19 minute read
Community HallowTeen beneficiary St. Vincent de Paul
St. Vincent de Paul
‘Restoring hope through faith and love’
azTeen is excited to announce that the beneficiary of the azHallowTeen Bash ’09 gate proceeds is the St. Vincent De Paul Society of Phoenix, a branch of an international non-profit organization dedicated to serving the Valley poor with nearly every aspect of their lives.
SVdP conducts a lot of home visits to see exactly what needs each client has. Food, clothing and hygiene products are distributed, and clients may eat dinner at the Mesa or downtown Phoenix SVdP location. They can also receive medical and dental care. Thrift stores provide some of the funds to keep the operation running.
The volunteers even help with issues regarding rent and utilities. Each year, St. Vincent de Paul moves more than 10 million pounds of food through its food bank, helps thousands of homeless people get off the street and prepares more than 1 million hot meals for the hungry.
Mesquite senior Meghan Becker has volunteered extensively with her mom, Jackie, for SVdP. She has done a lot of home visits and says that they opened her eyes to the needs in her community.
“Once we get to the house, we usually help them put the food away, and in many cases we talk to the people about any financial issues we can help them with,” Meghan says. “I really enjoy helping out with SVDP because it’s great to see how you are directly helping these people. I am very proud to be a part of such an incredible organization. I have been humbled from the experience.”
It is very easy to get involved with St. Vincent de Paul. There is no specific age requirement as long as an older, more experienced “Vincentian”
is there to train or help. Although SVdP is a Catholic organization, volunteers definitely do not have to be Catholic to help. Volunteers come from every type of ethnic, religious and economic background. No one is every turned away from volunteering and the experience is always gratifying. Volunteers say that the great thing about St. Vincent de Paul is the lack of boundaries when it comes to assisting the poor. Since there are no official rules on what they can and cannot help with, no one is every turned away from receiving help. Staff and volunteers always try to find someway to help each person “i am very proud to be a part of such an incredible organization. i have been humbled from the experience.” no matter what the need. For more information on volunteering or to learn about SVdP’s many programs, check it out at www. StVincentDePaul.net or call Volunteer Services at 602.261-6870. – Community Editor Yassamin Ansari, Chaparral ‘10
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P hy ‘10 Photos: Jesus A P onte, Bro
i love you, man! Guys keep the bromance alive with their buds
Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey do it.
So do Brad Pitt and George Clooney, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, and Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson. A couple of generations ago, it was Paul Newman and Robert Redford.
Ahhh, to be strong and manly and in love with another guy!
No, silly, not like that. A bromance is straight-guy love, a BFF relationship between dudes who do dude stuff together: Basketball. Skating. Halo 3. Setting things on fire. Free-running. Driving around, listening to loud, bassladen music. Going to the mall (but only sometimes and not for very long and not to just browse but maybe to check out the girls and get some numbers). azTeen research has indicated that from a quarter to a half of our readers are guys. This story, though, isn’t really for them, except maybe as a validation. It’s for the other one-half of our readers – you know, the girls – who want to understand what makes guys tick. (Yes, males, you are as confusing to them as they are to you).
So, in the interest of promoting greater understanding between the sexes, we asked some very compelling questions about bro friendship to a few willing guys.
What do guys like to do together? They don’t seem to be like girls, who go shopping or do each other’s nails, stuff like that.
“Guys like to go to the gym, lift weights and try to pick up girls. We’re each other’s wing-men.” – Ian Parker, Brophy ‘12
“Sports. Go driving. Do something we shouldn’t be doing, like stealing signs and cones.” – anthony nakamura, Shadow Mountain ‘10
“Guys tend to just do anything that involves or allows them to be lazy.” – nIck Latona, GilBert ‘12
“We like to chill, talk about life, tell funny stories, beat up on each other for fun sometimes. We do shop, just usually not for senseless things.” – Jarret BaILey, Brophy ‘11
Do guys ever talk about their feelings to each other?
