Gateway Women’s Magazine | studiogmag.com
Fall 2010
THINK BEFORE YOU TWEET The Pitfalls of Social Media
Francine Rivers
The Stories Behind Her Bestselling Novels Position is EVERYTHING!
I knew she loved me, but did she like me?
solutions for the soul
pink represents more than a color or a cause ‌
it’s a movement!
we are passionate about knowing God. we are positioned to love extravagantly. we are purposeful about our destiny. we are powerful in our influence. we are poised for this moment.
we are pink.
pink.gatewaypeople.com
2 Studio G
CONTENTS
Fall ’10
IN EVERY ISSUE 6 CONTRIBUTORS 7 FYI Friendship Builders 20 SPICE Elegant and Easy Chicken & Rice 34 PULSE Recommended Reading
15 FEATURES 8 Sexy Lovemaking Positions Lovemaking doesn’t have to end with the honeymoon. by Rebecca Gates
10 (Un)Social Media? Social media has completely changed how we view and conduct our relationships. by Hannah Newlin
13 Read My Red Lips Growing old with grace (and a little red lipstick). by LaWanda Bailey
21 Knowing Mom I knew she loved me, but did she like me? by Judy Brisky
24 Relationships in Crisis Reach out for help … here’s how. by Jan Greenwood
25 Winning His Heart Putting the intimacy back into your relationship with the Lord. by Chelsea Seaton
SPOTLIGHT 15 Francine Rivers: A Writer’s Quest One woman’s journey to learn and communicate God’s perspective. by Sarah Wronko
26 It’s Not Just for the Birds Learn how to lead by watching the birds. by Stephanie Kelsey
27 Navigating the Friendship River Helping you set healthy friendship boundaries. by Katy Davis
29 Giving Life to Relationships “We need to be around others and engage in relationships that feed our soul.” by Cassie Reid
30 Out of the Box “Although God doesn’t change, the way we do things is always changing.” by Kathy Jimerson
32 Fish in the Sea Not all fish are created equal. What kind of fish are you? by Debbie Morris
Fall 2010 3
check out
studiogmag.com
Gateway Women’s Magazine
Fall 2010 Editor-in-Chief
DEBBIE MORRIS Managing Editor
DEBORAH MASH Editorial Director
STACY BURNETT Senior Editor
S. GEORGE THOMAS Editor
ALLISON ROBERTS Associate Editor
JOYCE FREEMAN Content Manager
JAN GREENWOOD Senior Creative Director
PAUL SIRMON Art Director
KATRINA SIRMON Designer
MELISSA RUNYON Find new and exclusive articles, fun and exciting videos and, best of all, easier ways for you to stay up-to-date on the latest Studio G news. What’s more, you can check out all of our past issues of Studio G.
It’s a whole new way to enjoy Studio G … visit studiogmag.com today!
4 Studio G
Photographer
ROLAND TURNER
a note from the editor
Hello Friends!
I still remember the butterflies in my stomach. Music filled the sanctuary while the minister stood at the front. I wanted what was being offered but wasn’t sure if I was ready. I questioned if he knew what he was getting. I remember the sense that everyone was staring at me. I supposed they were guessing, “Will she or won’t she?” In what seemed like an eternity, I finally made my way to the front of the building. The minister greeted me, and before long it was done. I became new … a new creation. I entered into a beautiful, new relationship. I received a husband, a friend, a counselor, a pilot, a lover and a God. My relationship has been growing and shaping me for all these years. Years later, I made my way down the same aisle to begin a new relationship with my husband. I had similar butterflies tickling my stomach. Within a few minutes, we launched into a lifetime commitment to love and honor each other.
Why Studio G? The title, Studio G, was inspired by Psalm 144:12 which is a prayer asking God “that our daughters may be as pillars, sculptured in palace style.” The name reminds us that we, as Christian women, are in God’s studio as
Isn’t it funny how new relationships can unnerve us at first, but when given a chance turn out to be amazingly rewarding? My friend, Laurinda, has always been able to see past my words into my soul to ask questions that I don’t want to entertain but should. My friend, Judy, always makes me laugh. My friend, Lynda, always makes me feel good. The list could go on for a while, but the point is relationships matter. In this issue, we’re exploring relationships. Friend to friend. Husband and wife. God to us. Mother and daughter. The one thing I have learned is that relationships require effort. As you read this issue, I hope you’ll be inspired to improve your relationships and that you’ll reflect on your good relationships with a grateful sense of God’s good favor.
is committed to reminding us of
Thank you, my friends, for shaping my life. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your love. Thank you for being you and allowing God to make you the best you, you can be.
the ways of the Master Sculptor
I love you, my friends.
unfinished works of art. Studio G
as He continues to fashion us into “women of palace style.” In His studio, we discover who we are created to be and we come to
Blessings,
realize our true worth.
Fall 2010 5
contributors
Stephanie Kelsey
Stephanie has been married to Allan for 17 years, and they have
two daughters. She loves deep relationships, sharing from her heart and being a friend who’s there when times are tough.
Katy Davis
Katy is a tiny fireball who loves to rally people to action with her bubbly personality. She works at Gateway keeping the Pink Groups running smoothly, always wearing a pair of stilettos.
Chelsea Seaton
Chelsea desires two things
in life—to make people laugh till their cheeks hurt and to see women live out their callings in every season. She lives in Keller with two awesome roommates.
Judy Brisky
Judy enjoys writing,
speaking, serving on the worship team and helping to oversee Gateway Home Educators. She loves going on dates with her husband, watching her boys play tennis, reading and eating Mexican food!
6 Studio G
Kathy Jimerson
Kathy loves to tell stories that inspire, encourage and motivate people to find their purpose and live it!
LaWanda Bailey
LaWanda is a retired teacher, language arts coordinator and
the author of Miss Myrtle Frag, the Grammar Nag. She and her husband, Richard, live in Euless, and always keep the door open for their four amazing grandchildren.
Sarah Wronko
A stay-at-home mother of two girls (with a son on the way), Sarah is passionate about spending time with her family and connecting with God through writing and music.
Cassie Reid
Cassie is passionate about
helping people find their freedom and destiny. She has a private therapy practice in Southlake where she gets to live out this passion every day.
Rebecca Gates
Rebecca is a wife who is
rediscovering herself after years of being defined only Hannah Newlin as the mother of three boys. Hannah loves people, writing, speaking, serving with the Red Besides being a fast food chef, Light Rescue Project and leading a Gateway Group. You can usually deodorizer and diaper changer, she also has a love for writing. find her outdoors or chatting with a friend over chips and salsa.
studio fyi
Friendship
BUILDERS
by ARNITA TAYLOR
Friendships are so important to living a full and abundant life. While they require work and effort to create and grow, they are certainly worth the time you invest in them. Here are four easy friendship builders to help you become a better friend.
Relax
Sometimes it’s helpful to just “take a chill pill.” People feel more comfortable around you if you’re comfortable around them. Chances are if you’re nervous and uptight, others will sense it and may even withdraw from you. When you relax, your energy, enthusiasm and optimism come through, and people are attracted to that! Relaxing makes it easier to smile and convey an optimistic attitude. Being relaxed has an almost magnetic effect.
Be Authentic
Be real and genuine. Simply put … be you. Relate to others with integrity so your actions align with your values. Authenticity is honesty with yourself and others. So by all means, take off the masks! Authenticity is both honoring and promotes emotional safety. It creates trust, increases respect and helps you establish relational boundaries. Can you think of people in your life who you deeply respect simply because they’re real?
Be A Good Listener
Embrace the art of focused listening. Focused listening provides an emotional connection needed for relationships. It involves being able to hear beyond the words that a person is saying and focusing on them with eye contact without interrupting or getting distracted. It focuses on what another person is saying as well as what they are not saying. You need to engage both your head and your heart for this level of listening. Being a good listener also helps you choose your words wisely. Words are powerful … they can either build trust or destroy it.
Empathize
Allow yourself to see from someone else’s perspective. It doesn’t depend on your values, opinions or beliefs. It is a tremendous blessing to have someone in your life with this quality, and it’s vital to nurture the ability to empathize in your own life. It greatly reduces judgment and is a huge trust builder.
