Take Up Space
Issue 1
Contributors Anna Furina I was born in Moscow in ‘88 at the edge of the city. Randomly majored as psychologist, never really worked as one, though this education always comes in handy for me. I’m happily married to the love of my life, my true soulmate whom I was lucky to meet 12 years ago and we’ve been together ever since. I love my family, friends, travelling, learning foreign languages, snowboarding, tattoos, chess, psychedelics, poker, video games, music festivals, camping, cooking, cats and crafting. I enjoy exploring new ways to express myself such as my recent passion - epoxy resin art.
Carrie Williams Carrie Williams is a singer-songwriter and actor living in Manchester. She has a lifelong love of poetry and is currently working on an anthology and children’s picture book. Her work draws inspiration from life, feminist history and research into the transformational power of sound and voice.
Chandni Hill ‘Kenyan born UK based, lover of art and all living things’
Eve Redmond
Eve Redmond is a designer jeweller who graduated from Central St Martins College of Art & Design in London in 1993. She set up Divinity studio in Manchester Craft & Design Centre in 2003, where she sells her handmade collections and creates one-off pieces for commissions and exhibitions. Born in County Wexford in Ireland, Eve came to the UK to study jewellery design in 1988. During lockdown Eve started writing poetry as her studio was closed, and she enjoys writing about a variety of things. She is a feminist and is excited about being part of Take Up Space, having more time since giving up teaching after 25 years. @redmondevejewellery
Lisa ‘Kitty’ Williams I love Manchester and have lived here for 20 years, I also love meeting new people, crafting, photography, spicy food, yoga and dancing. Having been a criminologist for twenty-five years, I’ve seen how feminism has had a bad rap. Now my children are growing up and becoming aware of the world around them, I want to help them understand that feminism is for all and to be inspired to stand up for people’s rights. Take Up Space is an inclusive collective of feminists. We support all women from all cultures and all our LGBTQ+ communities. I’m excited to be part of it and to contribute a crossstitch to the first zine. Gender equality and inclusivity will make the world a better and happier place. Smash the patriarchy!
Rebecca Alexander I’m Beks, 43 from Manchester. I am a volunteer at a drugs welfare charity at club nights and a mental health phone line. It’s a difficult time for everyone right now so I’m just trying to help out best I can. I’m quite nerdy and I love boardgames, anime, comics, TV, Sci-fi and collecting stuff. I used to be a voracious reader but I’m finding it hard to find the motivation at the moment. I love food so much and will talk about it any chance I get. I dream in black and white and I take my coffee strong with plenty of cream and never milk. I believe in equality, science and not paying for water. @beks78
Shay Cogley Shay Cogley. 27. North Wales. As a self proclaimed outspoken feminist killjoy, I take pleasure in getting my opinions and point of view put out into the world so being given the opportunity to take part in the zine has been really exciting for me! Being able to tell my own story and share my art and poetry is just a bonus. @the.avant.garde.enby Lucy Madeleine Watson
Lucy is a photographer and writer in Manchester who loves spending time with her cat. You can find her on Instagram @ lucylucile
editor's note Louella Hartigan: You will find me watering plants, staring into the abyss articulating thoughts into semi coherent sentences about social discourse, challenging my own biases and calling myself out on judgmental stereotypes I catch myself upholding. I acknowledge my privileges as a cis straight white woman- we are not all born equal and that is the fault of my ancestors, however it also remains mine if I do not speak up. Feminism is a divisive word which confuses some, to me feminism is the fight in equality for ALL, not just women.. Basic math would suggest equality exists when we all have the same advantages, the uprising of one group does not equate to equality, it merely means that one margin of society levels with the patriarchy, this doesn’t lead to progression, We need to SMASH the patriarchy not just for women but for ALL. Growing up on council estates in Manchester (Moss Side and Chorlton) during the 90s I witnessed so much crime and I’m not talking about the crimes committed by the people trying to get by, I’m talking about the injustices in our communities