Student rag Issue 20 Edinburgh

Student Rag Edinburgh Edition #20

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Fashion Tattoos Health&Beauty Competitions ChristmasCityGuide WeWerePromisedJetpacks WinterTravel GiftGuide FestiveTech Cockroaches

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contents TREND SETTER

Winter fashion.............4-11

HAVE TO HAVE IT Indispensable Xmas stuff..12-15

INK-REDIBLE Tattoos special...........16-19

A COLD WELCOME Winter travel.............20-22

GIVE US A MINUTE Rodrigo Sanchez..............23

UP AND AWAY We Were Promised Jetpacks.24-25

BOTS NOT TO LIKE? Bad Robots................26-28

WHATEVER NEXT Who’s coming to town?.....30-31

I’VE SEEN THE FUTURE Tech to die for...........32-34

WHAT’S WHAT IN WINTER Festive City Guide........36-38

NUCLEAR OPTION Cockroaches interview.....40-41

FIRE STARTERS Little Dragon interview...42-44

YOU’RE HAVING A LAUGH Romesh Ranganathan...........45

30-31

45

DRY, DRY AND DRY AGAIN Guide to moisturising.....46-47

16-19

Editor: Debbie McInnes. glasgow@student-rag.co.uk Design: Calvin Douglas.

Contributors: Alice Cruickshank, Richard Jones, Susie Daniels, Stephen Butchard, Katie Campbell.

www.student-rag.co.uk Published by Track 10 Media. All rights reserved.

Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission is strictly prohibited. Student Rag Magazine takes no responsibility for claims made by advertisements in this publication.

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fashion

Coming in out TIME to wrap up and step out in style as you face the challenges of the Scottish winter.

Whether you’re teetering in your heels down Princes Street, negotiating the cobbles of Ashton Lane or pressie shopping in your poncho, ALICE CRUICKSHANK guides you through the season.

swinging sixties Turn to Twiggy this winter for your style inspiration as the retro vibe comes back big time.

Think mini-skirts, trapeze dresses, patent shoes and pastel shades

for your wardrobe inspiration. For a quirky 60s twist, why not try white or light grey wool tights to keep warm instead of the standard black?

STAR BUY

Grey High Neck Long Sleeve Swing Dress @www.newloook.com £17.99

STAR BUY

Dolly Coat in Jacquard @www.asos.com £80

How to wear l On a night out:Invest in the perfect high-necked mini dress to really emphasise those legs l To a family meal: A cream polo neck jumper with a nude A-line skirt and knitted tights is 60s-inpired perfection

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t

fashion

of the cold are you fur real Whether its shearling or full on fluffy, indulge yourself in a faux fur-trimmed coat.

Fur is pretty much a winter staple but this year it’s everywhere.

If you’re feeling bold why

not go for a totally faux fur number as a chic party cover-up?

If that feels just a bit too Cruella De Vil then invest in a fur-look shawl to completely reinvent an old favourite coat.

Turn to fur for your accessories too with fluffy-trimmed boots and Cossack hats.

How to wear

l On a night out: A white faux fur coat will turn heads over a sequined party dress l To college or uni: An elegant princess coat with a fur collar makes a glamourous outfit whatever you wear

STAR BUY

Libby Shawl Faux Fur Collar Fitted Coat @www.boohoo.com £50

STAR BUY

Dark Grey Faux Fur Collar Split Hem Boyfriend Coat @www.newlook.com £54.99 five

fashion

it’s a wrap If it works for Burberry, it works for us- this winter it is all about the oversized wrap.

Thankfully for those of us who can’t afford the brand’s must-have monogrammed poncho adored by celebs such as Olivia Palermo and Cara Delevingne, the High Street is full of great alternatives.

It’s like last season’s essential kimono, only cosier.

This is the ultimate grab-and-go look; simply throw over your favourite jeans for instant glam.

STAR BUY

Dark Red Stripe Blanket Wrap @www.newlook.com £19.99

How to wear l To Uni: Pair an Aztec-print wrap over light blue skinnies and a pair of cowboy boots for a simple, fashion-forward look l At a family meal: Dazzle your relatives by revealing a Blanket Cape in Pattern contrasting-coloured bodycon With Fringes dress under your favourite @www.asos.com wrap or oversized scarf £40

STAR BUY

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fashion

go for bold Sometimes all this winter dressing can be, well a bit dull.

Fear not- there are lots of bold prints all over the High Street to bring some joy into even the greyest of days.

Acutally, winter is the perfect time for prints. Work the trend by wearing tartan, fair isle or dig out the Christmas jumpers for a festive take on this trend.

If you really want to go for a high-end look, clash your patterns then finish the look with a neutral cover-up.

How to wear l While studying: Team an oversized patterned jumper with your cosiest leggings l On a snow day: A fair isle print jumper is essential under a padded gilet for winter fun

STAR BUY

Xmas Jumper in Fairisle with Woven Collar @www.asos.com £35

NEW SEASON STYLE ICONS: Taylor Swift WE just can’t stop envying Taylor’s style, from her ultra-now midi hair cut to her ultra-girly wardrobe.

Best of all, she’s been spotted in a lot of looks from the British High Street.

That means we actually can afford to copy her wardrobe!

To emulate Taylor’s style, think Breton-stripe tops, floaty skater skirts and preppy brogues.

STAR BUY

Green and Blue Check Button Treggings @www.dorothyperkins. com £25 seven

fashion

golden girl Nothing says Christmas party season quite like gold.

For a simple way to add some sparkle, focus on chic gold accessories.

However, don’t be afraid to bring this look into the daytime. A glimmering t-shirt or metallic jumper is a great wardrobe update to work a bit of glam into a snowy day.

How to wear l On a night out: Breathe new life into your favourite LBD with all gold accessories and a stylish blazer l To Xmas lunch: a metallic jumper adds some understated sparkle, particularly when paired with matching shoes

STAR BUY

Gold Glitter Platform Court Shoes @newlook.com £22.99

NEW SEASON STYLE ICONS: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen Our favourite movie twosome are now serious contenders in the fashion world.

Mary-Kate and Ashley have come a long way since their Passport to Paris days and designs by their label, The Row, are sought after by celebrities and fashion faces alike.

To work the twins’ signature style on a budget, look for anything in leather and luxurious, oversized neutral knitwear. eight

STAR BUY

Metallic Glitter Tee-shirt @warehouse.co.uk £22

fashion IF there’s one style that refuses to go away, it’s the midi skirt.

However, instead of last season’s favourite pencil variety, invest in a floaty circle skirt.

The cinched-in waist and full cut creates a graceful, feminine figure.

But how can you work this trend when the weather turns cold?

It’s simple – wear yours with a pair of fitted kneehigh boots for cosy elegance.

the new midi

STAR BUY

Faith Jewel Panel Beanie @boohoo.com £8

MUST HAVE ACCESSORIES Any outfit can be glammed up with a statement necklace.

The bigger, the betterteam with a simple jumper or dress for a quick wardrobe update.

From Chanel to Moschino, style inspiration comes from the most unlikely place this season- McDonald’s.

This trend has trickled down into the High Street so you can work fast-food fashion too.

Every girl needs a go-to hat for winter.

The must-have styles this year are fedoras, beanies and turban hats.

Find the one that suits you or invest in all three for style points that will last all season.

STAR BUY

Burgundy Waffle Textured Balloon Midi Skater Skirt @www.newlook.com £19.99

STAR BUY

Black Leather Look Midi Skirt@www.dorothyperkins.com.com £30

STAR BUY

Gloves With French Fries Detail @asos.com £8

How to wear l To uni: A denim circle-skirt looks great teamed with brown knee-high boots and an aviator jacket l On a night out: On a night out: invest in a faux leather number and pair with a lace bralet for a vampish look

STAR BUY

Rhinestone Necklace @zara.com £29.99

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fashion

check it out Tartan may flitter in and out of high fashion for the ladies, but it’s a staple for gent’s winter dressing.

The classic flannel check lumberjack shirt is a classic for a reason.

They are cosy, comfy and pretty much go with everything.

Why not work a short-sleeved tartan number to take this trend into night?

How to wear l To Uni: Keep it casual by

wearing your check shirt open over a thin-knitted jumper l To Christmas Lunch: Pair a classic tartan-patterned shirt with a smart trousers and a blazer for a festive twist

STAR BUY

STAR BUY

Smart Check in Long Sleeve with Marl Check @asos.com £25

fix up, look sharp

Put the trackies away, boys – unless it’s just after your turkey dinner, there’s no excuses for sloppy dressing this Christmas party season.

From end-of-term balls, to family occasions and Hogmanay parties, you’ll be inundated with formal occasions.

Now is the time to invest in a good suit. Our top tip is this: make sure it fits perfectly to avoid looking cheap.

Paying an extra £20 to get a tailor to nip in a seam or take up the length is definitely a worthwhile investment.

After all, chaps, few women can resist a smartly-dressed man…

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Cream Check Long Sleeve Shirt @riverisland.com £28

How to wear l For Hogmanay Go all out

and work a tuxedo-styled suit. Well it is New Year, after all. l To the Christmas Ball: Instead of opting for the usual black suit, experiment with a silver or navy option to make a lasting impression

STAR BUY

Two piece Petrol Blue Grosgrain Tipped WSkinny Fit Suit @burton.co.uk £69

STAR BUY

Black Jacquard Skinny Fit Black Tux Suit @topman.com £17

fashion

frosty the snowman Brr! There’s only one good thing about this weather: it’s time to get out the festive knitwear.

This is a trend that never really goes away so you can invest in

STAR BUY

new pieces and confidently know Fair Isle Jumper they’ll last you for years to come. With Mohair @asos.com And while those tacky Santa £36 and Frosty jumpers are great fun, you’ll find you get much more wear out a classic Fair Isle design.

Try looking in vintage shops for bargain knitwear finds.

How to wear l On a snow day: Your old favourite Christmas jumper looks effortless under a cosy padded gilet l To a family meal: Everyone loves festive knitwear. The uglier, the better.

sports star

STAR BUY

Ch an el vintage Americ ana, as baseball-inspired fash ion continues to dominate the catwalks .

Layer-up last season’s essential bomber jacket over your favourit e jumper and finish with your favourite scarf for a comfy-casual look.

Wear this trend more formally by pairing you r bomber with a pair of ‘slacks’ – that’s chinos to us.

Superdry Eiger Henley @superdry.com £59.99

STAR BUY

PU Baseball Shirt @boohoo.com £18

How to wear STAR BUY

Bomber Jacket in a Wool Blend @hm.com £59.99

l To Uni: A bomber jacket thrown over pretty much anything guarantees new season cool l On a date: get the smart/casual vibe just right by wearing your bomber over a nice shir t and chinos

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feature

1

A hovercraft

Back to demanding things which are wildly beyond my means and would almost certainly kill me, I really, really want a hovercraft. So should you!

Think how much you could have hovering on a bed of air, surrounded only by your friends, a very real and present danger,

2

Pogo Boots

4

While we’re on the subject of ways to get around town, it’s probably worth mentioning I did accidently miss one off the list.

Well, accidently is a rather grandiose term for ‘I left them out because I didn’t want anyone to break their neck’.

If you are the kind of guy or gal who likes to walk on the wild side, however, then I’ve got just the item for your Christmas wish list.

Pogo boots. Yeah. Like a pogo stick, but on your feet.

Pogo boots will allow you to spring around the city like freakin’ Spiderman, hopping over cars twelve

and obstacles like a full-on spring-ankle ninja.

I mean, you will fall and die at some point, because that’s what happens when you attach pogo sticks to your shoes and go sprinting around a major metropolitan area.

But, hey, pogo boots!

You can pick up a pair of your very own death shoes jumping stilts at: http://www.pro-jump. co.uk/ and they’re only around £100-£250.

If that seems a little pricey to you, just remember you can’t really put a price on the most insane death ever.

and an engine big enough to power a tank! The best thing about hovercrafts isn’t even that they work on both land and water, it’s that there’s not even any brakes. That’s how much fun they are. I’ve also heard they’re almost impossible to control and surprisingly easy to flip. Granted, it’s not the safest hobby in the world, but we’re here for a good time, not a long time.

