Parent Profile

PARENT PROFILE Brad & Marilyn Rhoads

TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF:

We have five children, ages 22 down to 11. With four girls and one boy in four different schools, things are never dull. We both work for Grace Marriage, helping people in their marriages and equipping churches with marriage ministries. Prior to Grace Marriage, Marilyn was a counselor and then a stay-at-home mom. Brad practiced law for 22 years.

AS PARENTS, WHY DO YOU THINK IT IS IMPORTANT FOR US TO FOCUS ON/PRIORITIZE OUR MARRIAGES?

One of the best things you can do for your children is to model a life-giving, fun and close marriage. First, it creates a great atmosphere of love and grace in the home. Second, it will have a major influence on what type of marriage your children will have someday. It isn’t always true, but often “the acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Allowing the demands of parenting and the worries of life to squeeze out fun times together as husband and wife is draining, unwise and dangerous.

If you are an empty nester or don’t have kids, having an amazing marriage makes everything about your life better. Plus, it sets an example and influences everyone around you. To influence culture, we must model thriving and lasting marriages.

WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR SINGLE OR DIVORCED PARENTS?

The first piece of advice we would have is: “Hang in there.” Parenting is tough when you have two parents in the home. If you are having a hard time and feel overwhelmed, you are normal. Give yourself grace and seek out and accept help. Also, there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). If you are in Christ, don’t let your past hinder today or your future. As a friend of mine tells me, “Be a windshield guy, not a rear-view mirror guy.”

WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR GREATEST CHALLENGE IN RAISING YOUR CHILDREN?

Watching them hurt! We had about three years of child health crisis. The pain of watching your children suffer and not being able to fix it feels unbearable. Loss of sleep, shingles, heart cath – just a few of the joys of enduring that tough season.

GREATEST JOY?

The greatest joy is just being able to enjoy five amazing children. I love going to games with them, hanging out, watching television, and just watching them in life. Our lives are so much richer because of our five children.

We only have our kiddos in the home for a short period of time. I’ve heard it said, “the days go by slow, but the years go by fast.” So, put your phone down and savor the time you have.

WHAT IS YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE FOR OTHER PARENTS?

The best piece of parenting advice we got was this: “Don’t miss the joys of parenting trying to be a good parent.” I was advised to delight in my kids and enjoy them. I was told to make sure that no one wants to spend time with them and do things with them more than you. This was so helpful.

I have heard it said, “You are their parent, not their friend.” Well, I have learned that, taken literally, this can backfire on you. The piece of advice to enjoy my kids took a lot of pressure off and freed us to just have a blast with them. I’ll leave this question with a bit of wisdom my mentor gave me, “Whoever is the kindest has the most influence.” He told me that “if no one likes your kids and is as nice to them as you are, ultimately, you will be the one that has the influence.”

I was told that “parenting is the modern-day black hole.” Whatever you do, it is not enough. Most live in a place of “condemnation parenting.” They never feel they are the parent they ought to be. I think it would help a lot of parents to relax, praise God, and enjoy their children.

In no way does this diminish the importance and role of discipline. However, love, fun and delight need to be primary. OP

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