Love Unmasked: Dating & Relationships in the Pandemic

When the clouds of the pandemic began to fall, we started to notice how many aspects of life we took for granted. Walking into work, having your professor hand out pieces of paper, going to literally any concert, and meeting someone out at a bar or restaurant all became things we never thought we’d lay awake wishing for. If asked about what you missed most about quarantining in the pandemic, I would put money on your answer having something to do with relationships. Dating became limited and started both looking and acting differently, while we started worrying about the health of our friends and family members like never before. When so much of our lives started happening on a computer screen, we had to get used to isolation while still attempting to be functional and productive human beings.

In our isolation, what could be a better cure to our loneliness than finding a special someone to spend time binging “Tiger King” and eating Chinese take out with? But when our traditional gathering areas like clubs, bars, and coffee shops began to shutter, many of us turned to the hate-it-ortolerate-it world of online dating.

The Associated Press reports that revenue tripled from 2019 to 2020 for the then little-known dating app, Hinge. Apps like

Tinder and Bumble began to include digital badges for vaccination status and first date preferences, for example online, socially distanced, and with or without masks. They also added video chat features as more and more people wanted to size each other better before inviting them to their home-turnedcovid-bunker. ABC News reports that nearly half of people on Tinder, whose users are more than 50% members of Gen Z, began video chatting with a match during the pandemic.

Although the pandemic popularized new ways of meeting and interacting with people via video call (pants and shoes not required), it also strained the relationships of existing couples. Psychology Today reports that instances of domestic abuse jumped and the divorce rate after lockdown nearly doubled. This trend can occur when couples and families spend prolonged periods of time together, so it is’t entirely surprising that this phenomenon returned in force during the pandemic. However, it isn’t all bad news. Although anxieties over money, work, health, sanity, and a host of others are sure to bring out darker days in the course of a relationship, the increasing proximity as couples spend more time together at home and share in domestic tasks can also be beneficial, serving to bring couples closer.

To see how Stetson students felt about dating in the pandemic, I interviewed several people from all walks of life. Single people, close couples, long distance partners, and even people still in ‘the talking phase’ were all asked about how their romantic lives changed since the pandemic set in.

One student opened up about her relationship which started during the pandemic. She told me she felt that queer couples were different from others as they felt the need to find new ways to show that they like each other when a lot of their time was spent just hanging out and doing homework together. Sometimes, being able to have dates without an expectation of going out and being in public can be a relief and allows the couple to be more relaxed together and comfortable.

Couples in general expressed that they didn’t feel as much pressure to go out and spend money on events or meals at restaurants. Instead, they found joy in cooking at home or just making popcorn and watching a movie. Other couples agreed that connections between people are still the same now as they were pre-pandemic: “A connection is a connection, and I wouldn’t say it’s changed much,” one student said.

Besides the initial period of lockdown in 2020 when people couldn’t see each other as much, they said, it’s all pretty much the same. Perhaps, our generation’s intimate use (or over-use) of technology makes keeping relationships of any caliber a little easier when face-to-face isn’t an option.

One student who stated she was in a relationship which started in fall of 2021, said that the anxiety of exposing her significant other with the virus, who could then pass it on to his dad, definitely played its part: “We spent a lot of time on FaceTime while I was quarantining after I contracted the virus,” she said. “But I thought it was really sweet that we got even closer as people even though we couldn’t physically see each other for more than a week.”

On the other hand, another student was adamant about warning against the effects of social media on people who may have been feeling isolated during COVID times: “I feel bad for people following the toxicity trend on tik tok,” she said. “Everyone is talking about staying toxic in relationships and it’s a problem because people shouldn’t be getting their personality from the internet.”

In general, couples said that they felt their relationships did move at a faster pace due to the lockdown and pandemic. It could be that there have been fewer events to attend with friends– especially large ones like concerts and festivals–or that other friendships and relationships have been harder to maintain since most interactions in the early days of the pandemic had to be extra-intentional.

Couples relayed that the initial lockdown was a tough bump to get past as so many places were closed, but afterwards they spent more time directly interacting with each other. Rather than being occupied by some other event that they were engaged in for a more conventional date, couples honed in on one-on-one time which exposed the make-or-break point a little earlier than normal.

“I just feel bad for people like me who find texting and SnapChat to be exhausting even before the pandemic,” one student shared. “A lot of people were more hesitant to just meet up with people early on, so if your virtual flirting skills aren’t good, you’re kinda screwed.”

While the statistics from dating sites suggest that hookup culture might have changed with people spending more time in front of the screen and trying to deal with the mental challenges of quarantine, introverts and those who remained single said that they actually enjoyed having the time to be alone and focus on themselves.

For those who like their independence, they said they felt less distracted to find people and make connections as they were able to refocus on their main priorities in uncertain times. One student who stated they were single said that “relationships are a lot of work and I’m an introvert, so I like my alone time. And now [with the pandemic], I’ve been able to get that times 10.”

“It’s introvert season!” one of her friends nearby exclaimed.

One thing that is certain is that there doesn’t appear to be a clear trend either way towards more casual or more serious relationships. In essence, people seemed to respond to the pandemic by continuing on with whatever preference they had before the virus, casual flings or trying to find that special someone. Some students made sure to mention that even being in a relationship during this pandemic doesn’t preclude you from spending time to focus on yourself. After all, these past couple years have really put what matters to us most in sharp relief, whether that be love, family, romance, education, health, or even sanity.