at the hands of institutional British Racism, Deprivation and Discriminarion. Whilst I can attest to being a witness in many of these scenarios, I will always differ from the voices with direct lived experiences. I love Manchester and I love it’s people. This is the basis for my views, these are my people and my community to which I want to shine a light on all of the beautiful voices that make our communities flood with warmth and acceptance. I recognise that art, crafts and writing as a privilege, It is not accessible to all due to money, time and expectations. It’s not always easy to partake nor is it sustainable for many. With Take Up Space your voices will be heard and your creativity will be nurtured. Much Love, Lou X
Socialist Collage - Gem Allison - Instagram: @unattainableblonde2
'BUT HE DIDN'T HIT ME THOUGH' ANON Your phone flashes up “pub tonight at 9?” “Not tonight for me but thanks” you politely decline You’d planned to go, you’re showered, hair done You booked an Uber so you didn’t have to run But he was quiet, in one of his moods “I’ll just stay home, we can order in food, I’ll pay”, you say, can’t have that row again It’s not worth it for twenty quid now and then He’s just forgetful, always thinks that he’s paid It’ll all even itself out one of these days He’s private with money, prefers dealing in cash It’s just how he is, nothing wrong with that But as each month goes on it gets harder to ask For his half of the bills, shouldn’t be such a task “Sure” he says, but you ask three more times Then he questions the amounts at least ten more times You write it all down, you’re transparent and clear He still calls you a “money grabbing bitch” in your ear But it is starting to grate paying all of the bills Always using your card when you’re both at the tills It’s because of his ex, she never paid for a thing We’ve all got our issues, our pasts are haunting You’ll help fix him, keep on going, reassure him Show him you can be trusted, and so can most women She was crazy, his ex, she took and never gave back He’s really been through it, there’s so much to unpack He will see through your love and support that he can Begin to trust and be himself again See he wouldn’t be this way without his past And how long can a past really last? You will be fine, just cough up, and just pay And when the groceries run over budget like yesterday Just use your own money, keep it quiet and calm He deserves to order that extra beer, he works hard. And remember he says he works harder than you And he said it, he knows it, so it must be true He labours and sweats and it’s clever work too, Wiring in all those wires, you wouldn’t have a clue And all you do all day long is sit down, so don’t moan About your poorly paid job answering telephones You get days off to make up for the 13 hour shifts So those days off can be used around the house cleaning bits And cooking, and laundry, and ordering the groceries Those days aren’t for you to just sit on your arse, that’s what he says He says that you’re lazy and it simply won’t do He said, he knows it, so it must be true. We all get in moods, say things we don’t mean It’s ok, this is normal, just keep quiet and clean.
Artwork - Shay Cogley
The Pankhurst Trust// Womens aid 0161 660 7999 TDAS 0161 872 7368
Первый блин комом By Anna Furina In Russia we have a saying “first pancake always turns out shit” so I’m definitely going to do more of these. But one thing I’ve noticed: first fucked up piece is the most special and sometimes will be better than his flawless descendants. Epoxy ashtray with small humans and moss’
Mary With All The Trimmings By Rebecca Alexander I wanted to be Mary. Mary, with all the trimmings but I was the star. The star of Bethlehem for four years running. Mary was the Star of the show in her blue princess gown and big shawl. She and Joseph sat surrounded by donkeys, Angels, straw and the rest of the Nativity entourage, I had a white sheet on with a hole for my head looking like a ghost. I stood at the corner of the stage with a big star stapled to my chest. In the past the star was always the smallest girl in the class and there was a beautiful silver dress with layered skirts and a star headdress. I stood there in my sheet, cursing my height. Waiting for my cue to walk across the stage. The star of Bethlehem every year. I was too tall to stand with the other children. I was told I would stick out like a sore thumb. So it was the star or nothing. I would rather have been nothing but that was the teacher’s empty threat. Everyone had to be involved. I hated the Nativity play. I was the star but never the Star.
