PART TWO: WHEN THINGS GO FROM BAD TO WORSE Posted by GWENNIE J on March 21, 2009 at 4:34pm in Peace4 the Abused Team
I LEFT WITH A GOOD PLAN ON MY HANDS. MY MISTAKE WAS THAT I HAD NO WHERE TO REALLY GO, AND LIKE SO MANY OTHER SHELTERS THEY DIDNT TAKE MALE CHILDREN OF A CERTAIN AGE. IT WAS A WOMANS SHELTER. I HAD TO TRY TO FIND SOMEONE FOR MY CHILDREN TO STAY WITH WHILE I WAS GETTING OUT. REMEMBERING THIS WAS IN THE 80'S. I WAS ABLE TO LIVE WITH A GIRLFRIEND OF MINE WITH THE KIDS, UNTIL HE FOUND OUT WHERE I LIVED AND INFILTRATED THE SECURITY MEASURES IN THE BUILDING, THEN CAME A KNOCK ON THE DOOR I ANSWERED IT THINKING IT WAS A NEIGHBOR AND POW, I GOT A RIGHT FIST RIGHT IN THE FACE. HE WANTED THE KEYS TO MY APARTMENT SO I GAVE THEM TO HIM JUST SO HE WOULD LEAVE ME ALONE. NO WHERE TO HIDE. I SOON WAS BACK AT MY APARTMENT TRYING TO GET THINGS WORKED OUT SO I COULD HAVE LOCKS CHANGED AND THE LEASE CHANGED, BUT I WOULD HAVE TO PAY FOR ALL OF THIS MYSELF. JUST TO BRING YOU BACK AROUND, MY FAMILY THOUGHT I WAS CRYING WOLF MOST OF THE TIME BECAUSE HE WAS SUCH A NICE MAN AND AROUND THEM HE WAS PERFECT, STRANGE AS IT WAS MOST OF MY BODIES BRUISING WERE LEFT IN PLACES PEOPLE COULD NOT SEE THEM, I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO WEAR CLOTHING THAT SHOWED ANY OF THEM, WHEN I WOULD SHOW THEM THE BRUISING THEY THOUGHT I HAD BEEN CARELESS AND BUMPING MYSELF ETC... MY FAMILY DIDNT COME AROUND, AS A MATTER OF FACT THERE WERE ONLY A COUPLE FAMILY MEMBERS WHO KNEW THE REAL TRUTH AND WOULD COME BY TO CHECK ON ME. I HAD NO FRIENDS BECAUSE HE WOULD RUN THEM AWAY. THE ONES I HAD TRIED TO HELP ME BUT USUALLY HE WOULD CAUSE SUCH PROBLEMS FOR THEM THEY WOULD END UP ASKING ME TO LEAVE SO THEY WOULD NOT GET KICKED OUT OF THIER HOMES. I KEPT LOSING JOBS BECAUSE OF THE WAY I WOULD LOOK OR THE FACT HE WOULD MAKE ME LATE FOR WORK ALL THE TIME. GOING THROUGH ABUSE AND THEN HEADING OFF TO WORK, ONLY TO GET TOLD TO GO HOME. I KEPT WORKING ON CHANGING THINGS A LITTLE AT A TIME. I WAS HAVING A REALLY HARD TIME. EVERYWHERE I WENT HE SEEMED TO FIND ME AND I WOULD JUST GIVE UP SOMETIMES. GOING BACK HOME SEEMED LIKE THE ONLY THING I COULD DO. BY THIS TIME IN THE RELATIONSHIP HE HAD BECOME A PERSON WHO WOULD BEAT ME JUST TO BEAT ME AND THEN HE WOULD FIND IT AROUSING AND RAPE ME. I REMEMBER FEELING SO VERY COLD INSIDE. EMOTIONS JUST WEREN’T THERE. NUMB AND JUST GONE. I DIDNT FEEL LIKE I HAD ANYWAY OUT. SO, GUESS WHAT I DECIDED THAT THE ONLY WAY I WOULD GET OUT IS IF I TOOK THINGS INTO MY OWN HANDS. THE COPS COULD NEVER FIND HIM AND AFTER 28 REPORTS THEY JUST DIDNT TRY ANYMORE. ONE DAY I REMEMBER COMING HOME FROM WORK, I HAD A REALLY HIGH FEVER AND I HAD COOKED DINNER AND THERE WAS MAYBE 4 DISHES IN THE SINK, HE BEGAN HARASSING ME WITH THINGS LIKE IM GOING TO CALL CPS ON YOU FOR BEING SO NASTY DISHES IN THE SINK ETC. I HAD MADE A BABIES ROOM OUT OF THE BIG WALK IN PANTRY IN MY KITCHEN AREA WHICH WAS ABOUT THE SIZE OF A