Okay, maybe I’m not selling the whole hovercraft thing that well. If you don’t want to go the whole nine yards and buy one, a bunch of companies do tours and pay-per-hour sessions for around £100.

Something tells me you’re not going to go hovercrafting.

An Expensive Onesie

The chief reason I need this is mainly because my flat gets outrageously cold during the winter.

And it’s now winter.

So I need something warm. Like an expensive onesie.

Not only will an expensive Onesie keep you warm inside, but it’s a totally functional purchase, too.

Think about all those times you’ve got to run down to the shop but can’t really be bothered putting on proper clothes. Expensive Onesie.

Need something warm to wear to bed?

Onesie. All your jeans in the wash? Onesie.

Want to look hella cool?

Onesie.

When I say expensive by the way, I kind of mean it.

I figure when Onesie shopping, there’s no real need to scrimp, so I’d advise you pick up your very own expensive Onesie from OnePiece for between £89-£160.

Yeah…

12

THINGS YOU

HAVE TO OWN THIS XMAS

It’s difficult being a student.

And not because of the ominous looking pile of dishes in the kitchen you’ve been meaning to do for weeks now.

No, it’s difficult because money can be a little tight, which unfortunately means you can’t just buy whatever you want, whenever you want

3

it. Which as an impulsive, materialistic idiot, I find very difficult.

So what I’ve done for your entertainment is create a list of stupid things I’d love to own!

I’ve done this for two reasons. 1) Because I like to torture myself with things

I’ll never have and 2) I still secretly believe in Santa and I like to think he reads all of my articles. Hint, hint.

I’m RICHARD JONES and this is my guide to ridiculous Xmas gifts...

Stupid / Novelty Mugs

SO a lot of items on this list are completely ridiculous and way outside of almost everyone’s budget. Apologies for that.

However, I do actually have some realistic options for people who aren’t eccentric billionaires.

Novelty mugs are simply a must for people who like drinking coffee, tea, drinking out of mugs in general, or people who just happen to enjoy novelty mugs.

You can get them from a whole bunch of websites for between £2 and £10, and they’re pretty much guaranteed to ensure one-two minutes of novelty giggling per use.

5

A sick road bike

A lot of students cycle because, who’s really going to pay for petrol?

Not me. And of course, walking is stupidly slow, ‘jogging’ is far too much work

and balancing on a skateboard is impossible. Cycling’s only real problem is the fact that it’s quite hard to look cool while doing it.

I have a stupid helmet which makes me look like a 12-year-old, and don’t even get me started on reflective clothing. It’s true, the only real way to look cool while cycling is to own the sickest road BIKE EVER. Having said road bike will also allow you to go hell of a fast and give you the weirdly wonderful feeling you get when people stare at your sick road bike as you blaze past them in a shower of glory.

Just don’t fall off.

SICK ROAD BIKES are available from most good cycle shops and range from around £250 for the basic kit and go all the way up to £11,000.

Yes. Eleven.

Thousand. Pounds.

For a bike. Go on, treat yourself. fifteen thirteen

6

Monopod aka a Selfie Stick

A monopod is probably much better described as a ‘selfie stick’. Yeah, see those people doing extreme sports holding their phones out a metre in front of them with an extendable plastic arm?

That’s the Monopod.

Basically, it’s the only way to take ‘rad’ photos of your awesome stunts.

Case in point: my former roommate recently raked in the Facebook likes with a Monopod-taken selfie of him crouching on a skateboard as he rolled down a hill. Now, if over 125 Facebook likes isn’t reason enough to immediately ink the words ‘SELFIE STICK’ onto your Christmas wish list, then I don’t know what is.

Apart from its obvious function of relentlessly documenting all of your extreme stunts, the Monopod also comes in useful in other situations.

7

Samurai Swords

IF wanting to have a hovercraft isn’t dumb enough, then I also would like to have a Samurai Sword.

It’s important though, so I don’t seem like a maniac, that you know I don’t want a Samurai Sword to have sword fights with my friends (which admittedly would probably definitely happen at some point if I did buy them).

I want a trio of Samurai swords for decorative purposes.

Call me ‘uncultured’,

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Tourists love the thing, not only because it allows you to take wide shots of you and your family on location, but also because you can squeeze more of the Leaning Tower of

but I just think they’re kind of cool.

Wouldn’t it be fun just to have them lying around the kitchen? It would.

Owning Samurai Swords isn’t for the poorest of customers, though.

Google seems to reckon the prices for Samurai Swords in the UK go all the way up £700.

I’m starting to think I may need a second job to afford all this crap.

Pisa into the background.

Selfie sticks (a bunch of companies make them) are also pretty cheap and accessible for average Joe Tourist. You can get them at Amazon.com

8

for between a fiver and around £40. Even if you’re from 1722 and don’t yet have a smart phone, you can also buy ones which attach to your favourite camera or camcorder.

An entire Apple store

I think it’s the launch events that get me. They basically hold concerts to announce their new products. And it makes me want all of them. A lot.

A lot of my friends claim they wouldn’t use an iPad even if they had one, but for some reason I see a distinct want/ need for basically the whole range of Apple products.

I need a new iPhone 6 because the

OS doesn’t work as well as it should on my 5c and I want the novelty of filming in slo-mo.

I need an iPad Air 2 for the train, so I can watch movies and read articles on the bigger Retina screen.

I need an iPod shuffle for when I go running. I need Apple TV because I can’t afford all the apple products and an enormous, curved smart TV. I need a Mac Book Pro because my

own computer is a little slow.

I need a Mac Book air for when I need to use a computer but can’t be bothered with dragging around a heavy computer.

And I need an iMac for watching films and looking at pictures at home on the 5k Retina Display.

Oh, and I need an iWatch because my current watch isn’t cool enough.

See? I do totally need it all.

9

The Slide Rider

11

Stupid / Novelty T-shirts

12

The nation has Brian Cox to thank for getting people interested in astronomy again.

Ah, lovely Brian Cox and his weirdly unexpected northern accent.

Watching his programmes a few years ago got me transfixed with the stars and I’d spend hours and hours babbling with my mates in a pub about the possible existence of extra-terrestrial life.

Come to think of it, actually, I don’t think we were the coolest teenagers on the

10

Whe n was the last time you looked at a flight of stairs and thought to yourself “oh wonderful! A flight of stairs to walk up/down.”

“Never” is what I thought you might say. No one likes stairs. They’re a sort of necessary evil.

Based on that, a genius inventor named Trisha Cleveland came up with the idea for The Slide Rider, which turns stairs into a slide.

You’ve probably seen it once or twice on Facebook, where it became a huge hit with students everywhere who recognized the Slide Rider’s infinite pre-drinks potential.

Perhaps the most obvious thing from this list I’ve compiled is that I’m a sucker for novelty.

Which we all should be. Which is why you’re going to put ‘pile of dumb T-shirts’ on your Christmas wish list.

A website called Beloved T Shirts does men and women’s tops MY favourite time of the day is always the short period immediate that are as ridicly after I get back from work/uni. ulous as they are Sometimes it lasts only five minwonderful. utes, but if it’s been a tough day For about £25, it can go on as long as an hour. you can get a It’s in this period I crash onto the T-shirt that’s fully sofa and do absolutely nothing. covered in a picAnd what do you need while doing ture of a burger. abso lutely nothing? An enormous, They also do one which makes curved smart TV, of course.

You’re enormous, curved smart TV you look like a giwill allow you to properly enjoy slobant pumpkin and a tropical number bering around on the couch while you browse Spotify, YouTube and which looks Netflix simultaneously in glorious, like something glorious high definition. rejected by the There’s also a very amusing costume director featu re on most Smart TVs that allow of Miami Vice.

Telescope

“Price?” I hear you ask while you fumble with your wallet while trying to pull out your debit card.

Unfortunately The Slide Rider hasn’t been massed produced yet, so it’s kinda difficult to buy one.

Apparently, however,

Smart TV

you to have conversations with them through the voice command app. Doing absolutely nothing is about to get awesome.

There’s only really one downside to owning such a TV. And it’s not that after buying one you cut up all your gym membership cards and move completely into your living room.

No, the problem is in the price.

Samsung’s 55 inch Curved 4K Ultra HD 3D Smart TV – available at John Lewis – will set you back a whole £2,500.

Can you really put a price on feeling slightly less bored, though?

planet (see what I did there?)

Regardless, I still want a big badass telescope. I mean, who wouldn’t. How cool would it be to sit outside and look way up into space?

The best thing about big badass telescopes is that they’re not even that expensive.

Okay, so they’ re a few hundred pounds.

But seriously, you get to see into space.

If that doesn’t excite the Buzz Lightyear in you, I don’t know what will.

Cleveland has linked up with a company called Quirky who are trying to get the Slide Rider into the hands of people everywhere, so we shouldn’t have to wait too long.

Probably.

Old / new, choose your tattoo

H

ave a look at any tattoo blog or tattoo shop’s Instagram and you’ll notice it’s drowning in traditional tattoos.

Traditional, or “old school” tattoos are characterised by their bold, black lines and limited colour palate.

These tend to need touched up less over time.

Anything can be done in the traditional style, but the more fashionable tattoo aficionados have been seen sporting beautiful flowers, anchors and calaveras – or sugar skulls, a traditional piece of Mexican iconography relating to the famous Dia de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead.

Neo-traditional tattoos have become much more popular.

They have the same thick black outline, but are shaded in colour instead of having simply having bold, block colour.

It leads to a more detailed and stylistic piece that’s perfect for portraits. For celebs, it’s not so much about the style of your tattoo or what you get tattooed, it’s where you put it that’s important.

Rihanna, Lindsey Lohan and Lilly Allen have all tattooed “shhh” to one of their fingers.

And of course, there’s the queen of celebrity tats Cheryl Cole, who has a tribal pattern tattooed to the side of her hand, not to mention a seriously inked back.

Sin City actress Jamie King caused a stir when she showed off her new tattoo on her forearm – a dagger topped with praying hands and surrounded by stars.

She says it represents the sword of truth, which she believes

Under t H

ad you gone to your local tattoo emporium back in ye olde days to pick up a tattoo of a star or your dead pet or whatever, you may have been quite shocked to find that the artist wanted to cut your skin and just go ahead and rub soot in it until your (presumably quite painful and a bit wonky) image of Mr Snuffles is complete.

Thankfully, tattooing has come on in leaps and bounds in the past 50 years, and it’s now a safe and relatively quick process.

Let’s start at the beginning.

What is a tattoo – not that you’re daft or anything, but it’s important to define what these things are before we start going on about them!

It’s a piece of art or design that’s placed under the epidermis (aka your skin, but we’re going for fancy names here) using needles to puncture the surface of the skin and force ink in under it.

That sounds gross and unnecessary when you put it that way, but it’s actually a very cool and scientific process that leaves you with a brilliant piece of art.

Alternatively it serves as a reminder that you once went on holiday to Corfu and got a bee tattooed to your knee, because ha ha ha you’re the bee’s knees, get it?

Yep, it was funnier when you were on holiday.

Modern tattooing is “means to live authenticity, cut through any illusions – to be a spiritual warrior.”

For male celebrities, the arms are the most popular place to get tattooed. Singer Drake recently took to Instagram to show off his new forearm tattoo, a praying hands

done using a tattoo machine. Essentially, it’s a needle soldered to a bar with a little unit that spins really very quickly in a circle, causing it to shake the bar and drive the needle in and out of the skin at a speed of around 80 to 150 times a second.

The needles and machines are sterilised in an autoclave after each use.

Tattoo hygiene is vital because an unclean needle can transfer blood borne diseases between people without them even knowing.

It’s the same reason tattoo artists always wear disposable gloves – if it’s not hygienic, it’s dangerous.

Your friend’s kitchen using a tattoo gun he bought on eBay and India ink is categorically not safe and clean. raeme Garlinge, the apprentice tattoo artist at New Found Glory in Kirkintilloch, near Glasgow explains some of the precautions they take before tattooing someone.

“We use a cleaning fluid on the equipment that’s better than the one they use in hospitals – it kills 99.9% of bacteria, HIV and hepatitis too,” he says.

“We wash the area with anti-bacterial soap before we tattoo it, and if we’re doing a chest tattoo, we can’t lean skin on skin with the person, we we put a cover down.

