Sunday Girl Issue 7 by Sunday Girl Magazine

FASHION MAGAZINE FOR INTELLECTUAL GIRLS

Sund ay Girl MAGAZINE

* ZARA MARTIN *

THIS S U N DAY GIRL B E LO N G S T O .......................................

Sunday Girl

MAGAZINE

Intellectual Talk and Fashion for Girls who Don’t Follow The crowd

ISSUE 7

EDITOR | ABIGAIL DENNISON PHOTOGRAPHERS | MONTANA LOWERY, SANDRA SEATON, CHARLOTTE SUMMERS, YOONA HONG STYLISTS | KIRSTY STEWART, ALESSANDRA REMY, CHARLOTTE SUMMERS HAIR STYLISTS AND MUAS | JO HAMILTON, ANGELA LOWERY, AMY ROBSON HARBOTTLE, ALYSSA KRAUS MODELS | VALENTINA SHEMELINA @ ELITE, DEEANN SHOTTON & DAVID WEAVER @ TYNE TEES MODELS, KARA DESOUZA WRITERS | ABIGAIL DENNISON, CHARLOTTE BLACK, LIV AUCKLAND, SOPHIE PUTZE LYNSEY ROSE KAY, STEPHANIE KLEANTHOUS, CHLOE WILLIAMS, PIPPA KENT (@NOWWHATCANIEAT), CRISTINA SEGOIVA, REBECCA ROSEN MAGAZINE LAYOUT AND GRAPHIC DESIGN | ABIGAIL DENNISON WITH THANKS TO JAKE LOWES DESIGN

CONTENTS VA L E N T I N A S H E M E L I N A , Pa g e 5 A n x i e t y To o l k i t , Pa g e 1 3 Co v e r g i r l Za r a M a r t i n , Pa g e 1 9 T h a n k y o u , n e x t , Pa g e 2 9 Pr e s e n t i n g A n j l i M o h i n d r a , Pa g e 3 3 T h e N o r t h e r n S c h o o l o f A r t , Pa g e 3 9 D o u b l e l u n g t r a n s p l a n t : o n e w o m a n ’s r e c o v e r y, Pa g e 4 3 N o r t h e r n Co a s t , Pa g e 4 5 Tw i g a s : g i r l s d o i n g g o o d i n Ta n z a n i a , Pa g e 5 3 V i l l a n e l l e & f e m i n i n i t y, Pa g e 5 5 B a b y b r e a t h , Pa g e 5 9

W W W. S U N DAYG I R L M AG A Z I N E . CO M INSTAGRAM & FACEBOOK | @SUNDAYGIRLMAGAZINE H E L LO. S U N DAYG I R L M AG @ O U T LO O K . CO M PRINTED IN THE U.K.

Huge thanks to Sylvia and David Dennison, James Walton, Montana Lowery and everyone who helped us create this issue!

REPRODUCTION OF SUNDAY GIRL MAGAZINE ™ IN WHOLE OR PART IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED WITHOUT THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE EDITOR

VALENTINA SHEMELINA Photographer: Sandra Seaton - @sandraseaton Hair and Makeup: Alyssa Kraus - @ohmane Stylist: Alessandra Remy - @alessandraremy Model: Valentina Shemelina @ Elite - @shemelinaaa

Jumper: PEPE JEANS Coat: JAYLEY Jeans: 2NDDAY Heels: ESSENTIEL ANTWERP

Other page: Headband ASOS, Earrings ASOS, T-shirt NOBODYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S CHILD, Coat PIMKIE, Jeans TOMMY JEANS CAPSULE, Trainers: CONVERSE

Beret: KANGOL, Earrings: ASOS, Jumper: ASOS, Skirt: MANGO, Trainers: CONVERSE

Scarf PIECES, T-shirt PIECES, Blazer MANGO, Skirt UNIQUE 21, Heels TRUE DECADENCE

T-shirt: JUST FEMALE Dress: BEC & BRIDGE

Other page: T-shirt ASOS, Crop top EMORY PARK, Gloves BARNEYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ORIGINAL

Earrings ASOS, T-shirt ASOS, Blazer STYLEMAFIA, Socks ASOS, Trainers LOVE MOSCHINO

Say hello

Yup. One of the best tricks for dealing with anxiety is to say hello to it. Say it in your head, whisper it to yourself (my usual technique) or shout it on the tube if that works for you. By greeting the anxiety, you acknowledge its presence but don’t give it too much attention. You reduce the power it holds, and you may just fear it less. Make a mantra This is a phrase of self-kindness that you can say to yourself whenever you feel anxiety building. You might say: Hello anxiety, here you are again. This isn’t very nice, but I know that I’m safe. I’m not a failure. I got this. It also helps if you place your hand over your heart at the same time and focus on the warmth of your palm. This is a self-soothing technique. Practice saying your mantra until it’s second nature. The goal is for it to become an instinctive response to nerves or anxiety – a tool you use without even thinking about it. You can also create mantras for any uncomfortable or unpleasant feeling, like stress or physical pain. Get your boosts Build a network of people who bring love, support, and positivity to your life. Be honest with them about what you’re feeling. Ask them to send you a few encouraging messages when you’re anxious or, better yet, when you think you might be anxious later. It can be much easier to hold onto positives when they’re in front of you, especially when they come from the people you respect most. You might suggest having a code word, which simply means: I need you to be my cheerleader. In my support network we call it ‘a boost’. Remember that you are also part of their support network. Being there for your loved ones not only benefits them, but it can help you see that you are strong and resilient, no matter how fragile you might be feeling. Compassion towards yourself and others is the greatest gift. Lift each other up.

ONE DAY I WAS A FIERCE WOMAN AND THE NEXT DAY I WAS MEEK

T H E

A N X I E T Y

T O O L K I T

Three years ago, I started having multiple panic attacks a day. It felt like one day I was a determined, fierce woman and the next day I was a meek, terrified child. Once it became clear that being anxious was my new reality, I did everything I could to manage it. Scientists believe that anxiety and intelligence have evolved together to give us the best chance of survival. Both help us decide how to respond to the present, and how to prepare for the future and its possible outcomes. Those with high intelligence have a broader and deeper capacity to comprehend their surroundings, which can aid creative and intellectual endeavours. The grey cloud to that silver lining, however, is having deep emotional responses (enter, tortured artists) and a hypersensitive nervous system. That means the smarter you are, the more you’re at risk of developing anxiety and other mental health problems. For women, we’re twice as likely to be affected by anxiety than men. That’s internationally. Over the years, I’ve seen a CBT therapist, a mindfulness coach, a life coach, and a hypnotherapist. I’ve bookwormed my way through psychological studies and self-help books and diagrams of the human brain. I’ve been immensely privileged to have access to these resources – resources that should be readily available – and I’ve built a toolkit of tips and tricks to help me survive everyday life. Sometimes, this toolkit has even helped me thrive. It is possible to live with anxiety in your periphery, not with it distorting your vision. You can use this toolkit for any number of situations and can mix, match and alter them to suit you. There’s something here that everyone can add to their own toolkit, whatever the level of anxiety you’re experiencing. And remember, if something sounds a bit eclectic, just keep in mind that our brains are fantastic, magical, infinitely complex places. Sometimes we need to get a bit strange to feel more normal. So, I bestow on you the anxiety toolkit, from one anxious soul to another.

