St Louis Sinner

Issue 10 Nov 2009

Broken Promises UNMASKED!

Skin Deep With Stu The Sinful Works of

Virginia Harold

Fear & Publishing

News, Rants & Politics

Anniversaries & Aneurysms

4. Broken Promises

I was sitting behind the desk earlier this week with a whiskey in my dayold stamped-hand, internet out. It’s the last-minute/drunken publisher’s worst nightmare – communications down. It’s one thing to pass out behind the desk with a shaky stamped-hand, another to have the internet pass out before you. Shit like that the night before print causes aneurysms for the most seasoned publisher, and I’m hardly seasoned, even after seven years of this shit. Now I’m counting the clock as it flashes 4:30 am, three days behind and only three hours to wrap this gig up before our 7:30 am deadline. To make matters worse, the wife’s long-haired got sick, blew ass, and then decided to smear it all across the house before we could bathe him. So how do you make up three days of work in three hours? That’s a good fucking question, even for a seasoned publisher. Let one old amateur offer his spin.

Before the internet froze, my first thoughts were of seven years ago, when we first gave birth to this bastard. The goal was to create a publication that bleeds numerous ideas, opinions, rants, ideologies, and sinful bullshit with every intention of disregard to mainstream media and its PC format. Our foundation was a true voice, that if you were reading something in the weekly paper or watching it on the nightly news that you probably wouldn’t find that take in The Sinner, if anything at all. It wasn’t the most profitable idea, but it sure seemed like the right one!

A lot of shit has happened to us since those first days. But it still seems like only yesterday that we were driving across country, moving to Seattle from Tampa, Florida. I’ll never forget Mother Teresa behind the wheel asking if I would try to write for one of Seattle’s many independent publications after we settled in. As we left her brother’s house here in St. Louis, traveling west down some nameless-to-me highway in a stoned and drunken haze, I said, “Probably not, I think I’ll start my own paper.”

She laughed, asking, “Oh yeah, what would you call this paper?” I thought for a second, in that same drunken and stoned haze, and said, “The Seattle Sinner, bitch!” Mother Teresa didn’t care much for the “bitch” reference, but thought my heart and soul just might be in the right place – even if God didn’t agree.

Now some seven years later, we also have The St. Louis Sinner.

This was never intended, nor was sticking my tongue in Sid Haig’s ear during a photo shoot at Crypticon two years ago when he was in Seattle promoting his run for President of the United States – yeah, president.

It started with a simple question about his faulted immigration policy.

I thought I was too sober to speak, but I did, starting off with, “I don’t like to ask questions.” That one question began an all-out assault of questions from audience members, which frustrated Sid extremely. At one point, I even said, “Welcome to Seattle.” He returned the comment with a face as sinister as his words, “Well, that’s what the ticket I bought said.” When I asked for a shot with him afterwards, he said, “You know, for someone who doesn’t like to ask questions, you sure ask a lot of questions.” Perhaps we were both lucky that I wasn’t drunk enough yet to ask questions in front of such a huge crowd. If I had been, he might have chased me out of the building with a knife or machete that I was sure he had concealed under his coat.

I’ll admit that I don’t know much about professional publishing, marketing, editing or writing. I don’t know much about aneurysms, either, except for the time some rat-bastard told my Ex that his wife had died from one. That was his pick-up line – that, and the big check that he liked to say was coming in the mail from the hospital for not diagnosing her sooner. From what I understand, a lot of gals fell for that one – like my Ex, who he got pregnant. I guess I’m lucky we both survived that one.

After chasing this cockroach to his house with a loaded gun one night, I really can’t say what prevented me from putting a bullet in his knee then his crotch. Maybe it was divine intervention, but you get the picture. If I had made that fatal mistake, I wouldn’t be writing this today, or have met so many amazing people in two great cities – nor would I have ever stuck my tongue in Sid’s ear. But that was the booze a few hours later, the drunken publisher that would have really asked a lot of questions.

I guess I have once again rambled on, but that’s what drunken publishers often do. So when communications go down before print, and your cat smears shit all over the house, you either put a gun in your mouth and hope it goes bang or clean the cat and floor, then prop your head underneath an old fifth of Wild Turkey and hope to make gibberish out of nonsense – then call it good enough. And Death and I get closer to shaking hands everyday that I continue to push my body past its designed limits, without a bullet, like making up three nights of work in one 24 hour period. So that SOB can sit on the porch for now and wait. Sounds like fun, and I promise it is. So I say have a drink, bitch and moan, then move on to the next one – that, or get from behind the desk and see what Death has got scheduled in for later that afternoon!

I really wanted to talk about The Sinner’s future, but I can’t remember enough about the past tonight to make an accurate prediction of where this gig is going, or going next – other than Salt Lake City to fuck with a few Mormons. Thinking back on the past seven years, I thought we’d print something many of you have never read in The Sinner, “The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly”. These are some of our very first emails from year one. I hope you enjoy them as much as we did...

From Issue 12: Chuck, Well, here it is...

As I read the words that appeared across my computer screen in my bedroom at three in the morning, I immediately thought about the content of your newspaper and why I would want to run an advertisement in it.

WOW. Fucking WOW. I forgot to tell you how much I totally appreciate the fact that there is someone out there, putting something out that is not afraid to talk about the truth, much more interesting read than the ego and the capitalism that has been built up around the publishing industry that I see in general. Thank you for making a real difference.

Namaste, Bellial Darshan

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

From Issue 3 To the Editor of The Seattle Sinner: Well after being told you could not print my last letter in its entirety because it was too long ( I think you could not take the truth) I will make this short. Well Chuck I see you will sell out to anyone for a beer and a meal, I do not know where you think you are a republican at, but you are as liberal as you can get. I almost think and wonder are you GAY? Now your going to these places that have these sickos that do not know if they are a man or a woman. Your art page was a waste, Limey needs to do his home work on gun control before he opens his liberal trap. If he had done his homework he would know that there is more murder in cities with no guns allowed than in cities that allow guns, and it is our right under the Bill of Rights. You know this is America you big cry baby Limey. And the guy that did your poem is a Hate Monger or just dumb as a rock. Your Religious expert is again way of base about everything, I was surprised that you waited to page 5 to slam Christians.

But know your paper was laid out good again Adds versa Articles, and your review’s where okay on the books and movies and the lay out on Hendrix was Great, the only thing worth printing this time. And thank you for making all of us in the south seem like dumb Hicks ( YEP, YEP that’s US).

Well the only thing I would use the paper for this time is to start our fire in the swamp here so WE All can Cook some PIG Brains up for dinner. Oh and I see you sold out your dream to run a paper to some Lez Ben. Man! You are out there in the deep water and you are drowning, But I will pray for you and your city out there in the great North West. I can hardly wait to see what Anti GOD thing you will say about Christmas, take care and the I Hope you and Terri the Best over the holidays.

– I AM DR. Who From Issue 6 Read your article on new meter maid policy and I am visiting your city, sorry to say with the same bad experiences. I have had to retrieve my vehicle from impound 3 times since I have been in your city visiting family. My first encounter occurred from parking in an invisible crosswalk, even though I noticed others w/ Washington plates parking in the same place hadn’t been ticketed or towed. $180.00 later it made me more cautious of vehicle parking habits. Family & others had told me Seattle was a vehicle unfriendly city. A week later the same thing occurred in a different parking space others had advised to park in because no one had been towed on this specific street & location. $180.00 later the lady at Lincoln Towing told me it’s because of out of state plates. So $300.00 later buying Wa. State plates etc. I’ve decided to leave the state with my car before they have an impound auction of my car on the street to save the fuel of towing it again. Currently, because of distrust, I pay a lot $80.00 per week to park because it’s cheaper than a tow bill.

Very unhappy, violated visitor to your grey, unfriendly city. Leaving very soon with my dignity but not my retirement money. I hope Seattle uses it wisely.

– Margaret Marksberry And that is just another tale of fear and publising in two cities...

2. Fear and Publishing 3. Zombies Need Blood Too

5. Weapons of Mass Distraction 6. Piper’s Pit 7. Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness 8. The New Fred Astaire

Music, Film, Art & Entertainment 11. Huggy Talk 12. Haddonfields poster 14. On the Scene and Heard with Malice

15. Haddonfields Unmasked 16. Platinum Rose 17. Bully Jam: Riff Raff 19. The Sinful Arts of Virginia Harold 20. Art Potion

Religion, Sex, & Other Sinner Shit 10. Our Sinful Community

11. Huggy Talk

21. Skin Deep with Stu 22. An Atomic Halloween Photo Album 23. Dr. Dick’s Sex Advice 23. This I Shamelessly Tell You Publisher: Chuck Foster Layout: Terri Daniels & Danielle Correll Managing Editor: Brook Hatch Cover & toc Art : Virginia Harold Writers, Ranters, Opinionists & Other All-Out Freaks: Matthew Gorman Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid Saab Lofton Henry Nicolle Mark Taylor-Canfield Jeff Diggs Danielle Correll Kimberly Peters Joshua Merrit Dr. Dick Stu Chet Chesterson Buddha Robert Crisman

The Sinner is a group of contributing writers. Their opinions, rants and ideas do not necessarily reflect the views of The Sinner itself. The Sinner encourages contributions from its readers but retains the right to edit material due to content or length of submission.

For advertising or submission information, contact us at chuck@theseattlesinner.com.

Submission deadline is the 25th of every month.

The Loop - Oct 17th

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was walking the floor of some show at the beginning of October when a gal handed us a flier about a Zombie Walk.

Of course it sounded cool in October, so I tossed it in my back pocket and kept moving. The next day I discovered this wasn’t some theatrical performance or show for the next week, but a desperately needed Blood Drive for The Red Cross put on by St. Louis’ infamous team of Zombie Killers, The Zombie Squad.

These cats are known mostly for their security work at events like The Arch Rival Roller Girls (coming soon), but the group also does a lot for charity, especially

blood drives for The Red Cross. How could they not, they’re zombie hunters.

This day was much stranger than it may at first seem. It was the 10th of October, and not every passerby on the streets of The Loop was prepared for the sight of blood-drenched zombies passing out fliers. And the waist-high zombie eating a human leg didn’t seem to help their efforts with some. But the next week the blood flowed strong from their humble braineating efforts!

Kudos, Zombie Squad! Keep Killing!

Essay | Broken Promises

by Henry Nicolle “...that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights... that to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. – that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it... “ From The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America, July 4, 1776.

John Trumbull's painting, Declaration of Independence, depicting the five-man drafting committee of the Declaration of Independence presenting their work to the Congress.

