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Publisher:
Mia Blom mia@survivalguide.co.za 074 103 8761
Editor:
Jacqueline Baldwin jacqui@survivalguide.co.za 083 557 0503
Regional Sales Manager:
Rencia van Wyk rencia@survivalguide.co.za 084 402 8637
Administrator:
Janet Neilson admin@survivalguide.co.za 084 869 2450
Published by: Printing:
Paarl Media KZN
This publication was printed alcohol free on one of Paarl Media’s heatset web offset presses, with harmful emissions removed by a Regenerative Thermal Oxidiser (RTO). All paper waste and plates used in the process were collected for recycling.
Come be a part of our online community! Visit our website www.survivalguide.co.za Articles, links, newsletters, competitions… See you on facebook! www.facebook.com/jacqui.mia Have your say, ask your questions, share the fun… PLUS giveaways EVERY FRIDAY!
A word from the Editor... Hello again, As parents we’re united in the daily struggle to make our world better for our children. Whether that means “going green” or educating ourselves on the myriad influences that shape development. We understand that this world is the one we’re going to leave our children and we want it to be the best it can be. And to do our bit, to make it the best it can be, we need to be the best person we can be. Taking care of ourselves is as important as taking care of our family – and so this edition is dedicated to taking care of yourself and your family – in every way. Keep warm and look after yourself! Jacqueline
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Share your vIEWS OUR WINNING LETTER The “Unguilty” Pleasures of a Working Mom As a working mother I often hear how I have to spend as much time with my children as possible when I have the luxury of time off. I have felt the deep sense of guilt pounding at me when I take time to have a trip to a spa or pamper myself at my favourite hairdresser.With three active girls with vastly different interests, I also find it so difficult to co-ordinate their programmes so that they enjoy the activities planned in our moments of time spent together.This sometimes takes more careful thought than planning a battle strategy and diplomatic skill than needed to run an Embassy.With a hectic work schedule, a deep sense of guilt looming over me and frantic week-ends of activity with the girls, something was bound to give in and I had a sinking feeling in my soul that the “something” was going to be me! I then heard from a loyal friend of mine, not one of those who heaped the guilt on my already sinking shoulders, that there was a way to redeem some of my “me” time without the burden of feeling that I had abandoned my girls. I sent them off to camp for a week and placed myself in the capable hands of a local retreat. While soaking up the fabulous treatments and having quality time for introspection, I was plagued by pangs of guilt that I was not making the grade as a good mother. To make matters worse I was asked by well meaning family and friends how I could “dump the kids” and take time off by myself. At the end of the week, I felt like a new woman. I was revitalized in body, mind and spirit and knew that I had made the right choice for my family in going away for the week.With a new-found confidence in myself I found that I could cope with all of life’s little surprises, even the girls not wanting to come home and begging me to let them go back to camp again in the next holidays!
The writing on the wall I love being a mom because it is such an awesome privilege to be given the responsibility of raising the people who will take our world into its future. I may not be able to do much about the future - but I can raise children who will change it for the better! Some people don’t want to bring children into the world because they see it as a terrible place - I would rather say that the world is going to need my children to help make it a better place! LeIgh JanSen I love being a mom because it means I get to watch my hubby being a Dad...never realised that having kids and seeing how he is with them would make me love him more... JacquI mackway-wILSon I love being a mom because when I take ‘me time’ it is accepted and not considered selfish, and this time-out gives me the opportunity to enjoy the little things, thus making my life fuller. I love it for the cozy cuddles, sweet kisses, the tiny hand on my cheek, the adoring eyes, the soft body warmth and the sweetest, sometimes hilarious musings of toddler and childhood. cIca pIzzornI Readers’ comments on our facebook www.facebook.com/jacqui.mia
Roma Brickhill Editor: Thanks for sharing this with us Roma. All too often ‘GUILT’ prevents us remembering that our families need to spend quality time with us. Taking time out for ourselves to re-energise is a gift not only to ourselves, but also to our loved ones! Your lovely letter has won you a hamper of SPORTRON pamper products… for some more well deserved ‘me’ time. ENJOY! www.survivalguide.co.za [ 55 ]
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Here are a few ways Bam+Boo cloth nappies will help you Why Choose Reusable Nappies? Save money – When using a one size fits all nappy you only need to purchase them once saving you thousands over the 2+years that your child will wear them. If you use only one cloth nappy a day you would save yourself 30 disposables a month. Every cloth nappy used saves one from the dump. Each baby that uses disposables creates around 1½ tons of waste a year on nappies alone. Reusable nappies have none of the harsh chemicals and gels found in disposables that have been linked to high levels of infertility in men and many other problems. Why use Bam+Boo's? We are the only company in SA that offers a risk free trial of our products, that's how sure we are that you will like them! We offer a one size fits all nappy that fits from birth to potty independence. Bam+Boo's are made using only the best quality and fabrics available creating a nappy that works and lasts. Best of all they are so easy to use, wash and love!
