LISTENER

By Eva Liu

I listen to her whining the whole night

So I don’t miss the moment

When she calls for me again: “Daddy”

I sit there silently by the cradle

Afraid that my thoughts disturb her sleep

I listen to the thump of her knees against the floor and simultaneously my heart pinches

So I close my ears and my mouth since she needs to learn how to walk by herself

Because I can’t promise I can always stand behind her when she falls

I listen to her crayons streak across the paper

Examining each mark of my favorite artist

I save all her doodles in a drawer

Since I can’t decide which one to frame

Maybe the family portrait she draws for us

I listen to her giggles and screams

As I play the game “Balloon” with her

Lifting her up to the sky to see her eyes smile

Maybe she will never know my arms get sore

I hope she will never fly away like a balloon

I listen to the shift of the elevator

So I can hand her her favorite Hello Kitty slippers

As her tiny peachy hand reaches for the doorbell

She jumps over the threshold in her silver sandals

She never notices that I put her shoes on the shelf

I listen to the blinking of her eyelashes

So I can carry her to her bedroom

Put her favorite teddy bear in her arms

Kiss her goodnight, pull up her blanket

And tiptoe out of the room till she is in sweet dreams

I listen to her fingers dance on the six strings

How I wish to be the only one to hear her play

She sings a song for me that night

I don’t want my little girl to worry

So I shut my eyes with tears and turn away

I listen to her coughs and sneezes

So I can pour a glass of water

And hand her a tissue before anyone else

I drive her to the hospital, honking at cars in my way

And attempt to remember the doctor’s every word.

I listen to the swing of her ponytail as I silently watch her shadow fade away She doesn’t pause, turn around, and say bye Even though a part of me desperately begged her to So I wait again, at the school gate, and listen If everyone treats her right on the first day of school

I listen to her heart flying away As her feet grow out of silver sandals So I hold my breath and look for a trace A clue of where she is going And how I can find her She is rebellious now, but still adorable

I listen to her pen scribbling illegible numbers I hope she still admires me

Since I can’t be her math tutor anymore So I cut a watermelon into pieces And put it on her desk

I listen to the howling of the wind So I rise from my cozy bed And close the window in her room There I saw the untouched watermelon

I listen to her sighs before finals

So I climb up the stairs and knock on her door I wait for her to rant but instead She is indifferent, and tells me To please stop bothering her

I listen to her blowing the candle on her sixteenth birthday cake

I worry if she is still my little girl

I know I have to let go

I can’t follow her around

I listen to her indignant tapping

Of the keyboard, her nails

Click and clack to send the text

I wonder if everything is okay

But I doubt that she will tell me the truth

I listen to her quiet cries

After our fight, she misunderstands me

Since I normally don’t lecture her

And for the first time I stop listening And everything goes so wrong

I listen to her say yes to the proposal

To a man that isn’t as handsome as I am

I guess he loves her to death

But no one will love her more than I do

I lose her as she swore an oath in that white dress

I listen to her painful yet joyful screams

When she gives birth to another baby girl

Whose eyes look exactly like mine

I smile at the baby girl but before picking her up

I sit by my little girl and squeeze her sweaty hand

I listen to her phone call to my wife

She hasn’t called in two months

I know she must have been busy with the baby

She asks my wife about diapers and pre-school

And I remember her baby’s eyes

That look exactly like mine

I listen to her gentle whispers

“Mom, how’s Dad?”

My wife says I miss my little girl

And I wait for her response –

“I know, I know he’s listening to me.”