abluvion by Carter Hansen

there is so much i want to express in so little time, i am afraid i have not shared what i want to share, contributed what I need to contribute.

please i need more time, more opportunity, i know i can do more, i just need the chance. please let me stay.

i’m sorry. i am sorry. i do not know how to begin to tell you. the mistakes i have made were reckless, and nonsensical it’s all me, and you did not deserve it.

i tried my best, but my best wasn’t enough, i thought i did everything you asked, i am not sure how i failed, but i am disheartened that i did.

how much longer should i continue to beat myself up, live in the nauseating past, re-experience the dreadful nights, where you proved that i did not meet your expectations.

you know what, maybe these apologies are fake. i am imperfect, but i warranted none of what i received. you are the problem. you. not me.

there is so much more i am pining to tell you, ransom my anger, strain, and regret. but you are right, there is no time left.

i am not sorry.

—Carter Hansen ’22