Get Creative with Toby Tower! Toby Tower encourages children to engage in educational activity-based fun, enabling them to develop new creative skills. The Toby Tower range consists of a wide range creative activities, tattoos and sticker products. Toby Tower products are great for getting parents creatively involved with their children and at the same time creates quality time together. Toby Tower products are great for parties, gifts and for those cold winter days when outside play is not possible. Apart from the wonderful products available, Toby Tower has a fun and interactive website which is great for both parents and children. Download printable activities, solve puzzles online and look for fun party ideas. Join the popular and growing Toby Tower kids club and receive a joining gift along with other fantastic benefits! Toby Tower says “Imagination grows brains” and here at Tower we are constantly striving to find new and interesting activities to help inspire children’s imaginations.
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Visit www.tobytower.co.za for more information. Honey Badger clothing was created out of a love and passion for fashion, our kids and the environment. Our mission is to create a truly GREEN and eco-friendly children’s clothing range of the highest quality. Honey Badger creates beautiful and classic children’s clothing which is comfortable and ‘healthy’ to wear. We use GOTS certified 100% organic cotton fabrics which have been coloured with natural herbal dyes. This ensures that our clothing is chemical, pesticide and GMO free; which is better for our children’s health. At Honey Badger we also want to actively protect our planet for our children – we therefore choose to use organically farmed cotton, and sustainable materials including bamboo, coconut and jute. We are also committed to supporting fair trade and ethical practices at every level of our business and we are proud to say that all our clothing is made with love in South Africa. For more information about Honey Badger contact Renee at: 082 555 8219 • renee@honeybadgerclothing.com • www.honeybadgerclothing.com Nominate a product to feature on this page by sending an email with ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS in the subject and a paragraph on why we should feature it to info@bfpublish.com... All nominations will stand to a ‘VOTE OFF’ on our facebook page to select the next 3 businesses to feature on this page. A business can only be featured once in a year! www.survivalguide.co.za 17
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READING CORNER TIGER-TIGER, IS IT TRUE?
Four Questions to Make You Smile Again by Byron Katie
About the book Tiger-Tiger, Is It True? is a story about a little tiger who thinks that his whole world is falling apart: his parents don’t love him, his friends have abandoned him, and life is unfair. But a wise turtle asks him four questions, and everything changes. He realizes that all his problems are not caused by things, but by his thoughts about things; and that when he questions his thoughts, life becomes wonderful again. This is a heart-warming story with a powerful message that can transform the lives of even very young children. Byron Katie’s wisdom-filled words and Hans Wilhelm’s vivid, magical illustrations combine to make a book that will become one of the classics of children’s literature. For ages 4-10 ISBN 9781401925604
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What some pre-schoolers have to say about Tiger-Tiger, Is It True? ‘The tortoise made that tiger happy ‘It is about a tiger whose thoughts made him think because he said nice things to him.’ that all his friends didn’t like him, but they did - Luke like him - his thoughts had to turn around.’ – Ella his friend, because ‘When he was angry with Zebra, his his friend was playing with ... and then, all mad him ing thoughts was mak And then he . him like did ally actu of them him and liked of d care knew all of his friends hael him.’ - Mic
‘The book was really funny cause because in the morning he was grumpy and in the afternoon he was happy.’ Brian ‘The turtle was very nice to the tiger.’ – Hannah
Hay House products are available at all good bookstores, or visit www.hayhouse.co.za Hay House South Africa has donated R5.8 million to NOAH (Nurturing Orphans of AIDS for Humanity) to date. www.survivalguide.co.za 25
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Please, Please, Please – Listen to me! “My children just won’t listen to me!” “No matter HOW many times I ask them to pick up their things, they leave their room like a pigsty!” “If I have to tell my kid ONE MORE TIME to hang up his clothes, I’m going to throttle him!”
