Summer Geek Guide

in the geek

THEYONLYCOMEOUTATNIGHT;

WELL I SEEYOU’VE all managed to pull yourselves away from your phones and computers and look what you’vedone. You’ve actually picked up a living breathingpublication. The printed word in all it’s glory.

Andnow, for your efforts, I will share with you the secrets of making this an entertaining summer, at leastasfaras movies, music and books go.

IfIhavetoexplain to you the merits of grilling outdoors, going to the beach or watching a baseball game I think you’d be better off figuring out exactly what dimension you came here from and then devisingawaytogetback there as soon as possible. For now, onto the movies!

Commentary by Jeff Dixon

(Jeff Dixon loves movies and comic books in a way that often terrifies him. You can follow his insane ramblings on Twitter @RoiVampire ifhe lets you) SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED —Let’sstart off withoneyouprobably haven’t heard of shall we? In 1997, a classified ad appeared in the back of Backwoods Home Magazine,asort of Southern Living forfarmers and ranchers. The ad appeared as follows: “Wanted: Somebody to go back in time with me. This isnotajoke.You’ll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.” The film follows two reporters investigating the man who placed the ad andpossiblygettinginover their heads. Apparently, hilarity will ensue. But honestly, I’m just going because Aubrey Plaza (“Parks and Recreation”) is adorable and I love time travel movies.

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN —Idon’t care what you say, theynever made a third Spider-Man movie. They stopped at the sequel for unknown reasons. Who know’s why? Maybe Tobey Maguire had problems with the mob. Maybe Kirsten Dunst is really asecret agent working the art house beat. The point iswefinallyhave a new Spider-Man franchise. Directed byMark Webb (“500 Days of Summer”) and starring Andrew Garfield (“The Social Network”) and Emma Stone (“Easy A”), this is the one superhero movie no one is talking about yet. I’m excited about this, for realsies. From all the footage I’ve seen this might actuallybeafaithful, wisecracking,web-shooter-inventing, neverstops-talking Spider-Man. And all I can say is it’sabouttime.

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES —Oh c’mon!

LikeIeven have to say anything. You could at least act like you’re making an effort! If I have tosellthesequeltothesecondgreatest comic book movie ever to you (the first is Marvel’s “The Avengers.” Deal with it DC fanboys), then I’m frankly amazed you‘re able to read this publication.

of the night

HEREAREWAYSTOKEEPTHEMBUSY

There, I said it. I’m glad we’re being so honest with each other. Oh, spoiler alert: have you noticed there isn’t a lot of Batman in the trailers for this Batman movie? That can’t be a good sign from a story standpoint.

THE BRAVEST MAN IN THE UNIVERSE byBOBBY WOMACK —This is probably my most anticipated album of the year. When Bobby Womack ruled the soul scene in the’70s I wasn’t even a twinkle in my father’s eye. I was introduced to Womack through old LPs and I couldn’t have been happier when he was featured on the most recent Gorillaz album. But what I really wanted was a new record by the master and now it looks like it’s actually happening. In a world where we can buy movie tickets on our phones and video chat with coworkersin other countries we often forget that we all need a little soul.

SMUG LIFE byDOUG BENSON —Doug Benson iswithout a doubt my favorite stand up comedian workingtoday. Benson is like that really funny friend that keepsthe host of the party from losing his mind. His comedy is laid back and witty, and you will undoubtedly quote his routine for days on end. Also, just a personal note, if you have the means I highly suggest seeing him live.

THE IDLER WHEEL IS WISER THAN THE DRIVER OF THE SCREW, AND WHIPPING CORDS WILL SERVE YOU MORE THAN ROPES

WILLEVER DO byFIONA APPLE —Let’s just get past the fact that this is thelongest album title of the year and just accept that, sound unheard, it’s also thebest. Fiona Apple has a nasty habit of recording damn good music. She’s got avoice almost as good as her wit and that’s saying a lot. If this effort even approaches “When the Pawn...” in quality, we’re all in for an actual real life treat. And we don’t even have to listen for the ice cream man.

MOST OF MY HEROES STILL DON’T APPEAR ON NOSTAMP byPUBLIC

ENEMY —If I have to tell you why a new album from Public Enemy deserves your attention maybe you’re not the audience for this record, or for hip hop ingeneral. More than any other act to come out of the 1980ship hop scene, Public Enemy brought rap, culture and politics together in a way that no one had even considered yet. I might have to drag the old boom box out just for this one, Radio Raheem style. Never forget and always do the right thing.

AVENGERS VS. X-MEN —This movie came out recently called “Marvel’s The Avengers” — you may have heard of it. You also may have heard of the X-Men, orasyou might know them, “all those other weirdos that hang out with Wolverine.” Well if you liked them before, you might enjoy the fact that these two teams are slugging it out to save the world at a comic shop near you or on your smart phone. Don’t worry about the details, it will all be explained. Just concentrate on this; recently Captain America punched Wolverine! In the face! And lived totell the tale. The point is that Capt. Steve Rogers is not to be messed with. “Son, just don’t.”

SAGA —This little book from Image comics could be the sleeper hit of the summer. From Brian K. Vaughn and Fiona Staples, “Saga” tells the story of star-crossed lovers trying to protect their newborn during an intergalactic war. Also there are robots with television sets for heads. Also there’s magic and demons. I’m also pretty sure there was a talking lizard in the second issue. This book is just plain fun and the characters are so well written I often forget they’re not even human. Don’t miss what could be one of the best comics of the modern era. Check it out on the Image Comics app available on iPhone and Droid.

And that’s all I’ve got for you wonderful folks. Ifyou need me I’ll be listening to Red Sox games on my phone and trying desperately not to throw it against a wall every time Bobby Valentine makes a bad decision. I feel like this is going to be a long season full of heartbreak for Boston and honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way. Winning is overrated.

Mahalo!