A backpack of tools I’m a Fjällräven girl, but any bag will do. Build a toolkit of physical items that help you feel more comfortable, and always carry them with you. My physical toolkit includes a hand-held fan because anxiety increases body temperature. It also causes dry-mouth and dehydration, so a water bottle and sugar-free gum are a must. Fidget cubes and anything you can divert your focus to also helps. When I was re-learning how to use public transport, I spent my bus journeys to work slowly putting on my eleven rings. And of course, you’ll want music. Build one playlist packed with songs that make you happy and remind you of good times, and one of calming, peaceful music to help you self-soothe. When you’re next anxious, try to take a mental note of your physical sensations and consider what might make you feel more comfortable. You’ll be ready for next time. Change up your senses Your brain doesn’t know the difference between a situation you are imagining, and one that’s actually happening. Modern developments in neuroscience show that if you change what your senses are experiencing, anxiety can be reduced or even fade completely. If you’re picturing stumbling and bumbling your way through a job interview, try moving the image to the other side of your mind’s eye. I see my imagined experiences in the bottom right of my mind. When I slide the image to the top left or move it further away from me, it feels less and less powerful. You can also try shrinking the image until it’s as small as a pinprick, and then inviting a happy, positive image to grow in its place. If you hear phrases when you’re anxious - I can’t do this, I’ll make a fool of myself, I’m a failure - switch those phrases to the opposite. Instead, think or say: I can and will do this. I’ll feel confident and calm. My knowledge and passion will shine through. This one, like the mantra, is about changing the messages your brain is receiving. Breathe 7-11 This is one of my newest tools, which I owe to my hypnotherapist. 7-11 means breathing in through your nose for 7 counts and out through your mouth for 11. It doesn’t need to be seconds, just keep the beat. Try to sit up straight, breathe deep into your belly, and focus on the feeling of the air rushing past your nostrils and mouth. Do this six to ten times, or as much as you need. This is another versatile trick that you can use in all kinds of situations. If work is

particularly difficult, you’re in a challenging social situation, or you’re about to take an exam, take an extra minute in the bathroom to 7-11. Ground yourself There are small, subtle things that you can do in any situation to bring you back to reality. Grounding is an amazing technique that helps your leave your mental turmoil and reconnect with the world around you. There are five steps to grounding: find five things that you can see, four things that you can feel, three sounds that you can hear, two things that you can smell, and one thing that you can taste. For grounding to work best, you’d ideally announce your findings aloud, but simply thinking I can see the clouds and I can hear the rustle of paper will still help bring you back to earth. If you’re trying keep it low-key, focus on things in your immediate experience, like the smell of your hair, the fabric of your clothes against your skin, or the lingering taste of toothpaste on your tongue. You can translate grounding techniques to everyday situations where you might be nervous. If meetings make you anxious, take lots of notes. It allows you to connect with something physical while keeping your hands busy. It doesn’t matter if the notes are futile or even illegible, just focus on the feeling of pen on paper. Celebrate every tiny victory Firstly, stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison helps no one and, in the end, it hurts you and your relationship with the world around you. When you focus on your own victories, you’ll not only build your confidence but will be able to experience true happiness for others’ journeys. To celebrate every tiny victory, try breaking down your day into only the immediate task at hand. For example, if you have an important presentation at work, you can celebrate each of the following steps: 1. I have faced the day by getting out of bed. 2. I have nurtured my brain and body by eating breakfast 3. I have looked after myself by taking a shower 4. I have prepared by dressing myself smartly 5. I have been brave and left my house, and so on. Congratulate yourself on every one of these steps. Even if you didn’t make it through all of them, you’ve still rewarded yourself along the way. Those rings I mentioned earlier? Many of them were triumphant gifts to myself after small victories. Curiosity therapy Exposure therapy has been proven to form more negative connections in your brain than positive ones. So, if there’s something you’re terrified of, forcing yourself to experience it might have an adverse effect. On the flip side, avoidance of the situation altogether can cause your fear of it to grow. I stopped travelling on trains altogether when my anxiety was at its peak and over time the concept of getting on a train seemed completely abstract. I couldn’t imagine it being something I’d ever do again. I decided to re-introduce train journeys into my life with one short trip at a time. Let’s call in Curiosity Therapy. First, it was a six-minute journey with a friend. Next, it was a fifteen-minute journey with a friend. Then, a fifteen-minute journey on my own. Each trip is only what I feel comfortable with, and there is no pressure whatsoever to do it at all. Afterwards, I feel not only a rush of pride (which is vital for rebuilding confidence) and I am able to view my anxiety with curiosity. What did that feel like? Why didn’t that work? What can I do differently next time? Be brave Lastly, be brave. It can be easy to listen to that cruel inner voice, telling you that you’re weak, pathetic or a failure for being anxious. You’re none of those things. You’re human, and that means fear is unavoidable. Invest in your mind and wellbeing. If your circumstances allow, look at mindfulness or hypnotherapy or whatever path feels right for you. Keep an open mind. Remember the journey isn’t linear, sometimes you’ll feel like you’re moving backwards again, and that’s okay. Practice compassion and kindness towards yourself and others. Re-wire that beautiful brain by changing what it sees and hears. And celebrate every little victory. There are more to come.

Words by Liv Auckland

FUL YO R E U

W WOND

WON

YOU A L U F FUL YOU R

W WO

D E R Words by Sophie Putze

/ What do you want to be remembered for?

/ Do you ever feel lonely?

ALISE H

/ What is your favourite flower?

/ We are the results of what we are taught. What if we are taught the wrong things?

REALISE

/ What is one thing you wish you’d known in your twenties?

/ Do you realise how wonderful you are?

* D O

U REALIS

/ Will I ever not feel like a fraudulent adult?

E? R A

/ At what point are you happiest?

/ When does the innate ‘zero f**** given’ mindset kick in?

DO Y * O ? E E? * DO Y

This year has been equal parts one of the hardest yet most rewarding years of my life. One thing I am continually grateful for are the conversations with all the badass women in my life. Conversation cannot be beaten-and while I no longer send 2000 texts a month (yes, that did happen circa ten years ago), I relish the chance to meet up with people over a chai, or a phone connection and natter. This piece is inspired by those conversations.

HOW TO LOVE YOU Self Dialogue 3 years ago: “Come on, Char, you’ve read about Self Love seven million times though out your life and lets be real, it’s just

