Sinner - April 2011

April - 2011

2 Years Of Sinnin’ In St Louis St Louis’

Seattle’s

UNMASKED

UNMASKED

Habit Of Force

Cover Image by

Daniel Costello

Hard Money Saints

News, Rants & Politics MISCUES & MISSED QUEUES

Queues are certain to be missed, whether it be 4:13 am the night before print or hours before an anniversary show really does not matter. After nine years at this shit of so-called indy publishing, I should know that by now. For God’s sake, I should plan on it. I should even print it on the posters along side the other bands and performers. I can see it now: Live this Saturday, I Stabbed My Landlord, Seance, Tok, Ami Amore, The Scam, The Corn Crew, Loug... and plenty of miscues and missed queues between each set.

I guess most independent publishers dream, and some even dream big. At least this one does. After surviving numerous production disasters year’s past, I dream of perfect shows, where the crowd pours into the venue hours early for free gifts and every band and performer hits the stage on time and keeps their sets.

But those are dreams, certainly big ones for this indy publisher. But every once in a while, dreams come true.

And this one certainly didn’t March 25th for our two year anniversary. Crowds were early, winning free gifts, and bands kept their sets for the most part, which is crucial to throwing a show with 5 bands and three performance sets.

So what went wrong? What doesn’t? The show was 72 hours away when I received the text from Stu, our freak show performance for the night. He had to cancel due to personal/family reasons. After posters are made, even last minute ones, that’s a swift kick in the nuts. The heart beats a little harder than it’s meant to, and sweat breaks the forehead when it shouldn’t. Some promoters might consider leaping from a high window or cutting their wrists or hanging themselves from the closet. I certainly felt like all of the above, but after years of suffering these pains without having to commit suicide,

I knew to always look for a freak or two in my hat.

And to my surprise, there were several.

These dire situations demand fast thinking, and even faster action. While Stu apologized, I asked him if he knew someone who could fill his spot. After our show last year at Atomic Cowboy I was pretty sure he did, but what you think you know in this business doesn’t mean shit until the fat dude in the last band has sang. And I could hear him warming up in the back. With the 48 hour countdown mark surfacing, I was prepared to take a deep breath and relax knowing we had a replacement crew. But a lot of shit can go deep south in 48 hours, even when your sitting on the border.

If the madness of planning this event had ended with Stu I would have been looking down on Cloud Nine – but that was only the beginning of it. In what seemed like only a few minutes later I received a call from Dean, the front man for Seance, questioning whether or not the show was Friday the 25th or Saturday the 26th. I knew it was the 25th, I thought everyone and their mother did by now, but him and the band were under the impression that it was the 26th. After the 25th was confirmed, he reluctantly withdrew Seance from the bill. Unfortunately he didn’t have a babysitter for the 25th, which is common for us older folks in the scene.

Yeah, we have kids... and some of us even have grand kids.

To worsen matters, less than 24 hours before the doors were expected to open I wasn’t for sure whether or not TOK was even performing either. I had their email confirmation form three months prior, but less than 1400 minutes prior to the show I didn’t have a definite confirmation, even after several email requests to confirm their spot for the night. By this time, even the most seasoned promoter/publisher would be ready to get the hell out of Dodge, run away with his tail between his legs. I was certainly weighing the option the night before when I got the call from Dean saying they were back on the ticket. Then our opener, I Stabbed My Landlord, who had cancelled a few days prior to internal issues, called and said the same. Yeah, did I forget to mention they had cancelled first? Probably so because that’s how fast shows of this magnitude can make your head spin. So know that nothing is ever set in stone, nor print, in the mad business of indy publishing and promoting.

And scheduling the bands is only one aspect of this maddening work. You also have to be prepared to pull the plug on jackasses who run into the other band’s time slots and who jump on the speakers and bar in total disrespect for the proprietor and the artists who have hung work. Yeah, bands like the Scam are the worst, but after the last weird dude sings and the doors close and the buzz finally catches up with you, it all seems worth it.

And that, my dear sinners, is another tale of fear and publishing in two cities....

2. Fear and Publishing 3. Collectivism Or Cooperation 4. Weapons of Mass Distraction

5. Joe Motor’s Conspiracy Theory 6. Piper’s Pit 7. Stop The Drug War

Music, Film, Art & Entertainment 10. Huggy Talk

11. Sinful Nights 12. Habit Of Force Unmasked 13. On The Scene With Malis 14. Hard Money Saints Poster 15. Hard Money Saints Unmasked 16. Habit Of Force Poster 18. Hard Count; Big Wheel Stunt Show; James Hunnicut 25. Sinner Anniversary Show Photo Album

Religion, Sex, & Other Sinner Shit 8. Our Sinful Community 9. When All Is Dead And Spun 20. Bitchin’ With Buddha 21. Adventures In The Afterlife 23. Serial Killer Horrorscope

26. Skin Deep With Stu

27. Naughti Gras 4 28. The Surley Gourmand 29. Campfire Tales 30. This I Shamelessly Tell You 31. Think Outside The Cage

Publisher: Chuck Foster - Layout: Terri Daniels Cover Art : Daniel Costello - Band: I Stabbed My Landlord WRITERS, RANTERS, OPINIONISTS & OTHER ALL-OUT FREAKS: Mark Taylor-Canfield Paul Blow Lucifer Saab Lofton Malice Henry Nicolle Joe Motor Stu Kimberly Peters Emily Eufinger

Gina Simon Jason Sibert Guitar Doug Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid Kendra Holliday The Surley Gourmand Gabriel C. Zolman Rob Butler

The Sinner is a group of contributing writers. Their opinions, rants and ideas do not necessarily reflect the views of The Sinner itself. The Sinner encourages contributions from its readers but retains the right to edit material due to content or length of submission.

For advertising or submission information, contact us at chuck@theseattlesinner.com. Submission deadline is the 25th of every month.

ESSAY | Collectivism

or Cooperation?

by Henry Nicolle

I

originally intended this essay to revisit my favorite proposed remedy for rebellion among the ranks of American Governing Institutions. All conflicts between individuals or entities which cannot be independently resolved, find themselves attached to the tarbaby of the American Legal System.

Our Founders made the sublime error of omitting the judiciary from direct accountability to the People. WE provided processes to vote out the President if our representatives will not remove by impeachment. Our Congressmen cannot escape the voters' wrath. But the federal courts and most of our State courts are encumbered by lawless, corrupted, venal or incompetent occupants immune to effective personal accountability.

Jefferson and Madison both exclaimed their dismay over the rapid dissolution of Rights and Liberty and limited powers brought about by our unrestricted courts.

This unfortunate circumstance has grown to be an intolerable, potentially fatal disease infecting our society. Appeals to judicial disciplinary bodies produce only about one action out of a thousand complaints and of the actions, only one in a thousand brings consequences more damning than an anonymous letter of rebuke, safely stored in the confidential files of the personnel office.

If impeachment is toothless, if complaints impotent and elections few, how do we restore integrity and law to our courts? Many proposals for institutional oversight have been offered, but all fail from dependence upon someone in governing employment to initiate or effect the processes of judicial accountability.

WE no longer find law or confidence of process in our lower courts. Justice with law is the exception in our appeals courts. Our supreme courts have effectively abandoned our fundamental Law and have abandoned the preservation of Rights and Liberty in our country.

There is a proposal which has received large common following and overwhelming, violent opposition from our judiciary, BAR associations and career government officialdom. The proposal varies from State to State as either an amendment to the State constitution or as a statute in those States where amendments are not directly proposed by the Citizens of their State.

“Judicial Accountability Initiative Law” provides that accountability for our judiciary originate with a complaint from an injured party, allows a special grand jury selected from the People to determine from the record whether or not immunity can be a shield and initiates a formal trial with the verdict of the People's jury to determine accountability and punishment. “JAIL4Judges” is the acronym.

The initiative removes the very endemic and debilitating custom of “judges shielding judges” from individual accountability. If judges im-

munity can be pierced by the People's juries, we will see better accountability of our processes of law and less protection by our courts of unlawful, illegal and unethical conduct by all other government persons. A judge would be unwise to unlawfully or unethically protect government wrongdoers when the People can vacate the bench of an unfaithful judge.

Ron Branson - National J.A.I.L.4Judges wrote “The Politics of Changing a Light Bulb” in early 2007 and the essay was published in the July 2007 The Seattle Sinner. Therein, Ron related my February unlawful arrest, illegal confiscation of my car and illegal abuse by the jailers. Shortly afterward, I accepted The Seattle Sinner's invitation to submit an essay or two on related topics.

Close to 50 essays later, (with my humble thanks to the Editor for the continued opportunity) I am returning to the core of the Editor's invitation.

That core relates to the question of “Who sets and enforces the rules for the conduct of government in a self-governing society?”

Well, who is it? WE elect our representatives and a few officials, (the President among those).

When they betray us, our purpose or our rules for governing, do we allow the government to decide what rules they must obey and the consequences of disobedience?

These questions turn our table round again to the question I have asked fifty times in fifty ways over nearly four years - when will we have the courage to rule ourselves? When will we exercise our power to enforce our authority to make the rules that people in government MUST obey?

We are a Republic, a society self-governed via representatives to whom we delegate our personal authority to preserve our inherent individual Rights and Liberty to self-determination.

Although we utilize limited democratic processes, we are NOT a Democracy except through ignorance and deception. Our representatives may be selected by us, but they must also be instructed and disciplined by us. They have no authority to destroy our inherent Rights and Liberty, regardless of any democratic process which they may be contrive.

This month, an English mob overran a court and removed the judges, as we did at our Revolution.

Must our past become our present? We must Act.

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India – Land Of Corporate Globalists And Guerillas I

n the minds of the majority of westBombay emerged as a significant trading town during the mid-18th century. erners, the nation of India possesses a romantic legacy of mythological and mystical significance. For those who have traveled there, the culture represents another reality entirely – a land infused with amazing diversity, and a society with a unique and somewhat chaotic political and cultural discourse. Depending upon your individual experience, Mother India can be either a mind-blowing culture clash or an inspirational lesson in diversity and tolerance.

There are many facts about this enigmatic land that both the Indian government and the western media decline to report. For the most part, news reporting about the country usually focuses strictly on trade and economic issues. American journalists concentrate almost exclusively on news stories that reflect India’s diplomatic relationship with the US . But these surface aspects of Indian culture are only a self-motivated westernized media version of reality. The truth is much different… pushing corporate globalization. In the US we won the match and is moving on to the World India has a population of one billion people. They represent one sixth of the entire have Bill Clinton and his pro-NAFTA and GATT Cup finals against Sri Lanka, another controverworld’s population. Governing such a vast num- initiatives to thank for the loss of 40,000 manu- sial nation near its borders. Sri Lanka is the place ber of citizens has always posed a challenge for facturing plants. Millions of middle class union where the Tamil Tigers, a Maoist separatist army the country’s leaders. Add to this situation the fact jobs were lost to outsourcing. Manufacturing has been battling for decades to control the island.

Due to the mass hysteria caused by the World that there are over 170 regional dialects spoken in centers like Detroit turned into urban wastelands.

India and you will see that it represents a highly Millions of American families have abandoned Cup competition, the following events have been diverse and nearly unmanageable population of their hopes of owning a home or sending their largely ignored by the news media: 1) Revolts by children to college. farmers upset over the use of genetically modified unique cultures all living within one nation.

Such is also the reality in India where the Monsanto seeds; 2) Violence between Islamic Although Hindi has long been the traditional national language, a small number of English Cricket World Cup semi-final match in Punjab and Hindu factions; and 3) Maoist Communists speaking technocrats and business representa- between India and Pakistan has been the major guerillas controlling rural Indian villages. These tives conduct most of the economic transactions domestic news story lately. Granted, this is the stories are the dirty secrets that Indian diplomats that have linked India to the west. Surprisingly, first time that the two prime ministers have met refuse to acknowledge unless pressured by couraonly a very small percentage of Indians speak the together, even if it was for a major sporting event. geous independent foreign journalists.

Queen’s English, despite their recent colonial past. This minority control of the economy is only one example of how the business and diplomatic classes monopolize both the government apparatus and the sources of capital.

The image of India as a miraculously expanding capitalistic economic world power is undermined by the knowledge that most of the nation shares a commonality with the earth’s other new economic superpower - China. The truth is that the majority of the population of both countries live in so-called “third” and “second world” conditions while an elite business and corporate class live in luxury in the major cities, supported by their western economic allies.

Meanwhile, subsistence farmers in remote villages eek out a tiny income, sometimes less than three hundred US dollars per year. In spite of the new middle class lifestyle available to people among the cosmopolitan urban populations, the “peasants” are still living the same way their ancestors did during the twelfth century. Neither India nor China has made a concerted effort to raise the standard of living for Indian news media is no different from any these rural people even though they make up the India and Pakistan have been trying to defeat each other politically and militarily since the days of other western media. Government spokespersons majority of their populations.

