3 minute read
Positive outlook
Gently does it
Melinda Schneider’s fi ght with clinical depression has taught the country singer to lower her expectations and ease up on herself
WORDS ANNA BRAIN
Country singer Melinda Schneider celebrated her 49th birthday last year by giving a “very powerful” gift to help others; she shared her struggle with depression.
“I came out with this story on my birthday, I turned it into a liberating thing,” Melinda says.
“I’ve always said to myself that before I turn 50 I want to have integrated my offstage self with my public persona and be seen as an authentic person. That whole vulnerable person.
“It doesn’t happen quickly, it’s very scary to do this stuff.”
Fans of the famously sunny singer were quick to show their support, as she became an ambassador for the Rural Adversity for Mental Health program, linking people in rural and remote areas of NSW.
A self-confessed workaholic, Melinda had maintained a hectic pace of touring for two decades before it all became too much. She first realised something was wrong on Mother’s Day in 2018.
“At the time I didn’t realise I had depression. I knew that I felt absolutely exhausted,” she says. “For six weeks I felt worthless, defective, helpless, sad, shame, a lot of shame came up.
“I’m very hard on myself, with that critical inner voice beating myself up all the time, ‘I’m not good enough, successful enough, thin enough, earning enough, a good enough mum’. I wasn’t enough.”
After six weeks’ rest Melinda gradually got back to work, only to come unstuck again later in the year.
“I lost my old flatmate to suicide. I lost three people in a month while I was in that bout of depression, but the suicide hit me so hard. I was so low, lower than I’d ever been before, in grief as well as having clinical depression. So I went to see a psychiatrist,” she says.
“It took my friend losing his life that helped me to turn the corner. I thought that if he did that out of shame and feeling weak and all of those things men feel when they make that very final decision, I needed to learn a lesson and say it’s OK to fall down. It’s OK to feel the pressure, it’s got to be OK. I finally said to my shrink, ‘OK, I’ll go on the medication’.
“About 10 days later it kicked in and I immediately felt brighter, happier.
“The funny thing is, my psychiatrist said, ‘I heard you on the radio yesterday. I would never have guessed you had depression. See how people hide it? We all wear masks’.”
With the support of her partner, Mark, who has experienced depression himself, Melinda has worked towards finding a healthier balance for herself.
Last year she released Be Gentle on Yourself, a cathartic single focusing on the importance of selflove and self-care.
She says it’s essential to lower expectations of everyday life — but don’t drop them altogether.
With hindsight, Melinda says many factors contributed to her depression, including the pressure she felt to be “the perfect earth mother” to son Sullivan, 8.
“I had my beautiful healthy boy at 41, and breastfed him for a few years,” she says.
“I did attachment parenting. That is a really difficult way to parent. I don’t regret it for a second, but it certainly took its toll on my body.
“So he didn’t sleep through until three and a half. I was up four times a night breastfeeding him on demand. Again, not meeting my own needs.”
“If you look at my house you’ll see how messy it is. You’ll see I’ve dropped my expectations of myself,” she says with a laugh.
“Mark and I don’t hassle each other at all about mess or washing up or anything like that. We’re pretty easy on each other about that kind of thing. I think dropping expectations is really important to do when you’ve had depression. There’s nothing sensitive or gentle about high expectations. It’s really important for all of us to cut each other some slack. I think everyone’s mental health would be a lot better if we did.”
Reach out
IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW NEEDS HELP
Rural Adversity Mental Health Program ramhp.com.au Lifeline 131 114 Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 SANE Australia 1800 187 263 Beyond Blue 1300 224 636 ReachOut au.reachout.com