“There’s always a chance of infection, but it’s when they leave the shop after being tattooed, if they don’t look after it properly.”

And what about Dutch courage?

You’re asked to be free of substances before sitting for your tattoo, but it’s for a very good reason.

“We don’t tattoo people who have been drinking because it thins the blood, making you bleed more, and that forces the ink out of the tattoo,”

G

emoji just under the crook of his elbow.

Brad Pitt also got a forearm tattoo, but went down a much more cryptic route.

He didn’t reveal until recently that the tree he had tattooed on him was in fact an image of the world’s largest sequoia, a tree that reminds him of growing up among the woods and rivers of the Ozarks, a mountainous region in the USA.

the skin LOVE ‘em or hate ‘em, there’s no escaping the fact that the popularity of tattooing endures as a form of self-expression. From the Maoris to Rihanna, KATIE CAMPBELL is willing to share all you need to know about getting inked up...

says Graeme.

“With drugs, it’s just because we don’t know what they’ve taken, and the risk that comes from sharing needles.

“Because of how quickly the machine moves, blood can atomise in the air, meaning it’s dangerous for us as well.”

Speaking of ink, tattoo ink is amazing. It used to be made from anything that people could get their hands on: soot, melted rubber from soles of shoes, ash – the list goes on.

Now, it’s mass produced from carbon pigments and tattoo artists can mix and make almost every colour imaginable.

“Black pigment is made from organic products, like vegetable dyes,” says Graeme. “The quality of the ink has gotten so much better over the past 20 years. You can see it in how good modern tattoos look compared to, for example, my dad’s tattoos from the 70s, which

all look like they’ve been done with knitting needles.”

Tattoos are a brilliant way to express yourself, especially when they’re done well and in a safe environment. Don’t skimp out on something as permanent as a tattoo – you could live to regret it.

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I

t’s believed that tattooing was being practised in Europe as early as about 10,000BC, but the tattoos were nothing at all like what we have today.

In 1991, a mummy was found in the Ötzal Alps whose body was covered in around 60 tattoos.

No dolphins or Chinese characters though – Ötzi’s tattoos are thought to be a kind of ancient acupuncture technique, since they look like small dots and lines across his pressure points.

Tattooing was a mainly European practice for a long time.

At one point Julius Caesar made a hilariously unsuccessful attempt to invade and control Scotland – so hilariously unsuccessful that he eventually just had to say to himself “sod it, I’ll just build a wall to keep them out of my bit”.

Caesar noted that the Picts – the people who lived around the Forth and Clyde area of Scotland – were covered in terrifying blue tattoos that they made by cutting shapes themselves and rubbing woad into the cuts, which sounds altogether pretty painful and terrifying.

If that was the standard practice for people living in Scotland at the time, you can sort of see how Caesar didn’t manage to take Scotland for Rome. The Picts sound a bit mental.

In the Eastern world, tattooing had many different purposes during ancient times.

In China, tattooing was seen as a barbaric practice that was reserved usually for criminals or prisoners as a means of branding them, usually on their face.

Japan has always had a different approach to tattooing to the rest of the world.

It’s gone from being a decorative process to identifier, but it’s always been associated with outlaws or gang members.

Traditionally, Japanese tattooing was done using a process called Irezumi, which involved being stuck with a load of tiny needles attached to a bit of wood for hours on end.

If you’ve ever seen a yakuza tattoo in a Japanese crime movie like Ichi the Killer, you’ll know they go over the person’s full body, so to say these kind of tattoos are painful doesn’t even cover the half of it.

Because of the relationship be-

Inking up just isn’t what it used to be tween tattoos and gangs, there’s still a strange attitude towards them in Japan.

Even if you’re a Westerner with a little butterfly on your hip, you can be turned away from a bathhouse in Japan for having a tattoo. he country’s starting to come around to the idea of how cool tattoos are in Japan, but for the moment, maybe keep your tattoos under wraps if you’re planning a visit. Outside of Japan, the most famous kind of traditional tattooing is probably Samoan tattoos.

They’ve been doing them the same way for hundreds of years, and it’s a skill passed down from father to son.

Getting tattoos in Samoan culture is

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seen as a sign of bravery, to the point where they actually have a word for people who don’t have tattoos which translates as something along the lines of “massive fearty.” Unlike your standard 25-minute lad’s holiday tattoo (that is almost inevitably on their bum, what is that all about?), it can take up to five years to complete a traditional Samoan tattoo, which is just as painful as an Irizumi tattoo, if not more so.

There’s also Māori of New Zealand, who have two different types of tattooing that they are known for.

The first is Kirithui, which is a lot like tattooing as we know it because it involves pushing ink under the skin with a needle.

The other, however, is Tā moko.

This is what the Māori call the act of getting a massive chisel (yes, a chisel) and hammering patterns into their own faces which they then cover with ink.

It’s considered to be incredibly bad form if a non-Māori person gets this done to themselves, but to be honest, I’m not sure I see the appeal in chiseling a tattoo into the skin of my face, so I can’t imagine many people out there are begging to get this done.

Makes you thankful your tattoo artist just used a needle, eh?

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or Steven Stewart, the morning after the night before was more than just a figurative pain in the ass. One morning, Steven woke up with not only a raging hangover, but a painful bum cheek.

After managing to groggily bring himself in front of the mirror, he turned around to discover that in his drunken haze, someone had tattooed a smiley face onto his bottom.

He had been drinking at the house of a friend who was an aspiring tattoo artist. After a few too many drinks, he thought it would be fun to let his friend tattoo him. It didn’t turn out quite as expected though, as the tattoo is a bit

WIN Prepare to take a roller-coaster of a ride as the IRN-BRU Carnival rolls back into town!

It’s that time of year again… from Friday 19 December 2014 until Sunday 11 January 2015* the ultimate adrenaline junkies’ playground, the IRN-BRU Carnival, is set to take over the SECC, Glasgow once again.

To celebrate the return of Europe’s largest indoor funfair, the IRN-BRU Carnival has teamed up with Student RagMagazine to offer readers the chance to win one of five

Tattoo Tales

of a shaky mess. It’s not something that Steven entirely regrets. It’s silly enough that it can be a conversation starter and he is prone to whipping it out at any given moment to entertain guests at weddings, funerals, bar mitzvahs, and punters in pubs.

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t’s never a great idea to get a tattoo on holiday. You never really know what you’re letting yourself in for.

Mark from Glasgow decided to get famous cartoon strongman Popeye tattooed on his bicep while on holiday in Crete, like you do. He was expecting to leave the parlour with a cool inking.

Sitting down in the chair, everything was absolutely fine.

Getting the stencil on was fine.

The tattoo artist started to draw the outline on his skin and everything was fine.

The tattoo artist got three-quarters of the way through the outline and suddenly everything was very much not fine.

Mark fainted, and his tattoo remains an unfinished outline on his arm to this day. The pain was simply too much for him; so he’s never got it finished.

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ne of the best things about the internet is how it allows us all to come together to laugh at the misfortunes of others.

The blog Hanzi Smatter exists not only for the above, but to allow those curious to send in their “don’t judge me it was the number one tattoo trend of the nineties” Chinese character tattoo that they lifted from a flash in the shop.

The blog is “dedicated to the misuse of Chinese characters in Western culture,” and while it focuses primarily on tattoos, it will also translate your dodgy chinese character t-shirt, bracelet or sign so that you’re not inadvertently offending any of the almost one billion Mandarin speakers in the world.

You can’t help but cringe when reading about some poor soul who got a tattoo 15 years ago of what they thought meant “pure man” but is, in reality, somewhere between a weird translation of “chic man” and half the name of a Japanese television show called ‘Aesthetics of Ikiotoko’.

Or finding out that the tattoo you thought was a slick translation of “unbreakable” actually reads “damage cannot cut” to a native speaker. Yeesh.

IRN BRU

CARNIVAL

TICKETS

pairs of tickets to the ultimate festive day out.

Making a debut this year is the ‘Crazy Mouse’, a thrilling roller-coaster that will send the daredevils in the family on a speed frenzy journey.

Also new for 2014, is the ‘Dreams Live’ and ‘TopFlip’ which will take riders on an up-side-down spin.

Visitors can reach new heights on the returning ‘Extreme XL’ as the IRN-BRU Carnival ventures outside the SECC and onto the banks of the River Clyde. Expect to scream at the top of your lungs as you are spun and swung 50ft feet into the air!

For kids both big and small, the firm favourites are back again. There’s fun for all the family on the Teacups, Dodgems and Carousel whilst older families will enjoy the Drop Zone and Speed Buzz.

This year there will also be theme days, giving kids and grown-ups alike the chance to dress up as their favourite childhood characters on

certain days throughout the Carnival.

So dig out those costumes because the IRN-BRU Carnival is going to be overrun by pirates, princesses, superheroes, villains and many more.

Celebrating 94 years of family fun, the Carnival is Europe’s largest indoor funfair with over 60 rides and attractions. With new and exciting additions this year, it’s set to be even bigger and better than ever before. As a family ‘must do’, make sure to visit the IRN-BRU Carnival as part of your family’s festive fun!

Entry price is £13 with visitors receiving ten vouchers

which can be used on all rides and most stalls** (each ride is one voucher and stalls are two vouchers). For full information please visit www. irn-bru-carnival.com. *Closed Christmas Day **Some stalls are cash taking

Terms & Conditions This competition is open to all adults over the age of 18. All entries must include the name and contact details of the entrant. Entries will not be considered if they do not have all information specified. Winners will be chosen at random, this decision is final. Prize is one pair of tickets to the IRN-BRU Carnival. Prize is only valid for one day. This prize has no cash alternative, is non-refundable and non-exchangeable. Travel is not included. The IRN-BRU Carnival reserves the right to refuse entry without explanation.

For a chance to win one pair of tickets for the IRN-BRU Carnival, answer the question: WHAT NEW RIDE WILL SEND YOU ON AN UPSIDE-DOWN FLIP?

Text your answer FREE along with your name, phone number and email address to 07746-792724 or email competitions@ student-rag.co.uk Closing date Dec 1. Editor’s decision is final.

travel l German Xmas market

Play, Pie & a Pint

Yeah, the sport...that’s why I went there IF snowboarding down black slopes and climbing vertical ice walls isn’t for you, then I’ve got just the winter ‘sport’ for you.

Ice skating. And by ice skating, I mean touring German Christmas markets while eating chocolate and doing the occasional lap round a Santa’s grotto themed skating rink for kids.

Every year, cities all over Germany host a variety of visually stunning and nostalgia-inducing outdoor markets in the run-up to Christmas.

These markets are complete with vendors selling Bratwurst hot dogs, hot chocolate and more sugary treats than you can possibly imagine.

Think of your favourite three Christmas films, turn them into a l Val Thorens

market, put them in Germany and that’s pretty much what I’m on about.

Picture ‘Whoville’ from the Grinch with distinctly more Sauerkraut.

There is even some ‘sport’ on offer. After indulging yourself at the markets all day, throw on some skates, try not to break your ankle for an hour (which is far easier said than done) before getting back to the eggnog and mulled wine. Mmmmmmm Cinnamon.

To get the most out of your ‘ice skating’ trip, you’re gonna want to fly into Hamburg, Germany’s beautiful second city, before making your way by bus, train or car to Berlin to complete the best Christmas ever.

Boom.

I look so sick in these shiny purple goggles I like to think that the world’s two most popular winter sports were invented by two Neanderthal men betting each other they couldn’t get the whole way down Mont Blanc while standing fully upright on a plank of wood.

Now, that may not be the most insightful view I hold, but then my opinions on the subject are irrelevant to the fact that skiing and snowboarding are freakin’ awesome.

Something about the combination of stunning scenery, blinding sunlight, and the very real presence of danger makes them an obvious choice for millions of families and student-types across Europe.

In Europe, skiing and snowboarding doesn’t get much better than in Val Thorens, Savoy in France’s South East, sandwiched neatly between Turin on the East and Lyon to the West.

It holds the honour of being ‘the highest ski resort in Europe’ and ‘the largest linked ski area in the world’.

If you need much more convincing, then I highly recommend you immediately open a new tab and type in ‘Val Thorens’ into Google images. It’s quite a special place.

