THE COMPLEXITIES BETWEEN ROMANTIC COMEDIES AND REAL LIFE
By Lauren Coinlcoin@statenews.com
Romantic comedies are simple, says film professor Rick Blackwood.
Girl meets boy. They fall in love. They live happily ever after.
Real life, however, is much more complicated — and entertaining.
“I think real life is actually much more interesting than movies,” Blackwood said. “Movies are controlled and contained in a way that the real world isn’t, and that complexity itself is really fascinating.”
Romantic comedies, or rom-coms, have charmed audiences for decades. From characters’ outlandish displays of affection to the simply mundane ideas of two people falling in love. However, some students question if watching these types of movies has affected how they view their real-life relationships.
“I feel like, if anything,
it’s more subconscious,” said digital storytelling sophomore Sarah Romain. “Just like growing up watching love stories that are really grand and, I guess, in a sense, kind of unrealistic, maybe that does sort of put expectations in my mind.”
Yet, Romain believes these expectations might not be completely negative.
“I also think that it can be inspiring,” Romain said.
“Maybe if someone sees a movie, they’re more likely to tell someone how they feel or something.”
Blackwood agrees. He said the relationships portrayed in romance movies can be something a person can strive for in real life.
“They can be really good learning tools about the complexity of relationships because one sees a relationship (that is) probably much less complex than the one a person is actually in, and
it gives you some idea of something to work towards,” Blackwood said.
junior Karl Jensen questioned if romcoms perpetuate the idea of what is “cliché” or if they have an inverse influence.
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Can relationship trends on TikTok gauge the health of your romantic relationship?
East Lansing was the first municipality in the nation to enshrine protections against discrimination based on sexual orientation in hiring practices. See how the history of LGBTQ+ activism has been since then in Greater Lansing.
Students, experts speak to online dating nuances in the queer community
By Hannah Locke hlocke@statenews.comApps like Tinder and Hinge have taken dating to another level by providing users with almost immediate connections to potential partners.
According to Michigan State University Psychology Associate Professor William Chopik, this has changed how people are making connections. Chopik, a socialpersonality psychologist, has performed lots of research on decision making in dating apps.
“I think, recently, online dating surpassed other ways that people meet online for the first time in decades, it’s
been growing,” he said. “That’s how most people meet now, instead of say through friends or through work or through church.”
These online apps can have positive impacts, such as connecting people who may not have otherwise met. However, they are also often tailored to heterosexual couples.
“I definitely think that they favor more heteronormative values,” social work freshman Dakotah Sosnowski said. “I’ve had a really hard time trying to date people besides men (on dating apps).”
Not only does the format of dating apps tend to favor heterosexual
relationships, but it also forces queer people to take a multitude of precautions when navigating these apps. Social Work Associate Professor Tina Timm, a sex therapist, spoke to the added obstacles that come with navigating dating apps as a member of the queer community.
“Because there’s more things to navigate when you are in this app and dating as a sexual minority,” Timm said. “There are increased risks for both emotional and physical safety.”
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LIFE FROM COVER:
ROMANTIC COMEDIES AND REAL LIFE
“It’s also like the chicken or egg thing: were they cliché before the movie, or did the movie have that effect?” Jensen said.
Having grown up with three older sisters, Jensen said he’s watched his fair share of romantic comedies. Although he thinks the displays of love in the movies are not feasible for his own life.
“It sets the standards high,” Jensen said. “The giant acts of romanticism, people going out of the way, the dedication. I don’t have that time in my life.”
Blackwood said that while these movies can be a great form of escapism, he warns against using them as the sole measure of what to expect from love, considering their detachment from reality.
“There is nothing in the universe more fake than a movie, and yet they feel real, more real than real
life sometimes,” Blackwood said.
For psychology sophomore Ayanna King, she said she’s dreamed of her own happily ever after since she was a little girl. An adamant rom-com lover, King said these movies shaped her perception of relationships when she was younger, but those ideas have changed over the years.
“You get older, get into the real world, get into relationships, and you see that it’s not always so perfect,” King said. “You’re gonna go through a bunch of stuff and that’s not shown in those TV shows or movies.”
Despite not fnding her fairytale ending just yet, King remains hopeful.
