Hendzlik, Corey, Breathe

Breathe

Corey Hendzlik

So I have an idea … What idea? Breathe … you haven’t even heard it yet. Ok, what? Respiratory therapy, I want to go to school for it. Really? Where? When? Why? I want to help people again. It is really booming and needed right now. I just keep coming back to it. What do you think? We can talk about it. (deep breath) Ok. Good. I’ve thought about it. You should. But you have to do it now. The kids, the move, it is now or never. Second thought, I don’t think I can. What if I fail? How will we pay for it? How will we pay bills? Breathe. Can I take an ambulance shift this week? Do you have to? I would like to. What if you bring it home? What if the kids get it? What if they don’t give you the right gear? Breathe. I will strip down at the door. Shower first. Don’t say Hello to them. Don’ttouch them. Don’t BREATHE on them. I won’t. My mask is fitted. It is my own. It is the best - N95. It doesn't matter. We really don’t know. It would be good for me to experience this since I am going back to school. I want to help people (breathe). Ok. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey, Sister. How’s it going? (sigh) Terrifying. Heavy. Fear. Anxious. Alone. Dread. Unknown. One mask. One shield. Spray. Side by side with others but hidden behind gear. Frontline.

I don’t know how to save them. I don’t know how to care for them. … how to protect myself. … how to protect us. … how to keep our families safe. … how to get them to wear their masks. Death. Anger. Exhaustion. Stretched … thin … can’t breathe. (Deep Breath. Shoes off in the car. Straight to the shower. Scrubs on the floor, no … scrubs in the basket. This one not that one. And breathe … or cry … or both). It’s going OK, I guess? I gotta go. Love you. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What will I need to know going into this field, especially with the changes COVID is bringing about? Technology is always changing. Nothing is ever the same. That it is challenging and rewarding to help others, to save them, to help them … breathe. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------How are you feeling about your classes? Do you still want to do this? What about COVID, doesn’t it scare you? Now more than ever. It is needed. I can do this. Aren’t you worried about what you will bring home. It worries me. Breathe. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------(sweaty) (heavy) (deep breath) (sleep) (pounding) (puking) (chills) (tight) (gasping) (throat, tickle … prick) You need to get tested. I can breathe fine. It’s just a cold.

COVID-19 ... POSITIVE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey, Brother? How are you feeling? We are doing ok. Feeling a lot better. Kids? A little run down but good. Breathing ok. Good. Lucky. Lucky.

Lucky. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey, Sister … Miss you. Can’t wait to see you. Hug you. Until this is over for you. Stay Safe. Hold on to your camaraderie. Hold on to hope. Like you said, you’re not alone. Rest. Breathe. You might be just doing your job, just like I want to someday, but you … you are doing a job of a hero. Love you.

Keep Breathing.