My Path
By Louise Clarke A bright blue sky and a free day to explore. For so long I have been confined to my bed or couch, the thought of using this day as a day for exploring seems so unreal that I truly feel in a dream state. But here I am. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2020 and Covid was exploding around the world. I was in constant pain and fatigued and off sick from my job as a youth worker just as the young people needed me the most. I did what I could online and in the community, but the decision to leave this job that I’d worked so hard to get was taken by my doctor. The fact that my body was fighting against me I truly had to just stop and learn to live with the horrible choice. I had to leave my dream job and I felt betrayed. I had to learn to heal in an arena where everyone told me a different path to take. I had to find my own path. I started researching and trying different activities and then I looked on my shelf and saw a book that I’d forgotten about, The Japanese Way of Forest Bathing for Health and Relaxation; Shinrin-yoku. I used to love going to the forest as a child, within the trees I just felt calm and safe, especially at a time in my childhood when I felt anything but this. Maybe I needed this type of therapy again, I mean what did I have to lose?. So I began to go on gentle walks in our local park and woods and although it took me a lot of tries to get used to managing my pain and fatigue. I realised that I could do it and I started to look at new ways that I could explore and actually have a life that was fulfilling. I’m still on a journey that is often hard and needs lots of planning, but I can now see my path and I’m walking along it quite happily. Instagram: @returningtotheforest
DIV INA DE CAM PO
A seasoned drag queen, Divina De Campo boasts an impressive career within performing arts, television and charity work. Most recently, she took part in the UK version of Ru Paul’s Drag Race, cementing her reputation as a world class act. I meet Divina in Manchester’s Feel Good Club, an LGBTQ+ inclusive cafe and wellness space that’s a favourite of ours. Divina’s energy is magnetic and warm, and within thirty seconds we’re already laughing about something trivial. Firstly, where did the name Divina De Campo come from? “We ran a competition and all the names were terrible, like Dixie Normous. I think your name has to say a bit about what it is that you do.” I ask why she doesn’t relate to Dixie Normous. “More like Dixie Very Normal! I wrote seven or eight different names and put them in the box. So Divina De Campo was the name I’d written myself. A couple of people had put Divina in there and then whenever people would meet me on the scene, they’d be like, ‘Oh, isn’t she camp? She’s camp this one isn’t she?’ And you’ve also got the reference to Divine the drag queen.”
Born Owen Farrow in Brighouse, West Yorkshire, De Campo explains the difficulties of coming out in the early 1990s to a generation still recovering from the HIV/ AIDS crisis. “I was fourteen when I came out. My mum was born in 1952 in a world where being gay was illegal. So when, in 1993, your son says, ‘I’m gay’, of course you’re going to be terrified. Her reaction was definitely not supportive because she was coming from that place of seeing how horrendous it is has been for gay people.” We talked for a bit on gender identity and what it means to her. In a 2019 post on social media, De Campo came out as non-binary. “I’m just a person. You can use he, she, they, them. It doesn’t bother me,” the post read. What advice would Divina give to anyone struggling with their sexuality or gender identity? “You don’t have a responsibility to anyone else but yourself. It’s not a race. So many people are just figuring this thing out. For the last two thousand years we’ve been told it’s one or the other, but that’s just not how it works. The world is complicated and complex, and there’s a joy in that.” A diverse performer, Divina can sing an impressive four-octave range, but insists she’s not limited to just English. “I can sing in five different languages, I am not multilingual. That’s not the same thing. And that’s why I’m very specific in my use of language.” The languages? An impressive resume of Latin, Italian, French, German, English and Welsh. “There’s a film I did that was all in Latin. The text is two thousand year’s old and it’s like, ‘I will fist fuck…I will face fuck and sodomise you.’” At this point, the ambient coffee shop music quietens down and I realise fifty people have just witnessed Divina De Campo scream “I will fist fuck” at the top of her lungs. De Campo has been a regular performer on the Manchester queer scene, and in 2019, competed on the first season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race UK, placing second. Just as we settle into the interview, a fan of Divina’s approaches and gushes over her. It’s then that I realise Divina isn’t just any old alumnus of Drag Race UK, she is adored. Did she feel she was fairly represented on the show?