for those special people that have somehow been given the gift of self acceptance and self worth that have it. Not me, not little old me, come on now. Also I’ve got to be successful, beautiful and amazing before I can even start and I am definitely not any of those things so I give up!” Honestly guys, I would skip the parts of magazines that told you that building confidence involved exercising, sleeping well, eating well and all that malarky because I didn’t believe any of it was true. I thought you either loved yourself, or you didn’t. I was convinced that it was not a choice and not something I’d ever have a say in. Oh boy how I was so, so wrong. Never did I think that exercising or sleeping properly could be part of helping me LOVE MYSELF? I thought I just wasn’t one of those people, you know, the ones who were selected to have such a gift and were so effortlessly content in themselves. Looking in the mirror I did not like what I saw growing up, and that was that. The kids at school didn’t really help either, in fact they were a huge part of my insecurities. Of course my mum always told me I was enough, and beautiful but that doesn’t really count right? Your mum is your mum, she is like conditioned to say that, right? I thought that I was just unlucky and for whatever reason that was the way I was designed to be, forever more. How SELF SABOTAGING is that? Little did I know I’d grow up to learn the best facts of life, 1. That Self Love is REAL, 2. That I would learn to love myself and 3. That I’d actually start to feel AMAZING based on nothing but the things I tell myself every day, the people I let into my happy bubble and the actions I take daily to create my dream world, which I’m currently laying down the foundations of. I’ve not got it completely sorted. But It’s a work in progress and it’s honestly one of the best processes I’ve ever discovered or been through. I know some of you are probably thinking, yeah okay thats you but what about ME, I’m this and this and this and I could never feel that way, this is just another article that yet again I cannot relate to. Humpf… Snap out of that, even just for a second. This article is for YOU, because you are absolutely outstanding and you are worth more than you could ever imagine. And I want to help you move your butt step by step to actually BELIEVE THIS and start implementing it into your daily life. (I would have rolled my eyes at this 3 years ago) but here I am, writing this because I believe it more than ever. 1.Take note of your negative self talk. We have 35,000 thoughts a day …MAD RIGHT!?…and a lot of them can be pretty damn nasty, but because they are inside our heads and not outside our heads it doesn’t matter because no one can hear them? WRONG. You can hear them, and you are the only person who’s going to hear them every day for the rest of your life! It’s so easy to be negative towards ourselves because it seems to be more socially acceptable? Which is bizarre because surely we should support each other supporting ourselves!? I got so used to saying the same things to myself that I started to believe them, and it became my reality. I was so surprised just how quickly I could turn that around by being kind to myself, constantly. 2. Self love doesn’t mean perfection - this is something I am still working on. To me, Self Love means really valuing what you have to offer, being comfortable and committed to the process and the journey of liking yourself. It means accepting you for who you are and taking ownership of that. I thought obtaining Self Love would arrive when I reached a level of success and perfection and that suddenly and all at once there would be SO MUCH LOVE IN ME. But what If you could have self love throughout the whole process. What if we could feel like magic more days than not instead of when we become that person we envision being in the future. Surely reaching our end goal can’t only be the moment we finally deserve to love ourselves? You can absolutely commit to loving yourself throughout the journey, not just when you reach your destination. 3. Your journey will be different to the person next to you, and thats okay. Depending on the way we were brought up, the things we experienced as a child, or at school can really have a say in how much we value ourselves. You may feel some people just love themselves so naturally, and for them, that is amazing! However, we aren’t all the same and although we all came into this word the same way, we have all lived completely different lives. It’s okay that it may take you a few years to finally love the skin your in, it’s okay if your friends got there before you, it really doesn’t matter. All that truly matters is your journey of self care and how much love you reinvest back into your life. For me, it’s a lifelong journey and I really believe i’ll learn more and more as I go on. I have not set it as a destination, but more as a commitment to my present self and my future self, to be as kind to my heart as possible. 4. You don’t have to change your life over night I have read so many self help books and so many of them promise you that you can change your life over night. I’m not saying you can’t, because you can absolutely have a revelation that triggers you to make long-lasting permanent life changes, however from that moment forward it is a journey that will have its ups and downs, tests and triggers. It’s perfectly okay to have a few months that you feel AMAZING and completely unstoppable, they are real and they count! But it’s also okay to have set backs, to have days or weeks where you feel like all your hard work, isn’t actually working. It’s in these moments, where the biggest internal change takes place. When you fall back, remind yourself that it is normal, and it is okay to have bad days, set backs and struggles. That is just another opportunity to grow and to learn from your circumstances and habits. There is no limit to how many times you can reinvent yourself and your life! It’s a process you can re write over and over again until you find new habits that feel a little less like pressure and a lot more like home. You are invaluable, and endlessly loved. Words by Charlotte Black, Self Love London - @selflovelondon Graphics by Jake Lowes - @Jakelowesdesign

ZARA MARTIN

Pink Dress - Keepsake Boots - Aquazzura

international girl of the now

Zara Martin is best-known as a DJ, model and designer but there’s so much more to come. With an Economics degree to her name, Zara is the millennial influencer to watch, whether she’s behind the decks at London Fashion week or speaking up for diversity. We caught up with her to see what’s next for this global trendsetter. Can you tell us a little bit about your career journey? I REALLY wanted to be a TV presenter. But after doing a few shows and my last one on SKY I sort of fell out of love with it (I think I probably sucked at it LOL) so I decided to focus on the DJing full-time. Along with that I also brought out a line of headphones in collaboration with Skinnydip which were available worldwide. What do you feel about the inequality in the industry? I mean where do I even start? Do you wanna have a seat? Lol this could take a while. If you’re talking about racial diversity - honestly, I still feel like there is a long way to go. If you’re talking about body diversity - I also think there is a way to go. The fact that it’s a “thing” demonstrates that diversity still isn’t normalised in the fashion industry. Diversity has kind of become this buzz word that brands and press have jumped on, and while I do think there are positives to it, I wonder if it just going to be another trend? I was flicking through a magazine the other day and was surprised to find the very few models of colour were the ones in the adverts, which was disappointing and sad. With regards to body positivity I think it’s great that we have role models like Ashley Graham who I adore, I love that the emphasis is now on being strong and healthy, whatever shape that takes. It’s just bizarre we still have events like the Victoria’s Secret fashion show and the hysteria around it that then basically tells us the opposite - you need to be deathly skinny (but with abs), 5'11 with fake boobs to be beautiful. The current climate it’s very confusing for young women. Movements like Jameela Jamil’s I Weigh are extremely important for spreading the broader message to women to say let’s stop focusing solely on what we look like and focus on doing something to change the world!

Pink Suit - Baum Und Pferdgarten Zebra Top - Topshop

Can you tell us about any of your challenges you have had to face? I am of mixed heritage, my mother is Indian - I still don’t see many girls on tv, in movies or in magazines or on billboards that I can relate to. I often get comments like “everyone is into diversity right now, you must be getting loads more work” which I just find mind-blowing on so many levels. I’m not going to sit here and give you a sob story - I’ve had a great career, opened doors I never thought would open for me. But, there are still some that are firmly shut. The fact that I’m on the cover or your magazine is a milestone. So, thank you. We love you Zara! What’s next for you? Acting! Starting with a really exciting project out next year which is whole heartedly embracing DIVERSITY with an incredible cast. What’s your absolute favourite piece in your wardrobe? I honestly don’t think I have one. I am so fickle with my clothes/shoes/bags. I’m much more attached to jewellery. Your career has been incredible, has their been any, “pinch me moments”? So many. At times you literally couldn’t script it. I’m so lucky to have travelled the world, lots of times with my best friend Whinnie Williams who I sometimes DJ with, playing at the most ridiculous events and causing chaos. I mean I never thought I would have gone to Azerbaijan.. I’ve been twice! What’s your advice to anyone looking to follow your footsteps? I feel like social media is killing careers - so either conform, or be a rebel!

“I often get comments like ‘everyone is into diversity right now, you must be getting loads more work’ which I just find mindblowing on so many levels.”

Green Tartan Suit - Baum Und Pferdgarten Shoes - Aquazzura

*ZARA MARTIN*

Coat - Saks Potts Leopard Heels - Aquazzura

Sunglasses: Nastygal Pink Fur: Keepsake Top: Wildfox Couture Skirt: Topshop

“If you’re talking about racial diversity, I still feel like there is a long way to go. If you’re talking about body diversity, I also think there is a way to go.”

