Steps To Finding Your Intended Love Mate Tahirah Olufemi Copyright © 2012 by Tahirah Olufemi Other Titles By Tahirah Olufemi: Get Your Ex Back: The Guide To Re-kindling Your Relationship Loverscopes: Love & Sex Astrology For Women Meeting Again: Reincarnation & Soul Mate Connections Egyptian Charms, Postions & Love Spells
Step 1: Where are you right now? I believe that in order to create and experience an extraordinary, tremendous and fulfilling relationship, you must first work on being the ONE before you can find with the ONE. Creating the relationship that will transform your life may not just ‘happen’- but inside of you, right in this very moment, you do have the power to find, create, and reconnect with the love of a lifetime. First of all, you have to overcome your fears, have loads of self-awareness around who you are at your core, and master the skills and disciplines that will transform your existing relationships, your future relationships, and your entire life... When I work my individual clients, the first step we take is to assess exactly where they are right in that moment in relation to the change they are seeking to make, or the dream they want to fulfill. By doing this, it helps my clients understand where they are now, versus where they want to be within in their lives. The difference between where they are right now- as opposed to where they want to be- is the gap in between. It’s really important for my clients to understand that
gap- so that we can get a hold of the reality of the situation and put together a plan of action, bring in resources and work together to bridge that gap. So, where are you right now? 1. Amazing Love - An awesome, inspiring relationship with both love and passion This is the place every couple wants to be in! There is loads of connection, fun, spontaneity, passion in your relationship. There is an amazing level of trust and fulfillment- and it really seems as though all your emotional, spiritual and physical needs are being met. You feel like you never want this relationship to end! 2. Deep Love - A relationship with love and connection, but may be lacking in passion You have a deep love within this relationship, and others may think that your relationship is comfortable, sturdy and solid. Although you have a deep connection and love with your partner, you may feel as though something is missing or want to regain the passion that you once had. Perhaps there has only been love present and no passion since you met? 3. Neither here nor there - A relationship with not much love, not much passion You may be living with your partner, and may have been involved for a long time together. There also may be children involved, and despite feeling comfortable together - there may be little love and emotional connection is nonexistent. You may have already found a way to meet your needs elsewhere, or outside of the relationship through work, hobbies or found solace in other people. You may find that there are times when your partner’s habits annoying, and there may be friction present in the relationship the way that it currently is. You may push these inner feelings away, and tell yourself that this is life, that you don’t dislike your partner enough to leave- and aren’t
exactly overjoyed at the thought of living like this forever either. This position is a sign that there is a loss of connection and that the relationship will continue to deteriorate unless you take actions to turn it around. Think of the cycle of life and what you may be contributing to in the future for your kids. 5. Single - but looking! - You are not in a relationship currently but would like to be in one. Maybe you have never been in a committed relationship, or have had a partner leave you, or you have escaped from an ugly situation. You may have been single for a while- stressing that you will repeat similar patterns to your past situation. Although it may be fearful to be in this position- this can also be a great place to start fresh! Read through this E Book and identify what type of relationship you would LOVE to be in, what you want and clarify what you can do to get there. Be mindful and open to working on yourself before getting into another relationship and be careful that you don’t take on limiting or destructive beliefs for your future relationships. 6. Single and NOT looking! - You are not in a relationship and not interested to be in one. You are really safe and private; being in this place is perfect for avoiding the potential hurt that can come from being in a relationship. Hurt also brews fear of a similar situation occurring. By staying in this place- do you realize that you are missing out on the greatest connection that we can experience in our lifetime? Can you imagine the magnitude and effect of what you are missing out on emotionally and spiritually by shutting yourself off to love? Give yourself a chance to read through this E Book, and open yourself up to the possibility of filtering in an amazing, loving relationship for yourself. Take a moment for reflection and work through the following questionstaking action on your learnings will help the information sink in your unconscious layers. _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________
_ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Bringing a Life-long Love into manifestation can be nearly as effortless if you first have a clear vision of what she will be like. Clarity is Power. The clearer you are on exactly what you want, the more your brain and unconscious will know how to search for it. Remember to be specific and focus on aspects that you desire to feel in this relationship. Breathe into these feelings while visualizing your new life with your soul mate. If you are having difficulty visualizing this on your own- enquire about our Manifestation Audio that can guide you through this. Next, begin to list the qualities of the personality that most appeals to you. Finally, and most importantly, add to this list descriptions of how you will feel in this relationship. Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine how you feel as you are walking
through life with this special person. Do you feel love, cherished and adored? Do you feel connected, trusting, joyful and serene? If you are already in a Relationship- this can still apply to you as well - you can focus on what you need to do to manifest a deeper love,an unconditional love with no boundaries. Consider what you personally would love more of in your relationship, better communication? More intimacy? Spending more time together? ŠBy simply shifting your focus on what you can do to bring those aspects into your existing relationship- you are unconsciously creating ripples for change. If you aim to give more of that which you are seeking- your partner unconsciously will have no choice but to reciprocate that kindness and that trust, that communication. Become the catalyst for the change you are seeking.. And then- when you are ready- release and surrender this into the Universe _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Do you feel love, cherished and adored? Do you feel connected, trusting, joyful and serene? Step 2: Surrender, Relax And Let Go! Take a moment to think about a past relationship where you really, really hoped that they were the "one." You may have to dig deep into your past to do this.
Ok, once you can get past the visuals, story and details of what happened, and your memories of that old flame; I'll bet you are now happy that your wishes for him or her to ‘be the one’ didn't come true. Sometimes we have to let go of what we think we want or need- in order to let the divine timing of the Universe work in our favor. Let’s face it; we can’t control anything in life except our own thoughts, feelings and emotions. Although I do admit, sometimes it would be nice to be able to! Sure, planning is the responsible thing to do and yes it is up to you to get shaking and moving in the direction of your dreams. So put in all the effort, make the plans that you feel necessary, and take the steps that you require- and the smart thing is to then let go of your attachment to the outcome. I have found that the key to surrendering and letting go - is to trust that I can be clear about everything I want (love, happiness, fulfillment) without having to be obsessive about it. Whether you are in a relationship already or searching for that everlasting love.. often we need to Let go of your need to be the boss of the Universe, let go of your past relationships, and live in gratitude for the love and happiness that you have in your life right now, trusting that so much more is on the way! In order to attract your dream partner- your Love Affair- you must create positive space in your life. This also works for people currently in a relationship- that can’t seem to fully commit to the relationship- or where there is uncertainty present. It is now time to clear out the old relationships, and cut the ties from your past. When two people become really close, in tune, and share in life, love and energy it will be the case that we have a ‘cord’ of energy and attachment to them. This even occurs in our friendships or with family!
There are different types of situations we face in life that are difficult. Ending relationships ranks pretty high up in the "tough stuff" category. It doesn't matter if you were the person who walked away or if someone else left you, a loss is felt either way. It is especially painful if a relationship ends without closure. Do you ever find yourself dreaming about that ex partner? Or understanding that even though the relationship has ended, you still find yourself daydreaming or thinking about them from time to time? Unfortunately, there are times when people separate and what they don't realize is that they may very well still have a cord attached. The intact cord is a spiritual, energetic channel for continuous feeding on each other’s old emotions and anxieties. This may still be happening even if you separated years ago, or no longer have contact with each other, and have moved onto another relationship! Visualize a foot or walking bridge over a small stream in your mind. Imagine yourself standing on the far end of this bridge. Now imagine that the person you want to cut the tie with is standing on the opposite end of the bridge. When you feel ready to energetically connect with the other person begin walking slowly to the middle of the bridge. Allow the other person to walk toward you, meeting you half way. Once you are in eye contact with one another you may begin communicating through inner dialogue. You can imagine a cord between you that is linking you both- and now is the opportunity to cut that tie. Before cutting the cord- however- it would be a great idea to tell the person what your feelings are. This is not a time to be angry or be holding onto grudges you are just releasing the energetic tie.