The familiar “American Dream” of middle Mahatma Gandhi, largely due to the rivalry be- and self-appointed media pundits (so-called “exclass success and prestige is currently only avail- tween Islamic and Hindu culture. An estimated perts”) control most of the political dialogue. Faable to a small number of folks around the globe. one billion viewers watched the historic Cricket mous Indian actors and pop singers get tons of Even most Americans have seen this dream match on television and the internet. It was a truly attention from the media just like entertainers in smashed by the agenda of powerful interests global event. Unfortunately for Pakistan, India the US. Many government officials are mainly

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written by Mark Taylor-Canfield concerned with lining the pockets of their supporters and securing large multi-national corporate agreements.

The miraculous increase in incomes among the elite class in Mumbai and Delhi is the result of million dollar deals with major multinational corporations. The need to support these business interests provides an incentive for political power among Indian leaders. To keep the economy growing, they must satisfy these investors with tales of unlimited development and constantly increasing westernization.

Two years after an extremist attack killed 170 people in Mumbai the Indian government is still mostly interested in doing business with corporations seeking low wage workers so they can increase profits. The practice of outsourcing jobs from the US to India has been a very lucrative arrangement for American businesses, and the Indians are more than willing to keep these agreements in order to sustain their amazing economic growth.

India is definitely a beautiful and magical place. But, although I run the risk of making a sweeping generalization with the following statement, I still can't help seeing the nation of India through the eyes of the corporate raiders. They and their political friends see the country as simply prime takeover territory - including cheap labor and lax environmental and labor laws. India is strictly an economic opportunity for these corporations.

Global corporatists are not concerned with the ecological devastation or economic displacement that is bound to result from their sizable investments in the country. The business interests do not care whether village farmers are in revolt or the Maoists have taken over part of the nation. Although sweatshops and low wages may be the reality for most Indian workers, as long as the multi-nationals are making a profit and the Indian government is benefiting from their relationship with these business interests, the corporate takeover of India is inevitable.

The reader should expect to hear about more major diplomatic efforts to increase economic cooperation between the US and India.

The writing is already on the wall. Indian government officials are ready to make deals and the Wall Street and Walmart folks are listening. President Obama will most likely try to spearhead some of these initiatives as he tries to inspire economic growth in the US. The President is committed to making the nation a major exporter again and he sees India as a potential market for American goods.

Whatever your inpressions of India may be, she will surely surprise you again and again. This is the land of the Buddha, of Maoist rebels, farmers in revolt, and Ballywood superstars. These dicotomies of culture are bound to continue to blend into even more intricate mixtures, probably with amazingly unexpected results...

myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

by Joe Motor

I

was asked to write about more conspiracy theories, and why not? I believe in more than a few.

Take prescription drugs, for example. It seems the drug companies want us all to be on their little pills. Depressed? Take a pill. Going through some hard times? Take a pill. Can’t get it up? Seems they have a drug for everything these days.

When I was a kid, and that was a long time ago, kids weren't going to school and murdering every one in sight. Mothers weren't killing their children and teen suicide was not an every day occurrence.

The dirty little secret is, virtually every one acting out like this is on antidepressants and other prescription drugs. Schools and teachers tell parents to put kids on certain drugs, or they will not teach them.

I have personally talked with people who have dealt with this kind of crap. When our media talks of school shootings, why aren't they telling us these people are on prescription drugs? I'm not saying these drugs don't help some people, but have you heard how hard it is to stop taking some of these drugs once you have been using them?

I know a women that was given Wellbutrin to help her Quit smoking. Right away she became suicidal, thought she was going crazy, and thankfully stopped taking the drug right away.

Why do you think those in power don't want to legalize marijuana? Maybe, because it works better than a lot of this crap the drug companies are selling the public and they know they could not regulate it, because it is a plant. Not to mention, politicians get a lot of money from these Pharmacudical companies.

In my opinion, the only reason they are lightening up and not enforcing marijuana laws is to stifle the movement to completely legalize cannabis. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to see the Seattle Police turn a blind eye and not enforce some of the most ridiculous laws ever written. In fact, we need to legalize all drugs and regulate them like we do alcohol.

You would think the drug companies could get behind that. At any rate, drugs are bad shit, and personally I have not done them, or drank for years. However, I feel very strongly about legalization of all drugs, and ending this war on drugs that we can never win. Think of the money we could save on enforcement and prisons.

Laws stop no one. Hell, it's probably easier to get them illegally now than it would be to get them legally, if they were legal. The argument that a lot more people would use drugs if they were legal is just not true. If alcohol was illegal, people would just make it in the basement the way my dad used to.

By the way if cigarettes get any more expensive, I'm going to start growing tobacco and selling it on the street corner.

5

Nuke Orange County

written by Saab Lofton

“There is energy in the nucleus of an atom. Nature’s ‘strong force’ is the glue that holds that nucleus together and keeps the energy within. Nature intended it to stay that way.”

– Daredevil #250 “The unfolding multiple nuclear reactor catastrophe in Japan is prompting overdue attention to the 104 nuclear plants in the United States – many of them aging, many of them near earthquake faults, some on the west coast exposed to potential tsunamis.”

– Ralph Nader

... I would like to think what recently happened in Japan is “prompting overdue attention” to the inherent danger of that which is nuclear, however ...

On July 24th, 1987, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace debuted. In it, the world’s most famous/ popular fictional character is depicted throwing every nuclear missile on Earth into the sun. The problem is, to this day, bitchy-ass fans still get off on turning their noses up at the film because of its lackluster special effects and a couple of submicroscopic plot holes.

This is the definition, the very epitome of white skin privilege: Christopher Reeve wrote The Quest for Peace so it would inspire the masses to demand an end to nuclear proliferation.

Unfortunately, all I hear are snide comments whenever its name is mentioned (especially online). That’s why I entitled this piece Nuke Orange County, because clearly, it’s going to take a predominantly white city/country getting nuked before these stuck up fans finally get it through their thick skulls that the movie’s promotion of nuclear abolition is FAR more important than their precious “suspension of disbelief” or a desire to be thoroughly enraptured by a cinematic experience! Priorities, people!

“I first became aware of the threat of nuclear war when I read Neville Shute’s book On The Beach when I was 15 years old and living in Melbourne, where the book was set. The book was about an accidental nuclear war that triggers the end of Human life. This scenario branded my soul.”

– Dr. Helen Caldicott Since she’s not as famous as Lindsay Lohan or Lady Gaga, let me explain: Dr. Caldicott is the world’s premiere anti-nuclear activist and was named by the Smithsonian Institute as one of the most influential women of the 20th Century. This particular quote of hers is meant to illustrate that FICTION MATTERS. Uncle Tom’s Cabin helped end slavery, Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle made it safe to bite into a hot dog and Orwell’s Animal Farm/1984 has kept the powerful in line for decades.

Therefore, if Neville Shute’s On The Beach had that kind of an effect on the good doctor, then so too could Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. In fact, I’m actually living proof that it can.

I graduated from high school a month before The Quest for Peace was released, and at the time, I seriously contemplated joining the army, but after watching it, I chose to join the Peace Movement instead. For the record, the reason I’m

6

so consumed with righteous rage is this: I can’t but wonder whether the current nuclear disaster in Japan could’ve been averted if more people were similarly inspired by the film (as opposed to being psychotically obsessed with its TRIVIAL flaws).

Whoever claims that we supposedly need nukes must have cousins for parents and is retarded as a result. In addition to being vulnerable to sabotage, cyber-attack and technical error, approximately $100 billion is WASTED annually on these weapons of mass destruction, according to the Nuclear Age Peace Foundation (that $100 billion needs to be spent on eco-friendly job creation, a la the Apollo Alliance).

“Incredibly, here in the 21st century, some people still appear to believe that nuclear weapons have a rational combat role. This idea must be stamped out completely before it can grow further.”

--Tadatoshi Akiba, three-term mayor of Hiroshima As far as nuclear power plants are concerned, Dr. Helen Caldicott said it best: Dr. Helen Caldicott “Nuclear power, apart from nuclear war, is the greatest medical threat posed to life on this planet. In fact, 95% of the total nuclear waste in the United States has been generated by nuclear power plants. Nuclear waste will last for 500,000 years, and there is no safe means to prevent these radioactive elements from entering and concentrating in the food chain. These elements, which are tasteless, odorless and invisible, are highly carcinogenic and mutagenic. Over time, they will induce epidemics of cancer and leukemia.

This is particularly true for children, who are 10 to 20 times more radiosensitive than adults, and are therefore much more susceptible to cancer.

The nuclear waste will also induce epidemics of genetic diseases and congenital abnormalities in Humans (as well as in animals and plants) for the rest of time.”

There’s an organization called Beyond Nuclear (beyondnuclear.org) which is endorsed by actor Ed Asner. If corporate censorship wasn’t so damn virulent; if movies were based on MY stories (as opposed to bread and circuses such as Beverly Hills Chihuahua and Dude, Where’s My Car?), I could afford to make massive donations to the group. As things stand, I can barely pay my bills, so if you’re a musician (rock, rap, whatever), hold benefit concerts every single weekend for Beyond Nuclear. If you’re not musically inclined, organize bake sales, fashion shows and other fund raisers.

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StoptheDrugWar.org When Politicians Joke About Medical Marijuana, They’re Laughing at AIDS and Cancer Patients

By Scott Morgan

St

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, uis

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Someone please help me understand what is soooo funny about the fact that marijuana increases appetite. Apparently, everyone else is having a blast with this and all I see is a tasteless cliché that gets older every time. Anyway, here we go again: It seems everyone’s a comedian when it comes to cannabis. Now a Washington legislator has added a joke pizza amendment to a bill which would expand the state’s medical marijuana law.

Rep. Glenn Anderson (F-Fall City) proposed a joke amendment requiring the state to reimburse medical marijuana patients for pizza they eat while legally high. Anderson’s amendment specifies it would not reimburse for more than three toppings, or for tips to pizza delivery drivers.

(Toke of the Town) Ok, I see his point about the 3-topping limit, but…no!

This has to stop. It’s actually incredibly unfunny that some people desperately need medical marijuana to keep them from vomiting up their AIDS medications. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say again that public servants have no business whatsoever mocking their constituents, and marijuana policy is most certainly not an exception to the rule.

I will grant you that marijuana is interesting, important, intensely popular, and worth discussing at great length for any number of reasons, and yes there are some funny things to be said about it too. But there is nothing funny about legislative efforts to reform marijuana policy to better serve the public, and particularly the seriously ill. If the thought of passing a new medical marijuana law gives you the urge to make jokes, you are behaving like a child, not a leader.

We could all use a good laugh though, and I promise I’ll do my part to lighten the mood once the DEA stops raiding medical facilities, once the President delivers on his drug policy promises, and once the number of people arrested in America for marijuana is closer to zero than a million.

Corrupt Cop Stories Missing drug money, meth-dealing sheriffs, cocaine-snorting crooked cops, cops turned robbers -- it’s just another week on the corrupt cops beat. Let’s get to it: In Paris, Tennessee, the director of the 24th Judicial District Drug Task Force was suspended March 30 pending an investigation into missing drug money. Steven Lee, the director of the drug task force, was suspended with pay and a secretary within the task force fired, although the Henry County district attorney didn’t say exactly why. He did say he called in the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation in early 2010 after $4,200 went missing from a drug seizure and the drug task force had no record of the money ever being seized. He said the investigation is continuing.

In Poughkeepsie, New York, a retired Poughkeepsie police officer was arrested March 31 for allegedly tipping off drug dealers in exchange for cocaine. Retired officer David Palazzolo, 47, is accused of using departmental computers to learn the identities and locations of undercover narcotics officers and turning that information over to admitted cocaine in return for some of their product.

In Van Buren, Missouri, the Carter County sheriff was arrested Saturday on methamphetamine distribution charges. Sheriff Tommy Adams, 31, went down after an investigation by the Van Buren Police, the FBI, the Missouri Division of Fire Safety, and the Missouri Highway Patrol. Adams’ home burned down in January 2010, and authorities said at the time nothing suspicious was found, but they did not say if the fire prompted the meth investigation. An unnamed deputy sheriff was also arrested Saturday, but has not been charged. At last report, Adams was in jail trying to raise a $250,000 cash-only bond.

In Cincinnati, a Cincinnati police officer was arrested Tuesday on charges of obstructing justice and unauthorized use of a computer. Officer Alvin Triggs was arrested by officers from the Regional Enforcement Narcotics Unit for an offense that took place January 28. The two counts are both felonies and carry maximum sentences of 2 ½ years each.

In Philadelphia, a former Philadelphia police officer pleaded guilty Tuesday to helping accused drug dealers rob a man they thought was a drug courier. Christopher Luciano, 23, pleaded guilty to robbery, conspiracy, kidnapping, official oppression, and possession of a drug with intent to deliver. Luciano and a fellow 25th District officer, Sean Alivera, 31, were arrested October 4. Alivera was scheduled to plead guilty on Wednesday. The pair went down after agents from the state Bureau of Narcotics Investigation heard from an informant that a Philadelphia drug dealer was bragging that Philadelphia police had helped him set up and rob drug couriers. Agents then set up a sting, and the pair bit. They are now looking at at least five years in prison and as many as 67. No sentencing dates have been set yet.