“All the time, but probably not as much as girls do. You talk about your feelings with your true best friends, but girls seem to talk about them to whoever will listen.” – Seth meLIne, deSert Mountain ‘12
“Guys talk about their feelings, especially when they’re going through a tough time.” – Garrett neBeker, Brophy ‘11
“Almost literally never. Only on those few rare sentimental occasions late at night.” – nIck
Do guys “kiss and tell” – aka, lockerroom talk – the way the stereotype would indicate?
“Ha, no. It just gets around to them as time comes, unless the girl is hot. Then the guy brags.” – anthony
“For guys, kissing and telling is a common way to show off and exaggerate.” – Ian
“Depends on how attractive the girl was. Ha ha.” – Seth
“Guys do not kiss and tell like the stereotype at all. Almost all guys respect women and don’t say stereotypical stuff what people think. If guys are in a relationship they actually care about then they will almost always respect her and not kiss and tell just to man up in front of friends.” – thomaS GaLewSkI, notre daMe ‘11
“Some do, some don’t. It depends on how big of a d-bag that guy is.” – nIck
When guys fight, do they usually get over it pretty fast? How is it different than when girls fight?
“Guys fight and then forget about it in like two minutes.” – anthony
“When guys fight, it never really lasts that long. We get over it pretty fast. It is different from girls, because they seem to hold grudges a lot more.” – Garrett
“We get over it incredibly quick, sometimes in a matter of seconds. Girls usually lean towards using verbal assault, while guys are physical.” – nIck
“Guys either get over it really fast or we just forget about the person and move on. Girls fight and really try to hurt each other in many ways. It’s horrible sometimes.” – Jarret
How are guy friendships different from girl/girl or girl/guy friendships?
“Guys are a lot less intimate and touchy than girls.” – Ian
“Guy/guy friendships are more personal, and nothing can come between them.” – Jarret
“Guys think that guy/guy relationships as being best buds or pals. Girl/girl or guy/girl relationships are seen as more intimate or emotionally involved.” – thomaS
“Guy/guy friendships are really strong in my opinion because your best guy friend is the guy you can really open up to and be sensitive around, which isn’t easy for a lot of guys to do. Girl/girl friendships seem to be full of emotion and sensitivity. Girl/guy friendships are the best because you can get a girl’s opinion and they often won’t judge you as much as a guy would. If I’m ever having problems, I go to my best ‘gal pal.’” – Seth
Do guys reveal real secrets to each other? Are they honest with each other?
“Sharing secrets is regular for guys in a bromance. You can trust and rely on each other.” – Ian
“They don’t reveal secrets, but they are either straight up or else you can tell if they’re lying.” – anthony
“A guy revealing secrets depends on who they are talking to and if they can trust the person they talk to.” – thomaS
“That’s another giant nope! If you tell a guy friend your secrets, they’ll most likely either make fun of you or tell everyone they know.” – nIck “Guys seem to be really honest and reveal secrets to each other. But again, those are only to our real best friends. Girls seem to claim they have a million best friends and open up to everybody. Guys have their best friends, and then other friends they don’t open up to.” – Seth
When guys sleep over at each other’s houses, do they share a bed? Is it weird?
“Sometimes. It’s not weird. I mean, we don’t cuddle or anything.” – Garrett
“I always make them sleep on the floor.” – nIck
“Yes, guys share a bed, and it depends on how long you’ve known the guy. If you’re like brothers, it’s not weird.” – Jarret
“Barely. And it’s not weird for some guys unless you’re too cool to even touch a guy, like a dogpile.” – anthony
“Depends on the guy. I know plenty of guys that will set up a mattress on the floor or something, but I personally am always sharing a bed, depending on the size of the bed.” – Seth
Do guys text each other or talk on the phone endlessly the way girls do, or is it usually just to work out plans and that sort of thing?
“Just to work out plans and stuff. If one of my guy friends called me just to say hi and see how my day was going, it’d be a little weird.” – Seth
“I have talked on the phone with a guy for over six hours.” – Jarret
“Guys text to make plans, ask for something or just ‘cause they’re bored and want something to do. Conversations between guys rarely become interesting enough to lose sleep over.” – thomaS
BFFs No More
SometImeS keePInG a frIend JuSt ISn’t worth the trouBLe
Nina Seethaler thought her friendships were solid. So when she introduced her two closest friends to each other, she figured that things would be even better – three times the fun, three times the camaraderie, three times the support. At first, that was true.
