And What Good Will Your Fear Be When The Great Joy Comes? - Jamie Pietrasz

And What Good Will Your Fear Be When The Great Joy Comes?

JAMIE PIETRASZ

And What Good Will Your Fear Be When The Great Joy Comes?

Says the priest in the garden behind the youth detention center In Georgia while I hold a shovel and I say I know oh I know while trying to avert my dry eyes From the descending sun and the garden

I’m supposed to be building and the priest Says to overcome that fear, you must confront it and I Say I know but everything I fear is not here and I mean Here like in this Detention center with me while I avoid

The work that God asked me to do and I mean Here like everything I fear that I can still overcome and not Run away from like a monster in a nightmare But I look up at the priest and he is a prism

Of my anxiety I mean his worries spread worries And they are all vast and scattered around him and I know Then that everything he fears is also not here and the priest doesn’t ask But I still say hey man, I’ve got no cures, I’ve got no cures even though I have plenty

poetry Ways I’ve learned to cope with not being okay and the garden is still growing even in its Never-ending need for my company and the man’s palm has a Bridge inside I mean he has put it on my shoulder and here we are Bounded and unbroken and the priest says What plants are you putting In the garden And I say what I might say in my sleep I say allfrustration Ends in mud and he says What plants are you putting

in your garden and I say something lovely enough to make me forget my fears And he points towards the lurking shadows of hurting Boys inside their cells and says I see fears only as they are And I’m sure I did once too but I cannot remember how to these days And he says Attacks aren’t always about what hurts and I’ve learned I’ve learned Or I’ve learned once and now I write about sacred moments

Like I will never belong to those moments again and the priest Looks me in the eyes and he points to the dark red locket Over my heart’s gates and he says the cure to everything you fear is in there and I’ve learned I’ve learned I can’t feel it, but I’ve learned

and he turns my face to the water spout and says don’t overfill your cup and I know that he means the cup that I used to bring the plants what they needed to survive or I think I know that, but I still can’t stop panicking and I close

my eyes and I am crying behind the youth detention center and, when I open my eyes, the garden is taking anything that has branded me more fearful from my mind and pouring them into the translucent water and I am feeling this, and I know I am feeling this my grief over the boy who died in a car accident

when he was coming to see me and my guilt knowing that I couldn’t say I loved him when he was in a coma and my fear of my next panic attack and my stress of not doing enough

in the middle of any time I have been worried they were all there I felt their gravity and it was like being trapped under a layer of thick ice and once you know what it is to be happy it is hard to un-feel that which serves as a reminder that you were not always

lucky and I am gasping into the universe and I pull a towel to wipe whatever tears are left and I see the priest working on the garden and I run over to him and call out his name and I say did you feel it did you feel it like I did, and he turns and looks into the

light of a jail cell and he is bounded to a single worry now and he smirks and he says do I know you and he dismisses and carries his bible away into the night and I can hear the pages rustling even as I watch him disappear and I look down

and the plants in my garden are still mud brown.

poetry Sunshine and Rainbows DANIEL HENDRICK You always told me that life isn’t just sunshine and rainbows And I never believed you You said life was just pain and heartbreak and disappointment and suffering and dread and strife and stress and mourning Life isn’t just sunshine and rainbows

That’s what you always told me And I never believed you Until I saw beautiful galaxies spiraling above me Deer dancing in meadows in front of me Birds chirping an ancient song all around me The embrace of love after months of pain The first realization of peace in a sea of conflict The joy of being with someone you love Until I saw you realize how amazing you really are You always told me that life isn’t just sunshine and rainbows And you were right It’s so much better