Pride lands

As part of SGN’s Pride 10 celebrations, Resources invited members to contribute their Pride story to form the Pride Lands. Here we share their submissions and hope you too can take pride in what they have achieved and inspired you to feel proud of who you are, or even who you are to be...

Jeffdabear1

One of the proudest I have ever been is when I walked into this years Coronation of my local Imperial Court, almost 20 years to the day of the first time I have attended the event. The first time I was a very ignorant, arrogant person who knew little of how his community or the world at large worked, a nobody. This time when I came in, I was annouced to the entire gathering, a little older, a little wiser, but almost everyone in the room knew who I was, which still blows my mind. i am primarily affiliated with my home's bear community but over the past two decades I have developed a reputation as someone who is not afraid of reaching across boundaries and working with other organizations. I never expected to receive a lifetime title, much less half of what I have earned over the years. I guess it does prove that one person can make a difference if they are willing to set their mind to it.

Kierix

I always am, and always will be proud and in love with every member of stonewall gaming network, whether it be as a friend or pseudo family member. You are all amazing in my eyes and it wouldn't be the same without you.

MadHatch

What does Pride mean for me?

It means not being afraid of who I am.

I grew up in the 70's/80's - not the most open time to be gay. Sh*t happened (as it often does in life) and by 90's I was coming to terms with all it (seriously, you don't need the details). In 1995 I was outed by a member of my family. And... Yes, they tried to make it shameful, they wanted me to hide - to change. But I didn't. I ended up having to leave home, leave my DNA family behind. 1995 was the first time I marched in London Pride. I had a boyfriend, I had friends - and for the first time in my life I felt truly alive. I felt like I was free.

No road is without it's bumps, and now in 2019 the world (and I) are different from what they used to be. I don't hide who I am anymore. I am proud to say "husband" to my partner of 17 years. I am proud of the family I now have who loves me for who I am. I am an awesome Gruncle. I am a big softie when it comes to my furbaby (the destructive little minx). And my husband - I love being able to use that word - my husband is just awesome.

Chipz416 My absolute pride is the result of a weight loss journey. It feels that I’m exposing quite a bit of myself by writing this down, but it says a lot about my trust in this wonderful community that I feel safe and comfortable enough to write it down here. door, and literally helps nobody… I think it just comes down to finding a modus operandi that worked for me; data visualisation, spreadsheets, and making small changes based on that. Eating a little bit less, doing Zumba, taking a bike instead of a bus.

I weighed 91 kg back in June 2017, which was too much at my 1,72 m height. I never was overweight until I went to university and basically drank far too much beer every night which gained me a lot of extra kilos. I was never able to successfully get it of anymore, despite the many many times I tried or started a diet. This time it was different. I downloaded and installed an app called Lifesum, no I don’t own shares… It helped me a lot in accurately assessing my caloric intake and expenditure and this made it a whole lot easier to make better choices. I didn’t tell anyone as I’ve been unsuccessful so often and I was fearing people’s scrutinising reactions to yet another attempt. This time with the help of the app it worked, though! This obviously did a lot of good for my motivation, especially when other people started noticing. After about one year, I reached 66 kg, so that’s 25 kg less and I’m stable at that weight for about one year now already. I vividly remember two very emotional moments… The first one was when we were going on a flight to Hungary and we could take along a 24 kg suitcase. I weighed myself without the suitcase and then with… and I was surprised to see my old weight back on the scale, but now with a super-heavy suitcase! Another moment was when going for new clothes the first time after losing all that weight. Obviously your entire wardrobe can be thrown out and replaced for new clothes. I was a size XL, and when I first went to buy a new sweater I put on an M and was very proud that it fitted. The salesperson said that an S would suit me better though, and I tried that on and he was right! I bought the sweater and when me and my

Once the start was there, and I lost a few kilos, it

became very easy and even fun to keep it up! I am a big nerd, so I used spreadsheets with which I could analyse my data and make constantly updating forecasts and summaries of my progress. I even calculated that I needed to cut 6886,1 kcal to lose 1 kg of weight, which is close to the 7000 kcal/kg you find so often in a lot of articles. The entire thing just comes down to consuming less calories than you use over a longer period of time. This is quite an open

50 stonewallgaming.net husband left the shop, I was crying so hard outside on the street.

So... here it is, I hope it doesn't feel like I'm oversharing stuff, but it truly is the one thing I am most proud of.