ARNITA TAYLOR—floral designer, chemist and small business owner—who would have known this unique package would be such an amazing minister to women? Arnita is known for her personal flair, outspoken nature and powerful capacity to raise up women as leaders.
SeXY LoVeMaKiNG PoSitioNS by REBECCA GATES
POSITION IS EVERYTHING! Sports players know it. Corporate executives live by it. And politicians expect to win or lose a race based on their positions. But many Christian women have yet to learn this (and I am not talking about the missionary position).
8 Studio G
This goes much deeper and is much more intimate than many of us are willing to go. The truth is, your willingness to be open to this kind of trust with your husband sets your level of fulfillment in your marriage. I’m talking about the key to making your man feel like a man the way only a woman of God can do! I’m talking about honor. (Isn’t that what you were thinking?) If you want to arouse your husband’s desire for you and see him filled with the kind of passion that propels him to be the Superman you’ve always dreamed of, then honor is the key. Your husband needs to know that you respect him, accept him, admire him and appreciate him.
Will I position myself as my husband’s cheerleader or his opponent? I like to watch my three boys skateboard and bike with their dad. They all do tricks, including my husband, trying to impress me. “Watch this, Mom!” “Look at me, Mom!” “Honey, did you see how high I ollied my board?” And I’ve learned that even when my husband isn’t on his long board, he still wants to hear me tell him how cool I think he is in business, in ministry and as the fearless leader in our home. I tell him I’m proud of him. When he’s doing a good job, I let him know. I even tell him I know he’s going to do a good job before he’s decided what he’s going to do. Why? Because I want my voice to be the one in his head spurring him on to greatness. And when he succeeds, he’ll want to share his victory with me first. It stirs up his passion for me and gives me a greater voice to speak into his life, because he actually wants to hear what I have to say.
little longer, ‘cause this isn’t over yet. God has given a beautiful, free, super-fun, calorie-burning, emotionally-bonding gift for those of us who are married to use whenever we agree to use it. It’s not just God’s gift to men; it’s for us to enjoy as well. It’s another way that you can demonstrate honor to your husband while having an amazing out-of-body experience for yourself. There is no shame in expressing your appreciation for God’s gift of sex within marriage. So get some rest, take an ibuprofen for your headache, and find a new position on sex. Sexy lovemaking doesn’t have to end when the honeymoon period is over. It happens whenever love is in the making. It is being cultivated as you grow together and believe the best about each other. It takes effort and a lot of practice. But that’s the fun part, so enjoy your position with your husband.
In Proverbs 14:1, Solomon says, “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” How many times have you torn down your house with your own hands or your own mouth?! If the power of life and death are in my words, then I choose to speak life over my man. It all comes back to position. Will I position myself as my husband’s cheerleader, or will I position myself as his opponent? I realize that no one is perfect, including husbands. And unfortunately, when your spouse makes a bad decision, you usually have to suffer right along with him. But you also grow along with him. If you position yourself beside him in spite of his mistakes, your life will demonstrate tremendous honor for him and that is sexy! Besides, godly women don’t have to place their hope in their husband’s abilities. Yes, love your husband and honor him, but your hope is in God’s ability to be God. God is your provider and your faithful shield. So even if you don’t exactly feel like you can trust your husband yet, you can trust God. So slip into your Nikes and “just do it.” Before you breathe a sigh of relief because you think I’m not really going to “go there,” hold your breath a
Fall 2010 9
(Un)Social Media? The Impact of Social Media on Your Relationships by HANNAH NEWLIN
10 Studio G
I
remember the first time I heard about email. I definitely didn’t buy it. My friend, Courtney, broke the news and she was not to be trusted. She proudly proclaimed that she and her attached-at-the-hip best friend, Christina, were apparently “sending letters” through her computer. Being the open-minded, early adopter that I’ve always been, I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, right. That’s impossible.” I didn’t believe her that day … I believe her now. We’ve come a long way from the early days of learning how to search on “Ask Jeeves” and “Yahoo!”. We are now sitting a decade into the 21st century with a newly-coined vocabulary: google it, tweet me, dm me, Skype me, Facebook me, tag me … and the list goes on. Some of us hear those words and shudder at the daunting nature of the tech-savvy world we live in today. The rest of us hear the words “tweet me” and a warm tingle runs through our thumbs and forefingers as we imagine sliding the sweet little virtual unlock slider on our iPhones, opening the handy Twitter app and gushing our 140-character opinions out to the Twitterverse (yes, that’s also a new word). Social media has completely changed things, including how we view and conduct our relationships … in some ways for worse and other ways for better. Because of that, it’s important to understand how to best use it to expand our influence and connect with those we love.
What If God Used Social Media? A relevant tweet can send a downcast follower a glimmer of hope. A YouTube video at the right time can brighten someone’s day. A message in any form can bring those who love each other closer together when they are far apart. Through a simple blog post, the message in your heart can be given flight. Recently, I posted a status update on my Facebook page mentioning a life-change I had just experienced. It was a simple update, and I didn’t think much of it. However, that single status update prompted an acquaintance from high school whom I haven’t seen in 12 years to message me and seek my counsel. That friendship has now grown and is much deeper than it ever was in high school. Believe it or not—God can use (and is using) Facebook to change people’s lives.
http://www.scrippsnews.com/content/study-social-media-maydiminish-face-face-relationships 1
Instant Communication Comes with Warnings Your Personal Filter A blog and a social media profile can reach tens, hundreds and even thousands of friends, acquaintances, family members and strangers. In the past, your message may have made it to the doorway of your neighbor’s home or the lunchroom at your office; now, you have the opportunity to spread it to a broad and unending audience. Even the best of us have rough moments, and the opportunity to spout out a quick opinion or snap judgment at any moment is all too easy. Retractions can be made, but words on the World Wide Web are timeless. Take into account how you are representing yourself to peers, colleagues, potential employers and strangers through social media.
Three Considerations to Make When Posting 1. You have a message in you. You have hope to proclaim. By engaging in social media, remember that the way you present yourself—whether pleasant, encouraging or moody—is how people will perceive you. And for the vast majority of people, perception is reality. 2. Think before you tweet. Just because you can say it in 140 characters or less, doesn’t mean you should. 3. Your boss, your spouse and your children are probably watching.
Intimacy In Relationships “Social networking encourages people to have a greater number of much shallower friendships,” says Gervase Markham, a Mozilla Foundation programmer. “I know what 15 of my friends had for breakfast, but I don’t know whether any of them is struggling with major life issues. If this trend continues, people in 2020 will have hundreds of acquaintances, but very few friends.”1 Deep relationships should never be jeopardized for the sake of hundreds or thousands of shallow ones. Conducting a relationship inventory of where your deep relationships are is a highly worthwhile practice. And don’t discount the value of moving your thriving virtual relationships into real life on occasion.
“I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.” – Drew Barrymore, He’s Just Not That Into You
Summing It Up I am a big believer in social media. I am also a believer in deep, meaningful relationships and cringe at the idea of real people being cheapened to a mere status update on Facebook. As we make adaptations to new technologies and utilize these elements that have made life easier and our communication more effective, remember that virtual tools are never a worthy substitute for real life connections. On the other hand, while social media should never be a replacement for actual face-toface interaction with people, it can be used as a tool to help build authentic community … to reach those we may not have otherwise connected with in real life. And when we use these new technologies and social platforms in healthy, Godhonoring ways, our reach and influence can be expanded as never before possible.
CONNECT WITH PINK Think Pink
DeliciousPastor Debbie's Blog Flickr
debbiemorris.gatewaypeople.com
FACING THE FACTS
facebook.com/gatewaypink
• Towards the end of 2009, the average number of tweets per day was over 27.3 million and 1.3 million per hour.
Facebook Delicious
• Custom Facebook fan pages have generated more than 5.3 billion fans so far. • There are more than 3.5 billion pieces of Delicious Flickr
content (web links, news stories, blog posts, etc.) shared each week on Facebook.
Delicious
Pink Podcasts & More
Flickr
increased by more than 100%. Currently, there are around 2.5 billion uploads to theMySpace Facebook site each month.
Statistics provided by http://econsultancy.com/blog/ Delicious 5324-20+-mind-blowing-social-media-statistics-revisited.
