14 minute read
Restoring Connections
Supporting Students in a Pandemic
Life as we knew it was flipped upside-down when the pandemic hit—especially for our children. Routines that defined the day were disrupted as schools pivoted to online learning, canceling after-school activities like sports, clubs, and social events. When these environments collapsed, children not only lost structure but a community. In the months that followed, these losses profoundly affected our children's social and emotional health—and still do.
School counselors prepared for this year at Stone Ridge knowing it would be “significantly more transitional than in the pre-pandemic days,” says Denise Key, Upper School Director of Counseling and Student Support. As students eased back into the school routine, the counselors knew greater attention would need to be paid to students' social and emotional health as well as academics. The counselors intentionally began the year by strengthening communal bonds. In addition to their direct work with students, Stone Ridge counselors increased their capacity to help teachers and parents support children in and outside of the classroom. Their efforts stand as a true testament to Goal IV, building community as a Christian value, as they face the unprecedented need for social and emotional support head-on.
Routines
School routines provide children with a sense of safety; they know what is expected of them. Children learn constructive behaviors through structure and routine and build essential executive functioning skills like flexible thinking, self-control, planning, and time management. After-school activities provide children with dedicated time to build physical skills and find their passions. Routines also enable students to nurture friendships and build support systems.
“This is the third academic year with COVID,” says Ms. Key, “the last time our 9th graders had a full year of regular school was in 6th grade.” Helping students restore their social lives and balance academics has been a key theme this year, especially as students report higher levels of stress, anxiety, and exhaustion. Students are challenged by adjusting to the demands of an 8-hour school day and the need to rebuild their social circles and support systems. From the counselors' perspectives, during this transitive year it is pivotal for students to regain the academic and social stamina they once had.
Chantell PrescottHollander works with Lower School students on breathing techniques and identifying their feelings, along with building communication skills.
Relationships
Being in relationships with others is an essential part of how young girls connect and develop. Stone Ridge's commitment to social and emotional learning has been a pillar for counselors and teachers in restoring these connections. “We all engage in the wellness and socialemotional learning of our students,” says Ms. Key, “it's not just confined to the counseling offices.” The school day is intentionally built around community and connection. Social and emotional lessons are embedded into programming
throughout the divisions. Spaces like Advisory, the Heart Program, Gator of the Week, the Big Sister Little Sister Program, and Primes are running strong this year, giving students a place to feel valued and connected.
“We start that idea of community literally from the day a kid enters here,” says Lower School Counselor Chantell Prestcott-Hollander. Activities like morning meetings and hands-on project-based academics maximize the way girls learn. Through collaboration, they create a sense of belonging and gain valuable social skills. For younger Lower School children, unstructured play provides problem-solving and conflict resolution lessons. As they returned to school, Ms. Prescott-Hollander noticed the girls, especially young children, needing more time to build foundational social skills through playtime. Additionally, for the older girls, Ms. Prescott-Hollander has increased lessons on effective communication to address feelings of being left out of social circles.
Play throughout the pandemic is how our Middle School students have reduced their anxiety and maintained relationships. When students enter their middle school years, new social skills are acquired and practiced daily. They try on different identities and explore different friend groups in pursuit of their true interests. Middle School Counselor Hope Hallock reflects that while the pandemic interrupted this natural social process, students adapted and connected online through multiplayer video games, group chats, and watching the same shows online. Now that they are back in person, she says she sees students interested more in lowtech play like cards and board games. As a result, Ms. Hallock created Game Gatherings in which all grades can participate to build that community.
Uniquely, in Upper School, as students rebuild relationships, Upper School Psychologist Dr. Nikola Edgar says she sees students who are exhausted by the increased socialization. While previous generations enjoyed socializing with peers after school and on weekends, today's teenagers have spent extensive time quarantined with loved ones. Some prefer spending time with family over friends. Others feel like they are being reintroduced to a new school. To help her students connect, Ms. Key builds a “sense of common humanity,” she says, by using icebreakers and communitybuilding activities in her seminar classes. These activities allow students to know themselves and develop more meaningful connections within a structured setting.
Living with Stress and Anxiety
Managing schoolwork, relationships, and living in times of uncertainty can be overwhelming for students as they wonder what will happen next. Teaching them to recognize and manage stress and anxiety is paramount for Stone Ridge counselors. “Our goal is not to eliminate stress and anxiety,” says Ms. Key, but to embrace them as a part of life. Psychoeducation helps students better understand stress and anxiety, gain coping skills, and identify internal and external resources to establish a sense of control. Under Ms. Key's guidance, girls investigate how stress and anxiety impact them mentally and physically. They pinpoint the behaviors resulting from stress and anxiety to develop better coping strategies. The goal is to equip the student to be “in the driver's seat, instead of being the passenger,” to stress, says Ms. Key.