“I will still continue to watch my rom-coms and love shows until it happens for me.”
FROM COVER: online dating nuances in the queer community
Pre-veterinary medicine freshman Madeleine Winer said she had a largely negative experience when using dating apps, and eventually had to delete the apps altogether.
“I just got tired of the constant harassment,” Winer said. “It was just too much and too negative to the point where I could just no longer be on those apps.”
Queer people face dangers to their physical well-being when putting themselves into online spaces. Winer experienced attempts at sexual exploitation, as well as unwanted advances from people looking to take advantage of their sexuality.
Since all interactions on dating apps are through online messaging, it can often be hard to tell if the intentions of people are good, Timm said. She noted it is important to take precautions before furthering your relationship with someone you meet online.
Winer also encourages users to meet people in very public environments when moving from online to in person, as well as approaching it more as a “hang out” rather than a “date.”
Along with queer people needing to take additional measures to protect their physical safety, Timm said they face added risks to psychological wellbeing while using dating apps.
“They might still be struggling with trying to identify their own sexual identity or gender identity,” Timm said. “And so the internal stuff that comes up for people in those spaces is more diffcult.”
Dating, for people of all sexualities, is a vulnerable experience; Timm said being a member of the queer community while dating takes those challenges and ramps them up signifcantly.
“It takes all the regular fears and insecurities of the dating world, and then puts this layer of LGBTQ+ insecurities that get in the mix,” Timm said. “People personalize them and struggle emotionally in different ways that are more unique to their identity, and really painful.”
Being authentic to what you want on dating apps can make it a more positive experience, Timm said, a truth similar to those present among heterosexual couples.
“If somebody’s looking for a long term relationship and they’re not clear about that, and all they’re hooking up with are people that just want one night stands, it’s going to be a bad experience,” she said. “I think that authenticity, and being more clear in your own head (and) on those apps is probably going to provide a better experience.”
Dating apps can also provide a way for members of the queer community to understand more about themselves and their sexuality. For business freshman Ameena Babatunde, starting dating apps was hard because there was a lot she didn’t understand about what she wanted and who she wanted to be with. But using the apps was part of what helped her uncover this information.
“I kind of had to fnd out what I liked, what I didn’t like, who I wanted to date and who I
didn’t want to date – so that was a lot of trial and error,” Babatunde said. “But this semester, I know what I want ... so it’s been a lot smoother.”
Timm said the ability to fnd out more about yourself and your sexuality is one of the more positive impacts that dating apps can have.
“I like that some of those apps allow people to just kind of sink into that place where they’re trying to be whoever they are without a lot of expectations,” she said. “Or they fnd other people that are trying to fgure it out too, and there’s safety in that.”
There are also ways to use the vulnerability that comes with putting yourself out there to grow more. However, Timm noted, protecting oneself mentally as well as physically is important, and one way to do that is managing your expectations.
“It’s important to be able to see those things that happen as knowing or expecting them to happen, and using it as a way of challenging yourself to grow and to be able to be vulnerable,” Timm said. “To be okay that people may not like you for who you are (is) okay. That (doesn’t mean) there’s anything wrong with you, and it’s not that you did anything wrong.”
In addition to finding growth in online spaces, many are able to find community. Sosnowski said fnding queer people is hard because it feels like they are far and few between, but having an online space makes that search easier.
“Where I’m from is a small conservative town
and I didn’t have any options to begin with, and here (at MSU), it still feels like there aren’t that many options,” Sosnowski said.
The format of online dating apps and the ability to select your preferences in terms of gender and sexuality is a one way for people to fnd others who are looking for similar things. And with certain features available, such as location, it also makes it easier to fnd potential partners near you.
“What I fnd with my clients (is that) what they fnd most helpful about these apps is that this is a self selected population, where you can fnd people that would be extremely diffcult to fnd in everyday life,” Timm said.
The ability to fnd those who match your preferences on dating apps can also be dependent on what dating apps you use. Babatunde said some are more centered around hookups, while others are focused on people who want long term relationships; similarly, there are apps that are better suited for queer people.
“Tinder and Bumble are a little bit straighter, a little bit more heterosexual, so it really just depends on the person,” she said. “But I know for me, I’ve had a lot more success on Hinge because I’m fnding people who want to be in relationships and I’m also fnding more people who are queer.”