Gravity With some prodding it was suggested i take part in this post and it was going to be all about my first pride experience but having seen what this is about i think i have something better, here we go. Growing up i had always been fairly quiet especially so at school (it was an all boys school in the 90s) where i was the classic nerd and not super popular but i had a good group of friends. Suffice to say puberty hit and it became apparent to me i was not the same as the other boys at school. This was something i tried to keep secret but at one point i trusted the wrong person and the news got out. What followed was two years of the most unpleasant bullying the details of which are fairly irrelevant to this post. I felt deeply ashamed of myself and just became something of a hermit never leaving my room and never talking to anyone. I didn't go to university though i had offers and it was only two years later when the schools careers officer rang me asking if i planned to ever go i decided to put an application in. I owe a lot to her because i likely would never have done so without prompting. Going to university changed my life i became so much more comfortable and happy in myself but i was always still shy when it came to men and i was nervous in gay situations. During my years there i got used to the idea that i was gay but there was always part of me that held back and i was still very shy in public. During my entire time at university i never once kissed someone on a night out or even bought someone a drink. I was essentially hiding away from my gayness, whilst i had accepted it was part of who i was i was scared to show it in public. Going forward to where i work now (BP) and there was quite a profound change in my personality. While Stonewall people may have always known me as the loud and seemingly confident person online it was not so in person. Working at BP i was supported and i came out to the people at work but i still never really spoke about my own life and in many respects i still didn't engage with the gay part of myself at all. The support i got at work helped and i was slowly becoming more confident in myself and slowly tuning into the loudmouth you all know (and tolerate) today. A turning point occurred when my local city was the UK city of culture and the pride event changed from a small provincial affair to a massive party to celebrate. As a volunteer for the city of culture i was sent to take part in the parade and it was a truly a life affirming experience. All these people coming out to support our community in a city in the north of England with a reputation for being a bit backwards, it genuinely warmed my heart. I slowly become more vocal about being gay both in and our of work and the real turning point happened later that year when the leader of our local BP Pride group left the company. There was nobody to take over this and he approached me and asked me to do it. I was horrified at the prospect of essentially being the local face for the LGBT+ community in the company. The alternative was that all activities in this area would stop entirely because these diversity and inclusion groups are run by volunteers and nobody else was stepping up. I took the decision that keeping the good work going was worth the discomfort on my part and i am so glad i did. This single action set in course a series of events that has massively increased my confidence and involves me standing in front of rooms filled with people giving educations sessions and even lobbying the leadership for change. I have arranged our continued sponsorship of the local pride parade and even get people from work to take part now. I have arranged multiple education sessions for people of all levels at the company. I have had meaningful discussions with alot of straight white middle aged men on topics such as trans rights and most recently i have been lobbying for some gender neutral toilets to be installed. I am so very proud that i had the courage to be willing to overcome the difficulties i had in my early life and truly accept myself. The change i have been bring about because of this may not be big but it has been incredibly meaningful to me.

I’m going to seperate my stories into two sections. The thing I’m most proud of happened in my real life and the other is all about you all and stonewall.

Let’s start with the most important.

I was always a fun-loving kid. I’d always prefer to mess about than to do any actual work and pretty much every report that my school sent home would always mention that I would excel if I just stopped playing and focused on my work. I don’t think my life is objectively better now than it should have been. I think that I should of had a better job and a higher quality of life due to the increased income and what not from finishing my university degree. However, I would never change what I managed to do during those two years. The trips to the solicitors, the plotting of important letters and the really difficult and painful decision (which i took) to cut all contact with my dads entire side of the family. My aunties and uncles and my cousins and any future kids they had were a casualty I had to sacrifice for my mothers mental health.

My first year of college my report from my tutor told me that I should sit in one corner of the classroom and a friend called Rob should sit in the farthest corner away from me so we would stop laughing and do some work. But I got her through it. The year of hell ended .. we moved into a new house (with financial help from my older brother) and she re-married to a much much much MUCH nicer man a few years later.

