False Alarm

by Joe Dahut

illustrated by Frederick Stivers

We were shark fishing on the Gulf Edge when I felt my phone vibrate through the zipper in my backpack. I knew there were only a few phone calls that would reach us out here, and the list of them was short. Three, to be exact, and the occasions on which I would answer the calls would also be short. One, someone was pregnant. Two, someone died. Three, the worms were going off. There was a prayer inside of me for each occasion, all of which would directly impact the night ahead, and my sleep for the foreseeable future. In some ways, the idea of a miserable phone call was more impactful than sleep, and I stared at the name of my phone before answering, some 410 number from Timonium. I’d never met anyone from Timonium, but because I grew up in a Timonium-adjacent place and hadn’t spent much time there as an adult, it was not a good sign.

“We are contacting you about your car’s extended warranty, do you have a minute to -”

Click. I smacked the phone face down in the empty seat beside me. “Who the fuck has the time for any of this?” I thought. I knew it was far too late for a phone call, and a little too early for the worms to be pumping. The fish under the bridge were likely stuffed after the night of rolling and pushing finally commenced. My head hurt, and I needed a break from the sun. For someone who doesn’t know, a palolo worm is about a pinky finger’s worth of calories and southern blood flow for a tarpon— the perfect hangover cocktail of calories and chutzpah. When they show up, usually in the spring, it means that love is in the air, and tarpon are on the brain.

We trailered the skiff back home in the stench of slack tide. At the Cuban coffee stand, a man who resembled Cuban Jesus stood in shrimp boots with one arm leaning against a Cafe Bustelo water jug. He tugged a paper cone cup from the cylinder, filled it up once and slugged it. The paper, now noticeably flimsy, was crumbling under the weight of a second helping of water. He took that water and dumped it on his shoes, cleaning the gray fish slime on them into a Colgate white.

Roosters balk around the hens beneath the picnic tables. We pay them no mind, but marvel at what beautiful feathers they have. The hackles are spiked in discomfort from highway traffic, and they look to me like crab claws, or the back end of an old school roach fly that all the guides used to throw back in the day on 4/0 Mustads. The fishing, according to them, hasn’t been good in a while.

The skiff goes back in the water, some hours, and a few cafecitos later. I am teetering on the edge of insanity when I see the bundle of tarpon swim towards us in the evening light. When I was young, I asked this girl to a slow dance, and I’ve never been as nervous as I was just then. One tarpon from a pack of two slid over sand with its pectoral fins glued to its side, not breaking stride. Its mouth cracked, ever so slightly, and inhaled. Chaos, alongside an adrenaline rush robust enough to knock someone out, ensued.

Do you hear banjo music? Blackberries, Wild Turkey, Bartram’s Bass, and Some Trout

By Brandon Adams

When most people think of the Northeast Georgia Mountains, especially Rabun County, a lot of people, even younger than me, think of the movie Deliverance with Burt Reynolds. While you might occasionally hear someone strum on a banjo, and you might even hear the squill of a wild hog, the Chattooga River is an area that is much the way it was when the first American naturalist William Bartram first described the area along the Georgia South Carolina border before the United States even existed. The river is an untouched marvel of the natural world with waters shaping the landscape for thousands of years. The Chattooga and Chattahoochee are the two rivers I still call home despite now living in the Georgia Piedmont near the Broad and Oconee Rivers. The Chattooga has always been my favorite river to fish no matter where I have ventured.

What makes the Chattooga so fascinating to me? I know your inquiring minds want to know. Is it the megalodon trout and bass that call these waters home? Is it the deep majestic pools of water followed by falls, rapids, and more pools? Surely it’s the wholesome campfire meals that are waiting on the shore for lunch and the majestic lodges that line the banks. It is none of those things. Don’t get me wrong, I love a nice shore lunch as much as the next person, and it is always an adrenaline rush to tangle with a large brown or acrobatic rainbow, but that is not what the Chattooga has to offer.

What the Chattooga offers is a step back in time. As a 24-year teacher of history, there’s something about the nostalgia of the Chattooga that draws me into its water and refuses to let me go. I said at my grandfather's funeral, “Once sawdust gets in your blood, you can never get it out.” Once the Chattooga’s water is absorbed into your soul, you are part of the river no matter where you might roam.

The Chattooga provides that rare opportunity for an angler that you can leave the parking area headed upstream into the wilderness following trails that slowly fade into the ferns that line the banks and continue north beyond what most people are willing to go to beautiful waters that are not lined with the blue worm containers from the local sporting good stores. The trout are mostly in the six- to twelve-inch range with the occasional larger trout. Definitely no megalodons in these waters. For some of the trout, they have never seen a human before except the adventurous soul who risks the occasional encounter with copperheads and timber rattlesnakes that are much larger than any trout you will hope to catch.

The trout are not the easiest to catch, but with the rich oxygenated water the takes are often rewarded with acrobatic displays by the rainbow trout and runs that rival large fish in the tamer waters of the Chattahoochee. You also can catch all three species of Georgia trout in one pool: browns, rainbows, and brook trout.

As you fish your way downstream you reach bream and Bartram’s bass water where the river slows and warms in the summer months. Bartram’s bass are part of the redeye bass family with each having their unique river drainage. The Bartram’s bass is named after William Bartram (mentioned earlier) who described the area. Bartram’s are a beautiful redeye that haunt the runs and pools in lower sections of the Chattooga before entering Lake Tugaloo and merging with the Tallulah to form Tugaloo River. The take of a Bartram’s is equal to or greater than most trout of their size, and their bulldog mentality rivals that of a redfish. Thanks to the remoteness of these waters and their protective status, Bartram’s are mostly genetically pure in the waters of the Chattooga.

About the time you make the transition from the upper trout water to the warmer Bartram’s water, you will find openings created by the Forest Service to help provide food for local deer and turkeys. Most mornings in the spring, you will hear a gobbler or two call from their roost high on the mountains above the river, and on rare occasions you might see one that decides to move from one state to the other. These openings are also home to blackberry bushes that can provide a nice streamside meal with the possibility of a fire cooked trout if you so choose. While this might not be the streamside lunch of a lodge, the peace and solitude of being in a location with zero cell service and none of the modern day noises that clog our ears makes the food even better, and the water cooler.

What makes the Chattooga so fascinating to me? It is the remoteness of the river? It is the rugged riverbanks that require careful planning, and not everyone can make their way up or down?

Is it the lack of the modern world? No noise, no cars or trucks, no cellphones thus our brains can truly unplug? It takes you back to a simpler time that I think a lot of people yearn for even though they don’t yet know it. It’s you, blackberries, wild turkey (maybe not the kind you were hoping for), Bartram’s bass, and trout.