But before long, the Three Amigos became the Dynamic Duo, angling for popularity and an in with a more popular crowd. Nina, a senior at North Canyon, was the odd girl out. The friendships officially ended when one of the girls, whom Nina had known since they were in diapers, pulled her aside and told her flat-out that Nina was no longer welcome to hang with her former pals.
As painful as the loss of these friendships was, perhaps Nina was better off. Maybe she even would have ended the relationships herself in time.
“When you know the friend never has your back, it’s time to break it off,” says Xavier junior Sabrina Salerno. “I’ve gone through that before, when they just don’t seem to care about your feelings.”
Sometimes friendships just run their course. Neither of you is the same person you were in elementary or junior-high school, so maybe it’s unreasonable to expect to have the same friendship you had then.
That was the case with Mallory*, who met Pam* in the eighth grade and grew close to her over the next couple of years. Though their personalities and interests weren’t always in sync, they always had fun together and could tell each other almost anything. They were, without a doubt, each other’s best friend.
That changed last year, when both were juniors at a Gilbert high school.
“She was into things that I wasn’t going to do,” says Mallory, who asked that her real name not be used. “I was a varsity athlete and she was a stoner. I didn’t see it that way at the time, but when you get down to it, that’s the truth. We had different values and interests, and I outgrew the friendship.”
Some drama within friendships is just growing pains as each person evolves and changes. Sometimes the changes are so great that the friendship can’t survive, or at least not be as close as it has always been.
“If you’ve had problems for a while and made countless efforts to make things better, the time sometimes comes where you just eventually give up,” says Xavier senior Chelsea Groen. For most teens, high school is all about finding the right “click,” and when two people have different interests, it’s hard to expect the click to work.
Of course, there are other situations when friendships come to a more shattering end.
Saguaro senior Jose Rosas lost a so-called “friend” when the friend openly pursued Jose’s then-girlfriend. After months of backstabbing and drama, the boys decided to call it a draw and end their friendship.
For guys, who tend not to hold grudges, it sometimes takes something this dramatic to cause a break in a friendship. Sometimes, though, a blow-up doesn’t necessarily mean that a friendship is over for good. “Relationships tend to end when one person does something specific that the other doesn’t like,” says Brophy senior Marcus Papadopoulos. “If you have a talk with the friend, the two of you can usually back off for a while. After a while, you might realize the person is cool and we should keep hanging out.”
Or, you could end up like Mallory and Pam.
“I’m not sorry we were friends,” Mallory says, “but I don’t miss her. It’s like summer camp or a hobby you have for a while and then quit. You just move on.”
We’re just friends. no, seriously!
There’s a country song that’s popular right now with lyrics that sum up the conundrum faced by every girl – at least those with a boyfriend – who has one or more close guy friends:
“Do you remember the day I turned to you and said I didn’t like the way he was lookin’ at you/And how he made you laugh/And you couldn’t get what I was sayin’/It was my imagination/So do you believe me now? I guess I wasn’t that crazy/And I knew what I was talkin’ ‘bout/ Every time the sun goes down/He’s the one that’s holdin’ you baby…”
Obviously, this naïve girl didn’t see the “friend” as a threat to her relationship. But, as so often is the case in country songs, the wise, heartbroken narrator/boyfriend knew better.
But what about in the real world? Aren’t there plenty of straight guys and girls, either with significant others or not, who are just friends?
Turns out, there is no easy answer to that question.
Both teens and adults disagree about whether or not these relationships can ever be straightforward friendships with no romantic tension. There is one consensus, though: If either party on any level wants more than a friendship or resents his or her friend’s suitors of the opposite sex, all parties are fooling themselves if they think it is perfectly innocent.