T
hese are statements I have heard, not just from others, but from my own lips on countless occasions. It seems at times that no matter what approach I take, no matter what punishments I devise and no matter how much I debase myself in acts of begging and pleading, my children just cannot find it in them to pick up after themselves. Or feed the hamsters. Or bring their toys in from the yard - you get the picture... In our program we try and instil a desire to “treat others the way you want to be treated” and we address issues like respect, kindness, obedience and how our actions affect those around us. It takes a while for kids to get it. Heck, it takes a while for adults to get it, and some adults I know will NEVER get it! Sometimes though, all I want my kids to do is “LISTEN TO ME, PLEASE!” My children are well-behaved (generally), considerate and intelligent (generally), so why is it that they can hear the word “chocolate” through 4 walls and a running bath, but cannot hear me when they are right beside me and I ask them to pick up their shoes in the living room? Parents joke about “selective hearing” and we resign ourselves to never-ending repetition and mind-numbing attempts at psychological manipulation - just to get them to do what we ask - to do something that they should understand is essential: Cleaning up their own mess. You see, if they don’t learn to clean up their own mess, we know as adults, that other people will be cleaning up their mess for the rest of their lives. Taking responsibility for your environment is a vital aspect of becoming a fully functioning member of society. When we stress about our children’s apparent inability to do anything about the mess they create, we are stressing about so much more than the fact we have just tripped headfirst into the coffee table over a pair of old running shoes. My wife came home the other night from our local home group with an incredible idea. They had watched a DVD by a pastor named Andy Stanley, who heads up a church called North Point in the U.S. In this DVD he made a radical suggestion in getting kids not just to listen, but to think for themselves. The basic premise is that when you
are confronted with a situation in which you, as a parent or caretaker, have to perform a task that should be performed by the child, that you ask the child to ask you to do it - as simple as that. You see, my children are used to the pattern. They mess, I ask, they don’t do, I ask, they ignore, I shout, they do. I tried this new system, with some incredible results. I know this will not work for everyone. Some kids might revel in it, but that then would show you that you have far larger issues to address. This is what happened... My youngest son, 5 years old, left an item of clothing on the sofa. As usual, the clothing had been left there, waiting for me to either pick it up, or for me to demand that he take it to his room, where it belonged. Instead, I called him over and in a calm, non-aggressive way asked him to “please ask me to pick it up for you”. The look of distress on his face was immediate! This is a child who does not respond to punishment as a means of correction. He has a thick skin and a stubborn attitude. He could not bring himself to ask me to do it. He had tears in his eyes as he begged me to let him take his clothes to his room. I have done this with my 8 year old as well, with the same response. This system of passive confrontation has opened their eyes just a little bit to the way their actions impact those who share their environment. If it can help my children to become responsible, self-aware and self-respecting members of society, I’m going to give it a try! Happy Parenting
Do you need to speak to us or have a specific enquiry? Please email us on: enquiries@myupperroom.co.za Main Contact Number: 072 724 8332 MY UPPER ROOM Creating Character and Skills for Life www.myupperroom.co.za Your portal in teaching your child social awareness, social skills, character values and ethical behaviour to prepare them for the future. www.survivalguide.co.za 37
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Recipe book: Natural Medicine Magazine’s Wholefood Cook Book by Heidi du Preez and Karen Werge Tilney will be launched soon. See www.naturalnutrition.co.za
sunflower seed butter this is as tasty as peanut butter, but a much healthier option and ideal for children’s sandwiches. 1 cup sunflower seeds ¼ cup raw honey
3
– serves ChoColate smoothie ds or see h wit e mad smoothies with proteins nuts, are balanced ideal snack to to make this the . ool take to sch
dry-toast the sunflower seeds by stirring them in a thick-based pan on medium heat for 3 to 5 minutes, until lightly browned. Grind the seeds in a power blender or spice mill into a fine powder and then mix with the honey to form a clear paste. add a little water if too thick and difficult to spread. store in a glass jar in the refrigerator.