*ZARA MARTIN* Photographer: Montana Lowery Stylist: Kirsty Stewart Assistant: Danielle Timperley Hair: Angela Lowery MUA: Jo Hamilton Shot at Stepthirtyone Studio

Coat - Saks Potts

WHY OH WHY DO WE FEEL SO GUILTY ABOUT PRESSING UNFRIEND?

IN DEFENCE OF HITTING DELETE X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

He broke your heart. You’ve not been friends since school. You don’t like their angry political opinions. You never really knew them (other than when you were both queuing in the loos, and bonded over your shared love of Caitlin Moran). That was the beginning and end of the friendship and five years later you’ve seen her graduate, her holiday in New York and two relationships begin and end. So why oh why do we feel so guilty about pressing unfriend, unfollow and deleting person X from our following list? It popped into my head as my ex-friends popped onto my timeline, my Insta-feed and into my messages. I had broken up with them in person. It wasn’t meant to be, and I had the relief of knowing I wouldn’t have to see them again. Why would I want to see the people who had hurt me? Isn’t that what a break up is for? So why was I continuing to let them in online? I felt guilty. Nobody wants to seem like the bad guy. It’s hard to be the one to cut ties. After all if no one really knows who’s done what, in love or in friendship, then it’s as if you’re making it pretty obvious who the bad guy is. It’s you the one who chose to close the door. Or for the friend from school who you don’t dislike but you aren’t particularly fond of either, it feels like you’re potentially giving them the dreaded “have I been deleted?” moment, if (let’s be honest here) they even notice. It can seem dramatic. Or so they say. Especially in a group chat scenario. It can look like you’re shouting out your departure on speakerphone, as the group chats announces that you have “left the conversation”. If only you could just buck-up, stop being such a baby and scroll past the picture of them at the pub quiz last night; and the glossy-magazine-esque photo of him with his new her. Finally, perhaps most importantly: it’s hard to let go. Whether this be for FOMO (fear of missing out) reasons because everyone loves a good Insta-stalk; or because at one point in time you were sending each other GIFs every day, and now the sight of her going for a walk to the countryside, fills you with sadness. “It used to be me,” you think, or “why are they happy whilst I’m sat here miserable?” But I guess, these points only make it more clear to me that the answer is to delete. The ‘what if they notice?’ The ‘what if I look like a bitch?’ and the ‘what if I miss out?’ It’s a lot of guesswork and wondering about a bunch of people, who are causing you at best boredom, or at worst pain. I have some good news for you. Their social media existence is not about you; and luckily yours is not about them. Since when was it dramatic to take yourself away from a situation that hurts you? Isn’t it more dramatic to stay friends with people who upset you and then constantly complain about it? Shouldn’t we feel guilty about rolling our eyes at someone we’re bored with online, who’s just trying to express themselves? And shouldn’t we stop scrolling past what makes us sad? - If you hadn’t seen her in that fabulous outfit, you wouldn’t be crying on the floor wondering why she’s not your friend anymore. But you did and now you are. These people could have been nobodies that you feel a bit rude to, or they could be the old loves of your life but if they’re making you unhappy it’s time to unfriend. It’s taking away the intended purpose of all the apps we know and love, the social side. Without the posts that cause us stress, we could allow more room for the online social interactions that are genuine, and you could feel free in a space to be yourself, if it’s a space filled with those you love. Sure, there are more things we could all be doing, we could spend less time on our phones, we could delete some apps altogether, and we could deal with our jealousy and self worth issues. But as a first step, a simple one, one that’s not about hurting others just about protecting yourself we could simply, do it with me now: hit delete.

By Lynsey Rose Kay

THANK YOU, NEXT e v o l h t Wi xoxo

ONE SMALL STEP FOR GIRL, ONE GIANT STEP FOR GIRLHOOD

NEGGING is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator’s approval. The purpose of this piece is to introduce ‘negging’, or, if you are already aware of the term, to explain further and call out the men that think they are doing this unnoticed. Seeing as there are many guides on how to neg a woman (I am not joking), there needs to be more articles on how to look out for it, shut it down and also just for men to stop doing it. We were always told if a male is ‘mean’ to you it means he likes you, so I guess this is the perfect way to perpetuate this idea. Of course, modern women are very much aware that this is definitely not the case. Negging is a form of emotional manipulation where men give back-handed compliments as a way of flirting in an attempt to make us feel vulnerable. The desired outcome? To undermine a woman’s confidence. Most see it as a way of ‘picking up women’ but honestly, this could happen months or years into a relationship purely to keep or bring you down. You know, just in case you become too confident. For some, it’s not always an easy thing to pick up on. You may even think this is just how this particular man is, he ‘doesn’t realise’ he’s actually insulting you. Perhaps he ‘didn’t mean it’ or perhaps you’ve just gotten so used to it. The comment or comments still stuck with you though, right? It’s hard to shake an insult and not let it ferment in the back of your mind. Men know this. Never blame their negging on their character because there is simply no justifying it. So, I have a question, ladies, has a man ever said any of the following to you or something along these lines? Men, have you ever said the following to a woman? (These are all quotes I have either heard myself or the sensational women in my life have sent me to help me write this). ‘Wow, you’re so pretty – even without makeup!’ This one is a personal favourite of mine. Is it such a shocking thing to find us attractive without makeup? It’s also backhanded with the addition of the ‘even’. This is in so many songs which has completely normalised comments like this. ‘I know not many people like stretch marks but I’ve always thought they’re cool.’ No one cares, no one asked you and no one else brought up the fact that other people do or do not like them. It’s as though they want you to feel uncomfortable around other men because of your stretch marks – but don’t worry! All is not lost because this man is crazy about them! ‘You look so much better without all that makeup, you should wear less.’ Because, obviously, we value your opinion over our own. Some women enjoy wearing makeup, some women don’t. I’ll keep doing me and you keep doing you… away from me. ‘You’re really attractive for someone of your race/ethnic

minority.’ Ah, yes, because there’s only one set standard idea of beauty. ‘Do you find men are often intimidated by you because you’re so tall? Well I’m not.’ Thank god! My hero! For my bisexual ladies out there, or even just gay women that get harassed by men, ‘But you don’t look like a lesbian? You’re so pretty. Are you sure?’ Because don’t we all need a man to tell us what our sexuality must be based on our appearance? ‘You’re probably so self conscious about it but I really like the gap between your front teeth.’ Hold on a hot minute there, baby. No one in this vicinity is self conscious about their gap. In fact, you’re one of many that enjoys this gap. Keep up. ‘I can see how big your stomach is in those trousers… it’s fine though. You shouldn’t care.’ This is a quote from an ex-boyfriend of mine. Lovely, isn’t it? Especially when no one asked for an opinion. This next one is something that someone replied to my Snapchat story with, ‘You’ve got a big chin.’ This is true. I do. I also no longer care. I know you’re probably thinking, how is that negging? Well, I obviously replied with ‘what the f***’ and I was then met with ‘it’s a good thing’. On what planet is this a ‘good thing’? Maybe it’s not even a negative thing… but why is it even a thing? The point is, he tried to draw attention to something I’ve previously been insecure about and followed it up by saying he likes it. The response I’m sure he was expecting was ‘aw, thanks!’ However, this is not how I work. This is not how you should work either. Shut these men down. Run for the hills! Whatever it takes to steer clear of manipulative snakes. I’m sure we could come up with many more examples but hopefully you all get the gist. Not only are statements like these potentially damaging to a woman’s confidence but they keep the idea that a woman’s value is solely based on her appearance ubiquitous. We are so much more than that. We are intelligent, hilarious, creative and we LOVE being ‘like other girls’ – but that’s a story for another day, isn’t it, ladies? I’ve read other pieces on how to spot these men and hopefully this article does this, however, I am sick of the answer being to teach women how to be careful, how to have our guards up when it’s problems that men have created. So how about you, as men, stop this ridiculous, insidious behaviour. It’s ugly, unattractive and I’m here to call you the f*** out. It’s 2019, baby, we out here validating ourselves! by Stephanie Kleanthous