“It was a game. All of us were those people. That’s how everybody behaved. The only point where I watched it back and thought somebody didn’t get a fair share was Cheryl [Hole] in Snatch Game. She was hilarious and in the edit it was like she wasn’t there. It’s the nature of editing. I was not good in Snatch Game. I was just lucky that there were two people who were worse than me.” Do contestants get paid on Ru Paul’s Drag Race? “I did, but it’s minimal. I think the Americans get paid more, and also get prize money, and also get a trip to Venice, or whatever. There’s definitely a conversation to be had. Either the judges need to mitigate their expectations for Drag Race UK, or the show itself has to support contestants in order to deliver. “There is a question for me, particularly on Drag Race UK, around the financing of it. Saying to somebody, ‘I don’t want to see any H&M’, when there’s a global pandemic on, and you’ve been out of work for seven months, and there’s no prize money. I spent probably close to £20,000 on my season. The UK is a very small state compared to America. This level of finance is not sustainable. How can we make this so it’s not elitist? So that it’s not excluding people from a working class background? I had savings and my husband lent me £4,000, but not everybody is in that position. I was very, very lucky.” Davina explains that drag wasn’t necessarily part of her career plan. She was working as a dance practitioner in North Wales when her husband suggested she look into becoming a drag performer. “My dream was to be Marius from Les Misérables. And then you get to nineteen, looking at your face and you say, ‘no girl, you will never be Marius! Have you heard yourself? Have you looked in the mirror? Look how gay you are! Nobody is going to believe that a girl is going to fall for you, never mind two of them. I don’t think!’” De Campo, who auctioned off her costumes from Drag Race UK for George House Trust, an HIV support non-profit based in Manchester, has worked with children of all ages, teaching drama, dance and performing arts in North Wales. “Kids today, compared to when I was at school, are much more empathetic, more understanding, and more open to difference. One of my worst tormentors at school, a boy with big teeth and a rat face, was just vile to me. Then, of course, he was in the gay bar five years later. He saw the treatment I was getting from the whole school, so what do you do to distract from yourself?” There’s a pause for dramatic effect. “We didn’t have sex with each other though. I’m fuming. Little bitch.” In June, Divina De Campo’s mural, which sits proudly on Richmond Street in Manchester’s gay village, was defaced with homophobic graffiti. The artwork, which was created by artist Akse P19, was targeted alongside a mural featuring Alan Turing and Quentin Crisp. In July, Greater Manchester Police arrested a man.
“He was sixty. This is a sixty year old man who’s taken his time to go to the shop, spend £6.99 on a spray can to write stuff on my mural. I don’t understand it. But what I do understand is that the government ignoring the G.R.A [Gender Recognition Act] and rolling back funding for anti-LGBTQ+ bullying in schools sends a very clear message to homophobes.” In response to the attacks, De Campo and dancer Joshua Hubbard hosted an evening of entertainment at G-A-Y Manchester to raise funds for LGBTQ+ youth charity The Proud Trust and an additional graffiti piece. At the event, Manchester’s renowned community spirit and resilience shined through. What are Divina’s favourite queer spaces in Manchester? “I love the gay village space for everybody. Molly House where it’s weird shit on the wall, the fire with a glass feeling like you want you’d go to the Richyou’re wanting a crazy to Kiki. Everywhere slightly different vibe I love about Mananywhere else.
because there’s a You could go to the boujee and there’s and you can sit by of wine. Or if you’re a bit of decadence, mond Tea Rooms. If party time, you’d go in the village has a to it, and that’s what chester more than
How was it as a working drag queen in Manchester? “Manchester was the most welcoming scene. I think things in other cities are changing, but there was definitely still a bit of, ‘this is my turf and you’re not welcome’. I definitely experienced that in other cities. Whereas in Manchester, I was welcomed as one of the drags.” You can make drag whatever you want to, I say. “That’s the joy of drag for me. There are things about drag that I say, ‘I would prefer it if they did it like this…’ But it’s not up to me because my choices are not going to be your choices, and you should be glad about that.” Despite being a contestant on the show, De Campo is adamant she’s still a fan of Ru Paul’s Drag Race. “I watch them all. I genuinely love Drag Race. But that doesn’t mean I can’t see there are problems with it. When our season first came out we did an interview where they said, ‘this is the best of British drag!’ And I said to the interviewer, ‘well that’s not factually accurate’. Drag has never just been drag queens. Where
