Virtues Parenting

Hundreds of Tanglin parents have attended the 10-hour Virtues Project programme, which is spread out over four weeks. Although the course is fastpaced, it’s delivered in a dynamic and engaging way to allow time for debate and reflection. The course highlights a list of 52 Virtues that we all innately have from the day we were born. Our role as parents is to acknowledge and awaken these Virtues in our children and ourselves. There is much emphasis placed on the idea that it’s not just our children learning and growing but parents too.

One of the delightful aspects of the course is the connection fostered among the participants. There is a vibrant Virtues Parenting community with parents who choose to continue their virtues journey post-course. Some groups of parents still meet years later. Refreshers courses are also delivered by our School Counselling team. Let’s hear from Rachel McLean, a recent participant from the last round of the programme and find out about her experience of the course.

What inspired you to sign up for the course?

A friend was going, and I decided to sign up. My kids are in Infant and Senior School. I thought it might be good to get some ideas for both ages.

What was the most interesting discovery you made during the course?

The approach is so simple yet incredibly effective. Acknowledging Virtues can

Five Strategies Of The Virtues Project

The course explores five strategies and links them to evidenced-based parenting strategies using real-life examples and scenarios. The five strategies help set the scene during our sessions:

#1 Speak the Language of the Virtues

Participants learn how to use Virtues in their dialogue by exploring the power of replacing shaming with naming virtues.

#2: Recognise Teachable Moments

Participants engage with the idea of seeing challenges (teachable moments) within themselves and their children as opportunities for growth.

#3: Set Clear Boundaries

Participants look at how to establish clear, consistent, educative boundaries to keep children safe and understand what is right.

#4: Honour the Spirit

This session is about recognising and celebrating what makes each member of the family unique and special.

#5: Companioning have such a positive impact on our kids’ wellbeing and their receptiveness to showing positive behaviour. When you practise the Virtues, you can definitely see a difference where your own stress levels reduce and your kid’s behaviour improves.

Participants are taught the skill of companioning - being deeply present, hearing their children’s struggles, and helping them to find their own solutions.

What strategies have you kept alive after the course?

I try to catch my kids doing something right and name the Virtue to encourage that behaviour. I am also mindful to ask ‘what / how / when…?’ questions rather than ‘why’. This prevents me from getting sucked into my child’s problem, and helps them feel calm and in control quicker. I learned that ‘less is more,’ to feel comfortable in silence so that my kids are more likely to share. This has helped prevent me from jumping in with solutions. We now have mealtime rules, because I realised that I hadn’t properly outlined the behaviour that is expected. We all wrote the rules together as a family and they are for everyone. It makes for a more peaceful and less chaotic mealtime. During the course, we made close friendships and found the training so valuable that we meet up about once a month to compare stories of what works and what doesn’t. ■

Tanglin has a vibrant ParentWise programme, so do check out In Touch for upcoming ParentWise presentations and join our Virtues Parenting community for its next session.