ees em toff tasty Jerusal y chewy and l e t and v a o l eal tre t hese are a r s e e f f to tted too! ates,pi healthy dried d
r fresh o Cut 2 cups 200°C. ven to o e h t d them a t e a r e p h s e r P alf. e for te in h and bak y each da baking tray ra t e h a shake t urning. out on b nutes. i t m n e 0 v 1 e r o p 7 to hewy twice,t ld be c once or ed,they shou an airtight l o n o i c e once stor ffees. like to . r e n i a cont
ds cup sunflower see der to 2 tbsp carob pow peeled banana to 6 pitted dates cups water in a all the ingredients ce Pla nd until smooth. ble and r nde ble power ¼ 1 1 4 2
trail mix 2 cups raw nuts – like pecan,cashew almonds an , d macadami a nuts 1 cup seed s - like su nflower an pumpkin se d eds 1 cup chop ped sulphu rfree dried - like cran fruit berries,ap ricots,app mango and les, pineapple 1 cup rais ins and/or chopped da (optional) tes 1 cup drie d shredded coconut (o 1 cup caro ptional) b or raw ca cao nibs (o mix all th ptional) e ingredie nts together store in an an d airtight co ntainer.
Cashew diP nuts 100 g raw cashew plain yoghurt 200 ml Greek or ly sliced trimmed and thin 1 spring onion, l oi e in oliv 2 tsp extra-virg pinch paprika taste lt and pepper to sea or herbal sa
irring them shew nuts by st dry-toast the ca heat for 3 d pan on medium in a thick-base ned. Grind ow br y tl gh li l ti to 5 minutes, un spice mill or r de en power bl the seeds in a into the ts nu e er. mix th into a fine powd n and oil into io on ng ri sp e yoghurt. stir th pper to add salt and pe the mixture and all bowl and sm a to the dip taste. transfer th carrot wi e prika. serv sprinkle with pa g. in pp di r fo , ks ic and cucumber st
sardine sPre ad 1 can (120g) sardines with skin and bones, dr ained well 1 tbsp freshl y-squeezed le mon juice 1 tbsp finely grated onion 1 tbsp tahini 1 tbsp finely chopped pars ley pinch sea or rock salt Combine all the ingredie nts and mash with a fork until we ll blended. serve on whol e wheat crac kers, corn or rice cakes or rye toast.
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By Heidi Du Preez
Children are grazers and therefore prefer to eat regularly, rather than only three big meals per day. It is good for them to snack during the day, but make sure the snacks are healthy and that they still enjoy their three balanced main meals. Their overall diet should be balanced with 30% complex carbohydrates, 40% fruits and vegetables, 20% protein and 10% fats and oils. Good examples of complex carbohydrates would be butternut, sweet potato, potato with its skin, brown rice and whole grains like whole wheat, stone-ground flours, oats, barley and sorghum. Protein food will include free-range eggs, organic dairy products, free-range chicken and beef, lamb, venison and fish. Good fats and oils will be avocado, extra-virgin olive oil, seed and nuts. The bulk of their healthy balanced diet should comprise of fruits and vegetables, with the emphasis on the veggies! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so make sure it is properly balanced with a protein food and not laden with sugar. Boxed cereals are far from the ideal start for their day. The most popular snack foods are crisps, choc lates, biscuits, energy or cereal bars and baked products like muffins or pies. These foods are high in the wrong kind of fat, the wrong kinds ofcarbohydrates, salt and additives, while not providing the nutrients your children need. Overconsumption of crisps and similar processed snack foods greatly contributes to the epidemics of obesity and type II diabetes, among other diseases in our society, particularly in children. Make sure the snack products that you offer to your kids are free of flavourants, preservatives and colourants like MSG (monosodium glutamate), sodium benzoate (E211), sunset yellow FCF (E110), quinolene yellow (E104), carmoisine (E122), allura red (E129) and ponceau 40 www.survivalguide.co.za