While you’re there, your day will pretty much pan out like this: 1. Wake up, throw on ski gear 2. Ski on a variety of black, red, blue and green slopes for 4-5 hours 3. Head to one of the many bars on the resort for some Apres-Ski pints 4. Ski back to the accommodation for an enormous amount of food and more beer 5. Head back out to one of the many clubs on the resort for yet more pints 6. Repeat for 7 days Even if you’re not big on skiing, don’t let that put you off.

One of my friends heard about a skiing trip to Val Thorens through his uni and decided he quite liked the idea of pints/flying down a mountain.

With basically no experience, he booked the holiday and picked up the basics on his first day on the resort.

If you’re ever so slightly less, erm…straight up cocky than my friend is, then you’ve got the option of a few lessons at the start of your holiday before heading to the black slope.

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travel

Chill out

YOU’VE gotta go one of two ways with your travel experience: hot or cold.

Going anywhere that isn’t significantly warmer or cooler than home – like York, or something – doesn’t count, despite what the good people at caravan club will argue.

That said, one is faced with a

somewhat difficult travel choice.

Hot? Cold? Hot? Or Cold?

We can hear inner you crying out for copious amounts of Christmas songs, hot chocolate and wind burn.

So here RICHARD JONES presents five of the best winter sports and a few places you can go to do them.

Pass me my orange helmet and spiky shoes I believe there are two kinds of badass winter sport lovers out there.

The first is the kind of snow enthusiast who wants to go as fast downhill as is humanly possible, and therefore far more suited to a ski/snowboarding holiday.

The second is the kind of person who looks at a vertical ice wall and thinks, “I’m going to get up that even if it takes seven million hours”.

If the second person sounds much more like you, then prepare yourself, because you’re going ice climbing.

Ice climbing and hiking are hugely popular (and extremely tough) winter sports, and pretty much the best places to do both is in Europe; more specifically The Alps.

There’s a heap of great climbing and hiking spots in and around the resort at Val Thorens, but other locations in the mountain range which offer a variety of challenges and walks include in and around Mont Blanc and further north in the Swiss Alps.

Your climbing holiday can be as extreme or as laid back as you choose, really.

Some travel companies organise treks that fit around varying levels of fitness, and all you need do is strap on some snow shoes and follow the leader.

The scenery will be incredible, and something about looking back down a glacier or mountain you’ve just spent hours walking up is extremely, extremely gratifying.

For those of you more intent on putting yourself in a situation of very real, apparent danger, then never fear.

I’ve always held the opinion that if something is completely safe, then it’s more than likely not worth doing at all.

If that’s what you’re after then heading to the alps this winter might just fill that gaping hole you’ve always felt could only be filled with ice hooks.

The Mont Blanc range is extremely popular for climbing fanatics because of its unique geography, and there’s a host of companies that provide climbing lessons and guides. twenty-one

travel

Wait, how North actually am I? So…Skiing and snowboarding?

Can do better. Vertical climbs?...Not quite. How about a lovely Christmas market? Not extreme enough.

I hear you, I really do. Which is why I’m about to tell you about all the crazy maniacal stuff you can do in Lapland.

Yeah, buddy, you’re going to Santa’s house and you’re going to have the time of your life.

Your crazy winter sport holiday will take you to Lapland first of all, to places like Sevetijärvi or Rovaniemi, but you’ll most likely spend some time in Sweden or Norway as well.

In terms of experiences, it doesn’t get much better than heading to the Arctic Circle than down to the Alps.

I’ll detail the kind of week you can have. A host of travel and tourism companies will organise the whole thing for you for a fee, so don’t worry if you don’t a degree in Arctic biology, because it’s not really required.

Day One of your holiday will see you arrive inside the Arctic Circle in Rovaniemi. From there, you’ll have to get a bus even further north to any number of tourist hotels in the area.

You’ll need some snow safari gear (so you don’t succumb to the below freezing temperatures which can reach as low as -30 degrees) before heading outside to take in some of the Nordic scenery and stargaze into a night sky like no other. twenty-two

Day Two is significantly more sporty. And that’s because you’re going to get a snowmobile. Oh yeah.

You’ll drive 170km North into Norway on a trail through arctic wilderness and icy landscapes.

You’ll head to a reindeer farm (because that’s what the child in you would want) before hunting for the Northern Lights at night. I’ve been told that no amount of pictures/ videos of the event can prepare you for the sheer beauty of seeing the Aurora Borealis for yourself.

Day Three is husky day. Six dogs will carry you on a sled across more snowy terrain and glaciers.

You’ll also get to spend some time with the dogs before and after and learn a little about how they’re trained and whatnot. You’ll hike up a glacier (because when in Rome) and clamber up a giant frozen waterfall until you reach the unfrozen lake at the top.

Day Four you’ll spend back on the snowmobile. You’ll make the trip back to Norway to a fishing village called Sevetijärvi on the North Sea. You’ll meet the local fisherman that live in the area and spend some time on the edge of the frozen lakes that surround the sea.

Then, because you’re *officially* on a winter sports holiday, you’re going to go for a swim.

Because nothing makes a better story than that time you drove a snowmobile to Norway and swam across a semi-frozen lake.

Plus, it’ll mean that you’ll be able to look at your friends condescendingly next time they say ‘I’m sooooo cold.’, before telling them they have no idea what being actually cold feels like.

interview

give us a minute Quick questions with: RODRIGO SANCHEZ of RODRIGO Y GABRIELA You performed for President Obama in the White House four years ago - has anything topped that?

I’m not sure that anything could top it from a weird, surreal point of view.

Having the President of the United States telling the President of Mexico how much he loves your music, while you are standing there.

You wrote and played some of the soundtrack for Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Shores and Puss in Boots. Any more soundtracks planned?

It was an interesting challenge, and we worked with some talented people.

It’s an unusual discipline, when you are asked for eight seconds of happy music. I wouldn’t rule out doing more soundtracks.

Do you consider yourselves political having dedicated some of your music from your album 9 Dead Alive to anti-slavery campaigner Harriet Tubman, as well as Chilean poet Gabriela Mistral and other historical figures.

With the dedications on the album, we wanted to highlight some less known people who we think have done important humanitarian or artistic work.

With all due respect, it would be easy to dedicate a song to Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandela. If the album inspires someone to find out more about Tubman, or Mistral, or Nansen; then it will be mission accomplished.

You begin your UK tour in November – is there a highlight of that tour, somewhere you have always wanted to play? Where is the best place to gig in the world?

We’ve always had a good reception in Scotland, right back

as far as King Tut’s years ago; and we had a couple of crazy nights at Barrowlands, so we’re looking forward to coming to Glasgow.

Which music festival would you consider the guitarist’s Mecca?

Glastonbury comes to mind, not just for guitar players.

There is such a wide variety of music, from rock to jazz to stuff from all over the world.”

You started out playing Heavy Metal busking in Dublin – do you still play it or is it a world away from what you’re into now?

Metal is a huge part of our musical DNA, the songs on 9 Dead Alive are all based on rock riffs rather than Latin riffs; that’s the first time that’s happened on an album.

Do you miss busking or do you sometimes do it for nostalgic reasons?

We actually did a busking session in Dublin in June this year, it was good fun to be back on Grafton Street. It was important when we first moved to Ireland, we ran out of money and it was a good way to earn some cash.

AT what age did you begin learning, who taught you and what musicians were you listening to at the start?

I listened to classic rock stuff when I was growing up, Beatles, Led Zep, Pink

Floyd. My older brother was a guitarist, and I picked it up from him. Hearing Metallica for the first time was as important moment for me.​ Did you ever consider doing anything else other than playing the guitar full time and what are your other passions?

I was a good footballer as a teenager, but I had a bad injury which stopped my career. I still love watching football.

I like to travel, see places around the world where the tour bus doesn’t go.

How many guitars do you have and do any of them have a quirky back-story?

Not that many. We have a great relationship with Yahama, who custom made guitars to our specifications. I’m not a hanging around guitar shops on tour kind of guy.

As you are no longer a couple does that ever affect the passion in your playing together?

We split up a couple of years ago. It’s a happy arrangement, it hasn’t had an adverse effect on us playing together.

Rodrigo y Gabriela play the O2 Academy in Glasgow on Dec 6

THE USA “HAVING THE PRESIDENT OF SURREAL” SAY HE LOVES YOUR MUSIC IS

interview

We Were Promised

You end your North America and UK tour in Glasgow at the QMU just before Christmas – is it the best Christmas present you could have wished for?

We are really looking forward to it. I don’t think its the best christmas present. It is a job. I’m having to work that night so I wouldn’t call it a present!

I’d really like a bike this year.

TELL us a secret about yourselves that will be an eye opener for our readers?

ONE OF US WAS IN THE WOMB FOR 10 MONTHS. 10 MONTHS!!

Does your North America tours lure you to America or would you prefer to stay routed in the UK? I would rather we played to more people in the UK. We don’t do that well here and that makes us sad.

But I guess being able to tour North America consistently is pretty good.

What did each of you study at university?

I did Politics. Sean did Maths.

Mike did Electronics with Music.

Darren did German and Film and Media. Stuart did Music.

What would each of you had done if music and your band had not taken off the way it did?

I’ve no idea. Would probably still be trying to figure it out.

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When you won Battle of The Bands as teenagers did you think, ‘this is our first ticket out of here’?

Haha absolutely not. It was our first show so it felt good that we weren’t terrible.

I guess it gave us a little confidence but it wasn’t really a well put together official battle of the bands. An eccentric teacher put it on in the dinner hall of our school.

Will you watch the X Factor final and what do you think of the show?

If I’m home and flicking through TV channels I might watch it for a bit.

The early stages with the nutters is always entertaining. I don’t know, its a big pile of p*sh but I don’t care if people like it.

WAS it frustrating knowing that at least five X Factor entrants are in the Top 20 when you guys are clearly a genuine product of hard word and independent thought?

Not really. To me what we are up to is completely different from what they are up to.

and thought out in great depth.

He was great at analysing a song and picking out parts that could be improved or scrapped to help the song.

It sounds simple but he was really good at that and it wasn’t something we had really done before.

What did producer Paul Savage (who has worked with teenage Fan Club, Franz Ferdinand and Mogwai) bring to your album when he got involved in the process?

He brought a vision of an end product that had been considered

You’ve performed with a few bands now, the ones with the greatest longevity being Bon Jovi – did you get any advice from Jon? Did you meet him backstage?

No. I doubt he even knew or cared who was playing before him.

I think he arrived by car a few minutes before their set.

Jetpacks for Xmas on with Adam Thomps

reasons we have lasted so long is because we all feel the same about the band at all times.

You released your documentary this year – was that quite stressful filming? Were there times you asked filming to stop and if so why/ what happened?

Nope, it was our buddy Matt Gee who filmed it. I can’t even remember him filming us at all.

We Were Promised Jetpacks play Glasgow QMU on December 13.

DO all of you agree in the direction of the band or do you sometimes find one of you wants to deviate? Is there an obvious leader amongst you?

I think one of the

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interview

I

N the interest of public satisfaction, are you comfortable with the following words?...’D*ck? Soapy t*ts? W*nk?’

Imagine you’re at an automated e machine at the cinema, but befor gh releasing your ticket it runs throu a short – horrifyingly explicit – survey.

You repeatedly yell ‘no’ at the are machine to every rude word you bombarded with.

Meanwhile scores of mortified onlookers gather to witness this public humiliation.

It couldn’t get more embarrassing, right? Wrong. As if happens, if all s goes to plan and the new E4 serie Bad Robots – a cross between Punk’d and Off Their Rockers – takes off then millions of people will be watching extremely close up and personal in high definition.

It may seem like the worst idea of it hell but to the writers and creators has been a laugh a minute creating it and they hope that viewers and

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in “Some people did react in a certa eventually, any unsuspecting partic ing way and we had people not know ipants, will also see the joke. it. They (the robots) were incredibly Bad Robots writer Ben Spiteri explains: “When you look at the expensive and some people were normal hidden camera shows you hitting the machine. can’t be seen so cameras are hid“We set up a phone charging unit den in prams with a long lens. in a shopping centre.

“We’ve taking that one step “They are standalone lockers and further and the aesthetics are bette have keys in them which people they r because people are interacting with have the opportunity to lock their a machine so they are literally ten phones in and charge when their inches from the camera and it’s all phone’s about to die. perfectly captured in HD. s soon as the person has “It’s like a hidden camera show closed the locker it’s closed mixed with a sketch show. tight. A JCB couldn’t get in!

