Interview with Bee Sober: The relationship between mental wellbeing and alcohol

There are many reasons why people drink alcohol: to celebrate, feel more relaxed, socialise, commiserate, unwind from work, whilst some may use drink as a coping mechanism to mask difficult feelings or life events.

My grief counsellor once told me to be mindful of how you feel before you drink, and be mindful about why you want to drink – Are you angry at a situation and drinking to forget? Are you drinking to feel less present? Are you drinking to cope with past trauma? Are you happy and drinking to celebrate? These are all difficult but necessary and important questions to ask.

Many of us may have been on a night out looking like we’re having the time of our life…. and in many cases, we may be - but if our reasons for drinking are negative, should we really have that pint or glass of wine?

People who have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol can experience heightened levels of anxiety, depression, and experience other mental health difficulties. It’s important for us all to be self-aware about our headspace and if we decide that it’s not the right time for us to drink alcohol, we should never feel boring for doing so; putting your mental wellbeing first is necessary.

Life-long best friends, Lisa and Alex, who after realising that their relationship with alcohol was negatively impacting on their mental health, decided to set up the Littleborough based charity, Bee Sober - a community of people who want to find fun, joy, happiness and friendship without revolving around alcohol.

Lisa founded Bee Sober Manchester purely as a meet up group for like-minded sober people to "socialise and feel less alone on their journey". With two other women Lisa met on Instagram, they held their first sober social event and over 30 people attended. From here, they went on to host regular events in the Manchester area.

When Alex became sober a year later, Lisa and Alex both started The Sober Experiment Podcast and decided to set up a non-profit organisation called Bee Sober to help people who wanted to live a sober

lifestyle, feel normal on their journey. It has now changed from purely social events to supporting people to get and stay sober.

What advice would you give to someone that is going on a night out, doesn’t want to drink, and is feeling anxious about what their friends may think?

"We are both such strong-minded people, it would be really difficult to talk either of us into anything we didn’t want to do. That’s been helpful for staying sober and saying no to peer pressure.

We are both really loud and proud about our sobriety and so sure that this is the life we want to live, our whole demeanour shouts "no thanks" to alcohol.

"Our advice would be to plan ahead and make sure people know your intentions. "I am not drinking because I feel better sober" is not something people can argue against. A true friend will support your decisions no matter what."

Grieving a loss of a loved one is tough and encounters many emotions. How did grief affect your relationship with alcohol?

"We have both lost loved ones during our drinking days and our sober days [Lisa lost her Step-Dad when she was 18 and Alex lost her Dad at 31]. Both our Dad’s were pub landlords, drinkers, and had alcoholrelated deaths. I guess in hindsight, we both drank more through these times to numb out the feelings of loss and grief."

More recently, Alex suffered a miscarriage and her drinking escalated, subsequently becoming her 'coping tool', which negatively impacted her mental health. The realisation that drinking became her 'coping tool' for her miscarriage motivated Alex to implement positive steps towards sobriety and experience the benefits of live without alcohol.

Someone may be reading this and coming to the realisation that they are using drink as a coping mechanism. What advice would you give to them?

"Please reach out to someone, whether this is a friend, relative, charity, or health professional, as there is so much help out there. Accepting you have a negative relationship with alcohol then opens doors to implement positive coping mechanisms that don’t revolve around alcohol."

Being a big believer in positivity, gratitude, and mindfulness, I asked Lisa and Alex if that had helped them in their journey of sobriety. Lisa explained that she has positive affirmations on her bedroom mirror, and enjoys long walks, hikes, wild camping, waterfall hunting, wild swimming, meditation and yoga.

Alex struggled to find methods like this useful, taking a very scientific and black and white approach to sobriety. However, over time, and with guidance from Lisa, positivity, gratitude, and mindfulness have also been a big part of her journey.

Alex commented: "Both of us are constantly grateful for our friendship, our community and our sober lifestyle and focusing on the positives that sobriety brings is what has brought us to this point".

If you find yourself questioning your own relationship with alcohol or you are wondering if you should try sobriety, Bee Sober have a free Sober Experiment and host "The Sober Experiment Podcast" that can be found on their website.

They also have a subscription membership, which includes regular online dropin sessions that run at various times throughout the week and are run by volunteer ambassadors, fitness sessions that run every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning, a weekly group coaching and priority booking on all their events.

The subscription helps to fund Bee Sober's discounted coaching and counselling as well as being able to financially support people who need it, all of which can help people to get and stay sober. They also run wellbeing workshops and social events; one of Lisa's favourites is the monthly coldwater dip based in the Rochdale area for sober and sober curious people.

Lisa commented: "Our vision is to be as well-known as AA and SMART recovery as we offer something a little bit different."

To find out more information and to join the Bee Sober community, please visit their website beesoberofficial.com.

Bee Sober also need your help to continue to support people in the community. Organising a fundraiser or donating are amazing ways you can get involved and help them to reach more people.

If you take anything from this article, please talk about your problems rather than mask them with a drink and remember there is plenty of support and help out there.

Please visit www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcoholadvice/alcohol-support/ and www.drinkaware.co.uk/advice/alcoholsupport-services to learn more.

Brad Gartland

Mental Health Editor / Royal Voluntary Service Platinum Champion / Andy’s Man Club Facilitator / Stephen Gartland Foundation Trustee

Brad Gartland - Mental Health Editor

Some great avenues of support are provided below. Please never feel like you're alone:

DRINKLINE

The national alcohol helpline. If you're worried about your own or someone else's drinking, you can call this free helpline in complete confidence. Call 0300 123 1110 (weekdays 9am to 8pm, weekends 11am to 4pm).

BEE SOBER

www.beesoberofficial.com Offer a huge range of support options (counselling, coaching etc.) to help you on your journey.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (AA)

A free self-help group. Its "12 step" programme involves getting sober with the help of regular support groups.

TURNING POINT

www.turning-point.co.uk Whether you come to Turning Point with drug or alcohol issues, a mental health concern or a learning disability, we'll give you the individual support you need

ANDY’S MAN CLUB

www.andysmanclub.co.uk This is a safe, confidential, and nonjudgmental place where men can come and talk about their problems, every Monday (excluding bank holidays) at 7pm. Venue 1: Mayfield Sports Centre, OL11 3BY. Venue 2: Spotland Stadium, off Willbutts Lane, OL11 3DS ‘our spot community hub’ near the 5-a-side pitch.

SAMARITANS (116 123)

www.samaritans.org A 24-hour service available every day of the year. Or you can email Samaritans at: jo@samaritans.org

SHOUT 85258

This is a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone who is struggling to cope. To start a conversation, text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258

ROCHDALE AND DISTRICT MIND 01706 752338

Mind provide help and support directly to those who need it most in the local community.