Facebook 12 Studio G
MySpace
Digg
pinkinc.gatewaypeople.com
Retweet
Studio G
• More than 35 million Facebook users update their status each day. This is 5 million more than towards the end of July 2009. • Photo uploads to FacebookFlickr have Delicious
Retweet
Pink Inc StumbleUpon
MySpace
• Twitter now has 75 million user accounts, but only around 15 million are active users on a regular basis.
twitter.com/gatewaypink
Facebookpink.gatewaypeople.com MySpace
• Facebook claims that 50% of active users log into the site each day. This would mean at least 175 million users every 24 hours.
MySpace Flickr
studiogmag.com
Retweet StumbleUpon
Flickr
StumbleUpon
Digg
Digg
passionate, positioned, purposeful, powerful, poised
by LAWANDA BAILEY
Yes,Virginia, there is a Wear-and-Tear
Fairy … and she stops by during the night on our birthdays to leave little gifts. I first discovered her in my early 30s when a subtle crease appeared on my neck. It gradually became more pronounced, and every few years thereafter, a new line joined the circle of friends. Those neck wrinkles mark my age like rings on a tree. Sometimes the fairy is less subtle. The morning of my 50th birthday, I awoke and reached to pull the covers up. When my hand brushed across my chest, I was shocked to discover that my uppermost parts had shifted toward my middlemost parts overnight. The Wear-andTear Fairy had struck again! Now that I’m in my 60s, I’m going to battle for what I have left. The night before my last birthday, I slept with a garlic bag around my neck to repel the old hag. It didn’t work. The next morning, I stared into the mirror at a maze of feathery, horizontal lip lines.
Fall 2010 13
Enough! I thought. I dressed in dark jeans and a suede jacket. After crunching and spraying my hair into soft curls, I went to a beauty supply store and approached the young woman behind the counter. The lights reflected off her tight skin. I rested my elbow on the counter and touched my forefinger to my chin, leaving the other fingers to dangle and camouflage my sagging jaw line. “Today’s my birthday, and I want some bright red lipstick.”
double-take. I asked a middle-aged woman next to me where I could find lipstick, giving her the perfect opening to comment on my lips. Instead, she said, “I think it’s two aisles over, ma’am.”
There. I’d said it. For years, I had strictly adhered to the “less is more” makeup tips for mature women, but no more! I tested Four-Alarm Fire, Stop Light and Candy Cane Insane before settling on Big Bad Red.
That evening, my husband said, “You look really pretty today. Think it was the garlic bag?” He smiled. I knew he didn’t realize the real change. That made two compliments after my little lipstick caper. Not too bad.
Inside my car, I applied a thick, shiny coat of Big Bad Red. Wow. Maybe this is too much, I thought as I stared into the visor mirror. But it cost $12, and there was no turning back. I scrunched my hair again and set out for … ? I hadn’t planned past the purchase. Target was just a few doors down. Were they ready for Big Bad Red? I walked in, ordered a Starbucks near the entrance and waited for a reaction from the barista. “What’s your name?” she asked so she could write it on my cup. “Scarlett,” I answered, and it felt good. But she didn’t stare at my lips. Maybe I should have gone with Candy Cane Insane.
I intend to continue to do battle with the Wear-and-Tear Fairy from here on out, but I do so realizing that I have been blessed with decades of a fulfilling life. I’ve traded in some of my physical attributes for the intangible benefits of wisdom and learning more about myself. I’ve watched my children and grandchildren grow, and I’ve wrapped myself in a lifetime’s worth of friendships and family relationships. And I have the rewarding vantage point of watching God weave His will throughout our lives, lacing together a person here, a job there until it all comes together in breathtaking ways.
My lips, my espresso and I walked through the store. I sought out the busiest aisles and touched merchandise. No one did a
Yes, I am thankful and blessed, but I’m still very aware of the effects of the Wear-and-Tear Fairy. Join me and let’s battle her together!
Ma’am? I thought. You’re no spring chicken yourself, lady! The only impression my lips made was on my coffee cup. Then, out of one chance in a thousand, I ran into a former student. “Hi! Aren’t you Mrs. Bailey?” she asked. “It’s been a long time, and you haven’t aged at all. You look fantastic!” Well, now. Maybe Ms. Scarlett still has a corner on beauty. We hugged, and I left a red smudge on her cheek.
Exercise • Join a Bible Study Group • Volunteer • Learn How to Do Something New • Pray
And by all means, buy a tube of Big Bad Red lipstick!
The First Friday of Each Month re.gatewaypeople.com
14 Studio G
Join us for a time of faith, fellowship, fun and friendship. This is a great opportunity to establish deep friendships, grow through solid biblical teaching, engage in worship and experience the freedom that comes when friends open up their hearts to one another with transparency and honesty. Children’s ministry is available.
studio spotlight
Francine Rivers A WRITER’S QUEST by SARAH WRONKO
Fall 2010 15
Francine Rivers is no stranger to success. She is a New York Times bestselling author who has written twenty novels and received numerous awards including the Critic’s Choice Award, Romance Writers of America’s RITA Award, Gold Medallion Award and Christian Retailing’s “Retailers’ Choice” Award for women’s fiction. She has also been inducted into the Romance Writers of America’s Hall of Fame. She has more than six million books in print including her beloved book Redeeming Love—based on the lives of Hosea and Gomer—which continues to change the lives of many who read it. However, for Francine, writing isn’t at all about fame or the number of books she sells; it’s her way of drawing closer to Jesus. More than anything, Francine desires that her work would glorify God. She says, “I desire that my writing might worship and praise Jesus for all He has done and is doing in my life. All of my books come from current life questions and struggles that I’m dealing with at the time. My books are my quest to find out what God has to say to me about the questions I’m asking.” Before Francine came to know the Lord, she was an extremely successful author in the general market. However, after becoming a Christian, she experienced an author’s worst nightmare—writer’s block. “I couldn’t write anything. I had writer’s block for more than three years. I thought I might not ever write again; but during this time, I really began to seek God through the Scriptures and find out who He is and what He is to me. I began doing a Bible study in my home on the lives 16 Studio G
of Hosea and Gomer. Suddenly I knew that this was the story God wanted me to write. Redeeming Love was the first book I wrote as a new believer and it’s, by far, the one I enjoyed writing the most. I sensed God’s loving presence in such a strong way during the entire year I was working on it.” Although many of Francine’s friends were not believers, they were curious about the obvious change that had taken place in her life. But Francine struggled with how to answer her friends’ questions about her faith because they didn’t want to hear about the Bible or have anything to do with Jesus. She explains, “It was a real struggle for me because I felt that because of my faith I was losing friends who truly mattered to me, and yet, I felt like I just had to live the way I believed.” In response to her struggle to know how to share her faith with individuals who wanted nothing
to do with Jesus or the Bible, Francine once again went on a quest for answers. That quest resulted in the first book of the Mark of the Lion trilogy—A Voice in the Wind—a historical novel about a slave girl named Hadassah during the Roman Empire. Hadassah lives out her faith not so much by what she says but, rather, who she is. Her life ultimately leads the people around her to find out why she is so different. Throughout the second and third books of the Mark of the Lion trilogy, Francine delves into questions and answers about the difference between anger and righteous anger and the power of unconditional forgiveness. The common thread that weaves its way through all three books is how one person living for Christ can dramatically impact all those around her. All of Francine’s books originate out of her quest to learn and communicate God’s perspective, but perhaps none is more personal or autobiographical than The Atonement Child. In explaining the story behind this book, Francine says, “I grew up attending church and youth group, but I only had a head knowledge about God and not a personal walk with Him. When I went off to college, I left what little faith I had behind. I became very involved in my sorority, and I became pregnant during this time. Tragically, I chose to have an abortion, which had a devastating long-term effect on my life. After I married my husband, Rick, I had several miscarriages and suffered so much from my pain and guilt over having had an abortion. I felt like the miscarriages were my fault—like they were God’s judgment on me. When I told Rick, he told me I was wrong, because God wouldn’t punish him for something I had done … those were his babies too. Through my pain, I started asking questions. I wanted to know what God was saying to me. I wanted and desperately needed to find healing. I had repented for what I had done in the past, but I still carried a tremendous amount of guilt and shame. This led me to write The Atonement Child.” Although this was the one story she never wanted to write,
INDIVIDUAL TITLES Her Mother’s Hope historical fiction
