Your Inner Critic

We all have that voice inside of us that tells us things like “you’re not good enough, ” or “who do you think you are?” or “that could have been better, ” or “you don’t belong here.

What is the quality of this voice? Is it loud, harsh, shrill, and nagging, or is it spoken in an insidious, low, raspy whisper? When do you first remember this voice? When did it first become your constant companion through life? We all have this inner critic inside of us. This voice inside our head has also been called our saboteur, our inner gremlin, and the voice of our own selfdoubt. Some have even termed this voice imposter syndrome.

Our inner critics are a completely normal part of being a human being. They can completely sound like our own inner thoughts, can sound like the voice of a stern teacher or parent from our childhood, or even resemble

the voices of people from TV or movies. What’s important to understand, is that even though these voices sound like our own thoughts, and can sound completely normal and reasonable, they are not us. They are merely thoughts.

Our inner critics are also what hold us back from living fully authentic and fully expressed lives. They hold us back from stepping into our own true authentic form of leadership. They tell us we “can’t, ” or “shouldn’t, ” or even “should.

I want you to think back to your psychology 101 course in college and remember the cognitive behavioral model of emotion. I find this exercise helpful, especially when working with whip smart women physicians who tend to like spreadsheets, flow charts, models, check lists and roadmaps (like myself…!). Remember that we form thoughts in response to a trigger, an external stimulus or situation. These thoughts then drive our emotions, which drive our behavior, and ultimately impact the results of our actions. We then receive feedback from others, from our external world, in response to our behavior and actions.

Let’s play this through to the end. Let’s pretend you receive negative feedback on a performance review. Your initial thoughts and emotions are one of shock, shame, embarrassment, and maybe even anger. “How could anyone say something this wrong, untrue and mean about me, ” you think to yourself, “This is so unfair!”

You turn red, your cheeks are on fire, you heart is pounding, and you are sweating. You are upset, you are angry. Furious, defensive, and indignant words come out of your mouth before you realize it. You are so

upset and overcome with anger, that you find yourself standing up, and walking furiously out of the room. The door slams behind you. You storm down the hallway and outside of the building.

Several minutes later, you realize that your behavior was not good. You fear now even further repercussions for losing your temper, raising your voice, and perhaps even being called a “disruptive physician.

Now, what if instead of the thoughts of “how could anyone say something this wrong, untrue and unfair about me” you instead had thoughts of “well that’s interesting. I know this is just one person’s perspective, one person’s opinion. I know that feedback is often more of a reflection of the individual giving the feedback than it is on me. ” Instead of getting hot, red and upset, you remain calm, untriggered, and collected. You finish t he conversation with your director, maybe even smiling and sharing a friendly smile, and say “thank you so much for the feedback. I will work on this. ” You leave the office and walk calmly down the hall and back to your own office.

See the vast difference between these two scenarios?

The power of our thoughts in response to a situation influence our emotions, and ultimately our behavior, and then the consequences of our behavior.

This is why our inner critics can be so sneaky, so insidious, and so dangerous for us. Without even realizing it, they impact our emotions, our behavior and ultimately our results. If you believe that you don’t deserve something, that you are not enough, or not good enough, or not working hard enough, then this is how you show up through your behavior

and your actions. This is how you make choices and decisions.

Learning to differentiate the difference between your own voice and that of your inner critic is an essential foundation of self-leadership and self-awareness. It is completely natural and normal to have selfcritical and self-defeating thoughts. What we must realize is when these thoughts occur. We must reframe these thoughts in the moment, so that we don’t go down the rabbit hole of negative, selfdefeating emotions, behavior, and ultimately decisions and results.

This work of growing our own self-awareness about our inner critic is like working a muscle. It takes methodical, daily practice. And over time, it becomes second nature to us. This is what I want to help you to do for yourself.

Your Assignment:

Take 20 minutes and brainstorm all the thoughts you have throughout your day that are those of your inner critic. What does your inner critic say to you? What is the quality of these words? Are they harsh, raspy, nagging, or shrill? If you were to draw a picture of your inner critic, what would he/she/it/they look like? Draw a little cartoon bubble with the words of your inner critic. What is the name of your inner critic? How is he/she/it/they dressed? Maybe your inner critic doesn’t have a human form. Draw this instead. Notice how almost funny and comical your cartoon character looks, with the little bubble of negative words floating in the air. Now for the next week, I want you to keep a journal or pad of paper close by. Write down every thought, situation, and circumstance where your inner critic shows up. Write down what your inner critic says to you. Our next article will be on how to make friends with our inner critic and help us to reframe this part of our life experience as women, physicians and leaders.

Email me at info@tammiechangmd.com with questions, any time. I am here for you friend…!