Postcard Portraits

Mr Paterson

So, Pat Pat, What did you want to be before you decided to become a teacher?

Well it wasn't so much me, but my mother always said I was destined for a career on the stage... cleaning it. But it has to be said, my stage career took off in the staff singing this year, and in pink last year in the panto!

What was your worst fashion mistake?

I've never had one. (Laughs) Probably the black woollen tracksuit with flares and red stripes up the arms. It was disgusting.

Nice. If you had to have one CD, one book and one person on a desert island, what would your choices be?

Probably Eva Cassidy, Songbird as my CD... it's lovely... and my book would be the Bible there are enough books in there to last a lifetime! I would take Batman with me as he is my alter-ego. Although everybody knows that now so it's not quite as good. (He makes a joke about batman with a small 'b' and laughs raucously, but we decide it is best just to move on)

Who would you have round for dinner?

Archbishop Sentamu - he seems very interesting... but he's very small. (This comment gives rise to a lengthy anecdote from Ellie, but Mr Paterson seems amused).

Do you have any plans for retirement? (Assuming you are retiring and you aren't 24 or something)

I can see why you're fooled that I'm 24! Yes, I plan to be a church warden and lay reader at St Marks, and continue to work with York Against Cancer and on the Parish Council. Maybe after that I'll properly retire and go fishing with Mr Dawson!

What is your greatest achievement to date?

Starting girls' hockey at St Peters. Initially, only boys were allowed and everybody said that the girls didn't want to play, but after much persuasion, I started the hockey. For me it was more about equality of rights than them actually playing the game!

Thank you for that! Describe yourself in three words... please!

them as they are.)

For those not privileged enough to have already "met him" tell us about George.

Who's George?

Oh George is a plank of wood with a 10,000 year old cross section of soil stuck to him. (Almost as old as me!) He arrived wrapped in plastic, with his name on the front, and the name of his long lost brother, Griffin. He is a sad reflection of what happens as a result of glue sniffing. If he hadn't have sniffed the glue then he wouldn't be stuck to the plank of wood. That's the moral of the story.

Let's play a game; Finish these sentences. The best thing to blow small change on is... penny sweets The thing I'm beginning to think I'm allergic to is... adolescents! The thing that becomes easier as I get older is... err...urn... forgetting things!

I wish I'd understood how to... get friends on facebook.

What is your favourite word?

So.

And favourite Geographical word?

Ouagadougou. Nobody can spell it. And it's the only inland port that isn't on a river.

What is the best accent that you can do?

Definitely Mr Duffy speaking Scottish (he slips into this accent), with his top lip not moving. I'm very useful in the staffroom, translating at break time!

What is your favourite line? Madam I never forget a face, but in your case I'll

make an exception. Groucho Marx. I go around at break time saying it. Meaning it?

No! Nobody takes it to heart... I hope!

What was the first record you bought?

Dm... I can't be certain but it was probably a Beatles record, and was quite possibly 'She Loves You'. That's showing my age!

So... tell us about the Patmobile?

(Laughs) Well it's a small red Honda sports car! I used to have a much bigger Volvo, but I've downsized.

Will you please get a small black and white cat and call it Jessie?

I used to have a cat! Although I ran over it...

Oh. Well. Moving on...What 3 things would you put in Room 101?

The words 'because' and 'due to'. They're stupid words SO I don't like them. And... winter timetable. I really don't like winter timetable. It's the most annoying thing about St Peters!

Finally (and just to end on a cheerful note) what is your suggested epitaph? Fact plus so.

Sarah Coidan, Cabbie Naismith, Ellie Binks V Year