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HELLO, ST. LOUIS!... AND WELCOME TO THE ELEVENTH EPISODE OF

OUR SINFUL COMMUNITY! For some reason I’m still your host, Chet Chesterson, and my job tonight is to feature some of our local businesses and celebrities with a bit of sinful flare to them. So all you in the audience please stand up and give yourselves a round of applause for supporting your sinful community – and all you folks out there watching on the boob-tube, give yourself a pat on the back, too. You each deserve it!

Charity Tovrea Let me tell you folks, I’m really excited about our guest tonight. She’s an artist, photographer, costume designer, writer, you name it! And get this, she even has her own jewelry line! She’s got a lot to say, so everyone on your feet for Miss Charity Tovrea.....

It’s great to see you, Charity. And let me say, you look smashing...so, how are you doing tonight?

Fantastic, Chet, glad to be on the show! granted as pests. Each one of my pieces is unique in I tell you what, you sure are a well-rounded artist. their composition and creature-content. I also work with You do everything! So, tell us a bit about yourself... recycled glass, old watch gears, keys, and wire to create Sure. I am a multi-media artist, focusing on photography, my pieces, giving them distinct-yet-unique steampunk jewelry & costume design, and writing at the moment. look and feel.

Since my earliest memories, I have always been driven to create. Live to create-create to live, that sort of men- That’s just amazing. When you first hear dead bugs, tality. Being a bit scatter-brained, I was never content to it sounds kind of gross, but that’s hardly the case. stay within any one field of art, so I spread myself out Those are beautiful pieces. So, I understand you over just about any and all fields I could get a hold of. have a show coming up at Koken...

I actually got my start in photography on the other end Yes, it is my first solo-produced art and music show, of lens, where I modRenaissance Pt1: Reeled professionally for birth of the Soul on 6 years. While modelApril 16th, 7P.M. - 1:30 ing, I learned all about A.M. My show is a true the photography-side harkening back to the of the business from classical sense of the some of the most word Renaissance – talented peeps in the to be reborn, to take field, specializing in from the old knowledge artistic and alternative and understandings, modeling. After being and create something someone else’s canrevolutionary and new. vas for a few years, I hope to make this a I decided it was time yearly event, with a Model: Marissa to play the creator Model: Michelle Mynx of Gravity Plays Favorites new rebirth each year – roll from a different photographer - Carrie Meyer of Insomniac Studios • MUA - Kristina McGaughey heart, mind, whole, etc. angle. My work is very nature-driven, both in photog- – but this year’s theme is rebirth of the soul, a perfect raphy and jewelry creations, where I strive to show the place to start to light the fires of inspiration and imaginadelicate balance between life and death, the incredible tion. I am hoping that this series will be an inspiration for world we have all around us that we may never take the a new movement in the city’s artistic community towards time to truly see, and how our actions, big or small, can renewal and rebirth of the spirit, pushing ourselves and cause massive waves in the wider world that holds sway fellow artists towards new heights of excellence and disover us all. covery in all our individual and combined crafts. It’s about time for a revolution of the artist kind!

Speaking of your jewelry, I see you’re sporting a few magnificent pieces now... what’s your secret?

Well, we’re about of time, Charity. So where can we find out more about your work and the Koken show?

Thank you :) My jewelry line, Psyche’s Garden, is composed of real insects, butterflies, leaves and flowers that All of my show’s info is up on Koken’s site – www.kokenI collect while out hiking through the forests of Illinois. It artfactory.com – and you can find out more about me and is a totally no-kill collection, where the insects are col- my feature escapes on FaceBook-Charity Tovrea and lected and preserved after they have died either natu- www.StudioPsyche.net :) I am also in another show on rally or through careless human interactions/accidents April 16th, 18 hours Later, at the Syndicate building, 915 e.g. read roadkill here :P The collection allows people Olive St. to see and touch all of the intricate and beautiful details of the smaller Well, thanks for coming out tonight, Charity. And I look side of life – forward to seeing you again at Koken! Until next time, be the side many sure to get out there and support your sinful community! might take for

Sinfinis

Artist Max Iver for Mad Hatters Moo

WHEN ALL IS DEAD AND SPUN (Enemies With Benefits, part two)

by Gabriel C. Zolman

R

eality always fucks on the first date; in fact, I'd say it often fucks you up for life.

I was balls deep in the back alley of life. We lay as lovers and lie like parents. I'd taken yet another hit for the team that night. There might not be an "I" in team, but there are certainly a few in "fucking bitch." Some of us have a special hate for love.

"No sir, liquor is closed."

I never understood why Walgreens—in the 90s— roped their liquor aisles at ten, and neither did the customers—I turned them away in droves night after night.

I was working sixty-something hours there a week just to support us. My girlfriend couldn't keep a job, due to her recreational excesses. There was also a matter of principle, I suppose: "I want to be a 'kept woman,'" she would tell me, "a 'real man' works to make a home for us." By "us," of course, she meant "her." But then, I was pretty fucking gullible at the time.

Sleep was death, and certainly the death of our romance.

I worked so many hours—working against the light, and deep into the night—hoping, needing, praying that she would sleep during my shift, lest she be left bored and alone to make fresh havoc by some fitful whim. Thus, I labored countless hours more to entertain her after work. I couldn't leave her unattended, lest her chaos claim us both. All passion and all pleasure has a price.

I was a puppet on a heartstring, dangling from a tampon of defeat. I was lover, counselor, fool—doomed from the start, enabler in the end, unable to make ends meet, or bring my curse to blessed closure. Riddled with guilt like bullets, I shot down any chance to get away. Maybe it was Virgin Cling, or a static state of mind; but I swore that I would save this girl if I lost my very soul…

I'd never done a drug before, but soon I'd learn to stay awake for days…by hook or by crook until crooked and hooked on whatever I could find. And this is what I found: It's easier losing sleep when you've already lost your dreams.

They said she was a knock-out; indeed, I often felt unconscious when she spoke. Heartbeaten and heartstrung-out, weighted down beneath the chest, I was waiting up and waiting on the call…waiting on God, or cardiac arrest.

Ah yes…the call:

It was the sort of call to arms that left one hanging on the phone. Every other day, I knew it'd come: perhaps a call from jail, or a drunk-dial from a pub—a slurring cry for help from dingy bars, or from behind them. Perhaps it would be the stern voice of Security…a doorman she'd enraged or bouncer she'd bounced off of here and there…some poor off-duty cop she'd begged to cuff her for the thrill. It would be another night I'd have to beg a friend to pick her up, while still unsure how I'd be getting home myself. But I knew that call of the wild-at-heart would—one day—end with something wilder still. Every time I heard the phone ring, my heart sank with both nausea and gnosis: would this call be the one to come identify the corpse?

And when I'd finally see her—wild-eyed, drunken, drenched in filth and sin—my lips muttered relief, while my own wild gaze spoke nothing of the sort. My eyes served but to vivisect the already vilified. I said, "Thank God that you're alright," and "I love you more than anything at all." But "the Look" said only, "Please God, get it over with," and "I love you, but I wish you'd finally die." Death would be my liberator…for though I cherished every day with her, I lived in constant dread of those to come.

My heart lived just to prolong the romance; the Look longed for an end to the suspense.

I've seen it, I've received it, I've dispensed it. In fact, I recall thinking I'd seen that Look a scant few months ago, amid my drunken travels at a club.

Worlds collided on the ground like stars in Velikovsky's sky.

Low lights and lowlifes, high heels and highlights… camera phones and raging bones, wild eyes and tamed beasts…tongue-kisses and near-misses…dancing, cheers, and choked-back tears: it opened with applause, and ended with a thud. A lover looked on from afar, then rolled his eyes in dread, and turned away…

I could have sworn I saw that Look—that Look I gave so many years ago.

As weeks passed by, I came to change my mind. The night was sloppy with vomit and shame, and a good deal of it mine. Some people are difficult to read; and others are only read for the cartoons.

Eventually, this goes somewhere (I think).

And with a parting shot indeed, let us resume our

tale back in those sunken times…

One night, I had that Look again, and deep within, wondered anew if this would finally be the night—the night I'd mourn death and grieve over lost love…but finally taste my freedom, bittersweet. I paced the room as always, and as any night, made room for her in bed. We weren't quite still together, but we scarcely were apart. That night, that day…I slept and woke alone.

Restless evenings passed until I finally got the call. She wasn't dead, but may as well been. That, I fear, is a morbid and ironic tale itself for other times. But she'd never be seen again; it was a little death, with tiny tears and limited surprise. And the freedom that I craved— in secret and in loathing, with guilt to fill vast seas and countless seasons—arrived neither on time nor bearing absolution.

Though the sex was wild, hard, and prolific, it wasn't what I thought of when she ever came to mind. It's not that I don't remember, or recall it fondly…but the memories bare this odd sort of detachment—I remember it like I'd remember any fun thing that we did.

Truthfully, do you know what comes to mind when I recall our time together? I sit and stare, and wonder if I maybe could have saved her…even though I know that nothing could.

Sometimes, the light of your life does nothing to lighten life itself; but then, some light is less forgiving— likewise, some angles only obstruct the greater view… and I'm not angling at forgiveness anymore. I'm not out for blood, or out to see the light. I'm only out to find where I came in, and exit through that door some distant, grateful night.

Boo hoo. Dear God, I need caffeine.

More than a decade's passed, and the shoe has found another foot. I've become much like old bedmates, and everything I once sought to escape. And now that Look directs itself at me.

I wander into work, half-dead, two-thirds distracted, and wholly uninvested; my manager takes one look and rolls his eyes with the sort of disdain one might usually reserve for the crudely transgendered, the drunk and drooling, the semen-encrusted, the lumpiest of hobos— those with trousers splotched by endless molestations and hands swollen from heroin, scarcely able to shake their fists in grief at the cold grey heavens long indifferent to their screams. I tend to get this more on Tuesdays.

My performance is no better or no worse than any other person there, on any other night; but still, The Look prevails. Management knows little—if anything—about me or any aspect of my life, nor would they care; I just look like someone they might—some near or distant day—need to replace…like someone who might—for any reason, or no reason at all—not show up some afternoon. I look like someone whose last paycheck might be claimed by next-of-kin.

My friends don't plan surprises, so much as they plan interventions. It's a curious irony: I've become the life and death of the party, surrounded by many who call me "brother," but are in fact only related to a scene. They are "close friends" from a friendly distance. To them, I'm dead man stumbling, a bomb ticking as fiercely as my tweaking pulse. And everyone wants tickets to the show. They just don't want to get anything on them. It's like some cosmic fatalistic GWAR show: we are voyeurs—each and all—gawking at the spectacle of death, but no one really wants front row, and don't wear your good clothes.

To an extent, I've come to peace with this; I do love to entertain.

When all is dead and spun…"Do what thou wilt…do what thou must."

I have learned a hard-fought lesson: You cannot change those that do not will it. With love must come respect, and one must respect the choices others make. Even when eyes once filled with adoration turn to bloodshot desperation, those eyes must look ahead— never away. Should we grow apart, may it be because

we both have simply grown.

Some of us are born merely to burn away. We are grave and wonton wooden matchsticks, alive with furious abandon and flames of angst when lit, destined only to shine a swiftly dimming light that sets blazes to your other smoking ills until burnt out—be it snuffed and cast aside into the ashpit, or a swift blackening simmer, that burns until the fire burns your thumb.

I'm not someone you can save. You can only save your breath, and both our time.

Rather, let us make merry. Don't avoid the ones you care for because you fear the pain of losing them later on; that distance won't protect you once you've lost them. Your coldness grants no amnesty, but instead only accumulates a grievous wealth of unrequited love, and a burden of curiosity forever unresolved. And if you must soften the blow, cut off merely the urge to change those that cannot; alienate merely the notion that they must be some other way. Stop playing God: If you accept that we all have right—in fact, responsibility—to choose our course of life, then why not also our demise?

It's better to be written out than written off; and I prefer to have the final edit. I shall live and die by my own terms; void where prohibited, no purchase required, see inside for details. You may be an instant winner.

But I'm veering. And I seriously need to get laid right now.

Seriously. Now. In more compact terms, emotionally speaking, we all have known a loved one with a bomb strapped to their back. And we all think we can run, and view those pretty fireworks from afar. But it doesn't really work that way. It doesn't really work at all.

And someone needs to buy me some cigars before I seriously open fire in a crowded fucking restaurant.

Love is blind, but some only turn a blind eye in the end. )+(

9

What are the top ten party rock songs of all time? To me, a party rock song must fill three requirements: it must be up-tempo with a straight ahead ROCKING beat (no power ballads allowed), it must make you feel good (no depressing lyrics allowed), and it must make you want to move, maybe even dance up a storm. Here then, are the top ten party rock songs of all time, songs that have consistently pumped me up over the years and my “go-to” songs that I play when I’m gearing up for a night out on the town. So let’s get the party started!