are the drag kings? Because they’re a massive part of the community and if this is called Drag Race UK, we should be referencing them. I think things are moving and maybe it will happen at some point. I just wish it was a bit quicker.” The first series of Drag Race UK was watched by an audience of 12 million people, and shown in countries all over the world. Divina explains her relationship with social media and mental health. “I warned my family before Drag Race aired because that shit can be crazy. I don’t want the drama. Don’t bring it me. I made the mistake of reading some comments on Facebook for the red wig and silver dress moment and I was like, ‘Why have I done this to myself?’ You read them like, ‘They hate me! I want to kill myself again!’ Twitter is bad. Reddit is even worse. Reddit is dangerous for someone like me. “I think social media is very useful. I don’t mind giving people access to me. The difference is, you’re not owed it. Just because someone is a public figure, doesn’t mean they don’t have a tax bill and a water bill. My fucking sink exploded the other night. All the shit that everybody else goes through, I’m doing exactly the same thing. There was no prize money! I am certainly not swimming in pools of gold. That’s not my life and I’m fine with that. I like working. I’m just a normal person trying to make my way through life.” De Campo, who is due to star in 2021/22 tour of Chicago as Mary Sunshine, has a few favourite songs she likes to perform for audiences. “I do a version of ABBA’s The Winner Takes It All and it’s just filth. The reaction from the crowd can be so different depending on who it is. And I did a rewrite of Love Is In The Air called Cum Is In My Hair…I came out at Conwy Sailing Club looking like Cameron Diaz from There’s Something About Mary. All old ladies in the audience, nobody under sixty. All these old ladies singing ‘Cum Is In My Hair!’. That’s the joy of drag, you get to do these things that are completely bonkers. “A couple of weeks before that I was in Llandudno doing a tour of all the operatic theatres on a bus. We’d pull up outside an old theatre and I’d sing a song. I get to do these amazing, diverse gigs and it’s just so joyous. I love drag.” Interview and photos by Lucy Madeleine Watson - www.instagram.com/lucylucile
George House Trust 0161 274 4499
ght.org.uk
Cloud Studies: Forensic Architecture By Eve Redmond
Cloud Studies was commissioned by the Whitworth for The Manchester International Festival. This is a compelling exhibition showcasing a body of research from Forensic Architecture who are an agency of architects, artists, filmmakers, journalists, lawyers, scientists and software developers that investigate state and corporate violence. Cloud Studies is their first exhibition in Manchester. The exhibition is in film format in three different rooms on three large screens with additional footage for each country that has suffered injustice. The narrator discusses the research and tells the stories of the horror of what has taken place. From Palestine to Beirut, London to Indonesia and the US–Mexico border, film evidence traces the way in which our air is evidence of state and corporate inhumanity from bombing and chemical attack, through air pollution. Tear gas clouds spread poison where we gather, bomb clouds vaporise buildings, chemical weapons suffocate entire neighbourhoods and air pollution targets the marginalised. ‘Our air is weaponised. Our clouds are toxic.’ they state. It highlights environmental racism along the banks of the Mississippi in Louisiana where majority-Black communities, whose ancestors were enslaved on these grounds, breathe the most toxic air in the US – leading to the region’s nickname: ‘Cancer Alley’. There is considerable focus on the repression and state terrorism of the Israeli government and military on the Palestinians in the West Bank & Gaza. The work shows the use of illegal white phosphorus bombing in Gaza against civilians and where it was fired from, how herbicide is sprayed from positions upwind of Palestinian crops to destroy food growing in a place already under siege, and the scale and targeting of the bombing of civilians. A Palestinian, part of a bonfire protest sending smoke the other way to the Israeli wall in response to the chemical warfare on crops by Israel, is filmed as he is kneecapped by a sniper. You may have read in the news about the lobbying efforts from pro-Israeli voices demanding the removal of a statement supporting Palestine at the exhibition. The artists’ stand was to refuse to continue with their exhibition without it: a principled and strong action of solidarity which was widely supported by the Palestine Solidarity Campaign, University student union activists, Labour Party members and many others. Negative news coverage for the University and Gallery’s stance, solidarity protests and protests in writing to the Vice Chancellor and Gallery Director led to a climb-down by them only a few days later, with an agreement that the statement could be reinstated, and on this basis, the artists consented to continue to exhibit. Forensic Architecture have compiled their work to provide