“I had a girl whom I thought of as a close friend,” says Trevor*, a Mountain Pointe junior who asked that his last name not be used. “I started dating someone, and my ‘friend’ acted really weird. At first, I didn’t see it, but my girlfriend did. The other girl was really manipulative and jealous, even though she tried to make it look like she was just protective of me.”
Perhaps Trevor’s friend didn’t want to be his girlfriend, but he quickly found that she didn’t want anyone else to be his girlfriend either. But there are plenty of cases when one “friend” clearly wants more out of the relationship than the other.
“It’s obvious that guys and girls can be just friends if indeed they are ‘just friends,’” says Chaparral senior Logan Bilby. “But when one of them has actual feelings towards the other it is hard to simply stand by and just be friends when you want to be so much more.”
Other times, both individuals are ready to take the next step and eagerly dive into a relationship. There are positive and negative aspects of a serious relationship evolving from the best-friend bond.
Saguaro student Jessica Ludwick found happiness with her best friend and doesn’t see it as potentially problematic.
“If my boyfriend and I had stayed ‘friends,’ we would not be going on our ninth month of dating,” says Jessica, who was good friends with her boyfriend, Joe, for months before they started dating. “For some reason there has always been an attraction, and we didn’t want to fight it.”
She sees their friendship as a huge plus in the success of their relationship. They had similar interests, shared a close bond and loved spending time together. Taking the next step just allowed them to expand the bond and become even better friends.
But if they break up, the friendship is doomed, right?
Not necessarily. Cailey Indech dated her best guy friend for more than eight months. They broke up but remain close, but the Chaparral senior admits that jealousy does occasionally rear its ugly head.
“Naturally, there will be jealousy when the other person is dating someone else,” Cailey says. “The amount of time they can spend with you changes, and it is hard not to be jealous of that time that was once spent together.”
Cailey points out, though, that this is not exclusive to guy/girl friendships. It holds true for girl/girl and guy/guy friendship as well. When comparing the different types of friendships, a guy/girl friendship can have huge advantages that, for some people, may outweigh the disadvantages.
“I love having guy friends because girls are too catty,” Cailey says. “Guys are really easy to talk to and don’t judge as much as other girls do.” Many girls agree that a guy friend can be a great source to just relax, have fun, and let off steam without worrying about typical girl drama. Girls generally like to have a really close guy friend because most girls appreciate a male perspective on certain situations.
The same goes for guys. Brophy student Scott Franz says that “having a best girl friend is great because it can give an insight into the world of the opposite sex.” For a guy, a girl is often times a great confidant with whom they can be more sensitive emotionally.
There’s another type of guy/girl friendship that isn’t talked about much in country songs: Friends with benefits. These relationships give both parties someone to hook up with, no strings attached.
Dobson junior Andrew, who asked that his last name not be used, has a friends-with-bennies relationship with Amanda. They started out as friends in the traditional sense, but both wanted more – just not quite more as in a boyfriend/ girlfriend thing.
“Amanda and I tried to be just friends, but eventually the fact that we were still attracted to each other got in the way,” Andrew says. “Ultimately we had to address it because it wouldn’t go away.”
Their situation gets sticky when one or the other has a girl- or boyfriend.
“We always end up fighting because one of us gets jealous,” he says. “As much as we pretend that we don’t care, realistically, it can piss us off and sometimes hurts our friendship.”
Most parents would say that this is a perfect spot for an I Told You So. But even if we’re talking about innocent friendships, a lot of adults scoff at the idea that it can work.
“Some parents do not believe in friendships between the sexes,” says Chaparral student Cade Harner. “Every time I go hang out with a girl, my mother asks me if we’re dating.”
So does all of this mean that, like in country songs, we’re all better off with just our dogs, our trucks and friends of the same gender? Not necessarily. But it does mean that we need to be honest with ourselves and each other.
“It would be easy to get off on the flattery of having a girl think of me as more than a friend,” says Mountain Pointe’s Trevor, “but it also felt dishonest. If we’re friends, we’re friends. If you want more, be honest about it and let me decide if that’s what I want too.”
just this once, let it be all about you
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