10) Jump (Van Halen): David Lee Roth is one of rock’n’roll’s greatest partiers and he knows how to have a good time. “Jump” features a straight-ahead rock beat, cool synth work by Eddie, and of course Diamond Dave’s amazing vocals. Nobody can resist singing along with this number, at least no decent rock’n’roller I know can resist, and this song will get the party started and have people jumping around in no time, flash.

9) Round and Round (RATT): RATT is a great party rock butt-rock band with scores of tunes suitable for a rock’n’roll party mix, but “Round and Round” is probably their biggest hit and for good reason: a great rocking beat, cool guitar riffs, cool vocals by Stephen Pearcy, awesome lead guitar work by Warren De Martini, and a super catchy chorus. An instant party rock classic.

8) Welcome to the Jungle (Guns ‘N Roses): Sure, this is one song that’s been played waaaay too many times, but let’s face it—you never get tired of hearing it! After all, this is probably the best song Guns ‘N Roses ever recorded and it’s the song that made them famous (especially after being featured in a Dirty Harry movie), and it’s one heckuva great party rock song, complete with cowbell even. Great beat, super cool riffs, and Axl’s awesome vocals... a “must play” at any decent rock’n’roll party. Fun and games, indeed!

7) Little T&A (Rolling Stones): Although the Stones have got scores of party rock songs this one is my personal favorite. It is actually the only song I like off the Tattoo You album and it features a straight-ahead rocking beat, super cool riffs, and Keith Richards on vocals. And comon’... the lyrics “tits and ass with soul, baby...” that’s PARTY! 6) Black Out in the Red Room (Love/Hate): The Los Angeles butt-rock band Love/Hate only had a couple of hits back in the day, and “Black Out in the Red Room” was one of them, for good reason... this is a party rock song to the maximum and features a great beat, a huge guitar riff, and singer Jizzy Pearl’s truly awesome vocals. The chorus even contains the lyric “It’s party time!” which makes this hit an instant party rock classic, suitable for framing.

5) Strutter (KISS): A party rock mix without KISS would be a travesty. There are so many KISS party rock songs to choose from but “Strutter” has always been one of my personal favorite KISS songs and it never fails to pump me up and make me rock out with my you-know-what out. One of the great guitar riffs of all time (courtesy of Ace Frehley) and who can’t resist raising their fist and singing along with the chorus? I know I can’t... and you can’t either. Play it!

4) Let’s Get Wasted (Warrior Soul): “Let’s Get Wasted” appears on Warrior Soul’s The Space Age Playboys album. The entire album is a punky, glammy, party rock classic, but “Let’s Get Wasted” is the highlight track and features an awesome rocking drum beat, sizzling guitars, and Kory Clarke’s snarling vocals. The chorus of the song is “Let’s Get Wasted” (of course) and isn’t that what you want to do at a rock’n’roll party?

Of course it is. This song has been pumping me up for years now and it always gets me in the proper mood for a night out on the town.

3) 999 (Keith Richards): “999” appears on Keith Richards solo album Main Offender and is simply one of the most rocking songs I’ve ever heard. What makes this song is the straight ahead rock beat mixed with the killer Keith Richards riff (why do you think they call him “the Riff”?) and it just plain rocks steady for almost five minutes. The lyrics are nonsensical, but seem to have something to do with heroin, that’s my guess.

When I play this song I usually end up breaking out in a kung fu frenzy... that’s how freaking awesome it is.

2) She Sells Sanctuary (the Cult): If you want the peeps to hit the floor and start dancing at your next rock’n’roll party this is the song to play. I know, I always bust out in a groove whenever I hear it, it never fails to make me move. “She Sells Sanctuary” is probably the best song the Cult ever recorded and it features a straight ahead rock beat, a strong bass line, super cool melodic guitar work by Billy Duffy, Ian Astbury’s amazing vocals, and all combined makes for one heckuva awesome party rock song. Play it and dance, suckas!

1) Shout it Out Loud (KISS): KISS is the ultimate party rock band of all time so they get two songs on my “top ten party rock songs” list. “Shout it Out Loud” is a stand out party rock song with big riffs, awesome vocals by Paul Stanley, and one of the catchiest choruses of all time. The song even contains the lyric “we’re gonna have a party”... darn right we’re gonna have a party, and we’re gonna party down with KISS!

10

myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

Mandina’s

1319 St Louis Ave

April 1st, 2011

Mandina’s may be a sports bar known for its $1 PBRs and great food, but they’re certainly building a reputation for their heavy-hittin’ rock shows! And May 1st was no exception with THORHAMMER, FETAL INJURY, and HELLBILLY! These bands rocked the north city, and I’m looking forward to catching them again... and so should you!

Make Mad The Guilty

Flesh Vehicle April 1st, 2011 @ The Firebird

After leaving the Mandina’s show to meet up with TOK, I was really disappointed to have missed the 1st half of Flesh Vehicle.

These guys are one tight act! Photos by Ricky Sherman.

Friendly’s 3503 Roger Pl

By the time we arrived to catch MAKE MAD THE GUILTY practice, rhythm guitarist Christian Stickman and vocalist Rex Carroll had already split. I think they had homework to finish up, or something along those lines, which makes sense as they’re high school kids. Hanging behind to answer a few questions for us was Guitarist Trevor West, bassist Dj Hess, and drummer Jake Willman. I had heard the guys were a bit nervous about us stopping in, but if that was the case, they never let on.

Although their youthful innocents greeted us at the door, a feel of maturity quietly surfaced as we talked about their new music project. Trevor appeared to be the front guy when asked questions about how the band started, explaining that it was nothing more than Dj’s mom rounding them all up and telling them they had a spot on the line-up, if they wanted it.

These new rockers may be young, but Dj and Jake have been playing music since they could walk, or close to. There’s nothing shabby about Trevor’s skill on the guitar either, he shreds it with ease. And shred he will have to do, because these cats aren’t some American Idol geeks, they’re Metal Heads. Trevor credits the guitar for this direction, cut and dry, while Dj says it was his dad who introduced him to the scene. Jake, on the other hand, has no idea how he got here because he used to be into alternative bands before he went hard core.

For right now, all these kids are thinking about is getting on stage next month at the Maryland Heights Community Theatre and playing their asses off for all of their friends, fans, and families! And that aint a bad thought to savor for anyone, especially a bunch of high school kids on their first gig! Go get “em!

The bar scene in St. Louis has certainly underwent some drastic changes over the last year, most notably the new smoking ordinance. Friendly's Sports Bar was one of the establishments who originally received an exemption from the ban, but that is no longer the case.

Yes, the good ol’ days of Denny sitting at the front table, with his stogie in hand, chatting sports with his friends, seemed to be threatened, or at least forced outside into the elements.

Well, Denny's not the kind of guy who will take that type of raw deal sitting down, and certainly not without firing up another cigar. And since none of us can afford to beat city hall, he did the next best thing: build a modern-style patio to cater to his smoking clientele.

And let me tell you, he went all out. The new patio is climate controlled with heat during the winter and a misting system for the hot summer days, which Denny says should drop the temperature by 20 degrees on a hot summer afternoon. None of the indoor luxuries we're sacrificed, either. The patio has flat screen TVs, foos-

ball, air hockey, a beautiful bar, brick floors and walls, food, everything you could ever want or need with a smoke! And the patio's concession stand even has 50 cent shrimp and hot wings every Friday and Saturday from 5pm till 11pm!

With this addition, Denny says that the bar now has roughly 3,600 square feet, with the patio consuming about a 1,000 of that. Of course, this elaborate of a project had a stiff price tag, about $15,000 so far, Denny says. But it seems to have been worth every penny to provide Denny's smoking patrons with all the comforts of indoor smoking... at least that's what it looks like by the crowd that fills it every weekend.

“Habit Of Force’s combination of musical styles forms a ‘three’ headed beast that crushes all in site.”

written by Chuck Foster The interview started with me asking Tony Voodoo from Habit of Force for a sound check, “Testing, one, two, three... just say something, anything, man...” A quiet, “Alright...” is all I got back. From the few times I’ve spoken with him out and about, that’s not too surprising. His demeanor is quiet, almost mildly conservative, even when out supporting another band at a hardhitting rock show. Of course, you wouldn’t think that to look at him; his lengthy black hair, tattoos and sinister look scream Metal. But that’s something I discovered about Habit Of Force in this interview, that they’re becoming known for tearing down stereotypes just as much as they’re known for earth-shaking Metal.

Let’s start with the basics, tell me about Habit Of Force...

Actually, Habit Of Force, and their guitarist, Rich Collins, and I have been jamming since 95. We’ve been involved in a couple different projects, so honestly man, when that band finally formed, I couldn’t really tell you... maybe 2002, maybe 2003. The first LP we put out was 2004. And then we put out another LP in 2007, with NDX, another Chicago-based band. Then in the summer of 2007 I left... and I returned to Habit Of Force in 2010 when I was told they were having some issues with their drummer.

problems with Habit Of Force, so I was kind of venting to him and he was venting back and said something about me coming back.... and I said, yeah, it’s feasible... it could work out...

Let me stop you there, since you’re talking about leaving a band then coming back to it. So what’s that transition like for a musician?

Personally, for me, the reason I left Habit Of Force, had a little bit to do with Big Truck, but that was more fed off the issue I had with the vocals at the time. The singer rubbed me the wrong way, more like he was a big rock star... and shortly after that him and Big Truck got into it, so he was gone, and it was kind of like tensions between us died down because we hooked back up and started playing again in 2010 and everything seemed natural, like it should be this way. All of the music we wrote was really fast and easy to put together. We all had the same focus and direction, very little conflict in writing, like it used to be when we first started Habit Of Force.

some bands that I have worked with are really cool and really want to work with you, and there are other bands who are kind of like, I hate to say two-faced, but totally are. It really depends which band you work with.

And it seems the trust factor is gone for a lot of bands, because they’re so used to getting screwed over by other bands.

Once again, as a fan everything seems polished and glamorous from the crowd, but would you say beyond the drama, there’s also politics in the rockn-roll scene?

Oh yeah, definitely with venues like Pop’s and the old Pool Room in Illinois, it’s all politics. Hey, it comes down

Speaking of this show, it’s a pretty sweet deal for $10, which includes the ticket and all the beer or wine for those 21 and up, correct?

Correct. The ticket includes beverages for the whole night... to who you know, and name drop time, and saying, “I can pull this many people.”

And like Pop’s, I see them draining these local bands, and it’s not just Pop’s, a lot of other venues are doing this too.

What separates this release for HOF from others?

This album, honestly, is the most dynamic album we’ve ever done... and the most dynamic album I’ve ever done, period! We’ve definitely reached all of our influences. And there’s stuff in there influenced by Ted Nugent, Pantera, Double Driver... it has a wide variety.

Let’s talk about the “Raise ‘Em Up” video on the Band’s website. I’m watching it as we speak. It’s a very solid video, song writing, performance, and production wise.

Well, that’s one I really can’t answer because that’s when Jason stepped in. “Raise ‘Em Up” was originally written differently and that was right before I left the band. You’ll have to talk to Big Truck about that video.

So what brought you back to Habit Of Force?

I have to honestly say it was just timing, because I was playing with Ockum’s and Death Sky in St. Louis for about two years. With Ockum’s, it was just writing differences, not wanting to do the same kind of music... and with Death Sky, it was some personal issues, so I kind of let that project go. And at the same time Jason from Habit Of Force said there were some internal

12

We could run on this topic for hours, so let’s change course. Let’s talk about the new CD release show you guys are having on May 13th at Maryland Heights Community Theatre. It looks like it’s going to be one hell-of-a show, including the high school band Make Mad The Guilty.

Oh yeah, we’ve got to keep them motivated, kick ‘em in the but some more.

And your step son is in Make Mad The Guilty, right?

Yeah, DJ. We wanted to give them a shot, he’s been talking about getting in a band for the last two years. So, it was like, “Hey, if you really want to do it, then here’s the offer... it’s a way to get started, get your foot in the door, and see what it feels like to actually play a show.”

And Dj’s mom, Yvonne, has helped by taking him out to hang fliers, and sell tickets.

So, let’s talk about this new album that’s coming out, the band’s new CD release this May...

Yeah, we’re doing a Chicago release on May 7th and then a St. Louis release on May 13th.

Speaking of Chicago, you live in St. Louis while Habit Of Force is based out of Chicago, so you spend a lot of time on the road traveling to practice and perform. What is that like?

Honestly, I enjoy it. It’s like a mini vacation every month to get out of St. Louis and go to Chicago.

their keep. I mean you can’t just sit around and do nothing and expect that the club owes you now. That’s totally the wrong attitude. I mean, if you go out and prove yourself as a band over and over again, yeah, the club should cut you a break eventually.

Well, there always seems to be drama in the band scene, wouldn’t you say?

Oh yeah, there’s always some stupid little thing. Most of the time it’s a lack of communication.