That came to a crashing end one day when i returned home late from my best friends house to find my mam and dad in a crippling argument before my mam ordered my dad to leave. It turned out that my mam had asked my dad to text me to see where I was and when my dads phone beeped my mam looked to see if I had replied, only to not see a reply from me but to see one from another women that my dad was … not being very Christian with. What followed is what I have since always called “Year of Hell” (I am a Star Trek fan after all) when really it was much more like two years. I was 17, I had just started uni and was a matter of weeks away from my 18th birthday. The proudest moments of my life are all contained within the year of hell. I at 18 had to protect my mother (it was just me and her at home) from a father who was determined to leave her penniless and homeless (and i guess me as well) while dealing with my mams fragile mental state. 18 years old, just a kid really and I had to physically stop my own mother from .. well .. making herself be no longer here. I spent night after night sleeping in the same bed as her, staying up until god knows when going over the same topics again and again. I dropped out of university twice and this spun my life into an entirely different path. If I do nothing else in my life, I will forever be proud of my actions during the year of hell. I was 18 .. but I did what I had to do. I got it done. Now onto you all and Stonewall. The years that followed I struggled myself to cope with the aftermath. My own mental state was battered (i think a lot of my current anxiety issues and social phobia could be a result of the year of hell). I’ve struggled to maintain friendships or even bond in the way I see other people do. Stonewall was and is the first place on the internet where I truly felt like I could open up and be myself. I had been in other guilds before and people knew me through my characters and through my in-game personalities but Stonewall was the first place where people got to know Peter as well as Halish. In the early days I entered the contest to design the Stonewall Fleet logo and went with a design which I thought resembled both a combadge and a ship in the shape of the letters SF. To my surprise everyone seemed to like the logo and suddenly I was getting messages from people like Nick and other early days higher-ups in the fleet and my logo was selected and is still used now. I’m very proud of this and proud to see it recently adorn clothing warn by real people in the real world.

Eventually i was given the opportunity to be an officer in KoS and then the Chief of Membership Management in SWF. This is the job that I liked the most .. dealing with the new member invites into our community was very important to my knowledge and appreciation for just how many different but wonderful people we have in our LGBT+ community. Hearing your stories (both heart warming and tear jerking) was wonderful and knowing that we could offer everyone a place, even if just for a week before they got bored of STO or for years to come was something that I will always be proud of and I’m extremely proud of the coming out stories I have heard over the years and how some of our members had to fight against really awful situations to be who they are and love who they love. Stonewall gave me somewhere to be myself and I will forever be thankful and proud of Stonewall. There’s another person who I feel like I have to mention at this point. He’s gotten a lot of unfair flack over the years due to just being the bum in the highest chair but I’ve gotten to know him very well and am so proud to call him my boss and my friend, Sir NicholasJohn. He started our community and lead our community and kept us together when at times we could have broken apart but on a personal note he has been a source of great admiration from me. I admire his intellect and his ability to learn new things and try (I SAID TRY!) to pass those things onto the less intellectually lucky (me). I admire his ability to speak in a voice which is both clear and sexy but also have a very dry quick wit which can catch you of-guard if you’re not expecting it. Nick. I love you. Thank you for everything. I hope we are friends until we both die peacefully in our sleep at the age of … well ... hopefully over 100 (I want my card from the King!). Thank you to everyone who has already shared and will share below me. I hope you all know just how wonderful you are.

I suppose there are a few points in my life that I’m proud of. Growing up, I had always been a shy kid; I was afraid to speak up in class or talk to strangers. I rarely gave my own opinion. Maybe it was because I was a northerner around southerners or because I was more quiet around more boisterous boys, but it wasn’t long before I was pegged as the gay kid. At 16 and in high school, I was tired of living a life in the closet and decided to come out. This put a target on my back like never before. Being called queer or faggot walking down the hall was common place. Death threats passed to me as notes or whispered to me in class were a weekly occurrence. One day, they described in detail how they’d skin me alive and set me on fire if they ever got me alone. I quickly had to learn to stand up for myself and defend myself and I did. I found my own voice and learned to make sure other people heard it too. I stood up to the bullies and didn't back down. In the face of adversity, I persevered. lifetime membership by the members of Stonewall Fleet. When I posted my Guest Blog: Celebrating Diversity in Star Trek, the out pouring of support was overwhelming. I got messages from dozens of players thanking me for the post and our Pride Weekend celebration was one of the largest ever. When I received the letter below, I was so proud of the reputation that Stonewall Fleet had built. I’m proud each time someone tells me about the impact that our community has had on their life, either by making friends, helping them become more comfortable with their sexuality, or even meeting the love of their life. I'm not just proud of my accomplishments, but that of the hundreds of members who have volunteered their time, energy and skill to help build this community into what it is. Without the combined effort and collaboration of countless people, Stonewall Fleet wouldn't be what it is today.