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evolutionary words are these, intended to overthrow every government in the existing world. Words whose meaning perished with the lives of those who had penned them in a passion for Liberty. America, the “Cradle of Liberty” has become the grave for the remnants of respect for individual rights and the casket in which the dying glow of the torch of Liberty shall be buried.

It was no war, no conquest, no invasion of hostile forces which destroyed Individual Rights and the Liberty of free exercise of inherent Rights of Americans. The abandonment of rights and the demise of liberty were acts of suicide by the individuals of our free society. No foreign violence came to America to destroy our free society. None was needed, we have always been our own worst enemy.

The declaration by the founders of our society in 1776 demonstrated that they were intensely aware that the proposal that all men are created equal, bearing unalienable rights, inherent in unquenchable while they live was a concept departing from all Conventional Wisdom and customs of governing. Extending the concept of human equality and inherent rights to the concept of the purpose for government was a development which shocked the rulers of the world.

The trial and error approach to development of institutions which would preserve individual rights and liberty brought a hope to the common people of the world that perhaps thousands of years of dictatorial governance might yield to the liberty of self determination of both individuals and their societies.

The events and proclamations of our revolution have proven to be false hopes for humanity. We won our liberty by gunpowder, whiskey and blood. We gave it up again for the meager promises of free bread, free housing, free education and security from violence. In exchange for our liberty, we have accepted poisoned bread, vermin infested tenements, monumental ignorance and apathy and allowed ourselves to be disarmed and prevented from self-defense.

For the gold of our liberty, we have accepted ashes and troubles. When we are offered the return of our liberty, we panic and run. We are

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more comfortable with ashes and troubles than with the challenges of liberty and self-reliance.

Perhaps the human race is indeed created to be the servants of Masters. Perhaps reality is the other way around, creating Masters to rule Mankind. Whatever the truth may be, it is clear from our experience over thousands of years with various forms of government that liberty is not valued by the common man or woman. Ask our social engineers and they will tell you that liberty is not what we commonly believe it is.

What we experience is in their words, “structured liberty”. What they mean by “structured liberty” is that what we are free to do what they believe is acceptable for us to do and everything else that we might do is prohibited.

This concept certainly approaches the old saw about totalitarian environment in which anything that is not mandatory is prohibited. We Americans love this concept. The absence of real choice, makes daily life and future planning a piece of cake. Henry Ford may have said of his 1st production line automobile, “You can have any color, so long as it is black.” That was good enough for us!

Today we have choices that are limited by our rulers and we are satisfied that we are free to choose. We are free to travel (an essential individual liberty) and so we travel. Our choices are pedestrian, automobile, bus, train or plane.†\ But are those really free choices? There are no free choices because whether you walk or ride or fly, you must first acquire proof of permission to travel. So, in reality as a free man or woman, your only choice is whether or not to surrender your right to travel to the discretion of someone who will determine whether you are permitted to exercise your right or are denied the exercise of your right. You are certainly not going to travel very far without written permission.

You are not free.

The chains of our indenture lie so softly upon our liberty that we no longer notice that we are restrained from independent choice. The benefits that we believe we enjoy have secured our future in bondage.

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Untold Stories of US History, Part 2

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n the second part of my series on untold stories from US history, I have included a few individuals who deserve to be mentioned in any discussion of our nation’s heritage. Their personal stories embody amazing and often inspiring values that should encourage us all to live more meaningful lives full of passion and courage.

None of them were perfect beings devoid of all character flaws. But each one lived fascinating and sometimes dangerous lives in the pursuit of a larger cause. They were often ridiculed and treated unjustly by folks who just didn’t understand their dedication to the mission, but these people eventually received praise for their contributions to history. These men and women were alternatively famous and infamous.

I submit the following stories from our recent past for your enlightenment and enjoyment.

GENERAL JOHN ANDRE’ John Andre’ was a British officer who served as adjutant general of all British military forces in America during the Revolutionary War. He was convicted of espionage by a military court and sentenced to death by hanging. At the age of 49 he was executed by the American Revolutionary Army.

When a treacherous plot was hatched by American General Benedict Arnold to help British General Sir Henry Clinton takeover the fort at West Point, Clinton chose his personal aide John Andre’ to serve as his representative. Andre’ sailed up the Hudson River to meet with Arnold to discuss the conspiracy on September 21, 1781.

The next morning, American forces launched an attack on Andre’s ship. It was forced to retreat and he was left stranded onshore. Andre’ was able to make his initial escape behind the enemy lines and immediately headed toward safety in British controlled New York. His major mistake turned out to be the decision to discard his military uniform.

Of course, he knew he was much less likely to be stopped by American soldiers if he were wearing civilian clothing, but according to military law, an enemy combatant who was captured without a recognized military uniform could be put on trial as a spy.

If he had retained his stylish redcoat trappings, he would have been treated as an officer and a gentleman.

His British mentor General Clinton had informed him of this fact, but Andre’ chose to ignore his old friend’s warnings. Instead of being offered vintage wine and gourmet food, the expected favored treatment of a valuable prisoner, Andre’ was summarily executed.

General Andre’ had almost reached the British outposts when he was detained by members of a local militia. They conducted a search of his possessions and found the documents that Benedict Arnold had given

him. The American officer in charge of the area then immediately informed Arnold that his traitorous letters to the British General had been discovered. This gave Benedict Arnold a perfect opportunity to escape before the rest of the American military forces captured him.

John Andre’, however, was not able to escape. He was taken prisoner by the colonial army. But even his enemies described him as extremely witty, intelligent and charming. In the British army he was widely admired for his knowledge of literature and music.

The British commander, General Clinton tried desperately to save his life by appealing to authorities of the American army. But the Americans wanted to use Andre’s punishment as an example, presumably to deter any possible future conspiracies between Revolutionary Army officers and British military officials.

John Andre’ remained stalwart and courageous even while facing death by hanging. His execution was carried out on October 2, 1780 .

DR. MARTIN ROBINSON DELANEY Among his many accomplishments, the esteemed Dr. Martin Robinson Delaney received expert medical training from one of the most respected institutions of higher learning in the world - Harvard University. He practiced his medicine at an office in Pittsburgh during the mid 1800s.

Born in Charleston, Virginia, Martin Delaney also served as a Union army surgeon during the Civil War. He was the first African American to rise to the rank of major in the US military.

Before the war, the good doctor had already become well known as a leading social reformer. Delaney’s courageous public campaigns to end slavery and racial discrimination continued throughout his life.

In the years leading up to the Civil War he was instrumental in working with the “Underground Railroad”, helping slaves escape to freedom in the years leading up to the Civil War. As a journalist, Martin Delaney wrote strident articles for the abolitionist newspaper owned by Frederick Douglas – the North Star. Founded in 1847, the publication was based in Rochester, New York.

Delaney remained an independent voice and didn’t always agree with his fellow reformers. After the 1850s he began to question the “back to Africa” movement that many of his colleagues were promoting.

Delaney withdrew his support from national efforts to assist former slaves to immigrate to West Africa. He maintained that racial prejudice must be faced and overcome here in the United States .

LUCY STONE Lucy Stone was a woman far ahead of her time. This famous lecturer and activist was born in West Brookfield, Massachusetts in the year 1818. At a period in US history when few women attended college, Lucy was teaching school children at the age of sixteen, long before she ever set foot on a university campus. In fact, she taught school in order to raise money for her college education.

She was finally able to enroll at Oberlin College in 1843. As soon as she arrived, Lucy immediately joined an abolitionist group on campus. She earned her degree in 1847 and set out on the lecture circuit in the US and Canada, speaking out in favor of the universal abolition of slavery.

Lucy concluded that the institution of slavery and the oppression of women in society were directly related issues of liberation.

With this approach in mind, she began to combine the two subjects during her popular speaking engagements. Stone helped organize the first US national convention on equal rights for women. This event took place at Worcester, Massachusetts in 1850.

In 1869 Lucy Stone founded the American Women’s Suffrage Association, one of the most powerful women’s organizations formed at that time. Her major life’s goal seems to have been to secure the right to vote for women in the United States .

Stone was considered controversial because she was also probably the first woman in the US to refuse to change her last name after marriage. She also upset some observer’s sensibilities when she changed her marriage vows, deleting the word “obey.”

For many years after her marriage to abolitionist campaigner Henry Blackwell, the term “Lucy Stoner” was used to describe women who kept their maiden name.

BRONSON ALCOTT Bronson Alcott was the founder of a socialist co-operative community called Brook Farm. He was a major reformer and leader of the “transcendentalist” movement in the early 19th century. As a Boston Brahman, he operated the Temple School, an experimental learning facility that he directed from 1834 to 1839. His teaching methods were highly influential with educators who sought to assist students in developing a more all-encompassing, holistic approach to education. His curriculum was intended to address the physical, mental and spiritual development of each individual.

Along with the creation of his utopian socialist

written by Mark Taylor-Canfield community, Bronson Alcott also promoted vegetarianism by founding another experimental commune in the 1840s named “Fruitlands”. His personal political views were considered counter to many of the mainstream attitudes of his time.

Ever an iconoclast, Alcott joined with Mark Twain and Henry David Thoreau in opposing the US war on Mexico waged between 1846 and 1848. He was an outspoken critic of his country’s policy toward Mexico. Alcott claimed that the conflict was purely a land grab by the United States. As one of the leading spokespersons for the abolitionist movement, he saw the US acquisition of Mexican territory as a blatant attempt to extend the practice of slavery into Texas .

BARON JOHANN DE KALB Baron De Kalb was a German officer in the French army who helped the Americans defeat the British during the Revolutionary War. Sound confusing? Well, let me explain.

Johann De Kalb accompanied the Marquis de Lafayette when he came to the aid of the American Revolutionary army in 1777. Previously, he had left his native Bavaria and traveled to France.

In 1743, he decided to join the French military.

Eventually, by 1761 he had earned the rank of brigadier general. Around this time, De Kalb chose to add the title “Baron” to his name.

During their gathering in 1777 the Continental Congress voted to commission Baron De Kalb as a major general in the Continental army. He served with distinction under the command of General George Washington at Valley Forge. He also fought alongside Washington during the battles of Brandywine, Germantown and Monmouth.

In the Carolinas Baron De Kalb was assigned to General Horatio Gates. His last battle engagement ended in his death at Camden, South Carolina. In 1825 the Marquis de Lafayette laid the cornerstone for Johann De Kalb’s monument at Camden. This German-born French/American war hero’s military contribution to the victory over the British is appreciated only by very dedicated historians researching the Revolutionary War period.

I hope you have enjoyed reading these stories as much as I enjoyed doing the research and writing them. As I have always said, every individual is a fascinating story. We all have a history and we all share experiences that have shaped us as human beings.

