Copyright (c) 2019 by Taliya Boyd-Zame All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher. For details, please contact the publisher through the information provided below. Taliya Boyd-Zame Papamoa Tauranga 3118 tboyzam@gmail.com taliyabz.com First published 2019 Printed by Kale Print & Design Associates Ltd in Tauranga, New Zealand
W E L C O M E We have all experienced the harsh pressures of the idealistic female body and understand the mental health damage that this can cause. Media surrounds us by this on a regular basis. Therefore, lets teach our daughters to worry less about fitting into glass slippers and more about embracing their own body image, no matter the shape. This publication is a community response to social standards in relation to body image. It provides advice from the 30 individuals that have par ticipated surrounded by their inspiring ar twork. Therefore without fur ther ado I hope this publication brings you comfor t and knowledge along with positive thoughts. Yours Sincerely Taliya Boyd-Zame
“I think happiness is what makes you pretty. Period. Happy people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they reflect that happiness.” Drew Barrymore
You are not the peach. Darling you are not the peach, you are the pit And once you fall from the tree, your flesh will bruise Ultimately it will hur t as you are opened up to the world and old par ts of you fall away Give into your vulnerability and feel this pain because you are not the peach Hurting has allowed you to grow into something so much bigger than before Thank that which has challenged you as you realise how it has allowed you to develop Emerge from your shell so you may grow and flourish Remember you are not the peach, you are the pit Hollie-Rose
Dear My Future Daughter I already love the thought of you. I may have rules that you don’t like, but please understand I am trying to keep you safe. When times get stressful, I want you to know that you have a loving suppor t system around you. When you feel lonely, don’t be afraid to knock on my door. Even at 3am. I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU. It doesn’t matter what you want to be when you’re older. The main thing I want to teach you is to Be Kind. Be confident. Back yourself. And love who you are. I love you incredibly much Love from Mum P hoebe S kerritt
To My Future Self-Love Queen. Mama sits and awaits her next big move and currently wanders whether or not the world is a safe place for an innocent soul to be a par t of such a cruel world. You see, social experiments happen daily and unfor tunately they come with expectations of too many things that don’t align with self love. Through interactions, Online influence, daily habits and society expectations, people try and validate your worth as if you were a consumable label. I need you to understand that the only person to validate you and your wor th is found deep within the flow of those veins, for they carry warrior blood that was born to dictate your next move. The fundamental foundations of kaupapa Maori will allow you to immerse yourself in your environment of sea, sky and ear th. It allows you to have connections and relationships deeper than the oceans deepest depths, expanded across continents as large as this ear th. Understand that self love is much deeper, much more meaningful and much more respected when you learn to love yourself. Your purpose is to heal and healing is what the world needs. The ear th allows you to walk with your ancestors; dig your feet in the dir t for it will always ground you. The water allows you to feel light, when everything around feels heavy; for it will always carry you when you can’t carry yourself. The skies remind you where to aim; higher than the layers of clouds and never among the stars because there’s a bigger universe to aim for- where your ancestors sparkle at night. And never forget, that there is only ever ONE of you, and YOU, are allowed to have bad days, but always remember, if you can heal, you can heal others and the aftermath affect is what the world needs - so that we all heal together. Self love thrives off that! From the self-love Mama.
Areena Smith
N A T U R A L L U S T
l o n g t i g h t
To My Daughter You haven’t explored the world yet, so I’m going to tell you this Be Grateful. You don’t realise how beautiful and lucky you are. Be grateful to have working legs, working arms, working sight, be grateful for your body. Eventually your body will produce a miracle, bringing life into the world is one of the most amazing gifts you could ever have. And once you have a daughter of your own you will realise how much you wish to protect them, although you will eventually understand that you can’t protect them from themselves. Teach her to love her body and every inch of it before others tell her that she shouldn’t. My daughter, just enjoy life and don’t let your insecurities steal those priceless moments. Tarin - Moore
To My Daughter I am here for your protection. I wish I could protect you from social expectations. But I can’t. Therefore, I want you to understand your truth and beauty before the beauty industry tells you what you should look like. Lets star t with not believing everything you see. You live in the modern day, in which case photos can be manipulated, blemishes patched, waists tightened, legs lengthened. This is not normal, step back and understand that that is not natural. Second, understand your worth. Your wor th is not measured by the length of your hair or the size of your eyes it is measured by your health and happiness, embrace being young and don’t underestimate how BEAUTIFUL you are NATURALLY. Lastly, do not objectify yourself. You’re not a sight for others, therefore don’t treat yourself like one. You will find yourself dressing up for someone you never see. I have spent to much time worrying about how I appear to others. It has ruined moments, experiences and my confidence. Learn from my mistakes baby girl and keep you head held high, look at the positives and understand how beautiful you are. The world will love you for you. Taliya Boyd-Zame