“A lot of our stuff isn’t horrenAs the door is closed an dously mean. We are preying on automated voice says, ‘Insert your natural frustration of self-automated phone in 60 seconds’. equipment that companies want “Then it says, ‘Before you close ed to make. the unit make sure you have back “They (people) would look no up your photos and all contacts more stupid than us. and information on your phone as “In some of the scenes we wrote everything will be wiped.’ and designed, the robots pick up “One guy who had locked his on r in the key words someone might say phone in started kicking the locke e and highlight it. panic but he couldn’t get his phon “So, for example, when someone out!” frustratingly attempts to respond Writer and co-producer of Bad to da, the machine it might say ‘Did you Robots, Ben also wrote for Miran say ‘sex’?’

The Thick of It, Strictly Come “The machines are bad and do Dancing, Sport Relief and a some pretty wind-up stuff at place previous popular hidden cams such as self-checkouts. era show, Off Their Rockers.

Bad Robots has him performing some of the voiceovers along with Michael Gambon (Dumbledore in Harry Potter) who narrates the start of

A

interview

Rage against the machines every episode and Simon Greenall (Michael in I’m Alan Partridge).

Bot, described by Ben as ‘an awesome-looking robot’ is also in every episode and is a reminder of the origins of their first screening.

Ben recalls: “In the pilot we built a primitive version, Channel 4 loved it so we built it properly.

We have an incredible art director Abby Bowers. Myself, Paul and Nathan Eastwood – the creator and producer of the show – generated the ideas and I wrote the script.

We would come up

with the idea and go to Abby. For example with the change machine we needed a screen, speakers and it couldn’t look weird or out of place . so we ran things like that by Abby “There were also more basic scenes. We set up in a nightclub and the machine asked people to stick their fingers in their nose to prove they hadn’t sniffed substances.

“In a garden centre we had a machine linked to a giant screen.

People would stand in front of it and it would say ‘the best plants for you are…searching for ‘dogs having sex’.

“On the massive screen an imag e of dogs having sex appears. The reaction of most people is ‘do I walk away and I look guilty?’

“Older people reacted okay and responded by saying things like, ‘I said nothing of the sort!’

“In another there was a driving theory exam for 18-20 year-olds

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who were studying and nervous. We spoke to driving instructors and asked is there anyone up for a laugh?

“The test was an automated test with real driving theory questions.

Then the questions asked, ‘Which of these celebrities cannot drive? Craig David or Ian Botham?’

“We also had teenagers making sandwiches for the perfect driving test. Once the test was over we told anyone who had appeared in that sketch we would pay for their driving test.”

Other hilarious and ridiculous scenes include billboards that pick on you and paint being shot all over a shop that had just been decorated. he easiest thing for the writers to get across is how much people take it for granted that machines are in the right.

We rely on them for our morning alarm, our news, for travel, for health and so much more information so humans take a while to process a machine or robot in error.

Ben recalls: “It was so much fun filming it. The first week of filming I went to a cash machine, put in my card and selected, ‘withdraw cash’.

“The machine started offering me money at £300 and £400 options but I only wanted £30 and that option wasn’t available so I had to withdraw £300.

“The things that happen in the series are similar to all the experiences you have in life though we created a couple of machines that don’t exist.”

One of the biggest problems with working alongside colleagues who write and design pranks for a living is that you are always on edge that the next joke may be on you.

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Ben laughs: “We sent one of our assistant producers to go to a location that we were thinking about filming at.

“We were assessing the toilets for a machine we would build called Jungle Blast where you put your hands under and loads of maggots drop from the ceiling.

“He went to the toilet there and the handryer shot out sparks and gave him an electric shock and while he stood there all alone he laughed and said, ‘nice one guys’.

“He came back to the office and we said, ‘we didn’t have anything to do with it, mate you actually got an electric shock you’d better go to the hospital!’

“I always argue with my girlfriend that I could trick her. I set up a friend who put money in a parking ticket machine.

“When her ticket went in it showed a promo video of beaches and waves and when she pushed the ‘change’ button it said, ‘you have selected ‘change’. Change is never easy…’ It was a self-help video.

“There wasn’t even a flicker from my friend. She was just furious she didn’t get her change.”

Ben expected a few upsets along the way with the filming so to then persuade the irate ‘victim’ sign a consent form allowing it to be screened was the ultimate challenge.

The writer admits: “There’s no way you can get out there and not have a few upsets. You do get people upset and worked up and some then don’t sign.

“One key one was a woman in a passport booth where we manipulated her face and her nose looked massive.

“She got a bit upset and she kept saying ‘I hate my nose’. With scenes like that we had to get consent retrospectively which is an art form.

You get very good at watching them interact and see what they need to make them sign.

“It might be someone who needs an ego boost.

“The way I see it people who we hit (film) might be having a mundane day then we have them creasing up with laughter.”

It sounds like a group of teenagers who have a blast while coming up with some silly ideas and get paid for the privilege!

Ben is the first to agree. e confirms: “There have been times where I’ve said out loud, ‘I can’t believe this is my job.’

You go all over the country in a van jumping out of bed and think, ‘we’re doing the postage machine today’.

“As long as no one gets hurt then we’re happy. We were mucking around and our project manager said, ‘you two are like little boys in school’.

“It was like a parents meeting I recall where the teacher said, ‘he’s very destructive’. I’d like to go back to school and tell them what I do now!

“We’re waiting for the call from Channel 4 for the second series. We want to go bigger and bigger.

“What if we could go to a football match and could take control of the big screen?!! We are super-interested in Ibiza Bot!’

H

BAD ROBOTS will air on November 11 at 10pm on E4.

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COMING SOON TO A PLACE NEAR YOU...

Looking for a gig or new release and don’t know where to go? Never fear, STEPHEN BUTCHARD has a quick look at what’s a goin’ on...

“Run the Jewels is, murder mayhem melodic music” barks Killer Mike on Blockbuster Night Part 1 above El-P’s rattling, monstrous beat.

The two hip-hop giants go back and forth, spitting feverish verses with so much conviction and skill that I can’t help but sit in awe, and bob my head like the awkward white boy I am.

It’s a certified banger, and one that perfectly sums up the reason for project’s acclaim.

The duo’s cartoonish violence, hilarious quotables, and forward thinking production style fuse together in a way that is ridiculously

fun to listen to. Some were surprised to see Killer Mike speaking so eloquently on police brutality in Ferguson on CNN, to the point where he became one of the most convincing voices on the issue.

The contrast between that soft spoken interview and Run the Jewel’s ‘I don’t give a F***’ attitude is staggering, but that just goes to show how essential Run the Jewels is.

It’s a project with no agenda, other than writing beats that bang and verses that slay the competition.

Run the Jewels will tour the UK following the release of their album RTJ2 which can be downloaded free from their website.

run the jewels

banks

LA-BASED singer-songwriter Banks has being creating a huge buzz over the past year with a string of darkly tinged R&B tracks, which captivate thanks to their lush, textured production and harsh electronic edge.

The nocturnal beats on singles such as Brain are reminiscent of acts such as The Weeknd, while the breathy vocals on Drowning call Lana Del Rey to mind.

While it is undoubtable that Banks has a lot of trendy influences up her sleeve, there is a crunch to her voice that sets her apart from her contemporaries and makes her an interesting act to follow.

Much of Banks’ music is drenched in pure sex appeal, with lyrics and music videos that delve into lust and love – with plenty of black and white close ups of body parts that can only be described as tumblrific.

Her husky, confident tone makes her more emotionally grabbing than other similar Alternative R&B acts.

That confidence should shine through when she plays in Glasgow’s O2 ABC on November 19.

ben howard

Ben Howard showed huge ambition in the build-up to his second release I Forget Where We Were.

The singer-songwriter took a bold leap by playing a string of gigs showcasing almost entirely new material – most of which is more brooding and less immediate than the shiny pop aesthetic of debut Every Kingdom.

Set highlight End of the Affair fits all of that criteria; at over seven minutes, it’s one of Howard’s most ambitious efforts thus far.

It begins with his distinctive, fragile vocal, on the

verge of crumbling from sheer emotion over sparse, lonely plucked guitar notes.

As the track progresses, the tension builds wonderfully, with Howard’s voice increasingly impassioned over reverb soaked guitar flourishes.

It then morphs into a Foals-esque guitar jam, before climaxing with heavy cymbal crashes and primal yells of anger, love and frustration.

This track could well prove to be a highlight when Howard’s tour comes to the Usher Hall in Edinburgh on December 6.

preview

perfume genius “NO family safe when I sashay” sings Mike Hadreas on Queen, the lead single from his latest release Too Bright.

The refrain is a potent and frankly badass moment on a song that displays Hadreas’ sharpness as a lyricist with its satirical, provocative approach to discussing something he calls ‘gay panic’, where your very existence as a gay person makes others feel threatened.

In many ways, Too Bright marks a significant change of sound for the project, with brash, noisy and experimental textures replacing the stripped back, eerie, and downright beautiful piano ballads of Hadreas’

first two releases. These earlier albums succeeded thanks to the raw emotion in his vocals that projected whatever feeling he was portraying onto the listener in a powerful way, which is even more impressive given the sometimes unsettling lyrical topics covered.

This raw, emotional undercurrent can be felt on Too Bright, but it now comes with a fair amount of bombast and added flare.

All of which should make for an intense live performance when the singer and pianist plays an intimate set at The Caves in Edinburgh on November 23.

“Step inside of my mind and you’ll find curiosity, animosity / High philosophy like the prophesied meditation” spits Kendrick on his recent exhilarating collaboration with Flying Lotus.

With dizzying, rapid fire precision, he lets loose a brain melting verse loaded with complex internal rhyming that covers the theme of death in a way that sees Ken-

kendrick lamar prides

drick at his most alive. Kendrick Lamar’s hyperactive flow meshes perfectly with Flying Lotus’s equally restless avante-jazz production, which makes the fact that Kendrick has reportedly recorded 12 or so tracks using the electronic pioneer’s beats very exciting indeed.

But then again, any new music from the hip-hop titan would be exciting.

Kendrick Lamar rose to prominence with an excellent debut album Section 80, on which

prides

he displayed an incredible skill as a storyteller, with a gripping emotional narrative running throughout.

In 2012, he released his follow-up effort good kid, m.A.A.d city with the help of Dr Dre, an album which strengthened Kendrick’s prowess as a storyteller, with sharp lyricism and lush production that place it as a modern classic in the genre.

The rapper plans to release new material by the end of the year.

Performing at the closing ceremony of the Commonwealth Games is an impressive feat for a fairly unknown band, but that’s what happened to Prides.

The massive exposure brought a fair degree of pressure on the synthpop trio to deliver on this new found success.

But don’t rule them out as a simply another media buzzband just yet.

Their synth-drenched anthems seem crafted for arenas, and it’s easy to picture huge crowds blasting out the band’s brightly coloured choruses in the very near future.

The sugary blend of bright synths, soaring hooks and passion soaked singing is a winning combination.

The dizzying euphoria of the band makes them an exciting pop act to bet on, and their relentless touring suggests a hunger for success that shines in their infectious output thus far.

Catch Prides at The Arches in Glasgow on December 6.

thirty-one

tech

Watch this space (sorry) for top gifts Pebble Smartwatch Price: £99.99 Red/White Plastic Steel Out Now Thanks to the announcement of the Apple iWatch, hype over wearable tech is intense.

But for those looking for a Smartwatch that’s both intuitive, inexpensive, and available right now, Pebble’s offering might make the perfect Christmas present.

The original Pebble watch launched last year, backed by a kickstarter campaign that managed to raise over $10 million for the company.

The watch has been praised for its intelligent design, which utilises both Android and iOS operating systems.

Its E-paper screen is comparable to the screen used on Kindles, and although that makes for an unimpressive looking colour pallet, it does give superb battery life.

The app standard

of Pebble devices is constantly improving with fitness apps such as Misfit turning the device into an exercise tracker at no extra cost.