Francine knew this was the story God wanted her to write. Each character in the book is somehow affected by the sin of abortion, and during the processes of writing The Atonement Child, God walked Francine through her own pain and loss and helped her to find the strength to forgive herself. Francine shares, “Prior to writing this book, I had never gone public about my abortion. But after writing it, Rick told me I needed to go public to share my story about the devastation that abortion causes and the power of God’s redemption in our lives.” Francine’s stories don’t only arise out of her questions; they also come from her relationships. Knowing that one of the most important relationships in the life of any woman is the one between a mother and a daughter, Francine sought to deal with the universal questions that surround all mother-daughter relationships in her latest book, Her Mother’s Hope. She wanted to take a look at how our past relationships and experiences affect the way that we relate to and raise our children, and more specifically, our daughters. She explains, “This book is very personal to me in that it was really my search to find answers as to why my mother and grandmother were estranged towards the end of their lives. They’ve both passed on now, but I still wanted
A Lineage of Grace
The Atonement Child
novellas about women whose names are recorded in the lineage of Jesus ••Unveiled (Tamar) ••Unashamed (Rahab) ••Unshaken (Ruth) ••Unspoken (Bathsheba) ••Unafraid (Mary)
contemporary fiction
The Last Sin Eater historical fiction
The Scarlet Thread contemporary fiction with historical interplay
And the Shofar Blew contemporary fiction
Mark of the Lion
Leota’s Garden
historical/first-century novels ••A Voice in the Wind ••Echo in the Darkness ••As Sure as the Dawn
contemporary fiction
The Shoebox contemporary Christmas story and a children’s edition
The Sons of Encouragement novellas about men in the Bible who served in the shadows of other men ••The Priest (Aaron) ••The Warrior (Caleb) ••The Prince ( Jonathan) ••The Prophet (Amos) ••The Scribe (Silas)
Bible Stories for Growing Kids with Shannon Rivers Coibion
Redeeming Love historical novel
Amor Redentor Spanish edition of Redeeming Love
Fall 2010 17
to know why their relationship was so strained. Before my grandmother passed away, I asked her to write down her story. She agreed and carefully wrote out 14 pages telling her story. After my mom passed away, I began to go through the journals she had left us. I felt there had to be a reason why they were estranged, and I wanted to explore the possibilities. I like happy endings, and I especially wanted one for this particular story.” When asked how writing Her Mother’s Hope has affected her relationship with her own daughter and granddaughters, Francine said, “I tell them I love them a lot more, and I spend a lot more time with them. I don’t take any moment or opportunity for granted. I feel that it’s vital for mothers to share their back stories with their children and grandchildren, thus allowing for grown children to better understand why they were raised the way they were. And it’s equally important to tell your kids you’re sorry when you make a mistake. I have three grown children, and after they moved out, I went back to them and apologized for the areas where I knew I had fallen short in
Q& A What does an average day in the life of Francine Rivers look like? Every morning, my husband, Rick (who gets up much earlier than me), wakes me up around 6:30 am with a fresh cup of black Yuban coffee. I usually throw on my favorite pair of Levi’s or sweats, and we have our devotional time together. Afterwards, I delve into whatever Bible study I am currently reading, and then I start writing. I feel like it’s so important to always be in the Word. This is where a lot of my inspiration and ideas come from. 18 Studio G
raising them. Thankfully, they were very gracious and let me off the hook. Open communication with our children is very important—letting them know who we are and not being afraid to apologize for the shortcomings that we have.” No matter how many quests Francine has taken through her books, nothing is more important to her than being a wife, mother and grandmother. She says, “More than anything, I want to be remembered as a woman of faith and a woman who loved the Lord with her whole heart. I desire that I would have a legacy of my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren following the Lord and choosing to follow Him early in life. I made many mistakes in my early years, and it’s my deepest hope and desire that they wouldn’t make the same mistakes I did and, instead, avoid a lot of the hurts that come with finding the Lord later in life.” Francine Rivers’ life is a love song to the Lord, and through the work of her hand she worships at His footstool. She is a true woman of faith whose life has been redeemed by love.
Did you always know you wanted to be a writer? I always knew I wanted to be a writer, but I didn’t know what I wanted to write. To make matters worse, I hated to read. When I got married, my mother-in-law gave me a romance book. I thought, “Wow, I like this! This is what I want to write.” At one point, I was reading a book and told Rick, “I can do better than this.” And he responded, “Then, why don’t you?” So I started writing in the evenings. One day, Rick asked me why I had stopped writing, and I told him I was done. He laughed at me when I told him it was on the top shelf in the closet. He said, “No one’s just going to show up knocking at the front door asking, ‘Hey, can I see that manuscript that’s in your closet?’” I was nervous, but we sent it off and it sold!
Do you have any nicknames? My son calls me “Bwana” from the John Wayne movie Hatari, because he says I’m bossy.
How many hours do you write a week? Well, when I first started writing, I was really a workaholic. But after I came to know the Lord, I felt like I needed to have some balance. I write five days a week, and my goal for each day is four pages. Sometimes, I will write four pages one day, rework those pages the next day and then write four new ones the following day.
What was it like trying to write while you had young children? Rick and I have three kids, and there are only 39 months between the oldest and youngest. I always worked with a typewriter on my husband’s old metal military desk, and I can remember writing with one baby sleeping in the crib next to the desk while another was asleep in one of the bottom desk drawers. Other times, I would write while Sesame Street was playing in the background. I never really had my own office until my kids moved out. And even then, my daughter, whose husband is in the military, moved back in with us with her children when he was called up and so my new office was taken over. During that time, I would work at Rick’s office with my laptop. Now I finally have an office at the house that I share with Rick.
How does your husband encourage you with your writing? He always tells me, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” And whenever I feel overwhelmed about writing a whole book, he tells me to look at it like “a mouse eating an elephant” … that analogy really helps me.
Who are some of your favorite authors? I really enjoy Sandra Dallas, Liz Curtis Higgs, Robin Lee Hatcher, Angela Hunt, Nicole Baart and many others. There are really a lot of great books to read right now. It’s a great time for Christian writers.
What is your favorite book? My favorite book is always whichever one I’m reading at the time. However, when I do read, I tend to read very analytically. Now that I’ve just finished writing my new saga, I intend to take about six months to just read for fun and really enjoy it.
Do you have a favorite movie?
Do you ever get writer’s block?
My favorite movies are Jesus of Nazareth, Ben-Hur and I also really enjoy watching The Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Yes, and the way I usually deal with it is by watching movies. I really enjoy watching a good movie with a great story.
If you could have a T-shirt made, what would it say?
What advice would you give to aspiring authors?
It would say, “Are you in the Word?” and “Get a Life!”
Write what you need to read, write from your heart, and write truth. Sometimes it hurts to peel away the layers of selfdeception and see ourselves in the mirror, but it also draws us closer to Jesus. And your work may minister to others struggling with the same issues. Read the Bible every day so that it will flow naturally into the story. Study the Bible from beginning to end. It is the most exciting reading in the world. It’s alive and will help you recognize when you’re entering into sin and need to realign yourself with the Lord. Always keep your focus on Jesus.
What do you like to drink and listen to when you write? I usually have a cup of black coffee, and I listen to the local classical radio station.
Are there any fears you’re currently wrestling with? I fear that I might not always write. God took it away from me when I first became a believer, and He gave it back to me later; however, I never know how long I will be writing. I learned through that experience that this is His gift and He could take it at anytime. If He doesn’t, I’m going to just keep writing because I love to write so much. I just keep it submitted to the Lord.
When you start writing, do you know how your stories will end?
Who is your favorite character from your books? My favorite character is Michael Hosea from Redeeming Love. He’s a lot like Jesus—the Lover of My Soul. My other favorite is Hadassah from A Voice in the Wind … she’s the kind of Christian I want to be.
Not usually. They often come as a surprise to me. I really let my characters tell their story.
Do you have an alter ego in any of your stories? Yes, I would have to say that Carolyn, who is introduced in Her Daughter’s Dream, the second part of my new saga, is definitely my alter ego. But you’ll have to read it for yourself to find out why.