Every day a new story is born. There’s no doubt about it - we all serve as storytellers throughout our lives. Thankfully, some universal tales are forever changing and never seem to get old or stale even after the twentieth telling of the saga.

Sometimes I think that life itself is simply a good story waiting to be told…

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Dumbed Down to Hell

written by Saab Lofton

“It is often remarked in the First World that, from the president on down, Americans are the most ignorant -- in the literal sense of not knowing what they ought to know -- of any people with First World advantages.” – Gore Vidal, The American Presidency The best case scenario is the kind of utopia depicted in Star Trek – in which poverty, bigotry and atrocity have been abolished...

In contrast, the worst case scenario can be found in a movie that should’ve won a dozen Oscars by now: Idiocracy by Mike Judge (of Beavis and Butt-head/King of the Hill fame), a dystopia which depicts the public’s I.Q. plummeting so low that starvation is common because crops are given Gatorade instead of water! Lazy cowards may claim they have A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder) in order to escape reading or dealing with anything the least bit disturbing, but what their asses are really doing is signing Humanity’s death warrant.

Those are two possible futures, but let’s glimpse at our past: In the movie based on Jean M. Auel’s novel Clan of the Cave Bear, Daryl Hannah portrays a young Cro-Magnon woman raised by Neanderthals. There’s a scene when Hannah’s character discovers a more efficient way of counting numbers, but is immediately told by a wise elder to suppress this knowledge.

“Numbers were a difficult abstraction for people of the Clan to comprehend. Most could not think beyond three,” Auel writes. “With difficulty, Creb [the elder] could count to 20. Numbers beyond 20 blurred into some indistinct infinity called many.”

Flash forward from the end of the Paleolithic period to the present and you’ll find that trailblazing pioneers from Preston Tucker to Ralph Nader are treated as badly as Hannah’s character. This must stop!

Years ago in Las Vegas, I interviewed acclaimed cartoonist Ted Rall. In Rall’s anthology of political cartoons, Attitude 2, Aaron McGruder (creator of The Boondocks) assesses the American intellect: “The people whom I really despise are the Democrats and the American people who are too goddamned stupid to see what’s happening,” said McGruder, “the reason why people are so tolerant of the evil is because five men control 90 percent of what all Americans see, hear and read. Add onto that fact that Americans are not the most educated and literate people in the planet and you see how easy it is to manipulate them.”

I asked Rall if he found McGruder’s comments to be bitter and angry or accurate.

Rall stated that McGruder cited, “an opinion that’s really difficult to dispute. I think that the system is geared to encourage that level of stupidity.”

An example Rall offered as to how this occurs is the “under-funding” of education. Rall then spoke of how dumbing-down the public is a

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very complex affair. “Being intellectual is actually frowned upon,” Rall told me, “so it’s not just that people are stupid; it’s [anti-intellectualism] part of our culture.”

When asked what it would take for America to choose a more intellectual candidate like Ralph Nader, Rall prescribed giving him $300 to $500 million for a massive public relations campaign. I’m glad Rall pointed out that, “what’s keeping the left out of office isn’t ideology, it’s money.”

It’s a shame that Human evolution is so damn expensive.

There’s a big difference between ignorance and stupidity: One is a lack of knowledge and the other is an unwillingness to retain it. Americans are obviously capable of great memory retention – it’s what they’re retaining that’s the problem.

And it’s not America’s fault. Blame those who can regularly afford large audiences for folks knowing who hit the most RBIs in 1956 and not knowing who John Brown was. Blame those who can afford large audiences for folks knowing who won American Idol and not knowing who Paul Robeson was. Blame those with large audiences for folks not only knowing but actually caring about this trivia rather than their own history. For it’s not enough that something be allowed a forum – that which is important must be treated as if it’s important.

There’s SUPPOSEDLY the civil liberty to be ignorant of what’s important. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but history is constantly growing exponentially, so each succeeding generation will have to learn MORE history than the last, otherwise civilization will collapse. You can’t go through life without ever having heard of WWII because your head hurts from WWI being too hard to understand.

Also, figure that most people never use algebra outside of high school, most people never have to explain the theory of relativity, and most people never quote Shakespeare, but EVERYONE VOTES. If every place on Earth is supposed to be a democracy, then everyone on the planet is a potential voter, and if that’s the case, literally everyone must know “all that boring political stuff,” as the teenyboppers would squeal.

Besides, if you’ll buy crap, chances are you’ll vote for crap too.

Want Mind-Candy for escapism? EARN IT FIRST, by reading as wide a variety of newspapers as possible, Professor Howard Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States and Orwell – especially for 1984’s classic line, “If there’s any hope, it lies in the proles.”

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Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness written by Jeff Diggs “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” (Thomas Jefferson, Declaration of Independence, July 1776).

Life - a: the sequence of physical and mental experiences that make up the existence of an individual b: one or more aspects of the process of living (MerriamWebster Dictionary).

Liberty- the quality or state of being free: a: the power to do as one pleases b: freedom from physical restraint c: freedom from arbitrary or despotic control d: the positive enjoyment of various social, political, or economic rights and privileges e : the power of choice (Merriam-Webster Dictionary).

Happiness - a: a state of well-being and contentment b: a pleasurable or satisfying experience (MerriamWebster Dictionary).

This nation was built on the founding principle that every person has a native right to freely exist and pursue individual contentment without control or restraint.

This nation has lost sight of these founding values. Personal freedoms are under attack in this nation through cleverly crafted legislation proclaiming everything from protecting us from terrorist to protecting our children. One important personal freedom that is being debated is the use of marijuana.

Prior to August 2, 1937, it was legal in the United States to grow, use and sell marijuana like any cash crop. Recently, the Obama administration has instructed the Justice Department to not target marijuana smoking patients or their authorized suppliers for federal prosecution in states that allow medicinal marijuana usage. Government officials sight that medicinal marijuana prosecutions are a poor use of government resources and funds.

Public support for the legalization of marijuana is at an all time high, no pun intended. Supporters for the legalization of marijuana claim that marijuana helps manage chronic pain and nausea associated with a variety of illnesses such as cancer and lupus. Opponents claim that the legalization of marijuana is a step backwards in the fight against the War on Drugs. There are 14 states that currently allow the use of marijuana for medical reasons.

California has become the pot shop capital with numerous marijuana retail shops throughout the state. A recent Gallup poll revealed that public support for legalizing marijuana has increased to 44 percent in the last few years. Historically, public support was fixed at around 25 percent from the late 70s through the mid 90s. The Gallup poll suggests that if public support continues growing at the current rate, the majority of Americans will favor legalizing marijuana in the next few years.

Last year, Mexican cartels produced 35 million pounds of marijuana generating $20 billion according to US government estimates. Law makers in California are taking note and are quick to realize that a $20 billion industry can generate a lot of tax revenue. Mexican cartels operate organized drug rings in 195 US cities. These operations attract violence and crime. The legalization of marijuana even through controlled production and distribution will cripple the Mexican cartel operations.

Providing legalized marijuana will provide a recreational pleasure no different than alcohol or nicotine.

Legalizing marijuana won’t end the War on Drugs but it will certainly take a big bite out of the problem.

The United States has the highest incarceration rate of any country in the world, including China, India, Iran, and Russia. Over 1% of the American population is in jail. That is 2.3 million Americans.

By contrast, China has 1.5 million people incarcerated but has 4 times the population as the United States. The increase in incarcerations is primarily due to mandatory sentencing of non-violent crimes, also known as the Three Strike policies which was devised during the War on Drugs era in the 80s. In 2007, over half of the prisoners in state prisons were held for non-violent crimes. This equals 640,000 non-violent crimes, 250,000 of which were for drug offenses. In Maryland, almost 70% of inmates are in jail for drug offences according to The Baltimore Sun. According to White House statistics nearly 40% of Americans have tried marijuana. That’s 97 million people.

Everyone has vices such as food, gambling, video games, internet, tobacco, alcohol, porn, sex, or marijuana. Who has the right to decide for you, which vices are good and which are bad? The answer is no one. Only you have that right. It’s your life, it’s your liberty, and it’s your personal pursuit of happiness.

George Washington and Thomas Jefferson both grew hemp. Ben Franklin owned a mill that made hemp paper. Jefferson drafted the Declaration of Independence on hemp paper.” (North American Industrial Hemp United States Special Tax Stamp -- Producer of Marihuana -- July, 1945. It was Council). probably related to the U.S. Hemp for Victory campaign, which allowed production of hemp for the U.S. WWII effort.

7

The New Fred Astaire written by Robert Crisman U.S. POLITICS, my friend, is a buck-and-wing sideshow, hyped to rivet attention away from the pickpockets, killers and rape-os in boardrooms who rule us as surely as Ivan the Great ruled the Russias. It’s why the best politicians wear top hats and tails whenever they step out on stage.

Democracy in action!

Take the latest presidential election. The GOP sent out a clubfoot. The Dems came up with a guy who knew how to spin.

The vote was the spinner’s to lose as far back as November ’06, the mid-term elections. The Dems, by pretending they wanted us out of the war in Iraq, stomped the Repos.

Right after that, the Bush team dumped Rummy, old “Cakewalk” himself, as if that would make them look better or something. Talk about locking the goddamn barn door!

The Repos knew that the mid-terms spelled big ’08 trouble. The party’d gone swimming in ratshit with Bush, through the war and Katrina and everything else, and all of their possibles reeked like a roadhouse back porch down in Mudflap.

Yet, by God, it looked for awhile like they needn’t have worried that much! The Dems spent ’07 spreading their buttcheeks when Bush called for war funds. He’d ask for, say, $70 million, so Cheney’s old outfit, Rip ‘Em and Clip ‘Em, could stash it in offshore accounts—and those donkey cocksuckers would cough up way more!

Their exit plan out of Iraq? Well, er, ah, maybe somewhere between 2010 and when pigs learn to fly.

The ’08 campaign was a barrel of laughs. The Dems couldn’t dredge up a white guy that even the dead in Chicago would vote for. Edwards?

Whose haircuts cost 400 bucks? Why not just exhume Dukakis? His haircuts were shit, but he always wore helmets and— Anyway, it came down to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. An arm-wrestling contest to see who’d take on whoever it was that the Repos came up with.

At first it looked like Hillary’d take it, but she’s such a bitch and everyone knows it, and meanwhile, Obama seemed like a nice guy and smart with it too, and he wouldn’t scare too many white folks, and so on.

The guy had some steps. The progressive sheepdips all flocked his way. He beat out the Clintons. Bill, who’s still got his crusty old socks in his mouth, wonders just what the fuck happened…

Meanwhile, the poor GOP. They couldn’t dig Reagan up try as they might, and all they had left that had ever seemed human was one other dead guy, McCain.

