In summary most would describe me as a single mother. I spent most of my childhood in Kerikeri before moving to Auckland for tertiary education. I had what would be described as a common upbringing with a Mother and a Father and I was the eldest of 4 siblings. My parents separated when I was 16 years old and my Father was not apart of our lives after that. I was married in 2014, to someone who at the time I thought was my match. We were engaged very quickly and married not long after. I am a very honest person so lying to me is not something I expect or understand. I felt that this man was someone who would compliment me and keep striving for the empire I had always dreamt of. Three months to the night of our wedding night he assaulted me, punching me in the face giving me two black eyes and a fractured nose. He was a New Zealand title holder as a professional boxer. I convinced myself it wasn’t his fault, I didn’t understand why I felt this way, but I did. In 2015 we conceived our first child, 12 weeks into the pregnancy I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. I was told that termination of my pregnancy may be the best option. My fearlessness had already begun, I refused and was monitored throughout my pregnancy instead. I gave birth to my world, a happy healthy baby girl at the start of 2016. The relationship with my husband had its ups and downs and I tried to stay out of his way. My husband and I had our own rooms, again I convinced myself that it was normal and we were happy. Social media convinced others. I had surgery for my Thyroid Cancer and during this time my Mother helped with my daughter as my husband chose to socialise and drink instead. Not long after I stopped speaking to my Mother as a result of this, as we started to blame her for a lot of our issues. In 2017 my daughter had pneumonia which resulted in a week in hospital. This was the scariest time of my life to date, seeing her struggle broke me. My husband, my daughters father did not stay with us. Upon our arrival home he asked me where his dinner was? That was a Thursday; the following Sunday, I had a new house and we were separated. The text messages and phone calls started. I was told he never loved me, I wasn’t what he wanted and was called every other name you could imagine. With this, I decided distance was needed and requested and had a protection order granted. From 2014 to 2017, I had disowned my family, lost contact with friends, suffered postpartum
depression and post traumatic stress, I had been physically, verbally and emotionally abused, I had believed lies and convinced myself of an unrealistic reality. It wasn’t until I became Fearless that I was able to see clearly and start making the positive changes in my life, not only for myself but also for my daughter. I now live in a beautiful house and support my daughter with every part of my soul. I am a teacher, educating and supporting intermediate aged children to understand themselves and make the right choices. I hope that my daughter one day won’t just see me as a single mother as others might, but see me as a strong, smart and fearless independent women. What does being Fearless mean to me? Being fearless is something that can be extremely easy or extremely difficult. However, the struggle still has a result. During my relationship I feared being a single mother or a divorcee, I feared being laughed at, judged or never finding happiness in a relationship again. It wasn’t until I became all those things, I realised any one of those were better than being fearful, not only of what others may think but also being in a toxic and abusive relationship. Being Fearless doesn’t mean you are aggressive or outspoken it just means you no longer fear YOUR fears. Believe in your story, in your truth and support yourself, no matter who may be telling a different story. I chose to do this photoshoot because I had been told that if I ever got fat he would leave me, I was told that I wasn’t good enough. However, now that I am fearless, I can stand with all the rolls I’ve gained and never had before and still feel more beautiful and more happy than I ever have. I hope that this campaign inspires others, thank you.
Renee Rose
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