Fall 2010 19
studio spice
Elegant and Easy Chicken & Rice by LYNDA GROVE
N
othing is more fun than inviting a few friends and neighbors over for an elegant dinner by candlelight. But who really has the time to labor in the kitchen? The solution: try this simple but elegant meal. Add a crusty loaf of bread and a pre-tossed salad, and you have the makings for a very special evening. You can create a beautiful evening with minimal time and expense. Invite your friends and family. Set a beautiful table. Light the candles. You’ll be surprised by what you can create and share!
Chicken 4–6 boneless, skinless chicken breasts 1 pkg Knorr Hollandaise Sauce 2 Tbsp flour 2 cups milk 6 Tbsp butter ⅛–¼ tsp cayenne pepper (no spice, just nice) 2 Tbsp fresh lemon juice Pre-heat oven to 350°. Soak chicken in saltwater bath (¼ cup salt to 1 large pot of water) for 30 minutes. In a frying pan, lightly salt and pepper, then brown both sides of chicken. Remove from pan. Whisk together butter, hollandaise sauce, flour and milk. Bring to a boil while stirring constantly. Once it boils, simmer for one minute, remove from heat and add cayenne pepper and lemon juice. Place chicken in baking dish, pour sauce on top and bake at 350° for 35 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink.
LYNDA GROVE, Associate Pastor of Pink, is also known as “Mamma Mia,” because of her love for Italian cooking. A mother of four and wife of Kevin, Gateway’s Associate Senior Pastor, her personal passion is seeing women valued and encouraged. She plays a mean game of Farkle, loves to travel and was born to shop.
20 Studio G
Rice 2 cups rice 3 cups chicken broth ½–1 cup sautéed mushrooms (optional) ½ cup roasted slivered almonds 2 Tbsp butter 1 Tbsp dried onion 2 Tbsp fresh lemon juice Salt/pepper Combine all ingredients and bring to a boil. Cover, reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes or until tender. Serve chicken and rice with a fresh salad and hot bread. enjoy!
by JUDY BRISKY
Relationships can be tough, especially when they involve those closest to us. My guess is that it’s because we have the unspoken expectation that those we know best, we should also love best; although sadly, that’s not always the case. This past spring, I visited my parent’s home in South Texas. It’s always good to see family and spend time reminiscing and catching up on life, but this time I came back with something really special. I got to know my mom in a way I never had before. Although I’d always known my mom was organized, determined and fairly domineering, I discovered that she was also loyal, passionate and strong. Mom’s loyalty to her friends lasted a lifetime. I came across a picture of my mom and her best friend as kids, and then I later saw that same friend standing as a bridesmaid in my parent’s wedding picture. She also had another close friendship that lasted more than 50 years. She met my father when she was only 14 and he was 17. They became fast friends and married seven years later after they
both finished high school and my dad spent some time serving in the Army. Mom kept many of the letters and pictures that Dad sent while he was in the Army. Through her words, I saw how deeply and passionately she loved my dad. Her dreams, like mine, involved finding a man to love, being loved by him, getting married and having children together. Her passion was especially evident in her love for my children, her two grandsons. She had many boxes that held pictures of Jacob and Joel from the time they were infants until their growth into young men. Mom’s love for my children has always amazed me. She never failed to tell and show them how much she loved them, and she always encouraged them in their interests. I, on the other hand, always seemed to do or say something that upset her. As a child, I never knew how she might react to certain situations. As an adult, there was little doubt when I had angered her. We always managed to settle things between us, but I found it unsettling to know she was upset with me. I suppose I felt we should be closer, but I didn’t know how to make that happen.
Fall 2010 21
During my visit, I recalled my mother’s strength. She had struggled with being able to have children, and then finally had a child—me. She endured the pain of a marriage in crisis, but came out stronger and determined to make the marriage work, which it did. That left an incredible impression on me. I learned that a good marriage takes hard work, time and forgiveness on both sides. Mom endured cancer in her 30s, was later diagnosed with diabetes and had high blood pressure. No doubt about it, she was strong—both mentally and physically. Yet, my trip home brought me closer to my mom in a way I never imagined. I feel like my heart connected with hers in a new and fresh way … even though my mom passed away six years ago. We made this trip to help my father clean out their house and help him make the move to our home in North Texas. The night before my mom died, we had a conversation on the phone and she told me she was feeling very tired. We told each other “I love you” … as we always did … and then we said goodbye. I didn’t know that would be the last conversation we would ever have. The next afternoon, my mom was taken to the hospital. She had suffered a massive heart attack and died before I was able to get to her. Fortunately, Mom had kept letters, pictures and notes about her life. She even had newspaper clippings about my “pageant days” that I had no idea she’d saved. For more than 25 years, she’d kept pictures and articles that chronicled my life as a young adult. Mom also kept articles about my husband, Mike, detailing his golf career. Through the years, I had often wondered if she was proud of me, if she was happy with who I turned out to be. On that trip, I finally asked my father a question I had wanted to ask since she died. “Dad,” I asked tearfully, “I know Mom loved me, but did she like me?” Through some tears, Dad recalled how it was difficult for her to share her feelings. Mama was a bit reserved when it came to sharing feelings. He said that, yes, she loved me and was so proud of who I was. While I would have loved to hear her say it, I heard it in the letters and cards and notes she left behind. I’m so grateful that she kept a history of our lives in all the papers and pictures she saved through the years. And in God’s perfect timing, I got to know her again and my love for her grew even more. I’m very thankful that she knew I loved her. I’m thankful that we spoke the night before she died. And I am most thankful that she knew Jesus. While my relationship with mom was strained at times, I’ve come to the realization that she really did the best she could. As a mom myself, I can see that now because I know I fall short more times than I would like.
22 Studio G
Over the past few months, I’ve discovered three things that can help us strengthen and preserve our relationship with our mothers.
Forgive. “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14–15 Our moms are going to disappoint us at times, but Jesus calls us to have a forgiving spirit. We must not expect them to be perfect or to meet all our needs, only our heavenly Father can do that. Forgiving doesn’t mean we excuse what they did or didn’t do, it means we are able to give our pain and hurt to God and let Him bring us healing. Even if your mother has passed away, you can still forgive and be released from harboring any bitterness. The book, Freedom From Your Past by Jimmy Evans and Ann Billington says, “The poison of unforgiveness damages the person in whom it is stored worse than anyone it can be spit upon.”
Choose Not to Remember. And their sins and iniquities I will remember no more. Hebrews 10:17 You can find comfort in knowing that God chooses not to remember your past failings. With His strength, you can also choose not to remember and perhaps forge a new relationship with your mom. Not remembering releases you from digging up past hurts and reliving your pain. With God’s help, you can move forward in a healthy and mutually respectful relationship.
Be Thankful. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 It can be difficult to be thankful when your mother/daughter relationship has been one of strain, stress and heartache, but know “that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him” (Romans 8:28). Our difficulties can strengthen and enable us to be more understanding towards our mothers as well as others. Cultivating a thankful heart brings us closer to knowing God’s heart for our moms, and it helps us to love our moms as He does and see them through His eyes. Today, I feel like I’ve come full circle. Proverbs 16:22 says, “Understanding is a fountain of life to one who has it,” and I came away from our trip to South Texas with a better and deeper understanding of my mother. Now that my dad has moved in with us, our family is excited about this new season in our lives, and we look forward to building new memories together while relishing the old memories that continue to bring us strength and love and comfort.
Fall 2010 23
All Contacts
Relationships in Crisis
by JAN GREENWOOD
A
A B
Relationships are a wonderful gift we have from the moment we are born until the day we die. It begins with our parents and moves to our extended family. We learn how to develop friendships and, ideally, enter into a lifelong, saving relationship with Jesus. When our relationships are healthy, they naturally help us, encourage us, give us a sense of belonging and provide lots of joy. They are based in respect, trust and consideration for one another. But sometimes our relationships are unhealthy … someone hurts us, promises are broken, expectations go unmet, needs are ignored, and we are violated by words or deeds. And sometimes,
we are the ones who hurt, disappointment or even abuse another. Sometimes our relationships become so unhealthy, they involve domestic violence, sexual assault, child abuse, financial crisis, unplanned pregnancies and divorce. Is there hope? Yes. God cares about your relationships. No matter the depth of your crisis, there is help and hope for you. A crisis, by definition, is an unstable situation from which an outcome can be altered—for better or for worse. This very moment is an opportunity for change. Don’t let fear hold you back. If you’re in a crisis relationship, please don’t wait any longer. Reach out for help. We are here for you.