McCain sort of dribbled and drooled out his mouth on both sides. He couldn’t dance worth a fuck. The Oil Guys duked the Obama camp millions and millions.

Obama was Kerry with game. And like Kerry, and Bush for that matter, he stood for foisting American Freedom on countries which, given the choice, would rather hold onto their oil…

The money guys loved it! Obama would do the right thing when the time came.

Meanwhile, to prop up McCain whenever he’d start to fall over, the Repos conjured this Ilsa Koch Barbie-Doll ding-dong for Veep, Sarah Palin.

Palin winked and wiggled her ass and talked about Jesus and sewed up the peckerwood lardcans, and kept the race tight going into October.

Then the fucking economy tanked. On the

GOP’s watch.

McCain went tits up.

Yet it wouldn’t have mattered if Dems had been steering the ship. They all had their prints on the dereg bamboozle that had kicked the economy over the cliff.

All those banks, choked with shit markers!

Next stop, a black hole in space!

And sure, the Bush monkeys, stockholders all, pushed the dereg. The point was to fatten portfolios, man, and kick those stocks skyward like right fucking now. And, don’t forget, to make sure that their homeboys could grab all that bonus cash lying around, for making those year-end reports dance and sing.

Billions and billions and billions of bonus bucks, baby! For Lear Jets and yachts, household slaves, nights in Paris, and all the rest of the shit that gives the Wall St. homunculi hard-ons.

And if all that meant shoehorning folks who can’t pay into houses and all that good stuff—Buy now and we’ll snatch your shit up down the road when your interest rates all hit the moon!—well, uh, hey, that’s the way the game goes, n’est ce pas?

So, yeah, the Repos pushed dereg like smack.

But so did the Volkers tucked in with Obama— who’ve got what they laughingly call a plan to fish us all out of the soup! Get credit rolling again!

Quick quiz: what’s the reason those dipshits dereged in the first place?

You got it!

Folks have to buy buy buy buy! But they don’t have the cash to buy popsicle sticks.

And so, credit—or the shit that they used to make here, but now gets churned out by the peasants in China, will ship to these shores just to rot in some warehouse some-

where a n d — black hole in space time again…

By the way, this stuff gets made overseas so the corporate greedhogs, who helped push the dereg, could rape all the cheap peasant labor. It’s also the reason that folks over here who used to work for those fuckers no longer have ducats. Which—are you ready?—is a big fucking reason the banks are awash in shit markers!

No matter! Even folks who can’t pay have to buy buy buy buy!—till it’s time once again for a meltdown!

To stave off this meltdown, Obama and all the rest of those dipshits voted to give the banks eighty-three billion godzillion dollars, along with your house and your car and your mother, to get credit moving again. The banks used the money for Lear Jets and yachts…

Hey, you know what? Marx did have this shit down to the dime!

No matter. The sheepdips elected Obama. He ran on a program of Change—no specifics, at least not the kind that the banks will allow—which means we’ll likely slam into Pakistan this time.

Assuming that China keeps lending us money.

Change! Yes indeed… And like I said, the sheepdips all bought it. He could have danced them all over the moon…

One month after the vote, Osama bin Laden came out with a vid. He was grinning, in beach-

comber’s togs, kicked back in a lounge chair smoking a doob, down on the Gulf Coast somewhere. This CD in the background: a Willie Nelson lament, wafting softly.

Osama said, “Hey, baby, what’s up with you? Just catching some rays here myself.

Hey, dig my man Willie. I wasn’t even hip to this guy till I buzzed back through Texas a couple months back. Boy’s got that nice, laid-back feel, you know? That’s where I’ve been these past couple years, just blasé-ing hither and yon, digging the ladies, and having a ball.

He yawned and stretched. “Too bad about old George and Dick. I’m gonna miss ‘em. They actually thought they could slam you guys into the dumpster and get away clean. I mean, 9-11, scare all the grandmas, and so forth. It got old. Plus, they tried to fuck all you guys without grease and that only works for awhile.

“Now it looks like you’ve placed your bets on Obama to make it all better.”

He laughed. “I like that guy too. He’s slicker

than George. And, actually, he’ll give me something to do. I mean, Afghanistan redux, then Pakistan, right? Get ready, get set, and it looks like I’ve gotta get back to the wars. In a way, it’s too bad. I like Texas. But you still got your gameplan in Asia, all that oil and shit, and you need me back there.” He laughed. “I’m the bogeyman, right?

‘Osama, Osama, he’s after your mama!’

“I wonder who thought that one up? I’m betting on Dick. The dude was a poet, you dig?

“So, anyway, me and my guys, it looks like we’re gonna be busy.

Osama laughed, waved, and the video faded to black.

The new year kicked in. Obama was dancing all over the map. The two-step, the shimmy, the bugaloo, name it. You should have seen him breakdancing in Cairo! We love you, Muslims! And Zionists too!

We love you all madly!

When apprised for the ten trillionth time that the Zionists stole Arab land, Obama went into the splits—and ruptured himself, like Bush and the rest of those silly cocksuckers.

Palestine! Israel! Two-state solution! The Arabs get six blocks of rocks where the Jews haven’t settled the West Bank—until it comes time when the Zionists want those six blocks of rocks for themselves.

Then, uh, Barack? You might want to check out the truss ads…

And that’s not the worst of it, either! On the homefront, under the guise of “bipartisanship,” Obama keeps spreading his buttcheeks for nazis on health care reform. Public Option? He’ll dump it, you watch. He figures his sheepdips will snivel and yowl, but he also knows that they too will roll over at nutcutting time.

Meanwhile, just by way of no harm, the Insurance guys’ suit-wearing buttboys in Congress are howling that health care reform “costs” way too much. These are the same smarmy dipshits who coughed up those billions and billions and billions of your and my hard-earned tax dollars for ground wars in Asia, just so that UnoCal, Chevron, and all those cocksuckers could profit like big dogs.

You’d think that Obama would point all this out—but he too has plans to dance into Pakistan sooner than later and, well, you know…

Barack Obama, the new Fred Astaire…

HELLO, ST. LOUIS!... AND WELCOME TO THE FOURTH EPISODE OF

OUR SINFUL COMMUNITY!

Somehow I’m still your host St. Louis, Chet Chesterson! My job tonight is to introduce each of you to some of your local businesses with a bit of sinful flare to them. So all you in the audience please stand up and give yourselves a round of applause for supporting your sinful community, and all you folks out there watching on the boob-tube, give yourself a pat on the back, too. You all deserve it!

Alright all you out there in the audience, who likes a party? Yeah, me, too! Now, how many of you gals out there would like to have an all-girl slumber party? Yeah, me, too! Just kidding, honey... you guys with a misses at home know how that is. So this episode is for all you gals out there tonight, but you fellows are sure to enjoy it as well... maybe even more so afterwards, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

Our guest backstage is a new transplant to the St. Louis area, and has a new business that the folks at The Sinner wanted to introduce to you, specifically you ladies in the audience. Her name is Jayme Martin, and she is a slumber party producer! So all you out there give her a big sinful welcome... Come on out Jayme!

Wow Jayme, it’s great to meet you in person, and to have you on the show tonight. And I tell you what, from what I heard backstage, folks, I’m really looking forward to knowing more about these slumber parties of yours. I think one could be beneficial to me, even if I have to go out bowling for a few hours that night while you gals have a little fun...

Well, Chet, your exactly right! My Slumber Parties offer everything from the “mild” to the “wild”! And through your wife, you two will discover ways to increase your sensuality, spice up your love life and explore your fantasies!

I don’t know about you guys in the audience, but that sounds like a good night of bowling even if I throw a few in the gutter – no pun intended, Jayme... Then let me ask how you got into this line of work here in the middle of the Bible Belt? That’s one the folks at The Sinner get all the time, so I like to ask...

Chet, You know how this economy has been suffering. So after I moved to St. Louis and had trouble finding a job I was in the mood to get the girls together for some drinks, fun and chit chat, so I called my friend up that is a Slumber Parties consultant and she came and put on a show. I told her how much trouble I was having finding a job and she suggested I look into becoming a Slumber Parties consultant. Once I found out the potential profit and how I could work whatever schedule I want and be my own boss, I was hooked!

That’s simply amazing, the American Dream at its finest. But tell the folks out there a bit more about these Slumber Parties, before we have to go to a break...

Chet, you and all the people out there in the audience are going to love this part: First and foremost these parties are FREE! There is no cost to host your girls’ night out. You simply reserve a date with me for your party. I work with you to invite guests, get RSVPs and plan other fun details for your party. Very little work but BIG REWARDS for you!

When it’s “party time” I bring the store to your door! Slumber Parties has the hottest lingerie, edible lubricants, adult games, books, sexy massage oils and bedroom accessories! You and your friends get to “try it before you buy it”! You will laugh and learn as you bond with friends during the ultimate girls night out. As your Slumber Parties Consultant I will give you a hands-on presentation of our lotions, lingerie, novelties and bedroom accessories that is sure to be both fun and enlightening. In order to create a relaxed atmosphere where everyone can feel comfortable, our in-home parties are for adult women only. Confidential, one-on-one ordering is available for each guest at the end of the party.

And as the hostess you earn free and discounted products based on your party sales!

Jayme, you’ve got to be kidding me! Right, folks? Free, in these dark times? WOW! That’s simply amazing!

There’s only one question left to ask, how do I get a Slumber Party for the wife and her friends started?...

That’s an easy one, Chet. You decide!! It can be almost any day of the week and any time. Just contact me and we will set a date that works great for both of us. You can check my website at www.SlumberPartiesbyJayme.com. You can also send me an email to Jayme.Martin@SlumberParties.com or call me at 573-289-7875.

Well folks, I told you this was going to be a great show. Thanks for coming out tonight, Jayme... and all you out there in TV Land be sure to get out and support your Sinful Community! Until next month, I’m Chet Chesterson!

Greg Correll Photography model: Clarissa

SINNER 10

myspace.com/stlouissinner

by Paul Ace Diamond “Huggy” Blow

paint by Plastic

photo by Cyanide Studios©

I TOTALLY FORGOT that the Fourth Annual National Bullying Prevention Awareness Week was last month (October 4-10), but in honor of said Week I wanted to perform a community service and share my own personal experiences with bullying. You see, my friends, I too was a victim of bullying once upon a time. That’s right -- Paul Ace Diamond “Huggy” Blow was bullied!!!