TikTok is famous for fashion, comedy, dance and artistic trends that cycle quickly throughout the year, influencing consumers’ opinions and acting as a source of good fun. One of these trends surrounds “relationship theories,” or predictions of how well a relationship can succeed based on small markers.
One example is the “orange peel theory,” or the thought that if your partner is willing to peel an orange for you, it really means that they’re prepared to make sacrifices to prioritize your happiness.
Similarly, the olive theory posits that if one person in a relationship likes olives, the other shouldn’t, signifying that opposites attract best.
These theories have become so popular, different forms of expressing the overarching theory have been created and shared as well, such as poems and short stories. But despite their popularity on social media, do people really believe in these relationship theories?
Environmental economics and management and political science freshman Josie Callendar personally likes them, but doesn’t exactly think they should dictate an entire relationship.
“They’re really cute, (but) I don’t know if they’re things to live by, or like, seek out,” Callendar said. “I don’t know if there’s signs necessarily to like (know) if the olive theory works. It’s not like, ‘oh you’re soulmates’, but I think it’s really good to apply to things that already exist, I think that’s cute.”
Similarly, human biology on preoptometry track freshman Katherine Engbers said that she thinks the theories create more awareness of the relationship between two individuals.
“They just kind of explain things and I think it makes people a little more conscious of their relationships and how they treat other people,” Engbers said.
East Lansing relationship counselor Rebekah Cox said she believes theories can be helpful in ways to look at and think about individuals’ personal relationships, but are not entirely valid factors to consider when making decisions that will impact the relationship.
“I think that they can be helpful constructs for people to kind of think about their relationships or look at their relationships, but they aren’t scientifically proven (and) tested theories that they could say, ‘I’m going to base some of my decisions on this’,” Cox said.
Furthermore, Cox said, the theories aren’t completely accurate ways of thinking when it comes to personal relationships, especially due to the complexity of relationships itself.
“I would probably say not (they’re) reliable,” Cox said. “I think there’s definitely something to look at, because if you’re the kind of person who really enjoys and feels loved when someone does something for you that you could normally do yourself, then you know, that’s a great characteristic for your partner to have. If they don’t have that, then that just means that they
THE ORANGE AND THE OLIVE THEORIES: CAN THESE DETERMINE THE FATE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
can communicate love to you in a different way.”
So, if the theories aren’t particularly reliable, why are they so appealing to viewers?
Callendar said the appeal may be due to their ability to connect multiple individuals who have experienced similar thoughts, talk about it together and understand things happening in their relationships.
“I think it’s good for people maybe to make sense of things going on around them, or maybe connect with other people,” Callendar said. “Maybe they don’t understand these experiences, but then people talk about them and make poems about them and then it becomes more signifcant, like knowing it’s a shared experience.”
Similarly, Engbers said the theories may help explain personal relationships better to those involved in it.
However, believing these theories could also impact the way people view their relationships with their partners.
Cox said that it could lead to enhancing a relationships, depending on how it is utilized and in what context.
“I think that it could enrich their relationship if they’re saying something like, ‘I really appreciate the way that you take care of me,’”Cox said. “Those can be great ways to show a person that you love them and that you care for them. I think that can be a good thing, but I think basing your decisions about your relationship on something you
saw on TikTok just, to me, seems like, you know, not the most mature way to handle your relationship.”
Cox said by choosing to believe and utilize these theories in personal relationships, you could have both positive and negative outcomes. One or both parties choosing to stick to a theory would be inaccurate due to how relationships are almost constantly chanigng, as well as the characteristics exhibited by both partners.
What may have not been present in the past may be present in the future, she said.
“Especially if they have one thing and they say ‘oh my partner doesn’t do this, so I don’t do this, so I’m going to end this relationship’, because relationships evolve and change over time, and people evolve and change over time,” Cox said. “You may be missing out on the good things that your partner has to offer because you’re choosing this one thing and saying ‘okay, this person isn’t right for me because they don’t refuse to eat olives’.”
Similarly, Callendar believes the theories can affect relationships negatively because someone may interpret the love expressed through those small markers in a different way than intended.