To My Daughter Growing up we always strive to ‘fit in’. Whether it is by our looks, fashionability or personality. It can be a constant struggle for some. When you have a beautiful little girl of your own all you want for them is to be happy, have lovely friendships and of course ‘fit in’ but that is not always what happens. I once heard a speech from a singer that I adore and would like to pass it on – to my daughter. “My daughter came home from school one day and said ‘she looked like a boy with long hair’. So I went home and made up a PowerPoint presentation, I filled it with pictures of Prince, David bowie, Annie Lennox and Janis Joplin. Androgynous rock stars, ar tists live with their truth and probably made fun of everyday of their lives and carry-on and wave their flag and inspire the rest of us” “When people want to make fun of me, often saying that I look like a boy or I am too masculine, too many opinions, my body is too strong. But I refuse to change myself to please other people and I still sell out arenas across the world! So baby girl, we don’t change, we take the gravel and the shell and we make the pearl” – Pink 2017 MTV Music Awards. Love from Mum x Kim Boyd
“Since I don’t look like every other girl, it takes a while to be okay with that. To be different. But different is good.” Serena Williams
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Gra in
To My Future Daughter, Nowadays, a lot of people will tell you what your future will be like and how you fit into this society. As humans, we automatically fit into roles based on our gender and how we should contribute to society. Everyone has a preconceived idea of who you are to them, they will tell you how to act and what’s best for you. Fuck that! What you choose to do in life is up to do. Want to work at a shitty job, to save up and travel the world? Do it! Hate school and want to enter the trades, learn hands on skills that fur ther your career, do it! Wanna be a nurse and care for others or do you want to become a designer and create new and innovative things? Hell yeah you do! All of these things are achievable and only you can make that choice. I will be there to guide you and give you advice, but at the end of the day, it’s your life and yours only. Don’t let others define your career and plan your life. Go against the grain , follow your hear t, but most impor tantly, have fun! Life is too shor t, so living our years to the fullest is more impor tant than ever before. Remember this, as you traverse life’s ups and downs, trust me, there will be a lot of those. Connor
To My Future Daughter So hi. I just wanna say, don’t let people control you or tell you what to do, even me. Just do what you wanna do! You can be whatever you want to be! Whether that’s a goth, prep, nerd, whatever. You be you and you do you! If you wanna be that kid who hides in the corner and draws (like me) you can. You wanna be an astronaut? You can. You wanna be an ar tist? You can. You can be whatever, so don’t let people put you down and tell you you can’t, because you CAN!! You can be straight, lesbian, trans, bi, non-binary. Don’t let others define your sexuality, your personality, you. You define you because you are you, not other people, YOU. Sarah Summers (16 years old)
To My Son/Daughter, My unsuspecting vulnerability put a target square on my back, something deep in my core awakened and began to make its way to the forefront of my existence, and I welcomed it. For years this thing held me captive, rooted in this cycle of manipulation and deceit, full of empty promises and a false sense of happiness. It lied to me, desensitised me and made me think I was special. Insipid days morphed into one another. I scrutinised every aspect of every body, every slender silhouette, in every magazine and on every billboard. It was consuming and exhausting. I couldn’t escape it, not even in the waiting rooms, nor the hospital walls, it wouldn’t give. An overwhelming desire to meet a social expectation had robbed me of my first years as an adult. I had plans to be dancer, but it intervened. I had plans to be a nurse, but it said no. I had plans to be a young lady who relished life, found peace in the little things and above all, find purpose and happiness. At first I thought I had found it, disguised as an empty plate and hunger pains. But I was wrong, only when I escaped it’s clutches did I realise that I had fallen victim to one of life’s cruel games, one I can never truly escape. You might encounter it one day, if it ever decides to infiltrate your body and mind, like many a family member before you. And if it does, I will be here. I hope I have given you the tools to combat these thoughts as they arise, the tools to fight this monster head on. Because it doesn’t discriminate, or wait for you to be ready. The expectations placed on youth and young adults is not healthy, the pressure to look, act or feel a cer tain way brings about a society full of people who feel wor thless and inadequate. Dear son/ daughter, although there is pressure and although there are unrealistic expectations, these do not apply to you, they apply to no one. Yourself in its entirety is enough, you may not be immune to the diseases that plague our society, but you are strong, and you will fight this with every fibre of your being. If you fall, I will catch you, I will put you back on your feet, and if you fall again, I will still catch you, and we will walk forward together in this onerous pursuit of happiness, until we find firmer ground. Love mum. Georgia Fielding