Tell the person that you are sorry for all of the things you said or did that hurt him/her. Tell him/her that you are forgiving him/her for all the hurtful things that were said or done in your relationship. Give yourself a moment to say your good-byes, wishing each other well in your separateness. Now you are free to visualize yourself turning around and walk off the bridge. Step 3: Changing Limiting Thought Patterns Everyone has experienced ‘standout moments’ in their lives. Moments that shape who we are and the choices we make. These moments can be fabulous moments that we treasure and may have been a source of joy throughout our lives. Alternatively these moments can be painful moments we have tried hard to forget, escape from or minimize. It is really important to understand that it is not the ‘standout moments’ which matters. The moment has passed. It is our interpretation of the events of the defining moment that shapes our future and who we are today. We tell ourselves something in that moment- about what that defining moment means. We give ourselves an interpretation of the even based on our experience or beliefs. A belief is a feeling of certainty about what a thing means. We develop beliefs to support our initial interpretation of the event and then we build a lifetime of searching for evidence to confirm the belief. Our reality is made up only of what we believe, perceive, experience, see hear or feel. Our minds will hunt out proof of whatever it is we want to believe. So- we may have really positive beliefs that we carry with us all our lives- or in fact they could be limiting beliefs. Narrow beliefs that we may have about love may be ‘I’m not good enough for a loving partner’ or ‘Love in the movies does not exist- that’s not real life love’ or
‘you can’t trust women’ Have a think about your own beliefs about yourself, who you are, who you stand for in this life. Reflect on your beliefs about love. Take a deep breath in and sit quietly for a moment... With your hand on your heart- reflect back on your memories as a child and see if there are any memories associated with your feelings around love, getting close to someone or intimacy.. Trust that you unconscious will bring forth the memories associated with the first time you made that belief and ask yourself these questions.. © Q. How old were you? ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________
_ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Q. What happened, who was there, what was said _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _
_____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Š20102010 Q. What did you tell yourself in that moment? _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _
_____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Š20102010 Q. What beliefs have you carried forward since that one defining moment? _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________
_ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Q. What would you have really wanted to happen in that moment? _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _
_____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Q. What is the price you have paid and are still paying for keeping those beliefs? _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _
_____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Q. What price will you pay in one year’s time if you keep these beliefs? In five years? In ten years? _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _
_____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Now I want you to visualize yourself as a young child about the same age as you were when your ‘standout moment’ appeared. Now sit next to that young girl/boy who gave those old meanings to that situation. With what you know now, what would you tell that child about what meaning to give the situation? _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ With what you know now, what would better serve you knowing what you know now OR those old meanings? (this will change the way you interpret your
beliefs moving forward) _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Q. What new meanings would you ask that child to form around that situation to take with them for the rest of their lives? _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Q. Have a think about what beliefs will serve, support, nurture and challenge you as you live out the rest of your life? Š2010 _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________
_ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Q. What will it cost you to keep the old, limiting beliefs and way of looking at life if you don’t create the change? _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Q. What do you stand to gain by adopting these new beliefs? (In terms of how you feel about yourself) Others? _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _
Q. What do you stand to gain by adopting these new beliefs? (In terms of how you feel about yourself) _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Others? _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Š Your life? _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________
_ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Š2010 Your career? _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ Your relationships? _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _
_____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _ _____________________________________________________________ _2010 Step 4: Place No Conditions On Love... One of the best things about sharing your life- with the love of your life, is having a life filled with unconditional love. Unconditional Love is a real, burning true love- a love without conditions. It is freely given with no expectation at all. It is unconditional- all of the time. One of the greatest threats to a relationship is when one or both partners start to withdraw from the other. Anytime you withdraw emotionally from your partner the relationship has no choice but to deteriorate. Perhaps you start fulfilling your needs and interests outside of the relationship (keeping busy with work, friends, kids) and achieving your significance in life through other vehicles of
meaning or satisfaction. I hear so many people talk about only giving love when they receive love- or rewarding love only when their partner is doing things they way want done, on their terms. Did you ever fear your love to be taken away when you were a child? Or were you ever threatened with the prospect of a partner leaving after an argument- or withdrawing love from you during a rough time? When you lose trust. interest and commitment together- you drift closer to behaviors of criticism, judgement and rejection. Trust takes place when both partners are committed to having a positive direction and intent towards each other. When you use threats or judgement, you will damage the bond and undermine those feelings of intent. Soul mates are often each other's best friend and as such the relationship becomes a "place to come home to’ when life becomes difficult or stressful or scary. This "place to come home to" is both a physical place in your home, as well as an emotional space in the relationship just like a sacred sanctity. It is about making a commitment to your lover – to hold yourself open and present for our loverto connect with your lover- even during the most horrible times of pain. Open your heart to your lover- let your presence, playfulness and passion bring spice to your lives together! While you are in the process of reinventing your Love Affair, create a physical space in your home right now that is your emotional ‘place to come home to’. It can be as simple as your favourite chair in the bedroom, relaxing in your bathtub or a new loveseat under a tree in your backyard. Use this space on a daily
basis to focus your attention on your intention for attracting your ‘Love Affair’ to you. In regards to your bedroom- remove computers, exercise equipment, and other items that distract you from the room’s purpose: Rest, Rejuvenation, and Romance. If it’s impossible to remove these distractions, screen or cover them between uses. If you must have a television in the bedroom, make sure to store it in a covered cabinet or armoire to assure a restful romantic atmosphere. Make your bedroom your private love destination- and imagine sharing it or reconnecting with ‘the one’. On the emotional side, have a think about whether you are ready to create this space for your Love affair to happen right now. Remember, the process of manifesting a soul mate is one of making space for him on all levels of your being and in all areas of your life. If you are already in a relationship and are ready to take it to the next levelthink about where your physical space is that you both feel most comfortable in to spend quality time together- with no distractions. Focus on how you can devote yourself to your partner within that space- and create the atmosphere for intimate moments. © Step 5: Harnessing the Power of Masculine and Feminine Energy I really love the saying- Opposites attract. Because we really are attracted to our opposite. In science, the attraction of opposites is called polarity. In human relationships, many types of polarity also exist and we are attracted to those things in people which are different to what we find in ourselves; they stimulate emotions
and sensations that are different from the way we stimulate ourselves. In romantic intimacy, polarity refers to the play between opposite energiesthe masculine and the feminine. The Yin and the Yang. They are responsible for sexual attraction and passion. Often, when we start to lose our spark in a relationship sexually or intimately- it may be because the masculine and feminine dynamic are all muddled up. Unconsciously we know this, and may feel put off, or have no desire to put in the effort into lovemaking or intimacy anymore. Consciously though, it may be a different story. We may tell ourselves that we are too busy, too old, too tired, too fat, etc for romance.. We may try to cut ourselves off of our natural instincts, feelings and desires. We cut ourselves off of our own authenticity. Recall the time that you first met your partner and there was lots of attraction present. You would have loved the differences between your energies then whereas perhaps now where they may be times of stress or upset- those differences may be strongest. Understanding this polarity will really help you strengthen your relationship, rekindle that love and trust within the relationship and ignite your passion for each other as well. Ladies- sometimes your partner really just wants to step up and help - but we are so damn good at multi- tasking, organization and juggling that she doesn’t feel like she has the room to step in. Or when she does, it isn’t done as properly, or it takes too long, etc etc. Therefore causing her to retreat (but she wants to be needed by you truly!) Then as women we get resentful and tired, and overwhelmed because we are carrying THE WHOLE WORLD on our shoulders ... and the last thing you