I remember it well... I was in the 8th grade at Assumption Catholic School, and apparently the 8th grade is when kids start trying to fit in and be cool. I had never had a problem with bullying before, but at the very beginning of the 8th grade I was picked on by the “cool kids” because I was the tall, shy nurd with glasses, greasy hair, and eczema on my arm. The bullying included name calling, taunts, insults, and even physical threats and violence. They even gave me an insulting nickname that I hated. After the cool kids started harassing me, the rest of the kids also joined in so they could be “cool” too. I remember there was one kid who refused to pick on me... I told him, “What’s the matter, don’t you want to fit in???”

The abuse lasted the entire year and the next year in High School I made a fresh start. I washed my hair on a daily basis, I quit wearing my nurdy glasses (and was blind as a bat), and I wore long sleeved shirts to hide my eczema. I swore an oath to myself that if any of the kids from 8th grade were at my high school I would not let them carry the harassment and bullying on there too. But sure enough, they did, but I was prepared... when the first kid called me the insulting nickname from grade school I gave him a solid punch to the solar plexus and knocked the insults right out of him. I learned that punching a bully in the gut is an effective way to stop bullying. I punched a few more of my former harassers in high school and word spread: Don’t mess with the tall dude!

I’ve come a long way since the 8th grade. I’m still freakishly tall but now I’m a super-cool guy, not a nurd. I wear contact lenses not nurdy glasses. I wash my hair once a day whether it needs it or not. I no longer have eczema on my arm but I do have some weird rash on my leg. I no longer have an insulting nickname, I have a cool rock’n’roll name.

But most of all I have learned to accept and love myself for who I am, I don’t try to fit in, I love being a true individual. And last but not least I’ve learned kung fu, karate, tae kwon do, and other martial arts and if anyone tries to have their way with me, now as an adult, a karate kick to the ballsack usually takes the bravado out of them, or a round house kick to the kneecap will do the job if the groin kick doesn’t. And if the asshole still continues to be aggressive a palm heel strike to the nose, breaking the nose and sending pieces of bone into the bully’s brain, killing him instantly, will definitely handle the situation. I’ve found this to be quite effective with school-yard bullies and assholes in general. That’s right, kids... the best way to handle bullies is to teach them a lesson in manners by beating the holy heck out of them. Most all bullies are only tough on the outside and wimps on the inside.

I hope that sharing my own experiences here will help out any kids who are being bullied at school.

My advice to you is this: be an individual, accept yourself for who you are, learn some kung fu, and beat up a bully today!

HUGGY BLOW’S ROCK STAR OF THE MONTH: Johnny Thunders: Johnny Thunders made a name for himself back in the 1970s as a guitarist for glam rock band the New York Dolls. He later went on to a solo career (playing guitar and singing) with his band the Heartbreakers and also released many albums under his own name. He also had a very cool solo acoustic act that he did, an act that has inspired many (including myself) to play solo acoustic shows.

Although Johnny Thunders was not the greatest of guitar players or even a very good singer, it’s his IMAGE that makes him so gosh danged cool. If you’ve never heard of Johnny Thunders, just google his name and check out the pics of him and you will see... what with his flamboyant outfits and his big ol’ mop of black hair, Johnny Thunders just plain LOOKS like what a rock star guitar player should look like, and there are legions of guitar players far and wide who try their hardest to BE Johnny Thunders, even today. Sadly enough, Johnny Thunders was a heroin addict most of his career, and died of a heroin overdose in 1991 at the age of 38, but his legend, notoriety and fame live on and he makes it as my Rock Star of the Month. This one’s for you, Johnny!

Johnny Thunders

11

Photo by Chuck Foster

On The Scene And Heard W/Malice

“DOWN IN THE BASEMENT” Dead Weight (now Butcher Holler) @ Fred’s Six Feet Under 5510 Virginia St Louis MO 63111

F

red Friction once again has a cozy little bar down in the basement of Iron Barley (great food from the kitchen!!!). You just about need a map to find this place though, but it’s well worth the drive…make sure you get there early, parking downtown is horrendous.

Make sure you carry cash, as it’s a hassle to find an ATM in this part of town. But there are also a lot of homeless people out, so give a little if you can. It’s getting cold out, and it’s $30 to stay in the shelter.

On our way to drink and carouse, a homeless woman was trying to scrape up enough money to spend the night in a warm shelter and I had no cash on hand. I felt bad that I couldn’t help her, but I could buy beer and a meal on plastic.

But Fred’s place is AMAZING. It’s great to see him back and hear him on his radio show on 88.1. He’s quite a local character, too.

Being a basement, it’s very cozy and intimate. You’ve got the band playin’ in your lap, and you can get quite personal with the guys. Irene from The RoundUps was there this night, too!!! Another one of our favorite bands we first saw at the beer fest that summer in 02.

It was a good crowd, about 40 people, with a good vibe all night. The coolest damn thing I have EVER seen was also here: a coffee table made from guitar bodies on top of which was THE BIGGEST COFFEE TABLE BOOK I have ever seen THE ILLUSTRATED BOOK OF GUITARS written by Nick Freeth. Fred’s has cool décor on the walls, and oil paintings of nudes above cozy seating, just like hangin’ out in your friend’s basement listenin’ to records.

Dead Weight is our buddy Jamey’s new band, a bit of Progressive Country. I do miss hearing MotorHead’s “Ace Of Spades” (it’s at 200 plays in my vidz), but I always get a thrill when he plays my all time favorite Daddys’ song “By The Heart”. It’s a song he wrote for his wife and I am so glad he still plays it. It’s the kinda song that brings it all back, through all the bullshit, that first kiss in a dirty alley, that makes ya fall in love all over again with the one who has always been there from the very start.

Their new sound is bluesy, soulful, a little twangy, but it’s still Jamey. They’re sounding better than ever and we’ve seen them 5 or 6 times now. We’ll be seeing them again soon at The Fox Hole, too.

So if you need a new place to hang out, go say Howdy to Fred in his basement, listen to some great tunes by Dead Weight, get to know Jamey, buy him a beer and let him tell you fart jokes all night.

14

myspace.com/stlouissinner

D E K S UNMA

written by Chuck Foster We’re drunker than Trenchfoot. Faster than Bunnygrunt. There are more of us than there are Livers. We’re older than Say Uncle. More dudes than there are in the 75’s. We’re taller than The Humanoids.

Fatter than Cuban Missiles. Dumber than Black For a Second. Sweatier than the Wifflers. Sexier than the Disappeared. Younger than Ded Bugs. Less talented than The Trip Daddys. Hairier than Sex Robots.

And even more fun than your uncle’s Skynyrd cover band!

I

was standing at the pisser in some local venue, maybe The Way Out Club or Atomic Cowboy, with my cock in one hand and a Wild Turkey in another when I overheard two other fucking drunks talking about this cockamamie band called The Hatfields. I stumbled out, not asking much more – even drunks have some bathroom etiquette. A few months later I found myself on Greaser’s Lunch Box, just about as drunk, talking music with Al Swacker. In case you haven’t figured it out by now, he’s one of my inside guys to the local music scene here in St. Louis. He mentioned that The Haddonfields are one of his new favorite bands, that they really throw down a live show. That’s not a quote due to the whiskey consumed, but you get the idea. It all made sense then: The Haddonfields, not Hatfields and McCoys or some backwoods spin-off of such famous feud.

I immediately contacted these cats about catching them live, to get a feel of such madness on stage firsthand. The next possible gig for us to catch was the night after Halloween, not a big problem I thought.

But the venue in question was Cicero’s Pizza. In case you haven’t noticed, The Sinner isn’t welcome at this establishment,

so it’s hard for us to appear there, give them cash for drinks, and then write about the joint when they don’t support us, not even in the bar. I could have chose to skip this section altogether, but in all honesty, I dig that joint’s stage and sound. And they book some kick-ass bands, like The Saw and The Haddonfields.

So there we were on a Sunday night, uncomfortably at Cicero’s for The Haddonfields CD release party. A hangover would have been a pleasant relief from my pounding head, aching stomach and booze sweating from every pore of my flesh from two nights of heavy drinking. But these are the sacrifices that one must often make to get the job done – and it is a job, of painful sorts at times.

I found myself stumbling around in the dark setting asking anyone who remotely looked “band” if they were The Haddonfields. After a few hits, I found them sitting around the bar. I was there to shoot a poster shot for the band, too, so I suggested the stage prior or after their show. Curt said the band wanted to be at the bar, having fun, getting drunk, doing what they do best, after the set. So I sat back, slammed a few choice brews, and let the nature of this beast take its own course.

After the second Dead Guy Ale and third song I was in the midst of the crowd, fighting for my spot amongst the youngsters and elders like myself. Those two drunks in the bathroom that night were dead-on about this band.

I could give you the formal literary mumbo-jumbo of sorts that describe bands of this punk nature, that they produce that sing-along pit vibe that possesses a crowd with every note, that their solid on every note from start to finish, even while jumping back and forth with the crowd. But I believe Curt Kaemmerer (Vocals/Guitar) put it best, “We’re a complete disaster flirting with a rocking good time. Melodic poppy-punk rock for nerds and drunks who wanna dance.”

The present Haddonfields are Curt Kaemmerer (Vocals/Guitar), Daren Gratton (Guitar/Vocals), Lew Naeger (Vocals/Bass), and old Noel “Sweetdick” Swain on the Drums and Vocals. Curt and Nate started the band in ‘03, but Curt says that Noel took over drummership in a Battleroyal type struggle for supremacy in ‘05ish.

And Darren, the word is that after the band released their Get a Nightlife EP in ‘07 he endlessly begged to join the band until he finally wore Curt down and was accepted into the fold on some sort of probationary terms. And Lew, they say that he came about through a series of underhanded dealings and off-color shenanigans, weaseling his way in as bass player sometime in ‘08.

I wanted to know what they believe sets them apart form the other top bands in St. Louis, so I asked. Their answer: “We’re drunker than Trenchfoot. Faster than Bunnygrunt. There are more of us than there are Livers.

We’re older than Say Uncle. More dudes than there are in the 75’s.

We’re taller than The Humanoids. Fatter than Cuban Missiles.

Dumber than Black For a Second. Sweatier than the Wifflers. Sexier than the Disappeared. Younger than Ded Bugs. Less talented than The Trip Daddys. Hairier than Sex Robots. And even more fun than your uncle’s Skynyrd cover band!” In case you’re getting lost, these guys serve shit as hard as they do punk, in your face, two or three terds at a time. But on a serious note, they say those bands are some of their favorites, and didn’t want to forget Suburban Epedimic, Holy Handgrenades, The Hail Mary’s, or Celebrity Autopsy off the top of their drunken heads.