evidence to the International Criminal Court on human rights abuses and as a witness and testimony for those fighting repression and state terror. It is a really important work and builds on Forensic Architecture’s practice of bringing testimony and evidence to the voices of the repressed and disempowered. Previous work includes research on Grenfell Tower, on the dehumanising design of refugee camps, on extra-judicial killings in Palestine. Their statement states: “While working on this exhibition, we witnessed another attack by Israeli occupation forces on Palestinians. Partners and friends in Gaza told us first hand their experiences of the attacks that destroyed multi-storey buildings, homes, the offices of news organisations, schools, hospitals and businesses… We hon-
our the courage of Palestinians who continue to document and narrate events on the ground, and to struggle against this violence, apartheid and colonisation. We believe that this liberation struggle is inseparable from other global struggles against racism, white supremacy, antisemitism and settler colonial violence. We acknowledge its particularly close entanglement with the Black Liberation struggle around the world.” Although this is described as an exhibition I don’t know if I would classify it as such but they have commented: ‘Our work is indicative of the advent of a new kind of political art: one that is less interested in commenting on than intervening in political realities. It is in this spirit that we exhibited Cloud Studies at the Whitworth. The title refers to the advent of meteorology in the 19th century in the combined work of scientists and artists, but rather than looking at the weather, the exhibition maps today’s toxic clouds: from teargas in the US, Palestine, and Chile, through to chemical strikes in Syria, to those produced by extractive industries in Argentina, to the CO2 clouds created by forest fires in Indonesia. Galleries are spaces which show work from different perspectives, which begs the question: how do we gauge free speech and artistic expression? We are living in a time of cancel culture making it difficult for different voices to get heard. It’s important to be able to read and see what’s really happening in the world and not just via biased media reporting. Where do we draw the line with freedom of speech!?
Forensic Architecture’s statement of solidarity with Palestinians at Whitworth Gallery in the University of Manchester
A map from Forensic Architecture’s investigation Environmental Racism in Death Vallery, Louisiana
#FREEPALESTINE
Tips for Taking Up Space Know Your Rights
Knowing your rights is the first step to making sure that you are treated fairly in this society. If something doesn’t feel right or fair then it probably isn’t, self-educate, seek specialist advice and self-advocate. You deserve the best, and at the very least you deserve your human rights. Disclaimer – remember we still live in a godman patriarchy so some shit just isn’t fair, let’s keep fighting it! Please see: EASS, ACAS, Rights of Women, Pregnant Then Screwed, Equality Act 2010 etc.
Do the Thing
One life in this world, my love – be your authentically best self. Restrictions oppress. Carve your path, ask questions, ask for other options, speak up , make connections, pull up a chair and engage. Just because society says “no” doesn’t mean you cannot – be the first! You are worth living your life’s purpose and what your heart desires is never “silly”. In a society that shames you for wanting your basic needs to be met it can feel near impossible to prioritise your desires but I’ll tell you now – no one else will prioritise your dreams for you. Do. The. Thing.
Self-Care
Imagine a world in which we took care of ourselves as much as we did others! We’ve been groomed to put our needs last so I say – rebel! It’s that old cliché isn’t it? Can’t pour from an empty cup.. put your oxygen mask on first.. But it’s necessary, not only is self-care going to actually make you feel better psychologically and physically it is also feminist as fuck to put ourselves first for a change. It also hopefully goes to lengths to destroy capitalism because we will be less inclined to spend, spend, spend in order to cope with everyday stresses – win win!
Say “No”
And say it loud! Maybe not.. but say it firmly and resist justifying it. Many people tend to fawn as a trauma response; a.k.a “people please” and the silence after “no” can feel uncomfortable but you do not need to fill it. Instead try taking some deep breaths and doing a quick body scan to ensure you are feeling relaxed but strong. Saying “no” also helps to weed out those that will not respect your boundaries. “Let me get back to you”, “I’m not sure I have the capacity for that right now”, “I’ll check my bandwidth” are also great ways of saying “no” without saying it.
written by Bec Rose Tarot shuffling, star gazing, trauma informed therapeutic worker with a postgrad in ClinPsych Interests including reading multiple books concurrently, food subscription services and knitting huge colourful blankets. Big heart, big mouth, small tolerance for society.