Illustration by Ana Hard www.anahard.com @anahardesign

ANJLI MOHINDRA ANJLI MOHINDRA ANJLI MOHINDRA ANJLI MOHINDRA ANJLI MOHINDRA

Anjli Mohindra. Remember her name as this girl’s going to be a big deal. She recently starred as Nadia in hit BBC thriller Bodyguard (the most-watched UK drama in a decade) and has so many things lined up in the near future! Anjli grew up in Nottingham and trained at The Television Workshop – an East Midlands-based training centre for young acting talent. Having always had the desire to be an actor, she made the decision in her teen years after admiring Samantha Morton in Sweet and Lowdown, Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society and Sophie Okenedo in Skin. From her first experience of being on set she was hooked to the working environment, camaraderie, and the buzz of location filming. She recently won a place on the Royal Court Writers Programme and is looking to develop her voice as a new writer. We caught up with Anjli for a chat about her role in the bodygaurd and her exciting career! Why did you decide to pursue acting as your career?

know realise I was the actor in the role- their reactions have been brilliant!

I've been a huge lover of stories since as far back as I can remember. When I realised you could be a part of the telling of them, and inhabit this world of make-believe, it became the only thing I wanted to do!

How did you prepare for such a part like that?

Can you tell us a little bit about your journey into acting? I trained at the Television Workshop in Nottingham, it has produced some incredible actors and has close links to the industry in terms of casting directors and producers regularly tapping into its pool of talent. I auditioned for a place there and took part in the yearly plays and showcases, and it was at one of those that I was lucky enough to be spotted by an acting Agent. Everything has developed from there. What do you feel about the inequality in the industry? There are issues with inequality in the industry with regards to race and gender. There is a conscious movement towards opening this up- but there’s a long way to go yet. It does stand out when we see female leads or female duos because it has been a long time coming, and pay gaps are starting to become exposed. But personally for me, it isn't until we see lots more non-Caucasian lead characters in central roles that we really will be making waves. Often the ethnic-minority characters are in the periphery roles- to make up quotas- maybe that’s because there's a fear that we're not as relatable to a British audience - but films like Crazy Rich Asians, Black Panther and To All the Boys I've Loved Before are revealing that that’s not the case! Can you tell us about any of your challenges you have had to face? Until now I feel like I've had fewer opportunities that my Caucasian actor friends and with the big gaps between those auditions it's tricky to keep motivated and driven - I'm a real do-er! It's been a challenge navigating my ability to feel positive but I've found some great ways to keep my mood up- like running, and writing and starting a movie club with my best friend. The real gage of success for me- is in feeling good between acting rolesand I do feel like I'm really getting there! You recently starred in the Bodyguard, what’s it been like being a part of the biggest show in the U.K.? It's nearly impossible to predict the success of a show so we really didn't see it coming in the way it did! It's amazing- a real pinch me experience. My character in it is completely different to me in many ways but most especially in the way she holds herself and looks- so when people I don't

“Anjli Mohindra deserves special recognition for that amazing transformation, a reverse superhero, and for a fabulously evil future ahead of her in Bodyguard – cast against type, as the best villains sometimes are” — The Independent

I write character biographies for the parts I play- I try to imagine what life is like for them and why they want what they do- I like to steep myself in their world and in their circumstances. When my prep work goes well it doesn't feel like performing but more like living the characters’ lives for those hours!

“Full credit in particular to Anjli Mohindra, who played Nadia and who managed to say so much with her eyes throughout the series. From the terrified naivety she presented at the start, to the calculated zealotry she revealed at the end. ” — The Guardian

What’s next for you? I have a couple of things coming out in the next few months, an ITV series called Dark Heart, a part in Channel 4's The Bisexual and I played a Radio Director called Tara Lohia in a ghost story set in a recording studio with the amazing Simon Callow called The Dead Room. But beyond that the road is open and I'm really excited to see what comes in! What’s your absolute favourite part you’ve played? That’s a really difficult question! I've just played a troublemaking character called Punk Charlie in American TV Show 'Legends of Tomorrow' and as her name suggests she is a true 1960's punk, with the fishnets, Doc Martin's and leather skirts. She was SO much fun to play. Your career has been incredible, have there been any, “pinch me moments”? Thank you. I feel incredibly fortunate to be doing what I love. It's a very up-and-down career and there are definitely some low points but some incredible pinch-me-moments too! I think for the last four parts I've played, I've shrieked when the good news about landing the job has come in. What’s your advice to anyone looking to follow in your footsteps? It's certainly not a walk in the park. I think when I first started I expected it to all happen really quickly and for me to be rubbing shoulders with Hollywood greats overnight. It's a marathon, not a sprint, and behind all those 'overnight-success-stories' are lots of rejections that a lot of people don't see. My advice would be that if you love acting and want to do it with all your heart, don't give up, that life-changing role could be just around the corner. Get involved with as much of it as you can, whether that's a school acting club or local group- the more you do it, the better you get and if you work at it and continue to grow- the opportunities will come!

PHOTOGRAPHER MONTANA LOWERY

GO GET ‘EM If you want to be the head photographer for an international fashion brand, designing prints for Anthropologie, the head costume designer for the newest J.K. Rowling smash, or maybe you want to be the editor of the next coolest indie mag on the shelf; The Northern School of Art is THE place to study in the U.K for up and coming global creatives. With students and alumni from L.A. to Asia, the school’s charm speaks for itself, without even mentioning the calibre of professionals it has nurtured. From Ridley Scott to Boo George, the alumni who have walked the corridors, as bright eyed teens, have gone on to accomplish astonishing things. You are next. The art school is situated in the seaside town of Hartlepool on the North East coast, which has superb links to major cities like Manchester and Newcastle; maybe a weekend in London sounds good? Jump on a train and you’ll be at Kings Cross station, London in 2.5hrs. What to study? Fashion, Costume design, Textiles & Surface Design, Photography, Illustration, Graphic Design, Advertising for Digital Design, Film and TV studies... the list goes on (check out the full list of courses on their website!) There’s endless options and each individual course is incredibly special, highly commended and taught at the highest standard.