As a fan, it’s easy to sit back and watch the show and think everything’s perfect between the members, the illusion of the great rock-n-roll lifestyle... so that’s not always so?

No. It’s not always that way. I mean there are some bands that kind of feed off that drama, and there are bands that have drama but they kind of keep it on the down-low, because they want to have a good show and want their fans to enjoy the show and have a good time. And for me, that’s what it’s all about, playing good music, getting the fans into it, having a good time, no drama, making it a party night. Every show should be a party night.

Changing topics, what do you think about the Metal scene in St. Louis?

I think it depends on what band you’re working with.

Every band has a different take or outlook. I mean,

The hot topic amongst a lot of bands today, across the country, not just here in St. Louis, is the Pay to Play system being imposed on the bands.

Having traveled a good deal, would you say that’s common in this area?

Yeah, I’d say that’s common, especially for the larger venues. In their defense, I’m sure they’ve had bands come in and promise big crowds and then nobody shows. I know selling the tickets is a precaution, because some bands have screwed over some of these clubs.

Let me put you in the hot seat, then. What’s your personal take on Pay To Play?

Honestly, I think it’s something that’s never going to go away... it’s basically drama. The problem is some bands don’t want to do the actual work of going out and promoting for themselves... now some bands do it, but some bands don’t...

Well, on that level, when local bands are required to purchase their tickets and resale them to friends and fans, shouldn’t the venue have some kind of obligation to promote the show too, not just the band? That seems to be part of the issue, wouldn’t you say?

Oh yeah, definitely yeah. Bands definitely have to earn

It’s also an all-ages show. And what does that entail?

Well, it’s free admission for kids 10 years-old and under. And all ages means everyone. I mean, if they want to bring their eight year-old out, they are more than welcome to.

That’s great, man. And I think when bands do allages shows like this it’s a great way to introduce the younger audiences to heavier aspects of rockn-roll, which some critics say is dead... what do you think about that?

I have to disagree with that one. I don’t think it’s dead at all. I mean, I see the same turnouts at Blues shows.

I think everyone is having a tough time right now and with all the stuff that’s going on with the economy right now, you know getting laid off and not have the extra money to go out and party every weekend.

Getting back to the show, what can someone expect from this show?

Honestly, from Make Mad The Guilty, I’m not for sure.

But all the bands on the bill are a good bunch of guys, a lot of them are party guys. And I think it should be a very exciting show, and a really fun show too. We got a lot of variety of music that night and a lot of talented bands on the bill.

Alright then, last question. Where can I find more info on Habit Of Force and this show?

The best place to start would be voodoomanagement. com, Yvonne has everything updated there. And we’ll be doing an after party that night after the show...

myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

Dust And Bones Rock And Roll Show

Saturday April 16th * Ghost Town Hangmen (Psychobilly/Rockabilly From San Jose, Ca) * Hard Money Saints * John Hamhock & The Rooster Run Band * Repo Men @ Tony V's Garage - 1712 Hewitt Ave, Everett 21+, 9Pm, $5 Tuesday April 19th * Barrio Tiger (Ca) * Cake And Bowls * The Coloffs + Guest @ The Funhouse - 206 5Th Ave N - 21+, 9Pm, $5 Thursday April 21st * Rucker's Tomb * Agent 86 (Las Vegas) * The Americommies * The Greengoes @ The Funhouse - 206 5Th Ave N - 21+, 9Pm, $5 Friday April 22nd "Brady T Stallion's Birthday" * Koozbane * Agent 86 (Las Vegas) * Mind Candy * Deathlist 5 * Can't Complain @ Tony V's Garage - 1712 Hewitt Ave, Everett 21+, 8Pm, $5 Tuesday April 26th * Scheisse Minnelli (Germany) * The Assasinators * Vile Display Of Humanity + Guest @ The Funhouse - 206 5Th Ave N - 21+, 9Pm, $5

Local Chaos, Motor And Kgrg's Zorch Radio Present: Saturday April 30th 7Th Annual "Seattle Psychobilly Brawl" * Henchmen * Graveyard Shift * The Load Levelers * Hard Money Saints * James Hunnicutt * Total Wreck * Repo Men * Angie And The Car Wrecks * Whiskey Tooth Also Circus Sideshow Stunts Performed By Noel Austin's Phreaks And Burning Hearts Burlesque!!!

@ Motor - 1950 1St Ave S (Sodo) All Ages/ Bar With Id, Doors @5:30Pm Show At 6Pm, $15 Or $12 As A Zombie Friday May 6th "Benefit Show For Sensible Washington And Dirty Dave's Birthday Bash" * Rat City Ruckus * 13 Knots * Spinalcracker + Dj Alphamullet @ Darrell's Tavern 18041 Aurora Ave N (Shoreline) 21+, 9Pm, $5 Saturday May 7th * Three Legged Dog * Can't Complain + Guest @ The 2Bit Saloon - 4818 17Th Ave Nw, Ballard 21+, 9Pm, $5

Seattle, WA

Astrovan At Club Motor Seattle, WA

These pics of Astrovan are from a show at club Motor that Cleo Petra and I (RJB Photo) were doing a live photo shoot during the show. We were shooting pictures of scantly clad girls with a vintage BSA motorcycle throughout the show for our magazine we are selling, Pin-up Quarterly, Seattle's Girly Magazine! But as Astrovan hit the stage, I knew I needed a quick break for all the bodacious female bodies on the bike and grabbed my camera and ran up to the front of the stage to shoot this kick ass band!... WOW, talk about a high energy flow of killer tunes!

They seem to combine various elements of blues, classic rock, and metal to create one hell of a unique sound! The entire audience at club Motor was in for one nice long set of sweaty hot, rock-n-roll music from this local Seattle band!...

As for me, I had to drag my butt away from the front of the stage and back to my photo set with my next stunning model, Tamera Von Tart! See her, as well as many other delicious babes in our next issue of Pin-up Quarterly, Seattle's Girly Magazine! Friend us on face-book to find out more info!

Sleaze Rawk Ain’t Dead CD Release Party @ Pops Sat Mar 12 - review by Malice - photos by Rabid Rabbit We got there a little late, but fortunately our buddy Shawn Telkamp (Vendetta Sonata, I know you’ve seen his band, or if you haven’t, you’ll soon remedy that) was holding a couple chairs for us front and center, as the place was packed! We got there just in time to see Rocker Lips from Kansas City hit the stage. I was thrilled to see a 3’ drum riser, promises of showmanship yet to come. I was not disappointed, either. Before the end of the set, he was shirtless – and what an inked up display he was! Enthusiastic pounding will always grab my attention, but this was a little extreme. In fact, I thought the bass drum was going to lay me out dead cold on the floor. My heartbeat was keeping up with his drum beats and I thought I was having a stroke. I think I might be getting too old for this kind of excitement, but I have my trophy drum stick. I couldn’t just leave it laying there on the floor right in front of my table, now could I? The next band was totally unexpected, Bare Knuckle Conflict. This hard-core metal experience came complete with a pet freak/stage prop sportin’ a gas mask and dreads who was moshin’ with the kiddies in the “nursery pit” (these kids were TEN, maybe TWELVE years-old....I don’t get it.). I’m not especially fond of hard-core metal with unintelligible lyrics and excessive howling and shrieking – again, I’m gettin’ old and it’s painful, and I truly want to understand WHY the boy is so angry. But this band is fun to watch. And the singer, Dirty Rocker Boy in a tie, I confess, I do like to hear him scream (are there words to that song? Doesn’t really matter, I’m feelin’ it, the energy, his drive). The rest of the guys look scary dangerous, up to no good, like Freak Boy in a Mohawk and Rasputin Reincarnate – my kinda band, right? They did do an impressive acoustic song that I really liked. I would go see them again on purpose, and soon I hope.

But the reason I’m here is the Dust And Bones Cd Release Party. They even thanked me in their liner notes for making them look better than they are... thanks so much, guys, but I have to be honest here and say that with this band I did not have to embellish the story! Even my husband doesn’t mind too much,, me dragging him out to an all ages venue for a good dose of Sleaze Rawk and the Eyecandy that such a band attracts;) The Boners’ fans are gorgeous, leggy blondes – spunky gals who love to dance. The cover girl Samantha was out struttin’ her stuff, too – everybody was out on the dance floor.

This band has been a Sinner Favorite from the very first show I caught (“Off The Beaten Path” was my 1st story about them in The Sinner then later on in “Something Wicked This Way Comes” when they opened for Platinum Rose at The Library.).

Their sound has come a long, long way from being a fun-time, party cover band, evolving into a radio friendly, summer time anthem, grass roots, solid rockand-roll SOUND. They deliver as promised, from the first song to the last. They launched into my personal favorite, “Alice’s Wonderland”, sirens wailing and every-

thing., The words “cocaine eyes and a pirate’s smile” swim around in my head all day long, in (M)alice’s Wondeland. And to watch Sean perform unspeakable acts with his guitar is the whole show for me. “Shut Your Hole” is fun, rude, and crazy. Songs like “Set You Free” and “Tongue In Cheek” will inspire you to install a stripper pole in your basement and try out your best moves.

Two of the BEST songs are “Big Dawg’s”, a haunting melody that you’ll find yourself humming in the middle of the day, and “Rock And Roll Show”, which has a classic anthem sound. In my mind’s ear I hear it on car radios blaring from open windows all over town. This was the first time for them to play it LIVE, and they brought down the roof! Another great song is “Tulips” (or No Time for Roses, I thought the name was), and they played “She’s On Fire”, their first single from their first CD, sounding better than I’ve ever heard it. “Better Off Without Me” has a harder edge than most of their others, but they’re at top form on this one, LOVE IT. “This Is My Love Song” is what I would consider a summertime anthem, bringing to mind scantily clad hotties swarming the dance floor and the beaches. Nick’s harmonica work is what sets this band apart from your everyday average rock band.

They’re a little more polished, a little smoother, and their showmanship is remarkable. They “didn’t bust their ass for 15 years for 15 minutes of fame” as they will tell you in Rock And Roll Show and they’re no one hit wonders, you can bet that!

They’re headed for Nashville to play The Muse in April. Best of luck on the road, Guys!!

BOO YAH Malice In WonderLand

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Raising Hell With Guitar Doug

Hard Money Saints

Jack comes out swinging about problems within the Seattle rock system and what he labels a few greedy club owners.

“Nothing will ever solve the greed of some club owners, but I do think if more bands would take a similar approach to what we’ve been doing, it might create more of a demand for quality entertainment, by both the clubs and the fans.”

Hard Money Saints is Jack Rainwater on guitar and vocals, Armando Nienhuser on bass, and Nich Scott on drums. The band describes their sound as “Motorhead meets Johnny Burnette“, but in most Seattle music circles they are considered a rockabilly band, which Jack Rainwater explains in the interview below is not exactly accurate, especially to the rockabilly purists. Those folks tend to want to dance and gravitate toward bands like The Black Crabs, Roy Kay, The Rainieros, and Marshall Scott Warner. Hard Money Saints fans tend to be a crosssection of people from a wide variety of musical tastes.

Hard Money Saints is a band my regular readers might find unusual for me to be covering here, because I tend to feature the heavy rock groups and punk bands.

But the truth is, they are such a crossover band, they are just as ingrained into the rock and punk scene as the rockabilly scene. “More rock n’ roll, than rockabilly” is how Jack described the band to me.

In fact, they are the only band you will see on a bill with country-tinged acts like James Hunnicutt, or rockabilly bands like Billy Dwayne and The Creepers one weekend, then on a bill with punk and rock bands like The Badlands and The Hardcount the next. They slip in and out of totally different scenes, playing a style that is about as stripped down as you will find, with emphasis on song writing and playing technique rather than putting on any sort of over the top show.

The reality is, a rock band can put on the eye liner and pull out every corny prop and gimmick there is, but if they don’t have the chops to back it up, the rock club regulars see right through it. Hard Money Saints has none of that, which is a major part of their appeal. They just play a well rehearsed rock n’ roll set, without a bunch of theatrics thrown in you don’t need and nobody cares about.

When I asked guitarist/singer Jack Rainwater what he wanted to get into in this story, he mentioned something that is considered taboo to talk about for a working band, especially in Seattle. The fact that many Seattle rock bands feel they are getting the shaft in terms of pay and are not willing to play as many local shows these days. Some blame the clubs, some blame the bookers, and some blame an over-saturated market, but more and more you find bands abandoning ship and headed out of town.

One of the clubs Jack gives his stamp of approval to is Club Motor. Hard Money Saints with be playing this years Psychobilly Brawl on Saturday April 30th, hosted by our Local Chaos productions, and I would like to see all my readers at that show.

That bill includes Henchmen, Graveyard Shift, The Load Levelers, James Hunnicutt, Total Wreck, Repo Men, Angie and The Car Wrecks, and Whiskey Tooth.

Noel Austin’s Freaks will be bringing the circus atmosphere and the lovely gals of Burning Hearts Burlesque with be performing. This night is going to be more fun than a barrel full of monkeys, so I hope to see you all down there.

