The Power of Emotional Regulation: Respond, don't react.

If you’re anything like the other 7.9 billion humans on our planet, your daily experience is made up of the thousands of thoughts and countless internal emotions you experience each day.

Have you stopped to examine the quality of the thoughts you have? Are they kind, self-compassionate, and the words of a good friend? Are they critical, judgmental, or negative?

Did you know that the average person has anywhere between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts a day? Even more interesting, it’s estimated that 80% of our thoughts are negative, rather than positive.1 Our thoughts directly drive the emotions we experience, and ultimately both our internal and external experience and our relationships with others.

What kind of emotions do you experience throughout your day? In your interactions with others?

When do you notice especially strong emotions? When do you feel “triggered” bynegative or difficult emotions? How adept are you at regulating your ownemotions?

As leaders, and as physicians, we have a greater impact on others than we realize. When we experience strong negative emotions, are triggered, or even stressed, our energy impacts those around us. Others react to our emotional energy. We may unintentionally give off negative energy, or worsen a potentially challenging interaction, when we experience strong emotions that take over our ability to think clearly and utilize your executive functioning. Rather than using our rational, pre-frontal cortex, our primitive brain takes over. It’s like having a 2 year old toddler having a temper tantrum take over our inner world.

Think back to your psychology 101 class, and back to medical school, when youfirst learned about the cognitive behavioral therapy model of emotion.

Remember this?

And here is where we have the greatest power: rather than reacting to a trigger or situation, jumping immediately from trigger to an emotional storm, we can slow this process down. Between trigger and thought, and between thought and emotion. In this space between trigger-thought-emotion, is where our own internal freedom and power lies.

How we show up matters. How we act, and the energy we exude, matters. Slowingdown our emotional cascade, and preventing an emotional storm before ithappens, is the key to our self-regulation.

So what can help us to respond, rather than react?

We must slow down our nervous system, breathe, and notice our thoughts. Name the emotion we are experiencing. Identify the thoughts we are having. And sometimes even removing ourselves from the trigger, until we can regain calm, composure and control.

Here is an exercise for you:

1.Think about a recent or past situation when you’ve felt “triggered” with a strong or difficult emotion.

2.What was the situation? Who was involved? What made this situation so triggering for you?

3.Identify the thoughts you had in that moment or situation. What thoughts did you have in response to the situation?

4.Name the emotion(s) you experienced. We must name it to tame it.

5.What actions did you take because of the strong emotions you experienced? How did you behave?

6.What happened because of your actions? What was the end result?

Now, what could have helped you to feel calmer, in the moment? Brainstorm some ideas to help you in the moment.

Here are some ideas to help you calm and tame your nervous system, to get you started:

-- Focus on your breathing. Take 3 deep breaths.

-- Get up and move. Shake it out. Take a walk outside.

-- Move away from the situation. Take a break. Excuse yourself to use the restroom.

-- Try 4-7-8 breathing for two minutes (inhale through your nose for 4 counts, hold your breath for 7 counts, exhale through your mouth over 8 counts) – developed by Dr. Andrew Weill based on pranayama breathing.

-- Take a sip of cold ice water.

-- Listen to music that is calming to you.

-- Try a brief 3-minute meditation.

-- If you are feeling overwhelmed, write everything in your head down on paper. Write it all down and get it out of your head.

What other ideas do you have?

References

1) National Science Foundation, 2005.