want to do is make love at the end of all that ... Hmm ... Does any of this resonate with you? Creating awareness for yourself into reconnecting with the feminine essence is really about celebrating all the special things about being a woman! Ask yourself.. as a woman- how can I reconnect with my feminine side? How can I remain open to exploring new things? How can I celebrate showing my emotions and feelings? How can I give and receive love? How can I focus on my relationships? The feminine essence is fun & playful, vulnerable, enchanting, caring, soft and calm. The feminine essence requires others attention (all the time!) and really wants to be understood, wants to be loved and adored, and is focused on connection and nurturing. As a woman you will know that this is when you are working from your most natural state- and you will be most happiest when you step into the energy that is who you are! If you are a masculine identified lesbian - then embrace your “FEMALE OWNED � Masculine energy! Stand strong and give your partner your devotion and commitment, no matter what they say or do. (And as a womanI can assure you that there will be lots of stuff that we will say to you to TEST you, and test that you will still be there for us when we really need you!) Use the strengths of purpose, protection and commitment to intensify your energy. Ask yourself.. as a butch (or masculine identified woman) - how can I display my traits to her so that it helps open my woman up? How can I demonstrate and communicate my need to protect her? How can I create new opportunities? How can I take actions that will empower my family? The masculine essence it all about being assertive, taking actions, being active,
physical strength, aggressive in nature, outgoing, a need to create, a need to hunt, a need to protect. It is about structure and is often more logical rather than emotional. The masculine energy is about intention and focus, requires freedom, space, and loves to feel appreciated. As opposed to the focus on connection the masculine essence is about life direction, purpose and independence. As a man you will also feel this is when you are at your most natural state. So now we need to look at two parts - firstly how to balance ourselves individually and how to balance ourselves in our relationships. As an individual we need to really look into what our natural essence is and see where we need to balance ourselves more within the relationships we have. As women, if we have a career in a corporate company and leadership and you often need to step into the masculine energy to get your job done on a daily basis- how can you then consciously shift back into a more feminine energy when at home? Or perhaps we are too much in our feminine energy during the day if we are home with the kids, and we require a little less emotion or taking more action with direction of an evening. Learn to balance out the energy to really ignite that dynamic between the two of you in your relationship. If you can reconnect with your natural polarity with your partner- and really step into your masculine or feminine, you can enjoy your magnetic attraction and connection that you once had at the beginning of your relationship. The great news is that it is not about your weight, age, or physical looks that create passion between 2 individuals. It is about the dancing energy of masculine and feminine and really stepping into your true essence. Passion is not something that naturally fades away when ‘honeymoon’ period is over. Who says that it ever has to end a few months into the relationship after the fun, initial getting to know you stages?
Why limit yourself and your relationship to fit in with other’s expectations? If you are two balanced individuals within a relationship then perhaps each individual will begin to feel complete within themselves and trust in the relationship. In looking at our natural states we can also begin to notice what we truly require in ourselves and from our partners- and what we need to give to our partners as well. We can begin to restore a natural state of order and begin to live our lives through our true essence. We begin to feel balanced, whole and truly begin to experience bliss within the relationship- and the roles we have developed within it. Step 6: Strategies Of Love I believe that the breakdown of relationships is really due to three things unfulfilled love strategies, negative anchoring and lack of effective communication. Yes, sure - it’s like you have woken up all of a sudden to your life and can find yourself ‘out of love’ with someone, and just don’t know how it got to be this way... but we all have strategies for everything we do in life.. and our relationships break down when our strategies do. A strategy is a specific sequence of external and internal experience which consistently produces a specific outcome; for example we have strategies for love, sex, attraction and recognizing attraction. My relationship coaching identifies those key strategies including the attraction, recognizing attraction and deep love strategy. When these are shared between the couple, each individual will then know what they need to do for their partner to know they are totally loved ... Hmm- I hear you ask- what does this all mean for me? Let me break it down for you. I see so many clients who tell me that they know