VOGUE BE THINNER
POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS
ALL HAIL
HEAD OVER HEELS FOR KIM KARDASHIAN
SPRING FEVER
YOU HAVE TO LOOK YOUR BEST, BAT YOUR EYES, PUCKER YOUR LIPS
TAKING ASTAND ON LAND ITS PROFERED FOR LADIES NOT TO SAY A WORD
Forbes
To My Daughter I wish you all the best in life and I hope you see the beauty in yourself. Standards are unreachable, social media can be so powerful at influencing beauty and expectations and it puts a huge amount on pressure on young girls. It teaches you that appearance is everything but it isn’t. Stay true to who you are, be kind, loving and caring. You don’t need products to cover your true beauty, you don’t need implants or liposuction to shape your body. Your body is YOUR body treasure it and don’t let others manipulate it for you. Be intelligent, show how smar t you are and strive to be the best you can, do not be afraid to be powerful and speak your mind. Be proud of who you are no matter your shape, size, colour, style and learn to look at your imperfections as perfections. You are truly beautiful in every form. Love Dad x Corbin Semmens
“I felt free once I realised I was never going to fit the narrow mould that society wanted me to fit in”
Ashley Graham
SOCIAL
STANDARDS
To My Daughter, Know who you are and where you come from above all. You are not your body, you have a body. You are not your mind you are consciousness. Your value in this life is not determined by your outer shell. Obtaining or maintaining a model/barbie figure is a social construct, there are far more impor tant things to do with your precious time. Being a female is the honour of being a life bringer, honour this gift by living with grace, respect and joy. Bleeding once a month is a representation of your super power. Honour your natural cycles just like the phases of the moon. The most beautiful people are unapologetically authentically themselves. The enternal landscape of your hear t is where your true beauty lies, express this externally. Light up the world with your uniqueness- don’t ever be afraid of being different. Let my story and that of all your grandmothers be medicine stories for your life in female form. You are a divine miracle and my greatest creation. All my love, Mama Marijke de Jong
To My Little Lioness, I’ve seen you shy away from life and yet in that same step I’ve watched you stride with confidence. I’ve hugged you through your tears and in that same embraced I’ve felt you reach out to comfor t others. I’ve heard you say “I can’t” and in that same breath, I’ve witnessed you try it anyway. My gorgeous, you will be blessed with many experiences. Relish them, learn from them, grow from them. How you affect others will be your greatest gift so remember to nourish those that want you to grow and let go of those that don’t. Here are a few things I have learned because of you my love. • Speak your truth • Make your decisions with love • You are your own normal so own it • Why think outside the box....just build your own box! • If you make a mistake, admit it, own it and grow from it. Although my natural instinct as your mum is to keep you safe and sheltered from the pain and harm of what this world may bring, the older you get, the more I realise that even at 12 years old you are already so much wiser than I give you credit for. I fall more and more in love with who you are growing to be. Remember my daughter that you will never walk your path alone. I walk behind you, my mother walks behind me, her mother behind her.... Love you always, Mum xo Rose Leauga
Dear My Future Daughter, I’m writing this at 21yrs old so hopefully you aren’t here for another few years haha. Although under any circumstances I’ll love you with my whole hear t! I hope we’ll be best friends from word go, I hope you’ll have no cares in the world and you do you boo x Live life like there’s no tomorrow, Remember to treat people how you’d like to be treated, Kill people with kindness And par ty hard ofc! Love your future Mum Hanan
“Who cares if there are lumps on my thighs? I’m guilty of having human legs made up of fat, muscle, and skin, and sometimes when I sit, they get bumpy!” Kristen Bell
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
To My Daughter Don’t think so bad of yourself. Don’t worry to much and push the ones that have bad input away. This world is not going to be easy, even in my life time I have seen the changes, media expects you to be something no one can be anymore, and trust me you don’t want to be that anyway. You need to just live life and enjoy what it brings. People these days are so consumed by media, if you look back 100 years the fear was war, now the fear is not looking good enough. Don’t get tied up in this. Look at what you have, be happy and free and never change for anyone. Jordan Baker
To My Dearest Daughter Yesterday I took you to the beach, I watched you swim in your bright green swimsuit. I watched the water drip off your pure face and your wet hair sticking to your skin. Your smile was so innocent as you jump over the waves, it was then that I realised how insane the world was. How cruel and how brainwashing society was. Currently watching you be so free and so comfor table in your own skin for that to then be taken away from you later. Our culture seems to have a lot to say in regards to how you look or what shape you are. My precious girl, in a few years your whole concept of the beach will change. You will be more worried about weather the cellulite on your legs is visible rather than if your sandcastle was high enough. Eventually you will compare your thigh size instead of shells, tummy size instead of cartwheels. I am so scared for you to experience this as have myself, baby please treat your body with respect, love it and embrace it. Don’t waste your time trying to alter your body instead spend your time embracing what you have and imagining here it an take you. Embrace being a woman! I wish you the best of luck for the future and for now I will be sitting at the beach watching your innocence and happiness radiate. I love you baby girl. Love from Mumma Paula Anderson
