Modern Parody of Pride & Prejudice ANDY ZHANG JOHN BURROUGHS SCHOOL Written for my 10th grade English class at John Burroughs, these diary entries sought to convey the life of the eccentric Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice as a teenager in the modern world. She begins her journey at NICDS, a parody of MICDS due to their natural rivalry with Burroughs. Aug 16 The perfect way to start the tenth-grade year as a new transfer student isn’t to be called ugly by the universally-acknowledged hot guy in the grade, but that’s exactly what happened to me. I wanted my impression on other people to be “Wow, the new girl Lizzy Bonnet is really creative, smart, and fiery!” I didn’t expect it to be more along the lines of “Oh, is that new person the one Darcy roasted?” (Which is something I heard literally someone say when I was walking in the halls after school.) I’ll give you the rundown of what the hell I think happened. This morning was my first day at the fancy “Netherfield Institute Country Day School,” or NICDS (which is ironic because people have already made fun of me for looking like a country girl), and I think I hate it already. My mom wanted me and my sister, Jane, to go because it’s going to provide a “good education” and maybe we’ll “end up marrying one of the rich boys.” As if, they’re probably all pretentious pricks. Anyway, I walk through the obnoxiously massive courtyard to get to the main building, and the whole time my sister keeps repeating about how gorgeous it is, or something, and I’m just rolling my eyes, imagining a timeline where she wouldn’t be able to only say nice things. She eventually turned to walk towards the senior commons and I walked by myself to the sophomore commons. My first class was chemistry, funnily enough, as I had the least amount of chemistry for the child I was going to have the dissatisfaction of meeting: Darcy Barnesitano. This guy is your stereotypical jock highschooler, probably with a GPA failing more than Jane trying to be mean. The teacher started to draw names for lab partners (I’m getting to the roasting part now), and I overhear one of Darcy’s friends saying something like “I wouldn’t mind pairing with that cute new girl,” and Darcy audibly says, for the entire class to hear, “Eh for my standards she’s a 4/10 at best.” Cue my red ears and the class going “Oooh burn!” I did not partner with him, thank God, but I learned that I had FOUR
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