When I went away to college, the first thing I did was find out about the lgbt club on campus. It didn’t meet till two weeks into the semester and I excitedly waited for it. When the night finally came and I remember sitting in the meeting room and looking around; there were 15 other gay people in the same place as me! I was so excited to no longer be alone. I was an active member in the group from the very beginning and was quickly elected to Webmaster. (This was at a time I knew nothing about web development.) After that short tenure, I was elected Vice President and then President. Under my direction, the rag tag group of 15 swelled to 75. We had to find a bigger meeting space! When it came time to host the yearly student lgbt state-wide conference, my organization was selected to host it due to our leadership. When it came time to fund the conference, I raised $15,000 to fund it through a coalition of university departments, nonprofits and state-wide agencies.

Since starting Stonewall Fleet, there have been numerous instances that have filled me with pride. Watching a small group that you started of a not even a dozen players grow into hundreds and more is an amazing experience. When Star Trek Online was just about to launch, I was so honored to be gifted a

Hi Nick,

My name’s XXX XXXXX, the Community Team Lead for ArenaNet’s upcoming MMO, Guild Wars 2. I’d like to talk with you today about a special testing opportunity for your guild.

Since we first publicly demonstrated Guild Wars 2 a few years ago, we’ve been fortunate enough to capture the imagination and enthusiasm of MMO players and press around the world. With Guild Wars 2, our goal is nothing less than redefining the limits of the massive online role playing genre, and we’d like your help in achieving that goal.

At this stage in our development, we’re looking for guilds to help us with testing Guild Wars 2, which is where you come in. The Stonewall Fleet came highly recommended to me by members of our studio, so we’d like to extend an invitation to you and 4 other members of your guild for a special closed beta test in the near future.

If you’re interested in advancing MMO gaming and helping us make Guild Wars 2 one of the premiere online role playing games , please reply back to me and I’ll follow up with further details. As you can imagine, this private beta testing opportunity will be covered by a Non-Disclosure Agreement, so I’d appreciate it if you could keep this email conversation confidential as well.

Thanks for your consideration and I look forward to talking to you soon. See you on the battlefield!

P.S. Take a look at our website to learn more about Guild Wars 2 and to check out some of the awards and accolades we’ve received so far.

Sincerely, XXX XXXXX

well which I'm proud of is in my puberty I took the wrong path with a disturbed mind I was seduced by drugs and with my disturbed mind I became my very own destruction. more disturbed than I was at early 14 years the hell broke loose when i was 15 years old and heard that my father is a female. from a simple joint around that age i was smoking too much and then I discovered the hard stuff and went from disturbed to completely mental. Going waaaay too deep with this hard stuff and lost my mind around my 17th by a psychose and from a disturbed confused mind i turned into a paranoid anxious person and lived many years in terror of fear. When i reached 18 I was legally free to have intercourse so I reached out with the next confused mode in my head --> Dad is a woman and how the heck does this gene affects me? (it’s smt personal not about genes) Went to many females behind a red light and searching confirmation with this confused mind of me. It made me all more confused and now I know I'm straight as it can be. I always liked female. I paid the price to get a psychose when i was around 17 and till my 22nd year i still had many problems to solve. But around 2012 I became homeless and that's which I'm very proud of. Because from that moment I stood up and didn't let me affect the bad things that went in all my life that destructed my very own life and when I realized this I started to grow and reached a state of my mind which hold me stable to live a life where the past is past and the future is something to reach out to and achieve goals.

Very confused I was seeking in what or who I am. Trying bi curious met men and woman for sexual intercourse completely messed up in my head and not understanding what's all going on. This is my short story and this what I am and who I am and how I reached it is what's making me proud in my life.