SMALL BEDROOM, HE WOULD SAY THINGS TO ME LIKE WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY WILL DO WHEN THEY SEE WHERE OUR DAUGHTER SLEEPS ETC.... THEN HE WOULD GO OUTSIDE COME BACK IN SCREAM IN MY EAR THINGS LIKE YOU’RE A PIECE OF CRAP AND THAT NO ONE WILL EVER WANT YOU, YOU’RE NOT WORTH ANYTHING, ETC.... I TOLD HIM TO GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE I WAS SICK AND DIDNT FEEL LIKE DEALING WITH THAT RIGHT NOW, HE SCREAMED IN MY EAR HE DIDNT REALLY CARE WHAT I FELT LIKE, THEN I TOLD HIM IF HE DIDNT STOP HE WOULD BE SORRY, LITTLE DID I KNOW I WAS REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT IT. HE WENT BACK OUTSIDE TO WORK ON HIS STEREO SYSTEM IN HIS CAR FOR A BIT AND THEN HE CAME BACK IN WENT BACK TO THE KITCHEN SINK AND CAME IN TO ASK ME WHY I HADNT GOTTEN UP AND DID THE DISHES YET, I TOLD HIM BECAUSE I AM NOT FEELING GOOD IM SICK, HE JUST KEPT ON AND THEN FOR THE FIRST TIME HE STOPED MESSING WITH ME AND HE CALLED MY DAUGHTER AND MY SON OUT OF THE BEDROOM AND STARTED TO MESS WITH THEM, HE CALLED MY SON A FAGGOT AND TOLD MY DAUGHTER SHE WAS A RETARD WITH A BIG MESSED UP HEAD, SHE WAS 3 AND MY SON WAS 5. I TOLD HIM LEAVE THEM ALONE AND HE STARTED THIS SMERKY LAUGHING AND SAID WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT. I WAITED UNTIL HE STARTED WALKING OUT THE DOOR AND I WENT TO THE KITCHEN AND I GOT A BUTCHER KNIFE, I PUT THE KIDS IN THE BEDROOM AND THEN I TOOK OUT AFTER HIM. I CHASED HIM AROUND THE PARKING LOT UNTIL I FINALLY STABBED HIM IN THE SIDE OF THE NECK AND THE PALM OF THE HAND WHICH JUST HAPPENED TO BE COVERING HIS HEART. FINALLY HE OUTRAN ME AND WENT INSIDE THE HOUSE AND LOCKED THE DOOR, AT THAT POINT I DECIDED TO STAB THE DOOR SEVERAL DIFFERENT TIMES AND I WAS JUST HISTERICAL. I HID OUT FOR A LITTLE BIT WITH A FRIEND AND THEN I GOT ON THE PHONE TO THE POLICE DEPARTMENT AND I WENT AND TURNED MYSELF IN. THE DETECTIVE WHO TOOK THE REPORT JUST TOLD ME THAT HE WAS SORRY THAT I HAD NOT GOT HIM SOMEWHERE ELSE. HE RELEASED ME AND HE CALLED THE REPORT SELF DEFENSE. I HAD NO CHARGES WHAT I AM TRYING TO GET AT HERE BEFORE YOU GET TO THIS POINT IN A RELATIONSHIP, IS TO JUST GET OUT. CALL A FRIEND, CALL A FAMILY MEMBER, CALL A SAFE PLACE OR CALL A HOTLINE. VIOLENCE DOESNT SOLVE ANYTHING IN A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RELATIONSHIP. YOU CAN END UP IN JAIL OR PRISON WITHOUT YOUR CHILDREN, WITHOUT A LIFE, AND ISNT THAT WHAT YOU DESERVE AFTER ALL A LIFE. USE A SAFETY PLAN AND GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN BEFORE IT TURNS FROM BAD TO WORSE, IT WONT BE IN YOUR FAVOR IF YOU LOSE CONTROL. HERE IS INFORMATION FOR YOU TO CALL IF YOU ARE IN A SITUATION AND NEED ASSISTANCE: Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services. If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY