If Turkeys Could Sing Carols

Have yourselves a very Veggie Christmas.. Have yourselves a very Veggie Christmas..

Caroline Sarll takes us on a mouth-watering and inspirational veggiefoods-for-Christmas tour that will have even the most ardent meat eaters considering a change.

A vegetarian Christmas lunch used to be a bit of a turkey. In the Seventies, when I embraced the lacto-life, without fabulously fluffy falafels or succulent sausages (plant-based, natch), our go-to was a quiche or nut roast. I soon dubbed the former “qwitch”, as it had already cast its spell over our family fare, appearing in two alternating forms (tomato or mushroom) at least twice a week. Its appearance on the 25th was a bit like receiving your baggiest pants as a gift: too familiar and yes, somewhat lacking allure. The roast was an even harder nut to crack (ouch, but more to come). Think crunching ten cream crackers all at once. Drier than a donkey’s tail (the animal, not the plant), it was like chewing Trump’s bleach-desiccated thatch. There was clearly work to be done. Half a century later, new and exciting vegetarian options are literally sprouting (sorry) up across Wales. We flesh-foregoers - an estimated 1 in 20 in the UK - can now savour a veritable feast of inventive Welsh produce. In doing my research, think Great Dane drool or Tigger-infused triumph: every internet click yielded a mouth-watering veggie treat, like I’d won the legume lottery. And, here’s the rub: this is award-winning nosh which surpasses basic fare, is locally sourced and ticks the gourmet box. No longer must we be grateful for a poorly-seasoned, powdery lentil loaf.

For a round-up, pour yourself a Penderyn and indulge in a two-stop, shop-while-you-flop at www.blasarfwyd. com and www.discoverdelicious.wales . These hubs illustrate just how far we have come, the latter offering a handy region-specific hunt. If you’d rather not buy online, Blas founder, the encyclopaedic Deiniol ap Dafydd, has this top tip: ask your local shop to order in what you want! Think niche and artisan, not pile ‘em-high produce.

Starters

For your starter, head to Ruthin (virtually or in person) and tuck into the Patchwork Traditional Food Co’s patés – Stilton and pear or red pesto. The former may well be a pairing as predictable as nylons and athlete’s foot, but, holy guacamole, this fork-hugging blend is opulently divine. Whilst not condoning the violenceagainst-veg trend (bashed beetroot - seriously?), Do Goodly Dips do a super smashed pea guac. For a seasonal red-green riot, slather these pastes on Cradoc’s pale puce, “blushing” beetroot and garlic crackers. Perfect. Our homemade offering is grilled Teifi Organic Halloumi strips dunked indelicately (sleeves up!) in a creamy pea and garden-mint puree. What a lot of peas. Sweet.

Mains and sides

For ‘jazz-hands’ mains, the pioneering Parsnipship is in pole position, flying the flag for infinitely more-ish and -hoorah! - moist, mouth-pampering heat ‘n’ go vegan and vegetarian dishes. I first tasted their Glamorgan Crumble, when founders Ben and Flo were just starting out in Ogmore Vale: my husband said I made the same noise our dog used to when I was stroking his tummy (the dog’s, not my husband’s). The GC is a cheesy leek muffin-moulded wodge, which hollers happy in just one bite.

Have yourselves a very Veggie Christmas.. Have yourselves a very Veggie Christmas..

The Parsnipship’s mushroom and peanut roast is also a welcome antidote to those early incarnations. With whole nuts and hydrating mushy-rooms (remember, they are roughly 90% water), this screams juvenescent and juicy. Bye bye 70s sawdust. Hello Claudia Winkleman’s hair and Angelina Jolie’s lips in a panibois. The best endorsement came from my husband, an inveterate and incurable carnivore, who would no sooner turn veggie than wear matching socks (don’t ask). His characteristically laconic, but on-point response: “I’d eat that”. To bake your own, try Cardiffborn Avant-Garde Vegan Gaz Oakley’s recipe.

Our Caroline’s Kitchen (c’est moi!) offering is a caramelised onion, beetroot and goats cheese tart. We use Pant ys Gawn, which is so bucolically creamy and silky-soft, I can feel the goat’s udder tickling my tummy as it goes down. Lavishly crumble Snowdonia’s incomparable, hallowed-in-this-house, garlicky Green Thunder over the beet to keep the Christmas-colourscombo.

There is such an abundance of top-quality Welsh cheese that, whilst I appreciate vegan values, I simply can’t cut the caws: hard, soft, creamy, stinky, grated or grilled, it all makes me shiver like a baby weeing in the bath. Try Caws Cenarth’s creamy, sweet apricot with “a distinct bang of brandy”. The Welsh Cheese Company is a perfect portal. Or, if you’re already one of the 1.5 % (and rising) UK vegans, Nutchi, the nutbased alternative is a revelation. It’s not as dense as the mammalian stuff, but, hey, with its well-chosen and potentially anti-inflammatory herby hits (e.g turmeric), this is an appealing casein-free contender.

Vegetable-wise, drizzle, no, ladle liberally with Halen Mon’s Black Garlic ketchup. This bitumenblack, aged garlic OMG-unguent is infernally good. With Pembrokeshire Earlies the only veg with PGI status (Protected Geographically aka pukka Welsh provenance), my spud choice for that Yule hue (skins on), would be roasted, oil-saturated Blas Y Tir’s reds, which replace the sadly defunct, seasonally-named Rudolph. Lightly stir fry sprouts with fresh ginger and soy sauce. Roasted parsnip and honey mash is a must.

When sourcing veg, lap up the local, either allotment or garden-grown or by chatting with your greengrocers (if pre-packed, ensure it’s Welsh flag stamped). Otherwise, www.growninwales, showcases many producers, such as Blaencamel Organic Farm, Watson and Pratts, Hootons Homegrown and the maverick Medwyns of Anglesey. Order Medwyn’s Sweet Candle carrot seeds for a gastronomic glow to Christmas 2023.

Puds

For a trad dessert, thumbs up to Blas ar Fwyd’s stoutsoaked classic pud or Rebecca’s at Woodsend. Both family recipes, Rebecca’s tawny-toned option uses homegrown Bramley apples - a lingual-lingering citrus kick - and local carrots for added succulence and that coveted squidge. Blas’s is a mouth-pampering mahogany melange of the plumpest “vine fruit”. Good-claggy, it’s that rare gastronomic oxymoron of dense and light. Serve with Dylan’s or Halen Mon’s salted caramel spread or Crwst Barti’s rum version. Halen’s, smooth as a baby’s bottom, sings seaside and candyfloss, stopping thoughtfully short of sickly - a gustatory stimulant so potent, you’ll can-can round the kitchen.

For a chilled, homemade cheesecake, use dollops of pud, crumbling Caerphilly with cream cheese and lashings of whipped cream on a goaty base (ginger and oats!). If dried fruit is your downfall (Christmas-coloncauldron), try Cardigan Bay’s ambrosial, sumptuous, hedonism-in-one bite brownies, warmed, then doused with Frank’s in-most-supermarkets ice-cream or Ty Tanglwyst’s cream. Yum. For the only Welsh-produced clotted cream, Daffodil Foods’ indulgence will have you “fluttering and dancing” in the tum. Poetry in a pot. Order in their hampers or individually from Blas. Savour with Coaltown’s coffee : their Black Gold, nominally redolent of our miners’ toil is a triumph. Their Deep Winter is evocative of cosy, hearthside bliss. Tickety-boo. Nadolig Llysieuol Llawen.