LOWER COLUMBIA CURRENTS

Commentary by Andre Stepankowsky

By Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I moved to the South, and people in my area are very religious and go to church regularly. I have no issue with this, but the problem is that folks around here ask which church you belong to.

I am at a loss as to how to answer to this question; I am not religious and was brought up in the Jewish faith. What is a good response to this question?

GENTLE READER: “Thank you, but I am not attending services at the moment. I practice privately.”

You need not specify what you practice -- it could be the violin, for all Miss Manners cares -- but the hope is that by virtue of its sounding vague and mysterious, the inquiries will abruptly cease.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m having a birthday party. I don’t want anyone to purchase presents, but rather, I want monetary gifts. How can I word that on the invitation?

GENTLE READER: “This is a stick-up”?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often have adult visitors of various ages stay at my house. Sometimes in the afternoon, while watching television or when everyone is sitting around talking, someone will unintentionally fall asleep.

I take it as a compliment that they are able to relax in my presence. But if I needed to wake the person up, how would I kindly do so? Or when the person wakes up and seems embarrassed, how do I reassure them that it’s OK that they were resting?

Lastly, how should I handle the situation if I ever fall asleep without meaning to, whether as a host or a guest?

GENTLE READER: The best way to demonstrate that it is not a problem is to take little or no notice: Engage the person when awake, overlook any discomfort demonstrated, and quietly remove any items -- such as empty glasses -- that appear to be in danger.

As a guest, you may expect the same courtesy from your host. If you fall asleep at your own party, it may be worth apologizing -- particularly if you wake to find the guests gone, the lights off and the dishes put away (in which case, the apology will require a call or note).

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was raised in a world of social graces where you did not ask point-blank questions, except among family or very close friends. This has changed, which mostly doesn’t bother me; people are curious by nature.

The particular question that ruffles me is, “Why are you so dressed up?”

When I am asked this, I am not “dressed up.” I do my hair, do my makeup and wear business casual attire throughout the week.

Currently I am taking business classes, and I also drive a school bus for our district. I am on a high school route, and I feel image is very important. (I feel most of the other drivers dress fairly “slobby” and set a bad example. I hold my tongue on this opinion, though.) Also, I live in a southern climate, so dresses just make sense, but this has led to embarrassing moments of being asked if I wear dresses and skirts for religious purposes. cont page 9