Jesus the Word of Life. 2009

reason to smile Proverbs 31:25

"...and she smiles at the future.”

As I sit down to write this, I am overwhelmed again with chores and tasks to complete, and instead of preparing things for the future, as the “Proverbs 31 woman” would be doing, I’m playing catch up once again. The thing is, it’s a place that I feel I’ve been in a lot this year.

It never used to be this way. There was a time when I felt confident, capable, and ready to take on any challenge that came my way. Motherhood, however, hasn’t paved such a confident, smooth path. Feelings of accomplishment have been replaced with feelings of fatigue, selfdoubt, and the incessant feeling that I’m always playing catch up.

Just a couple of years ago I was contacted by someone from my grade school who facebooked me and was wondering if I ended up becoming something, I’m sure... I realized this through my own long explanation of how much I loved being a stay-athome mom. Thinking about it now, my response sounded more like a wellwritten defense on motherhood rather than a casual response.

I had another friend contact me who I knew from Junior High. She actually kept some of my doodles and had me sign them. She told me they used to make her happy. But I know she made me sign them because she believed that they would actually be worth something one day. Again, I was sorry to disappoint. Don’t get me wrong; I love my children and I’m so grateful to be able to be home to raise them, but I miss that feeling of self-confidence and control that once characterized my life. Motherhood doesn’t quite offer that daily sense of accomplishment or a regular paycheque for that matter, so it’s hard to gauge your sense of worth or measure the contribution you’re making, I suppose.

Early doodles just for fun and before I became so critical

My signature in Junior High School

Then one day in July, while I was feeling tired, frustrated, and playing catch up once again, I sat down to read the Word for Today that Tina had written about the Proverbs 31 woman. As I read, the Lord spoke to me. I had read Proverbs 31 so many

times in the past and would marvel at how that woman not only “rises also while it is still night”, but that she would make her own clothes, invest, give to the poor, speak only kind words, and her family would bless her for it! Even though I should be aspiring to be more like her, the comparisons would only make it glaringly obvious how unlike her I was... which only made my choice of being a stay-at-home mom even more lack-lustre and depressing.

But on that particular day, Tina had highlighted one part of that passage that I had not really noticed before. ..."and she smiles at the future.”

What made this woman smile? If it was because she had her life all put together, then how could I smile along with her in light of all my own insufficiencies? But as I read on, I was comforted and encouraged that it was not this woman’s good works at all. Tina wrote,

“When you are secure in the knowledge that God has you and your loved ones in the palm of His hand, you can smile at the future, rather than fret. Truly a blessed assurance this truth is.” (Word for Today, 07/14/09)

This woman did not smile at the future because of how good and capable she was. No, she smiled because she knew and trusted in the One who would always take care of her and her family.

If I were to believe that my childrens’ futures rested in my hands, I would have reason to be concerned... but the Lord was showing me that I’m not as grown up as I thought as I was, and that I am still and will always be His child as well. Not only that, but the Lord spoke to me (as I could hear Pastor Sung’s voice ringing in my ears) through this passage in Acts 17:30: “Therefore having overlooked the times of ignorance, God is now declaring to men that all people everywhere should repent.

I have to admit, that in my ignorance, I wasn’t sure what the Lord was telling me to repent of. I could tell that things weren’t the same in our household, and that I had definitely changed since the days of my youth, but how?

Turns out I was listening to a sermon by Chuck Swindoll while our family went on a road trip in August. The sermon was about never forgetting where you came from illustrated by this verse in Psalm 40:2: "He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm."

Just like the Psalmist wrote, we are all destined for despair and destruction due to our sin. Nevertheless, He saved me. He saved me!

I didn’t come from a place with potential and a bright future! He saved me from a life of destruction, separation, and ignorance of Him. My future is secure only by the blood of Jesus.

My children now have that same hope. I realize now that the Lord is shaping me into something. But He is changing me from the inside out; Amazingly, into the likeness of His perfect, holy Son.

There have been many verses that have helped me or encouraged me this year, but this one from Proverbs is the one that has stuck in my head and has helped me get through my day to days. For tomorrow, I know I’ll still have mouths to feed, clothes to wash, toys to pick up, and my children will rise to say “I’m so hungry”. But just like Job was humbled greatly before the Lord, I can boldly say with a smile that

“as for me, I know that my redeemer lIves, and at the last he wIll take hIs stand on the earth.” - Job 19:5

- Tammy Kim