Vulva Print - Shay Cogley
My gender feels to me like an Autumn forest adventure: Non-binary, Genderfluidity & coming to terms with my gender identity. By Shay Cogley. Gender is a social construct, we are told that girls like pink, dolls, are maternal and caring, delicate and kind, should wear dresses and have long flowing hair. While boys like blue, cars, dirt, are cold and shouldn’t show emotions unless shown with aggression, wear trousers, have short hair and short dirty nails and must remain unkempt. Those that strayed from these societal norms are seen as odd and receive hate and abuse, I know this because I watched it happen to many of my friends growing up, men with long hair or who liked to be clean shaven, women who liked to keep their hair short, didn’t wear make up... they were bullied and shamed. I was one of these people, while for much of my youth, I did fit into this little box of what society said girls should be, I grew to hate long hair & chose to dress in clothes from the men’s section, but I still loved make up and like to wear feminine clothes on occasion. While I was still considered strange, I felt comfortable in both. I didn’t consider this to be about my gender identity for many years, though I had some knowledge of other gender identities, my knowledge was mostly of trans men and trans women and I didn’t want to be a man, but I didn’t feel wholly female either. I chose to push all this to the back of my mind and I was just me and that was fine. It wasn’t until early adulthood at around 20 years old, when I was fortunate enough to be part of feminist spaces with other openly queer people who were willing to give out free emotional labour to educate others on their experiences with gender, that I took extra time to really absorb some of the information available to me and really thought about my own feelings and identity. When I became aware that my appearance and biology didn’t have to reflect my identity to the outside world, meaning it didn’t matter how I chose to dress or what my sex was, I didn’t need to appear androgynous to be non binary, this was when it finally hit me and I started to realise that I didn’t feel like a woman. So I joined some groups on social media, it helped to read about other people who felt similarly to myself. One fun experience I got from some of the groups was “explain your gender identity without saying your actual gender” it was also an interesting twist to the way ignorant bigots say things like “I identify as a Apache Helicopter!” and that is where I came up with the line ‘My gender feels to me like an Autumn forest adventure’ because its exciting, unpredictible and beautiful.
Once I felt I had spent enough time coming to terms with it myself, I felt ready to come out to some of the close people in my life, the first being my partner who was incredibly accepting and understanding from the very start, though it did take him a little while to get used to my pronouns, and he even paid for me to have my name legally changed when I finally decided it was something I definitely wanted. Then I came out to my mum when I was around 25, who despite being of an older generation, and not fully understanding of how or why I felt the way I do, was also incredibly accepting and was the one who helped me pick my new name, knowing her input on the topic was important to me. I then chose to come out online and announce my change of name and correct pronouns to all my friends and other family members and received more love and acceptance than I could have ever hoped for. After coming out I felt so much more confident to be my most authentic, out there self and I think everyone could see how much lighter, happier and confident I felt, I was even receiving compliments from complete strangers online and in real life while out and about. Being outside of the constraints of gender expectations is one of the most liberating feelings I’ve ever had the joy of experiencing. While it hasn’t all been plain sailing, I have received mean comments too, both online and in person, as well as regularly getting misgendered and experiencing some people just simply refusing to accept my true identity and I know I will continue to face issues surrounding these same things in the future. The small things such as hearing my eldest daughter (8) correct family members when they misgender me by accident, hearing friends and loved ones use my chosen name or even hearing strangers ask each other what I am, are all things that bring me great joy and gender euphoria. Lastly I want to touch on the subject of medically transitioning because for myself as a genderfluid person I battle with this a lot! Some days I would love top surgery, to microdose Testosterone, grow facial hair, alter my bone structure to appear more androgynous and fix any dysphoria I feel on that specific day. The next day I might feel completely different and be happier with a more feminine physique. Deep down I know that while appearing androgynous might get me the social recognition of being nonbinary, I don’t need to look, dress or sound a certain way to be who I am. Medical transition may never be completely off the table for me, but we never know what the future holds. I am Shay, I am a genderfluid, non-binary person & my identity is valid and so is yours. Thank you for reading.
