Take My Hand

By Keith Barrow

“Come on Pooh! You need to keep up.” “Oh brother, I can only walk so fast.” Daniel spread his feet apart and walked like he was four times his size. “Oh, you silly bear.” He changed his voice again to try and sound like Christopher Robin. Suddenly, he stopped and looked at his window. What was that? He thought. It sounded like a gunshot. His heart beat faster. He walked over to the window to see what the noise was. “Oh, it was just a bird.” To most people, the bird that hit against the house wouldn’t sound anything like a gunshot. For the fifteen-year-old with autism inside of that blue room, those two sounds have little difference. Not seeing anything else outside he dove back into his imagination. “Dinner’s ready, everyone come to the dining room.” Mrs. Moore announced a few minutes later. Daniel grabbed Winnie the Pooh and headed downstairs. When Daniel entered the dining room, Mr. Moore was strapping Jonathan into his high chair and Mrs. Moore had just put the bread on the table and sat down. Daniel took a seat next to his dad just as Kristen and Andrew walked in. When everyone was settled, Mr. Moore blessed the food. “Okay, let’s bow our heads. Dear Jesus, thank you for the food we are about to eat. Please bless the hands that prepared it. In your name, we pray, Amen.” Everyone began to serve their plates, but Daniel sat still in his seat. “Hey, where’s my food?” Daniel crossed his arms. “Oh, I forgot to heat up your mac and cheese. Hold on I’ll put it in the microwave.” Mrs. Moore got up and disappeared into the kitchen. “Are you all ready to go to Disneyland tomorrow?” Mr. Moore asked his children as he gave Jonathan some food. “I was ready last week!” Andrew said with a mouth full of lasagna. “Ewww, that’s disgusting, close your mouth!” Kristen turned her head in disgust. “Andrew, come on! You know better than that.” Mr. Moore shook his head in disapproval. Daniel spoke up eagerly. “I’m ready! I want to see Mickey Mouse!” Mrs. Moore walked back into the dining room with Daniel’s mac and cheese. “Yeah, I know you are, Danny. That’s all you’ve been talking about these days.” Mrs. Moore set the mac and cheese in front of Daniel and sat down. “This is the last trip you’ll have before starting school.” Daniel’s smile faded. He squeezed Pooh tighter. School was something that Daniel had tried to forget about. He thought of the time last week when he threw a book right at his mother when she mentioned it. He didn’t mean to hurt her, he just didn’t want to talk about school. He hated any kind of change and this was definitely a big change. “I don’t want to!” he finally blurted out. Everyone looked at him confused. “What don’t you want Danny?” Mr. Moore said with caution. “School.” “You don’t want to go to school?” “Yes...” Daniel stared at the bowl sitting in front of him that was full of Kraft mac and cheese. Mr. Moore gave his wife a worried look. She shook her head and they both continued to eat their dinner. Early the next morning the Moore family packed up the car and headed to Disneyland. It was a four-and-a-half-hour drive from Henderson Nevada. Gazing out the window, Daniel pressed the skip button on his mp3 player to play the next song. “Dad, can you turn the AC on? It’s getting really hot.” Andrew pleaded. Mr. Moore pulled the windows up in the SUV and turned the AC on. “Hey, you’re so, ughhh, I hate you!” Daniel clenched his fists and shook them vigorously. What’s wrong with them? Don’t they know the AC makes me go to the bathroom? Daniel thought to himself. He never went to public restrooms because they were filthy and normally there were spiders in the stalls. “What’s wrong with you?” Kristen shouted back at her older brother. “Kristen, I don’t need your help.” Mr. Moore looked at Kristen in the rearview mirror, then focused his eyes on Daniel. “Hey Daniel, you are not going to yell in this car.” Mr. Moore stated in a firm voice. “I DON’T CARE! Just shut up and open the window!” Daniel’s voice grew louder. Mrs. Moore tapped her husband just as he was getting ready to respond to Daniel. She turned around and asked in a patient voice, “Daniel, why do you want the windows open?” “Because I don’t like the air condition.” Mrs. Moore looked back at her husband and then turned back to look at Daniel. “Okay, why don’t you like the AC?” Daniel slowly started to loosen his tight fists. “Because…” he mumbled. “Because what?” “Because I’ll have to go to the bathroom soon.” 7 Mr. Moore looked at Mrs. Moore in the seat next to him and nodded his head as if a light bulb just went off in his head. “That’s all you had to tell us, Daniel. Use your words, don’t just yell at us.” Daniel turned back to look out the window. “Did you hear me, Daniel?”