As far as Haddonfields’ Fun Facts go, Curt says Daren pays for all of his gear entirely in poker winnings; Noel is a master lighter thief, and if he asks you for a light, your best bet is to light the cigarette (or whatever else he may need lit) for him, and make sure you can see his hands at all times; and that one time Lew punched Daren in the neck because Daren drinks Jager like a sissy.

So the Haddonfields admit to be guilty of drunken, dope-smoking belligerence and debauchery – meaning Daren is an adulterer, Curt’s a glutton, Noel’s a thief, and Lew is an asshole!

As for their new CD, We Are not Alone, the band is super excited not only about the music captured inside, but also about the cover art created by HorAsebites. “It has aliens... playing hockey with a human skull... with moustaches!!!” The new disc is on local label “I Hate Punk Rock Records”, a “Rad!” outfit so say the guys, and was recorded at Brick City Sound in Chicago in February with St. Louis expatriate Brad McGrath at the helm. To find upcoming Haddonfields shows or other relevant information on these mad fuckers, go to www.myspace.com/thehaddonfields.

And to purchase We Are not Alone, the guys say that the album should be available at all the local independent record stores (real record stores) or at www.ihatepunkrock.net.

Last, they wanted to let each of you know that the scene is what you make it and there are a lot of cool things going on here, right now, if you pay attention. So I’ll add, pay attention, MotherFuckers! Go catch The Haddonfields and support your local music!

15

was MY SHOW…in the sense that I put all the Tthe hisplayers in touch with each other. I had met Sheri Gray, booking manager for The Library the night Memphis

Bad Boys PROSEVERE played. I got her card, we CLICKED, and we have a lot in common musically. She’s my girl! As soon as I heard PLATINUM ROSE was ready to hit the scene in a big way, I got in touch with their tour manager, Terry Moore. Nashville is only 5 hours away, and they were on their way to other places…my old stomping grounds in Memphis, The Stage Stop (all of my homies turned out for their show)… and The Exit-In, where Rock City Angels played this summer (another Memphis Band close to my heart). Everybody was finally on the same page, chapter and verse. In a perfect world it would have been a Friday or Sat night; in a perfect world, it would not have been raining that particular Thursday night.

But this world is far from perfect and I HAD MY OWN PRIVATE SHOW AND YOUR SORRY ASSES MISSED SEEING HISTORY IN THE MAKING! Life in my world is pretty damn awesome. I get to meet some of the finest musicians the world has to offer.

I get to hang out with some of the coolest guys (and their girlfriends/wives), who just happen to have an enormous range of talent. I have met some of the Legends of My Day. I am The SEEKER…I look for and I FIND The Next Big Sensation, before the rest of the world is about to. I have found a NEW ONE… far beyond another Flavor Of The Week, one who I will be keeping an eye on throughout his career, well into his retirement.

This Hero is Rock Soldier, James Holland…who has been dubbed by more than one Lady as The Heartbreaker.

You can see him for yourself, I have tons of pics!!!! I met his hot little girlfriend too, so watch yourself.

As soon as we walked in the door, Jason of Platinum Rose, former Bullet Boys drummer, introduced himself and told me I was on the list. Cool beans.

Charlie waved from the corner of the bar. I brought some copies of their issue (pg 14) as The Library didn’t have any current issues… and handed them all to the guys.

This was my first “BANDS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT” column, so I was worried I might have stepped off the edge here, as I wrote the story BEFORE I saw them LIVE. This friend of ours introduced me to their music, their sound and a lot of background About The Man, Himself (Clark has an extensive knowledge of music history from the 80s, and he knows about EVERYBODY from back in the day). It was Clark who took us out to Centralia (Off The

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Beaten Path) to see Dust & Bones (whose guitar player Sean Quidgeon used to tour w/ Platinum Rose a few years ago), a tight BROTHERHOOD of musicians in this part of the world.

The first band, METAL BEASTIES…I found out later they were TRASH CITY ROCKERS and assumed they were traveling with PR from Nashville… they’re actually from across the river in Illinois, and probably friends of Dust & Bones. THEY ARE GOOD!!!.

INK FREAKS, CRAZY WILD HAIR…I MIGHT GO SEE THEM AGAIN. Then it was like seeing old friends take the stage, yet I’ve only seen them play once before.

Clark calls them Dusty Boners, I call ‘em The Bonerz, for obvious reasons.

Great songs, too – SLEAZE RAWK FROM THE CORN. Sean is a seasoned professional and a sheer pleasure to watch. I loved it when the first band joined them for “Whiskey Dick”…a great show! Great performance, too – their showmanship is second to none with serenades from the balcony, and the other bands joining in. Big Dawg has an incredible range and Nick is just the cutest thing…dirty rocker boy all the way.

Then the show I was waiting anxiously for: PLATINUM ROSE. James & Alyssa are fun to kick it with-(lots of stories), Val is hilarious, Jason is one of the coolest people I have ever talked to, & Charlie – The Man, Himself…a legend of our time! He’s had a very long and very successful career, and he’s BACK in fighting form!

Rock anthems... they just don’t write ‘em like that anymore! Like one of my old time favorites “Wasted and I Can’t Find My Way Home”, along with the CLASSIC “SMOOTH UP”. And all the guys who knew the words and a few who didn’t were up there like little kids who got to play in the big leagues!!!

But, you know what is sad? Having the band all to myself is NOT what this is all about!

Shag your ass to a show, even if it’s raining.

Take a chance to see something you’ve never seen before. Because I’m willing to bet they just about played for FREE. And a little exposure.

Malice can only do so much. I can point you in the right direction, but I cannot make you rock. You must do that on your own. NOW, pay attention. Because when Malice tells you to go check out a band, Homie, you do it. NO QUESTIONS ASKED! No excuses. Don’t tell me, I didn’t go out because it was raining. They drove 5 hours in the rain to be HERE. They rocked MY WORLD. They could have rocked YOURS. Peace out, Malice

myspace.com/stlouissinner

Bitching with Buddha Lu c i fe r

W

hen Randy from Cheap Trx contacted us about supporting Bully Jam, a fundraiser for abused Pit Bulls, we jumped right over the fence. This guy does a lot of good work for the community, like raising funds for Ryan Henerey after recovering from a devastating motorcycle accident a few months ago.

And like his last benefit at The Way Out Club, it was packed full of music, dance, gifts and sinful times. A big thanks to Bob and Sherri for the Club, The Spark Thugs, Dino Fight, The Phamily Business, Guitar Matt, Brown Bottle Fever, and especially all you fucking Sinners who came out in force for such a great cause!

Dear Wicked One, Well it’s about time. I heard on the radio that our Pres, the mighty O, has finally pushed to reign in executive bonuses on government owned businesses.

Since “we the people” are now stock holders in Citibank, Chrysler, and the like, our opinions as investors matter. “We the people” say that if those bozos needed us to bailout their sorry asses then to hell with their bonuses. (No pun intended.) Show me the money, ass wipes, make me the profits and we’ll see about a Christmas bonus. Can the Christmas party in Hawaii, it’s the Spaghetti Warehouse like the rest of us.

All those bad loans they gave away to people who couldn’t even afford a good latte much less a mortgage payment. Now I hear that Citibank will have to divest their holdings from foreign banks they own. Since Citibank is government owned, some countries get nervous about their banks being owned by foreign governments. Citibank owns a bank in Mexico which it now has to sell. That Mexican bank was providing almost 20% of Citibank’s income.

That’s going to hurt. If those Mexican banks are generating a good profit and ours aren’t, then maybe we should out source our executive positions over to Mexico?

– Poor in Sea-Tac. Well, PIST, Aren’t we the cranky one. What a bad year my poor bankers are having. Everyone wants to ream them a second asshole when only 18 months ago they were lining up to kiss those same asses. PIST, why don’t you help them out by bouncing a check. The late fees and penalties it would generate will make them so much happier.

– Lucifer, Lord of Ultimate Darkness.

Dear Most Evil One, I just read that a third of all surgeries are unnecessary. That’s one in three tits that are removed for breast cancer, or one in three balls chopped off for testicular cancer. Oh my God, that’s so creepy.

– Creeped Out in Denver

Riff Raff's Halloween and Art Show

L

et me tell you this: if you haven’t heard of The Koken Art Factory, then you need to chunk that piece of art you’ve been living under in the garbage, because it’s a rock with paint!

Koken is mostly known for its blowout event, Naughti Gras, but there doing a lot of more cozy shows there as of late, like The Golden Ladies, which featured our front cover artists Gina Simon and Virginia Harold. Most recently was Riff Raffs, a night of art, music, drink and costume. I’m sure you’re on the way to the trash now!

Well, Creeped, With everyone’s IRAs having fallen through the floor, and property values sinking fast, I would expect that percentage to increase. They got to make that boat payment somehow. Besides that’s only true if your insured. What, you’re going to say “NO” to your doctor?

– Lucifer, the Evil One

If you want to talk to God, see a psychiatrist, or email god@theseattlesinner.com.

To intercourse with the dark lord Lucifer, drink a bottle of Everclear or email lucifer@theseattlesinner.com.

photos by Terry Arnold

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Something Sinful This Way Comes February 13th @ The Fox Hole Celebrating 1 Year in Misery

with Live Music, Art, Burlesque and Sinful Performances Keep your eyes on these sites for details as they develop www.myspace.com/stlouissinner www.facebook.com/saintlouissinner 18

myspace.com/stlouissinner

written by Chuck Foster

V

irginia Harold is far more than the common photographer you find out at events snapping shots of bands and entertainers alike. Her first passion is art, but not one confined to the common conceptions of oils and canvas. She photographs, paints, and designs, creating works which often pushes one’s imagination down unfamiliar paths to worlds of pleasure and indulgence not known to most. She says her art is the essence of her nature, yet I find that to be more of a humble understatement than reality after experiencing it firsthand a few months back during The Golden Ladies exhibit at Koken Art Factory.

Flipping through the 30 albums present on Virginia’s MySpace page is quite the venture in itself. A harmonic balance of color and image is noticeable to the most lazy eye, each opening a door to another world, each cast in a separate light. Looking through her lens in high school she discovered that looking is not enough, but that you must learn how to see when you look – a good philosophy for life in general. As a student of photography at Saint Charles Community College she learned the fundamentals of photography, but also gained inspiration from Mark Fisher and Kate Sanker. Looking back she believes that knowing the basics of photography enabled her to travel her own path and continue to explore other worlds of creation.

Virginia’s unique path of creativity and exploration allowed our paths to cross recently, putting her friend and model, Samantha, on our front cover. When speaking of this shot she says, “Offering was a process, a night’s worth of effort.” It took her an hour alone to airbrush Samantha and “doodle” the basement wall for a backdrop. The cover shot featured was the last one taken, “a spontaneous idea that became a success.” From that one enduring night she reminisced the awe of liquidity found in paint and digital magic.