Cross Stich - Lisa ‘Kitty’ Williams
Design - Louella.H
Little Girl Little girl Your hair is knotty And your nose is very snotty. You got stuck when climbing trees. You've fallen down and scraped your knees. You've torn your dress. Made so much mess Whilst making cakes with paint and mud. Wondered if you could "Somehow, one day, live in a castle?” Or "Always win at pass the parcel?” Little girl You sing your song And you dance the whole day long. Little girl, we love you so You're the bestest girl we know
Kunsthaus Tacheles, Berlin, 2006 Lisa ‘Kitty’ Williams
My First Conspiracy Theorist By Rebecca Alexander I met Vache at the cinema I was working at around 19 years ago. The guy was an Adonis. He actually looked like the Statue of David complete with the unruly curly hair. I was completely enamoured as were most of the ladies and gents I worked with. The first time I was introduced to him I actually couldn’t speak and so when asked my name I only managed a squeak. As time went on we began to get to know each other quite well, he was a great person too and I was well and truly smitten. Everyone knew that I had feelings for him, including him but they were never reciprocated. Despite this we became very good friends and even after we both left the cinema we still saw each other regularly. Nearly every week Vache would come round and we’d watch a film or something on TV and chat. On one occurrence after the film had finished, I think it was after watching Alien Vs Predator, I walked him out of the flat and before I closed the door he leaned in for a kiss. We smooched on the doorstep and then he left. My stomach was full of butterflies and I was floating on cloud nine! I resisted the urge to text him straight away with declarations of love as I didn’t want to scare him off. This was years in the making! I thought my dreams had finally come true. All the old feelings that I had for him that I tried to quash came rushing back and I was smitten again. The next day Vache texted me and asked me out for ice cream. I was absolutely ecstatic. He picked me up, and we drive into town. He held my hand as we walked around the city centre and we made our way to the Ice Cream parlour in the Arndale centre. (Unfortunately it wasn’t open for long, but I’ll never forget that wonderful ice cream) We ordered our ice cream. Lime for me and Ferrero Rocher for him. We sat across from each other eating our ice cream in a comfortable silence. After the ice cream he took my hands in his, looked into my eyes and began to talk. A speech that I will never forget. “Rebecca, we’ve known each other for a long time now and I really care about you. I want you to do something for me…” By this point I would have given him my life savings (I didn’t have any) or a kidney (I’ve one to spare). “…Please don’t have the Tamiflu injection (anti-swine flu jab) because when the aliens take over in 2012 it will make it easier for them to control your mind.” Suffice to say, I was speechless. The rest of the conversation focused on David Icke and sophisticated alien mind control techniques. In all the years I had known him he had never ever mentioned anything that would
give me an inkling of his craziness. He dropped me off home later that afternoon and kissed my forehead. That was the last time I saw him. We texted a few more times but because he didn’t come round to watch films with me again, we eventually lost contact. Later that year I contracted Swine Flu and was very ill for a couple of weeks. Maybe I should have had that injection after all.
Take Up Space is a collaborative community safe space, for people to use creativity in a variety of formats to empower themselves, each other and our readers. We live in a society that wants us to shrink our beings, to mould us into generic pebbles with heavy crushing waves of judgement and shame, at times it can be tiresome but our resistance starts here. Take Up Space came about through my own understanding and experiences of the gaps in society where marginalised voices slip through unheard. We are a community in which we don’t subscribe to the patriarchal standards. We believe in equality and are here to hold each other up, people of all genders, ethnicities, cultures, sexualities, disabilities and socioeconomic backgrounds. Our content is honest, at times you may even feel uncomfortable with something you see or read in here and that’s okay; If you can’t relate. No matter how ‘WOKE’ we think we are, there is always something to be learnt from each others lived experiences. The most important thing I want our readers to take away with this zine is that your voice really does matter, we’re here to listen and advocate for anyone who feels they are not being heard or just needs their hands held. If you would like to take part in future issues or events and would like to highlight a social issue and find your people, please do contact us on the email below or look out for our future meets. takeupspace.mcr@gmail.com
credits:
Roseanne Platt - front cover shot Divina De Campo - interviewee @divinadecampo Joe Smith - design @joeolismith Gem Allinson -collage @unattainableblonde2 Alexandra Levene - An illustrator whos art explores the human state, using mainly pencils and ink. @draw_from_this alexandralevene@hotmail.com based at @otcreativespace. Lynda Sterling @otcreativespace for facilitating our meets.
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