4 minute read
Connected dads
in focus Fathers finding their feet
Men feeling alone or helpless in fatherhood are fi nding hope and resources through an Australian support group bringing dads closer to their kids
WORDS LIZ McGRATH
“Watching my kids grow up, having a relationship with them, having them look up to me — that’s an amazing feeling,” single dad Charles Jones says.
But the New Zealand-born police auxiliary officer from Armadale in Western Australia admits he wasn’t sure that was possible a few years ago.
“My wife walked out and left me taking the kids, and I guess I was in shock,” Charles says softly, admitting the break-up left him struggling with self-confidence as he fought to retain a connection with his two young children.
“I was ticking all of the boxes in getting them to school, making sure they had clothes, cooking their food, but I felt very much on my own,” the 39-year-old reveals.
Charles was introduced to The Fathering Project when a dads’ get-together was announced during a primary school assembly.
The not-for-profit organisation was founded by WA cancer specialist Bruce Robinson in 2013, after many of the doctor’s dying patients told him they regretted not having spent more time with their children.
“Bruce spent hundreds of hours talking to men at the end of their lives and was struck by what they said,” The Fathering Project chief executive Wayne Bradshaw says.
“It’s easy to get lost in your other roles, but what we do or don’t do as dads has an enormous impact on the happiness and health of our kids,” Wayne says.
Important influence
With two grown children, Wayne stresses he is no expert on being a dad but says he has learnt a lot since becoming involved with the organisation in 2014.
“We know fathers have significant impact on the academic and social and emotional wellbeing of their kids, with that influence lasting well into their adult lives,” Wayne says.
“Research shows that engaged dads help to reduce issues in areas like mental health, substance abuse, family and other violence, and suicide and self-harm in kids.”
With its motto of “changing kids’ lives one dad at a time”, the project runs groups at primary schools where dads can share experiences of parenting as well as play with their kids.
“It’s about creating a safe, inclusive and positive environment where dads can share and connect with each other and their kids,” Wayne says.
“Typically, men don’t communicate as well as women, and the groups give them a chance to open up. As part of that process, they begin to understand how important they are.”
Charles agrees. “I used to see other dads in the schoolyard — we’ve all been going to that school since our kids were in pre-primary — but we never really talked,” he says.
“When I went to my first event, hearing about other people’s stories, the emotional side of what had happened in their lives was a real eye-opener for me.
“All these dads you’d see and think their lives were fine, and a lot of them were having the same issues. We get our kids together, too, and they love it.”
All walks of life
The Fathering Project won the 2019 Men’s Health Award in WA, and it now operates in Victoria, Queensland and NSW following its success in the west.
There are plans to expand into schools across Australia after a $5.4 million Federal Government funding boost.
Wayne says the feedback from dads is overwhelming and that it is not just kids in fractured families or disadvantaged areas who benefit from having engaged and involved fathers.
“I remember being at one school presentation,” he recalls. “A bloke turned up and he said ‘I don’t know why I’m here, I was told to be here by my wife’, and we all had a bit of a laugh. “But by the time that father left he was totally immersed and engaged.”
For Charles, being a better dad to Alex, 9, and Tia, 10, has unexpectedly led to a better relationship with his ex-wife.
“When one parent sees the other doing positive things it helps both sides and eases the pressure,” he says. “All the focus is now on these two beautiful kids that we brought into the world, which is how it should be.” Advice
HOW TO
CONNECT WITH
YOUR KIDS
Go on “dad dates”
Learn how to listen, not lecture
Play one-on-one with each child
Be involved in your child’s school and education
Regularly tell your daughter she is beautiful inside and out
Help your children realise how special they are
Get help if you are not coping