that their partners love them but they don't feel loved. I mean, logically they can understand that they have been with their partner for years, share children and a life together.. but what we are talking about feeling really loved on a deep level. Different people have different ways of expressing love but your way of showing love may not match your partner's. You both think that you are showing how much you care but you both still feel that something is missing. You can improve your relationship through understanding your significant other's love strategy. We all have different ways of feeling loved. For some, it can be hearing those special words in that certain tone of voice. Or you may like to be touched in a certain way (no- I’m not talking sexual, it may be a back rub or stroke of the hair) Or you may like to be given gifts. Or spend time together or have little things done for you. Maybe the fact is you have had a partner in the past that you remember feeling really loved deep sense of passion and you were both just on fire when you were together. Chances are yes- there was probably deep feelings for each other but it also could have been so intense because you both shared the same love strategy! If you are lucky enough to find a partner with your own love strategy- they will be expressing love in the exact same way that you wish to receive it. That’s great for those other couples I hear you say- but what happens when the years get on in a relationship where you and your partner do not share the same strategy for love?! When we first fall in love, we tend to do all those things in communicating your
love strategy – think about when you first met your partner... we tell our beloved that we love them, we whisper sweet nothings in their ear, praise them, adore them, get excited by them, touch and caress them, spend intimate evenings talking and dreaming. We might be walking past a shop and see something we know they will like- or we listen out for hints to things they like so we can purchase it for them as a surprise. Bottom line is that we pay attention to them and fulfill all the love strategies so that they know you are keen on them- and that you are falling in love! As time passes, we each drift back to doing what we know makes us feel loved. And that’s when the problems start. If hearing the words, ‘I love you’ makes you feel warm and tingly then that is how you will demonstrate your love for your partner. If, however, your partner feels loved when they are given something special, then your words will just feel like words to them of you don’t show them love the way they need to experience it. Some of us know what makes us feel loved. If you don’t, start to become more aware of your feelings – what gives you that warm glow? ?Ask yourself how do you show love to others? ?What do you ask for most often within your relationship or secretly hope your partner would do for you? ?What do you feel you are missing in your relationship? ?What do you complain most about in your relationship? The answers to these questions can help you to identify your own strategies. Ask your partner what makes them feel special and loved. There are five main ways of feeling loved: 1. Words of Affirmation – complimenting your partner, saying how good they look or telling them you love them. 2. Quality Time – spending time together, doing things together. 3. Gifts – these don’t have to be expensive. Often a small gift or card or love
note is enough to convey your love. 4. Acts of Service – doing things for the other person. This could be something small like stacking the dishwasher or vacuuming the car or it could be something more creative. Whatever it is, you need to do it from a sense of love and not obligation. 5. Physical touch – stroking a hand, a back-rub or a hug will show your love. So, to keep the spark in your relationship (or perhaps rekindle it!), find out your partner’s love strategy and practice acting in that way towards them. Encourage them to do the same for you and notice the difference in your relationship. Step 7: Make The Choice Make the decision right now. Decide that you are ready, willing and available for your Life Long Love. Know that your ‘one’ is coming and you will be ready to love at that level when it arrives. Find a perfect way for you to get to meet and know other like-minded singles that are looking for the same things in life as you. Allow yourself to really "feel" what it feels like to be deeply loved and connected. Meditate on it. Curl up at night in bed for a few moments and notice the feelings of what it will be like to have your Love Affair. What will it look like, smell like, and feel like? What will you be telling yourself? Remember the unconscious mind doesn’t recognize the difference between what you have experienced and what is completely made up, that is what the Law of Attraction is based on! Use a Guided Meditation to help you aim at specifically helping you conjure up those feelings around what it feels like to be in love. Really feel it, let yourself spend time with yourself ‘making up your dreams’. Know that your ‘ONE’ is coming and you will be ready to love at that level when it arrives. Believe it. Dream it up, BIG. A Life Long Love! Know with every part of your being that the one that you are longing for is on the way to you right now. Be open to meeting and dating. Take the first steps
and begin preparing your new life to include your new love in it! When you have cleared the clutter from your heart and mind, get over your reservations about being in the wrong relationship or being single.. Find a perfect way for you to get to meet and know other like-minded singles that are looking for the same things in life as you. If you don’t feel ready for that (yet!) give us a call at Life by Creation for some one of one relationship coaching or couples coaching to help you release the life and relationship you have known for the one you are consciously committed to creating. Reclaim who you really are so that you enter into this relationship with authentic love. Open yourself up to love! We only get one life! And (god forbid) if it is cut short or threatened unexpectedly- I can tell you that won’t be stressing about things like the housework or that pile of work that is sitting on your desk. What you’ll be thinking and reflecting on are the connections you made in your life, the depths of your heart from which you loved and the peace in your soul at the love you shared. 0 Life By Creation. All Rights Reserved 26 ©