She feels fortunate to be part of the St. Louis art scene today. She believes that within this city is a melting pot of diverse ideas and cultures, ultimately resulting in a constant evolution of art. She is certainly a factor in this evolution, but every artist faces challenges and diversity in their journey. For Virginia it came one afternoon while crossing a river. An accidental slip of the foot and hand sent her camera downstream, “It was like watching my life float away from me forever, because river’s don’t come back.” But this is also when she discovered that photography would shape her life, accepting that she could still overcome the loss of the past by investing in the future.

Virginia thanks her supportive mother who never lost faith in her, the models that trusted her abilities to translate a vision, and her inspiring friend Gustavo with her success as an artist. I wish I could share Virginia’s next showing with you today, but those details are still in the works. For now, though, you can find more of her works at www.virginiaharold.com and on MySpace at www.myspace.com/virginiaharold. She will also be live body painting at Conspiracy this month.

Well, I guess I can let each of you in on a little sinful gossip. Virginia, along with all of our past Sinner artists, will hopefully grace us with their presence this February 13th at The Fox Hole for One Hell-Of-AN Anniversary Party! As with most gossip, please keep that to yourself!

Or not...

Discovery of the places in St. Louis are like a treasure trove of goodness.

Recently I had a chance to finally get over to Urban Eats Cafe. A place I have been dying to visit.

Q: How long has Urban Eats been open?

We soft opened on May Strawberry smoothie. Can we say Delish?!!!

31, 2008. So a bit over a year. We are proud to have recently won the Mayor’s 2009 Business of the Year Award for the 25th ward.

The Urban Arts collective is a cooperative venture between artists and the café that benefits all the participants in exponentially generating attention for the artists’ work, foot traffic in the Downtown Dutchtown business district, and customers for the café. Each artist agrees to hold one event per month during their rotation commitment and each participant promotes all the others to their mailing list, in exchange for free rent and utilities from the Café. We like to have a good mix of media each rotation, artists that have more of what we consider to have an “urban” feel and artist that will proactively help promote the concept. We like to support South City Artists especially, when possible. We try to help the artists think about how to promote an event by planning ahead and creating a structure for each event, something that is not always easy for the artistic temperament.

Q: What type of cuisine, drinks, etc. ..... does Urban Eats offer?

Urban Eats Café is a casual, but cool, neighborhood space, with a social mission. We serve a select few high quality, tasty, healthy foods with an ethnic twist: made fast, and customized to your individual taste & pocketbook.

But the real “Why?” has to be seen from the perspective of the importance to the person consuming the product: excellence in food, value, service, ambiance, and finally, value added experience, such as knowing they are supporting a similar cause.

Our basic fare consists of flatbread pizzas (served on Indian Naan bread), wraps (on 12” whole wheat Mexican totillas), paninis (on Companion 5 grain or Pugliese sourdough white) and rice bowls (with basmati white rice). Protein choices are chicken, turkey, bacon & pepperoni, salmon, and eggplant caponata (vegetarian). Our basic sauce styles are Southwest, Italian, Asian, and House. We serve Salads, Soups, real fruit Smoothies and Desserts. Urban Eats offers Espresso drinks, soft drinks, Beer, Wine and our trademarked Boozies (smoothies with rum or vodka).

By the way you MUST try the Pumpkin Pie Boozie some time.

Truly a YUMMY treat!!

Smart sourcing allows us to offer the highest quality products at the best prices around. We make fabulous sauces and offer some very unique items you can’t find anywhere else in the city- for example: our famous Stuffed Muffins and our own home made soymilk, made fresh from the soybeans, no comparison to storebought!

Q: Explain the Arts Collective? How does it work, how can an artist apply?

How long does the art rotation run through?

Arts Collective - Ashley Alverado. Incredible Works!!

Artists can apply by visiting our website at urbaneatscafe.com/ Arts.html Each Rotation is 90 days, with a minimum commitment of one show per month, per artist. We have 4 artists each rotation. The next rotation will be starting January 2010 and I am currently looking at artists for that.

Try one of Urban Eats Tasty Wraps!

Q: Why should people come out and visit Urban Eats?

Urban Eats Café’s mission is urban revitalization and sole reason for the our existence. Meramec Street was once a thriving neighborhood commercial district. In the last 20 years, along with many other downtown areas, it was decimated by the advent of suburban malls and big box stores. People are now looking for a “3rrd Place” once again to reconnect. To meet friends, hang out, catch a bite on the way home, hold a business lunch meeting, order appetizers for an event, have a glass of wine and see new art, order boxed lunches for an office meeting, or relax over brunch. We offer healthier, more complex flavors in the food offerings and are involved in our neighborhood community.

From Left to Right: John Chen and Caya Aufiero

For More Information on Urban Eats Cafe: www.urbaneatscafe.com OR facebook.com/UrbanEatsCafe Business Hours: Mon-Sat, 10am - 7pm, Sunday, 10am - 3pm Happy Hours daily 4pm - 7pm They are also open for group or private events up to 12am. Be sure to check their website for holiday closings.

Urban Eats Cafe is located on the corner of Meramec St. and Virginia Avenue.

Urban Eats Cafe 3301 Meramec Street, St. Louis, MO 63118 Phone: 314. 558. 7580 Fax Order 314. 735. 0041

V I S U A L A RT O P E N I N G S Urban Eats Cafe Arts Collective - Read above article for contact info.

Sunday, November 1,”Totally Wired” 11a-2p Gena Brady Allen,Artist— Photographs which reflect on phenomena that play a major role in modern life: instant communication, electricity and anxiety.

Sunday, November 8, “The Other Side of the Human Soul” 11a-3p Danielle Correll, Artist— Inside of all of us, we are the same regardless of color, religion, creed, etc. We are all the same equals. Danielle invites you on this journey to look inside your own soul by viewing her work and envisioning the other side of the human soul. She takes the human form on a different path by removing their skin; their outer layer so you can see into their souls. Certainly an interesting show not to miss. daniel@duanereedgallery.com www.duanereedgallery.com

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Saturday, November 15, “Musically Speaking” Cindy Royal, Artist —11a-3p Cindy’s current works are a culmination of ground papiermâché, fibers, and vestiges of an entertainment career. Retired records and musical instruments are taken to a new realm. Spare parts are woven into new projects. This is my favorite way to recycle paper and to utilize discarded objects.

Saturday, November 21, “Formerly Pruitt-Igoe” Tom Lampe, Artist 4p7p—Pruitt-Igoe was a failed urban housing project built in St. Louis in 1954-55 and demolished in 1972-74. It was designed by architect Minoru Yamasaki, who also designed the World Trade Center towers. These photos represent a sampling of how the area appeared circa 2007 as transformed into a bizarre nature reserve/dumping area.

Our Intimate Perception; The Haunting Works of Aunia Kahn Friday, November 6, 2009 at 6:00pm through Sunday, December 6, 2009 at 6:00pm Concrete Ocean Gallery, 2257 South Jefferson, Saint Louis,MO. This Solo exhibition showcasing the haunting works of renowned artists and designer Aunia Kahn.

One piece of artwork will be up for raffle, half of the proceeds will benefit a local charity (TBA). Come meet the artist, enjoy art and get something special to take home for the holidays!

Dale Chihuly Presented by Duane Reed Gallery Visual Art General Audiences November 20th, Duane Reed Gallery presents: Dale Chihuly Chihuly’s distinctive glass sculpture is represented by over 180 international

museums including the Louvre, MOMA, the Whitney Museum, the Metropolitan Museum and the Victoria and Albert Museum. His recent exhibition at the Kew Botanical Garden in London drew in 950,000 visitors. Chihuly’s popularity also has a special art historical resonance. His work owes much to the grand tradition of Renaissance era Venetian glass, yet his work squarely sits in the modern avant-garde. Critic Donald Kuspit commented that Chihuly, with an intention to transform and deepen consciousness, was able to ‘find transcendence in the medium itself. He mythologizes glass into the ideal medium of expression’. In this visionary leap Chihuly’s rare ability to conceive of sculptural glass on a monumental scale revolutionized the medium Ticket Information This event is free and open to the public. For More Information Daniel McGrath (314) 361-4100

FAST AFFORDABLE GRAPHICS & WEBSITES!

AFFORDABLE, FAST, NO KNOWLEDGE OF ANY OF THE FANCY CODE. Yes Even You can have A websIte! Get Started Today!

INFO@MID-NITESUNLTD.COM

myspace.com/stlouissinner

Skin Deep with Stu

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et me start by Saying that the purpose of this monthly column is to offer information and a personal view on matters involving body piercing and modification and is in no way meant to put myself above any other artist in the industry. Secondly, if you have a horror story and choose to share it with us, DO NOT give the name of the artist involved as I will just omit it anyway.

There are many artists in the St. Louis and surrounding areas that deserve nothing but the utmost respect from myself and supporters of our shared profession. If you have a question about piercing/modification, a story, or just a desire to better understand the culture and would like that answered, please send them to: stumodifies@yahoo.com

Cryrolfe Photography

Hi honey, how ya doin? Hope everything’s going nicely around...ma name is venessa, one of ma friends gave me your details cuz I have a query about a particular piercing which is called jungle piercing... some places it’s called rhyno/septril though. Basicall, I'd like to get a piercing on the tip of ma nose and it has to be pierced with a labret spike where the spike sits on the tip of ma nose and the back of the jewellery would sit flat inside ma nose... could ya tell me a bit of wut the procedures would be like? I heard ma septum has to be removed before the piercing would take place... plz help out by telling me details of the process...and also lemme know if ya do perform this type of piercing yourself...thank ya honey...love ya xxxx – Venessa, Schenectady, New York It is certainly something that can, and has been done, but you are right to say there would need to be some type of preparation of the septum. I do not, however, think it would be necessary to remove the septum. In fact, I believe it may actually hinder the process assuming I am understanding what your saying correctly in actually removing the layered cartilage triangularly and in excess. I would suggest to do a small punch of tissue horizontally through the inferior anterior of the septum cartilage above the maxilla. Next would be inserting a tunnel, that I would suggest healing first and later setting a stud traveling through the greater alar cartilage and through the tunnel itself. There are certain types of materials that are capable of being pierced through and can even be used for the initial piercing itself, but in some cases this method may be found to prolong healing and even raise the risk of infection. PLEASE NOTE: To perform this properly in the way you are suggesting the needle must travel through the Greater alar directly in the center as it is divided into two sections that run on both sides of the nose. Failure to do this may cause swelling in excess and heavy irritation due to the jewelry being pulled/stretched as the movement of the face and nose occurs. Be certain that whoever you choose to perform the procedure understands this point. Also, punching causes more bleeding than the everyday Piercing, so prepare yourself both mentally and physically for this fact.