“It might like be kind of superfcial,” she said. “They might think that it means something when it doesn’t ... Like the orange theory, they might say like ‘Oh, if I peel an orange for you, that means I love you’, but it could be like a toxic relationship. So they might give more meaning to it than they need to.”
On the other hand, Cox said, relationship theories can also possess benefits in that they provide a different way to look at being together.
“(It’s) just having a perspective that you can look at and think about,” Cox said. “Looking at something and thinking about it critically can defnitely enrich your thinking and give you a new idea or a different perspective of looking at things.”
While Callendar likes how the theories can “confrm things,” she’s unsure of whether they “cause things” in a relationship.
Engbers said she believes in just the orange peel theory.
“Just because it’s about acts of service,” Engbers said. “The other ones I think are just like fun coincidences.”
For those who heavily place their view of their relationship according to such theories, Cox said they should consider asking themselves questions regarding their relationship and gathering information from other sources.
“I would ask them, ‘where did you get the idea for this?’” Cox said. “Thinking about your relationship and how every relationship is unique, do you think that this really applies to you? Even though this is an interesting idea and a different way of looking at things, maybe you need to consider other things to look at … Read a book, watch a TED talksomething like that where you’re getting more input (from) more than just one source.”
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Can men and women be friends?
By Jack Williams jwilliams@statenews.comIn 1989, director Rob Reiner’s “When Harry Met Sally…” brought an intense debate to the big screen: Can cisgender, heterosexual men and women have truly platonic friendships? Harry, played by Billy Crystal, would say no, they can’t. And perhaps even Reiner agreed, considering the fact that, spoiler alert, Harry and Sally end up together in the end. But does the plot of Reiner’s flm reveal a hidden truth about humanity? Or is it just a refection of Reiner’s own experience?
This question was explored by researchers at University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, whose fndings were published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2012.
The researchers brought together 88 cross-sex friendship pairs and surveyed their level of attraction for one another. Participants were asked to self-report their attraction to their friend, estimate their friend’s attraction to themselves, self-report their desire to date their friend, and estimate their friend’s desire to date them.
The results determined that men tend to have greater physical-sexual attraction to their cross-sex friends compared to women. Men were also found to overestimate their friends’ attraction to them.
Yikes.
However, according to the paper, this relationship might have a deep basis in evolutionary psychology. The paper proposes that “men’s and women’s perceptions of their cross-sex friends are a manifestation of evolved human mating adaptations operating in a modern environment.”
In order to fully understand the data and hopefully get an answer to my initial question, I reached out to the author, Dr. April Bleske-Rechek.
One of the frst things she told me
about the study is that there were two parts that didn’t make it into the journal. One of these additional studies sought to survey what individuals in cross-sex friendships tend to deceive their friends about.
Perhaps not-so-surprisingly, Bleske-Rechek said the study found that individuals tend to deceive their friends about their sexual relationships with others.
“Men’s and women’s perceptions of their cross-sex friends are a manifestation of evolved human mating adaptations operating in a modern environment.”
RESEARCHERS AT UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSINEAU CLAIRE
Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
And in the fourth study, people in both current and terminated cross-sex friendships reported having romantic encounters with that friend, Bleske-Rechek said. In other words, romantic encounters were just as common in current cross-sex friendships as they were in terminated cross-sex
friendships.
According to Bleske-Rechek, however, those last two studies were omitted from the fnal paper because a reviewer didn’t like thinking about cross-sex friendships in the context of an evolutionary perspective.
However, in her opinion, humans are hard to understand without thinking about them from an evolutionary perspective, and including the article in an evolutionary journal would only be stating the obvious, so she sought to have it published in a more mainstream journal.
And to me, this makes sense. We don’t have to just consider evolution when thinking about how we behave (after all, we’re not animals), but we should defnitely take it into account.
Furthermore, another study conducted by Blseke-Rechek in 2016 had participants write down the name of a member of the opposite sex who wasn’t a romantic partner or family member. They then asked the participants who this person was to them, a friend or someone they’re attracted to.
The fndings, again, found that men were more likely to include somebody that could be a sexual partner.
In conclusion, Bleske-Rechek said she would never say that men and women can’t be friends. However, she said that it certainly is hard, as forming platonic cross-sex friendships is “not how we spent a long span of evolutionary history.”