C D E F G H I J K L
B
M N
Marriage in Crisis/Divorce Abuse/Infidelity Unity (Gateway Married Life) call: 817.552.7481 email: unity@gatewaypeople.com visit: unity.gatewaypeople.com Personal Counseling/Obsessive Behaviors/Repeating Cycles Freedom Ministries call: 817.552.7462 email: freedom@gatewaypeople.com visit: freedom.gatewaypeople.com Budgeting/Debt Reduction/Benevolence Generous Life (Gateway Financial Stewardship) call: 817.552.3710 email: stewardship@gatewaypeople.com visit: stewardship.gatewaypeople.com
24 Studio G
Single Parenting/Unplanned Pregnancy re (Single Parent Families) call: 817.552.3752 email: re@gatewaypeople.com visit: re.gatewaypeople.com Sickness Gateway Healing Ministry call: 817.552.3612 email: healing@gatewaypeople.com visit: healing.gatewaypeople.com Job Assistance Gateway Job Center call: 817.552.3710 email: jobcenter@gatewaypeople.com visit: jobcenter.gatewaypeople.com
Other Resources The National Domestic Violence Hotline Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) ndvh.org National Runaway Switchboard Keeping America’s runaway and at-risk youth safe and off the streets. 1.800.RUNAWAY or 1.800.786.2929 1800runaway.org National Human Trafficking Resource Center (nhtrc) Toll-free hotline, available 24/7 1.888.3737 nhtrc.polarisproject.org
O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Winning His Heart by CHELSEA SEATON
I closed my Bible after my time with the Lord and just sat there. “This used to be intoxicating,” I thought to myself. “What happened?” I felt like I was in some kind of 50s sitcom, with Jesus in one twin bed and me in another. What I longed for was to be right next to Him. After an exhausting day of analyzing where I was going wrong or what I needed to do differently, I stopped thinking about it and decided to do something fun for my roommate. I began to write her the silliest poem I could think of, because hey, everyone can use a good laugh. In that moment, the Lord asked, “Would you write Me a silly poem? I love to laugh too.” At first I was confused, because the God I knew growing up lived in a “No Fun Zone.” But I listened and began to write: “Thank You for the green lights going home … by the way, do You like my new cologne?” It definitely wasn’t my best work, but He asked for it, and so I did it! Through this little experience, I learned that God is creative and fun … and He loves it when I am too. I realized that all the things I do to pursue the hearts of my family, my friends and my future spouse can be the same things I do to pursue God’s heart.
you can do s g in h t 10 Here aree the flame in your. to ignitnship with the Lord relatio to rhyme).
sn’t have e o d t (i m e o p markers 1. Write Him a d n a s n e p d e r t colo 2. Use differennaling. when jour paragraph, . e ir t n e n a g n li ntence journa 3. Instead of e one passionate prayer se riving or d n e simply writ h w im H o ng to sing t .4 Make up a soower. only draw n a c u o y taking a sh if y e_ don`t worr r u t ic p a im H 5. Draw stick figures. and Him. u o y t s u j . .. te a date lk a e r c o t e n lo a .6 Go for a wa n you`’re home e h w s le d n a c 7. Light and God. u o y r o f t s u love Him. j u o y night y h w s n o list of reas 10 p o t a m mirror. o e o k r h a t M a b 8. e h t tes to Him on o n e v lo e it r W 9. story. le ib B e it r o v a f r ort zone, f m o c r u o y 10. Tell Him you f o ard and out us is waiting for you. w k w a e b t h ig At first, it m ou to keep pressing in. Jes but I urge y
Fall 2010 25
by STEPHANIE KELSEY
Don’t you just love those times when God draws your attention to something you’ve never paid much attention to before? This happened to me as I made the long drive from Nebraska back to Keller, Texas—10 hours to be exact. I’ve always enjoyed my car time. Whether I’m talking with my husband, a friend or God, the car is a great place to spend quality time together. On this particular occasion, the trip was just God, me and the open road.
to be flapping his wings much faster; there was nothing smooth about his flight. I wondered why this bird wasn’t falling in line. As I continued to observe, I knew there was a great lesson in this beautiful example of God’s creation. When I got home, I googled, “Why do birds fly in v formation?” Let me share with you some of the fascinating facts I discovered.
cooperation, appreciation for each other’s importance and care for the weary and wounded? As these birds work together to accomplish their goal, they become faster, stronger, more protected and unified. We can learn some amazing lessons from these birds that do what God has created them to do—lessons about leadership and working as a team.
FLYING IN V FORMATION …
• Be a leader who equips others and helps to develop leaders.
DON’T STRUGGLE ON YOUR OWN. GET INVOLVED, LEAD, FOLLOW, BE SUPPORTED, AND BE A SUPPORT.
• Gives the birds protection. For example, if a bird gets wounded and has to fall out of the formation, at least two other birds go with him for protection. They stay with the fallen bird until he dies or is able to fly again. Then they join another formation, always traveling in groups.
As I drove, a flock of birds flying in a v formation caught my eye. I began to watch more closely, my eyes shooting to the air and then back again to the road … over and over again. With great wonder, I observed how these birds somehow knew exactly what to do—how far apart to fly and who the leader was. My eye went to a single bird that was near the v formation but not in line with all the other birds. He appeared 26 Studio G
• Can get the birds 71% farther than flying on their own.
• Means that the lead bird at the front of the v has the hardest job. Because he meets the most resistance and gets the brunt of the wind’s force, each of the birds take turns leading so they can all have rest and times of less resistance. • Enables the birds to fly farther distances and for longer periods of time because they’re able to glide more and use less energy. Who wouldn’t want to be part of a group that functions with this type of leadership,
• Be a follower who gets the team where they need to go while looking out for others on the team. • Recognize the importance of each individual. Together, you will go farther and get where you need to go faster than you ever could on your own. • Help your leaders by giving them a break. They need rest too. • Surround yourself with people who can lift you up. Now I understand why the little bird that was out of formation was flapping his little wings so hard! He was hit with the force of the wind without any help or support. Don’t struggle on your own. Get involved, lead, follow, be supported, and be a support. You will be greatly blessed and so will the people around you, because flying in formation is the best way to fly!
Navigating the Friendship River by KATY DAVIS
W
hen I look at childhood pictures of myself, I often find myself saying things like, “Oh! That’s me and my best friend from second grade at a sleepover.” A few pictures later, I’m saying, “That’s us in junior high at homecoming.” Then, “There’s my best friend and me at prom” … and so on. The crazy thing is it’s never the same best friend! It seems like my best friends changed as often as my outfits. We’d be going strong in algebra class during first period, but by sixth period, we were on the rocks. And by lunch the next day, our friendship was over! It was a terrible pattern that continued for years.
doesn’t sound so bad), I’ve finally discovered that those “impossible” girl relationships don’t really have to be so impossible after all. When I first moved to the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex and began attending Gateway, I was extremely gun-shy about finding new friends. But nine months later, my husband and I found a Gateway Group for young married couples, and I began to get to know some of the women. To my surprise, I discovered that the women were real. It couldn’t be! These young women were hanging out together and not talking bad about other people. Seriously?! It seemed too good to be true!
What I can see now is we were learning how to be friends based on a 90210 world and had no idea that there was actually a better way. But after years of failed friendships (which I’ll call “research” so it
This group had set strong boundaries on their conversations and attitudes in order to create healthy friendships. When women get together, it’s easy for the conversation to turn negative and critical.
Fall 2010 27
However, if a clear direction is already predetermined, it’s easier to stay on course. Throughout my life, I had mistakenly let my friendships just float along on the “friendship river” and take me wherever the current led. All too often, it simply flowed down the old familiar channels of jealousy and criticism.
When you have healthy boundaries in place, you don’t get swept away by rushing water.