DO SOMETHING TODAY YOUR FUTURE SELF WILL THANK YOU FOR

THE NORTHERN SCHOOL OF ART

But don’t just take our word for it, the school has regular open days where you can take a tour around the state of the art campus which is full of the highest standard of industry facilities, meet the professionals who’ll be teaching your course and the day will even help you narrow down exactly which course is perfect for you. Check out the next open day at the school’s website - www.northernart.ac.uk SUNDAY GIRL’S ADVICE FROM THE EDITOR: The Northern School of Art is a place very close to my heart. I knew I wanted to work in the creative and fashion industry from a super young age and after getting my degree and working hard to get where we are today - the most important factor in any kind of happieness and success is support. Without support and guidence, the path is a lot more bumpy. The school’s Vice Principal, Pat Chapman is a guru of employability, he is dedicated to guiding you throughout and beyond your studies; this is pretty special and rare. P.S. the course leader of Costume Design made the Spice Girl’s costumes - YES, REALLY.

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KITTY O’NEIL EMPOWERED WOMEN EMPOWER WOMEN Kitty O’Neil was a record breaking stuntwoman, known as the Deaf Daredevil, she broke land-speed records and equality barriers. Being set on fire and leaping off a hotel balcony were occupational hazards during her career as a fearless stuntwoman and speed racer. Her greatest adventure came on December 6, 1976, in the Alvord Desert, a dry lake bed at the foot of a mountain in Oregon, where she became the world’s fastest woman. O’Neil was also the first woman to join the Hollywood stunt agency Stunts Unlimited, Stockard Channing played her in a 1979 TV movie called Silent Victory: The Kitty O’Neil Story, and she was Lynda Carter’s stunt double on 1970s TV series Wonder Woman. Barbie also brought out a Kitty O’Neil Barbie doll. Having lost her hearing when she was 5 months old, this woman is a superhero in her own right. Kitty died on 2nd November 2018, and we are honoured to celebrate her amazing life.

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Most people couldn’t imagine their life hanging in the balance aged 27 but a little over 18 months ago this was my reality. I was waiting for a double lung transplant, after living with Cystic Fibrosis since birth, and without it I am fairly sure I wouldn’t be here today. Thankfully I did get the chance to live, many don’t. My donor, younger even in age than me but whose family made the selfless decision, in choosing to say yes to organ donation allowed my life to continue.

N O I T A N O D N A G OR E F I L Y M SAVED DOUBLE LUNG I WAS WAITING FOR A DOUBLE LUNG TRANSPLANT, AFTER LIVING WITH CYSTIC FIBROSIS SINCE BIRTH

While surgery like this, or any life changing events, obviously comes with a whole host of considerations for me the ones I often found the hardest were those which took me by surprise, the less medically related, more individual and less easy to predict. They weren’t the huge ones; the cancer diagnosis (thankfully caught and treated early), the adjustment to the need to follow an even stricter and lifelong medical regime, the multiple hospital appointments. Not that I’m going to pretend they were easy but these were the ones with specialist teams on hand to guide you, to offer advice and insight from the many patients before. it was the adjustments in food, working habits, shopping habits, my emotional state and my aspirations for my long term future on a practical level that I have found, and I’m sure will continue to find, often knock me the most – the adjustments to life as most people know it. Getting back to ‘normal’ was immensely important. But what was normal? Probably not my life pre transplant where despite struggling with my ever increasing health issues even a few months prior to the operation I had been working 9-5 or in reality 8-6, living with a friend from university and like most twenty somethings living in London spending any of my wage that didn’t go on rent, bills and public transport on going out, eating, drinking, holidays and shopping. As soon as it was conceivable post-surgery, and probably even before then, I was itching to return to my life, to move in with my then boyfriend, now fiancé, and grow into our lives together, to go shopping with my friends and go out for meals and drinks. I was so aware that at some points this opportunity had hung on a thread and now that thread was becoming stronger I was keen to move on from the tough times and enjoy it.

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Sometimes it was the simplest things would catch me off guard. For example, the first time I properly opened my wardrobe post op, not just for a clean pair of pyjamas or a pair of jeans and a trusty Breton top (my recovery staple for months) but when I actually wanted to get dressed, I realised that the majority of my tops and dresses showed the large 10 inch scar down my chest. It was approaching summer and I didn’t want to have to wrap up yet the while I would never be ashamed of my scar; it shows the journey I have been on, I don’t always want to be reminded or for others, strangers or otherwise, to see it. It’s something I am sure many people would brush aside as a minor insecurity, but walking into clothes shops I now discount probably 50% of clothes due to the neckline. Next time you go into a shop look around. In your immediate sight how many things are v necked, low cut or strappy? It’s not something you notice until you can’t wear these things anymore and while I know others don’t or can’t wear certain things and it’s a choice I’m making not one being made for me it’s a point in my recovery journey no doctor would ever discuss. Just one small example but maybe a little more relatable then some of the ‘bigger’ issues and while “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” that well known phrase, could so easily be applied and might make it seem ridiculous that faced with transplant recovery, and everything that comes with it, that I was worrying about the cut of my top, if people would notice my scar, where I could or couldn’t go on holiday in the future and what I could eat but the reality is that this stuff matters. The small stuff is what makes us who we are regardless of what we have been through. I will be forever in debt to the strangers who allowed me to worry about these little things by saying yes to organ donation. If you haven’t already please think about if you would do the same, chat to your family and friends or register as an organ donor online. It might not be the easiest conversation but it could save lives.

Words by Pippa Kent (@nowwhatcanieat)

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Chintz Hair Salon 35 YEARS OF BEAUTIFUL HAIR Chintz Hair Salon is an award winning hair salon in the north east of England and celebrates their 35th anniversary on the 13th December 2018. Chintz has established itself as a salon driven by excellent customer service, beautiful hair, cruelty free organic products and a professional team of hair experts. With customers all over the globe, Chintz has served those who are serious about good hair since 1983 and is dubbed as the go-to salon of the north. From on-trend fashion shoots featured in high end magazines, celebrity hairdressing and bespoke weddings, the Chintz team continue to provide a showstopping portfolio of clients and always deliver the best hair care. Chintz is the appointed hair salon in the north east for Davines, Olaplex and Secret Hair Extensions. Whether youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been a client for 35 years or youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a newbie looking for a salon with a difference, you will be welcomed and pampered and your hair will certainly thank you! We are extremely proud to link up with Chintz for this issue and make sure to head over to their Instagram and Facebook to see the beautfiul work produced by the team and for all the updates and latest news! Social Media: @Chintzhairsalon To call: 01642 221401 | 01642 243177 Chintz, 47 Newport Road, Middlesbrough, TS1 1LB

Photography & Styling : Charlotte Summers Models: Deeann Shotton & David Weaver @ Tyne Tees Models Hair & Make Up: Amy Robson Harbottle

The Oxford Dictionary defines the word charity as “An organization set up to provide help and raise money for those in need”. I couldn’t agree more, however, I think charity is also a celebration of human compassion something which in recent times can feel slightly lacking. In the days of Trump, the refugee crisis and god knows the list goes on I find it admirable and exciting to meet people who are interested in change. And so I introduce Lara and Sandrine Denti, the founders of Twigas’House; a non- profit non-governmental Swiss organisation aiming to change the lives of vulnerable children in Tanzania. By building an orphanage in the rural town of Gairo these powerhouse sisters plan to give 24 children (to start with!) a safe and stable environment to grow.

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TWIGAS’HOUSE; a non- profit non-governmental Swiss organisation aiming to change the lives of vulnerable children in Tanzania.