While the app store may be modest in comparison to smartphone app stores, its focused approach means that the device works to its strengths well. The store is growing by the day, so watch this space (Ha.) The device links to your handset’s Bluetooth, making reading texts, emails and even controlling your phone’s music a breeze.

The recently launched Pebble Steel is sturdy and sleek, but its plastic counterpart, identical in functionality, is retailing for half the price, making it the best smartwatch for those on a budget.

This bad boy’s still the One for you Xbox One Price: £329.99 Out: Now Christmas for many, means consoles, and with many impressive looking systems competing with each other, it’s hard to decide which one to splash your cash on.

Thanks to its recent price drop in the UK, the Xbox One could be a frontrunner (it’s a whole £100 cheaper than when it launched).

This means it’s slightly more affordable than the PS4, and the console is struggling in sales compared to its arch enemy.

But the slew of exciting games slated for release in the near future makes the console very enticing indeed, with Forza Horizon 2, Sunset Overdrive and Halo: The Master Chief Collection coming exclusively to the system this winter – just don’t tell your parents that you blew your SAAS on Halo!

Relax – it’s all in hand

Did you say Lego?

LEGO Builder Case for iPad mini Price: £44.95 Available now in: Red, Green, Yellow There are countless iPad cases out there and admittedly, it’s not hard to find ones cheaper and more practical than this one.

But come on. You can build things out of Lego on your iPad. There’s not much more to say to be honest.

Nintendo’s new 3DS and 3DS XL Price: New 3DS not yet announced; 2DS - £99; Release date for new versions: Exp. Q1 2015 Handheld fans rejoice!

In the first quarter of 2015, Nintendo are rumoured to be releasing revamped versions of both the Nintendo

tech

TOP GEAR

DON’T know your iPhones from your headphones or simply looking to check out the next piece of kit on your to-buy list? Either way, please allow STEPHEN BUTCHARD to guide you through the minefield of gadgets in your quest Razer Nabu for the top Price: Est. £50.00 tech...

Out: Est. Q4 2014 Available in: Black, Green, Orange, White

Band’s wear it’s at

Student Rag’s guide to the best tech

A sound investment Betron B750s Earphones Price: £10 now on Amazon Available now in red These bass heavy earphones were released at the start of the year, but they still hold up as the best budget pair of running headphones around.

Betron take a no frills approach with the B750s and their simple design, which focuses on sound quality and ease of use over complicating the design with gimmicks.

The Betrons are surprisingly comfortable to use and won’t fall 3DS and XL, with a gauntlet of improvements that are sure to convince many to hop on to the system.

It has been selling incredibly well in its native Japan, and will be heading to Austrailia in November.

The new finely tuned models feature additional controls such as a second thumb stick and a home button, an improved screen and CPU, better battery life, and built-in support for Nintendo’s amiibo range.

Those who have tested the system thus far such as IGN’s Brian Altano have been blown away by the revisions.

The new systems come in a gorgeous range of pastel colours. I’m not kidding. These systems look delicious.

If you can’t handle the wait, a more affordable version of the current system is available now at a bargain price of £99, and given the impressive list of games available, including the soon to be released Super Smash Bros, it could be the perfect time to purchase.

out during a long run. Sound quality is equally surprising given the low cost.

Of course, it doesn’t sound perfect, but the quality surpasses many other budget pairs out there and as a pair of fitness headphones, they work very well. I have particularly huge lobes, and the Betrons fit in snuggly.

Admittedly, they look rather cheap, but that’s because they are, and the secure, sturdy feel to them is enough to forgive the tacky aesthetic.

If you’re looking for a cheap, simple pair of in-ear headphones with a nice amount of oomf, the Betrons are a worthy contender.

Let’s juice this puppy up Lumsing 10400mAh Power Bank Price: £17.99 on Amazon Out: Now Available in: Black, White There are so many external battery packs available, but none quite as impressive as the Lumsing Power Bank.

This is a must-have for festival goers, campers, or anyone else who requires a few days’ worth of juice whilst they’re away from the mains.

And at £17.99 on Amazon, it’s a bargain. A soft protective case is supplied and its brushed metal effect means that it looks surprisingly good for such a low prize, feeling sturdy and secure.

The company boasts up to 3-4 charges of an iphone,

giving impressive longevity on a trip. This number could extend to 6-8 charges for devices of a lower capacity.

The Lumsing has two USB outputs, meaning two devices can be charged simultaneously, so no fight should break out over who’s hogging all the juice. The Power Bank can charge phones, cameras, tablets, and weapons of mass destruction, if you’re into that.

Razer’s Nabu could be set to change the way people view wearable tech.

Smartbands and smartwatches have often been looked at as clunky, niche pieces of tech, but the Nabu’s simple, streamlined approach aims to be the perfect marriage of elegance and functionality.

The band comes with all the call, text, email and social media functions you would expect, but the discreet design makes for a gadget that’s far more practical than the watches that have come before it.

The band vibrates whenever a notification comes through from a compatible iOS or Android device.

On the underside is a private message screen designed in monochrome, giving the device an unobtrusive feel.

Nabu also uses built-in accelerometer and altimeter to track fitness goals.

The Nabu boasts an impressive battery life of seven days, meaning that its aim of being a life accessory may well be fulfilled.

The band is hoping to release by the end of the year.

tech

Image conscious Polaroid Socialmatic Camera Price: £196 Out: End of 2014 Available in: Black, White Thanks to the success of Fujifilm’s INSTAX camera, as well as the retro aesthetic of Instagram, Polaroid cameras have seen a resurgence in popularity over the past few years, and with good reason.

Instant cameras have a sentimental charm that snap happy young people everywhere have been falling in love with.

Now, Polaroid are bringing this retro trend into the digital age with their promising Socialmatic Camera which has a focus on social media and sharability.

The camera runs on

Android, and snaps can be shared through Instagram and edited on the fly before printing off a copy to keep for yourself.

The camera houses a Zink Instant Printer, as well as sporting both a 14 megapixal sensor and a rear facing 2 megapixel cam for the selfie-loving

masses. It comes in black or white, with adorable customisable covers available from the site.

It’s a hipster’s wet dream.

The Socialmatic may be a bit pricey, but its expansive features could make it a must-buy for those with a shutter bug when it launches at the end of the year.

A stream come true for your TV Game on boys PS4 Price: £349 Available in: Black, White The PS4 has been marketed as the gamer’s console and there certainly are some terrific games to play on it.

Sadly, as many first year cycles go for consoles, there really aren’t that many must-play titles out just yet.

But there will be.

The Playstation’s core strength has always been its impressive roster of first party exclusives.

The likes of Studio Japan, Team ICO, Studio Santa Monica and Naughty Dog giving gamers some of the downright best games ever made, such as thirty-four

Shadow of the Colossus, Dark Souls, God of War, Uncharted 2, and The Last of Us. The list is impressive, and will put many gamers at ease that Sony will deliver on its promise into next year.

As well as this, Sony’s PS Plus subscription has been impressing players since day one, with bonuses and complimentary content including full length games more than justifying the admission fee.

For now though, we’d recommend waiting until January, when the rumours of a price drop for the system may come into fruition.

Chromecast Price: £30 Out Now Why spend around £100 for streaming services like Apple TV when you could pay £30 for a magic internet stick that could solve all your TV streaming problems?

That’s where

Chromecast comes in.

Chromecast acts as a cheap media streaming adapter that turns any HDMI-equipped television into an app-driven smart TV when paired with a device such as a phone, tablet or computer.

The service is Google’s answer to revolutionary services such as Apple TV, or Roku 3 which stream digital content through TV with ease.

Yet, the simplicity of Chromecast could outdo both these services when it comes to streaming.

Chromecast is a small HDMI dongle that plugs directly into your TV and connects to your Wi-Fi network.

By connecting your handheld devices to Chromecast, you can use them as a remote through streaming sites such as Netflix and BBC iplayer.

We have our fingers crossed for services such as Spotify and Amazon Instant Video to become available, but at £30 – less than a third of an Apple TV – Chromecast is a digital streaming bargain.

It’s the perfect stocking filler for the Telly binger.

Winter is the absolute best time of year.

Okay, okay, let’s forget about the miserable weather and the inevitable onset of post-Christmas depression for a minute.

Whether you’re in Glasgow or Edinburgh, the festive period is packed with things to do, places to visit and enough shiny Christmas lights to melt a snowman, which is kind of sad when you think about it.

To make sure you don’t miss out, STEPHEN BUTCHARD has compiled a list of some of the best things to get up to in your city this winter.

Why not re-live your high school years by getting black-out drunk in the street surrounded by your closest friends this New Year?

Admittedly, that’s probably not how Edinburgh council pitch their annual street party, but at its core, the street party is all that and more.

The only festival to be included in Discovery Channel’s ‘Top 25 World Travel Experiences’, Hogmanay in the streets of Edinburgh is an

Hogmanay Street Party unmissable experience, with a slew of live DJ sets and bands filling the streets of Edinburgh to ring in the new year with style.

While the line-up is still to be announced for this year, past acts have included Mark Ronson, Chvrches, The Vaccines, Friendly Fires, Glasvegas, Django Django, and the Coral, so musically, the night

Mary’s Milk Bar What’s more festive than gorging on chocolate and passing into a sugar-induced coma?

Nothing, that’s right. And if there is something, we’re not sure we want to know.

That’s exactly what might happen if you visit Mary’s Milk Bar this Winter.

Whilst not hosting a winter event per se, Mary’s Milk Bar is absolutely the perfect place to go thirty-six

on a cold December afternoon, with an incredible range of chocolates, milkshakes, gelatos and other wintery treats being served throughout the period.

Mary’s is now famous for its mouth-watering range of sweet stuff, with new flavours being concocted every week. Our favourite is a dark chocolate and baked pear

ice cream, as well as Mary’s weekly special sundaes.

The cosy café is the perfect place to be as winter descends.

On top of this, Mary’s hand-made truffles could make for the perfect Christmas gift, thanks to their unusual, delicious fusion of flavours.

Or you could just grab a bag for yourself! http://www.marysmilkbar.com/

is in good hands. Party-lovers from all over the world have been flocking to Edinburgh’s street party for years thanks to the euphoric atmosphere the event manages to capture so well.

It’s an unmissable night, and one every resident of the city has to give a go. www.edinburghshogmanay.org

winter in the city

I’M not the best ice skater – picture a sad penguin with heels on and you’re almost there – but the atmosphere of skating in Edinburgh is undeniable.

This year, St Andrews Square will have its own rink, joining the impressive Winter Wonderland rink on Princes Street, meaning I can embarrass myself in two of the city’s prettiest locations!

The ice rink on East Princes Street Gardens Terrace has long been a mainstay in Edinburgh’s winter calendar, but that doesn’t make it any less wonderful to skate beneath the Big Wheel with

Summerhall The Stand Comedy club is dark, stuffy and intimate – everything you expect from such a place – but above all, it’s just a damn funny place to have a night out.

One of the main small venues during the Fringe, the Stand is regarded as one of the best venues in the city.

It boasts an impressive list of up-and-coming regu-

Edinburgh’s famous skyline as a backdrop (Yes, I did just say wonderful, and yes I have a girlfriend.

Fight me.)

The St Andrews Square location has a lot to live up to, but its twinkly, charming aesthetic lends itself well to the gooey feel of Christmas.

Edinburgh’s outdoor Ice rinks always manage to capture that fuzzy feeling of Christmas when they finally arrive, making them a must-see whether you’re on the rink, or just laughing at the idiots falling over from the railings.

The ice rinks will be running from Nov 1 – Jan 4.

Ice Skating

Formerly the Royal School for vetinary studies, Summerhall has been transformed into a hub of all things artsy, with exhibitions, gigs, dance classes and coffee hungry hipsters utilising the impressive space.

There’s also a swanky looking bar that brews its own gin. You’re already sold aren’t you?

Summerhall’s winter programme offers a diverse and exciting range of events happening throughout the period.

On December 5 and 6 the venue is hosting a beer festival, with their resident lars, with more recognisable names such as Frankie Boyle and Daniel Sloss popping in on occasion to tickle the funny bones of unsuspecting audience members.

The Stand’s Christmas shows look tempting, with the club’s usually high standard of acts delivering laughs throughout the month, with the added bo-

brewer Barney brewing on site throughout the weekend.