“For woman, we’re taught to eat less until we disappear, and trained to believe that if you don’t look like everyone else, then you’re unlovable... I think it’s good to see somebody saying, ‘I have a belly. And I have cellulite. And I deserve love.’ Embrace that and move on. Confidence has nothing to do with how you look. I feel best when I’m with friends and I’m working really hard.” Amy Schumer
To My Daughter Fight. At times you will feel like you’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough... not perfect enough. Who are you comparing yourself too? At times you will feel like you need bigger breasts, thinner waist, bigger eyes, perfect skin, perfect hair. Who said that’s what beauty is? At times you may feel pressures to look good from Facebook, Instagram, magazines, films, television. Why let them effect how you feel about your body? Why do others influence how you view your body? Why treat your body as an object? Why try and change yourself? Appreciate the body you have. Its beautiful and strong. Love Mum x Courtney Nickleson
To My Future Daughter I’m scared. I’m scared that you will do as I did. I allowed social standards to interfere with my happiness. I was scared of judgment. I was scared of not being good enough. My body does not look and never will look like how society thinks I should look. I have fat on my legs and fat on my tummy therefore, I am not good enough... for them. It took me many years to accept that I will not fit into that tiny mould, it took me years of stolen happiness, years of tears, years of anger, years of sadness to accept that I am not good enough... for them. But who is that? Who am I not good enough for? Was it myself? Because the ones I cared about loved me, and every par t of me. So... Who am I not good enough for? It took me a long time to understand this and I’m scared you will be the same, I wish to save you the time and struggling and hope that you understand your worth and understand that you are more than enough. I’m scared you will not love yourself enough. Love your Mumma Laura Simpson
To My Daughter Everyone is abnormal in one way or another, in away this makes abnormality quite normal. We just don’t often pay as much attention to the strangeness of others as we do our own. When we do notice them we normally think, “well, they are fantastic in other ways so it hardly matters.” Perhaps we could learn to apply this thinking to ourselves. Addison P hillips
To My Daughter I am so privileged to have a gorgeous daughter like you. I am proud beyond words, words you will never hear... Not that I don’t say it time after time but words you don’t hear, literally. This world is changing at a fast pace and all though I did not invent the TV, plastic bottles or plastics anything, mobile phones etc I have been par t of promoting the use of these things by becoming a consumer. I am sorry, I am sorry for global warming, social media, the change of genders, not that that bothers me but where we are heading! Facelifts, Liposuction, bottom implants, breast implants, hair extensions, lash extensions and the list goes on. When will we look in the mirror and be happy with what we see. Don’t change to please other people. Be happy with who you are. Care for yourself. Care for others. Care for our planet. Lets go back to basics. I am so privileged to have a gorgeous daughter like you. Loren Mills
To My Future Daughter Hi my girl. I hope you happy and healthy. I hope you have surrounded yourself with positive people. I hope I have raised you to love, not only to love others but to love your body. I hope we are best friends, I hope you tell me everything. I hope you are happy. Happiness is based on your perspective, you can find joy in the smallest of moments or things, the world can be tough and hard to understand but it can also be beautiful, and I hope you find the beauty in it. There is so much I wish I could tell you, most I can’t. Not because I physically can’t but you need to learn yourself and this hur ts me. I already know what your are going to go through. You will starve yourself because you will feel guilty for eating, you will replace your face with makeup because your not comfor table in your own skin, you will cry and cry again because you won’t feel good enough, you will treat yourself as only a shell, you will spend hours of your life that you will one day treasure to try and look good but you will forget if you feel good. Because all that will matter to you is fitting in, being accepted. I can’t stop this process and I can’t protect you from the world. But if your going to take anything away from this please let it be... I love you and your beautiful so embrace it, embrace your imperfections, your body and embrace life. Mel Colins
To My Daughter Someone will always be prettier. Someone will always be smar ter. Someone will always be younger. But they will never be you. - Freddie Murcury Just be you. Sarah Ray
I have those apps. The Facetune and Photoshop ones. And I just didn’t feel like doing it anymore - And I’m never doing it again. Because I think we forget what normal people look like now.” Chrissy Teigen
I am obsessed with being a woman comfor table
In her own skin