When was the idea of Twigas’House born? Sandrine: For this, we have to delve back into the past. In 2012 I visited Tanzania and by chance ended up in a small town called Gairo. It was there that I met our partner Chacha (the town pastor and founder of Bethel Orphan Support Centre) and was introduced to his incredible work. In 2012, the Bethel Centre was hosting 207 children each Saturday to teach them about values and self-care and to provide them with a meal, they did this in one room with a maximum of 2 staff members. I remember so clearly watching all 207 children entering the classroom in silence and staring at me, it was at that moment that my life changed. When I returned home I told my sister everything and we booked our flights for the following year. Lara: In 2016 whilst studying for our masters in London we really started thinking about Gairo and the possibility of a charity project and the yearning to help and return to Tanzania became stronger and stronger. So, we booked another trip to familiarizes ourselves with the environment, the legalities etc. and Twigas’House was born. Funds were raised, construction was started and here we are 1 year in. What would you say is your biggest challenge within this project? Lara: The distance and keeping the communication open on both sides. Not in technical terms, there are phones and internet, it’s about different cultures. Sandrine even moved to Tanzania for 8 months at the beginning of the construction and still had to work hard at communication. Sandrine: To always keep in mind that this is a partnership. Let me explain… The foundation of this charity is the partnership between us and The Bethel Centre. It’s their ideas and their wishes, they know their community best and so we always need to ask “how can we best support them according to their needs”? What’s surprised you the most about this project? Sandrine: The commitment and honesty of everyone involved. Lara: I truly believe that people are good inside but it can certainly be hard to remain humane and optimistic in the world today. I’ve found watching the commitment and progression in the project really has confirmed that goodness does exist. Now, for the reason you’re there… What challenges do the children in Gairo face?

Lara: There are two parts to this answer; the one that the children see and the one from an outsiders prospective. The obvious one is a limited access to even the most basic needs; healthcare, water and nutrition. It creates a cycle of poverty. A lack of water leads to uncleanliness which leads to health issues and insufficient nutrition means it’s harder to fight for their mental and physical wellbeing. The wheel is constantly spinning. And for me, at the end of it, one bowl of porridge a day isn’t enough. Sandrine: Secondly, we are in the context of extreme poverty and so any challenges are not comparable to the west. However, we notice that as soon as you can start walking you take on a responsibility of work, given this the children aren’t having their childhood. Wow, so with that in mind where do you even start? Lara: You start with the most obvious and urgent, filling the humanitarian part first and then the dream is to expand that. As of mid 2018 the amount of children visiting the centre on Saturday’s has increased to 326. With that many vulnerable children, how will you choose who will stay at Twigas’House? Sandrine: We are not in the position to choose, it’s not our role and it requires a lot of legalities. That decision will mainly involve the authorities and Chacha. What’s your favourite part of working with children? Sandrine: Teaching and watching the speed at which they learn. You take a map into a classroom, show them somewhere and a month later they can tell it’s exact point. Witnessing childhood is a joy, similar to the western world when a kid actually puts the iPad down and goes to play on the swing. Any final words? Lara: I think, when you start a project like this it’s hard to see if these little steps will make an impact. There are 30,000 people in Gairo, however there are 55 million in Tanzania and that’s only one country. What about the needs of everyone else in the world?! You start thinking ‘Omg I’m doing this for 24 children is it really going to do anything?’ But actually, yes, it is. www.twigashouse.ch @twigashouse (Instagram) Words by Cristina Segovia

VILLANELLE and the dangers of underestimating femininity in Killing Eve You’ve heard it all before countless times: “Strong female character.” More times than not it’s a saying that refers to a female character that’s shown doing un-female things – for instance wearing clothes that aren’t seen as feminine or engaging in dangerous activities which has traditionally been reserved for male characters. While this kind of character might initially sound progressive, that isn’t always the case. Often it means that writers give their female characters more traditionally masculine traits while at the same time rejecting everything feminine (since that’s generally seen as a weakness). Over the years we’ve, thankfully, seen portrayals of women that break out of that box, and cat-and-mouse thriller drama Killing Eve is one of them. On one side we’ve Eve (Sandra Oh), a bored MI5 officer whose desk job doesn’t fulfil her inner dreams of being a spy. On the other side we’ve Villanelle (Jodie Comer), a talented assassin that in many ways is everything Eve has waited for. It’s easy to declare Killing Eve as revolutionary because of its women that are put in positions we’re used to see occupied by men, but this series deserves more than solely the “female version of something otherwise male” as its selling point. In the centre stand two complicated, fearless and intelligent women that many people would describe as not “ladylike” – but they never sacrifice their femininity for the more masculine traits. They are aware of the fact that they don’t have to choose to be either this or that; they can be whoever they want to be. While Villanelle is seen using her femininity as a weapon, she never rejects it as a weakness and she isn’t solely being feminine when it suits her. In Villanelle we’ve a character that embodies both masculine and feminine traits in everything she does. We’re first introduced to Villanelle in Vienna where she’s walking out of an ice cream parlour, smiling, after deliberately knocking down a little girl’s ice cream. Not only is Villanelle literally killing in her work, she’s also dressed to kill in a wardrobe full of labels such as Miu Miu, Prada and Balenciaga. She does appreciate the beautiful things in life - be it luxurious clothes, fine jewellery or seductive perfumes – which can be translated to that she appreciate the more traditionally feminine things in life. Even though Killing Eve is more like a fashion show than the occasional nice piece of clothing, the pink Molly Goddard organza dress she wears while being mentally assessed is a favourite. The fact that the dress is paired with a pair of bulky black boots makes it even better, since it’s a great contrast to the character that is Villanelle. It’s a mixture of traditional femininity and traditional masculinity. Furthermore the room she sits in is dominantly neutral in colours while she’s sitting on a blue couch – a colour often stereotypically associated with men – with her big feminine pink dress. It’s almost like her version of

manspreading. She’s not moving, adapting or belittling herself - no matter if it’s when she’s sitting in front of men that evaluate her or if it’s about every man in the world that underestimates her. However, in Killing Eve accessories also plays a big part. When Villanelle infiltrates a mansion in Tuscany and kills her male victim, she does so by stabbing him in the eye with a golden hairpin that doubles as a poison-filled syringe. The male victim doesn’t suspect her and before the attack he sees her more like a potential sexual conquest than a dangerous threat. Furthermore, the fact that her weapon of choice isn’t a masculine gun but something pretty, intimate and feminine is something no one, especially not a man, would suspect. In another episode Villanelle kills a woman, after telling her a story of her dreams, by letting her victim smell a perfume bottle that’s filled with a poisonous content. This is what Villanelle does. When she isn’t disguised in a stereotypical feminine role – such as a waitress or nurse – she adds stereotypical feminine traits. She gets emotional and let tears escape her eyes while telling engaging stories. These things allow Villanelle to appear less threatening to her targets. There’s no doubt at all about the fact that Villanelle is violent; she stabs, bites, poisons, shoots and fights. However, why are there so many discussions about why she is doing what she does and, in particular, why she doesn’t seem to care more? Why do we have this strong desperate need to understand Villanelle when we rarely question why her male counterparts do the exact same things? We’re so used to seeing male characters and men engage in violence on-screen that we usually don’t even question them. “It’s just entertainment”, we declare. I highly appreciate the writers of Killing Eve for not trying to rationalize Villanelle’s behaviour or trying to make her more likeable to suit the more accepted standards for women. Everything isn’t perfect with these women – no matter if they’re deadly or not – but it’s real. Even though Villanelle doesn’t fit the stereotypical female characterization of someone that’s “likeable”, it’s almost impossible to not root for her. She’s unconventional and she stands out, but, at the same time, she isn’t that different from the rest of us. All she wants is to have someone to watch movies with and, truth be told, isn’t that what we all want? Villanelle is feminine but she’s also tough, and her violent side doesn’t make her any less feminine. In Killing Eve femininity isn’t seen as a weakness, it’s something to take pride in – whatever form you choose. However, maybe above all, Killing Eve is unapologetic. Beneath all the violence, there are real life lessons to learn from Villanelle. Like the fact that the next time you look at yourself in your mirror you should tell yourself that you’re beautiful. Furthermore, she isn’t anybody’s pumpkin, she’s her own – as should you be.

words by Rebecca Rosen

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31 SUNDAZE everyone is trying to do something worth remembering.

