Déjà vu

Déjà vu

Helen Keller once wrote: “The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen, not touched, but are felt in the heart.”

I know that you have felt beautiful things in your heart, now and thirty six years ago. However,

You are hiding, whirling within the shadows of your being, Afraid to reach out and see what you really need to be seeing. And …. You won’t know what you’ve had until it’s gone, My dearest friend your soul will soon tell you how I was the one….

You once said you’re not losing me again, That you’d found it good to hear my voice, You once said I’m never far from your thoughts, How often you missed me, all words of your choice.

You said my words were close to your heart, That they made you feel warm and fuzzy inside. You once said you were amused and amazed by me, Upon my words, your heart appeared to glide.

You found me funny, engaging, exciting, gorgeous, classy, Beautiful inside and out, a good and close friend. Crazy, entertaining, caring, loving, Spring Chicken extraordinaire! My image in your mind sending you into a daze, my friend, you had it all …. Right there!!

What more could you want from a woman? You often found yourself laughing too hard to respond. Does it still feel good to smile? Do you still enjoy a good ruffle every now and then?

You said plenty of people out your way love me, You’re the only person I know out your way, so what am I supposed to believe? You hint at below the surface feelings Leaving me guessing and sending me reeling.

You commented on my patience, The ease and pleasure with which we could talk. Your every word used to describe me is the true reality, Yet hesitant you remain to take that walk.

You seldom engage me when questions I ask of you, Your silence speaks volumes In your refusal to be realistic, honest and true, Qualities that I thought I had honestly seen in you

You once said that I could not get rid of you that easily, I replied that at my discretion that would be my decision. Now, you must listen, because that time has come, reality bends its’ knee before you. But please, do not make this a heart to heart collision.

Love? What is love that commands this hold? It is attraction of the heart, the soul, and the mind, Affection, friendship, that special jewel of the heart that is one of a kind!

Not teenagers inflamed with passion and out of control, Mature now, penetrating the depths of every fibre of spirit and soul. Vibrant and haunting, real …. Never daunting,

Pulsating and careening through arteries and veins. Pleading …. To relinquish the hold on its’ owners taught reins.

A timeless, precious encounter, engraved, branded upon the heart, Moments forever lost, swept away on the ripples of the tide, Beauty fathomless, beckoning, alive, yet kept apart. Turned away, inconceivable and so it must hide.

To never be yours? …. For you can never say when, And so I’ve found you and lost you once again. For a second time you’ve drawn the line in the sand, Unable to embrace and hold my heart in your hand.

You once asked of me, “Is everything OK?” When I turned and reached out to you, a friend in need of your listening ear, You responded in cold silence …. I bowed and gave way to fear. Why? Because your commitments would not allow you to hear.

Therein lies the answer to something so precious and remarkable, that can never be. Something that has happened twice in a life time …. Something you just cannot allow yourself to freely see.

Your voice drowned her in the whispers of time, Your soul mate has flickered in the light of your face, Yet to touch her, to hold and embrace her, Your fingers her soul just could not trace. She realised how much she’s truly loved you her whole incredible life, Had you asked her ago, in the aeons of time “please become my wife,,,” She would readily have been only thine.

She never thought she had anymore to give, In joy and laughter, life and love, Well prepared just to live and let live. But you maneuvered the door open, pure and gentle just like a dove.

And so the time has come my dear and beloved friend, To bring our renewed friendship to its’ final end. Your photo that I had out on display, Must now lie hidden, perhaps? To re-surface on some distant day.

Out of respect for you and respect for me, My heart must again say goodbye to thee….. Another time, another place, another day …. Oh my love, that you’d never given up when once we walked that beautiful way.

At this time I thought I could keep you in my life, Just great friends, no heartache, no strife. But you have moved and overturned mountains within the crevasses of my soul, Unintentional, believe me, that was never my goal.

For I want more that can never be had, You understand this …. That much I truly know. So please my kind and wonderful friend, do not be sad, Please just set me free and let me go …..

‘Tis much harder parting from you a second time, The wound is open, deep, heavily bleeding, the pain is rugged and raw. For all the yearning and desire will not make you mine. And so my friend I must leave you …. Walking away from my door.

Do not look back unless you truly want what lies behind, If not, go forward and do not cause yourself strife. For it will surely be difficult to erase me from your mind. Just move ahead as I know you will, with your strange, very predictable life.

Or, You must let go of all in time that you’ve held on to, Harder, and perhaps not what your heart really wants to do? So thank you for what little we’ve shared this time around, I will always treasure …. And remember …. What I thought I had found ….

As per the words of a song: “Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?”

Goodbye my strong handsome ghost from the echoes of the past…………………