They will be joined by Williams Brothers and Fyne Ales as well as more to be announced.

It’s one of the more cultured ways of getting p****d we can think of this winter.

On December 14, Summerhall will also be hosting a Christmas market, featuring 45 stallholders selling a diverse range of gifts that could be perfect for friends with a quirkier style, or maybe as an early present for yourself.

Go on. You deserve it. www.summerhall.co.uk/2014

The Stand Comedy Club nus of a Christmas Dinner thrown into the ticket price.

The club will then be hosting Hootfest, a New Year show that promises to end the year with giggle fits, laughing snorts and those silly red-face silent laughs.

Be warned though – The

Stand’s specials tend to get packed, so arrive in plenty of time if you want a seat.

Just don’t sit at the front.

You WILL be picked on.

The Stand’s Christmas Special will run from December 15-20. Hootfest will run from Dec 27-31. www.thestand.co.uk thirty-seven

Glasgow Xmas Market and Ice Rink Glasgow’s Christmas Market is nothing new, but then again, nothing quite gets us into the Christmas spirit than gorging on baked goods and buying last minute handmade gifts for our parents.

The Market takes place in St Enoch Square from the 16th to the 23rd December, and will feature 50 adorable stalls.

Last year’s event showcased Hillhead Bookclub is one of the downright coolest bars in the city.

Sitting snugly off Byres Road in the West End, the Bookclub ups its quirky aesthetic to the max, with cutesy vintage décor, ping pong tables and punch bowls served inside of gramophones.

This Christmas, Bookclub is embracing its eccentricity fully, with a turkey-free Christmas dinner menu, complete with a rather relieved looking turkey on the front cover.

The three-course Christmas lunch

gifts ranging from scarfs, jewellery, cheese, chutney and churros. THINK OF THE CHURROS, PEOPLE. Glasgow on Ice will be returning to George Square from November 27 – December 31, giving the public the chance to watch me falling on my a**e multiple times and in various combinations.

But I’m willing to put up with the pain considering how unabashedly cheery the whole event makes the city feel.

Hillhead Bookclub is priced at £20, making it a tempting offer for those wanting to try something different and embrace their inner quirky icon over the festive period.

The Bookclub will be serving craft beer, mulled wine, gramophone cocktails and delicious strawberry gin mojitos, so you’re spoiled for choice if you’re looking for a totally hip way to fuel your alcoholism. www.hillheadbookclub.com

Oran Mor

The Arches MY mate Chester is a DJ. He’s a good looking DJ too.

I’m perplexed as to why he hasn’t gotten a girlfriend over all the time he’s been in Glasgow, or why he just doesn’t seem interested in girls, or guys for that matter.

When asked about his romantic situation, he drunkely explained: “Maaate, there’s just too much good dance music. Why bother with girls?”

There are indeed loads of

good clubs in Glasgow, but none quite as consistently brilliant as the Arches.

Particular highlights for this month include hotly-tipped house act Apollonia, Pressure’s Xmas Party featuring a three hour set from Sven Vath, and GBX New Year’s Eve party, which promises to end the year with a pretty spectacular rave. www.thearches.co.uk/clubs

Do you like Panto? Oh yes you d-…Look, just play along, okay? *sigh*… Oh yes you do!

Well, it doesn’t really matter; Oran Mor’s Christmas Panto isn’t that sort of panto anyway. It’s a cultured, adult panto of sorts.

The former cathedral is home to the now-famous ‘A Play, a Pie and a pint’, which gives audience members the chance to experience intimate performances of plays from some of the country’s best playrights, as well as newcomers to the trade.

This December, A Play, a Pie and a Pint will be performing The Emporer’s New Clothes, a wonderful festive retelling of the beloved fairytale, perhaps making it the best time for newbies to give the programme a shot.

It’s a really interesting alternative to the usual theatre trip, and the price isn’t too crummy either. (Ha.) The Emperor’s new clothes will be showing from December 1-20. www.oran-mor.co.uk

Nice ‘n Sleazy Nice and Sleazy is one of the best bars on Sauchiehall street’s bustling strip, with tones of great tunes, cheap drink promos and a wonderfully sleazy atmosphere making the venue a regular stop for students across the city.

Calling Sleazy’s basement intimate would be an understatement; it’s claustrophobic when busy,

but this raucous aesthetic fits the venue perfectly and makes for wonderfully sweaty and energetic gigging.

Sleazy’s are home to some of the city’s best gig bookers who focus on bringing their audience an eclectic array of talent, offering the stage to some of the boldest new acts around.

The venue’s free Christmas showcase ‘Merry Christmas Ya Sleazy Animals’ is no exception.

The night features performances from Mountains Under Oceans, Seraph Sin, and Megalomatic, three sonically diverse rising acts

that are all promising in their own right. We don’t blame you if you haven’t heard of them, but don’t worry, you’ll feel pretty cool if you pretend you do. It’s a free gig, so why miss out?

The gig takes place on the 19th. Get your grunge attire ready.

we predict a great night out Get £10 tix if you’re under26. Any seat. Any performance.

Inés de Castro

Theatre Royal Glasgow | Thu 22 Jan • Sat 24 Jan Festival Theatre Edinburgh | Thu 29 Jan • Sat 31 Jan

scottishopera.org.uk Registered in Scotland Number SCO37531 Scottish Charity Number SCO19787

interview l Cockroaches stars Esther Smith and Daniel Lawrence Taylor

I

T’S post-apocalyptic nuclear war and there are cannibals roaming the streets along with three-eyed bunnies and green-faced humans.

What you and your friends really crave is...diet coke?!

Luckily it doesn’t matter that Cockroaches star Esther Smith’s friends’ imagination doesn’t appear to have stretched as far as romcom writer Freddy Syborn’s but a soft drink craving, really?

Esther admits: “I asked a lot of people ‘what would you miss’ and Diet Coke came up!

“For me it would be not being able to have clean water or a hot shower. I don’t think I’d be able to survive, I’d be in a corner crying!

I can barely look after myself now. You think, ‘what effectively do we need?’ As long as you have people around you you’re okay.”

The hint of positivity from Esther isn’t a patch on her character Suze, an optimist who attacks every challenge with an open heart.

And that’s no mean feat as Suze, her family and boyfriend Tom had been stuck in a basement for ten years following a nuclear fallout.

During that time Esther became pregnant (I hope there was some loud music and a room divider) and have only just resurfaced to see what damage has been done above ground.

Esther said: “When I read the script I loved it. It’s a romantic comedy which is a nice thing to be involved in.

“It’s off the wall and dark and because it’s post-apocalyptic and something that’s not happened there’s so much freedom with what to do.

“There’s a lot of post-apocalyptic things out right now. It feels like it’s becoming fashionable looking into it and what you would do.

“We don’t see much before the war.

My character Suze was popular, had a lucky upbringing, enjoyed partying before but she now has a family to care for and becomes feral.

“She would kill people now because she has to survive. She does everything in slightly f*cked-up ways.

“You kind of forgive her for it. She has a lot of heart. The story is quite scary and it’s not romantic in the doey-eyed sense.

“It’s more what romance would be in a post-apocalyptic world. Tom and Suze might not have ended up together so it’s a particular type of love story.

“Cockroaches are famously what’s thought of as left from a nuclear war and we are like cockroaches. It was funny but someone I told thought

Meltdown would make me thirsty! we dressed like cockroaches!” The Skins and Cuckoo 2 actress originally studied ballet and contemporary dance but a nudge from a teacher led her to switch to the Guildford School of Acting and she now has a full plate of roles on offer.

Esther is mid-filming the second series of Uncle with her Cockroaches co-star Daniel and is about to work on a radio sitcom for BBC3 with Ardal O’Hanlon (Father Ted).

Although she has worked with a number of established actors Esther admits to still being start struck now and again.

She recalls, “I starred alongside Taylor Lautner in Cuckoo 2.That was insane. Taylor was sitting next

VAMPIRES are so yesterday – post-apocalyptic is all the rage these days. And that’s handy when it comes to spanking new ITV2 comedy Cockroaches, which stars Daniel Lawrence Taylor (Uncle, The IT Crowd) and Esther Smith (Cuckoo2, Skins and Uncle).

The show centres around a disparate group of nuclear holocaust survivors and features cannibals, poser-turned-psycho ex-boyfriend and chess-playing bather. Slice of thigh, anyone? to me chatting away and I was thinking, ‘Okay, this is Monday’.

“I quickly forgot he was in Twilight and had a huge following. We all got on so well. With Cockroaches I feel like I was on set with the funniest actors in the world.

“Jack (Whitehall) would throw in ad libs and improvise things. It was really difficult to keep a straight face. Tom Davis was so funny. I was blown away

by who I was going to be acting with.

I had to censor myself.

“I grew up watching men Behaving Badly and Jonathan Creek so I was excited to meet Caroline Quentin. I have no censorship so I had to tell her I was a fan and she thought it was nice to hear that someone was affected by her career.

“I think she was chuffed. She had no ego at all.”

DANIEL’S GONE NUCLEAR THE backdrop and reality of a nuclear fallout sent shivers down Daniel Lawrence Taylor’s body on his first day of filming.

Filmed in an old gunpowder factory in east London the derelict, half-destroyed building created the perfect air of destructive aftermath.

Daniel reveals: “When I read the script and auditions it didn’t affect me but I had a moment when we get to actually film on location and we are in the middle of nowhere.

“There are burnt-out cars and you see all this destruction around I thought, ‘Wow, if this actually happened this would be horrible’.

“It has people from all walks of life on the same

level, class and riches so anything that divided people has gone. There’s now no rules, no police, no holds barred.

“Don’t get me wrong though, it would be amazing running into shops to get things and never having to pay!

“With Cockroaches we’ve gone past the initial panic and what’s so funny is how people respond and they’re still bickering over the smallest things like ‘why do you keep talking about the weather?’ or ‘why do we have to have tuna every night?’

“In one scene there’s a massive dance-off and because there’s a holocaust there’s no music so they all use any

makeshift instruments they can find. One of the things is a lute and the other is a kids’ toy piano you blow into and they’re all clapping and rapping.

It’s funny.”

Daniel’s character Tom is the reason Suze’s family leave the basement.

He’s lazy but the incessant whining from Suze’s parents tip him over the edge. Daniel

says: “Tom’s wimpy and not practical at all and he only survives because of Suze. He seems to think he’s always right and tries to get his point across all the time. He tends to see the funny side of a nuclear holocaust. Suze is trying to be a good mum to Laura and Tom’s not as good.

He’s comedic value.”

interview

What was it like appearing on the David Letterman Show? It’s very mainstream – does that bother you or are you happy to reach any audience?

We have watched David Letterman so many times so it was pretty surreal to be on the show.

Doesn’t bother us at all that it’s mainstream, we just try to be ourselves and if more people connect then that’s great.

Q&A

You were also on the Jools Holland show which is known to be a place where singers like George Ezra, Jessie J and Jake Bugg appear when they are tipped to make it big and have an individual look – did you enjoy being part of that process that promotes the best musical talent?

Totally, its a great show and the setting makes it unique. I’ve watched a lot of artist I like play on Jools Holland and its good that it’s a really wide range of genres.

You have an electronica/synth sound on Klapp Klapp – is that your favourite style to use?

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Dragons on fire this electronica band’s not to be messed with. Vocalist Yukimi Nagano lists eighties bands The Clash and Depeche Mode as her influences and the Swedes’ entrancing music has soundtracked Revenge and The Vampire Diaries.

We have always had a love for synths and electronics. Our studio is full of them so I would say it’s probably the guys’ favourite instrument. I don’t think we have a single song without a synth.

Klapp Klapp started as a beat with just drums and the base synth line and it had a drive already in a primitive stage. It had a energy about it that inspired my melodies and lyric.

Did any bands in the early eighties influence you?

Absolutely – Devo, The Clash, Depeche Mode...

IS your clothes style part of the band look or your individual look and is there any specific designer?

We all kind of have our own individual style, but there are various designers we love – it’s pretty wide spread. maryme-jimmypaul, migh-t, art comes first, delfina delettrez, shallowww, pageant... to name a few.

What is Klapp Klapp about? And Pretty Girls?

Klapp Klapp is about being put under a spell, having no control....its a very personal sad song so I like giving the listeners space to interpret that one instead of giving away my gloomy story.