A couple of other shows Jack asked me to mention are at The Yuppie Tavern in Totem Lake on April 22, Darrell’s Tavern May 13th, and Jack Solo with his dobro on the evening of May 21 at the King Kat Theatre for Rock Out ALS acoustic night.

Now, let’s see what Jack has to say about the club scene in Seattle and find out what the boys in Hard Money Saints have up their sleeves. Thanks to Jack, Mondo and Nich for putting this bad boy together and thanks once again to my good friend RJB for taking the time to shoot the poster and other photos for this story.

What do you make of the rock scene in Seattle?

Jack: Some people have noticed that Hard Money Saints

haven’t been playing as many local shows as we used to and we have a ton of reasons for it. Like, when a venue charges small bands an exorbitant room fee, or takes the door persons, or sound man’s pay out of the door. This is the case in most urban centers and often results in low, or no pay for the bands, and in my opinion amounts to pay to play.

With the exception of exclusively all ages venues, the bands shouldn’t be paying the staff.

A few smaller bars in the area have gotten the message and give the bands 100% of the door. The bands are the ones who bring the people, who consume the liquor. Many clubs in more outlying areas and smaller towns don’t even charge a cover and pay on an average, five to ten times what you typically walk out of a Seattle bar with.

Over-saturation is another reason we’ve backed off. We’ve played a lot here and all of our friends have seen us plenty. On any given night, there are so many shows in competition for the same audience, that no show is well attended.

Recently, we opened for a bigger touring act in town and an even bigger similar act was ten blocks away. Plus, two other bars were featuring rockabilly bands that night.

What is the solution?

Jack: Nothing will ever solve the greed of some club owners, but I do think if more bands would take a similar approach to what we’ve been doing, it might create more of a demand for quality entertainment, by both the clubs and the fans. It also spreads the love around to areas where people might not get exposed to as much good music.

I mean, how many nights a year can you play the same venue, or even the same town?

A bit of organization among the bands might also help. I hate when we’ve had a show on the books for three months and all of a sudden someone decides to book a conflicting date a month out. Then, everyone is screwed.

It’s a complicated issue, though.

Honestly, were are spoiled around here when it comes to music. Almost any night of the week, you can catch a big national act, really good jazz, a country band, or whatever.

Seattle is a music town and the people who live here have a great nightlife, but many people have become complacent, because they can just walk out the door any night and be entertained.

Are there any music venues you can name in Seattle, that you feel give the bands a fair shake?

Jack: Honestly we’ve had great shows in just about every club in Seattle, but there are a few favorites. I think the Shanty is cool and of course the folks at Club Motor are down to earth and fair to the bands.

Darrell’s Tavern is also doing a good job and in Ballard The 2 Bit gets my vote. We’ve had some good shows at El Corazon as well. We’ve kind of stayed out of most of the other rooms lately.

It’s tough to watch bar owners who put bands first like Tony V’s up in Everett struggle to make it, or Tony

Winter from Winterland in Bremerton, who put people first, but had to close his doors. It’s s delicate balance I certainly don’t have the answer.

Mondo, what’s your background with the bass?

Mondo: I bought my first upright in 2002 and taught myself how to play on my front porch playing along with CDs of my favorite music. My first band was Billy Dwayne and

out well, I’d say.

Hard Money Saints draws a rock and punk audience and is routinely booked on bills with those type of bands, though it’s considered a rockabilly group.

How do you explain this?

Jack: Many people, purists mainly, will tell you that we don’t even play Rockabilly music. I’ve always maintained that rockabilly in its inception was an amalgam of styles; Country, Blues and Bluegrass, so it only follows that over 60 years or so, different styles would attach themselves to the genre.

At the very least the term rockabilly is a moving target. I believe our diverse influences are what draw a more diverse crowd to us.

For instance, it’s hard for me to hide my years of playing metal when I do a guitar solo. Nich cut his teeth on punk and it shows in his drumming, while Mondo has played in a lot of rockabilly bands. It’s obvious in his playing that his influences run deeper.

We don’t deny these influences when we write or play. We also tend to have a more frenetic rock or punk energy on stage, which brings a more diverse audience.

There’s a trade off, though. The folks who like to swing dance tend to prefer more traditional bands and we get the rockers.

We also do quite well in areas where there is no rockabilly scene per say, because the audiences in those areas are more into rock and roll, than any particular aesthetic.

What is the biggest misunderstanding people in Seattle have about the rockabilly scene and why?

Jack: Well, I think a general misconception might be that rockabilly fans are elitists, who look down their noses at people who don’t have the right haircut, or pair of jeans.

Another, is that it’s a big sock hop nostalgia thing.

You know, “Hey look, it’s Elvis” or “hey Fonzie”. There are other misconceptions as well regarding sex, race and politics that I won’t get into but, by my experience, it’s as diverse a group as you’ll find.

The Creepers. Along with The Creepers I’ve done a number of shows with Little Ray and The Uppercuts and Knut Bell and the Blue Collars. I started playing as a backup bass man for HMS around 2005 and have been in the band ever since What can you tell the readers about your background, Nich?

Nich: Well. I started playing drums on my sister’s friend’s drum set when I was around 11. I traded my brother’s motorcycle for a drum set shortly after that and needless to say, that didn’t go over so well.

I joined a jazz band in middle school, along with marching band, but never learned to read music. I just remembered patterns and created beats. I played in and out of punk bands throughout middle and high school.

After high school, I was the lead singer for Seven For The Kill. After that, I put music on the back burner and worked to fund my hot rodding obsession. I had been a big fan of Hard Money Saints for years before joining the band, and played a pickle bucket as my audition. Worked

Would you say, Rockabilly bands are not getting the press coverage they should in Seattle? Also, what are some of the Seattle bands you personally like.

Jack: Well, all of my friend’s bands of course! Honestly, some of the local bands I really like that maybe getting less press are the Greengos, an awesome skate punk band from the Everett area I really like. And Zero Down, which happens to feature a member of another band I like, The Shivering Denizens.

I really like what Uncle Doodad is doing with open tunings and slide work, and you can’t forget my dear friend James Hunnicutt, who is one of the most talented musicians and song writers in the Northwest.

Lately, we’ve been playing a few shows with Hot Roddin’ Romeos and I like the direction they’re heading.

The Hilltones are a cool band too in the rockabilly vane. Moses is a really fun guitar player to watch.

As far as the rockabilly music scene not getting as much attention as it deserves? Frankly, I’m not sure it wants any more attention. ha-ha.

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A

fter we released our Christmas single December 2nd, 2010, the show offered us local radio play and it swelled up on us like a tsunami. We have been playing tons of shows.

That is ok with us since it is our favorite part of the music business, plus the crowds have been getting bigger and bigger. We originally had plans to stop playing in April but cooler and cooler shows kept coming up that we just didn't want to turn down. Our plans were to stop playing shows and focus on doing a full length record and release it the way we have always wanted to do - no shortcuts. The shows kept coming and the same with new songs. We keep pushing it back further and further with plans to hopefully get in the studio early June and release the CD in

Big Wheel Stunt Show has been working on several new songs since returning from Austin’s SXSW Music Festival in March and are making plans to return to the studio to punch out a follow-up to their current release, “Cheetah Milque.”

The band will be performing in Kirkland at the Yuppie Pawn Tavern May 13th and Olympia’s 4th Ave Tavern May 21st supporting the Rikk Beatty Band album release. They will also host a Tacoma Hempfest after party June 25th at the New Frontier Lounge in Tacoma, with Mahnhammer and Argonaut. Another late-summer tour of the South is in the works.

August. When the CD comes out we are going to hit the road and do a small tour down to Las Vegas and back. When we get back from that our hope is to release a 2 song 7" with an original punk rock duet and on the "B" side add a cover of "don't you want me".....we need to find a female punk singer with a perfect voice to match.

In the same session we hope to do a second Christmas song.

These photos were taken on 1-21-11 at Beerland in Austin, TX during my tour with The Goddamn Gallows (Detroit, MI)) and Jayke Orvis and The Broken Band(Pittsburgh, PA). I opened each night doing my solo set, played guitar with Jayke as a member of The Broken Band and then sat in with The Goddamn Gallows on guitar each night. It was a super fun tour with triple duties for me in the rock department.

Upcoming news: I will be on tour in June (East Coast) with Rachel Brooke & will be on tour with Jaye Orvis again in July (South/South East). I’m also going to be playing some big festivals this year.

I’m also doing a CD release show on 4/29 in Rock Island, IL for the release of “Danielle Colby American Pickers TV show Presents - The Artists of Farmageddon”.

The 7th Annual Psychobilly Brawl on 4/30 at Motor. Heavy Rebel Weekender (North Carolina- 4th of July Weekend). The Muddy Roots Festival (Cookeville, TN Sept 3rd & 4th- Features Don Maddox, Wayne Hancock, The Goddamn Gallows & tons more).

I’ll also be recording my 4th solo album with Andy Gibson (Hank III) in Nashville this year entitled “A Heart to The Grind Stone” & should have it released by the end of the year :-) My other 3 CDs are all available on CD Baby, iTunes & through Farmageddon Records website at newrootsorder.com

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St Louis, MO

Bitching with Buddha Lu c i fe r

I

have been sooo busy, busy, busy these many days and months. I am a consultant to Omar Qaddafi on Public Relations. He’s having a little misunderstanding with his subjects. They don’t seem to get that if he’s stepping anywhere it’s on their collective backs. He loves his people, especially the youth, so we are taking a tough love approach to this “uprising”. Spare the rod, spoil the child, don’t you agree?

I’m also an economic advisor to the Republican Party. Let’s run that government into the grown, that’s my philosophy. What? You thought the two largest deficits created by two Republican presidents, Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush, where accidents? You don’t think that either of these guys knew how to balance a check book? Run it to ground so the only thing left to do is dismantle the thing. You are still (fucked) stuck paying for the debt, probably for the rest of your life. It’s kind of like your college loans or Visa debt in that you can’t kiss it off by going bankrupt. God knows, this debt isn’t being saddled on the backs of us rich folk or the Multi-nationals.

(Not that he cares, economics was my creative thing not His) I mean, have you been paying attention? GE paid ZERO taxes. Not only that, but made 2 Billion in tax refund. You think the other Banks that got you into this financial mess, “recession”, are paying taxes? God, I am good, and by that I mean, I am very bad.

Look. I think its time you accept that this two party system isn’t working. You people are getting screwed right and left. It’s virtually a one party system that willingly spreads its ass cheeks to the highest bidder. A one party state of and for the super rich. There’s a name for it as there is a name for everything and maybe someday I’ll look it up for you. Either the Christians hi-jack the Republicans or it’s big business. I don’t think the Bible thumpers really wanted to bailout the banks nor did the lefties who would have rather spent the money on other touchie-feelie stuff. I can think of several parties just off the top of my head. The Crazy “you are all going to Hell” Christian Party. The Godless “no we’re not cause there’s no such place” Lefty Party. The Rich “everybody’s a whore” Fat Cat Party. The Tree Hugger “Conserve water by not flushing” Party. And the All Nite Party running on the platform of legalizing gambling, whoring and Pot. That’s me telling it as it is, Lucifer, Prince of Darkness, etc...

If you want to talk to God, see a psychiatrist, or email: god@theseattlesinner.com. To intercourse with the dark lord Lucifer, drink a bottle of Everclear, or email: lucifer@theseattlesinner.com.

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Jim Morrison’s Adventures in the Afterlife

by Mick Farren - St. Martin’s Press, 1999

Review by Emily Eufinger In this acid trip of a book, Mick Farren fictitiously chronicles the post-mortem misadventures of The Doors front-man Jim Morrison, his best friend Doc Holliday, and Aimee and Semple McPherson: “sisters” who were the same person lifeside.

The topic of the Afterlife is quite an undertaking, even for the bravest writers. Braver still is to take recognizable historic figures and attempt to write their internal monologues, motivations, and actions. These characters are quite out of their comfort zones, where a person’s decisions can often surprise even themselves.

If ever an odd pair were imagined, it would be the free-thinking philosopher-poet Jim Morrison and half of the split personality of a phony faith-healing evangelist from the 1920s and 1930s. Whereas Aimee McPherson remains severely religious well into the Hereafter, Semple represents the “darker” half of the personality, and constructs a dusky mosquelike domain which Aimee views as a version of Hell to counterbalance the cartoonish Heaven of her own creation.

Naturally, it is the quasidominatrix Semple who Jim is destined for. Their story lines mimic each other, and they have more than one metaphysical encounter—while en coitus with other partners, the two somehow connect on another plane to share multiple orgasms—though the two don’t meet face to face until the last quarter of the book.

Less unexpected is the friendship of Morrison and notorious nineteenth-century gunslinger Doc Holliday. In life, Michael McClure cast Morrison as the frontier outlaw Billy the Kid in the film version of his play The Beard, implying that perhaps the living Morrison possessed an interest in the Old West. Both men were known for unrestrained drug use and scandalous behavior; and rumors surrounding Morrison’s death suggest him coughing and throwing up blood the night of his demise, similar to Doc’s TB symptoms.