“Okay…” he responded in a whining voice. Disneyland was crowded with people laughing and screaming with joy. The noise was deafening. At least I have my headphones, Daniel thought. He turned his music up just a little more to try and drown out all of the noise in the theme park. He reached for his mother’s hand and held it tight. Mrs. Moore gave him a smile. “Are you okay?” Daniel moved one of the headphones to the side of his ear so he could hear her better. “What?” He blurted out loudly. “I asked if you were ok.” “I’m fine,” he sighed. “I’m a little nervous.” “Nervous about what?” she questioned her son. “The fireworks, it’s really loud.” Daniel bit his fingers. He felt anxiety from all of the things that were going on around him. “Daniel, if you don’t want to stay for the fireworks we can leave before they start.” “I want to stay! I just don’t want to hear them.” “Okay, just make sure you don’t lose your headphones. If you have your headphones with you the fireworks won’t be too loud.” Daniel’s eyes widened. “Will I still hear them?” “Maybe a little, but they won’t be loud. The headphones that we got you block out sounds.” “What does that mean?” he asked, wrinkling his forehead. “That means you can’t hear what’s going on around you, or things just sound really far away.” “Ohh..” Daniel loved to watch fireworks, but the loud noises they made scared him. That’s why he liked to watch the fireworks from his house on the Fourth of July instead of at the park. The park was nearby the fireworks which made them louder. He could barely hear the fireworks from the back porch of his house. “Are you sure you want to stay for the fireworks, Daniel?” “Yes, I’m sure.” “Alright. Come let’s see if we can find Mickey Mouse.” Daniel continued to hold Mrs. Moore’s hand as they walked through the park. The Moore family had the best time at Disneyland. They saw Goofy, Elsa and Anna, Flynn Rider, Tinker Bell, Cinderella, and many others. They also saw Mickey Mouse, which made Daniel extremely happy. They got on almost all of the rides in the park and watched the Disneyland Parade. The sun had started to set and there were fewer people at the park, although it was still decently crowded. “Hey Dad, can I go on that one?” Andrew pointed to a dome-shaped building. “It’s called Space Mountain. All of my friends told me I have to try it!” “Sure, I’ll go with you.” Mr. Moore started to take off the baby carrier that Jonathan was sitting in. “I’ll go too,” Kristen chimed in. She turned to look at Daniel. “You coming?” “Um, sure.” Daniel let go of Mrs. Moore’s hand to follow his younger sister. “Daniel, wait for your father!” Mrs. Moore shouted as Mr. Moore finished strapping the baby carrier to her. “Alright let’s go!” Mr. Moore motioned to his kids. Andrew walked well in front of them as he headed into the line. Daniel’s excitement grew. He enjoyed roller coasters, there wasn’t any ride that he was afraid to go on. Unless there were things that jumped out at him on the ride. Daniel grabbed his father’s hand as they got closer to the coaster. He felt nervous from all of the different emotions that were rushing through him. They stood in line for almost an hour waiting to get on the Space Mountain roller coaster. Daniel held his dad’s hand the entire time. He noticed the looks that people gave him. He was glad that his dad was willing to hold his hand. Otherwise, he would have felt overwhelmed. Finally, it was their turn and the four of them boarded the roller coaster. “Put your headphones over there in the basket, Daniel. You can get it when we get off.” Daniel walked to the other side of the ride. He placed his mp3 player and headphones into the basket that held personal belongings. “Do you want to sit on the edge or in the middle?” Mr. Moore asked Daniel when he finished putting his headphones away. “Um, I guess the middle.” Mr. Moore let Daniel walk passed him before he took a seat on the outside of the roller coaster. “You ready?” “Yes,” Daniel answered as he lowered his harness. When the roller coaster started to move, everyone cheered. “Yeah!” Daniel yelled along with everyone else on the ride. The coaster slowly started its ascent. When the ride reached the top of the rails everyone was quiet. Then, suddenly, the coast raced down the track and everyone screamed. “Ahh!! Yeah!!! Let’s go!!!” After a series of twist and turns, the roller coaster came to a stop and everyone got off. “WOW! That was sick!” Andrew shouted as he jumped onto the platform. “That was definitely my favorite ride!” Kristen exclaimed while fixing her hair. “Did you like that ride Danny?” 8 Daniel smiled wide as he answered his father’s question. “Yes! It was so fast!” “Yeah, it sure was.”