SUNDAY

Every summer day has two days in one. There is one part in which you go to the beach, get lunch, or pick strawberries. All of this done in the heat of the day when everyone is trying to do something worth remembering. Then thereafter you return to your home and it seems around 4 o’clock the whole world is getting a moment to itself, maybe even a nap, before they awaken to the second day held within another. This is where there are dinner parties, family gatherings, laying on the beach in the colder sand, nightly embraces of the heart. On this day the second one came earliest of the summer, at 1 o’clock. No one was out, everyone had retreated inside to be alone, the streets were empty, it was the second sunday in August. I grabbed my keys, a book, and my notebook and while the whole world got its second wind I was out. It was a colder day, a day that gave hint that summer was coming to a close. I drove down private beaches I could use, but never did and watched the summer that could have been. The summer that brought me to these places we so little frequent now. I wondered what could have been if life were even just a little different, if I had one extra day off a week, if I had woken up earlier, what could have been in these places? I had the strongest urge to make my way to a park I had not been in years. It had been so long since I had been there that I hadn’t even considered the fact that I didn’t have a beach pass to be let into the park, or considered buying one. When I got to the booth where the attendant sat, I was met by someone younger than me, whose face I only knew of from high school. He let me go through. “You’re alright,” he said. At this point being 21 I don’t much know the faces of people working those booths like I did last year or more so a year ago. The surprise of seeing someone I knew made me feel as though this really was the last summer I would be here, be here in a long term sense, the last summer it would be going home instead of going on a vacation. The last summer I could slide into the beach without a beach pass. How do we suddenly reach that age? The age that pushes us out from all the places we fit in so well. How do I accept that each year this place becomes less a home than it was the year before? I walked across the playground that didn’t remind me of being young anymore, instead it reminded me of my younger cousins. I followed my memory to a picnic table underneath a large tree we used to climb, which branch that hoisted us had since fallen due to hurricanes. I sat in the shade and looked out over Long Island Sound and admired. The sea was choppy enough to give texture, but not enough that you couldn’t swim. The sound of wind and waves that came up over the cliffs swelled my heart, the rustle of leaves, the waves crashing, loud ones followed by a couple of softer ones. I tried to read, then I tried to write, but became acutely aware that this moment that was happening would be one I would want to remember, and all I could do was sit in it, admire, and let it pass. While we get August for 31 days, it appeared, under that impossibly large tree, that it had settled to be just one day. It was as August as anything had ever been in my life. Beginnings and ends were meeting in just this one spot, right here with me. August to me has always been a month where I was overly aware of getting older, that another summer had passed again and we weren’t the same people from its start in June. There seems to be a thinning in August, a thinning of time. Now that I am in college and especially towards my final years each summer seems to end something for me, that home decays a little more. Regardless, each is home in their own way: New York with my friends and it’s exciting day to day, and Connecticut with my family and memories of being young, it’s traditions. I am unsure of which place I consider to be the real home, or if I consider either to be. There seems to be no gravity in either place, nothing really holding me there. I wonder if at this age we are supposed to have home anywhere. Should we really be rooted to one place or feel free to leave and never return? This is

all August does for me, confuses me, conflicts me. The unusually cold day made me more aware that I was facing an end. August is just Thirty-One different Sundays in which each day you are aware that something is leaving you and all you can do is watch from the window as the sun fades into the horizon and go to bed. Not only that, but every August there is a storm that our summer never recovers from, and it was coming. I wanted to stop it all, wanted to sit in this breezy day and exempt myself from deciding and embracing this end, this growing up. I wanted to always have my Mom and Dad waiting for me at home, and my friends waiting for me at another. I wanted to always be this age, always be in this moment where an end was present, but had yet to arrive, always with something just around the corner, but still a couple blocks away. I was scared, will I ever have another home again? Will there ever be something as wonderful as this place right here and now? What will I lose this summer? You never learn to grow up, never learn how to let go of traditions, never prepared for the first holiday you’re not where you are supposed to be. Which was everything I learned this summer. And then the moment passed. The clouds that loomed beyond had reached us and it was over and I had nothing left but my memory of how wonderful it had felt to be there. I left shortly after. At such an age so rarely do we have one home that is whole, more like many homes in parts, that play different pieces to our lives. Nothing would ever be this place, even the place it was now, it recedes within itself each year, takes different shape, and by August I find myself wishing again that summer would return to us as it did in June knowing that I wished the same last year, and that next year, would wish again. Nothing would ever be New York, with memories of love and the people I met who I no longer know. Nothing would be these years again, no place was exempt from the change I was so aware of. That is what I was losing this summer, losing the illusion that I would always have identical places to return to, but everything ages. I hope to discover that this isn’t a bad thing, that each August I am wishing for that very summer back, always happy of what had transpired, just aware that it is not the same as the last. We are always scared of growing up, but seem to forget we do so every year, and every year we find new parts of it we hope won’t change. They will, but so will we, with new parts of life that we love, and we may even find what we always wanted is not what we desire anymore. In my car with the clouds billowed higher into our atmosphere I road low, not up a quick hill and over to my house. Instead I traveled the valleys, saw the water which turned our lips blue when we were young because all that once mattered was that summer was meant for swimming, and chose to remember the summer that had happened. I thought of all the walks, the shifts I worked, the people I met, saw even the nights we road with our heads pouring out of the car as we sang the songs which signaled that summer was in its midst. Then pulled into my driveway and found my family waiting for my return. So I have learned that all you can ever do is appreciate these moments for what they are. Fleeting. I have not been able to find the answers to all the questions, only hints and ideas. Maybe if I had one more day off I would have gone to those beaches I haven’t seen in so long, and experienced another moment such as the one at the table, or maybe I am older now, would never even thought to go there as they are not my place anymore. Maybe I will feel rooted in New York, or there is a chance that I never will. There are no answers, only ever changing possibilities that August always seems to illuminate. August is so much, so much this horizon of change, the beginning and end at both the same time and all you can do is learn to love it, learn to live in it. I have found that when we talk about summer, it is never, never , never — about those fridays in July, it is always about the last weekends of August. Words by Chloe Williams

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b r e a t h

Photographer: Yoona Hong @yoonakorn Model: Kara DeSouza @kara_angela1

Ke e p I n To u c h www.sundaygirlmagazine.com

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BACK COVER: BY ANA HARD WWW.ANAHARD.COM @ANAHARDESIGN

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VOLUME SEVEN