This raft is called boundaries. When you have healthy boundaries in place, you don’t get swept away by rushing water. Instead, you are able to navigate the friendship river based on your predetermined decisions and standards. Although boundaries may seem intimidating, they’re safe and completely necessary. Because only when you stay within proper and established boundaries will your relationships be accepting, loving and honoring. So what floatation device are you on? An inner tube that’s passively letting the waters take your friendships where it may? Or are you on a raft that puts you in control of the course of your relationships? I hope you can see how your choice can make all the difference in your friendships. You either decide to steer your conversations and attitudes in God-honoring ways or you allow the current to decide for you.
I’ve come to realize there are two distinct ways to float down the friendship river. The first way is by inner tube—a free-floating device that allows you to kick back, relax and lounge as it takes you wherever the river flows. But inner tubes are also dangerous because they tend to capsize whenever they’re going through rough waters. The second way is by raft. A raft is safer; it’s steady, controlled and steerable. The problem is most people are hanging out and floating down the river in their inner tubes, and they’re not even aware that they could choose a raft and what a difference it can make.
Abandoning your inner tube and jumping on the raft enables you to create friendships that are stronger and more fulfilling. Your first step must be recognizing where you are right now and considering what course your friendships are currently on. Then, prayerfully set your boundaries. If you don’t know how to go about doing that, ask God for help. He’s more than willing to help you move toward healthier friendships! So throw on your bathing suit (don’t worry, it’s only a metaphor … no one will see you in it) and hop in the river because the water is good and friendships are actually a gift from God.
What are you interested in? Whether it’s Bible study, prayer, freedom, professional women or leadership development, we have a group just for you! Topics, leaders and locations change each semester, so check back often to find a group that’s right for you.
PINK More info? call: 817.552.3705 email: pinkgroups@gatewaypeople.com visit: groups.gatewaypeople.com
Giving Life to Relationships by CASSIE REID
In a recent conversation with some friends over dinner, I received one of the most profound revelations about relationships. We started to discuss how some relationships in our lives seem to cost more than the benefits they produce. This caused me to start thinking about what characterizes a life-giving relationship, which in turn led me to investigate my own life to make sure that I was giving life to each relationship I cherish. As a therapist, I help people navigate their relationships on a daily basis. I teach them how to operate in marriage, friendships and other valuable relationships. Through these investigations, I’ve learned not only a great deal about myself but also about some of the common mistakes people make that cause relationships to become strained and difficult. Based on what I’ve learned, here are three specific ways to make relationships worth the investment.
1
Know when to listen and when to speak. So many people
fail to take the time to truly listen to what others are saying. As individuals, each of us has a story and the desire to be heard. Taking the time to really hear what your spouse or friends have to say allows them to feel appreciated. Listening allows us to feel cherished, and it provides richness to
our relationships. There are times when a true friend knows that saying something is important and they know exactly what to say. Healthy relationships thrive when people engage in meaningful conversations and show genuine interest in each other.
2
Invest in the other person.
Life-giving friends know that it’s impossible to make a withdrawal from an account that has a zero balance. Many individuals come to counseling because they’ve been forgetting to make “deposits” into their relationships. Making a deposit can be as simple as listening or as complex as helping out with a major task. Inevitably, a time comes when you need something from your spouse or friend. If that person’s account is full, a withdrawal can be made. Unfortunately, many married couples are living with accounts that have low balances or that are overdrawn. These individuals usually feel like they are constantly giving and not receiving what they need to remain engaged in the relationship. Investment is simple; it doesn’t require much, but it allows the other person to feel like the relationship is important to you.
3
Be transparent. Transparency is
a sign of honor and trust. When you honor and trust someone, you are not afraid
to be yourself—you’re more likely to show them the inner workings of your heart, mind and emotions. It’s difficult to invest in relationships where the other person is not willing to provide these intimate things. I used to be horrible at being transparent, especially in the relationships that I valued the most. It was difficult for me to allow others to see my struggles, because they were such a sign of weakness to me. But by becoming more transparent with my husband, I revealed to him my heart and as a result gave him more honor. If your spouse doesn’t know what you’re thinking, feeling and experiencing, it will be difficult for them to feel honored by you, even if this isn’t your intention. Humans are innately relational. We need to be around others and engage in relationships that feed our soul. And each of us can have the heart of a life-giving friend and spouse. The key is allowing your actions to line up with the intentions you possess. It’s important to think about what you desire in your own relationships and provide that same thing to those you encounter. These few steps will allow you to not only become a life-giving friend but also help you evaluate your own friendships and relationships to see if they are giving life to you.
Fall 2010 29
Out
Box of the
by KATHY JIMERSON
Things change. I seem to collide with this fact way more often than I’d like.
The first time I received a text message, I thought my cell phone was broken. Scooping it up, I drove to the phone company where I recently bought it. When I handed it to the nice man, I said, “It’s making a funny buzzing sound, and this little red blinking light won’t stop. I think it’s broken.” He held it in the palm of his hand, looked at the phone, looked back at me, looked at the phone, looked back at me (I now know he was summing up what level of intelligence he was dealing with!) and so kindly said, “Ma’am, you have a text message.” That’s when I knew that simply adapting to using a cell phone was no longer enough! The more I think about it, the more I’m starting to realize that maybe change isn’t the problem. Maybe adapting to change is the real issue. You hear it from people (and maybe yourself ) all the time: “We’ve always done it this way!” or “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Growing up in a small community tucked back in the pine trees of deep East Texas, life wasn’t complicated. No one was climbing 30 Studio G
the corporate ladder; survival was often a big enough reach for many. Radios and black and white televisions were the latest technology. Nothing really changed. We were a small group of people living a simple life. The church in my town was the hub of this small group of families. For earlier generations, it served as a one-room schoolhouse where my dad and many of the adults in this community got their education. I was just a small girl when they decided to replace the old building with a new one. No one had money, let alone extra money for a new building. But a one-room school/church no longer met the needs of the community. They wanted a place for family dinners, a choir loft, rooms for Sunday school and maybe a room just for babies. Oh, and pews with a place for hymnals! They decided if they were going to dream, they might as well make it a big dream! Not only was it a big leap of faith, it meant replacing the old way of doing things with something new. At first, not everyone liked the idea. Why change what worked for generations? With much prayer and lots of intense discussion, the “Lord’s Acre” was
put into place. I guess that was my first exposure to a building program. I remember my grandparents giving their egg money which, on their meager retirement pension, was a huge sacrifice. One family committed part of their watermelon crop. Another man in the community, who was a carpenter by trade, made small wooden replicas of the new church that were actually small banks for each family to collect pennies in to donate to the Lord’s Acre. Everyone got creative. Nothing was too hard or too big. In time, a new building replaced the old. Just about every kid I grew up with got married inside that building. For 50 years, we’ve called it the Church in the Wildwood, and the majority of us call it home to our first encounter with faith. I eventually grew up, started my own family and left behind my small community. The small-town streets I grew up with were replaced with big city lights and traffic; and the small church of my youth was replaced with a large megachurch. The kids got involved in the youth group, but I felt lost in the crowd on Sunday mornings; it was easier to become a number instead of a member. I could come, hear a great message and go home with no strings attached. No one knew me, and I knew no one. It was a far stretch from my days with that small group of people who held each other accountable. I began to feel alone and disconnected from the familiar. Most of the people I knew in a close way were the people I worked with on a daily basis. Their idea of forming relationships and common interests was “Happy Hour” on Friday afternoons after work. They always invited me, but I always declined. I wanted what I had as a kid in that small community, and I didn’t think I would find it in a bar. In my heart, I knew that if God was in the small church back home, He was also in the big church in the city. It was my responsibility to create relationships with other believers. Therefore, I had to find the little church within the bigger church.
When I attended my first women’s small group, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was pleasantly surprised. Some were my age, some younger and some older. But all were there to find fellow believers to do life with and to share a common bond—the love of Christ and His people. Out of that group grew friendships and long-term relationships. In that group, I found a place to grow as well as belong.
But as for me, I trust in Thee, O Lord; I say, “ Thou art my God.” My times are in Thy hand.