When they exited the big dome, the sun was almost gone. They quickly found Mrs. Moore and Jonathan and looked for a place to watch the fireworks. They found a nice place near the water that had a few benches. “We can watch the fireworks from here.” Mr. Moore laid his backpack on one of the tables. “Can I go closer to the water?” “Sure Andrew, but be careful.” “Yes, ma’am.” Daniel headed towards the water. “Wait up!” Kristen called after her brother. “I’m coming with you.” Daniel took a seat at the table with his parents. He didn’t feel like running anymore, he was too tired from walking all day. He kicked his feet back and forth in his chair and began to zone out into his own imagination. “You might want to put your headphones on in a few minutes Daniel, the fireworks are going to start soon,” Mrs. Moore advised while she took baby Jonathan from Mr. Moore. Daniel reached for his neck to put his headphones over his head. Suddenly, his heart stopped and for a second he couldn’t move. Where is it? he wondered. He ran his hands down his shirt and patted his pants pocket. He looked all around him searching everyone with his eyes. Mrs. Moore noticed the frantic boy. “What’s wrong?” “My headphones! Where are they?” Mr. Moore looked up immediately from his phone. “Wait, what?” “I can’t find my headphones!” At that moment, Daniel was overwhelmed with anxiety and fear. His worst fear had come true. He made sure that he always had his headphones with him and now they were gone. “Okay, where did you last see them?” Mrs. Moore looked through her bag. “I don’t know!” “Think Daniel! Where did you last have them? Did you ever take them off?” At this point, Daniel was so scared he just wanted to cry. His mind raced with emotions and he couldn’t think straight. I just want mom to be quiet and find my headphones. He thought. Mr. and Mrs. Moore continued to ask Daniel questions about his headphones. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. He covered his ears with his hands and bit his tongue. “SHUT UP!!!!!” Daniel’s father quickly responded to him. “Don’t tell us to shut up! We are trying to help you!” “JUST FIND MY HEADPHONES!!” “Daniel, you won’t...” “SHUT UP!!!” “HEY! You were the one who lost them, I don’t have to help you!” With that, Daniel threw his brother’s toy, Lightning McQueen, right at his father. Too many people were talking to him at the same time, so he found the closest thing to him and just threw it. All Daniel wanted was for his parents to stop asking questions and find a solution to the problem. The fireworks were going to start soon after all. Mr. Moore was holding his chest where the car had it. “What’s wrong with you?!” Daniel’s eyes filled with tears. “Leave me alone!” He put his face on the table and just cried with his hands covering his ears. He knew what he did was wrong, but he didn’t know how to tell his parents what he was feeling. Mr. Moore stood up, still groaning in pain. He angrily told Mrs. Moore that he was going to check in the lost and found. Mrs. Moore stayed in her chair holding baby Jonathan. Fifteen minutes later, Mr. Moore returned holding Daniel’s headphones. “They were in the lost and found. A worker turned it in about 30 minutes ago.” Mr. Moore handed the headphones to Daniel. “What do you say?” Mr. Moore asked firmly. “Thank you.” Daniel took his headphones and put them over his ears. He knew that his father was still upset with him. “I’m sorry Dad,” he mumbled, waiting for his father’s response. Mr. Moore looked down at his son. “It’s okay, Daniel. You have to learn how to use your words! We can’t keep doing this.” “Okay.” Daniel turned back to look at the water. Five minutes after Daniel got his headphones back, the fireworks started. Kristen and Andrew ran back to the benches to join the rest of their family. Daniel couldn’t hear anything, which made him feel a lot better. Wow! It’s so cool! He thought. Mrs. Moore took Daniel’s hand and smiled at him. He smiled back, grateful for her forgiving spirit. Then, they both turned back towards the sky to enjoy the fireworks.

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