Mental wellbeing tips for your family

Seven Tips to help children (and parents) get back to 'normal' - when 'normal' might feel a little strange - from the expert team at Beyond Psychology Ltd, Rochdale.

As we come out of lockdown and return to a life that used to be so familiar to us, a lot of us are probably wondering why it feels so strange, unsettling and challenging! After all, we managed to balance family life with work, school, and clubs for everyone before?

Realistically, we have spent so long in lockdown with restrictions imposed on us that the 'new normal' has really settled in for many of us and with so much changing so quickly over the last few weeks, we’re likely to feel anxious at times.

If we’re feeling that way, so are our children, so here are some tips that might help support their mental health at this stressful time.

1. CHAT ABOUT SCHOOL

Why not try putting some time aside after school called 'Family Feedback Time'. You can take this chance to sit down with the whole family and everyone can talk about their day, both what went well and what not so well. As a parent, you can show them how to do it by talking about your day and show them that it is okay to share. Having this at the same time every day lets your child know that they have a safe, predictable place where their worries and connected feelings can be heard.

2. NAME THE FEELING

When your child shares their worries, trying to name their emotions by 'wondering aloud' can be useful to help them develop their understanding of emotions. Use phrases like "You seem frustrated" or "You look sad right now" to help them to make these links.

3. MAKE THINGS PREDICTABLE

Where possible make sure your child knows what is happening in advance. You can use calendars for this in your child’s favourite colour and a whiteboard at their eye level to write down the plan for a day, three days, or a week.

4. HELP CHILDREN FEEL IN CONTROL

Children are likely feeling out of control now as their world is turned upside down with so many changes, so it can help to give them control as much as possible. As a parent you need to ultimately be in control, but offering small choices such as what to watch on the television or what to have at snack time can increase their ability to cope.

5. BE EXPLICIT ABOUT BEING THERE

When talking with your children, try to get on a level with them, offer comfort by touching or holding their hand and use phrases like "I’m here for you" or "This feels difficult right now". Even though we know we always mean these things, sometimes it helps to be explicit.

6. CORRECT WHEN CALM

Even the best laid plans cannot prevent our children getting upset and sometimes angry. Try to stay calm and in control (we know this is hard!) and only correct their behaviour when they have calmed down. Say things such as "We can’t speak to people like that" or offer natural and logical consequences rather than forced, unrelated ones. For example, helping them think about how to make things better if they have lashed out at someone, rather than confiscate their iPad.

7. SELF-CARE

The more you care for yourself, the more able you are to care for your children. Try to set some time aside, even if it’s just ten minutes, to do something you enjoy such as have a long shower, read your book or make space to drink a cup of tea.

Sam Tyrrell, Clinical Psychologist in training and Dr. Kirsty Hughes, Clinical Psychologist and co-director of Beyond Psychology Ltd.