My greatest pride centres around my sister, Caryn Walker. I'm the eldest of five. When we were kids, I often had to act like a parent. Apparently, I even used to run school classes for my siblings (register and all!). I don't remember that or most of my childhood as it is blocked due to what happened to us. Our parents were abusive. Particularly, my stepfather, Caryn's real father. For me, it was being hit with cricket bats, soup ladles and later, fists. For Caryn, it was sexual abuse from the age of eight. She thinks this happened to me too but, as I said, it is blocked. I have a few hazy memories which may suggest it but early childhood is just a blank otherwise. Later on, I do remember the constant beatings and the everpresent fear. I used to escape into books or, when I was old enough, to my Nan's house. Our other sister, Jenny, was taken into care at a young age. The reasons are murky. She ended up dying at 36 due to heroin abuse causing a brain embolism. Caryn took the brave step to first, tell the family about what happened and then, unbelievably, to report him and take him to court. I went back to England in 2011 to be part of the court case as a witness. He was found guilty on 23 counts and put away for 16 years. She has been inundated with positivity from people telling her how she has given them the courage to take steps for their own situations. Over and over she is thanked by people. This is what it was all for. This is why she had to get it out there. This has given her the closure she needed. Turning a horrific negative into a helpful positive and growing that strength into a woman who will not be quiet or silenced (some of the family have tried to) and will dedicate herself to helping others. Despite everything, Caryn has always been a warm, friendly and helpful person who people adore. Until her revelation, nobody (including me as I just don't remember) had any idea of the struggles she had and was still dealing with due to her start in life. She has attended Pride events and has always been supportive of me since I came out at 17 (when my mum asked me and then I was subsequently thrown out). With her help and encouragement I am now getting my own treatment for what Caryn was diagnosed with last year and now talks about - CPTSD, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is not as widely known as CPTSD but originates with systematic and prolonged trauma. She is educating and reaching so many people.

This was a huge turning point for Caryn. But, it wasn't enough. Though it took a few years she realised she hadn't had the closure she had thought she would obtain. She was starting to feel a burgeoning strength, a voice she had never had. She decided to go further and try to help others in similar situations and to give voice also to our sister, Jenny. She might be younger but I have always been in awe of her strength, particularly with regard to the above. I doubt there is anybody I will ever feel prouder of.

As Caryn says, if you tell your own story, it could one day be a guide for others.

So, with the help of a wonderful ghostwriter, Caryn wrote a book, dedicated to Jenny. It was published last year and has been doing very well, now being translated into a few different European languages and as of a couple of months ago, finally available over here in the US.

Caryn has been interviewed by newspapers and radio, given book signings and talks at little cafes and the like and now has been invited to speak at public events for organisations such as Shatter Boys/Shatter

TLara [2:45] T'Lara@TedHembach: Its late here, almost 3 o'clock in the mornin, and I'm gettin kind of nostalgic. Cal ask what Pride means for us. Hm. I wanna tell you something: [2:54] Kira@sellinodan: mhm seems here is neither an exchange nor a tailor so i'll quickly go and buy a swimsuit so i might need a re invitation later!

[2:45] Gareth@GXV3: ohh [2:54] T'Lara@TedHembach: That was a great day today. Glad I could make it, glad you are all here.

[2:46] T'Lara@TedHembach: It teaches us things. Valuable things. Lessons. About how to get old. When I joined my first SW Pride, I think it was 2014 or 15, I was very new and impressed. Then, a guy named [2:46] D'na@DanaDark: Is ... Is... this where you profess your love for me? [2:55] Gareth@GXV3: here here!!!! another full fun day tomorrow to go too! [2:55] Tharil@thunderfoot1007: I had fun. Which is what his game is supposed to be about. I had more fun because I got to play STO with friends and Fleeties. Which makes it more fun.

[2:48] T'Lara@TedHembach: Eurssk, donated me a gift. It was my Sehlat Bok here, named after Sybok, and I was really baffled. It was a Lobi pet, and he gave it to me - just so. [2:49] Gareth@GXV3: aweeee [2:56] D'na@DanaDark: A good community goes a long way indeed. [2:56] T'Lara@TedHembach: Yay! And you get all the optionals lol.

[2:49] T'Lara@TedHembach: Today, there was a new fleetie, and he had no swimsuit. So I gave him the Favors needed to buy one. He was a little baffled too, asking 'really? are you sure?'. And i was sure, coz this is our way.

[2:50] D'na@DanaDark: Kiki bought my swimsuit for me. :) the fleet generousity knows no bounds! [3:00] Meow Meow@Simon_Picard: Stonewall fleet has always given me a home ever since I started playing all those years ago. I drift here and there but you've remained a constant and I thank the hard work, dedication and passion of

[3:00] Meow Meow@Simon_Picard: everyone in this fleet, past and present who have made it so.

[2:51] T'Lara@TedHembach: Now I am the fleetie who gives stuff away, just like Eurssk did it years ago. That how you notice what it means to get older. That one of the lessons, that Pride can teach you. I'm proud.

[2:51] Fanon@audiored: It's a nice and friendly fleet for sure

[2:51] T'Lara@TedHembach: Oh, its the only fleet I wanna be in.

[2:52] Gareth@GXV3: Thats beautiful Tlara.... really is.... You’re passing the torch on, one day that new member will hopefully pass the memory of kindness on too and help someone else.