Dr. Edgar and Ms. Hallock teach their students various techniques to stay connected to their experience and in control when stress and anxiety arise. Students
Middle School students play classic games like Uno during a Game Gathering to decompress and build community.
identify their levels of stress on a scale of 1–10, or get creative and give weather reports to describe how they feel in their bodies. Once they can identify their stress, students can share how they feel with the group. Though scary at first, publicizing their feelings enables students to gain perspective. It also empowers others to relate and offer suggestions on how to cope. Students can leave the class knowing that “they aren't the only ones,” Ms. Hallock says.
Managing stress and anxiety in Lower School relies on many of the same principles. Ms. Prescott-Hollander builds students' social-emotional foundations by teaching them to recognize feelings and use mindfulness techniques to help self-regulate. Calming breathing techniques like the bunny, owl, and hot chocolate breaths have been successful for young children to calm their bodies and minds. Ms. Prescott-Hollander emphasizes advocating for one's needs, self-love, and giving permission to make mistakes and be imperfect in older Lower School students. They also often use gratitude practices to shift perspective of a situation, a tool Ms. Key sees Upper School students using as well.
Empowered and Resilient
The pandemic has definitely “destigmatized the role of a therapist and counselor,” Ms. Key says; it brought mental health to the forefront and “offered [people] the opportunity to ask for help and get access” to muchneeded resources. Students are empowered to work with their mental health more openly. The counselors notice many parents following through with referrals to ensure their families get the help they need. As students prioritize self-care and compassion, they build resiliency and normalize the importance of protecting mental health.
Upper School counselors Denise Key and Nikola Edgar work with students to help them learn to cope with stress and anxiety..
“It's interesting that concept of resiliency,” says Ms. Key. She often reminds students that though something may seem complicated, they have managed challenges throughout the pandemic. But, Ms. Key says it's up to adults to capitalize on these moments and help students reflect on “the concept that I can be uncomfortable and be okay.” Ms. Prescott-Hollander describes Lower School students as “crazy resilient” and talks to students about grace and space to give people the benefit of the doubt, assume the best, and try to see things from others' perspectives. Resiliency has also shown up in some students who found academic success during the pandemic. Ms. Hallock says she has seen some students enter this year with more “academic self-esteem.”
Ms. Key acknowledges that while students are in a different place than usual, she cautions measuring where students “should” be under these unprecedented and historical times. Considering this pandemic as a formidable experience, the counselors see students leaning into their strengths as challenges arise. Most of all, in the true spirit of Goal IV, Stone Ridge remains a place where every girl has a space. “They just want to take care of each other, love each other,” says Ms. Prescott-Hollander. The counselors see the students express gratitude more often: gratitude for school, their friends, teachers, and families. Guided by their faith, they advocate for themselves and others in need—true examples of a Sacred Heart education.
Wednesdays' Advisory in Grades 7 and 8, centered on educating the whole child, is packed with grade-level content, and health and wellness activities. Middle School Social Studies teacher Dr. Bridget Riley, and Middle School Religion teacher Sally Ingram, sought to build on this foundation and give students consistent and meaningful social-emotional learning experiences that could apply across their school experiences. Over the summer, they devised the What Connects Us Wednesdays (WCUW) program by incorporating Learning for Justice's Social Justice Standards with Catholic Social Teaching and the Sacred Heart Goals and Criteria. The curriculum's goal is to foster a Catholic understanding that humans are interdependent, connected in the love of God, and following the School's commitment to Goal IV, educating all members of the community to the charism, mission, and heritage of the Society of the Sacred Heart.
Dr. Riley and Ms. Ingram developed the content to be fun for middle schoolers. “Don't underestimate the power of a simple question,” says Dr. Riley; by using simple questions, students can easily stay engaged. Simple activities, like exploring what a name means, can open up conversations to unexpected places. “Middle School students love talking about themselves,” says Dr. Riley, “but they don't always have the tools and the vocabulary—the lexicon,” to dive into the complex layers of identity. Dr. Riley and Ms. Ingram see the girls going beyond the surface level of their identity, using what they learn in Advisory to delve into their hopes and dreams. They pinpoint characteristics that unite them or set them apart from others. “What is more Sacred Heart than thinking about how we are all unique and we have our own special things about us, but then also are connected in the love of God, love of neighbor, love of community?” says Dr. Riley.