Additionally, Bleske-Rechek’s study included other fndings, such as the idea that “some people view sexual attraction as an important reason for initiating a cross-sex friendship” and the fact that half of young men and women have had sexual intercourse with a cross-sex friend.
While I fnd Bleske-Rechek’s work extremely insightful, science’s jurisdiction seems to end with what can be proven with facts.
So, I sought to conduct a survey of MSU students to see if their reactions would line up with Bleske-Rechek’s fndings.
My survey consisted of similar questions to Bleske-Rechek’s, asking students whether or not they thought men and women could be friends, whether or not they’re romantically interested in their friends, and whether or not they think their friends are romantically interested in them.
To my surprise, out of twelve students (six identifying as men and six identifying as women), all of them said that men and women can be friends, they don’t have romantic feelings for their friends and their friends do not have romantic feelings for them.
So either MSU students have mature friendships, or students didn’t trust me enough to be honest about their friendships. Whatever the case, the rest of my investigation into the question had to be answered with my own experience.
And between Bleske-Rechek’s research and my own personal experience, I’ve seen two ideas emerge: men are more likely to introduce sex into a platonic relationship, and because one person in a relationship experiences some form of attraction, then the relationship is automatically null.
I’ll return to the former statement, but I want to address the latter statement, because while I can see the logic behind this conclusion, I also fnd it to be naive.
Don’t get me wrong, if a clear boundary is established between two friends and one friend continues to cross that boundary, then the friendship is likely null. But my interpretation of Bleske-Rechek’s research says that, due to thousands of years of evolution, romantic thoughts involving people of the gender you’re attracted to are inevitable. And preventing thoughts associated with thousands of years of evolution would probably prove impossi-
ble for most people. Because the fact is: humans do not always control their thoughts.
Preventing actions, on the other hand, should prove to be less of a challenge.
And this is where the former statement (as well as some personal experience) comes in. Because too often I fnd that men will make the jump from “I have unfriendly thoughts/feelings for this person” to “this friendship has to be romantic,” when that doesn’t have to be the case.
Obviously, if someone has a genuine desire to date someone then they should (I’m rooting for you) but there are a thousand factors that go into making a friendship, and whether or not someone has had romantic thoughts about their friend is not the only thing.
When a cross-sex friendship goes null, it’s due to romantic actions, not romantic thoughts.
So to answer the burning question, yes, men and women can be friends. But it’s just that. They can. It really is just up to the individual. It takes work on both sides, and perhaps more-so by men — whose socialization through patriarchy may affect their perceived lack of need to control their actions, sense of entitlement to women, and skewed perception of relationships with women.
Harry’s argument in the movie is that “the sex stuff always gets in the way,” which I would say, yes, it can. However, if two emotionally mature, cisgender, heterosexual individuals belonging to the opposite sex are friends, then their ability to observe romantic thoughts as an inevitable fact of life and not act on them demonstrates a stronger devotion to that friendship.
State News Going Deeper podcast
Every Friday on the “Going Deeper” podcast, The State News Podcast Network “goes deeper” into topics of love and sex that usually only reach the surface in most conversations between friends. With hosts Anthony Brinson III and Elle Fromm, the pair dives headfrst into everything from relationship issues and breakup songs to STD prevention and birth control, hitting the hottest — and
most of the time, historically taboo — topics ranging from true love to healthy sexual relationships and habits. By covering both love and sex, this inclusive podcast has something for everyone. This week, celebrating Women’s History Month, the pair discusses themes of womanhood and what it means to identify as female. Check it out wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube for the video version.
Greater Lansing’s history of LGBTQ+ activism, inside and outside of campus
By Gabrielle Yeary gyeary@statenews.comIn 1972, East Lansing etched its name in history by becoming the frst municipality in the nation to enshrine protections against discrimination based on sexual orientation in hiring practices. However, this milestone was a hard-fought battle, according to MSU associate professor of history Dr. Tim Retzloff.
Nestled at the heart of Michigan’s sociopolitical landscape since its founding in 1847, Lansing carries a weighty history of activism and political fervor.
Among its most vibrant narratives is the story of LGBTQ+ activism.