Psalm 31:14–15
Over the years, I’ve discovered that although God doesn’t change, the way we do things is always changing. It’s a faster-paced world. New ideas are conceived daily, and they’re changing the way we function in a very technology-driven world. Building programs operate differently; praise and worship teams are often replacing robed choirs; and while I will always love the old hymns, I also embrace the new praise and worship music. There are even services on days other than Sunday! God is always moving, and that involves being trusting and flexible to move with Him. Peter got out of the boat; so I figured I could get out of the box. I now text and am even on Facebook (thanks to my granddaughter, Katy). It’s a new day with the same God of my childhood. While I enjoy my “big church” on the weekends, the relationships developed through the people in my small group remind me of the Church in the Wildwood and the small community of people I still call family. Sometimes it’s only the packaging that changes.
GLOBAL MINISTRY TRIPS FOR WOMEN We have several opportunities throughout the year for you to go on ministry trips with Pink (Gateway Women). Be sure to check trips.gatewaypeople.com and pink.gatewaypeople.com for information about the latest trips available for you.
Fall 2010 31
Fish in the Sea by DEBBIE MORRIS
What do you mean you don’t want to be my friend? What’s wrong? What did I do? One of my sweetest, closest friends had just called and out of the blue told me she couldn’t be my friend anymore. Before this surprising phone call, we had talked daily. We were extremely close. And now—just like that—with a single phone call, we weren’t friends.
They feed on gossip and others’ bad fortune. Motivated by their jealousy and greed, they delight when someone else comes to harm. If another fish is ensnared, they will nibble on them until they devour the captive fish. If you’re a catfish, you must deal with the jealousy and bitterness in your heart. Hurts are inevitable, so forgive and seek the good in others.
I thought, Surely, in a day or two she’ll come to her senses and everything will go back to normal. But days turned into weeks. My phone calls were unreturned. It didn’t make sense to me. As time passed, the reality became clear … my friendship was over.
Barnacles tenaciously cling to ships. Barnacles falsely assume they are going somewhere because of the movement around them, but they do nothing to propel their movement forward. They simply attach themselves to a moving vessel. Barnacles lack spiritual or emotional growth, so they must vicariously live through others. Beware of how many barnacles you carry. Enormous ships are slowed down because of barnacle buildup and must be scraped clean in order to be effective. If you are a barnacle, develop yourself. You will find it personally fulfilling and attractive.
I didn’t know what to do. Then, one day I heard someone say, “There are other fish in the sea.” And that statement completely transformed my views about friendship. I realized that just like not all fish are created the same, neither are friendships. An important question to ask yourself is, “If friends are like fish, what kind of ‘fish’ am I?” Knowing the type of friend you are will help you remake your friend skills and maybe find a new “school” of friends. Catfish are bottom-dwelling, thickskinned, slimy, trash-consuming fish. These are tough girls whose life disappointments and past hurts have skewed their outlook and made them thick-skinned. Catfish friends are always negative. No one wants to be around a catfish.
32 Studio G
Goldfish are great entertainment. Although goldfish aren’t too exotic, they are classic fun. Goldfish provide hours of good clean fun. Never underestimate the value of the goldfish in your life. They keep you sane during your seasons of waiting such as when you’re waiting for a diagnosis, a breakthrough or for your child to grow up. They help lower your blood pressure and bring peace into your world. Your tank can never have too many goldfish. If you’re a goldfish, don’t take yourself for granted, because we all need friends like you.
Dolphins are sensitive and caring. They’ve been known to come to the aid of swimmers when they sense danger. A dolphin is instinctive and kind. They show up with precise aid when you’re in trouble. They are like God’s angels to you. They may not stay around long-term, but they’ll pop in to help when you need it most and be gone again to assist someone else. We should all look for opportunities to rescue the endangered or hurting … even if it means going up against a powerful shark. The next time you get a chance, be sure to thank the dolphins in your life. Salmons are amazing friends. A salmon will swim against the current, ascending mountain streams just to give birth to her offspring, and then die shortly after delivering her eggs. Salmons have great character. Their word is gold. Salmons will go to extraordinary measures to see something accomplished in someone’s life. They sacrifice their time to help a friend clean a closet or pray all night for a breakthrough. In many ways, they are the most like Christ, because they empty themselves. If you’re a salmon, count the cost because not every need is your call to fulfill. Listen to wise people such as your spouse and parents before you decide to swim up a stream, expend yourself in the wrong direction and not have the energy for what is most important. There are many benefits and shortfalls of other fish. But the most important thing to remember is that your friendships start with you—they are a reflection of you. Whether you’re navigating the familiar or the uncharted waters of the friendship sea, here are a couple of suggestions. Actively feed on good stuff—God’s Word. It will sharpen your discernment skills to help you avoid getting caught in the undercurrent with fish that will eat you alive. Get healthy. Your emotional, spiritual and mental health shows more than you think. Invest in becoming healthier by forgiving and receiving forgiveness. Take risks. Don’t hide from new relationships. They’re so worth it!
Safe swimming!
More info? call: 817.552.3655 email: pinkinc@gatewaypeople.com visit: pinkinc.gatewaypeople.com
Don’t Miss Our Upcoming
A Pink Night of Worship Thursday, October 7 | 7:00 pm | Gateway Southlake Thursday, October 14 | 7:00 pm | Gateway Frisco
When women come together to worship, something powerful happens! Join Pink (Gateway Women) as we enter into God’s presence through an engaging night of worship expressed through music, the Word, dance and visual arts.
We have two special nights of worship planned for you, and we invite you to come with open and expectant hearts. Pastor Ben Haake, Rebecca Pfortmiller and the Gateway Worship team will be leading at Gateway Southlake, and Pastor Kari Jobe will be leading at Gateway Frisco with the Gateway Worship team. This will be a worship experience unlike any other!
More info? call: 817.552.3756 email: pink@gatewaypeople.com visit: pink.gatewaypeople.com facebook: facebook.com/gatewaypink twitter: twitter.com/gatewaypink
Fall2009 2010 33 33 Summer
studio pulse
Recommended Reading by HANNAH MORRIS
Her Mother’s Hope
by Francine Rivers
Have you ever been so completely immersed in a book that you feel like you’re actually a part of the story? That … just for a moment … all of the cares in your world have faded away as you sink yourself into this fictional story that at the time feels so real? I felt like that when I read Her Mother’s Hope by Francine Rivers … and it’s not just because the plot and characters completely captured my attention. It’s the fact that although this book is fictional, there are parts woven throughout the story that came from the author’s personal family history. One of the main characters, Marta Schneider, has a difficult childhood living with a verbally and physically abusive father whom she can’t please and a mother and younger sister she loves very much but who are emotionally weak. Determined to make something of herself, she flees from the life her father has chosen HANNAH MORRIS Hannah Morris is married to Josh, the Associate Pastor of Connect (Gateway’s ministry for pastors and churches). She spends most of her time taking care of her little ones, Grady (3) and Willow (7 months old).
for her and sets out to begin a difficult journey that takes her from her home in Switzerland to England, Canada and, ultimately, the United States. After starting her own family, Marta dreams of her children having a better life than she had. Because she believes that only the strong survive, she demonstrates tough love to her children—especially her oldest daughter, Hildemara Rose—and it’s often mistaken for disapproval. Through this book, you see a pattern emerging in the generations of mothers and daughters. Both Marta and her mother hope for their daughters to have a better life than they had. And both Marta and her daughter, Hildie, desire to fulfill each of their mother’s dreams for them. Francine Rivers does an excellent job of showing the reader how complicated a mother-daughter relationship can sometimes be, simply because our actions don’t always represent how we really feel and can easily be misunderstood. Reading this book caused me to think about how I want my relationship to be with my daughter and what traits I want to pass down to her. It made me really think about what legacy I’m leaving for her.
le b a ail m v w A,s Drea o r el Naughte u eq D
As I finished the last page of Her Mother’s Hope, I discovered that it was the first book of a two-book saga. While I am disappointed that I have to wait to read the sequel, I’m excitedly looking forward to finding out what happens next.
S Her
AVAILABLE NOW AT PASSAGES
34 Studio G
passages.gatewaypeople.com
NEW LIVE WORSHIP ALBUM AVAILABLE THIS NOVEMBER
teaching worshipping growing
Thursdays 10/9c theblessedlife.com
2121 E Southlake Blvd Southlake, TX 76092
Visit Pastor Debbie's Blog debbiemorris.gatewaypeople.com
Expanded schedule. Largest gathering ever! Wednesday–Saturday | April 6–9, 2011 pinkimpact.com