What to do if mum forgets her Valentine has passed?

It’s Valentine’s Day and Mum wants to arrange a candlelit meal for her husband, your dad. e only problem is that Mum has dementia and can’t recall that Dad passed a few years ago. What do I do?

What do I say?

When someone with dementia forgets that a loved one has passed, it can be hard to know what to say to them. You may try and gently remind Mum that Dad passed, but this just seems to cause Mum tremendous upset and anger at the “nasty lies you’re saying to me”. Telling the truth isn’t working, so what about lying to Mum? is may sound like something that is unethical or wrong, but for those with dementia who cannot recall facts, it is the right and kind thing to do. Sliding the truth to meet what the person with dementia believes is factual is called ‘therapeutic lying’.

It’s a heavily researched area of dementia care and is also what people with dementia tell us they want to happen.

Why would you remind someone of their losses if it causes them to relive the grief all over again, only for them to forget the information that causes them to feel so upset?

Robert Brault says: “Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true”.

Give me a call if you want to explore how to have those di cult conversations or to discuss supporting someone with dementia. Ruth omas, lead specialist care manager, EnlivenPlus, phone 07 547 4349.

Retiring in ideal circumstances

Retiring at e Vines in Bethlehem is an ideal option for those looking to enjoy their retirement years. is vibrant and peaceful community o ers a range of activities and amenities that make it the perfect place to relax and unwind.

e clubhouse is a great place to enjoy some time away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. e amenities are top-notch, with an on-site cafe, spacious lounge area, indoor pool and spa, gym, movie theatre, card room, hairdresser, library, indoor and outdoor bowls, snooker room and so much more.

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Residents can take advantage of the beautiful scenery by going on walks along nearby beaches or exploring local parks, while enjoying access to shops, cafes, restaurants and other attractions close by.

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With its friendly locals who are always ready with a smile or wave as you pass them in the street –there’s no better place than e Vines for retirees wanting to live life at their own pace!