The plot is launched by Aimee’s lack of creativity

review by Matthew Goad’X by

hampering her megalomaniacal desire to expand her empire into “The” Heaven of the Afterlife. Semple undertakes a mission to seek out an artist to help her sister, though her intentions aren’t exactly noble: “She’d find her a genius, but he wouldn’t be the kind to put Aimee’s precious Heaven to rights. She’d find her sister some utter bastard, and see how she liked them apples” (42).

Her quest sends Semple all over the Plane of the Afterlife: from a cannibalistic ancient Egyptian police state, to an anime Toon Town that somehow exists inside Godzilla, to the very depths of Hell itself: “a sink of terminal capitalism and wage slavery” (261).

Meanwhile, encumbered by a blotchy memory, Morrison is on his own journey— getting abducted by aliens, wading through Jurassic swamps infested with Viet Cong, robbing Satan’s highstakes poker game—with the gods of the Voodoo Pantheon pulling the strings, yanking the powerless poet from one spiritual plane to the next.

Farren is a very descriptive writer, utilizing imagery from Morrison’s songs and poetry, and he did his homework; the tale is rife with historical figures and pop culture references, and no names are random. When Semple encounters the brutal Dr. Mengele burning bar codes into peoples’ foreheads sans anesthesia, it can be reasonably deduced that the former Auschwitz physician had decided to continue his vicious life’s work posthumously.

Whatever the reader’s ideas on life after death or the lack thereof, this book certainly challenges … well, everything, taking the reader on an eclectic visual journey through a panoramic assortment of landscapes. The entertainment, and the chance to see inside the fictitious minds of several infamous deceased historic figures, is well worth the read.

Take the gentrified mythos of Peter Pan, and remove the morality of killing, while engaged in its arduous pursuit, and you will have some semblance of the dark nefariety that is The Child Thief. For generations we were led to believe in a Never-never land full of joy and optimism, tempered by the evil regality of Captain Hook and his crew, but with artist/illustrator Brom, we find a world where ancient legends meet the devil himself, in a variety of forms and guises. The world of Avalon, one that has survived intact, since the days of Arthurian legend, is kept alive through the blood of fairie, but that falls under assault, by the misunderstanding of two contra-positives of culture, engaging one another on a plane of brutal, violent action. The violence is spreading, and we are under its spell. The sway of a world crumbling, to be reborn, lasts through pages of bloodshed, honor and sacrifice to deities that have existed long before the spell of Christendom. Delve into this existence, with lavish illustrations of scene and character, both black and white, and in color, and you will meet the tendrils of an imaginative fiction so profuse, that it could very well bear some seed of fact, were it not to be fictional. Find yourself here, and know what it is to be one with all that is sacred, while deriding everything that is not.

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ARIES

SERIAL KILLER HORrOrSCOPE A

pril is a special month, one for dreamers and fools, those wild at heart. Your fortune this month is no exception. Famous dreamers share your sign, Al Gore, Christopher Walken and Hugh Hefner to name a few. But don’t get lost in the illusion of God’s will, that time is an ally not an enemy. If you do, you’ll die a miserable fool.

If chances are taken, and egos forgotten, I see you on a path of enormous opportunities. Well, you’ve been looking down that dark road for quite some time now, but frightened of where it might lead. Shake those fears. Take the leap of faith, eyes closed, no worries, no cares. I know you’re worried about what family and friends might think if you give up your prestigious banking position for a dream.

You can hear them saying, “You’re throwing your life away, have you lost your mind?” Your fear is understandable, but it’s time to sever it from your body and soul.

Yes, they laughed at you when you were younger, dressed in wild costumes and singing your favorites from the King and Bill Haley & His Comets. They laughed, and then pushed you somewhere you didn’t want to be; someplace you should never have been. There could have been million dollar record deals, the Hall of Fame even, if they had let you dance and sing your heart away. It’s not too late for a dreamer, for an Aries. That fortune still awaits you, if you so dare dream.

I know what really scares you, the reason you danced to your parent’s tune instead of your own.

They might find out. I feel you trembling with the mere notion of your secret escaping its closet. Yes, the closet. You’re gay, even though you like to use the term “bisexual” when thinking of yourself. It’s OK. Let it go. Dream the dream again, and be the superstar you were meant to be. Wear the costumes, sing and dance, be the man you are.

I know what you’re thinking, your not that young anymore. Your only about 5’7”, a little overweight, and a bit bald. And your name is as bland as Reginald Dwight. Take the leap, change your name to something flashy, and put on some fat glasses. Then write all those silly tunes in your head down and jump behind the piano again. I promise fame and fortune is only a key away. Who knows, maybe even something grander, Knighthood.

Come on, Aries, I hope you’re not that naïve. It’s April, you silly fool. That was the fortune of Reginald Dwight, or Elton John, another famous Aries. Quit dreaming about coming out of the closet and going on a rocket ride and start making plans to have yourself committed for all those sadistic thoughts that you harbor.

We both know where fame and fortune would take you, a free ride for murder.

No different than those other wealthy sickos who had murder swept under the rug with their power and money. That’s certainly not your fate, my silly Aries.

No. You know deep inside that you’re a sadist, a torturer, a murder, a cannibal. Someone who likes to shove needles through his crotch for self pleasure. Yes, a weirdo of great magnitude. I know that you wonder why you are here. So did Albert Fish when they pulled the switch on him, another infamous Aries serial killer that should have put on some goofy glasses and learned to play piano.

Disclaimer: For all you crazy, weirdos out there, this horrorscope is for entertainment purposes only. It does not in any shape or form depict any real characters or situations in your near future. So please don’t kill anyone. Killings bad, MmmKay?

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

For all you Sinners who made it out to our anniversary show on the 25th of March at The Crackfox, thanks for coming out and supporting the bands. And if you’re like me and can’t remember the entire evening and would like to look back at that night, go check out the photos we have posted at: www. issuu.com/stlsinner... and we look forward to seeing you all again next year, maybe even sooner!

www.issuu.com/stlsinner

Daniel Costello

Skin Deep with Stu L

Photography by LB Photography (LBfoto1@yahoo.com)

et me start by Saying that the purpose of this monthly column is to offer information and a personal view on matters involving body piercing and modification and is in no way meant to put myself above any other artist in the industry. Secondly, if you have a horror story and choose to share it with us, DO NOT give the name of the artist involved as I will just omit it anyway. There are many artists in the St. Louis and surrounding areas that deserve nothing but the utmost respect from myself and supporters of our shared profession. If you have a question about piercing/modification, a story, or just a desire to better understand the culture and would like that answered, please send them to: Stu@StuModifies.com.

Hey stu, what’s up? I was at your show at Stl Ink (Amazing btw), anyway your a super talented artist and everyone says I should get your opinion, so here it goes...

I have been considering getting my tongue split but I am not really sure how it works or what to expect. Also, I am not really sure how to explain why I want it either.... Can you help me to understand if it’s for me or not?

– Thanks, Alex Hey Alex, I remember talking to you a bit between running like a chicken with its head cut off hahaha! I’m glad you decided to hit me up about this and I’m sorry I didn’t have more time to speak to you in detail at the show, but I do remember talking to ya.

Tongue splits can be very challenging for people to commit to even if they have been wanting it done for a very long time. It’s not unusual for people to feel the way you are feeling now so don’t worry about it. I believe you were in your 20s and had been interested since a very young age, like 16 or something? Anyway, my point is it’s up to you to decide for yourself and no one can really help you to speed that process nor should they try... rushing is the father of poor decision making after all. I think, however, most people I have worked on have more felt the fear of permanently altering their body. That is not to say that tattooing yourself or getting piercings is not altering but rather to say that splitting the tongue is what really seams to make people fully realize what they are doing to themselves. I don’t think most people really trip off of getting pierced or tattooed in that way because it just doesn’t seem as dangerous.

Even when we do 3D modifications people are usually pretty calm but the tongue just throws it in a whole new mind set.

The truth is, it is a risky procedure like anything else. It is more evasive than a tattoo and less evasive than an implant, and the damage to the natural integrity of the tongue is nearly irreversible and the length of discomfort during healing is one that I personally simply would not want to put myself through. That’s just it though... it is a personal choice and a calculated risk. It is not dangerous if done correctly and well taken care of. It is relatively quick, too, considering, and I have not met a person who made a clear-headed decision to go ahead that didn’t absolutely love it after.

I think that in reality you and I should meet face to face again to allow us some more time to talk about you personally and get a feel for why you want it done or if you even truly do. Perhaps something else suits you better. Perhaps its the idea of getting a modification that is simply more evasive than the everyday stuff is what you chase... like a scar or brand or maybe ear pointing? No matter what you decide it is most important that the decision is truly yours because you are the only one that deserves to say so in your own body and you are the one that seeks to be comfortable in your own skin. I commend you for you being so smart about this decision and really taking some time. Oh yeah, and the stuff about not being sure how to explain why... don’t worry about telling others “why” lol. When people ask me “why” I have an implant in my hand or a magnet on my finger or “why” I suspend or “why” I have certain images on my body? I simply reply “why do you keep your hair that way?” Point is, people do what makes them happy and nobody really understands “why”.

So be you and enjoy being it, after all we are all just floating around the universe on a big fuckin’ rock anyway ;) Many props and much respect to ya.

Stu

All questions will be answered by email or by a request for you to call me directly and may be in the next issue of the St. Louis Sinner! Thanks for reading!

Stu (Myspace.com/StuModifies - Facbook.com/StuModifies) - Stu@StuModifies.com

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

The Surly Gourmand Devouring Slices of Misery so You Don’t Have To

The Volunteer Park Café The Volunteer Park Café is one of those cute-ass places: so cute it’s like a bug snugly nestled under a puppy’s ear. Actually a bug nestled in a puppy’s ear would be pretty gross, if it were a tick or a flea. This of course begs the question: what kind of pet owner are you, letting fleas and ticks nest in a newborn puppy’s ear? You disgust me, sir.

So let’s start over and say that Volunteer Park Café is as cute as a fight between a pixie and a Barbie doll. It’s tucked away in the sleepy and very swank northeast corner of Capitol Hill, near the restaurant’s namesake park, nestled in among million dollar mansions the way my cock nestles into your mom. Actually, the Volunteer Park Café is way more appealing than your mom. Besides, sex with a building approximates your mom’s vag anyway, so you might as well take the classier option and go to the Volunteer Park Café.

We started with the mini mac ($8), a name which in itself is totally fucking cute. I think Mini Mac was the name of that black midget in Bad Santa. This price got us a small ramekin of campanelle pasta, flecked with minced parsley and enrobed in a light and creamy béchamel. It was topped with a dusting of breadcrumbs which had been burnished a comforting bronze due to a stint under the broiler. This was savory and satisfying like a night in Bangkok, yet seemed as light and innocent as a day trip to Salt Lake City. Normally, mac and cheese is a fucking gut bomb capable of killing any hangover, but Volunteer Park Café’s iteration of this classic comfort food dish was so airy it probably counts as a salad.

Sweet potato and nettle pizza was, at $12, a pretty good deal for what amounted to a mediumsized pie. The name of this dish, however, doesn’t do it justice. Pizza purists would be likely to call you a fag if you suggested a pizza topped with sweet potato and nettles, but fuck those nerds. This pizza was superb: it was topped with cubes of roasted sweet potato, soft lobes of roasted garlic, and of course nettles. These last were scattered adrift the surface of the ‘za, and roasted to a crinkly and vegetal dark green. White cheddar had been baked into a biscuity and cheesy crust which tasted like a gougere. This was an unlikely flavor combination, but it worked: it was earthy and herbal, like a pizza topped with Earl Grey. Unfortunately for all of you assholes reading this, the sweet potato and nettle pizza was a special, so by the time you get down there it’ll probably be gone. Ha haaa, you bitches.

Wild boar Bolognese ($21) seemed at first ridiculously expensive for a bowl of pasta, but it was really tasty. Supple strands of fettuccine were served with a rich sauce of ground boar meat, with tomato, cheese, and lots of rosemary. If you’ve never tasted wild boar, I’ll describe it to you thusly: it’s like pork, but porkier, like if you were capable of turning up the volume on a pig. The wild boar Bolognese was delicious to the maxx. (Note: if some food you ate is sufficiently delicious, you’re allowed to spell “max” with two “x’s.” This is a little known provision of the Patriot Act that they just slipped in there). There was enough of it that I was able to take some home; unlike your mom, the pasta tasted better the next day.

Volunteer Park Café is known for its use of fresh ingredients and innovative flavor profiles. It’s great. The prices are a little steep: this place is in the middle of a bunch of mansions and they’re obviously trying to cater to millionaires. But the portions are pretty big. The wine list is generally affordable, although it’s not really to your advantage to order a whole bottle since it seems as though the price per glass is actually CHEAPER than buying a bottle. But if it really means that much to you, buy a couple of bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 and get drunk BEFORE you go to the Volunteer Park Café. That way, the money you save on wine can be spent on wild boar Bolognese and pizza with improbably gay ingredients.

