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THE POSTPANDEMIC FAMILY

COVID-19 forced families to get back to basics. How can we capitalize on that as busy routines resume? | BY JASON SABO

While there struggles families are facing. They have seen a lot of families dealing with is no doubt are real, and families are dealing with stressful situations. However, I have that COextremely difficult situations that have also seen a great deal of resilience, both VID-19 will threatened their basic need for safety by parents and children. I have seen have longand security. However, the pandemic families adapt by eating more family term mental can be an opportunity for our resildinners together, rediscovering “old health implications, some of the changience to shine through and to show school” board games, going on family es that forced families to spend time our children how to make the best of walks and taking trips to local parks. together during stay-at-home, work-ateven the worst situations. The circumstances of the pandemic home and virtual learning may have We are not always in control of our have created an unexpected reset, alpositive impacts. circumstances, but we are in control of lowing families to simplify their lives

I do not want to invalidate the our attitude. Within this pandemic, I in many ways.

Family resilience is built by finding flexibility to react to changing circumstances, leading to cooperation and closer family bonds.

The pandemic has given families the opportunity to spend more time together and get back to basics. Any time we change the “normal routine,” there will also be changes in other areas, sometimes good and sometimes not so good. Psychologist Urie Bronfenbrenner developed the Ecological Systems Theory to explain the interaction between children’s environments. He termed the different environments as “ecological systems,” ranging from home to the larger school system, and then to the most expansive system, which is society and culture.

Each system interacts with and influences each other. Think of it like throwing a rock in a calm pond. Each ring stands for a different system. Multiple rocks thrown in the pond (stressors) create ripples. The more ripples the more stress. Occasionally, a boulder is thrown in the pond, which throws everything off. This pandemic is a giant boulder. It has affected every area of functioning. A new normal has been slowly created.

Children have more control of their time, allowing them to manage more of their day, which can encourage independent behaviors such as preparing snacks, doing chores and resolving sibling disputes when parents must focus on work.

There are many ways to help children learn to be more independent and accountable. I encourage parents to buy their children’s “snacks” at the beginning of the week and allow the child to ration them throughout the week. Oftentimes children will eat all of them the first day. The rest of the week will be a reminder of the lesson. Generally, the following week they make snacks last longer.

It is also important to have a list of daily expectations. When possible, pair internet use with accomplishing expectations. In my house, we have found creative ways to encourage physical activities. Our children are allowed two hours of electronics each day. They can add an hour of electronics time for each mile they run. My 13-year-old ran 24 miles the first week. (We had to change the system after that!)

Involving children in the work of the family helps their self-regard and responsibility, increasing self-esteem.

I personally believe children of all ages should have household obligations or chores. I see many parents who take care of everything for their children, which can result in children being inadequately prepared for life and taking care of themselves. The goal is giving our children the skills necessary to handle whatever life throws at them. This will change with age. At an early age it may be hygiene or how to dress themselves. As they get older, it may be the ability to self-regulate, be disciplined or to solve problems.

It is important to set expectations. These expectations can include making their bed, putting their clothes away, doing dishes, sweeping and taking out the trash. As children get older, they can have more responsibilities, while keeping in mind their No. 1 responsibility is education.

Children have more time to rest without commutes to school, work and after-school activities.

Many children have an additional three hours of sleep that they would have spent on the bus or in transit. However, it is important to avoid the tendency to wake up, roll out of bed and turn on the computer. Parents are encouraged to treat every day, especially days children attend virtual school, as if children were going to physical school. They should get up, take a shower, eat breakfast and dress appropriately. This is a big part of respect for both themselves and others and keeping a routine.

As we return to busy schedules, how can parents support gains made in family life by simplifying?

The trick is achieving balance through a blend of unstructured play, child-centered organized activities and rich parent-child interactions. 1. Put academics first. Ask children about their day at school (or virtual school). Ask them to teach you about a lesson they recently learned.

2. Maintain healthy boundaries

on electronics. Most children are not automatically good at setting limits with electronics. Set limits and stick to them.

3. Choose activities wisely and include your child in selecting their

activities. Children are much more willing to do things that were their idea. 4. Don’t overcommit. Pay attention to potential warning signs that a child is over-scheduled including a change in sleep patterns, a change in appetite, irritability, lethargy or a drop in grades. 5. Enforce family time. Make it a priority to have family dinners or family game nights. Remember, as parents we set the mood. Be excited and encouraging about the activity.

6. Introduce new expectations or changes in routines before they

officially start. As the new normal is being defined, it’s important to realize that this, too, will be a change and will require understanding. Parents need to help children make transitions by encouraging communication. Children must be aware of expectations and be involved in the process. Set family goals and individual goals for the school year.

Continuing the “we’re in this together” bond and setting positive routines will help to positively redefine the post-pandemic family.

ASK THE EXPERT We welcome questions from readers. Ask us anything. We’ll find the answer. Send your question to editor@ swflparentchild.com with “Ask the Expert” in the subject line. Jason Sabo is the site supervisor at Lee Health’s Pediatric Behavioral Health Practice. He specializes in child and adolescent psychology.