4R (E124) – these have all been linked to hyperactivity, among many other symptoms, in children. A plausible connection to tantrums, poor concentration and slow progress at school has been found if these additives are consumed. As a rule of thumb, don’t buy any processed product that has more than two ingredients listed on the label, which you are not familiar with. Therefore stick to foods as close to their natural state as possible. Ideally each snack should contain some form of protein to balance blood sugar levels. Good examples would be: • A handful of seeds or nuts, mixed with sulphur-free, chopped dried fruit like dates, figs, mango or apricots • Trail mix – see recipe • Muesli bar, free of excess sugars • Fresh fruit plus a handful of almonds • Smoothie – see recipe • Crudités (veggie sticks) with a nice dip – see recipe for Cashew dip • Plain yoghurt and chopped fresh fruit, sprinkled with seeds and / or nuts • Popcorn flavoured with a little herbal, sea or rock salt • Venison or free-range beef fat-free biltong plus a fresh fruit • Rye, rice or corn crisp bread or cakes with any of the following toppings: avocado; cottage cheese; cucumber or sardine spread (see recipe) • Healthy sandwich made with rye or whole wheat bread • Date balls Water should be the main drink served to kids at snack times. It does not contain the sugars, calories, colourants and caffeine of sodas. If you do serve fruit juice, always dilute it with at least 50:50 water and ideally only use freshlysqueezed fruit juice. Children should consume 60ml / kg body weight liquid each day. Most people translate thirst as hunger, therefore first offer a drink before you give your child a snack. They may just be thirsty! Most of the snacks served to children should be fruits and vegetables, since most kids do not eat the recommended
five to nine servings of fruits and vegetables each day. Eating fruits and vegetables lowers the risk of heart disease, cancer, and high blood pressure. Fruits and vegetables contain important nutrients and fibre. Though some think fruits and vegetables are costly snacks, they are actually less costly than many other less healthy snacks on a per-serving basis. An apple cost much less than a packet of crisps! Serving fresh fruits and vegetables can seem challenging, but be innovative and creative. Stick a tooth pick into cut up fruit or make fruit kebabs by arranging cut pieces of fruit onto a skewer. However, dipping carrots into chocolate will be defeating the objective! Serve healthy snacks with fun plates, napkins, cups, or straws or have a tasting party where children can vote for their favourite healthy snacks. You as parents may not be able to control what is sold or offered to your kid’s at school, but you can certainly instil good health habits in them while they are at home, especially if you lead by example.
Heidi du Preez is Nutritional Therapist and is registered as a Professional Natural Scientist. She obtained her masters degree in Food Science and is currently specialising in Nutritional Medicine. Heidi consults to both the food and health industry. She uses a functional biomedical approach, incorporating diet, supplementation, detoxification and spiritual well-being into her treatment regimen. Her focus is on the prevention and cure of chronic, metabolic and degenerative diseases. Heidi is on the Council of The South African Association for Nutritional Therapy (www.saant.org.za). She serves on the panel of experts of The South African Journal of Natural Medicine for whom she regularly writes articles and is also the author of the health recipe book Natural Medicine Magazine’s Wholefood Cook Book (www.naturalnutrition.co.za).
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Date Night! All Mommies & Daddies need a night out!
Come to Cafe Havana for a romantic Dinner for two and enjoy the lights of Mossel Bay from the Deck! Tel: 044 690 4640
38 Marsh Street, Mossel Bay www.cafehavana.co.za
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EnCOuntour from R3510 for 3 nights Encountours are scheduled throughout the year with start days being most mondays and thursdays. ¥Daily Þeld trips to encounter dolphins ¥Pre-training - snorkeling, safety, ecology ¥DCA code of conduct & club membership card ¥Three nights lodging in Ponta do Ouro ¥Brunches after Þeld trips & two dinners ¥Transfers to and from the launch site ¥Image downloads & Tribe T-shirt!
Dolphin Kidz under 12 less 15%, Group discounts available. Ideal workshop and holistic retreat activity.
volunteer program with DCA
month long purposeful sojourn Have you ever wondered what it would be like to gift yourself for an entire month while being on a purposeful holiday. Volunteers have the opportunity of getting involved behind the scenes through both boat and land based activities pertaining to our marine environment, with an emphasis on wild dolphins, whales and turtles (in season). One can expect to have regular interactions with the wild dolphins of ponta throughout the month, assist with the photo id project amongst other research and conservation based activities. Programs include lodging, basic meals, Þeld trips and supervision. Ideal sabbatical retreat, gap year, photographic & knowledge based holiday! R11 500
;;;D62/748(J*(923()23+,D92DK:1 1H*, *+ F:) 8 2 (,L1 MNO1 ??1 P@NJQ?RS1 HTG H*, *+ F:) 8 2 ( ,L1 M NUQ1 QP1 SSR1 SQUV1 W"X 8 (A2 Y6 2 / 748 (J*(923()23+,D 92D K: www.survivalguide.co.za 53
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FLUGON
TM
Naturally the best against allergies, colds and flu.
Targets Infection associated with
Bronchitis Sinusitis Tonsillitis Ear & throat infections Colds Flu l
l
Allergies
l
l
Cold
l
Flu
Onset
Sudden or slow.
Slow
Sudden, within hours.
Duration
Many weeks.
3-14 days
3-10 days
Fever
Never
Rare. Low grade.
Usual-high 37, 8 ยบC - 39 ยบC Lasts 3-4 days
Common
Rare, mild
Common,severe.
Never
Slight
Usual, often severe.
Sometimes
Mild, if any.
Never
Never
Usual, can last up to 2-3 weeks Usual at beginning of illness.
Symptom/factor
Headache General aches & pains Fatigue, weakness Extreme exhaustion Stuffy nose
Common
Common
Sometimes
Runny nose
Common
Common
Rare
Sneezing
Usual
Usual
Sometimes
Sore throat
Sometimes
Common (scratchy)
Sometimes
Chest discomfort
Never
Mild-moderate.
Common, can become severe.
Cough
Sometimes
Severe or hacking cough.
Dry
Appetite
Normal
Normal
Decreased
Itchy eyes
Common
Rare or never.
Rare or never.
Season
Peak spring & autumn
All year, peaking in winter.
Between May and July in SA.
Treatment
Antihistamines Decongestants Flugon
Antihistamines Decongestants Analgesic Flugon
Antiviral medicine refer to doctor. Flugon
Prevention
Avoid allergens (e.g. pollen, dust mites, mould, pets) Flugon for prevention
Wash hands, avoid close contact with anyone with a cold. Flugon for prevention
Annual vaccination, antiviral medicine. Flugon for prevention
Complications
Sinus infection, asthma.
Sinus congestion, asthma, Middle ear infection.
Bronchitis, pneumonia, can be life threatening.
Tara Pharmaceuticals (Pty.) Ltd. l www.flugon.com l www.tara.org.za l helpline: 086 111 8272 Flugon is available in Capsules, Syrup, Throat spray and Effervescent tablets. Flugon can be claimed back from most Medical Aid schemes. 56 www.survivalguide.co.za
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A Guardian of Health: Our bodies are equipped with a wonderful capacity to heal thanks to the fact that our immune systems are constantly at work keeping us healthy. By understanding the importance of your immune system, you will be able to make the better choices when it comes to your health. There are two different types of immunity: We are born with what is aptly known as the “innate immunity”, which develops and matures throughout life. The body also has the capability to develop powerful specific resistance to certain invading agents, learning to identify and remember the specific foreign agents, resulting in its rapid destruction. This is called “acquired immunity”. Our immune systems are tirelessly tested by the onslaught of many different challenges and therefore need to be cared for properly. Common signs of impaired immune function include fatigue, listlessness, repeated infections, inflammation, allergic reactions, slow wound healing and overgrowth of normally present organisms resulting in oral or vaginal thrush. This is where the homeopathic approach can be of great value. Homeopathy is a system of medicine that assists immune function by allowing the body to work optimally and therefore strengthening its resistance by decreasing its susceptibility to illness. With the understanding that certain lifestyle choices and life stresses deplete our immune reserve, homeopathy also seeks to address the root cause in order to maintain health. The power of homeopathy lies in its focus on individualised and specific treatment. It is therefore best to seek the advice of a registered homeopathic practitioner in your area. Balch, P.A. (2000). Prescription for Nutritional Healing. 3rd Edition. USA: Avery. Guyton, A.C & Hall, J.E (1997). Human Physiology & Mechanisms of Disease. 6th Edition. USA: W.B. Saunders Company. Dr Geraldine Robson-Parsons graduated with a recognised degree from the University of Johannesburg. She is a registered homeopathic doctor with the Allied Health Professions Council & the Homeopathic Association of South Africa. She runs a homeopathic family practice in Knysna & a satellite practice in Oudtshoorn twice a month.
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Family and divorce mediation: what is it and how can it help families?
Despite the fact that family and divorce mediation is becoming increasingly popular in South Africa, many people do not know what it is, or how it can benefit them and their families.This article will explain what mediation is; where and when it takes place; the advantages of mediation; and recent developments in mediation. What is mediation? Mediation is a method of alternative dispute resolution (ADR), where a third party (the mediator) helps resolve a dispute between parties.The mediator is a neutral third party and does not have the power to impose decisions on the parties. What is mediation NOT? Mediation is not arbitration. Arbitration is also an alternative dispute resolution method, but the disputing parties agree to abide by the decisions of the arbitrator. The arbitrator gives his/her decision after and informal proceeding where each side presents evidence and witnesses. This does not occur in the case of mediation: a mediator does not make decisions for the parties, but rather guides the parties to reach their own decisions. When and where does mediation take place? Mediation can occur whenever there is a dispute between private parties, for example, a divorce. The process is completely private and confidential. Sessions take place in a private room, with only the mediator and the parties to the mediation being present. The number of sessions depends on the complexity of the problem and the willingness of the parties to reach a solution. Why mediate? Mediation holds many advantages for the parties: • It is more affordable than litigation • Generally faster than litigation • The parties are personally involved in the process • It encourages parties to communicate effectively • It is a less formal process • It is a friendly process that is less stressful than litigation • The agreements reached are usually long lasting Who is the mediator and how does the mediation process occur? The mediator is a facilitator. The role of the mediator is to help the parties reach their own decisions, by guiding them and reminding them of issues to be dealt with, providing information to the parties, keeping parties on track and guid66 www.survivalguide.co.za
ing them to work out an agreement. A mediator is not a counsellor, psychologist or lawyer. People who practice these professions may be mediators but during mediation they are only participating in the role of mediators. The mediator will, where necessary, work in collaboration with other professionals. What is co-mediation? Co-mediation takes place when two mediators act together in mediating a dispute. Usually one mediator is male and the other female. Additionally, one mediator may have a background in psychology or counselling and the other one a background in law, in addition to their qualification in mediation. Co-mediation is particularly effective in complex matters. What does the law say? Recent developments in South African legislation as well as decisions in recent court cases support the use of mediation, particularly in matters where children are involved. Mediation is mandatory in certain disputes and is encouraged in all others. Recent decisions by our courts indicate that divorcing couples should at least attempt to mediate before litigating in court. Is mediation for me? There are few instances where mediation will not help. Parties, especially divorcing couples, are encouraged to first attend mediation before litigation. If you have already started litigating, for example the summons has already been sent, you can still mediate. Any agreement reached during mediation can (and in the case of divorces, will) be made an order of court. Dr. Amanda Boniface has a legal background. She obtained the qualifications BLC, LLB, LLM (child law) cum laude, LLD (UP). She also served articles as a candidate attorney and wrote and passed the attorney’s admission examination. She was later admitted as an Advocate of the High Court. She has also worked as a lecturer and senior lecturer of law. Additionally, she has published a number of articles and chapters in legal textbooks. She was awarded a certificate in advanced divorce and family mediation after attending a recognised divorce and family mediation course and has trained others in divorce and family mediation. Amanda has a passion for divorce mediation. She is also a mother and enjoys spending time with her son. Amanda has spoken on RSG and E-TV about divorce and family mediation. She can be contacted on 072 1286 525 or email: amanda@rsamediation.co.za Website: www.rsamediation.co.za
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