Why I Am Trying to Become a Narcissist, and You Should Too

By Indigo Carter

If you’ve known a narcissist, chances are that you were subjected to some serious negative experiences as a result of their narcissism. Like anything, narcissism works on a spectrum, and an excess of it will lead to some unwanted personality defects. But, what if healthy levels of narcissism are a good thing? What if a little sprinkle of a false sense of superiority is exactly what you need?

I asked my friends their initial thoughts on narcissism, and how they feel about the word. “I can pull up my dad’s Facebook profile to give you a good sense of Narcissism,” and “If you wanna learn about narcissism, you should meet my ex,” they said as they rolled their eyes. Clearly, most people don’t think of a narcissistic person with joy in their heart, because there are serious negative traits to narcissism, like an excess of entitlement. Still, there must be a reason that people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are more likely to be successful in their careers, bagging promotions and becoming CEOs. They have the courage to take risks and view failure as a motivator instead of a setback. Maybe, their false sense of superiority, in some cases, is actually making them superior.

A healthy narcissist is someone who can reign in their grandiose personality traits, and use them to benefit their lives and others, instead of using it as a manipulation tactic. They are confident and capable of handling failures without being susceptible to the damaging qualities that an excess of narcissism can lead to.

This is who I want to be. The question is, how does one transform from an insecure person into an independent, happy, and healthy narcissist? If self-love is a gift that keeps on giving, how do I get on the gift registry? These questions lead me wanting to experiment with becoming narcissistic, after all, I won’t recommend something I haven’t tried. I began researching and was able to compile three main traits that I believe define healthy narcissism.

Trait Number One: Focus on how you feel on the inside, not how you look on the outside.

I admit, I had problems with this one. Already on step number one, I was struggling. But as a woman in modern-day society, a lot of pressure surrounds looking good. An emphasis is put on appearance with the rise of social media and perfectly filtered flawless skin on the trending page. I tend to notice if my mascara is smudged before noticing that I haven’t drank water all day. Although tending to your physical appearance is an important thing, it’s definitely not healthy to obsess over it and prioritize it to the point of neglecting your mental health.

With this in mind, I tried to start focusing on how I felt rather than how I looked. I started simple, making sure I was hydrated and sleeping enough to have substantial energy throughout my day. As I started to feel better from these quick changes, I noticed it was easier to implement other attributes. I became more in tune with my emotions, as I decided to check in with myself more. I like to journal, but something as simple as verbal affirmations or a rant in the Notes App would work. Starting a conversation with myself felt like getting to know myself all over again. I figured out things I had always been meaning to do, but never got around to. I bought a planting starter kit to learn how to grow my own herbs. I was learning that self love goes beyond skin care and physical appearance. It felt good and so I felt ready for the next step.

Trait Number Two: Don’t Let Your Imperfections Make You Stop Liking Yourself.

An unhealthy narcissist is only satisfied when they feel they have reached perfection. They want to see themselves as superior to others, and cannot feel satisfied if they don’t. A healthy version of this trait is to accept your cons and not let them distract you from your pros. Personally, it can be difficult to stay away from self doubt, especially after failing or experiencing a setback. But I believe the best way to combat this negativity is to keep up a positive conversation with yourself. If becoming the best version of yourself means trying out some verbal or value affirmations, why not? A healthy narcissist accepts themselves for who they are, including all strengths and weaknesses, they love themselves and extend that acceptance to others. And though falling in love with yourself is a difficult and seemingly impossible task to some, it is very possible to those willing to expand their mindset and try out new things. It all starts with learning to accept the things you cannot change about yourself, and the willingness to work on the things you can.

Trait Number Three: Extend That Hyper Acceptance to Everyone

An unhealthy Narcissist is going to be extremely self occupied, only caring about themselves. They treat themselves well, amazing even, but neglect the needs and feelings of those around them. A large part of mental health is dictated by your environment- who you surround yourself with.

Treating those around you with love and kindness raises your personal vibration and energy. In that sense, spoiling your loved ones and friends with affection can be narcissistic- meaning that you gain personal benefit from doing it. But, so do they. Everyone is happy and you are creating beautiful connections through fully accepting and appreciating those around you.

Acceptance comes from empathy, something that extremely unhealthy narcissists lack. Empathy is the ability to understand others feelings and relate to them. There are strategies to gain empathy, like stepping out of your comfort zone to gain curiosity or joining a shared cause. A healthy narcissist understands and learns about themselves deeply through their acceptance, care, and empathy for others.

Confidence can be a life changer. The chance to build it up, and experiment with becoming a healthy narcissist, is a privilege. The ability to improve oneself at their own will is something that not everybody gets to experience, whether it be because of a lack of exposure or unfortunate circumstances.

Everyone who has the chance should consider looking into themselves, and finding where adapting some traits of narcissism could work in their favor. Self love is all the rage now, and I’ve always loved following a good trend.