Your other option would be micro-dermal Implantation, where a small pocket on the tip of your nose will be created and a small footing will be implanted. This is a much quicker and less painful process, however the jewelry may or may not be able to point straight forward from the nose depending on your anatomy (shape/ size of the tip of your nose) and the jewelry selected. It also may or may not remain flush to the skin depending on the healing and technique of the practitioner. The above option may be more painful and time consuming but in my opinion will offer a better over all heal and will be easier to remove with little to no visual scarring.

Both options are reasonably safe ones, however, please note that some risks may include but are not limited to: SINUS IRRITATION/INFECTION, SWELLING, TEMPORARY OR IN RARE OCCASION PERMANENT NUMBNESS, REJECTION/JEWELRY MIGRATION, SCARRING IN EXCESS, SOME AMOUNT OF SMELLING LOSS, AND THE PIERCINGS INABILITY TO HEAL. This is in no way meant to change or direct your opinion in either direction. Your piercing may heal perfectly or it may not. It is up to you, your body, and the skill of the professional you choose. Please be sure to study up on proper aftercare techniques and work with your artist to find the best method for you personally.

Thanks for your message. I hope that I was helpful in some way. Looking forward to hearing from you.

All questions will be answered by email or by a request for you to call me directly and may be in the next issue of the St. Louis Sinner! Thanks for reading!

Stu (Myspace.com/StuModifies - Facbook.com/StuModifies) Self Inflicted Studios (Myspace.com/sistl) 1328 Washington Ave in St. Louis - (314)-621-4660

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An Atomic Halloween with The Stl Sinner

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myspace.com/stlouissinner

Doc, Like I’m totally straight, right. But my roommate is gay.

He’s hot and all with a great body and he’s this total sex addict. Sometimes I hear him pounding ass through the wall. When he’s d runk he tells me about the guys he’s screwing and it’s like all this really nasty stuff.

I’m like totally not into cock or anything, but I can’t help but wonder how it feels to touch one. I see my roommate naked all the time. He’s like this total exhibitionist. Sometimes he even has a piss hardon in the morning. Nasty! I don’t pay much attention, but I sometimes just want to reach out and grab his thing just to see what he would say. I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea. If my GF ever found out she’d freak.

So do you think my roommate would mind if I copped a feel? It’s not like it isn’t already hanging out and stuff.

Do you think he’d rat on me to my GF? — Curious Like you are so totally NOT straight, dude. You’re like the biggest closeted flamer in the whole world. You’re just itching for an opportunity to smoke yourself some pole, but you can’t admit it. Hmmm, sounds like several prominent Republicans I know…but I digress.

Like I’ll bet you totally jerk off while your hot roommate is pounding ass next door. And I think your GF is a pathetic beard.

She’s got her eye on you, don’t ‘cha know. She knows that if she turns her back for just one minute, you’ll be taking it up the poop-shoot before she can say “Friend of Dorothy”.

Let’s face it; you want your GF to find out about your secret obsession. BTW, what kind of selfrespecting chick dates a closet case like you anyway? I mean, like how could your roommate rat you out when everyone already has your number? Darlin’, when you find out you’re a homo, everyone will know.

Dude, like you are totally gonna grab your roommates package one of these days, regardless of what I say or what he may think. Like you are totally self-deluded about not caring that he walks around the house sporting a giant boner. And that shit you’re

trying to feed me about being scandalized by his nasty exploits; PLEASE! Me thinks you doth protest too much.

Listen up! If your roommate is a nice guy, and you aren’t the total skulking dweeb you appear to be. If you have the balls to come clean with your roommate about your true identity, and he’s hasn’t pounded any ass in the past 12 hours. And if he’s feeling really generous, and you ask him real nice; Yes, I think there is a slim chance he’ll bone you big time. It will, of course, be a mercy fuck, but at least you’ll finally know total bliss.

Like, totally go for it, dude. Sheesh!

I got more of a story than a question. I’m gay, average looks, kinda burly and I really dig sex. Problem is, cuz I’m not all gym buff, I’m not gettin laid like I should. I’ve tried everything, online personals, internet chat rooms, phone hook up lines, everything. WTF? While I’m online lookin for a hookup, I notice something that blows me away. There are a lot of queers lookin to hookup with straight guys. At first I think that’s messed up. There are a lot of us queers out there, like me, who ain’t gettin their share and you wanna service a straight dude?

Now I’m all depressed. Ok, so then I try little experiment. Next time I’m online, I post an ad like always, same stats same everything, only this time I say I’m straight. Damn if I don’t get hit up by a half dozen guys right away. Guys that wouldn’t have given me the time of day when I was “gay”.

I decide to go for it, like now I just want to see if I can pull this off. Guess what, I got the best sex I ever had. I turned guys away even. This is really messin with my head.

I decide to really get into this. Sayin things like my girlfriend can’t suck dick for shit and I got this five day load of straight man spunk hold up for some faggot cocksucker. I can barely keep a straight face, no pun intended. I put this picture of my sister in a frame by my bed and tell all my tricks she’s my girlfriend. I’ve even got this chick at work to join in the fun and call me when some dude’s blowin’ me. I have her start raggin’

Dr Dick’s Sex Advice

Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS Sex Therapist, Sexual Health Counselor and Sex Advice Columnist www.drdicksexadvice.com

on me like some real girlfriend and then she wants to know what that sound is in the background. This fuckin’ drives my trick wild, cuz he thinks he gettin authentic straight man dick. BTW, the chick from work thinks it’s a riot.

This works for sure. Fags are so gullible; it’s fuckin incredible. But I worry cuz I want a boyfriend and this isn’t gonna get me one. Even if one of my tricks turns out to be the man of my dreams, I couldn’t respect him or trust him knowing he’s tryin to make straight guys.

— Scott What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive! All this just to get laid, Scott? Holy Cow! While the good doctor is truly entertained by your delightful story, he is as depressed as you to learn the lengths a gay man has to go to these days just to get

another gay man to suck his dick.

The good doctor also concurs with your statement that you’ll probably not find a BF this way. And I’d like to point out the obvious. What’s with this bullshit double standard you have? You say you couldn’t respect or trust any guy who is out trying to make straight guys.

Yet you don’t call yourself on the mammoth deception you practice. Curious how we can point out the sliver in another man’s eye, even when we have a plank in our own.

You do, however, get extra points for your creativity. I love the touch of having the chick from work call you while you are in flagrante delicto. That’s beautiful. A+.

Good luck

This, I Shamelessly Tell You Thoughts On the Politics of Food and Sexy Bits On How to Love Beyond Gender, or How I Learned to Embrace the Man In Me and Love Him Dearly

by Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid

(c) 2009 Seattle Next Door Model: Mikano

T

wo things are happening as I’m writing this (well three, if you count me having to pee, but ignoring so I don’t lose my train of thought to write this column). I’m indulging my inner beast by pigging out on some delish broccoli beef instead of ‘being a good little dieter’ and enjoying a meal of soup and salad (okay, I don’t diet, but I do cut down when my feet start bothering me, indicating I’m carrying too much weight on my small frame). Also, I’m reflecting on how I hated last night’s soup, something that came out of one of those ‘Imagine’ boxes touted to be healthy ‘cause it’s sold in a health food store (in this case, the newly yuppified Madison Market). Maybe that’s why I’m eating broccoli, beef and rice tonight.

At least I know what’s in this un-pc foam container, having watched a human being prepare it in front of me. Last night’s soup, tomato, was as little actual tomato as the company could get away with and still put that name on the box. Not a good meal.

That experience and a few others like that have gotten me to thinking of how much our food has become more about profit and shelf life than actual nutrition and makes me long to finally have the money to return to the farmer’s market I usually go to. Except money’s been too tight for that until this week, and it’s not Sunday yet, so that could change. That makes me think of my eternal rant that my life partner and I – both of us being the untypical worker, who are at our core artists, not drones – both who rant about that food and shelter should be guaranteed to all. That healthy food should be a priority, not the attractiveness of the product or the length of time it can stay on a shelf. Makes my head hurt to think on the whole matter, but there we are for now.

Ah, but as I ravenously consume my hand prepared meal, I’m also reminded how hungry other parts of me are. How much I do miss my life partner, who is as I write, doing the ten to when-

ever they allow him to leave, on his/her job at yet another Walmart clone. How, being an energy vampire – or so I classify myself – I’m starting to feel the pangs of hunger only another human being’s sexual response can satisfy. Starting to even fantasize about people I’d cross the street to avoid on a regular basis and putting out so many pheromones at my gym, that two guys walked near me on the treadmill and nearly turned into instant, chest beating cavemen in my presence yesterday.

I need my little wonder kitty/slave desperately and that makes me think about how I came to be involved with this lovely package of gender bending sexiness in the first place.

I won’t take up time telling you the whole deal of our meeting, and then taking a top/bottom relationship into the bedroom, then declaring like silly teenagers how we were in love after four months of play. I will tell you that we’re on a frontier that most people not only don’t dare walk into, but most run away from like their genitals are on fire. He’s a she when I dress him up like my life-size Barbie doll and I’m a he when I’m with that transformed person, even if I’m wearing my usual goth makeup, a bra and racy undies under my leggings. The package isn’t who I am. The ‘wetware’, my stuff inside, the point of view from which I look at the world (like the kind of male

Hugh Hefner created Playboy for) is. That person is a guy who flirts with men and women, in front of my partner or on my own. Good thing he/she’s not jealous or my ass would be grass by now.

Was I always a boy in girl’s undies? Yes, so much so that I distinctly remember trying to pee standing up when I was about four and being hella pissed that I couldn’t make it work. So much so that when I slept with only the second Black woman I’ve even slept with and she, being as butch as me, flipped me on my back the way I’m used to doing the women I’ve slept with, I blinked like a deer in headlights. Needless to say, we became better friends, but didn’t repeat that first foray into sex. I like being in charge, like being the Bogart to my life partner’s Katherine Hepburn (in The African Queen). I like ‘my woman’ to be submissive, and ‘my woman’ likes being submissive, so it works. No matter that most folks whisper when we enter a room ‘dressed’. Oh, and the sex is dynamite rolled in a volcano topped with a tsunami. Now, if only I could get the average Joe to stop catcalling me on the street, or get them to just give themselves to my vampire tendencies, then walk away, life would be just damned near perfect. Another day.

This, I shamelessly tell you.

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