Compassion fatigue

Compassion fatigue

by LuAn Mitchell

In an excerpt from my best-selling book, Paper Doll; I share this message about how I felt being a caregiver to my now, dearly departed husband.

It was a long, slow recovery. There was the worry of organ rejection for several months, but Fred was alive and he had a healthy new set of lungs. A new light shone from his hazel eyes. We had beaten the odds—again!

“More Than a Game.” During Fred’s long recovery from transplant surgery, I faced several challenges. I was single parenting a toddler, and making endless trips to the hospital with my two-year-old in my backpack to visit with Fred and help with his rehabilitation. Once the crisis passed and it was clear that Fred was returning to good health, I began to get a bit restless. Those were agonizing and long, lonely days. Sometimes I longed to escape. I cried a river—I am sure the San Francisco Bay rose to new levels with the flood from my aching heart! So, I planted some seeds.

I put all that water to good use and I created my own escape by returning to our dark bedroom. I kept our baby son close beside me on a blanket that I laid out on the floor. After the baby was asleep, I lit a small lamp and I began to write and create just like back in my teenage days. I put all my worries and racing thoughts into my Love Sieve and I asked for a fresh perspective; I prayed for vision and hope. Then I looked at my baby who was so peaceful and I quieted my mind and got settled. I sat cross-legged at the foot of the bed as I leaned my back on the frame and ideas began to flow. Only this time it was not story poems, this time I invented a board game called “Save the Planet.” My Love Sieve healing had guided me away from worry and refocused my thoughts into constructive ideas.

A flow began that came to me like dictation from an angel. My hand began to write out the details for how the game was played and how many cards were needed, etc. The idea for “Save the Planet” was linked to a passion of mine—my fervent environmentalism.

I envisioned the future world my child would be inheriting. I wanted to be of service and do my part in a global healing. I wondered how I could create a greener planet while also enjoying a new creative outlet for myself. I realize now that creating this game was an important coping mechanism for me in the aftermath of such a grueling time. Gradually, the game took shape. I designed it for children so families could play it together and learn about conservation and ecology. Once I had the concept, I started working with a talented Bay Area designer who created a colorful board for the game and an attractive outer box. I would bring the game with me into the hospital when I would visit Fred. He was able to sit up in a chair now, so we would sit and play the game together. Save the Planet became an outlet for us to take our mind off the stress of his health challenges. We began to smile more and we would look forward to our time together as though they were actually dates, not just hospital visits.

One day, while visiting Fred at the Stanford Medical Center, I met a man whose wife was waiting for a transplant. The man was Dennis Hayes, founder of Earth Day. Another divine intervention! These Earth Angels kept showing up in my life like clockwork after I began forgiveness Love Sieve practices for both myself and for others. I was seeing all these new friends constantly appearing in my world at just the right time in my life, over and over again. It was truly miraculous. Mr. Hayes took one of my games, later telling me in a lovely letter how much he and his staff enjoyed it. Save the Planet even garnered me some attention among the ladies who lunch in Beverly Hills. When I had lunch with some high-profile Hollywood wives to promote my game and Kids for Saving Earth, a non-profit organization for which I served as the volunteer National Advisor for North America. Our picture ended up on the cover of Beverly Hills Today. I was in discussion with a large toymaker to market Save the Planet on a national scale when Fred’s family problems escalated. I shifted my priorities and put my game on hold. I learned that you don’t always have to answer when opportunity knocks. Sometimes it can be a knee-jerk reaction instead of a thoughtful decision we need to prioritize. Sometimes, the opportunity is there but the timing is wrong.

Instead, I donated the game to the United World Colleges. At the time, their Chairperson was a woman I greatly admired, Queen Noor. The game was put into their integration program for international studies with my blessing and compliments. Kids for Saving Earth was given the children’s version of the game as a gift to use as a tool to help children understand how they can help the Earth. Now, instead of wondering, “What if?” I see “Save the Planet” as another seed for good that came out of Fred’s health challenges. Our world needs care for it’s own heart and lungs (oceans and forests), I thought, and so did Fred. Instead of playing the blame game, it all starts with me—the best I can do—and perhaps, it will catch on. That’s the answer when you put your questions into what I call in my book, a “Love Sieve.” Family members who want to make sure their loved ones’ needs are met give the gift of love and unselfish caring.

Caregivers like I was in those trying days, with my husband do things like shop for groceries, prepare meals, pick up and set out regimented prescriptions, assist with bathing, grooming and even dressing - in other words - they pull it together and do it. Caregivers make it their mission to do everything they can to make a loved one more comfortable during healing and if necessary at the end of life.

Caregivers often times burn the candle at both ends and develop something called compassion fatigue.

Compassion fatigue occurs when caregivers become stressed from caring for others. According to San Francisco psychotherapist Dennis Portnoy, “Compassion fatigue is caused by empathy. It is the natural consequence of stress resulting from caring for and helping…suffering people.”

Compassion fatigue can be thought of as extreme burnout. I know now that I suffered from this during my time as a caregiver when my late husband journeyed through the horrors of cystic fibrosis then a heart and double lung Transplant. It is in large part what motivated me to write my inspired international best-selling book, “Paper Doll.” Compassion fatigue doesn’t just happen overnight. Days, weeks, and months (in some cases even years) march on with mounting responsibilities, and stress factors caregivers become overwhelmed physically, emotionally, spiritually, and socially.

Patricia Smith, the founder of the Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project, said: “Every day in our caregiving role, we empty out in order to be present to those in our care. If we continue to empty out without filling up again, we place ourselves in harm’s way.”

You know how life sometimes throws speed bumps in your way?

LuAn Mitchell Got the Everest Variety.” The Woman is a Doll. A Paper Doll, to be precise. She is a Headliner. LuAn, or LA as she is often called, is the Paper Doll. She builds others up because she knows what it’s like to be torn down. In this life-altering book, paper is used as a metaphor for what we are all made of when we are walking one by one. A single piece of Paper can be burned. Have you ever felt like you were burned? Maybe you were crumpled up and stepped on or blown away and destroyed. Time for us all to rise together because a ream of Paper Dolls has some heft! Together we are building a Global army of Dolls, one reader at a time. We are taking charge and writing our own headlines— and the storylines that go under them. Becoming the Woman God designed you to be will cost you friends, relationships, plans and material things. Become her Anyway. You are worth LA putting it all “on the line.” Don’t let anyone or anything stop you. Don’t just dream your dreams and tuck them away out of sight—get up and make them come true. They are yours! Take hold of them now! This book is your “Dream Come True” claim ticket.