Rating: 8.5 gay ingredients out of 10 The Volunteer Park Café is located at 1501 17th Ave E For reservations call 206-328-3155

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

by Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid

M

y mouth still tasted like an old shoe. Underneath the taste of blood, that is. Oh yeah, that part, the part I only barely remembered. I only remembered this sad faced girl on the street asking me for enough money to buy her a hamburger. ‘So I can go inside the McDonald's and get warm, you know,’ I remember thinking that I was going to be generous and that was because I'm a nice person and so lucky to have a little more money these days, because reading tea leaves was going well and I'd just gotten a new client.

So I opened my bag and....then I vaguely remember her eyes getting really, really wide and then her high pitched scream. After that, I woke up in this cell, in the King County Police Station, with one other person, who kept looking at me the same way the girl had, but with even more fear and a little glint of something like hope.

Maybe he hoped I'd go wild and free him from this cell, though I had no idea if I knew why he was in jail, if I'd have freed him, or how to open the door myself.

'So, you're really a..a...werewolf?' The guy's face was speaking, his mouth a ragged hole with crooked teeth in a dirty beard, with wild, drug-crazed eyes, all framed by what must have been the worst haircut in the world. I put my head in my hands and leaned back against the unfriendly, cold wall of the cell. My stomach threatened to lurch upward, but I took a couple of deep breaths and things settled, a bit.

'I'm just a very tired writer, who on the side does a bit of fortune telling, with a really bad hangover,' I said wearily. The guy laughed a screechy, coughy laugh and then started coughing like he had something awful. I tried not to breathe, not wanting whatever he had, but unfortunately, my body wasn't paying attention to anything I wanted, so I kept breathing, and hoped whatever he had wasn't something I'd end up in the hospital over.

'They said they found you....I heard them cops brought you in talking...eating a girl's face, in an alley downtown...' he trailed off, and that terrified look came back into his clear, blue eyes. I closed my own eyes and tried to remember more. Things were slowly coming back to me, in ragged pieces and the memories all seemed to be colored red, the color of blood.

I remember before I gave the girl the crumpled dollar from my wallet that I'd fished out of my messenger bag, an enormous hunger came over me. Something I'd never felt the like of before and I think I'd wanted to kiss the girl's pale, doughy face, then for no reason, I bit her on the lip. Then I bit more, until by the time red and light blinking lights shone in my eyes, I'd eaten her entire face off and was working on the tenderly veins of

her neck, her skull crunching in my teeth in a way that felt both strange and natural. The thoughts made me want to retch again, but again, I didn't. I ran my tongue over my teeth and that taste of copper and dirt came back. Guess the cops had pushed my face into the pavement after they'd caught me.... doing...what they said I did.

'Hey you, you, the cannibal over there, there's some folks here, a girl and a guy, to see you...' A policeman with a receding hairline and fat hanging over his gun belt was motioning to me, and behind him, two folks I recognized from a club I went to, came rushing forward.

'Tynan, Tynan! Oh great goddess, they didn't hurt you, did they?' It was Sym, the girl I'd called as my 'one phone call', when they brought me here. A tall, wiry, Asian guy with streaked blue and pink hair that went to the collar of his black 'Neo' jacket hung behind her.

The cop walked a short distance away from us and the look on his face told me he'd already convicted me and pulled the switch, and now these two just made him more determined to see it all

done and over.

'Nah, I've just been sitting here, trying to piece together what happened, and waiting. Who's he?' I pointed to the guy behind her, who ambled forward and took her hand shyly.

'A friend. He knows what happened to you and how to...how to...fix things...' The way she said that did more to make me worry, than to reassure me. The cop grunted, and I'm sure he was listening to every word and further condemning me. The Asian guy (I found out later, that his name was Tan, Tan Suzuki, and that he'd dealt with matters like mine before) reached his hand into the cell and I shook it. His grasp was surprisingly strong.

'You met a woman, a woman who was new at the club, a few weeks ago, right?'

Tan asked me, his dark eyes boring into mine. I nodded my head, more pieces of this puzzle coming back to form a completer picture in my mind.

'Yeah, she was something, just a bit strange, though,' I said, remembering a very pretty woman who

I'd danced with, then taken home for a night of anonymous sex (or so I'd thought when I'd driven her home from the club to my apartment). I do remember something like sex, but I also remember something else, something that made my blood run cold.

'She bit you somewhere, didn't she?' Yes, I remember that, and how I'd thought it was pretty kinky, even though the next day, the bite really hurt and then it turned into a big sore before finally just disappearing entirely. Then the strange dreams started; the ones where I thought I was some kind of animal, and the ones where she was feeding me what I thought was raw hamburger meat. I'd woke up with the spot where she bit me itching like crazy, and all my nerves on fire.

After a few weeks, I started obsessing about what it'd be like to actually bite someone like she'd bitten me.

Then, I bit that girl on the street.

'So, what am I, a werewolf?' Tan pulled out a little, silver box, opened it and put a pill in my open palm. The cop craned his head our way, but I guess he decided nothing untoward was happening, because he didn't bother coming over to investigate.

'Take this,' I looked at the little, green pill in my hand. I swear it moved, like it was alive, and I almost dropped it on the floor. Tan grabbed my hand with more swiftness than I'd imagined him capable, and closed my hand around the pill. 'Just take it. It won't hurt you, but it will fix this.' Sym stood behind him now, her brown eyes loving and supportive. She gave me a double 'thumbs up' gesture, so I swallowed the pill like Tan told me to.

I knew immediately that something was terribly wrong, but there was nothing I could do then, but fall to the floor, the poison, or whatever was in that pill, starting to make my heart beat a crazy dance that said I was done for. Sym and Tan were hugging and now the cop was running over to my cell, his gun out, but it did him no good, because before he could squeeze off a shot, Tan had just reached out and put a thin hand through the guy's chest.

'I told that bitch that we had enough 'new members' but she wouldn't listen, and now, look, I've had to take another innocent life,' His laugh and the unbelievable sight of him and Sym turning rapidly into the biggest, freaking dogs I'd ever seen were among the last sights I saw as a living being. Honestly, I'm glad things went dark about the time the two of them burst into my cell and started chomping on my cellmate, after eating the cop's heart. Sure wouldn't have wanted to clean up that mess, I thought as my brain cells shut my body down, a bit at a time, exonerating me, even as I died.

This, I Shamelessly Tell You

How I’m Learning to Enjoy The Little Things, While Reaching Out to Japan

by Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid

I

’m still smarting a bit after talking to a ‘difficult’ client. She has rat hour and I have horse hour in our Chinese charts (my slave/sweetie did both of our charts), which occasionally make for a bit of friction when she deals with the world at large. Nothing like being at a disadvantage with the world, as opposed to me, who, being horse, deals on the level of knowing the status of those around me and acting accordingly. I schmooze like a champion. She gets upset when she finds out that no, not everyone is family and that the world demands one to step up, and out of one’s comfort zone, and explore other possibilities. These thoughts go through my mind after she slams some Asian folk she’s dealing with, forgetting that my sweetie, the love of my life is Japanese. I sigh and forgive her momentary lapse.

Again, different charts, and charts that often make us not connect in a harmonious way.

So, why do I mention these mundane things, when the world seems to be on the verge of making those much hyped 2012 predictions come true? Probably because I’m realizing that there are many folks, who, like my client, don’t seem to get it that there’s trouble a’brewin’ cross the seas that could spell disaster for all of us. They’re so involved in whatever temporary problem is causing them grief, that they forget there’s a whole country that has it so much worse than any of us right now. I mean, which of us have to worry about where we’re laying our heads tonight, or tomorrow, or the fact that our whole city and everyone we loved is either missing or dead, and that a nasty, nuclear threat sits ready to make a horrid situation even worse? Are we having to pick through rubble to try to find even one tiny reminder of what life was before disaster struck? No, and no.

Me, I’ve started focusing on the big picture a little more, and saying I love you even more to my close ones and trying not to put people into boxes (like my unhappy rat client tends to do, when misfortune comes her way) or look at the world from blinders. I am trying to connect with everyone I know who’s Japanese and do what I can to let them know, that though I’m not Japanese, I care. I care and I want to help, in whatever I can. This is more important to me than any small misery I might be undergoing at the moment (though, lucky me, metal rabbit year is going so much better for me, than for my client), or the craziness in my building that’s being driven by out of control substance abuse.

Though that latter does take precedence, on occasion, as my neighbors have been acting like patients at an asylum who have not received their medicine for many days.

Every hot moment with my slave/sweetie, every sunny day, with cherry trees blooming on my street, every kiss in the supermarket by my very attentive slave/sweetie is an extra bonus toward me not thinking the world’s on the brink of ending. I treasure these things even more, knowing how much moments like this are in short supply over in Japan, or for that matter, in the Middle East, right now. I also intend to keep being friends with my ‘difficult’ client, trying, in my own, little way to help her see the bigger picture, and to come to treasure the good, more than the bad in her life.

This, I shamelessly tell you.

For all my fans in Japan, I heart all of you and wish you success rebuilding and recuperating from this awful disaster.

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

Think Outside The Cage with Kendra Holliday of The Beautiful Kind

What’s With the BabyInducing Black Hole?

Dear Kendra, My wife and I have been in a sexual black hole recently. We have a six-month-old baby who has effectively eliminated every bit of spontaneity from our lives. My wife wishes she were more sexual, and has agreed to make more of an effort. She suggested getting some porn, but neither one of us care much for traditional porn (fake boobs and high heels are not working for us). Any ideas? ~ Horny Dad Dear Horny Dad, Just so you know, your black hole is temporary. I was horny during my pregnancy, but then things took a drastic turn as soon as she was born. For a year or two I was exhausted, in pain, physically messed up. We’re talking cunt rippage/stitches.

I had to heal from my war wounds, and having a baby around did NOT facilitate the process.

Breastfeeding also killed my sex drive.

I was sad - I thought that was the way it was going to be from now on. It took a while, but I finally got out of that stage and am now fully recovered and hornier than ever. You can expect to put your sex life on hold for up to three years total when you add a kid to your life. (Yes, there was that swinger couple I knew that would put their 8 month old to bed and then have another couple over for some grown up fun, and yes the wife was in awesome shape, but they are mutant freaks and that is not the norm.).

Those stupid parenting magazines will tell you to set aside an evening a week to go out on a date, and while that is nice, it’s not enough. A weekend in some romantic setting would be a good start, but inevitably the time away is tainted by you missing the kid and feeling guilty for enjoying yourself. Do it anyway.

Until your black hole period ends, you need to figure out ways to cope. So the porn idea is great (props to your wife for being cool!), and I’m sure you’ve heard this before but it really does turn a woman on to find that a mess she was about to clean up at the end of the day has already been done, like a sink full of dishes or a basket of laundry.

Don’t You Get Jealous?

Dear Kendra, I read on your blog about how you were downstairs while your man was upstairs tying another woman up in your bedroom. WTF? Don’t you get jealous?? ~ Baffled Dear Baffled, One of my favorite quotes goes like this: “Jealousy is all the fun you think they’re having.” Some people have trouble trusting their new partner because their ex cheated on them. Some people think they can own their partner and not allow them to have friends of the opposite sex. Most people freak out at the thought of their partner sharing sex or intimacy with others. I think this is all unfortunate, but the truth is, I can relate.

I used to say I didn’t experience jealousy, but came to admit that’s not true (granted, I have a higher threshold than most people.) Any jealousy I have experienced is based on a bad relationship I had years ago – for six months, I was in an intense, open relationship with a young guy. I introduced him to a friend of mine and encouraged them to date, and one night he up and ran off with her and I never saw him again. It was a shocker all right. It turned out he faked his way through our relationship and we weren’t at all right for each other, but it took me getting dumped to realize that. A couple years later, I took up with an honorable man.

“Look, I’m not that phony idiot,” my partner told me when I explained why I was feeling freaked out during one of our open relationship experiments. But I wasn’t wholly convinced. How was I able to overcome my jealousy and work my way through it? By sitting down with my partner and having a heart-to-heart conversation.

I opened myself up to him and became vulnerable. I told him how I was feeling, even though it embarrassed me.

I felt weak and insecure.

You always hear that open communication is the key to making relationships work. It’s a tired cliche, but let me take it a step further and explain what that means: IT MEANS TALKING ABOUT THE EMBARRASSING THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT. IT MEANS TAKING A RISK. IT CAN EVEN MEAN SAYING THINGS YOU THINK THE OTHER PERSON DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR. I took a risk, and it paid off. My partner handled what I had to say with grace and compassion. And now that we’ve worked through the negative side effects of non-monogamy, we get to reap the invaluable rewards of being free to explore our sexuality with other people.

love@thebeautifulkind.com www.thebeautifulkind.com

SINNER

Got a sex, relationship, BDSM or fetish related question? Ask your local sexpert, Kendra Holliday, Writer & Editor of The Beautiful Kind, and Co-Founder of Sex Positive St. Louis.