Pretty Girls is pretty straightforward.

It was inspired by a specific cali girl I knew who was bright, brilliant and beautiful but quite lost.

YOU worked with Nabil on the Klapp Klapp video. Did you have a clear vision in mind of what you wanted and what was the input from Nabil and your band on the video?

Did the zombies seem like a fit and who came up with them for the video?

That was Nabil’s vision. We gave him free hands to interpret.

How did you all meet? What were your individual musical influences and was there one direction you all wanted to go in. Do you all contribute to the music and lyrics?

Each of us had our own backgrounds and influences.

When I met the guys Erik was all about hip-hop that was almost the only thing he listened to.

Fred was listning to all kinds of stuff but a lot of spiritual jazz stuff. Hakan was the synth wizard.

We all influenced each other. I write melodies and lyrics.

How do you get on in your down time together? Do you hang out or go your separate ways?

Sometimes we hang out. But I think we appreciate also giving each other space. Being on the road can be pretty intense.

But if I’m away from the guys too long I defo start missing them. We are like family in a way.

Who is the joker in the band, the annoying one, the clean freak?

Nobody is clean! Erik is the joker and we are all pretty annoying in our own ways!

There’s never been a band like Klapp Klapp on The X Factor as you are so individual.

Are you glad and do you think music dies a little with any artists selling their soul to record companies like SyCo? We are all for diversity, in my ideal world there would just be more genuine music in the mainstream and more variety.

I don’t mind X Factor, (kind of barely watched it) but if that music is amazing to someone then that’s their feeling, and then it has meaning no matter what my opinion or anyone else’s is...

There’s a lot of commercial music that I like and a lot that doesn’t resonate.

Swedish women’s image has come a long way from the twentieth century. Are you glad you are around now to herald a new dawn of respect for women?

Who wouldn’t be? Would I like to go back to the times when women couldn’t vote and were not allowed into libraries ...uh no!

I’m excited about living in this day and age. Gender equality still has a long way to go, though.

IS there a theme or thread to all of your songs? Which songs have you been most proud of?

Each song has its own story.

I guess I’m proud of all of them in their own way, but if I had to choose I’d say Nabuma Rubberband, Pink Cloud and Klapp Klapp.

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interview You’re invited onto a new reality programme, ‘Meat This’ where you have to catch, cut up and serve dinner to friends who try and guess what it is.

Your choice is a cute bunny, a goose and a pheasant and it just so happens your kids favourite book is about those very animals. Your kids are watching the programme, what do you do/which one do you choose?

I can’t really imagine a book where a pheasant is playing centre stage. There are so many animals I’d go for in a book over pheasant.

Having said all of that, there is no way I would take part in this show. So I would just be absent and the game could be “guess which comic told the producers to f**k off.”

And then I’d try and get to know a pheasant to overcome my prejudices.

You’re stuck on an apparently deserted island but it transpires that a hermaphrodite mammal – the last of its species – a large, friendly beast with four legs and a wiry tale, is your only chance of a friend and of food. What do you do?

I’m not eating the animal, bottom line.

If that’s the only food source, once I’ve eaten it, I then face starvation alone.

So we might as well both hang out while we die. I’d also probably ask how he/ she had survived up to this point, because if there’s no other food source, this animal’s existence is blowing my mind.

You’re a vegan but forced to answer questions about eating meat, what do you say that won’t stop the interview but make the interviewer laugh so much she gives up on these questions?

If an interviewer is insistent on asking me questions about eating meat, despite me being a vegan, then it’s pretty clear that this publication is staffed by a group of morons that I’d rather have no involvement with.

I would stop the interview, and ask the interviewer if they really feel that they’re cut out for this. My

ultimate aim would be to make them question their life choices while in tears.

You’re in charge of a future borough of Westminster and it’s your first important piece of legislation to let the people know you mean business.

What is it?

I would put lanes on the pavement.

I’m getting fed up with people stopping in the middle of the street to think about what direction they’re going in or ponder whether to go into a shop or not.

I’d put in a “thinking” lane and these tw**s can indicate with their hands and move over to spend a couple of minutes mouth breathing instead of blocking everyone’s way like the insufferable tw**s they are.

IT’S the year 2020 and every company is penalised with a heavy punishment for tax evasion or avoidance. What punishment do you mete out?

I would buy as many copies of the Top Cat movie that I could for the amount of money that they evaded paying, and make them watch every copy in one sitting.

Watching that film just once has scarred me permanently.

YOU’VE had a book called ‘When Jockeys Ruled the World’ published.

It’s a best seller and wins an award.

What makes the book so good?

Horse racing is a horrible thing that I can’t get my head around.

So my book would be about jockeys realising that and then, in wondering what they are going to do with themselves, and they discover that actually they would be really good at running the government. So they do.

But they have to make all of the desks and chairs smaller first.

YOU find yourself lost in a jungle and end up in a hidden world where Amazonian-like women want to wait hand and foot over you and treat you like a god. Do you stay or go back home to work and all its pressures?

Being treated like a God has only got to be good for a day, right? Then

YOU’RE HAVING A LAUGH with ROMESH RANGANATHAN

you start questioning whether you are worthy of the praise, you start looking at yourself, and wishing you were the sort of person who these Amazonian women deserve.

Next thing you know, you’re on your own with an empty bottle of tequila and a gun.

Which is the same as at my house, but I haven’t been able to source the gun yet.

IF you could turn back time to the point where you hit puberty what would you tell the young and naive you?

Dude, you’ve got your whole life to masturbate – pace yourself.

What would your epitaph say?

HE was a grumpy dude that didn’t really appreciate what he had. It’s highly unlikely that anybody will ever read this as most people thought he was a tw*t.

You’re doing a Bushtucker Trial on I’m a Celebrity and you get to choose four of the contestants – who would you bring on?

I choose any four people who were involved in making that Top Cat Movie.

I would watch them do the BushTucker trial while explaining to me what the f**k they were thinking.

You’re caught with your trousers down in a public place but you’ve got a very good reason why. What is it?

I have a rash on my genitals that Googling hasn’t helped with, so I have gone to Trafalgar Square to get as many people’s opinions on it as possible. These questions are unacceptable by the way.

Your friends that you haven’t seen or spoken to in years turn up at your gig and reveal something about you to the audience that has the audience in stitches and gets more laughs than you did – what did they say?

I was with a girl and things went well and we went back to her place after curry and booze.

I was quite drunk, and she kicked me out in the middle of the night because she thought I’d sh*t myself. I couldn’t believe it. I had sh*t myself though. twenty-five

health and beauty Moisturise

Moisturise, moisturise, moisturise Moisture forms a protective layer on the skin keeping it hydrated.

Thicker moisturizers, such as over the counter brands Eucerin and CetaphilOils, work best.

Oils such as bay oil, tend to be better at trapping the water on your skin.

Humidify

Winter is no friend of ours. Heating in homes evaporate the water from the air, which makes it very dry.

Humidifiers come in useful by adding moisture to the air. Either humidify the whole room or get a portable humidifier.

Olive Oil and Egg Yolk

Mix it baby! Olive oil and egg yolk are the must haves for this season’s dry skin (see what I did there!).

It’s a popular natural antioxidant enriched with vitamins E and K that works wonders when a teaspoon of it is combined with two egg yolks and whipped together to obtain a stable consistency (once you’ve got this

sussed Bake Off’s next on the list!)

The egg yolks contain vitamin A that controls skin-shedding and makes it soft and smooth. For better results, add a few drops of lime juice and rose water.

Coconut Oil

Coconut oil makes the skin feel softer and removes any scaly feeling by moistening it in a natural way.

It has enough fatty acid that make up for any moisture loss and works best when left on for an entire night.

Apply a proper amount before going to sleep and wash it off in the morning; do this every night and you’ll turn into a radiant, kickass princess.

Lemon Juice and Vinegar

NOT only does lemon juice lighten your tache and disinfect your house without the use of dodgy chemicals but this useful little baby can also be used as an exfoliating scrub made by mixing lemon juice and sugar.

It leaves your skin soft and glowing.

With a circular massage of the skin with this beauty scrub, rough spots on the face become even.

Art, the herald angels sing

Vitamin C in the lemons lighten the skin tone, remove patches and encourages cell growth. Mix a teaspoon of sugar and mix it with juice of half a lemon, use cotton balls to scrub all over the face.

Put a jar of it on your nightstand and apply it regularly.

Avacado and Honey

A mask is prepared using mashed avocados and honey for problematic dry areas.

Just mix a half cup of honey with half a mashed avocado, leave the mixture on for 15 minutes (leave it I say, no chomping during your beauty regime!), then rinse off.

Almond Oil

AN excellent source of Vitamin E, almond oil is the best emollient and lubricator for scorched skin.

It’s non-greasy oil readily gets absorbed in the skin.

Even using it in small amounts on the face can help moisten, repair

Even though the festive period approaching, there are a few hanis fast d ins due before the winter break.

We are open 7 days a week, late 8pm on Thursdays and 1-5 on Sundnight ‘til ays for emergencies.

We have a wide variety of draw ing, illustration and modellin ing, paintg supplies.

We are always happy to give often spend a bit of time with advice and figuring out the right combinaour customers als needed to complete their projtion of materiect.

We can source unusual item have in store so please don’ t hesis that we don’ t tate to ask.

We have plenty special offers from sketch books to paint sets. on essentials Don’ t forget that if you have your student card to 15% off most full price item you get up s.

IF you are looking for some idea s we are bursting with art supplies for presents to please any level of creativity.

Interesting little stocking fillers, wide range of materials we can Gift sets, a help bine for a unique present and for you comfolks, the classic Gift Voucher. those tricky Keep an eye on our Facebook/Tw List for our winter deals and Festi itter/Mailing ve Fizzy Thursdays.

health and beauty

Dry spell’s over CRACKED lips that look as arid as the Sahara or a tight face that would have put Donatella Versace’s to shame are about as appealing as Grumio’s knickers.

So here’s some cheap and cheerful tips on how to improve your complexion and switch that glow from an innie to an outie.

Having dry skin means experiencing tightness due and restore the protective barrier to its original shape.

Gently massage almond oil onto your face for 3-5 minutes, then leave it on for 10 minutes before rinsing off with warm water.

A word of caution to those who are allergic to nuts – although almond oil is famous for its anti-inflammatory action it is not intended for people who are allergic to nuts.

Any application of almond oil would only aggravate the condition leaving the skin in an even worse state. You don’t want that.

to lack of moisture and a need for a proper lubricant to rehydrate it.

Have no fear my DIY girls, many home remedies can help improve your dry flaky facial skin and leave you with enough dosh to dazzle this party season…and it’s a perfect excuse to have a pamper night!

Castor Oil

Full of magical healing powers of ricinoleic acid and Vitamin E that guard your skin against the evil soap, warm water and winter goblins, this natural astringent removes all impurities from the skin as it is easily absorbed and nourished.

Simply dab some castor oil on extremely dry areas of your face, such as the corners of the nose, around the mouth, and around the hairline.

Petroleum Jelly and Glycerin

FOR years, people have used petroleum jelly and glycerine oil for…well… let’s not discuss that right now. But now we can pamper and smooth, pamper and smooooth.

Use equal amounts to make a mixture and then apply to your dry skin and, voila, results will inevitably (probably) follow.

You’re welcome.

Shake it baby, shake it...

Banana and Yoghurt I’M thinking milkshakes but apparently those banana and yogurt bad boys are nature’s gift to those who are exhausted looking after their skin by spending half of their income buying products that promise the world and deliver sweet Foxtrot Alpha.

The mixture not only moisturises the skin, but also exfoliates dead cells – what’s not to like?

Prepare a face pack using mashed bananas with yogurt until it’s paste consistency then apply to the dry bits.

Wait half an hour (pray the doorbell rings so you can frighten the Special Delivery man or Taylor Lauckner who just happened to be walking by) and then rinse off with warm water.

Curd

IT looks like goo and even the word’s unappealing but leave some milk and lemon juice in your fridge to set and you’re on to a winner.

It’s rich in antioxidants so ideal for dry skin. Natural and cost effective, what’s not to like about this facial mask with lactic acid that rids the skin of any germs or bacteria that may be harmful to it.

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