The Art of Giving A Gift without Buying A ‘Thing’ Gift giving, especially in work-based relationships, is largely becoming a thing of the past. Whether it was for a special work anniversary (for example, having worked at the company for five years), one’s birthday, or to show appreciation for the work you do, businesses and organizations used to give gifts to show honor to their staff (both employees and volunteers). But getting gifts for others is becoming fairly rare. There are a number of reasons for this change: *the vast number of meaningless token gifts we have received in the past have given “gifts” a negative connotation; *we often don’t know what our colleagues would want; *most people don’t need more “things” -- they typically have what they need (who needs another coffee mug?); *the gifts that would be meaningful to them are often expensive and not within our (or the organization’s) budget; *because of some abuses in the marketplace, there is fear of being accused of using gifts as a form of bribery or undue influence; *most of us don’t have the time or energy to do a lot of shopping (we barely are able to get birthday, graduation, wedding & Christmas gifts for our family members) The fact remains that there are a number of people with whom we work who still value receiving gifts as an expression of appreciation. If we totally remove gift-giving from our repertoire of interacting with others, then we are at risk for not communicating appreciation or encouragement in ways that are meaningful to these team members. As a result, our words of affirmation, spending time with them, or helping them out on projects will not really meet the need they feel to be valued.
Tips for Giving Meaningful Gifts without Buying Things 1. If you haven’t already, identify those team members who have tangible gifts as their primary or secondary language of appreciation. (Note: Few people tend to have tangible gifts as their primary language, so it is important to look at secondary languages on your team’s chart.) Often people value gifts (as long as it isn’t their lowest language), they just tend to value the other languages more. 2. Over time, take note of those activities that your co-workers like to do in their spare time. This will give you a good indication of their interest and places they like to go for fun. See if they enjoy watching sports
(and which teams), or what their leisure activities are. Also listen (and even inquire) about where they like to go out for dinner or for dessert. 3. As we state in the chapter on the language of tangible gifts, people in our culture tend to value experiences more than things. And often these experiences have at least a small financial cost associated with them. So an easy way to give a colleague a gift is to provide the funds to do (or get) something they would enjoy. Most of us aren’t comfortable with giving (or receiving) cash, so the best way to do this is through giving gift cards, tickets or gift certificates. This can allow the person to use the money in the way that is most meaningful to them, but it provides some direction and parameters as well (we usually don’t want them to pay their utility bill with money we’ve given them to go and have some fun.) So here are some specific ideas for giving experiences without giving specific objects: *Gift cards: book store iTunes (music) Movie rentals Recreational activities (bowling, laser tag, paintballing, ice skating) *Tickets: movie theatre tickets sporting events (college, professional) artistic and cultural events (plays, music theatre shows, concerts, ballet) Gift certificates for: Shopping malls Department stores Clothing stores Sporting goods stores Jewelry Electronic stores Personal care (massage, manicure/pedicure) Restaurants and eateries: Nice restaurants Family eating chains Ice cream shoppes Coffee shops Places for Desserts
So, there are lots of opportunities to give gifts to your co-workers – they just aren’t “things”! (And from a practical level, you can do a lot of your shopping online – which is more convenient and takes less time than fighting traffic.) The process of finding out what your colleagues like to do and enjoy can be part of the fun – sort of like being a detective. And it also helps you get to know them better, at a more personal level. Then you have the joy of seeing them receive a gift to experience something that they really value! Happy shopping!
Paul E. White is a licensed Psychologist who has worked with businesses, families, and organizations for over 20 years. He may reached at (316)681-4431 or through his assistant lori@drpaulwhite.com.