Retzloff said that Lansing’s LGBTQ+ history is marked by celebrations of pride parades and the community found in underground gay bars.
Retzloff’s scholarship delves deep into the intersection of LGBTQ+ studies and Michigan’s history. Lansing’s status as the Michigan capital has long served as a rallying point for activists, both past and present, catalyzing change and progress. Historically, being gay was not only stigmatized but criminalized in Michigan, said Retzloff.
LGBTQ+ individuals sought solace in hidden corners, fnding community in underground bars and clubs, where they could be themselves without fear of oppression, according to Retzloff.
Despite legal barriers, establishments like Stober’s, a popular bar in the 1970s, became vital hubs of LGBTQ+ life, even gaining recognition in travel magazines that have dominantly queer audiences as ‘must-visit destinations’ in Lansing.
Though many of these establishments have since closed, their legacy endures, with new establishments carrying forth Lansing’s LGBTQ+ community spirit.
The early LGBTQ+ rights movement was present on the MSU campus as well, with student-led organizations spearheading initiatives for change throughout history.
MSU alumna Elyse Eisenberg played a pivotal role in advocating for East Lansing’s anti-discrimination policies and organizing transportation for other activists to mobilize their efforts at the Capitol, paving the way for broader societal shifts during her time as a student at MSU.
Mike Scott’s crowning as the frst drag queen to win the Miss Capital City contest at Joe Covello’s Bar in Lansing marked a milestone in the area’s LGBTQ+ history, Retzloff said. Only a few days later, Scott led the frst-ever Michigan Pride parade in Detroit. Later in life, Scott became a chef at Shaw Hall on MSU’s campus.
“There was certain pushback from the university,” Retzloff said. “In the ‘70s there were arrests and fghts. It wasn’t until the early ‘80s when groups
started to organize and crackdown.”
Despite resistance, LGBTQ+ activism gained momentum in the 1980s, with Lansing becoming a hub for politically driven organizations seeking to infuence local and state policies, said Retzloff.
Often, individuals and organizations would collaborate with the other two hubs of queer activism in the state: Detroit and Ann Arbor.
MSU was home to LGBTQ+ student-led clubs and groups fostering community and driving local change, according to Retzloff. It was at this point that GLM, now known as the Alliance of Queer and Ally Students, became leaders for local change.
Since then, MSU has expanded its domain to over 20 LGBTQ+ student organizations and caucuses, according to the GSCC website.
For many faculty and students, MSU is their home away from home. Ensuring they’re provided the space and resources to feel supported and acknowledged in terms of their gender, sexuality and identity is incredibly important for their success, said zoology freshman, Sydney Kiel, who identifes as bisexual.
Many LGBTQ+ students, such as Kiel, believe MSU adequately supports their needs and desires on campus.
English freshman Jordan Ivonen, who identifes as non-binary, advocates for more of a focus on queer topics and studies at MSU.
“While for some people, college is the frst time they are able to truly be themselves, for others, this is the frst time they are hearing about queer topics,” said Ivonen. “And to a create a frst
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experience that is informative, welcoming, and non-judgmental to those who are uninformed but genuinely curious and open to learning can help shape communities into being safer and healthier for queer individuals to live.”
Within Ivonen’s classes, they said they’ve experienced welcoming environments that allowed them to comfortably guide discussions into uncharted territories regarding LGBTQ+ inclusivity and language.
In one course, Ivonen said that they anxiously started a discussion about gendered and non-gendered language within writing along with how it impacts the reader’s perception of work. Ivonen said that feeling safe enough to present and create the discussion spoke volumes for the inclusivity that they feel is present both on campus and in the classrooms.
“Queer people should not have to censor themselves or feel as though they have to hide their existence,” Ivonen said.
Kiel and Ivonen both said that there is still progress to be made. LGBTQ+ individuals are still at a higher risk of experiencing violence and hate than other non-marginalized groups according to the CDC. Ensuring that every student is taken care of and is promised a safe tomorrow is what students call for next from the university.
“LGBTQ+ individuals (who) have fought for rights, equality, and the freedom to express themselves freely have gotten the community to where it is today,” Kiel said. “Continuing to fght is how we’ll get to tomorrow.”
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