Breaking the cycle

I wanted to take this opportunity to write about World Pride in Sydney early in 2023 – specifically about what Pride means to us as a community. With the injustices that Kit Connor, Nick in Heartstopper, recently faced, however, I’ve decided it is more important to address the role the LGBTQIA+ community played in his forced outing, and how we can do better.

In acknowledging that I am talking about Kit’s personal life and being loathe to add to the considerable commentary that’s already occurred, it is undeniable that there is a lesson that needs to be learned for the LGBTQIA+ community so that something like this does not happen again.

A brief recap for those not in the know: Kit Connor plays a young boy, Nick Nelson, in the show ‘Heartstopper’ (an excellent show, please watch it). Heartstopper follows Nick’s journey of acceptance of his bisexuality, however, some fans were incensed that Kit wasn’t openly bisexual and labelled this ‘queerbaiting’. After months of pressure and abuse online, Kit felt forced to come out and wrote “I’m bi. Congrats for forcing an 18-year-old to out himself. I think some of you missed the point of the show. Bye”. And indeed, some of the LGBTQIA+ community has missed the point of the show. Instead of creating an environment of love and acceptance, where we could invite in people such as Kit to come out on their own terms, should they wish to, we have instead lashed out and bullied Kit for not fitting into our preconceived image of the LGBTQIA+ community. Certainly, we as a community have campaigned for visibility and representation in the media we consume. Just like other communities, such as BIPOC (black and indigenous people of colour), who have rightly voiced the importance of having BIPOC actors play characters of their ethnicities, we too have clamoured for authenticity. And, initially, I thought this was the source of the issue at hand with what transpired against Kit. But it actually runs much deeper than that. For centuries, the LGBTQIA+ community has faced systematic oppression. And whilst we as a community are certainly not free from the yoke of oppression yet, and many of our community around the world still suffer terribly; we, in recent decades, have begun to find our power. In spite of finding that power however, we as a community are still left with the hurt and trauma of that oppression, and we have internalised many of the messages that we have been subjected to over the years. Messages of conformity, “appropriate behaviour”, and fitting the stereotype still linger deep within us, across generations. The hurt, trauma, and abuse suffered still lingers within us because we have not broken the cycle of oppression. And because we have not broken the cycle, we have dragged Kit out of the closet; out of his safe space, and demanded he come out when he didn’t conform and fit the stereotype. But our trauma is no excuse. We have robbed Kit of his privacy, his dignity, and his very human right to choose whom he shares his personal life with and when. We have hurt, abused, and traumatised him. Our actions have flown in the face of everything we have fought for and only serves to empower those who wish to curtail the rights of the LGBTQIA+ community. I hope, in spite of this, that Kit is able to heal from the serious and cruel transgressions against him.

And with that, I want us as a community to break this cycle of oppression, trauma, and abuse, so that what happened to Kit never happens again.

So how do we break the cycle? I believe the answer lies within my first paragraph, where I wished to write about what Pride means to the LGBTQIA+ community. Pride means many things to many different people within the community, but underneath the umbrella of Pride there are values. Values of Love, Acceptance, Diversity, and Celebration. But are these values something we only embody once a year, or actualise every day? Because I believe that until we as individuals, and as the LGBTQIA+ community, begin embracing and demonstrating those values within ourselves and to others, then the internal cycle of trauma and oppression will continue.