. I've definetly had guy freinds who are super sweet and nice but some other ones out there have me literally shocked. I've heard the worst stories about how disrespectful and insensitive men can be; I've also seen a lot too. I'm trying to be optimistic with men here. I wanted to show that men are just kind of dumb and need some direction. This piece is highly influenced by one of my journal entries. I will sit and think about something that I can rant about and go on forever and ever about. This happened to be one of them. By the time this piece was assigned, I had grown in my writing. The entire semester had led to me being able to write this lengthy piece but with high motivation. I love writing and especially being able to notice my own writing develop over time. It has been a really long journey of writing in my life, but the more I go through it, the more familiar I am with the process. Becoming more familiar with writing has made me just want to write more.Â
About the Author That's me! The author. I am a freshman at Saint Edward's University and this year was the year my life changed forever. It was my first year being truly independent and having to take care of myself and my school work. It was a challenging but fun year for me but especially getting to be in writing classes. I have always had a great passion for writing since high school, but I never thought I could be good enough to actually major in writing. That was until Beth Eakman (a.k.a. best professor on the planet) told me I should be majoring in writing instead of business administration. When she told me I should switch my major, I was terrified. I didn't know what jobs a writer could have other than a journalist or novel writer. I also never thought that I am as good as people say I am.
About the Author It took a lot of courage for me to actually choose to switch my major to writing and rhetoric, It was because of professor Eakman that I decided to switch majors, since she is the best writer I know. I admired how she made writing seem so logical. She made everything I ever thought about writing make sense. It was not a mistake that I was placed in her class the first semester of freshman year. After taking her class for first semester, I joined her Intro to Creative Writing class and was immediatly amazed at the effort that was put into the group. She really pushed my mind in a way that formed me to become the writer I am today. Because of her, I know what I am capable of and how strong of a writer I can push myself to be. Now, I am aware of who am I as a writer. I am growing and developing new ways of thinking every day. It was a blessing to be a part of this community of writers, thanks for everything, especially for reading this. :)