In the first quarter, Advisory conversations focused on identity and the interconnectedness of the human family. The principles of Catholic Social Teaching related to the human family and the dignity of the human person ground the students' explorations as lessons on diversity, stereotypes, and labeling are incorporated throughout the year. They build on questions like, how does my
identity impact how I interact and perceive others? Why does it matter how I am perceived? How does perception shape how I walk through life? “It becomes like a mosaic,” says Ms. Ingram, as topics are added to the WCUW framework, layer by layer. Through reflecting and getting to truly know themselves, the girls gain empathy and the foundation to discuss diversity with a deep understanding of a common humanity and their call to work for justice.
WCUW is wildly successful and embraced by the Middle School community. The curriculum transforms Advisory into an environment where each community member is “valued, cared for, heard, and respected.” Students can be vulnerable, be themselves, and learn to be with each other. Ms. Ingram says the program “is like a connective tissue … that is temporal and internal” that supports everything in the classroom from social studies to religion, language arts, and beyond.
PARENTS: WHY PUTTING YOUR OXYGEN MASK ON FIRST MAKES SENSE
by Nicole CuttsSR, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and Success Coach
Saying that parenting is challenging, especially in the time of COVID, would probably garner the “Understatement of the Century Award” (if there were such a thing). Juggling your child’s education, your work, and the family calendars amidst the ever-changing protocols and newly emerging variants of this worldwide pandemic can be enough to drive one over the edge. Every aspect of parenting has been fraught for parents managing complex situations and making anxious new decisions. It’s no wonder that in your efforts to be good parents, you may be tempted to abandon any hope for self-care. 1. Make Self-Care a Priority: You must first see this as a necessity and priority!
2. Make a Self-Care List: Write down anywhere from 3–5 self-care behaviors. Make the list fun. Include things you enjoy, not just things you think you should do.
Nakeva Photography
But now, more than ever, we must heed the instructions we’ve always heard when flying (remember air travel?) —“should the cabin experience sudden pressure loss, stay calm. Oxygen masks will drop down; place the mask over your mouth and nose. If you are traveling with children, make sure that your mask is on first before helping your children.”
What they don’t say is, “You only have seconds to put on your mask before lack of oxygen will trigger symptoms of hypoxia: weakness, disorientation, inability to recognize faces and shapes, unconsciousness then death.” Instead, we understand that if we don’t take care of ourselves first, we can’t help anyone else. The same is true in everyday life and even more so today when running yourself down increases the likelihood of getting ill.
As a clinical psychologist and success coach, I can’t tell you the number of parents who still think self-care is selfish or frivolous—but reality proves otherwise. Adults fail to recognize that self-care is imperative to their health. We give it to ourselves and teach it to our children as they learn from the very actions we model.
I can hear you now as you read this, “That’s easier said than done, but how and where do I find the time?” That’s a valid question, and that’s why I’ve provided this list of 6 tips that may help. 3. Set Your Goal and State Your Commitment: Be realistic. If you start small that’s great! Examples: exercise 30 minutes three times a week; meditate 5 minutes daily; get a massage once a month; eat proper meals; get out in nature whenever you can. Once you set your goals, share this commitment with someone else (perhaps an accountability partner) who can help you be accountable.
4. Schedule Your Self-Care: Just like you schedule work meetings or kid’s games, put whatever self-care activities you committed to in your calendar and treat it with the respect it deserves!
5. Assess Your Plan: After two weeks or a month check in with yourself and your accountability partner. How are you doing? Do you need to revise your plan? Do you need to be more realistic? Do you need help and how can you ask for help? If you missed a deadline don’t waste time beating yourself up (that’s not self-care) just pick a new deadline.
6. Continue to Monitor, Celebrate Your Wins, and Keep Going: I recommend assessing your progress monthly. Share your wins with your accountability partner. Take time to reflect on how you feel. To stay encouraged, I recommend a daily practice called the 3 & 5. Write down or think of three good things you did for yourself that day and five things for which you are grateful. Remember to practice self-compassion i.e., via self-talk. Talk to yourself as you would your best friend. If you fall off just start again.
Pro Tip: Check out Agreement 4 of Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements (1997). Connect with Dr. Nicole Cutts @visionquestretreats on Facebook.
